The Wild Wild West (1965–1969): Season 4, Episode 19 - The Night of the Pistoleros - full transcript

Arriving at a lonely border outpost, Jim and Artie attempt to stop a terrorist gang from provoking a war with Mexico

( upbeat western theme playing )

Well, from the look
of the terrain,

I'd say we're
about half a day's ride

from the Mexican border.

Which means, I think,
we're about an hour away

from Fort Challenge.

We haven't passed man
or beast in over a day.

I swear, I don't know
who would be thinking

of taking over this territory.

Well, we'll find out
when we get to the fort

and talk to Sergeant Tobin.

I can understand why an old
soldier like Charlie Tobin

would upset
the chain of command

and write directly
to the president.

Who'd want to be stuck
in this isolated place?

( bell ringing )

I think someone just
invited us to dinner, pal.




Anybody home?


Somebody rang
that dinner bell.


( horse whinnies )


Must be something wrong
with the water.

The horses won't drink it.

Poor devil.

Knifed in the back.

He must have been
the owner of this homestead.

"Death to the gringos."

It's signed,
"Los Pistoleros."

Aren't those the ones trying
to take over the territory?

( guns cocking )

Let's ask them.

( tense theme playing )

Looks like
we were expected.

( upbeat western theme playing )

( speaking in Spanish )

( speaking in Spanish )

Did I hear big mouth

Yep, they're going
to hang you

and take me with them.

No hard feelings, Jim.

I resent that.

What do you think they have
planned for you, Artie?

I don't want to wait
to find out.

If I could just
get my hand in

and take this out
of the waistband.

Un momento!

( speaking in Spanish )

Uh, sorry, amigo.

You heard the man, Artie.

He said, "Drop it."

Guess I'd better.

( action theme playing )

( all coughing )

This could go on all day.

Let's quit playing
with them, huh, Artie?

( speaking in Spanish )

( shouting indistinctly )

( horses whinnying )


Artie, why do you suppose
they wanted to kill me

and capture you?

Well, maybe I'm more
valuable, that's all.

Well, whoever thought that

has a picture of you.

There was a leak
about our trip here.

It had to come
from Fort Challenge.

Now, that doesn't
do me justice.

"Bernal's, Tohachi, Arizona."

Know him?

No, but I'm gonna
make it a point

to get better acquainted.

Do that.

( groaning )

I'm going to take
Señor Pistolero to the fort.

He's got some explaining
to do.

See you.

( tense theme playing )

Go on!
Get on in there!

Get in there!

I'm sorry, sir.

Colonel Roper is down in
the border hunting Pistoleros,

and Major Robinson's
on patrol.

Well, I'm sorrier.
Who's in charge here?

I am, sir.
Lieutenant Murray.

I'd like to welcome you
to Fort Challenge.

Thank you, lieutenant.

My name's James West,
and I'm with the government.

Yes, sir, I know.
We've been expecting you.

You know?

What's your source
of information, lieutenant?


My coming here was supposed
to be a secret mission

known only to Colonel Roper.

Now, is he in the habit

of confiding
in junior officers?

Well, Sergeant Tobin didn't
exactly keep it a secret

that he'd written
to the president.

He even gave a copy
to the colonel.

That was, of course,
after he'd mailed the letter.

I see. Well, then, I'd better
see Charlie Tobin right away.

That is, unless
he's on patrol too.

No, sir.
He's in the guardhouse.


For assaulting an officer,

making wild charges,

and conducting himself
in an unmilitary manner.

That doesn't sound like
the Sergeant Tobin I know.

You'd better take
me to him right away.

Sir, unless you can show me
a written order

giving you access
to the prisoner,

you'll have to wait
till the colonel returns.

And you don't know when
that will be, lieutenant?

No, sir, I don't.

Sorry, mister.

No civilians allowed
in the guardhouse.

Yeah, well, sergeant,

I want to talk to that
Pistolero I brought in.

Not a chance, mister.

You just want to see
Sergeant Tobin.

I've had orders
to keep you out.

Orders from
Lieutenant Murray?

He's in command right now.

( suspenseful theme playing )



Jim, boy.

I got the word you'd come,
but I can't believe it.

I came as fast as I could,

Where's Artemus?

He's in Tohachi,
but he'll be along soon.

Good, good.

I knew General Grant
wouldn't desert me.

Let's get a look at you.

It is Jim West, isn't it?

You can see me, Charlie.

Seeing ain't enough
these days.

That's one thing I learned,
but not in time.

What do you mean, Charlie?

It starts below the border,
with the Pistoleros,

and up here
there's a plot brewing.

