The Six Million Dollar Man (1974–1978): Season 5, Episode 10 - Target: Steve Austin - full transcript
Steve's latest mission has him trying to lure out some people who have managed to infiltrate OSI and make off with some of their new projects. He and another agent are suppose to pose as a married couple and they are transporting a power unit. What they don't know is that they made one of their own look like the agent Steve is working with. And while in transit they grab her and send their ringer in.
FLIGHT COM:
It looks good at NASA One.
B-52 >PILOT:
Roger.
BCS Arm switch is on.
FLIGHT COM:
Okay, Victor.
B-52 PILOT: Landing Rocket Arm switch is on.
Here comes the throttle.
Circuit breakers in.
STEVE:
We have separation.
B-52 PILOT:
Inboard and outboards are on.
I'm comin' forward with the side stick.
FLIGHT COM:
Looks good.
PILOT:
Ah, Roger.
STEVE:
I've got a blowout in damper three.
SR-71 PILOT:
Get your pitch to zero.
STEVE:
Pitch is out. I can't hold altitude!
B-52 PILOT: Correction. Alpha Hold is oil“.
Threat selector is emergency.
STEVE: Flight Com. I can't hold it!
She's breaking up! She's breaking...
ANNOUNCER:
Steve Austin. Astronaut.
A man barely alive.
Gentlemen, we can rebuild him.
We have the technology.
We have the capability
to make the world's first bionic man.
Steve Austin will be that man.
Better than he was before.
Better, stronger, faster.
(MAIN TITLE THEME)
You mind me asking you
a question, Frank?
Be my guest.
You met me at the hangar,
you said hello...
asked me if I had a nice trip...
and then you've been shut up
like a clam ever since.
Now, can you tell
me what's wrong?
I didn't talk to you because I couldn't be sure
if my car wasn't bugged.
That we weren't under surveillance.
STEVE: Are you serious?
FRANK: Never been more serious.
As a matter of fact, Steve,
maybe right here right now somewhere.
Come on, Frank.
Let me give it to you quick, amigo.
O.S.I. has got a king-size security leak.
Somebody out there...
completely invisible,
extremely well organized...
has somehow managed to
invade our internal security.
They've tapped us,
they've bugged us...
they photographed us.
They're driving us crazy.
They know every move we make...
when we make it, they know the
classified projects we've got going.
And they've got our
top secret code series.
Figure that out.
Somebody on the inside?
I can't believe that, but...
sure, we're just gonna have
to accept that as a fact of life.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
STEVE: You mean Oscar
has no leads at all?
FRANK: No.
You've gotta be pretty
smart to push Oscar.
They've just got us with our
backs up against the wall.
However, I think we've got a way to set
a trap for them that's gonna work.
You're the whole thing, Steve.
Good old Oscar.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(METAL CREAKING)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
You hurt?
No, I'm all right.
I'm all right.
Here. I'll patch you through to Oscar
from the Test Center.
FRANK: Steve, how did that happen?
It looked like an explosives
were rigged to the cable...
to go off the second
we reached the top.
I told you these guys play rough.
Yeah, well, they made
a believer out of me.
Now, we've let word that
you're gonna be transporting...
a new, highly-classified
nuclear power unit...
to one of our experimental reactor stations
out in the Southwest desert area.
Steve, I don't know if
you're aware of this or not...
that unit when it's activated...
becomes a power source capable
of lighting a city the size of Los Angeles.
For five years.
That'll give you some idea
the money this group could make...
if they could, say,
sell it to an undeveloped nation.
If they could get their hands on it.
Exactly.
Why not just transport it
by a company of marines?
No, no. They'd just ignore it,
let it go on through.
We'd still be bugged right back
where we've started.
We've got to get them, Steve.
Well, send a dummy unit.
No, they'd spot that in a minute.
No, this is the only way, Steve.
We're gonna have to risk
sending the real thing...
and then when they go
to make their move...
I know. We grab 'em.
Well, that's the plan.
(MARTIAL ARTS YELLS)
Hello.
Steve, I want you
to meet your wife, Jean.
Hi, Joan.
Hi.
I teamed her up
with you for this mission.
You've got good taste.
You two will be travelling
in a motor home. Honeymooners.
We've got the motor home rigged...
so we can house the power pack
underneath the floor boards.
And, Steve,
I want a chopper tracking you.
Just in case.
If it'll make you feel more secure.
We'll be hanging in with you
on communications on this end.
I better change.
I'll be a few minutes.
Yeah, I'll see you in
a little bit, Mrs. Austin.
