The Who Was? Show (2018): Season 1, Episode 1 - Gandhi & Benjamin Franklin - full transcript

[narrator reading on-screen text]

[chattering]

Looking good, history people. This is big.

The premiere episode of
The Who Was Show. Who's our first guest?

It's up to me, I'm the big cheese.
I make decisions.

-I like what I hear, Mr. Gold-Tube-Blower.
-I'm Louis Armstrong, this is a trumpet.

I was about to say that.
Dumbledore, don't cast a spell.

Charles Darwin. Dumbledore isn't real.

Sounds exactly like something
Dumbledore would say, Dumbledore.

Right, let's do this.

Who has facts about Benjamin Franklin
and Mahatma Gandhi?



They freed their countries from Britain,
but Gandhi did it with peaceful protest.

Benjamin Franklin did it
with the Revolutionary War.

-Uh... Both bald.
-Yeah.

-Hey, sir.
-Yep?

Guess who I am.
Hold this, Mother Teresa.

[shouting]

Wow, whoever you are, you are definitely
the star of our episode.

I'm Bruce Lee.

I'll never forget that name.

Wow.

Hey. Big day. It is the first episode
of The Who Was Show.

Do you smell that?
That smells like history being made.

That's Adam's feet.

Know how this works?
Each episode features two people



from history and have fun.

Yeah, that's why
we're doing the meeting.

There is a guy
by the name of Brucie who can break

-a board with his hands.
-You mean Bruce Lee?

-That's what I said.
-We're having Benjamin Franklin

and Mahatma Gandhi in this episode.

-Who chose them?
-You... did?

-Right? Right?
-Yes.

-Ron.
-Yeah.

-We talked about it yesterday.
-Really? Good. Listen.

-Don't change.
-If you say so.

[Ron] Thank you.

Oh, cookies.

♪ They were more than
Just some famous names ♪

♪ They were brilliant, brave
A bit insane ♪

♪ And against all odds
They changed the game ♪

♪ What was going on inside their brains? ♪

♪ These are not your average Joes ♪

♪ They did stuff the whole world knows ♪

♪ They're the superstars
Of The Who Was Show ♪

♪ This is The Who Was Show ♪

♪ This is The Who Was Show ♪

[narrator] Who was Gandhi?

A leader
of the Indian independence movement,

he was instrumental in freeing
his home country from British rule.

I did it without violence,
through acts like hunger strikes.

[narrator] He became a global spiritual
icon and influenced civil rights leaders.

Also, I make my own clothes.

Yes.

[narrator] Who was Benjamin Franklin?

A man of many talents, he helped draft
America's Declaration of Independence

during the Revolutionary War
and made contributions to science.

I did it all.
Inventing, writing, diplomacy.

Franklin was committed
to bettering the lives of his countrymen

by establishing a post office
and library system.

-And the biggie.
-The biggie?

-Electricity. The kite and the key?
-We'll get to that later.

Philadelphia, 1776.
The Second Continental Congress voted

to declare American independence
from Great Britain.

Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin,

thank you for writing
the Declaration of Independence.

Our pleasure, John Hancock.

Whoa. Whoa, whoa.

-What?
-I wrote that, Ben.

That's not how I remember it.
We wrote it in three days.

I had 17 days to write it,
and then it was debated for three days.

Exactly, you and I
wrote it together in three days.

We grab them with a joke?

"What do you call a talking worm?
King George III."

And, boom, "But seriously,
when in the course of--"

Okay, um, how does a cultured
Southern gentleman

say this in a way
a Northern city boy can understand?

-Hmm, let me think-- I've got it.
-What? Apple dumpling.

How about we compare
the fire of independence

to the heat you get with a Franklin stove?

-We're not fighting a war to sell stoves.
-Gave it a shot.

You're not the only one who invented
things, I invented the portable desk.

-Lightning rod.
-Clothes rack.

-Reaching arm.
-Swivel chair.

-Swivel this.
-Ah!

Here, "We hold these truths
to be sacred and undeniable,"

what if instead of that, we put, uh,
"To be self-evident"?

[shouts]

-That works.
-Oh, yeah, that was me.

I wrote that. I came up with that.
Excuse me.

[shouts]

So, Benjamin Franklin saved the day.
You're welcome.

What? You changed one word.

History will recognize me
as the true author.

-Sure.
-You'll see.

[announcer] Welcome to the first annual
Declare-y Awards.

