The Wild Wild West (1965–1969): Season 3, Episode 15 - The Night of the Running Death - full transcript

Learning that Europe's most deadly assassin, a man known only as Enzo, has arrived in America, West and Gordon set out to stop him. Upon finding their first informant murdered, West joins up with Gordon in a wagon train heading west to Denver. Gordon is tracking a group of dancers, any one of whom may be Topaz, Enzo's girlfriend. But as the days pass, bodies begin to pile up, and it becomes clear that one of the wagon train's passengers must be the assassin himself. But whom? Before West and Gordon can uncover the identity of Enzo, the wagon train arrives in Denver. Fearing Enzo's target may be Colorado's governor, West and Gordon take steps to protect him. The simultaneous arrival of a European colonel brings a vital clue to Enzo's target.

Good evening, sir.

Welcome to St. Louis Whitman.

Room and a bath?

Oh, no, thank you.
Mr. Markham's expecting me.

My name is James West.

Room 211.

How many James Wests are there

visiting Mr. Markham, anyway?

I don't like hecklers.

Markham, what... What happened?


What do you mean, "Enzo"?

He's... he's... S...



The man that went
up to see Markham,

the one that said
he was James West,

did you get a good look at him?

Mr. Carstairs.

Ma'am, I keep telling
you Pete will do.

Mr. Carstairs, it's teatime.

Oh, not again.

Yes. So will you come to a halt

and light a small
roadside fire for me?

No, ma'am, I won't.

May I ask why?


Miss Tyler, I just plumb won't,

and there's no ands
or whys about it.


Woman always hollering
about tea all the time.

Sick and tired
of all that stuff.

I got enough trouble

watching out for
these dad-gum Indians.

Kohner, you haven't missed

a single bump or
pothole along the way.

You're breaking my heart, Gerta.

Listen, getting my
brain scrambled

isn't part of the deal

that, uh, you
sweet-talked me into.

You weren't too particular

about the travel
arrangements to Denver

when I bailed you out of
that St. Louis jail, as I recall.

Oh! Mr. Kohner, the
big casino operator.

It'll probably be
some flea joint

in the Denver slums
we'll be dancing in.


Miss Tyler?


Looks like you gonna get

that ding-dang
tea party after all,

now that we done
got us a cavalry escort.

I don't mind telling
you we passed through

some mighty mean
Apache country, ma'am.

Apache? Red Indians?

The reddest, the
meanest, the orneriest,

the throat-cuttingest bunch
of heathens you ever did see.

Take cover!

Greetings, James.

Hi, Artie.

Address me as
Jonathan Ashley Kingston,

a strolling
Shakespearean player.

Very impressive.

I'm very impressed with your
powers of observation too.

How did you know those
cavalrymen were Indians?

Because I ran across
the real cavalrymen

about four miles back,
or what was left of 'em.

Came as soon as I
got your wire, Artie.

Very timely entrance too.

While you were making
contact with our man in St. Louis,

I found out Enzo
has a girlfriend,

Good, go on.

A maiden I have
reason to believe

is on this very wagon train.

Then it's reasonable to assume

if we find out who
the maiden is...

Oh, by the way, what's her name?


If we follow the maiden,

she'll lead us to Enzo.

Yeah, that's true.

Unfortunately, I have no
idea what she looks like.

Mister, let me shake your hand,

the way you stopped
them varmints.

Chris Kohner here.

We're much obliged
to you, Mr., uh...

James West.

Jonathan Ashley Kingston here,

your servant and debtor, sir,

en route to Denver to
illuminate the western scene

with the ineffable radiance
of the immortal bard.

Oh, and this is Mr. Jeff Smith.

Mr. Kohner and Pete, of
course, you've already met.

Oh, and these gentlemen are
Mr. El Bardhoom and Cocoa,

who are their very
own circus, so to speak.

Oh, and these
four nymphs here...

Gerta, Joan, Alice, and Dierdre,

and whose orisons your
praises will long be remembered,

are being escorted to Denver
by our impresario Mr. Kohner.

Mr. Kohner, this was
not part of the bargain.

I wanna go back to St. Louis.

So do I. Right now.

Hey, we're not going on.

Listen, you four are under
contract to go to Denver,

and I'm holding you to it.

Well, we're not going.

I wanna go home.