She's a one-woman army.
Yeah. Before this thing's over,
you just might need an army.
Now the gasses are separated
into two sections.
One here and one here.
The bulkhead in the center
seals off one section from the other.
When the unit is hooked into the reactor,
the bulkhead slides off...
and the gasses are allowed
to mix freely.
And they energize.
What happens if the gasses
start mixing before they're energized?
They could become unstable.
STEVE: Like how unstable?
Something like nitro.
But now as long as the gasses remain
in their separate compartments...
they just remain inert.
If the gasses do mix, how long do
we have before this thing goes pow?
That depends on the temperature...
how quickly the gasses mix,
on a lot of things.
It could take minutes,
it could take hours.
But, it can be detonated
by a bad bump or jolt.
We better make this thing
one long, smooth ride all the way.
You wanna take a look
at our dream house?
You bet.
Where would you like to go on your
honeymoon, Mrs. Austin?
JOAN: Surprise me.
STEVE: How about the Mardi Gras
in New Orleans?
Marvelous.
Acapulco?
Fantastic!
STEVE'S VOICE: Or maybe you'd like
to go in for some winter sports.
JOAN'S VOICE: Hmm. I'm adaptable.
This dream house. Not bad.
Not bad at all.
STEVE'S VOICE: Well, it's not
exactly a castle, but it'll have to do.
By the way, how's your cooking?
JOAN: Pretty awful.
What about TV dinners?
Great, as long as there's an oven.
I hate frozen dinners, though.
What do you say we just step along
the way and I pick us up some dinner?
JOAN: I'd like that even better.
STEVE: All right.
On a scale of one to ten,
how do you like Mexican food?
Joan: Ten.
Uh, pizza?
Ten.
What makes you
so difficult to please?
I guess I'm always hungry.
STEVE: That makes two of us,
but I don't think Oscar would understand.
JOAN: What do you mean?
STEVE: We're on a budget.
JOAN: But it's our honeymoon, Steve.
It's perfect.
STEVE: when I turn in our food
allowance bill, will Oscar know it?
JOAN: (LAUGHS) Oscar’s never
been on a honeymoon before.
Beautiful.
STEVE: Well you better get
a big breakfast in the morning...
because we start rolling
early in the morning.
It's going to be a heavenly
honeymoon, Steve.
And so very profitable.
How about some coffee?
Good idea.
Here you go.
Thanks.
What's a nice looking girl like you doing
in a flaky business like this, anyway?
I told you, I didn't like to cook.
Never was the domestic type.
But your neck goes
on the line every time out.
Same thing goes with anyone
who steps into a bathtub.
I don't know, I guess it's
the frustrated actress in me.
O.S.I. gives me a chance
to try on a lot of different parts.
Like right now. Your wife.
Okay, "wife". Go see how "junior" is.
Sure.
(HORNS HONK, TIRES SCREECH)
Must've been a woman driver.
Is Junior okay?
He's fine. Just fine.
How're we doing, Navigator?
Right on target so far.
Here. I'll get the kinks out.
Oh, it's just a little stiff.
You know, for a lady who's all Kung Fu,
you've got a nice touch.
Last year in the Far East,
I met an old Chinese mystic...
who put magic in my fingers.
Too bad it's going to waste.
Marriage has its advantages.
Hey, would you like a piece
of the world's best apple pie?
There's a place just up
ahead about half a mile.
You got a deal.
Call the chopper.
Tell them there's no trouble.
We're just making a little stop.
Four-Wheeler to Skyhook, come in.
This is Skyhook, come in,
Four-Wheeler.
JOAN: We're making a stop
about a half mile up the road.
We'll meet you back on course
in about 30 minutes.
Roger, Four-Wheeler.
I'll be watching.
Thanks, Skyhook. Out.
I won't be long.
I'll stretch.
Hi.
Hi.
Pretty nice.
Pretty nice what?
He means you and that.
Hey, man. I got a mouth
of my own, you know.
It must be pretty nice inside.
A lot of nice expensive things.
Hey, Rabbit, why don't we ask
the little chick to invite us inside...
and look around?
RABBIT: Yeah. Why don't I?
Gosh, the place is really a mess.
I mean, dirty dishes and...
Hey, that's cool. We don't mind.
Hey, like, yeah, we don't mind.
Look, fellas, I really don't think
you should be messing around in there.
Get outta my way.
What happened to them?
I don't know. They must've fallen
off their bikes, I guess.
How about heating up
the apple pie?
Sure.
You and your big ideas.
