The Wild Wild West (1965–1969): Season 3, Episode 20 - The Night of the Death Masks - full transcript

Jim and Arte unknowingly become a part of a bizarre revenge plot involving mistaken identities.

That'll be the
stage coming, miss.

Thank you.


Hey, what do you got
to drink inside, junior?

Coffee. Coffee?

Good thing we got
our own refreshments.

Well, you can't
get drunk on coffee.

Boy, and I'd hate to try.

Ain't that the truth.

And I don't even like it.

Never drink it.

Well, now.

What sort of pretty
little thing are you?

Hi, honey.

How 'bout having a drink
with me and my friends here?

No, thank you.

Now you ain't being polite.

What, do you expect
her to bottle-lip with us?

Get a cup for the little lady.

I told you, I don't
want a drink.

You hear that, fellas?

She said she'd be delighted.

Lady doesn't look delighted.

I don't like your piano playing.


I don't know how I can
ever thank you, Mr. West.

Oh, it is Mr. West, isn't it?

Have we met?

I'm Amanda Morrison.

Caleb Morrison is my uncle.

You're the niece of
the superintendent

of the San Francisco Mint.

I was lucky
enough to be visiting

the day it was held up.

I had a box-seat view

of all the exciting
things that went on.

You weren't lucky,
and it wasn't exciting.

Those were vicious killers
that attacked the mint.

Didn't mean to sound so callous.

You know something?

I didn't mean to
sound so disapproving.

Well, actually, I
still wake up shaking

when I think what
might have happened

if you and your partner
hadn't killed that...

That horrible man who led them.

Emmet Stark.

Oh, yes. Now I remember.

He wasn't killed,
he was wounded.

He's now serving
a life sentence.

You know, Uncle Caleb
still has to use a cane.

And he might've been killed
like all those poor guards

if it hadn't been for you and...

You'll have to
excuse me for staring,

but I just cannot
remember meeting you.

It was five years ago.

I've grown up since then.

Yes, you've, uh,
grown up since then.

All right, we're
ready to roll, folks!

Any time you are, you...

Hey, what happened?

Those gentlemen will
be catching a later stage.

Oh, dear. I forgot something.

Oh, I'll get it.

No, Mr. West.

I insist on powdering
my own nose.

Hey, miss, you forgot your bag.

Boy, he sure was a handful.

Well, he isn't anymore.


Anybody home?

Thank you.


Artemus Gordon, man of mystery.

Oh, yes. Cloak and dagger.

Oh, actually, Velia,

there's nothing
mysterious about me at all

right this minute.



Champagne for lunch.

I feel so deliciously sinful.

I know, I feel that
way all the time.

All right then.

Artemus Gordon, if your
life is such an open book,

what do you do?

What do I do? Mmm.

Oh, you mean what do
I do? You mean work?

Oh, I... I'm in, uh,
porcelain door handles.

Porcelain door handles?

Oh, seriously?

Velia, I hope you are
not the kind of a girl

who thinks that a
man would make jokes

about something like that.

I know, but porcelain
door handles?

As a matter of fact,

I happen to be very good at it.

I brought a whole new dimension

to porcelain door handles.

Just the other day, my
divisional sales manager

told me he had me in
mind for a promotion.

He called me into his office

and said to me,
"Gordon," he said,

"I've been keeping my
eye on you for some time..."

I do hope I'm not interrupting.

Not at all, colonel.

What are you doing
here in Virginia City?

I just arrived.

Oh, well, excuse me.

May I present Colonel Richmond?

This is Miss Velia Marsh.

How do you do?

I'll bet you're Artemu"

divisional sales manager, right?

Yes, uh...

You might say that, yes.

Well, Artemus
was just telling me

how he brought a
whole new dimension

to the world of
porcelain door...

Uh, Velia, darling,
why don't you see

whether you can get
some kind of a tune

out of that piano
player over there, huh?

Thank you very much.
I'll be right with you.

There a hon.