The Declare-y Award for Most
Independent Declaration goes to...

Thomas Jefferson...
and Benjamin Franklin.

That's what I thought. I don't need this.

Oh, wow. America, we liberated you.
There's people to thank,

who I couldn't write this without.
King George III. Kidding.

My kids, Sally and William,
I love you, go to bed. Thank you.

-Wanna say something? Nope.
-Yes--

And I would also like to thank--

-[orchestra playing]
-Oh, seriously? He wrote, like, one word.

[announcer] This has been
the first annual Declare-y Awards.

♪ [singing] To keep a mind sharp
And a body strong ♪

♪ For a life that's healthy
Wealthy and long ♪

♪ Exercise is what you need ♪

♪ So, let's dive in, I'll take the lead ♪

♪ I gave this new sport
Its inspired beginning ♪

♪ Ladies, it's time
For synchronized swimming ♪

♪ Synchronized, synchronized swimming
We're linking up our moves ♪

♪ Synchronized, synchronized swimming
We don't even need a pool ♪

♪ Perhaps you're confused
How I float with such ease ♪

♪ At 11 years old, I came up with these
Fins for the hands to facilitate motion ♪

♪ To glide like a fish
In river and ocean ♪

♪ Synchronized, synchronized swimming
We're linking up our moves ♪

♪ Synchronized, synchronized swimming
We don't even need a pool, hey, hey! ♪

[kids shouting]

Hello, everybody,
and welcome to self-defense class.

-Yeah.
-Yes.

That is,
self-defense through non-violence.

Huh?

Let's run through a scenario.

You're walking home
down a dark street at night.

Suddenly... a European empire jumps out
and takes over your country.

-What do you do?
-Punch that country in the face!

-No.
-What?

By stooping to violence,
we encourage more violence, huh?

-Yeah?
-I let him take it.

-I can't run a country. I'm a kid.
-You're overthinking this.

You don't fight,
but you peacefully refuse to cooperate.

It'll take time
but the spirit will defeat their greed.

-How long will this take?
-Could be decades.

Some of my successful protests only
took months. Now, I'm going to show you

my most effective self-defense technique.

Everybody, stand up.

Now...

sit down.

Stay like that until your demands are met.
Refuse to eat, refuse to move.

That will really get their goat.

-How long do we sit?
-Until they see their errors.

-This is never gonna work.
-It worked for India.

Okay.

-It took decades.
-[all groaning]

-Gandhi.
-Yes, Franklin?

I spy with my eye a lover of peace
and a symbol of freedom and hope.

Thank you. Lovely compliment.

You misunderstood
who I was talking about.

Oh, okay.

Hey, guys. It is so crazy
both you dudes are on money.

-I'm on the 100-dollar bill.
-I am on the 100-rupee note.

-That is so cool.
-Thanks.

You're old, bald men
and they put you on the bills.

See you.

Some compliments
don't seem like compliments.

♪ [rapping] Okay, there's lots of ways
Your face can get commemorated ♪

♪ Statues and plaques
And all that's overrated ♪

♪ Dated, you wanna make
A permanent splash ♪

♪ Find a way
To get your face on some cash ♪

♪ Immortalization all over the nation ♪

♪ Always keeping up
With the rate of inflation ♪

-♪ We're old, we're bald ♪
-♪ Our glasses may be funny ♪

♪ But guess what
We got our faces on money ♪

♪ We got our faces on money
We got our faces on money ♪

-♪ Ka-ching! ♪
-♪ The best kind of bling ♪

♪ Maybe streets get named
For a queen or a king ♪

-♪ And cops get parades ♪
-♪ Rock stars get groupies ♪

-♪ I get the hundreds ♪
-♪ I get the rupees ♪

♪ Not always into the way that I'm drawn ♪

♪ I get a chill from the bills I'm on ♪

♪ Quick like a bunny
Cool when it's sunny ♪

♪ Hot, 'cause we both got
Our faces on money ♪

♪ We both fought Great Britain
To the best of our ability ♪

♪ Agility, steadfast
Harassed the nobility ♪

♪ We gave all we could
Like the bees give honey ♪

♪ For freedom for our people
Plus our faces on the money ♪

♪ We both got our faces on money ♪

-[narrator] It's Gandhi.
-I had a nightmare last night.

I was giving a speech,
and when I looked down...

I was wearing pants.

[laughs] Oh.

[narrator] Here is what
Benjamin Franklin wore daily.