Goodbye, Joan.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Going to the moon
was smoother than this.
We call it Earth turbulence.
(PHONE BUZZES)
This is Four Wheeler.
There's a van that's been tagging along.
Want me to take a closer look?
Hold on, Skyhook.
Skyhook says a van's hanging on behind us.
Wants to know if he should go down
and take a closer look.
Tell him negative. Just let us know
if it starts moving in closer.
Negative, Skyhook. Just keep us
informed if it gets any closer.
We'll do.
Thanks.
It's okay. This is where we
turn off to get to the tunnel.
WOMAN: Oh, please. Come on!
I'll have a look.
Want me to come with you?
No, stay here and cover me.
Tell the chopper we're making
an unscheduled stop.
Okay.
Skyhook, this is Four Wheeler.
Come in.
This is Skyhook. Go ahead.
JOAN: We have a small delay here.
Nothing to worry about.
Meet us where Highway 14
intersects with Highway 22.
PILOT: Will do, Four Wheeler.
Well, what's the problem?
Thank goodness somebody
came through the tunnel.
I thought we'd be stuck here forever.
If I told Alfred once,
I told him a hundred times...
stick to the main roads!
This was supposed to be a short cut.
A short cut.
Let me have a look.
Maybe I can help you out.
That'd be great.
Oh, very good.
JOAN 2: Do you have
the knock-out gas?
JOAN 2: Okay, let's go make the switch.
Right.
Why don't you get back in the car
and start the motor?
When I tell you, pull forward.
We'll try that.
You think you can
manage that, Alfred?
Get in the car.
Open the door.
Sheesh.
(CAN HISSES)
(JOAN COUGHING)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Pull forward!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
You know where to take her, then get back
on the road and wait for my call.
Right.
I think you're okay now.
We can't thank you enough.
Thanks a lot.
Thanks a lot.
Be careful.
Everything okay?
Quiet as a church.
We've been hitting
some pretty rough spots.
Better check Junior.
Okay?
All secure, Steve.
Air conditioner's out.
I'll just be a couple minutes.
Watchman, this is She-Bear,
do you read?
We read you, She-Bear.
What about the girl?
No problem.
From now on, I'm Four-Wheeler
and you're Skyhook.
Call in in 15 minutes.
You've got it.
Steve, something's
beginning to bother me.
Like what?
Well, it shows here on the map...
that the end of the line is
about four or five hours away.
It's been quiet, Steve. Too quiet.
Did that Chinese mystic teach you
to read people's minds, too?
Maybe they decided
to just pass on this.
(PHONE BUZZES)
Four-Wheeler.
Come in, Skyhook.
(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)
Hold on, Skyhook.
It's from O.S.I.
They want you to cross
over to Highway 14...
and stay on it until it intersects
with Interstate 22.
Let me speak to him.
This is Austin.
Give me a replay on that.
That was the message from
Frank Tracey, Colonel.
I can't hear you very well.
Sony, this radio's
been acting up a little.
Tracey give you any reason?
He said Oscar Goldman
ordered me to pullout.
He thinks it's too much of a giveaway
babysitting you from up here.
Could buy us a no-show.
They said to tell you
they'll track you the rest of the way...
from a high-altitude
Navy radar sweep.
Good luck, Four Wheeler.
Thanks, Skyhook.
Four Wheeler out.
What's that all about?
Oscar's either getting
over cautious, or worried.
Skyhook to Four Wheeler,
come in please.
Skyhook to Four Wheeler,
come in please.
Skyhook to Four Wheeler,
come in please.
Skyhook to Humpty Dumpty,
come in please.
This is Humpty Dumpty, go ahead.
I'm over the motor home now,
but I can't raise anyone.
What's your location?
State Highway 38,
about 20 miles northeast of Evansville.
OSCAR: You're sure you
got the right motor home?
Affirmative.
All right.
Pick a spot in front of him,
and set down.
Then put Colonel Austin on the radio.
I wanna talk with him.
That's a Wilco.
Trouble?
Not with that one-woman army
he's get working with him.
We'll find out soon enough.
PILOT: Hey, what...?
You did that real good, buster.
Now, you and I are gonna
take a little flight. Come on.
Humpty Dumpty to Skyhook.
What's with Colonel Austin?
OSCAR: Humpty Dumpty to Skyhook.
Tell him Steve is just great.
Skyhook to Humpty Dumpty.
Steve had some transmission problems.
He hit a rut in the road.
I wanna speak with
Colonel Austin, please.
He took off, sir.
Don't let him out of your sight.
