The Wild Wild West (1965–1969): Season 2, Episode 22 - The Night of the Deadly Bubble - full transcript

Investigating a series of mysterious tidal waves, West and Gordon find a fanatical marine environmentalist.

Professor McClennon...

my name is James West.

And this is Artemus Gordon.

You took enough
time getting here.

Sorry, sir.

There was a small matter
of washed-out railroad tracks

and coastal roads, as a
result of the tidal wave.

Do you like puzzles?

Tsk. I can take
'em or leave 'em.

And, professor, your note said

that this was a matter
of national security.

Listen to a few facts.

In California...

San Juan, Monterey
and Mendocino.

In Oregon,

Coos Bay and Astoria.

In Washington, Aberdeen
and Port Angeles.


at separate times, overrun

by tidal waves in
the past 36 hours.

Puzzle... why?

Just mean old stepmother
nature on a rampage.

A disgusting expression.

Gentlemen... the
reasons for tidal waves

are not obscure.

They're the result

of a major shift in
the Earth's crust.

Like an earthquake
or a volcano...

both of which can be
absolutely ruled out

in the present case.

Oh, what is the
reason then, sir?

Who are you?

Professor McClennon?

What do you want?

Message for you, sir...

from Dr. Pringle.

Dr. Pringle is my
associate, gentlemen.

Excuse me.

Well, whoever did this...

And I'd sure admire to meet up

with him someday

is an excellent shot.

"See you. Urgent matter.

"Meet me at the
Cantina del Pescado.

Dr. Pringle."

Any answer?

That's what we came
here for, answers.

I don't think we'll be getting
any from this gentleman.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

I seem to have
gotten in your way.

Qué quieres?

A tequila, por favor.

I'm looking for a Dr. Pringle.

Ah, snake eyes, señor.



you had yourself a gay old time

at the cantina, I see.

The time didn't exactly
weigh heavy on my hands.

Oh, that's nice.

Did you find Dr. Pringle?


Never showed.

I did meet some interesting
cutthroats, though.

How was your
session with the police?

Very satisfactory.

There will be a private
inquest as per my request.

You know, it's hard to believe

that the local constable
was ready to throw away

this spent bullet.

Near as I can make out...

it's from a Stinger Magnum.

I'll know better once
I get a good look at it

under the microscope.

Good. If you'll
take care of that

and telegraph our
report to Washington.

I'll go to the Hotel Aztec...

and check out
Dr. McClennon's room.

Artie, did you hear me?


Every word.

Goodbye, Artie.


Professor McClennon?
Ah, sí, señor.

Room number seven

on the second floor.

But, ha, I will be very
happy to... To announce you.

No, that won't be
necessary, you see,

because we're the
closest of friends.

Oh, señor, but the
rules are the rules.

I see. But why tire
yourself climbing the stairs?

Pues sí, señor.

Heh. Why not?

Drop your gun...

or I'll shoot.

Uh, may I put it away?

Loaded guns have
a way of going off

when they're dropped.

Now you will raise your
hands into the air and back up.

Hands raised, and I'm...

backing up.

And now, who are you?

I'm just a poor, but
proud country boy

who came to the city
to make his fortune.

You think I won't shoot.

I know you won't.

You see, you can't.

Safety's still on.

You have to remove the safety

before you can pull the trigger.

Who are you?

James West.

And you?

Dr. Pringle,

Abigail J.

I was the one that
wrote your department

at Professor
McClennon's direction.

You're, uh, A.J. Pringle?

But, uh, that's all wrong.


Uh, Dr. Pringle should
be a short, overweight,

balding middle-aged professor

with a little gray mustache.

You're quite beautiful.

That's enough, Mr. West.

I've heard about you.

The man with the velvet charm.

But don't let my
sex mislead you.

I'm a scientist first,
last and always.

Is that understood?


If it isn't too
indelicate a question,

what are you doing in
Professor McClennon's room?

Professor McClennon
left me standing orders

that if he should be gone
for more than 12 hours,

I was to take certain papers

into my custody till his return.

But he's been gone
longer than 12 hours,

and I can't find those papers.

They were special data reports,

and I've looked everywhere.

Oh, we're probably too late.

Too late?

You mean, somebody
came here and stole them?

Mm-hm. But who
would have done that?

Uh, probably the same...

person that...

Go on, Mr. West.

Uh, Abigail, I...

Mr. West...

I'm prepared to believe
you enjoy some success

in charming a
certain type of woman.

But your charm is lost on me.

So you'll kindly keep

your manly arms to yourself.