Getting killed wasn't
part of our contract.

No, it wasn't.

I'll be happy to
take you back, girls.

There, you see? You mean it?

Yeah, I mean it.

I just came all the way
through Apache country.

I'd be happy to
fight my way back.

Apache country?

That's where the Apaches live.

Uh-huh. Mr. Kohner, I'm
gonna need some horses...

Oh, forget it, mister.

You win, Kohner. On to Denver.

Come on, Gerta.

Young man, I'm Miss Tyler.

Are you by any
chance on your way

to the city of Denver?

Yes, I am. I'd like to ride
along with this party, if I may.

Mmm, good. I'd be pleased.

Uh, Mr. Carstairs.

Uh, yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.

It's considerably past teatime.

Oh, yes. I'll get out

and I'll rustle up
some buffalo chips,

and I'll have your fire
going before you say boo.

Tea. How splendid.

So one of those four
lovelies in that wagon

is Topaz, huh, Artie?

Follow her hard
and gem-like glow,

and she will lead you to Enzo.

When I learned that
Enzo had taken up

with a dancer named Topaz,

I went right over to the theater

to apply for a job,
but it was too late.

Show had closed
just two days before.

That's when I found
out one of the girls

had gotten a wire,
given her notice,

and headed for
Denver with this group.

Did you get a description?

Oh, sure. It fit all
the girls equally well.

They were all the same
size and all wore wigs.


Did you, uh...

Get in touch with Markham?


moments after Enzo did.

Broken neck?


You know, if one of the
lovely ladies is Topaz,

she's gonna end up in Denver.

Who does Enzo want in Denver?

The governor.

Tom Ireland?

Territorial governor who
deals his cards straight,

won't make deals
for convenience sake.

Bound to have stepped on

every pair of
corrupt toes around.

Yeah, but why import
an assassin, Artie?

Yeah, I see what you mean.

They could easily
do the job themselves.

Did you get a look at Enzo?

No. The room was dark,

but I can tell you
one thing about him.

He's got the strongest
pair of hands I've ever felt.

Like the, uh, mighty
Bardhoom, for instance?

Yeah, like the mighty Bardhoom.

Ashes to ashes,

dust to dust.

With a sure and certain hope

of the resurrection...

Enough of all that.

Who's going to
supply a few answers,

like who did this?

Kohner, the girl's
body isn't even cold yet.

Mr. West, yours is a
rather large country,

and I'm sorry to say...

A very violent one.

Joan just reached for
you, but said nothing?

Could it be...

Is it possible we're being
followed by the Indians?

Oh, I don't know, Alice.

Are you being honest, Mr. West?

Well, it's safe to assume
that no Indian did that.

Then it must be somebody
from our own party.

We'll be in Denver in two days.

That gives us two
days to get Enzo.

Think the department
might have gotten some word

as to why Europe's worst
assassin would be out here?

No, I don't think so, Artie,

but I know one thing for sure:

he wasn't out here to do that.

Well, our only hope is Topaz.


Unless that's Topaz.

Hey, who's your friend?

You or anyone who will
sit down opposite me.

No, not me. I pass.

Hey, would you mind
letting me use the cards?

I'd like to play
a little solitaire.

Not these cards.

See, today Mr. Kohner
and Mr. Bardhoom

joined me in a couple
of hands of stud poker.


Well, as a result, you see,

I'm much the richer for it,

and they're much
the poorer for it.

That's why you won't
let me use the cards.

Well, I'll explain.

You see, there's just so
much luck in a deck for me,

and I've just about used
up all the luck in this deck,

and I'm turning
them out to pasture.

Must lose a lot
of cards that way.

Standard operating
expenses of my profession.

I'll tell you what.

Here's a new deck of
cards and a little advice.

Well, thanks for the
cards. What's the advice?

Don't ever play cards with me.

Good night.

Now listen to me.

You have to be patient.

Our time will come.

We'll be there very soon.

Once we get there, we can...

Mr. West, I must talk to you.

All right.

Not here now.

Midnight at the stream.

Must be said in private.


Sweetly sleeps the
moon on yonder bank,

and there's Orion and his dogs

spending an eternity
chasing the Great Bear.

Where's Orion?

Right there by the
tail of the Big Dipper.

But who cares
about the Big Dipper?

Yeah, who cares?