If you see anything suspicious, I wanna
hear about it right away, you understand?
Yes, sir. Skyhook out.
Good for you, buster.
Better get that thing out of here.
It's getting close to countdown time.
Call She-Bear.
Tell her I'm on my way to pick up
Hellerman and the money.
Okay, buster, let's lift off.
You said something about
it being too quiet earlier?
Take a look.
Looks like the same van
that was following us earlier.
Let's find out if they want something.
Hang on.
(TIRES SCREECH)
(TIRES SCREECH)
I'm not going to lose them this way.
Hang in behind the wheel just in case!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BARK SNAPPING)
(TIRES SCREECH)
MAN: Stop him!
Aim for the tires!
(GUNSHOTS)
(RICOCHET, GAS HISSES)
What now, Steve?
Well, we keep going.
How about some of that
Chinese mystic magic again?
Huh?
Eh, the old neck rub.
Oh, of course.
How's that feel?
Oh, it's good.
But not as good as before.
Before?
Yeah, the way you rubbed my
temples before, you remember?
Of course.
How's that?
Wrong.
(TIRES SCREECH)
They said your team played
a dangerous game.
We play to win.
That was a good job you had done
on your face. Too bad it's wasted.
Maybe, maybe not.
What'd you do with Jean?
Let's have some secrets from
each other, shall we?
Who else is in on this with you?
There's 40 million dollars riding on this.
Think what you could
do with a share of it.
No deal.
You sure you know
what you're turning down?
20 years, hard labor.
Come on.
JOAN 2: Let me out!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
There's a road that circles around.
We'll pick it up and get them.
Okay, let's go.
(BRIDGE CREAKING)
(LOW HUMMING)
(LOW HUMMING)
Austin!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(RUMBLING)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BRIDGE CREAKING)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(STARTS ENGINE)
(BRIDGE CREAKING)
MAN: Please turn around, Mr. Austin.
But do it slowly.
No false moves.
WOMAN: I must thank you for getting
the motor home across that bridge.
We hadn't planned on that being
such a problem, had we, Alfred?
(CHUCKLES)
(BANGING)
Get me out of here!
Let her out, Jessica.
We've gotta get moving.
We meet Hellerman in half an hour.
You may not make it.
The bulkhead in that
cylinder is splitting.
The gases are fusing,
the whole thing has gone critical.
Alfred, you drive.
Jessica, contact Watchman.
Let them know we're rolling...
and we'll meet them at point
of contact with Hellerman.
Hello, Watchman?
Hello, Watchman.
We've got Austin and the power unit.
Tell them to meet us at
Rendezvous Area B for the exchange.
I saw what you had to do
in order to move this thing.
I knew you were exceptional,
but not that exceptional.
How'd you do it?
Like you said, let's have
some secrets from each other.
Well, you might as well sit back
and enjoy the rest of the trip.
If we live long enough.
You disappoint me, Steve.
In what way?
I never figured you for a cliché.
The gases are fusing.
The whole thing's gone critical.
The only thing critical to me is
the thought of losing 40 million dollars...
and that I wouldn't like.
And if you don't live to see it?
Don't start that again.
I told you: I play to win.
Alfred, you and Jessica
want to get blown up?
Even the O.S.I. doesn't have the numbers...
on how long after this thing
to blow up after it goes critical.
Could be a minute, an hour...
seconds from now.
JOAN 2: Keep driving, Alfred.
We're only 10 minutes
from 40 million dollars.
STEVE: You could be five minutes
from the nearest cemetery.
Steve, you're saying all the wrong things.
If I have to, I'll kill you.
I believe you would.
HELLERMAN: Who's he?
JOAN 2: Not your problem.
Do you have it?
Get it. Back to the van,
under the floor.
You're making a big mistake, mister.
What is he talking about?
He's O.S.I.
Then he is your problem.
I don't want to know about it.
Payment, please.
After I see it,
this will be yours.
After we land it on ship board...
and our people have a chance
to examine it and test it....
you will receive the balance in full.
You know where to find me.
Of course.
And you surely may
expect me to find you...
if this is not
what you say it is.
Put it aboard.
The briefcase, if you don't mind.
Of course.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Get him! Catch him!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Pull up!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Take cover!
Oscar took off, Steve, and he said he'd talk
to you when you got back to Washington.
Got the whole bunch of them in custody.
Chopper pilot's okay.
Where did Joan go?
She didn't say.
Just said she'd be in touch.
I'll catch you guys later.
Okay.
See ya.
Are you for real?
The real McCoy.