What's the trouble, colonel?

Remember Emmet Stark? Mm-hm.

He shot his way out of prison.

Now, I don't have to remind you

of his curtain speech
to you and West

after the judge sentenced him.

I remember it very well.

"Neither chains, nor
bars, nor the devil himself

can keep me from settling
my score with you two."

Listen, I just had
a wire from Jim

saying he was leaving Tonopah

for a town called Paradox.

I'm gonna go back
to the train and wire...

What's the matter?



As divisional sales manager,

I should naturally
know all the towns

in my territory, right?

I never heard of that one.


There you are, my dear.

Look, why don't you start
on the escargot without me?

The colonel and I have to plan
an emergency sales campaign.

There's a love.

Porcelain door handles.

Easy, boy.

Easy, boy.


Come on. Come on.

Come on.

Well, what do they say?

Ah, same thing Washington said.

There is no Paradox,
insofar as they know.

Not in Nevada or anywhere
in the United States.

So obviously, Jim
never sent that telegram.


Well, let's just separate
the fact from the fiction,

shall we, colonel?

There has to be some connection

with Jim's being lured
into this phony Paradox

and Emmet Stark
suddenly escaping from...

Excuse me.

Oh, Jim, darl...


Oh, dear.

Oh, I'm terribly
sorry. It's all right.

I thought... I
thought you were...

James West, I know. Yeah.

Right idea, wrong man.


Would you tell him
Amanda Vail is here, please?

Oh, I'm sorry.

He isn't here at the
moment, Miss Vail.

Not here?

Well, he has to be.

We arranged to meet here.

He's taking me to lunch.

Uh, when was this
arranged, miss?


Well, yesterday at Tonopah,
when we got on the stage.

The lunch was his idea.

Uh, excuse me, Miss Vail,

but do you happen to
know where he was headed?

I think he mentioned a
town named Paradox.

Uh, the stage stopped
at, uh, Paradox?

No, I remember now.

Jim got off at a relay station.

Como Creek.

But I don't...

Oh, well, this is ridiculous.

Why am I standing here

discussing all this nonsense?

Jim was supposed
to meet me here,

and if he hasn't the courtesy

to remember an
engagement, he could...

Now, miss, I'm sure that he...

Well, she certainly
left in a huff, didn't she?

Pulled by a spanking
pair of black horses.

Good at riddles, colonel?

Not very. Why?

Why is Miss Vail's performance
like this cuckoo clock?

All right. Why?

Because it just
cuckooed four times,

while the hands point to 7:00.

But in actual fact, the
time happens to be 12:30.

I see.

Neither one rings true.

This another one of
your talented hunches?

No, just a matter
of simple logic, sir.

If Amanda left in such a huff

because she was
stood up for lunch by Jim,

why was it conveniently
waiting outside

for her to depart in?

As if she knew she'd
be leaving alone.


I just think I'll have
one of my men

tail Miss Amanda Vail.

What do you think?

I think that's the
indicated treatment, sir.

That, plus a little
visit to Como Creek.

Who are you?

I'm... I'm Betsy Cole.

You alone?

What are you doing here?

I guess I'm lost.

Well, tell me about being lost.

Well, I...

I left home this morning.

I've never been
very far away before.

By myself, I mean.

I guess I just got lost.

Well, where were you headed?

Nowhere in particular.

Daddy thrashed
me for the last time,

if you gotta know.

You see, there was
this boy named Larkin,

and he wanted to take
me to a dance, and...

Daddy said he'd kill him
if he came around again.

And he would have.

So you ran away to
save young Larkin?

I don't wanna talk
about it anymore.

All right.

Do you live here?


Nobody lives here. Come on.

Are you in some kind of danger?


You said there were no
other people in this town.

You're hurt!

Yeah, I am hurt.

And, no, there are
people in this town,

but they don't wanna be seen.

But they're watching
us. You can bet on it.


It's some kind of a
game that they're playing.

Game? What kind of game?