Reminds me of when I was a kid.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

How I wonder what you are.

Up above the world
so high, like a...


Why did you say topaz?

Well, does it bother
you that I did?

No, I'm not.

Let me tell you
something, mister.

Stay away from my girl, huh?

Look, when are you
going to stop acting

like I belong to you?

What, do you belong
to him already?

You know, you're a kind of snake

in our little Garden
of Eden, mister.

You know that?

Don't you agree, Bardhoom?

Sure. Everything
fine and pleasant

till he show up.




What's up, Artie?

I'm not sure yet.

Listen, from the time I
left to make my rounds,

Bardhoom and Kohner
continued to play their card game.

Yeah, except for
a few, uh, moments

when they decided to choose me.


Thank you.

What about Cocoa?

Has he been around all the time?

Yeah, he's been, uh,
playing his merry music.

What's this all leading up to?

Pete never left that fire

from the time he
gave me the rifle today.

No. What's this all about?

I don't know yet, Jim.

I tell you, I heard
a man's voice

on this wagon train
I've never heard before.

Well, what kind of a voice?

It was, uh...

In a day or two,

we'll be there, then we...

You know it.

I heard it in Markham's room.


There's no doubt about it.

Maybe that's what Dierdre
wants to talk to me about.


At midnight.

She's dead.

Strangled. Look.

No. No, don't.

Haven't you done enough already?


Miss Tyler, I was only
trying to see if she...

Can't you see there's no
more life left in the child?

Someone's already seen to that.

So let her alone.

I will take care of her shroud.

Mr. Carstairs,
make another coffin.

Yes, ma'am.

And the rest of you...

If you will see to a grave,

I will be much obliged.

Artie, Jeff Smith.

What about him?

Where is he?

Come to think of it, he
wasn't around last night, either.

Think it's possible
he might be Enzo?

It's possible. Also, she
may have been Topaz.

Mm-hm, he could have killed her

if he thought she
was leading us to him.

Which adds up to one thing:

we don't have a
trail left to follow.

Mr. Kingston, if you please.

Yes, of course. Excuse me.

Ashes to ashes,

dust to dust.

With a sure and certain hope

of the resurrection to come.

Do you still think I'm connected

with a two-bit operation, girls?

Well, Mr. Kohner, I think
I owe you an apology.

Oh, it's not bad.
Not bad at all.

How much of it is yours?

A healthy percentage, my
sweet, and don't you forget it.

Come on. I'll show you around.

Here we go.

Ready? Let's go.


Oh, Mr. West.

Oh, I do want to
thank you so much

for showing us across
country as you did.

We're very grateful to you.

Pretty fancy shindig, you know?

Bound to attract all of
the top brass around.

If I were an assassin,
Artie, this is where I'd be.

Yeah, well, all we gotta do
is watch out for Jeff Smith.

Can't be that easy.

If Smith is Enzo,
he may have been

in disguise when he
was with our party.

If there's one
thing I know, Jim,

it's putty noses and fake hair.

What we saw was the real thing.

Mr. West, Mr. Kingston.

A sad experience, our journey.

That's a fair
description, ma'am.

But now that it's in the past,

I want to say, it was very
nice traveling with you

and Mr. Kingston.

Goodbye, and bless you.

Drive on.

You know, that's a
wonderful woman.

I can see now why
the sun never sets

on the British Empire.

With her around,
it wouldn't dare.

Well, Artie, I can't
think of anything else

to do right now, so, um...

Right, I'll buy you a drink.

Two whiskeys, please.

Enzo, silver.

What, are you still mulling
over what Markham said?

Thank you.

Artie, the Enzo I
can understand.

What did he mean by "silver"?

I think he was just
trying to give us

a clue about Denver, that's all.

Cheers. Salud.

I mean, everything
in Denver is silver:

teeth fillings, baby rattles,
go-carts, umbrella handles.

You, whiskey.

Sir, you could
do me a big favor.

No, go away.

Uh, no, no, you
misunderstand, sir.

Actually, it's a very
small favor, really.

Mister, I come sashaying
off the buffalo flats

for two important reasons:

bullets for my rifle and
whiskey for the inner man.

Now, me and the inner
man don't take kindly

to socializing with strangers.

Now go away.

Sir, I think it's possible
that you may have

seen my friend before.

You don't hear so good, do you?