(MICROWAVE DINGS)
How'd you know I'd be back?
I knew you'd be back
for your apple pie.
Hey. And the ice cream?
You better believe it.
Cut her up.
(LAUGHS)
(RV ENGINE STARTS)
Hey, Steve!
Where are you going?
Some place for apple pie and ice cream,
where it's nice and quiet.
(END THEME MUSIC)
It looks good at NASA One.
B-52 >PILOT:
Roger.
BCS Arm switch is on.
FLIGHT COM:
Okay, Victor.
B-52 PILOT: Landing Rocket Arm switch is on.
Here comes the throttle.
Circuit breakers in.
STEVE:
We have separation.
B-52 PILOT:
Inboard and outboards are on.
I'm comin' forward with the side stick.
FLIGHT COM:
Looks good.
PILOT:
Ah, Roger.
STEVE:
I've got a blowout in damper three.
SR-71 PILOT:
Get your pitch to zero.
STEVE:
Pitch is out. I can't hold altitude!
B-52 PILOT: Correction. Alpha Hold is oil“.
Threat selector is emergency.
STEVE: Flight Com. I can't hold it!
She's breaking up! She's breaking...
ANNOUNCER:
Steve Austin. Astronaut.
A man barely alive.
Gentlemen, we can rebuild him.
We have the technology.
We have the capability
to make the world's first bionic man.
Steve Austin will be that man.
Better than he was before.
Better, stronger, faster.
(MAIN TITLE THEME)
You mind me asking you
a question, Frank?
Be my guest.
You met me at the hangar,
you said hello...
asked me if I had a nice trip...
and then you've been shut up
like a clam ever since.
Now, can you tell
me what's wrong?
I didn't talk to you because I couldn't be sure
if my car wasn't bugged.
That we weren't under surveillance.
STEVE: Are you serious?
FRANK: Never been more serious.
As a matter of fact, Steve,
maybe right here right now somewhere.
Come on, Frank.
Let me give it to you quick, amigo.
O.S.I. has got a king-size security leak.
Somebody out there...
completely invisible,
extremely well organized...
has somehow managed to
invade our internal security.
They've tapped us,
they've bugged us...
they photographed us.
They're driving us crazy.
They know every move we make...
when we make it, they know the
classified projects we've got going.
And they've got our
top secret code series.
Figure that out.
Somebody on the inside?
I can't believe that, but...
sure, we're just gonna have
to accept that as a fact of life.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
STEVE: You mean Oscar
has no leads at all?
FRANK: No.
You've gotta be pretty
smart to push Oscar.
They've just got us with our
backs up against the wall.
However, I think we've got a way to set
a trap for them that's gonna work.
You're the whole thing, Steve.
Good old Oscar.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(METAL CREAKING)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
You hurt?
No, I'm all right.
I'm all right.
Here. I'll patch you through to Oscar
from the Test Center.
FRANK: Steve, how did that happen?
It looked like an explosives
were rigged to the cable...
to go off the second
we reached the top.
I told you these guys play rough.
Yeah, well, they made
a believer out of me.
Now, we've let word that
you're gonna be transporting...
a new, highly-classified
nuclear power unit...
to one of our experimental reactor stations
out in the Southwest desert area.
Steve, I don't know if
you're aware of this or not...
that unit when it's activated...
becomes a power source capable
of lighting a city the size of Los Angeles.
For five years.
That'll give you some idea
the money this group could make...
if they could, say,
sell it to an undeveloped nation.
If they could get their hands on it.
Exactly.
Why not just transport it
by a company of marines?
No, no. They'd just ignore it,
let it go on through.
We'd still be bugged right back
where we've started.
We've got to get them, Steve.
Well, send a dummy unit.
No, they'd spot that in a minute.
No, this is the only way, Steve.
We're gonna have to risk
sending the real thing...
and then when they go
to make their move...
I know. We grab 'em.
Well, that's the plan.
(MARTIAL ARTS YELLS)
Hello.
Steve, I want you
to meet your wife, Jean.
Hi, Joan.
Hi.
I teamed her up
with you for this mission.
You've got good taste.
You two will be travelling
in a motor home. Honeymooners.
We've got the motor home rigged...
so we can house the power pack
underneath the floor boards.
And, Steve,
I want a chopper tracking you.
Just in case.
If it'll make you feel more secure.
We'll be hanging in with you
on communications on this end.
I better change.
I'll be a few minutes.
Yeah, I'll see you in
a little bit, Mrs. Austin.
She's a one-woman army.
