The Who Was? Show (2018): Season 1, Episode 10 - Genghis Khan & George Washington Carver - full transcript

♪ It's birthday time
It's birthday time for me, me, me ♪

Hello, guys who were not born today,
unlike me, who was. Don't hug me,

I pinned this button to my skin.

-Happy birthday. We didn't forget.
-How did you guys know?

You must've remembered
I share a birthday with Spider-Man.

-He's not real.
-Peter Parker, then.

What's the difference?
Feature him on my birthday episode.

-We're featuring Genghis Khan.
-Oh. I love him.

Others may not know who that is, explain.

Conqueror who united Asia into one empire.

Also George Washington Carver,
who made peanuts famous.



I just noticed something:

Both of their first names start with G,
and their last names

start with that "ca" sound.
You can use that.

Whoa, pudding.

♪ They were more than
Just some famous names ♪

♪ They were brilliant, brave
A bit insane ♪

♪ And against all odds
They changed the game ♪

♪ What was going on inside their brains? ♪

♪ These are not your average Joes ♪

♪ They did stuff the whole world knows ♪

♪ They're the superstars
Of The Who Was Show ♪

♪ This is The Who Was Show ♪

♪ This is The Who Was Show ♪

Who was Genghis Khan?



Me, that's who. Ruler of the Mongols,
founder of history's largest land empire.

Interrupter of narrators. Genghis Khan,
born Temujin, was born in Mongolia.

Life on the Mongolian plains was harsh,
populated with warring nomadic tribes.

-I had to eat mice.
-Genghis changed that.

During the next 60 years,
he organized an army

to unite the tribes
into an advanced society.

A society with a postal service,
which you need a written language for.

Which I also introduced. Genghis.

-Genghis.
-Oh, boy.

Who was George Washington Carver?
Born into slavery in Missouri,

George grew up when the U.S.
was having a brutal civil war

-that led to the freeing of slaves.
-I was one of those. It wasn't easy.

George was dedicated
to becoming a botanist.

He worked hard and
became a professor.

-He is known for his work with peanuts.
-Peanuts, good for soil,

-good for you, and delicious. Want one?
-No. I'm just a voice.

More for me.

I'm Borte. I live in a tent called a ger.

People say I'm just your average
Mongolian wife, but I am more.

Real Gerwives
of the Mongolian Steppe.

Another raid?

I was hoping to spend the day together.

Honey, I'll rule an empire,
and we'll get more time together.

Like every other
Mongolian couple,

We were set up at 9, married at 16.
Talk about a long engagement.

Borte's tough as sheep knuckles.
I wonder if she'll unite Asia.

Begter's coming. Shows like this
always have an argument over dinner.

-He's always inviting himself over.
-He's the oldest male.

According to tradition, he's in charge.
Do something about it, or bring more fish.

She's right, I should do something
about it and soon.

I can tell you, it's going to be
more than bringing home fish.

So, Begter. Enjoying your fish?

Oh. Yeah. I could go for some mice.
I'll take this for now. Ha.

Begter,
I am having a problem with my horse.

- Could you look at it?
- No problem, Temu-jerk.

Is he about to shoot his brother?

I just shot my brother. We got to go.

I don't wanna say I'm happy you did that,
but I ain't mad.

Real Gerwives
of the Mongolian Steppe.

In 1874, George Washington Carver
was a boy with a passion for plants.

His brain became so full of botanical
knowledge that he became a superhero.

Green Thumb, I need you.

♪ The Green Thumb ♪

What am I doing wrong with these roses?
They aren't thriving like my neighbors'.

♪ The Green Thumb ♪

Too much shade.

This soil's too dry.

Shouldn't be here.

They'll like this.

♪ The Green Thumb ♪

Amazing, I don't know how you did it.

This was a simple task
for The Green Thumb.

Have you seen George Carver?

Well, I'm-- . He's probably
studying to get into college.

I never see the two of you
at the same time.

Inexplicable.

I've gotta go. Daffodils in distress.

♪ The Green Thumb ♪

Ha, ha. Genghis, what do you call a--? Oh.
Sorry, I didn't know you had friends over.

Sweet, we have a substitute.

Hey, your regular teacher, Ms. DaVinci's
sick, so, I'll be taking over.

And we're just gonna watch a video.

Awesome.

So, uh, I'll show you a cartoon
I've been working on.

I'm pitching it to be a motion picture.

I put together the trailer,

it's pretty rad,
and you could give me feedback.

-Sounds cute.
-Yeah, "cute."

Let me tell you a story
about a boy with a rhyming horse.

I call him Lil' Genghis.

Aw, this looks adorable.

Look at the horse.

He grew up
with a thirst for blood

and a need for order only he could keep.