Linen night shirt, leather garters,
stockings,

breeches, kerchief, second linen shirt,
sleeveless waistcoat,

buttons, buttons, buttons.

Buckle shoes,
double-breasted overcoat, buttons.

Here's what Gandhi wore on a daily basis.
Dhoti, sandals.

Now this.

[audience cheering]

It's Who Was Your Life.

Welcome to Who Was Your Life,
where historic figures

try to identify people
who made them great.

Gandhi, how you doing?

Oh! I can't wait to reconnect
with the souls I worked with

-while fighting inequality.
-Super.

Well, tell me,
do you recognize this voice?

Oi! Don't care
if you got a first-class ticket.

Ride in third class
or get off me train.

The conductor in South Africa
who kicked me off for being Indian?

That is correct.

Very impressive.

-It's lovely to see you.
-Put that down. Come here.

-You're an inspiration.
-Again,

we remind the participants
not to get handsy.

-Thank you.
-[man] Okay, Gandhi.

Do you recognize this voice?

Oi! I don't care if you got a ticket.

Get on me footboard,
or get off me carriage.

Is it the, uh, coachman in South Africa

who kicked me off of his carriage
for being Indian?

That is correct.

I was afraid you'd forgotten me, Mahatma.

I could never forget
such blatant discrimination.

[laughing]

But tell your family I say hello.

Next voice could be
an old friend with a pleasant memory?

Maybe, I doubt it. Let's listen.

Oi! Shove off, you.

This blooming sidewalk's
only for Englishmen.

Yes, it's the policeman who shoved me
into the street... for being Indian.

That is amazing.

Three for three.

That was the law.

People of color weren't allowed
to walk where we took our strolls.

Lot of mustaches today.

Is everyone back there
a British person who oppressed me?

[all] Yes!

-Okay.
-Remember, this is the show

where you meet people who made you great,
who gave you something to fight for.

Ha. Fun show.

I like to think so.
We'll see you guys next time.

[announcer]
That was Who Was Your Life.

Hey, cue music.

The Mandatory Ben Franklin Kite Sketch.

It was a stormy night.

Wind howled, rain pounded,
but a young me was undaunted.

Yeah, that's me,
muscles glistening, brain bulging.

Tonight, I'd prove my theory

lightning and electricity are the same.

[shouting]

Removing bifocals I invented,
I shouted:

Grab my kite. Attach my string to the key.

The time is now to change history forever.

I launched the kite
into that cumulonimbus thunderhead.

The bolts came fast and furious.
I dodged them as best I could until...

The jolt was indescribable.
It was indeed electricity.

I touched the key to a battery,
and it held the charge.

"You've done it, father," my son said.
I looked at him and said, "How shocking."

-Gandhi.
-Yes, Franklin?

Why'd you work to free your country?

To end the oppression of my people
under the thumb of the British Empire.

Why did you work tirelessly
to free your country?

So I could be on The Who Was Show.
Ma, I did it. Ha.

Ah, grazing at the snack table, I see.
Mm, yum, yum.

[laughs] So, we've all learned
lots and lots and lots of,

you know,
stuff about the two of you, right?

-You got a raw deal for probably too long.
-Probably?

And the kite,
whatever happened to those things?

Yeah, weird.
But one thing that we have not covered yet

is which one of the two of you
would win a dance-off.

Hit it.

[dance music playing]

I'm sorry, what?

-Oh. I love it.
-The purpose is to highlight the lives

and accomplishments
of historical figures.

Not dance
and make fools of ourselves.

[Franklin] Oh, I'm electric.

Hate to pull rank on you,
but I'm the boss. Do what I say.

I will stage a peaceful protest.
My non-cooperation campaign.

My satyagraha.

Gesundheit.

Really?

[laughs]

I'll start with a hunger strike.

I refuse to eat or drink anything
until you remove the dance-off.

Well, suit yourself. I guess we'll
find out which one of us breaks first.

-You want a bite of this, don't you?
-No, not if I must dance.

You have amazing willpower.

[groaning]

I give up. No dance-off.

I'm happy my protest
has succeeded in changing your mind.

You gotta be famished.
It's been 30 seconds.

What are you gonna treat yourself to?
Lobster, steak?

-Maybe both, some surf and turf?
-Oh, no. None of the above.

I don't always eat, but when I do...