Yeah. Before this thing's over,
you just might need an army.
Now the gasses are separated
into two sections.
One here and one here.
The bulkhead in the center
seals off one section from the other.
When the unit is hooked into the reactor,
the bulkhead slides off...
and the gasses are allowed
to mix freely.
And they energize.
What happens if the gasses
start mixing before they're energized?
They could become unstable.
STEVE: Like how unstable?
Something like nitro.
But now as long as the gasses remain
in their separate compartments...
they just remain inert.
If the gasses do mix, how long do
we have before this thing goes pow?
That depends on the temperature...
how quickly the gasses mix,
on a lot of things.
It could take minutes,
it could take hours.
But, it can be detonated
by a bad bump or jolt.
We better make this thing
one long, smooth ride all the way.
You wanna take a look
at our dream house?
You bet.
Where would you like to go on your
honeymoon, Mrs. Austin?
JOAN: Surprise me.
STEVE: How about the Mardi Gras
in New Orleans?
Marvelous.
Acapulco?
Fantastic!
STEVE'S VOICE: Or maybe you'd like
to go in for some winter sports.
JOAN'S VOICE: Hmm. I'm adaptable.
This dream house. Not bad.
Not bad at all.
STEVE'S VOICE: Well, it's not
exactly a castle, but it'll have to do.
By the way, how's your cooking?
JOAN: Pretty awful.
What about TV dinners?
Great, as long as there's an oven.
I hate frozen dinners, though.
What do you say we just step along
the way and I pick us up some dinner?
JOAN: I'd like that even better.
STEVE: All right.
On a scale of one to ten,
how do you like Mexican food?
Joan: Ten.
Uh, pizza?
Ten.
What makes you
so difficult to please?
I guess I'm always hungry.
STEVE: That makes two of us,
but I don't think Oscar would understand.
JOAN: What do you mean?
STEVE: We're on a budget.
JOAN: But it's our honeymoon, Steve.
It's perfect.
STEVE: when I turn in our food
allowance bill, will Oscar know it?
JOAN: (LAUGHS) Oscar’s never
been on a honeymoon before.
Beautiful.
STEVE: Well you better get
a big breakfast in the morning...
because we start rolling
early in the morning.
It's going to be a heavenly
honeymoon, Steve.
And so very profitable.
How about some coffee?
Good idea.
Here you go.
Thanks.
What's a nice looking girl like you doing
in a flaky business like this, anyway?
I told you, I didn't like to cook.
Never was the domestic type.
But your neck goes
on the line every time out.
Same thing goes with anyone
who steps into a bathtub.
I don't know, I guess it's
the frustrated actress in me.
O.S.I. gives me a chance
to try on a lot of different parts.
Like right now. Your wife.
Okay, "wife". Go see how "junior" is.
Sure.
(HORNS HONK, TIRES SCREECH)
Must've been a woman driver.
Is Junior okay?
He's fine. Just fine.
How're we doing, Navigator?
Right on target so far.
Here. I'll get the kinks out.
Oh, it's just a little stiff.
You know, for a lady who's all Kung Fu,
you've got a nice touch.
Last year in the Far East,
I met an old Chinese mystic...
who put magic in my fingers.
Too bad it's going to waste.
Marriage has its advantages.
Hey, would you like a piece
of the world's best apple pie?
There's a place just up
ahead about half a mile.
You got a deal.
Call the chopper.
Tell them there's no trouble.
We're just making a little stop.
Four-Wheeler to Skyhook, come in.
This is Skyhook, come in,
Four-Wheeler.
JOAN: We're making a stop
about a half mile up the road.
We'll meet you back on course
in about 30 minutes.
Roger, Four-Wheeler.
I'll be watching.
Thanks, Skyhook. Out.
I won't be long.
I'll stretch.
Hi.
Hi.
Pretty nice.
Pretty nice what?
He means you and that.
Hey, man. I got a mouth
of my own, you know.
It must be pretty nice inside.
A lot of nice expensive things.
Hey, Rabbit, why don't we ask
the little chick to invite us inside...
and look around?
RABBIT: Yeah. Why don't I?
Gosh, the place is really a mess.
I mean, dirty dishes and...
Hey, that's cool. We don't mind.
Hey, like, yeah, we don't mind.
Look, fellas, I really don't think
you should be messing around in there.
Get outta my way.
What happened to them?
I don't know. They must've fallen
off their bikes, I guess.
How about heating up
the apple pie?
Sure.
You and your big ideas.
Goodbye, Joan.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
Going to the moon
was smoother than this.