We're surrounded
by spies and traitors

right in the fort.

You, uh, sure of that,

I got to get out of here.

They can't let me live.
I know too much.

When Colonel Roper
gets back, I'll talk to him.

Right now, you better give me
some more information

before Lieutenant Murray
finds out I'm here.

How do you know
he's Murray?

What do you mean,
how do I know he's Murray?

I said how do you know
he's Lieutenant Murray?

Because Colonel Roper put him
in charge of this fort,

and that's enough for me,

Maybe you're
too easy satisfied, Jim.

Or maybe you ain't Jim at all.
How do I know?

Eyes aren't enough anymore.
I need proof.

You prove to me you're Jim West.

Remember that farmhouse
on the road to Shiloh?

There was a little
white farmhouse

with apple trees all
in bloom when we was there.

That's because it was
in the spring, Charlie.


And the farmer's
two daughters,

what were their names?

that was a long time ago.

Jim West would remember.

Let me think.

The older girl, the one
with the black hair,

her name was, uh--
Was Zedra.

But I can't remember
the other girl's name.

All right, Jim.

I'm sorry.
I just had to be sure.

Listen, this Lieutenant Murray,
he's a ringer.

The Pistoleros
planted him here.

Artemus Gordon,
he'll know.

The real Murray
was in his regiment.

Artemus is coming along soon,

I can't wait, Jim.

You gotta get me
out of here.

All right, mister.

You wanted in so bad,
I'm gonna lock you up.

Get up!

Drop that gun belt.

Tobin, you can't--

( gun cocks )

Now kick them keys
over here.

( upbeat theme playing )

( bell rings )

Good afternoon, señor.

Do you wish to have
a photograph?

Uh, thank you very much.
I-I already have one.

Well, it fails
to do you justice, señor.

The photographer
was very stupid.

The photographer was you.

Heh. Impossible.

Hmm. Oh, I remember now.

A customer
brought me a negative

and asked for some copies
to be made.

How many?

Um, a dozen.

What was the name
of the customer?

Uh. It was a long time ago,

Maybe two weeks.

I remember faces,
but, uh, names...

It's a minor failing,
curable by your records.

Could you look the name up?

My records
are confidential, señor.

I do not reveal such
information to strangers.

Could you make an exception?



You insist?

I'm afraid I do.

Very well. Follow me.

This is my assistant.

A little higher with your chin,
señor, please.

Thank you.

Here it is.

The customer was a man
called Sanchos.

Sanchos. Where would I find him?

Over here, señor.

Sanchos' aim has improved
since this morning.

Don't you agree, señor?

I don't believe we've me--

( dramatic theme playing )

Lie still, please.

I want to observe
your condition.

Do you have pain?

( weakly ):
Behind the throat.

Temporary impairment
of the vocal cord.

It will pass in a few days.

Now, can you remember
what happened to you?

No. I was--

I was in Bernal's.

The photographer...

Where am I now?

In my hacienda.

I've seen you before,

You were in Bernal's.

I went to much time
and trouble

to apprehend you,
Señor Gordon.

Passing out photographs
to the Pistoleros.

( chuckles )

In the end,
it was all unnecessary

because you came to me.

Eh, tell me, would it be

prying to ask
why you want me?

To fulfill a function.

It would be pointless
to go into detail,

and quite dangerous.

In time, it will all
be made clear to you.

Well, since I have
urgent business elsewhere,

I may have
to leave before that.

Of course,
Señor Gordon.

Feel free to leave
at any time.

Come along,
Dr. Winterich.

Who are the Pistoleros?

I wish I knew, Mr. West.

I wish I understood
the meaning

behind their excursions.

They burn, they kill,
they create terror,

all without any visible
pattern or meaning.

My troopers take the field
against them,

they scatter and reform
below the border.

What are the Mexican

doing about it, colonel?

Apparently nothing.

I've dispatched the strongest
possible protest

to Colonel Vega
of the Sonora garrison,

but so far,
there's been no answer.

On top of all this,

all these wild accusations
from Sergeant Tobin.

Maybe there's some connection,



You've talked to him.

Does he seem like
a rational man to you?

He sounds like a frightened man
to me, colonel.

A man who has something to say
and no one to listen to him.

Hm. Nobody except the president
of the United States.

( knocking on door )


The search party
has just returned, sir.

Fine. Have they brought
Sergeant Tobin back with them?

Yes, sir.

Very good.
Let's go. West.

Sir, we overtook
the prisoner near Tohachi

and ordered him
to surrender.

Instead, he began
to fire at us from cover.

We had no alternative
but to return fire.