I watched it fly, I watched it die.
My, Genghis, you are quite a guy.

It's the story of the largest conquest
of land and humanity

the world has ever known.

Hacking a bloody path through human flesh
across a continent,

Genghis and his horde
took Mongolia.

If you're taller than a wagon wheel,
prepare to be shorter.

You mean humans, right?
Or this horse is gonna bleed tonight.

Using techniques
that would shock the devil,

Genghis set off to conquer all of China.

Burn crops. Starve children.

Their march continued towards
the Middle East.

Let them go!
Kidding. Pour metal in their eyes.

Ooh-wee, Mr. G, those folks will soon find
molten metal makes them go blind.

Genghis got so far
as to be knocking on Europe's door.

Catapult the diseased bodies.

-Spread the plague.
-Neigh, neigh, quite a day, I say.

Burning his way through millions of miles,
the story of Lil' Genghis will terrify,

culminating in a musical number
you won't forget, even if you try.

♪ Killed 40 million people
I did ♪

♪ So many people start as a kid ♪

-♪ If you saw me coming, you'd be dead ♪
-♪ No kidding, he'd chop off your head ♪

No one has agreed yet,

but hopefully featuring voice talents
of Jack Black,

Justin Bieber...

Ooh.

Katy Perry,

-No!
-and Daniel Radcliffe

as victim number 113,012.

Passport to Hell.

Based on real things
that another real human actually did.

This movie's not yet rated.

Huh? What did you think? Awesome?

I could get Jack Black.
My cousin works at a car wash he goes to.

-We'll just give him the script.
-I miss Ms. DaVinci.

It's George Washington Carver.

My advice to youth
is improve people's lives.

But don't do that with peanuts.
That's my thing.

I know it's my birthday, but don't throw
me a surprise party, I'll get mad.

And when you don't throw me a party,
don't make sure to get cupcakes.

They should spell out "We Love You, Ron."
No, wait. Don't get any.

- Don't worry, we'll have cupcakes.
- No, don't. Wink.

-Did you mean to say "wink" or to wink?
-Which one did I do? Hey, what happened?

Oh. I replaced that snack table
with my agricultural wagon.

-In what world are these snacks?
-George Washington Carver's,

-where people have health and equality.
-A scientist should do cool things

like inventing a machine
that eats vegetables.

Science is about improving lives.
Nothing affects us more than what we eat.

So, dig in.

No. Saving room for my birthday party,
which is not happening.

-Wink, wink, wink.
-Ron, none of those were winks.

Yeah, sure they weren't, wink.

It's Genghis Khan.

People ask,
"Why do you kill so many people?"

And then I kill them.
No more questions after.

-Good evening.
-You came to see me.

The world doesn't know you.
I'm Frank, I make people famous.

I can make an egg the most popular guy
on the planet.

Let people know what I did with peanuts.
I didn't invent peanut butter, Incas did.

Gotcha, done. What else you got
with your, uh, illustrious career?

I lived in Kansas, had a laundry business,
washing and drying people's clothes.

Sir?

Okay, Pixar's not lining up
for the movie rights.

-What else?
-I wrote this in 1916.

Aha! That's great,
but that is absolutely terrible.

Okay, this is part
of your problem.

"How To Grow the Peanut and 105 Ways
of Preparing It for Human Consumption."

Yeah? That's not a title.

That's a nap in a hammock
with iced tea.

New title, Eat Nuts. Boom!
Ship it, send it, you're rich.

You're good.

-I think.
-What's in the book?

Top 10, what you got?

-Bread.
-No.

-Pudding.
-Boring.

-Soup.
-Fake news.

-Peanut milk.
-Hate. Wait. What?

-Peanut milk?
-No, before that.

-Peanut soup.
-Peanut soup.

Boom, peanut soup.

Hey, Lou.

Lou. Oh, my God, Lou.
What am I paying you for?

Give me a number about peanut soup.
A-one, 2, 3, 4.

♪ Peanut soup
Can't get enough of that peanut soup ♪

-Oh! It writes itself.
-Everybody'll be singing that.

We gotta get a Gaga or a Ringo

or, eh, an Uggams to record it,
and you're no longer Mr. Peanut Butter.

You are just Mr. Peanut.

♪ Peanut soup
Can't get enough of that peanut soup ♪

Oh!

♪ Peanut soup
I can't get enough of peanut soup ♪

-I love that jingle.
-It's a great song.

Genghis and Jamukha
were best friends,

but one day, Jamukha betrayed him
and they became enemies.

The only way to settle it
was to battle, or...

Clan Clash.

Hey, welcome to Clan Clash.
I'm your host, Ozzie.

Clashing tonight, the Genghis family
and the Jamukhas.

-Jamukha. Jamukha.
-That's me.