Hey, fella, my friend
was wearing that hat.

Now... what about my friend?

Thank you, Artie.


Now, as my friend was saying

before you so rudely
interrupted him,

this hat once belonged to
a man named Jeff Smith.

May I ask how you got it?

I found him stone dead
in the bushes on a...

On a wagon trail from St. Louis.

I see.

And you merely
relieved him of it,

is that it?

Honest, that's all I did.


Your witness.

Sir, you could do
me a great favor

by telling me how
Mr. Smith was killed.

Well, you might
not believe this,

but somebody gave
his neck a working-out

like you've never
seen in your life.

How did I do?

With your answer, quite well.

Not too good otherwise.


We can scratch Jeff Smith
as a possibility for Enzo.

Two days following
the wrong trail.

Not necessarily now, Jim.

I figure Smith had
to be in with Enzo.

Probably found out about
us and tried to defect.

Well, then Enzo had to kill him.


Now, who does that leave
as suspects? Bardhoom...



The man I consider to
be the best candidate for it,

Mr. Christopher Kohner.

The least I can do
is warn the governor

what he's up against.

Right, I think it's time

I got rid of Jonathan
Ashley Kingston too.

Oh? Who are you
gonna replace him with?

All I can tell you is
it will be someone

in a high position that can
be close to the governor.


Uh, where you heading, mister?

Oh, to see the governor.

You have an appointment?

No, I'm sorry. I don't.

Well, then, I'm sorry.
You can't see the governor.

Well, this isn't
of a social nature.

Here's my card.

Look, you got
your job. I got mine.

I was told nobody
sees the governor.

You can't see the
governor today.

All right, well, please
see that he gets the card.

It's important. Thank you.

Luther, you know
what to do with this.


Hey, look.

Why don't you just write
him a nice long letter?

Tell him all about it, huh?

Because that card was important.

Jim, how good to see you.

Leave it to you to sweet-talk
your way past the guards.

Come on in. Come on in.

Jim, I appreciate your concern.

Now that we've disposed
of that, I want you to join

a little party that I'm
having here tonight.

Governor, I know this
assassin is in Denver now.

Jim, you're asking
me to crawl into a hole

and pull the hole in after me.

I just can't do that.

There's some
mighty important eyes

focused on Denver
at this very minute,

and for the territorial governor
to go fishing instead of...

Instead of joining
in the ceremony

would be the most
damaging thing to the honor

of Colorado that I
could possibly do.

I'm not about to make
a mistake like that

and cause somebody...

Oh, you two have met, eh?

Come on in, colonel.

Colonel, this is James West,

who does all sorts of
odd, unpleasant things

as part of his job.

Jim, meet a most honored guest

of our government,
Colonel Dieboldt.

How do you do, colonel?

The colonel arrived
just this afternoon.

Would you like a drink, sir?

Thank you.

Your mysterious job almost
sounds like you might be a spy.

You'll never know, colonel.

As you see, the colonel
occupies the suite next door.

Oh, I see.


Si, signor?


Ah. Si, si.

Thank you.


Would you excuse me, colonel?

Jim, I've had enough
party. I'm going to bed.

Keep it going for me, will you?

Yes, sir. Uh, governor,

I'd like to talk to you
about the colonel.

Let's talk about it
tomorrow, shall we, Jim?

Yes, sir. Good night.

Night, sir.

Oh, waiter.

Si, si.

I'd like a brandy, please.


Artie, you keep an
eye on the governor.

I'm gonna be keeping
my eye on the colonel.

Something you know?

It's what I don't
know that bothers me.

See you later.

Mr. West, what's on your mind?

Colonel, you're a
long way from home.

What brought you to
Denver this afternoon?

A mission...

Mixed with joy and fear.

Tomorrow morning I return home
with my country's future queen,

our own beloved Princess Silva.

Did you just say "Silva"?

You seem surprised.

For the past three years,

she has lived and
studied here in Denver,

anonymously, safe from harm.

Now that she's of age, she
must succeed to the throne,

once again uniting us.

Where is she now, colonel?

Oh, you can trust me.

You were right about me.
I'm with the Secret Service.

At Miss Gentry's
school, off Bayard Road.

Mr. West,

should I be worried
about anything?

No, not at all, colonel.

Good evening.

Oh, bene, bene, bene. Grazie.