Who shot this man?

I couldn't tell, Mr. West.
We were all firing.

You gave the order.

My actions are not subject
to review by a civilian.

That's enough,

You and your men
are dismissed.

Yes, sir.

Corporal McKay,
move them out.

Colonel, does that end it?

He shouldn't have resisted.

Sir, don't you think
it's sort of curious

that the man
that was accused

of being an impersonator
by Tobin

is the man that
brought back his body?

Sergeant Tobin
made many accusations.

None of them
were substantiated.

Can you vouch
for Lieutenant Murray, sir?

He was transferred here

from Fort Leavenworth
two months ago.

His papers
were entirely in order.

Well, I know someone
who can vouch for him,

my partner, Artemus Gordon.
He's in Tohachi.

I have a feeling
Tobin was headed that way

when he was killed.

Then I suggest
you find Mr. Gordon

and settle this question
for yourself.

That's what I intend
to do, sir,

if I'm not bushwhacked
on the way.

Mr. West.

Yes, sir?

I'll ride with you.

Yes, sir.

( upbeat western theme playing )

( speaking in Spanish )

No, gracias.

( continues speaking )




Mr. Bernal?


Hey, Jim!


Where the devil you been?

( hoarsely ):


I was shanghaied.

By the Pistoleros?

Nobody else.

I came to
with a terrible throat.

I don't know, some hacienda
ten miles below the border.

What about you? You find out
anything about what's going on?

No, people seem
to keep dying on me.

Like who?




For a while,
I had my doubts about you.

Oh, no. I'm fine. I--

Hey, is that Alvin Murray?



Look, I didn't know
you were stationed out here.

Yes, sir. Mighty nice seeing you
again, Captain Gordon.

Pleasure. Look at you, you're
all grown up. You look great.

Thank you, sir.
You know my partner, James West?

Yes, sir,
we've had the pleasure.

Colonel Roper's looking
for you, Mr. West.

He's waiting for you
over at the hotel.

We're on our way right now,

Good. Well, then,

hope to see you
at the fort, Captain Gordon.

Good night, gentlemen.

Goodnight, goodnight Alvin.

Oh, there's a fine boy.

You know, he used to be
bugler in my regiment.

Mm. Let's go see the colonel,



Charlie Tobin
was sure that you'd expose

Lieutenant Murray
as an imposter.

Oh, no.
I'd know him anywhere.

The kid's been
a friend for years.

( action theme playing )

Is he dead?

( suspenseful theme playing )

( playing "Taps" )

And two.

Honor squad,
prepare to fire.







( gunshots )

Order, arms.

About face.

Forward march.

Goodbye, colonel.

There's never anything
to be said at a time like this,

the loss of a comrade
after so many years.

But if it's of any
comfort to you, West,

remind yourself
that he was a soldier,

and he died like one.

The comfort will come,

from finding the man
that shot him in the back.

What will you do now?

Something you can't do.

I'm gonna cross
that border into Mexico.

Yes, it's true
that I can't lead

an armed force into Mexico,

but I can and will
go myself.

The assassination
of Gordon

has brought the border
situation to a head.

Colonel Vega has agreed
to meet with me.

Oh, Mr. West,
I'd appreciate it

if, when you're in the area,

you'd inform Colonel Vega

that I will be
at his headquarters

shortly after dawn.


If you operate in Mexico

without Colonel Vega's

you will worsen
the border situation.

Yes, sir.

( tense theme playing )


( upbeat Latin guitar music
playing inside )

( crowd cheering, laughing )

( applause )

Hello, Americano.

I drink tequila too.

Here, drink this one.

Not alone.

Otro tequila, por favor.


Who you kill?

No one.
( scoffs )

You on the run,

and you come to Mexico
to hide.

Because you steal
much money?

No, I'm looking
for someone, that's why.

A man or a woman?

A man.

( chuckles )

So am I.

This man's name is Sanchos.
You know him?


Why don't you ask
your friends?

( speaking in Spanish )

( speaks in Spanish )

This man had a big mustache

and carried
a bone-handled knife.


( Woman speaking in Spanish )

Señor, por favor.

You leave my cantina now.


Because when there's trouble,

the soldados come.

Why is there
going to be trouble?

If you don't leave
my cantina now,

my friends are going
to throw you out,

and that, señor,
is trouble.

A representative
of a foreign government

is expected to present
his credentials

to the proper authority.

In the province of Sonora,
Señor West,

I am the proper authority.

I know that, colonel,

but I didn't want
to disturb your evening.

But I have been disturbed.

My dinner was interrupted.