I'm sorry, doctor.

I just wanted to tell you that
Professor McClennon's dead.

He's been murdered.

Oh, no.

Professor McClennon
was about to reveal

something to do
with national security

before he was, uh, murdered.

Something to do
with tidal waves.

Do you have any
idea what it was?

He never told me.

I knew it was of great
importance, though.

I'd settle for any kind of clue.

You'll both raise your arms.

Ever so slowly.

And now... if you please...

you will each in turn, explain

what you are doing

in Dr. McClennon's
room at this hour,

and why you are ransacking it.

I'm James West,
and this is Dr. Pringle.

Dr. Pringle?

Not Professor
McClennon's associate?

The same.

Now would you mind pointing
that fieldpiece elsewhere?


I... apologize, doctor.

Uh, my name is, uh, Philo.

Captain Horatio Philo.

Are you also associated

with the professor, Mr. West?

Well, we corresponded
while he was alive.

He's dead?



Oh, it was rather sudden.

Oh, I'm shocked...

Deeply shocked.

I never met
Dr. McClennon, but...

I was a great admirer of his.

Matter of fact,

I came here to ask
him to honor me

by dining at my
place tomorrow night.

Hmm. Shame.

I understand he
was a... A fine man

and... certainly a
distinguished scientist.


Well, it won't be a
festive occasion...

but, uh...

why don't you dine with me
tomorrow night, both of you?

Oh, we'd be delighted.


My place is the Crow's
Nest. It's up on the headland.

Anyone can direct you there.

Well... till next we meet.

By what right

do you speak for me?

I need more time with him.

Ten thirty at night
is a rather odd time,

to be issuing dinner invitations

to Professor McClennon.

Oh, you will come tomorrow.

It might prove to be
a unique experience.

And just so it all
isn't a total waste...

Well, I've run all
the tests I know.

They seem to be identical twins.

Both bullets fired
out of the same gun.

I know that gun.

And the man that fired
one of those bullets.

But how does Philo

figure into the
McClennon puzzle?

Let's not kid ourselves, Jim.

The professor was
the foremost authority

in his field.

He'd researched
this thing thoroughly.

What he was
leading up to was this:

that someone... a human...

was responsible

for this whole
series of tidal waves,

actually causing.

Which could be
just the beginning...

of a lot worse yet to come.


"Horatio Manning Philo

"inherited the
Philo coal fortune.

"Expert on ecological,

"and physical aspects of
the marine environment.

"Heads and supports

"aimed at the preservation...

of sea life."

Artie. Hmm?

I didn't know anyone was trying

to destroy it, did you?

Oh, well, I...

go fishing from time to time.

Ah, just as long as
you don't mention that

to our host tonight.

Listen, I hope the
good captain won't mind

my dragging along like this.

No, if you don't tell any
of your after-dinner jokes.

The rest is in the
lap of the gods.

There's one thing we can
be reasonably certain of.

Mm-mm. And what's that?

I bet they don't
serve fish tonight.

May I venture to hope...

that you all enjoyed
my humble fare?

Heh. It was, uh, most unusual.

I can honestly say
I'll never forget it.

And you, Mr. Gordon?

Well, I never dreamed that

kelp could be served

in so many, eh, different

and interesting ways.

Mm-hm. The brandy's superb.

You all hated my
dinner, didn't you?

Oh, no, no, no, no, captain.

It's just that we landlubbers
aren't really ready

for the seaweed age.

That's all.

Don't patronize me, Mr. Gordon!

I'm not a
feeble-minded eccentric.

Ha. "Manna from heaven."

Really. How outmoded that is.

It should be "kelp
from the depths."

"Kelp... richer in food
value and more life-giving

than all the other foods
that men grub the earth for."

And an inexhaustible
supply, to boot...

from the vast
reservoir of the oceans.


perhaps I can make
up for the shortcomings

of the dinner...

with a little more brandy.

Thank you.

I'd like to, uh, propose
a toast, if I may.

Oh. By all means, Mr. West.

To one of the chosen few

the world will miss,

Professor McClennon.

Excellent toast, Mr. West.

And to that wonderful moment

when we...

close in on his murderer.

Even better, Mr. Gordon.

And now I'd like
to propose a toast.

To the very important work

in which Professor
McClennon was engaged,

before he was murdered.

Here, here.

By the way... what was the work?

I thought you
were aware of that.

It had something to
do with tidal waves.

I understand he
developed a revolutionary

new theory about their cause.

Especially the current
series of disturbances.


Pity all that had
to be interrupted.