The object is to see if
they can scare me first.

And then?

Never mind.

You get out of this place.

You'd be a lot less
lost in the desert

than you are in this town.

Well, if somebody's
trying to scare you,

why don't you leave?

Because I like to
see how games end.

If you know anything
about a telegraph,

maybe you could get help.

I mean, I just passed
a telegraph office.

Down there.

And I heard kind of a
clicking sound inside.

Of course, there had
to be a telegraph office.



Maybe somebody will hear you.

I'm sure somebody will.

Nobody heard you.


What are they saying?

"Count the hours, Mr. West.

"Tomorrow you will die,

"hating yourself for
what you will have done.

Emmet Stark."

What does that mean,

"Tomorrow you will die,

hating yourself for what
you will have done"?

I don't know yet.

Good morning.

Good morning.

How's your leg?

I've known it
when it's felt better,

but fortunately the
bleeding stopped.

I was going to make
us some breakfast,

but there's no
food in the kitchen.

There's plenty of food
at the general store.

I'll get it. No.

No, you rest.

I'll get it.


Good morning, sir!

Fine-looking town you got here.

You like it?

It's yours.

Aw, give me a man

with a sense of
humor every time.

The name's Goff. Hector Goff.

Traveling man in dry
goods and sundries.

There. How is it now?

Thanks, doc. It snapped.

Great day in the...


Well, maybe this won't
be a total loss after all.

Oh, uh, this is Miss Fogarty.

Most recently from
the thriving mining town

of Dead Dog, Colorado,
on our way to...

Excuse me, Mr. Goff.

This man is injured.

I'm Dr. Prior.

What's the matter with your leg?

All right, come on.

What's next? Come
on, I'm waiting.

I'm afraid I don't understand.

What are all you
people doing here?

Look, mister, we...

We come awful
close to losing a wheel

a few miles back,

so I figured I
better pull in here

and tighten up this
here axle nut, see?

Yeah, that desert
out there isn't my idea

of a pleasant place
to be stranded in.

No, this town's not on
my regular run either.

Fact is, I, uh... I never
heard of it before.

But you've all heard
of Emmet Stark.


Never mind.

It's a long story.

Well, perhaps
you'll tell us about it

while I have a look
at that leg of yours.

Come along, Mr. Goff.
Lend me a hand.

How long will it be, driver?

Few more turns of the wrench,

we'll be ready.

Thank you.

Thank you, Miss Fogarty.

You would make
an excellent nurse.

The kind of places I work, doc,

it's just part of the job.

I'm afraid I had to be

a little rough on you, Mr. West.

That's all right, doc.

That story you told us, friend,

now that's one for the books.

That's for sure.


That'll take the
edge off the pain.

You're coming
with us, of course?

I'm very grateful, doctor.

We're all set to roll.

About time.

Come on, honey.

Come along, Mr. West.

What is it, Mr. West?

You haven't changed
your mind, have you?

If you don't get
out of this town,

you're making a big mistake.

Well, I guess you know
your own mind, honey.


Doctor, wait.

You said I could come with you.

Doc! Ha!

Excuse me, are you
the station master?

Yes, sir.

Well, I'm looking
for a friend of mine

who came in on a
stage here yesterday.

His name is West.


Let me see now...

Excuse me, sir.

Maybe I could help.


I'm Dr. Prior.

I couldn't help
overhearing your question

to the station master.

Could the friend
you're looking for

be James West, by any chance?


It is the same one.

We saw your friend this morning.

Oh, fine. Where?

Oh, won't you sit down
and we'll fill you in, Mr...

Gordon. Artemus Gordon.

Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, uh, may I
present Miss Fogarty?

How do you do? Hello.

And Mr. Goff.

Pleased and proud
to meet you, sir.

Likewise, I'm sure.

Thank you very much.

Uh, may I ask where it was

you saw Mr. West?

On the road just a
few miles from here.

Our stage developed
wheel trouble

and while we were
stopped, Mr. West rode by

and asked if he could
be of any assistance.