My apologies, colonel,
but since I am here,

I have a message
from Colonel Roper.

He plans to come here?

Early tomorrow.

Meanwhile, you will continue

the search for this man

With your permission.

( sighs ):

Since he killed your friend,

I suspect you will continue
with or without my permission.

Therefore, I grant it.

Thank you, colonel.

Do you have any idea
who you are looking for?

Oh, I know the man,
all right,

and I know his weapon.

Goodbye, colonel,
and thank you again.

( mysterious theme playing )

Eas-- Easy.

That's right, Sanchos.

Take a good look at the man
who's gonna kill you.

No, wait.
I am not prepared to die.

Neither was the man
you shot in the back.

( gunshot )

Now we shall see
who is going to die, gringo.

( Sanchos gasps )

you're a dying man.

You've killed a lot of men
in your time.

Save your soul.

Tell me, why did you
kill Artemus Gordon?

Your friend had to die

because of his importance.

His death

would bring the American colonel
to Mexico.

He will be assassinated.


When he crosses the border.

Tell me,
who's the head Pistolero?

Tell me.

( tense theme playing )



Who is that?
I can't tell.

He seems excited
about something.

Hyah. Hyah!

Colonel! Hyah!



( horse whinnies )

Señor, there is a doctor
at my hacienda.

They are both
at your service.

May I present myself,

I am Armando Galiano.

How far is your hacienda?

Less than a mile, señor.

( speaking in Spanish )

( upbeat Latin theme playing )

Everyone wait outside,

Quickly! This man may be
seriously injured.

West, wait.

Get back to the fort.

Tell Major Hudson
to make no move

unless he hears from me.

Yes, sir.

Take good care of him,


Hold it.

It's amazing.

Could you tell which
is the real Colonel Roper?

As good as your double.

I'll be taking off
for Fort Apache now.

Good. Everything will be ready
by the time you get back.

What have you done
with Alvin Murray?

What's--? What's going on?

Who was that?

It's a lot too complicated

to explain
right now, colonel,

but what it boils down to
is that a Pistolero

is now commanding officer
of Fort Challenge.

( dramatic theme playing )

( dramatic theme playing )

Colonel, would you mind

getting down to the end
of that pipe

and seeing whether
you can help me turn this?

All right?

Here we go.

( metal grinding )

Once more.

( metal grinding )

( knocking on door )

Come in.

Colonel, Lieutenant Murray
has just been sighted.

He should be here
right away.

Very well, sergeant.

Have all the officers
report here for a staff meeting.

You and your men stand by.

Yes, sir, and Mr. West
would like to see you.


Oh, sergeant, uh,

don't we have
anything to drink here?

Your private stock, sir.

In the right bottom drawer.

Oh, yes, of course.
Thank you.

Oh, uh,
and send Mr. West in, please.

Yes, sir.

How are you feeling,

Oh, fine, fine.

It's nothing serious.
Just a--

Just a slight concussion.

Have you uncovered anything?

Yes, sir. I found the man
that killed Artemus Gordon.

He died before he could tell me
who the head Pistolero was.

His identity isn't
that much of a mystery.

You know who it is, sir?

Come, come, Mr. West.

These terrorists couldn't
operate out of Mexico

without the knowledge
and sanction

of Vega's garrison.

Have you found
new evidence, sir?

Evidence? Isn't that what you
were sent down here to get?

I must tell you, Mr. West,
that a full report

has been sent
to President Grant

from Fort Apache.


a communiqué
from the commander-in-chief.

I quote the president.

"These repeated border
violations by the Pistoleros,

"along with the brutal murder
of Artemus Gordon,

"and the attack
against Colonel Roper,

"constitute warlike actions

"by a foreign power.

"I therefore direct

"that prompt and retributive
measures be taken

against the Sonora garrison
in Mexico."

Well, that's clear enough,

There's only one interpretation
to this, gentlemen.

This means war.

Colonel, before you take action,
don't you think you should

confirm that telegram?

The courier that delivered
the dispatch

is not completely
above suspicion.

I had the impression

that Captain Gordon
vouched for me.

For your identity,
not your patriotism.

I demand an apology!

Gentlemen, if there is
to be any fighting,

let it be against
the Sonora garrison.

We attack at dawn.

Good. That will give me
just enough time

to get to Fort Apache
and check out that telegram.

Or to Colonel Vega.

When you question
the commander-in-chief,

I begin to doubt
your patriotism, sir.

You begin to doubt
my what?

Lock him up!

Get in there!


Wake up, Pistolero.

Hey, gringo.

( laughing )

They finally
caught you, huh?

How would you like
to get out of here?