We call it Earth turbulence.
(PHONE BUZZES)
This is Four Wheeler.
There's a van that's been tagging along.
Want me to take a closer look?
Hold on, Skyhook.
Skyhook says a van's hanging on behind us.
Wants to know if he should go down
and take a closer look.
Tell him negative. Just let us know
if it starts moving in closer.
Negative, Skyhook. Just keep us
informed if it gets any closer.
We'll do.
Thanks.
It's okay. This is where we
turn off to get to the tunnel.
WOMAN: Oh, please. Come on!
I'll have a look.
Want me to come with you?
No, stay here and cover me.
Tell the chopper we're making
an unscheduled stop.
Okay.
Skyhook, this is Four Wheeler.
Come in.
This is Skyhook. Go ahead.
JOAN: We have a small delay here.
Nothing to worry about.
Meet us where Highway 14
intersects with Highway 22.
PILOT: Will do, Four Wheeler.
Well, what's the problem?
Thank goodness somebody
came through the tunnel.
I thought we'd be stuck here forever.
If I told Alfred once,
I told him a hundred times...
stick to the main roads!
This was supposed to be a short cut.
A short cut.
Let me have a look.
Maybe I can help you out.
That'd be great.
Oh, very good.
JOAN 2: Do you have
the knock-out gas?
JOAN 2: Okay, let's go make the switch.
Right.
Why don't you get back in the car
and start the motor?
When I tell you, pull forward.
We'll try that.
You think you can
manage that, Alfred?
Get in the car.
Open the door.
Sheesh.
(CAN HISSES)
(JOAN COUGHING)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Pull forward!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
You know where to take her, then get back
on the road and wait for my call.
Right.
I think you're okay now.
We can't thank you enough.
Thanks a lot.
Thanks a lot.
Be careful.
Everything okay?
Quiet as a church.
We've been hitting
some pretty rough spots.
Better check Junior.
Okay?
All secure, Steve.
Air conditioner's out.
I'll just be a couple minutes.
Watchman, this is She-Bear,
do you read?
We read you, She-Bear.
What about the girl?
No problem.
From now on, I'm Four-Wheeler
and you're Skyhook.
Call in in 15 minutes.
You've got it.
Steve, something's
beginning to bother me.
Like what?
Well, it shows here on the map...
that the end of the line is
about four or five hours away.
It's been quiet, Steve. Too quiet.
Did that Chinese mystic teach you
to read people's minds, too?
Maybe they decided
to just pass on this.
(PHONE BUZZES)
Four-Wheeler.
Come in, Skyhook.
(INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE)
Hold on, Skyhook.
It's from O.S.I.
They want you to cross
over to Highway 14...
and stay on it until it intersects
with Interstate 22.
Let me speak to him.
This is Austin.
Give me a replay on that.
That was the message from
Frank Tracey, Colonel.
I can't hear you very well.
Sony, this radio's
been acting up a little.
Tracey give you any reason?
He said Oscar Goldman
ordered me to pullout.
He thinks it's too much of a giveaway
babysitting you from up here.
Could buy us a no-show.
They said to tell you
they'll track you the rest of the way...
from a high-altitude
Navy radar sweep.
Good luck, Four Wheeler.
Thanks, Skyhook.
Four Wheeler out.
What's that all about?
Oscar's either getting
over cautious, or worried.
Skyhook to Four Wheeler,
come in please.
Skyhook to Four Wheeler,
come in please.
Skyhook to Four Wheeler,
come in please.
Skyhook to Humpty Dumpty,
come in please.
This is Humpty Dumpty, go ahead.
I'm over the motor home now,
but I can't raise anyone.
What's your location?
State Highway 38,
about 20 miles northeast of Evansville.
OSCAR: You're sure you
got the right motor home?
Affirmative.
All right.
Pick a spot in front of him,
and set down.
Then put Colonel Austin on the radio.
I wanna talk with him.
That's a Wilco.
Trouble?
Not with that one-woman army
he's get working with him.
We'll find out soon enough.
PILOT: Hey, what...?
You did that real good, buster.
Now, you and I are gonna
take a little flight. Come on.
Humpty Dumpty to Skyhook.
What's with Colonel Austin?
OSCAR: Humpty Dumpty to Skyhook.
Tell him Steve is just great.
Skyhook to Humpty Dumpty.
Steve had some transmission problems.
He hit a rut in the road.
I wanna speak with
Colonel Austin, please.
He took off, sir.
Don't let him out of your sight.
If you see anything suspicious, I wanna
hear about it right away, you understand?