Man, what do you do?

That's a cherry
jubilee with melassa?

You're eyes aren't
deceiving you.

Cherries jubilee with molasses.

You have to be sick in the
head to eat something like that.

Sure, what kind of crazy people

is going to eat it like that?

It's a widow lady,
up in room 58.


Well, I think it's
crazy, that's all.

I like to see what
kind of people eat it.

Hey, let me take it up
there for you, all right?

Why, sure. Thank you.

Sure. She's crazy.


Adios, Mr. West.

That Princess Silva? Or
should I say, Your Grace?

Just Silva will do, but
I'm afraid I don't know you.

Oh, my name is James West.
I'm with the Secret Service.

I'm acting for Colonel Dieboldt.

He wants me to take you to him.

Oh, Mr. West, whatever
are you doing here?

Miss Tyler, what
are you doing here?

I? Well, I teach the
young ladies here.

Oh. How many young
ladies are here now?

Oh, just Silva.

The other girls have gone
on holiday for the weekend.

Where's the man?

You mean Mr. Bardhoom?

No, not Mr. Bardhoom.
Some other man.

Well, there's no one
else here, is there, Silva?


You've been the
Rock of Gibraltar

in the past, Miss Tyler.

I'd like to call on
you once more.

Yes, whatever would
you like, Mr. West?

I'd like you to take Silva
and leave here right now.

She's in, uh,
that kinda trouble.

Oh, come, child.

Where should I take her?

To the Silver Palace Hotel.
Ask for, uh, Colonel Dieboldt.

Now, Miss Tyler,

uh, heh, something
has just occurred to me.

Yes, Mr. West?

Yes, the masquerade
was running a little thin.

How did you know?

Something I should have noticed
in the first place, your hands.

They're far too big to
belong to any woman.

Yeah, aren't they?

Silva, I'll come
back to you later.



Come on.

Stay where you are.

Where's Enzo?

So you're Topaz.

Where is he?


He's quite dead.

Let me present our dear
friend Topaz to you, James.

We know her better as Dierdre.

Then the bruise marks were real.

He bruised her, but he, uh...

He didn't kill her.

Tsk, tsk.

And we gave you
such a nice funeral.

You know, it's not often
we have the opportunity

to toast such a
lovely young lady.

And with a fruit punch
of such noble vintage.

Thank you, gentlemen.

How is your arm, Mr. West?

Oh, it's well enough
to extend it for a toast.

Well, no thanks to Enzo.

I certainly hope
that El Bardhoom

spends a long, long
time behind bars.


To Princess,
soon-to-be-queen, Silva.

And to a pleasant voyage home.

And a long and happy rule.

Thank you, gentlemen.

My countrymen shall
hear of your courage,

but now I must leave.

Oh, you haven't had dessert.

Colonel Dieboldt is waiting
for me back at the hotel.

You know how he worries.
We leave in less than an hour.

I'm terribly sorry.

Goodbye, Your Highness.


Come on.

Our driver will get you
back in plenty of time.

I-I find myself a little
sad leaving Denver now.

Well, you'll be so busy soon,
you won't even remember Denver.

Yes, I suppose that is true.

Goodbye, Your Highness.

Mr. West...


and thank you.

Thank you.


That's tonight's dessert.

I had it all ready to go.

Vanilla ice cream.


Just the right amount of brandy.

And the crowning glory,


Cherries jubilee with molasses?


That's the first time I ever
heard of that concoction.

I only knew one person
in my life who ever ate it.

That was Dierdre.

Found out about it on the trail.

The minute I saw that
ordered at the hotel,

I knew it had to be for Dierdre.



Well, Artie, how is it?


I raised you, Artie.

I know.

Doing pretty good
tonight, aren't you?

Well, it's still early.

It's getting later all the time.


Artie, it's your bet.

All right,

I'm in.


Two of the best.

Two cards.

Can I take five?

That's very funny.

You raise me three
times. You want five cards?

Well, I guess I'll have to
play with these, then, huh?

I'm beginning to
think that I'm the one

who should have had
that talk with Jeff Smith.

Artie, everything I
learned about cards

I learned at my daddy's knee.

What was he, a
riverboat gambler?



Artie, really.

Artie, it's your bet.


it's gonna cost you.

I'll see that and have
to kick it up a little.