I'll get out,

feet first.

Not if you use your head.

You can walk out with me.

Just tell me
who the head Pistolero is.

First, you get yourself out,

then maybe I'll tell you.

( laughing )

That's very funny, señor.

Ay, caramba!

( whispering ):

( whispering ):
That's very good, señor.

Now, do it on my door.

First the name.

I can't, señor.

You can nod, can't you?


Armando Galiano.

I thought so.

Hey, gringo! Gringo!

You forgot about me!

What's going on in here?

Never trust a gringo!

Hmm, a message
from Lieutenant Murray.

At dawn, Colonel Roper

will begin the next phase
of my plan.

So all we do is wait
for the Americans to invade.

No, we do not wait,

We permit a warning
of the invasion

to reach Colonel Vega,

who will march
at once to disaster.

( chuckles )

( military theme playing )

The Fort Challenge cavalry

outnumbers Colonel Vega's men
two to one.

If he resists,
he'll be wiped out,

at which point Señor Galiano

simply steps in
and takes over Sonora.

Fighting his revolution
with my troops.


Of course,
it takes a twisted mind,

very complex, a lot of time.

and someone like Dr. Winterich,

who can alter features
through facial surgery.

If we could just
get out of these ropes.

Won't be too long now,
colonel. Keep turning.

To the new leadership.

With the help
of my able lieutenants,

the province of Sonora,

tomorrow, all of Mexico.

Or the firing squad at dawn.

That is, unless
you change your plan.

Too late, Señor West.

According to my information,
Colonel Roper--

Or whoever he is.

He has already reached
the border.

He crosses
within the hour.

Señor, I would welcome
your opinion of my strategy.


Weren't your Pistoleros

( chuckles )

At no time, señor,

did the number of Pistoleros
exceed 15.

Hardly enough
to engage Colonel Vega.

And yet, with 15 men

and a touch of genius,
one could conquer the world.


( suspenseful theme playing )

( stair creaks )

Go back, help them.

Go on! Help them!

Hold it!

( gunshot )

Thanks, Artie.

"Thanks, Artie"?

Is that all
you can say to me?

I've just come back
from the grave,

risen like Lazarus,
and that's what you say?

"Thanks, Artie"?

Thanks, Artie.

It's a pleasure.

( military theme playing )

( speaking indistinctly )

Cross the border at--

Colonel, it's 5:40.

Very well, lieutenant.
Dawn will break at 5:48.

you have eight minutes

to reach your command posts.
Don't bother, gentlemen.

The invasion's off.

West, this is treason.
I could have you shot.

You've been relieved
of this command.

By whose authority?

Mine, sir.

General Riddell, sir.

As you were, gentlemen.

General, sir, I--
I don't understand.

You, sir,

you understand
only too well.

But sir, I am Colonel Roper.
I am in command here.

You are an imposter, sir.
So is Lieutenant Murray.

I am the commanding officer
of Fort Challenge

and the territory of Arizona.

Tomorrow, I will be
Commandant of Sonora!

you will be in irons.

Major, arrest these men.

you meddling fool, you.

Sergeant, take them out
and have them put under guard.

Yes, sir.

General, sir,
if these men are impostors,

where are the real ones?

We don't know what happened
to Lieutenant Murray.

Probably murdered.

Colonel Roper is at this moment
conferring with Colonel Vega.

He should be here
within the hour.

Good, sir.

it was mighty fortunate

you happened along, general.

Yes, sir.
It was mighty fortunate.


isn't it?

( upbeat theme playing )

( sighs )

What a miserable night.

Feels like rain out there.

That is,
if it doesn't snow first.

Well, thank you.

What are we doing alone
on a night like this?

A night like this was made
for female companionship.


What happened
at the trial, Artie?

Mm. Well, the phony
Colonel Roper

and Lieutenant Murray

are gonna be behind bars
for a long, long time.

You can be sure of that.

Come on. What do you say?
Let's go out on the town, huh?

We can look up a couple
of lovelies that I know,

take them out to a good
restaurant maybe, huh?

You feel like a good meal,
huh, Artie?

Oh, you know it.

I know a place makes the most
marvelous bouillabaisse,

and a pompano en papillotte
that can't be beat.

Artie, would you--?
Would you settle

for a little onion soup
and some stew?


Stew? I--
( ringing )

Oh, stew. Oh, I love stew.
I really do.

I know you've
always loved stew.

Oh, yeah. My all-time favorite,
yes. Shall we?


Oh, yes.

Just beautiful,
beautiful. Heh.

He loves stew, girls.

( upbeat theme playing )

( upbeat western theme playing )