But, of course, uh...

he left copious
records of his research?

He left something
even better than that.

Really? What was that, doctor?


Professor filled me
in on all his findings

every inch of the way...

And they're all up here.

Oh, I'm feeling much better now.

Oh. Just let me

sit down for a minute.

Dr. Pringle, you're
going to have

to answer our questions now.

Dr. Pringle...

did Professor
McClennon fill you in

on all of his tidal
wave research?

Then why did you tell

Captain Philo he did?


Well, I decided to
shake him up a little.

If Philo is behind
this, Artie...

She's made herself a
prime target with that.

You'd better keep
a 24-hour watch

on the good doctor here.


I'll carry her up to her room

and have the
maid put her to bed.

Where are you headed?

I'm going back
to the Crow's Nest

to do a little high-level,

unsupervised snooping.

You can come in now, Mr. Gordon.

Oh, thank you, miss.

I think I can
handle it from here.

Nothing too much to handle.

You won't hear a peep
from her till morning.

Night. Good night.

Mr. Gordon! Come here, quick!

What is it, Pepe?

Well... what do you think of it?

It's something out of Dante.

Listen to the hum of the
mighty workings, Mr. West.


That isn't just a dynamo.

No. It's a great
pulsating heart.

And these...

These aren't just
compressors, not at all.

They are mighty lungs,

purifying, extracting,


What's all this for?

For salvation, Mr. West.

Yours, of course.


The salvation I'm concerned with

transcends my own importance...

your ridiculous little Secret
Service Department...

even the smug,
self-satisfied world of science.

Let me show you.

Here we are in the womb
of an extinct volcano...

and this... is my window

onto the most
important of worlds...

the sea.

The salvation you
seek is for the sea?

And why not? After
all, life began there.

It reached its most
significant development there.

To what on Earth or in the air

can match the ineffable grace

of the shark...

or the ray or the bonito.

Or the gossamer-jeweled

of the sea anemone...

with its colors
that fade a rainbow

into insignificance?

And this, if you please,

is what man is
trying to destroy.

It's very difficult for a
non-scientist to swallow.

Mr. West...

do you know to what extent man

has already polluted the sea?

Do you know his ambitious
plans to transform it all

into a vast garbage
depot, a wasteland of swill,

corrosive chemicals
and factory dumpings?

Butchering our whales and seals

for his own base creature
comforts and petty vanities.

On and on and on
till my beloved sea

becomes nothing but
a putrefying graveyard?

And your answer
to this is tidal waves?


There's a rude justice
there, wouldn't you say?

Man is spoiling the sea...

until the sea rises...

in its awful majesty...

and destroys him.

This is for the girl.

Well, with a little something

taken out for losing West.

But the captain says you
can make it up to him...

by finding West's partner,

Artemus Gordon.

An impressive array of
machinery you'll agree.

Can you guess, Mr. West,
what it's all intended for?

I'm sure it wasn't designed

to pull saltwater taffy.

Take your hands off me.

No rash moves, Mr. West.

You'll find Dr. Pringle in...

perfect condition.

My apologies, doctor.

I am honored... to
have a colleague

of such intelligence
as well as beauty...

in my rather novel,

but I can assure
you, very comfortable


I'm not your
colleague, captain...

nor do I intend to
be comfortable here.


Let me tell you

that your precious
colleagues at one time

denied me the very
laboratories and funds

which brought
all this to fruition.

And tonight,

the very principles
they scoffed at...

will bring about
their inundation.


with all your academic wisdom...

can you tell me
what this machine is?

Why, it, uh...

It looks like some
kind of compressor.

Correct, doctor.

And... to put it into a jargon

that Mr. West can understand...

the real purpose of it all


simply blowing bubbles.

You think I'm joking?

Come. I'll show you.

Now... accept, if you will,

that the seabed has
numerous pockets

hundreds of feet
below the surface.


What if one were to fill

those pockets with air

under greater and
greater pressure

until fin...

We've just witnessed

one of the mysterious
tidal waves, I take it?

One of the smaller
ones, obviously.

Do you know that all the
major coastal cities of the world

are practically at sea level?

Think what a
delightful devastation

that ripple would cause
if it were magnified

a million times.

And by the oddest coincidence,

you happen to be working

on one of those at this time.

Oh, yes, Mr. West.

At this very moment, I
have high-pressure pipelines

running to a pocket

big enough to
swallow up a small city.

At this very moment,
my compressors

are pouring air into it,

compressing it to
higher and higher levels.

When the lid of that
pocket finally gives wa...