♪ [singing] Since I was a boy
I refused to see creatures ♪

♪ With feelings and features as food ♪

♪ But I've always loved the way ♪

♪ Asparagus danced with the spices ♪

♪ It's yummy like potatoes
With curry and tomatoes ♪

♪ And there's really nothing
As good as rice is ♪

♪ Now, I'm ready to eat ♪

♪ But no meat ♪

♪ Just the vegetables if you please ♪

♪ Give me carrots, rutabagas and peas ♪

♪ No need to be malicious
Plants can be delicious ♪

♪ So, be mindful and be kind ♪

♪ Enjoy some lentils or beans ♪

♪ Lovely leafy greens or some sauerkraut ♪

♪ Have a waffle, some hummus or falafels ♪

♪ I'll put some pumpkin
And cauliflower out ♪

♪ Just the vegetables if you please ♪

♪ Pickled peppers, avocados and peas ♪

♪ More peas ♪

♪ Just the vegetables ♪

♪ Just the vegetables ♪

♪ Just the vegetables ♪

♪ Just the vegetables ♪

-Hey, Ben.
-Yes, Gandhi?

-It'd be funny if we traded glasses.
-Let's do it.

-You look ridiculous.
-You look ridiculous.

[narrator] 1781. Benjamin Franklin
was living in France,

to convince the French to help the U.S.
in the Revolutionary War.

Even during this historic time

Franklin never stopped trying
to make the world better.

So, in that year, this also happened.
No, really.

Well, sort of.

Gentlemen of the Royal Academy,
I present to you an essay entitled

"A Letter to the Royal Academy
About Farting." Look it up. I did.

In digesting food, there is created
in the bowels a quantity of wind.

When this air escapes and mixes
with the atmosphere, the odor's offensive.

Uh, farts stink,
it's hard to keep them in.

-Ah!
-Indubitably.

I present The Franklin Challenge.

Make farts smell pleasant,
a Franklin's in it for the man who does.

Challenge accepted.

[farting]

[farting]

[farting]

[farting]

[farting]

[panting]

[farting]

[farting]

Gentlemen, found a solution?

We developed a technique
100-percent effective.

One hundred percent? Please, continue.

It's best to just break wind
when you need to,

and then blame it on the dog.

Yes, and if no dog is present,
blame it on a child.

If no child is present,
pretend nothing is happening

and just stare as if you don't smell it.

Yes, make someone else comment,
then blame them by saying,

"He who smelt it, dealt it."

No, that doesn't solve the problem.

[farting]

At least say, "Excuse me."

Oh!

-Don't leave me basting in this foul wind.
-He who smelt it...

dealt it. It was Ben Franklin
that released that stench.

-No, I didn't fart.
-Ben Franklin farted.

[all] Ben Franklin farted
Ben Franklin farted

Ben Franklin farted
Ben Franklin farted

-Ben Franklin farted
-No, no, no.

Ben Franklin farted.
That's a way to end a show.

-Yeah.
-Come on in.

Have a post-show check-in.

The Rap Room,
where we have a rap session

about today's episode and talk about
what we learned. I'll start.

Eat your vegetables.

Okay. Couch-leaning kid, what'd you learn?

-Name's Bentley.
-No, it isn't. My name is Ron.

-How do you not know?
-Okay, Benjamin Franklin and Gandhi

knew they shouldn't let powerful people
mistreat the less powerful.

Take a stand
if someone does something wrong.

-Call out injustice.
-[Ron] Yeah.

But mostly, eat your vegetables, yeah?

Great rap session.
I cannot wait to see

who we're Who Was-ing in our next episode.
Know who I'm thinking? Voldemort.

-You can't say his name.
-[Ron] Can't say whose name?

-Good one.
-Ha, ha.

[all] Oh!

[rap music playing]

-[man] How do you think the show went?
-Good.

I thought we'd spend more time
on achievements, less on farts.

But if there had to be farts,
I'm glad they were Ben Franklin's.

[woman] Your favorite sketch?

My song about vegetables.
Music combined with not eating meat?

What's better?

[man] What was it like sharing an episode
with Ben Franklin?

Sharing an episode was an honor.
Sharing a dressing room, less so.

I refer again to the farts.

-[woman] How did you think the show went?
-Fun and mostly accurate.

Except for the Mandatory Kite Sketch.

In real life, I was more buff.
I was a beast.

[woman] What was your favorite part?

Hear the phat raps?
Didn't know I had it in me, did you?

[dance music playing]