He certainly has polish
and breeding, your friend.

There you go.

Oh, thank you.

Here, Mr. Gordon.

Let me get that out of your way.

Thank you.

Fortunately, the
trouble was minor.

Something the
driver took care of.

So after we chatted for a
while, your friend rode on.

Rode on where?

He said he was on
his way to Virginia City

to meet a friend.

Might have been referring
to you, Mr. Gordon.

Did, uh, he seem
strange in any way?

How's that?

Oh, he had real lovely manners.

Oh, no, no, no.

I mean, he wasn't hurt

or anything like that, was he?

Looked in good shape to me.

I'll say.

Well, it's a relief to
know he's all right

as far as he went, anyway.

He, uh, didn't happen to
mention where he'd been

or anything like that, did he?

No. Can't recall he did.

Are you figuring on returning

to Virginia City
to meet Mr. West?

Yes, I am.

Long ride, isn't it?

Why not come along
with us in the stage?

Yes, Mr. Gordon.

Why don't you?

Well, thank you.

I don't mind if I do.


Oh, excuse me.

All right, you three,

we're gonna have the
truth out of you now.

Where's Jim West?


I'm gonna ask
you just one more...


What's the matter, Mr. Gordon?

Sudden attack of vertigo?

It was in the coffee, wasn't it?

From the classic double vision

and the lack of
balance, I'd say it was...

Oh, no. Oh, no.


Relax, Artie.

You're all right?


Let's get ready for Emmet Stark.

I got you.

You filthy...

I killed him.

The man that was
like a brother to me.

I killed him for you, didn't I?

I really should
apologize, Mr. Gordon.

It was what you
wanted, wasn't it?

You planned it
that way all along.

No, no, no.

Actually, I planned that
Mr. West would kill you.

However, in a drama as intricate

as the one we've just enacted,

we shouldn't quarrel
with a slight variation

on a theme, should we?

So you killed West.

A mere detail, really.

Not really.

Well, well, well,

I'd almost forgotten
how full of subtleties

you and Mr. Gordon were.

What now?

I suggest it's a
Mexican standoff, Stark.

Why not?

Check, double-check,

and finally...


You are now covered by
a double-barreled shotgun.

Drop your guns, both of you.

You can come out now.

Thank you, my dear.

Gentlemen, my daughter.

This seems to be a
day for resurrections,

doesn't it, Mr. West?

First you and now Betsy
returned from the dead.

What about the other
members of your company?

The three soldiers and Amanda?

Not to mention
that sterling trio

that sing and dance their
way into your hearts...

Prior, Goff and Fogarty.

All patiently waiting for us

at Como Creek.

And now, with due regard
for your masterful stalling,

au revoir.

Come, my dear.

These men have work to do.

Let's go.

Move it.

Let's go. Get over there!

Face the wall and turn around.

Jim, the gun!

May I have the gun, dear?


Here we are, darling.

Thank you, Daddy.

There we go.

It was fun, wasn't it, Daddy?

Indeed it was, my dear.

It worked out quite well.

You may drive on, Jesse!



Hang on, Artie.

You bet.

Stop, you hear! Jesse!

What's going on here?

Stop! Stop, do you hear!

Artie, what did you do that for?

I was enjoying
Stark's music box.

It was like an instant party.

Until our legs heal,

we couldn't do any
dancing anyway.

Let's face it.

Something's gone
out of our lives.

I'm glad Stark and
that whole gang

are rounded up
and back in the poky.

Yeah, nothing but dullness

facing us now.

I can stand a little dullness.

Artie? Hm?

I got a surprise for you.

It just might cheer you up.

For me?

Oh, you shouldn't have.

I know. That's why I didn't.

Hey, it's from Velia Marsh.

Oh, that sweet little thing.

And after the
way I left her alone

in that restaurant.

You would have...

Oh, something died.

Escargot aren't
supposed to smell like that.

They do after
they're a week old.