And what does that
tube represent then?

Can you guess, Mr. West?


An experimental
pneumatic delivery tube.

It goes right through the
volcano wall into the water,

all the way up.

What merchandise are you aiming

to transport in it, captain?

Canisters of poison, for one.

Poison for the atmosphere.

Poison that would
be washed ashore,

spread inland.

An ingenious way of paying back

the polluters of the sea...

in their own coin.

At the risk of
sounding critical,

it strikes me your
plan is not salvation...

so much as revenge.


Well... now your curiosity's
been satisfied on all counts.

There is no reason
why you should not die

happy and fulfilled.

Sorry to interrupt you.

You better tell your
boys to drop their guns.

I'll see you rot first. Ugh.

I'd change my mind,
captain, if I were you.

Do as he says. Drop them.

Now kick 'em over here.

Now, captain, if
you and the boys

will stay on your best behavior.

Pull the switch on the wall.

Hold it.

All right, Mr. West.

Enough heroics.

Thank you, friend. Or
is this a private club?

I sincerely hope

you will both be
comfortable here.

Yeah, I think you will
find the furnishings

in excellent taste.

That steam pipe, for example.

Oh, good.

Then we won't get cold.

Oh-ho, I can promise you that.

That pipe serves
as a safety valve

for excessive steam
from the compressors.

The heat is enormous.


I won't bore you with
any more dull details.

With this heat,

we can only last about
five more minutes.

Stay here.

They're too damp!

Five minutes, I
believe you said.

Give or take an eternity or two.

We can expect a
visitor any time now.

Check the bracing.

Yes, captain.


Fifteen thousand
units plus, captain.

Temperature holding?

Temperature holding, sir.

Let me know
immediately if it drops.

A bit late, aren't you, Felix?

Come here.

Why the devil do you keep up

that hobbling masquerade

when you're down here?

Oh, sorry, captain.
Force of habit.

Sixteen thousand units.

Temperature holding, sir.

Round up all the men
and bring them here.

In less than 30 minutes,
we'll blow up the ocean floor.

The whole coastline will
be under 10 feet of seawater.

Hey. That's the stuff to give

to the troops, captain.


What did you do about Gordon?

Couldn't find hide nor
hair of West, though.

You'll find what's
left of his hide

in the steam-condensing cave.

Get going.

Aye, captain.


I'll take over.
Captain's orders.

Wait a minute.

Give me the gun.

That's very good, but it's me.



In exactly 30 minutes,

that madman is gonna drown

the entire West Coast.

I know he's making his
own special tidal wave for it.

There was a
compressor back there

that looked like it
could be causing

most of the damage.

Get Abby out of here

and warn as many
people as you can.

Right. What about you?

I'm gonna try and stop him.

Good luck, Artie.

Listen, I better go with you.

I thought of it first.

You've only got 27
minutes to warn the town.

All right.

Go topside and
check the grounds.


It seems quite accurate.

Captain, the
pressure's dropping.

What the devil's going on?

Having a little
trouble, captain?


Don't be an idiot!

I know you've reversed
the compressors.

You'll blow up the whole works.

You wouldn't try and fool
me, would you, captain?

I tell you the apparatus wasn't
designed to work that way.

You'll bring the walls
down on your head.

Don't be a fool.

You're frightening
your men, captain.

You think that's a good idea?

Get back to your posts.

Get back! You hear?

Captain, I think the
rats are leaving the ship.

You think so?

You think I'd let them get away?


I hope there's another
way out of here.

That was the only
way out, Mr. West.

To you two gentlemen.

Inventive, brilliant...


We'll drink to that...

because it's true.

And now I must be going.

What about tonight?

Oh, I'm afraid not, Jim.

You see, certain events
in the last few days

have reminded me
of the essential...

Shall we call them advantages

of simply being a woman.

Especially when
there are handsome,

desirable men around.

Thank you for that, Jim.

I've come to realize
I can be a scientist

and wear a wedding
ring at the same time.

Oh, are you getting married?

Well, don't most girls?

I've already kept my fellow

waiting much too long a time,

so I'm going back to
Boston and get married.

Goodbye, Jim.


Goodbye, Artemus.

Oh, you don't meet
many like that these days.


You sure don't, Jim.

That's a lovely la...

She forgot her
glasses. I'd better...

Artie. Forget it.

Uh, take a good look at them.

They're glass.

They're just
ordinary, plain glass.

You knew that all
along, didn't you?

Well, that's how she
kept the fellas away.

Well, she doesn't
need these anymore.


You look beautiful.