All right. Who's ready to play the Clash?
Give me Genghis, give me Jamukha.

Okay, earlier this year, which is 1203,
we asked 100 Mongols

how you went from blood brothers
to enemies. What did they say?

-Uh, he made me sleep next to the river.
-"Slept near river"?

Well, he ditched my tribe.

Yeah?
At least I never beheaded anyone

and boiled them
because they liked you more.

Stop. This isn't how this is played.
Let's get it over with. Uh, Jamukha.

Genghis hated me
because I was more handsome.

Let's see,
"Jealous of good looks."

Oh, I'm sorry. You're still ugly.

Okay, Genghis, for the win,
how did you go from brothers to enemies?

Uh...

Because...

Get him!

Oh, no.

Oh, God.

Oh, my gosh.
That's all. See you next week.

Clan Clash.

- Carver.
- Ah, Genghis.

You thought up 105 uses for a peanut.
I have one, too.

You made a sword
or an ax out of peanuts?

No, I made this. I call him Buster.

I made one for you.

-How do those kill?
-That's all you think of me?

You did kill 40 million people.

Oh. I'll give this peanut puppet
to a real friend.

Genghis, Genghis.

Was it something I said?

United States Congress, 1921.

The Congress will come to order.

We have George Washington Carver,

to tell us about the importance of--
Ooh, boy. Peanuts.

-Boring.
-I know, right?

Ten minutes.

-Carver, you have ten minutes.
-Thank you.

I'm here to introduce you
to the multi-faceted peanut.

-You don't look like a 1921 professor.
-It's surprising to see a black professor.

They wouldn't let me in
as a student, but I persevered.

Know what else would persevere?
The common peanut.

-Ah. Impressive.
-Consider this guy. Not much to look at.

Yet packed inside his humble shell
are 105 different uses.

-All in that nut?
-Actually, it's a legume.

- Whoa.
- I'm talking about peanut bread,

peanut milk, peanut fudge...

-I'd go on, but I have ten minutes.
-Keep going.

We have a pretty busy schedule.

-Scratch it.
-Can we change that?

Okay, ten more minutes.

Peanut omelets, peanut ice cream,
macaroni and cheese and peanuts...

- Pudding...
- Five hours later.

What about paper, plastic
and gasoline made of peanuts?

Yes, yes and yes.

I bet you can't make
baby massage oil out of peanuts.

In family or sample size?

Bathing suit?

-Yeah.
-Professor Carver, before you showed up,

I didn't think twice about peanuts.
Now I always do.

Congressman, welcome to my world.

Peanuts, peanuts, peanuts.

Peanuts, peanuts, peanuts.

Peanuts, peanuts, peanuts.

- Ron's coming. Get ready.
- It's time for my party.

No, it's time to discuss the episode.
I am opening the door.

Surprise!

Oh, guys, you should have.

Hmm. Oh.

-Oh. It's the only one we could find.
-I am a boy!

- Look at this spread.
- Inspired by George Washington Carver.

- Yup, every snack is made of peanuts.
- I don't believe it. Well...

Mm.

Oh, I mean,
that's great, right? Mm.

I believe it now.

This is how peanuts taste?
I never tasted them.

- Are you allergic to peanuts?
- I don't think so.

- Is it fun that it's hard to breathe?
- No!

I can help. Nut or dairy allergies,

gluten allergies, 10 years and counting.
Epinephrine to the rescue.

-Kids, don't try this.
-Don't try what--?

Ow.

Peanut soup.

Zach, Zach, Zach.

Zach, Zach. Zach.

-Zach, Zach...
-It was a good party, right? Ah.

♪ Peanut soup ♪

♪ Peanut soup ♪

♪ I can't get enough of that ♪

-♪ Peanut soup ♪
-♪ Peanut soup ♪

♪ Peanut soup ♪

♪ Can't get enough of that peanut soup ♪

♪ Peanut soup ♪

Camels!

Camels!

Camels!

What'd you think of the show?

I was impressed by almost
every department. Cast, 10 out of 10.

The Production crew was so helpful.

Wardrobe, Special Effects,
Makeup, all were wonderful.

- Sounds like a great experience.
- The snack room.

No omelet bar.
I don't wanna say this,

but a professional TV production
needs an omelet bar.

People come in early and work late.
They need the energy.

They need the warmth and comfort provided
by a steaming-hot, freshly-made omelet.

It's a way of saying thank you
for the hard work, with omelets.

- How did you like the show?
- Best show I've been on.

Also the only show I've been on.
Still, I liked it.

- Favorite part?
- I think you can guess.

♪ Peanut soup, peanut soup ♪

♪ Can't get enough of that peanut soup ♪

♪ Peanut soup ♪