Yes, sir. Skyhook out.
Good for you, buster.
Better get that thing out of here.
It's getting close to countdown time.
Call She-Bear.
Tell her I'm on my way to pick up
Hellerman and the money.
Okay, buster, let's lift off.
You said something about
it being too quiet earlier?
Take a look.
Looks like the same van
that was following us earlier.
Let's find out if they want something.
Hang on.
(TIRES SCREECH)
(TIRES SCREECH)
I'm not going to lose them this way.
Hang in behind the wheel just in case!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BARK SNAPPING)
(TIRES SCREECH)
MAN: Stop him!
Aim for the tires!
(GUNSHOTS)
(RICOCHET, GAS HISSES)
What now, Steve?
Well, we keep going.
How about some of that
Chinese mystic magic again?
Huh?
Eh, the old neck rub.
Oh, of course.
How's that feel?
Oh, it's good.
But not as good as before.
Before?
Yeah, the way you rubbed my
temples before, you remember?
Of course.
How's that?
Wrong.
(TIRES SCREECH)
They said your team played
a dangerous game.
We play to win.
That was a good job you had done
on your face. Too bad it's wasted.
Maybe, maybe not.
What'd you do with Jean?
Let's have some secrets from
each other, shall we?
Who else is in on this with you?
There's 40 million dollars riding on this.
Think what you could
do with a share of it.
No deal.
You sure you know
what you're turning down?
20 years, hard labor.
Come on.
JOAN 2: Let me out!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
There's a road that circles around.
We'll pick it up and get them.
Okay, let's go.
(BRIDGE CREAKING)
(LOW HUMMING)
(LOW HUMMING)
Austin!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(RUMBLING)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BRIDGE CREAKING)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(STARTS ENGINE)
(BRIDGE CREAKING)
MAN: Please turn around, Mr. Austin.
But do it slowly.
No false moves.
WOMAN: I must thank you for getting
the motor home across that bridge.
We hadn't planned on that being
such a problem, had we, Alfred?
(CHUCKLES)
(BANGING)
Get me out of here!
Let her out, Jessica.
We've gotta get moving.
We meet Hellerman in half an hour.
You may not make it.
The bulkhead in that
cylinder is splitting.
The gases are fusing,
the whole thing has gone critical.
Alfred, you drive.
Jessica, contact Watchman.
Let them know we're rolling...
and we'll meet them at point
of contact with Hellerman.
Hello, Watchman?
Hello, Watchman.
We've got Austin and the power unit.
Tell them to meet us at
Rendezvous Area B for the exchange.
I saw what you had to do
in order to move this thing.
I knew you were exceptional,
but not that exceptional.
How'd you do it?
Like you said, let's have
some secrets from each other.
Well, you might as well sit back
and enjoy the rest of the trip.
If we live long enough.
You disappoint me, Steve.
In what way?
I never figured you for a cliché.
The gases are fusing.
The whole thing's gone critical.
The only thing critical to me is
the thought of losing 40 million dollars...
and that I wouldn't like.
And if you don't live to see it?
Don't start that again.
I told you: I play to win.
Alfred, you and Jessica
want to get blown up?
Even the O.S.I. doesn't have the numbers...
on how long after this thing
to blow up after it goes critical.
Could be a minute, an hour...
seconds from now.
JOAN 2: Keep driving, Alfred.
We're only 10 minutes
from 40 million dollars.
STEVE: You could be five minutes
from the nearest cemetery.
Steve, you're saying all the wrong things.
If I have to, I'll kill you.
I believe you would.
HELLERMAN: Who's he?
JOAN 2: Not your problem.
Do you have it?
Get it. Back to the van,
under the floor.
You're making a big mistake, mister.
What is he talking about?
He's O.S.I.
Then he is your problem.
I don't want to know about it.
Payment, please.
After I see it,
this will be yours.
After we land it on ship board...
and our people have a chance
to examine it and test it....
you will receive the balance in full.
You know where to find me.
Of course.
And you surely may
expect me to find you...
if this is not
what you say it is.
Put it aboard.
The briefcase, if you don't mind.
Of course.
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Get him! Catch him!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Pull up!
(BIONIC SOUND EFFECT)
Take cover!
Oscar took off, Steve, and he said he'd talk
to you when you got back to Washington.
Got the whole bunch of them in custody.
Chopper pilot's okay.
Where did Joan go?
She didn't say.
Just said she'd be in touch.
I'll catch you guys later.
Okay.
See ya.
Are you for real?
The real McCoy.
(MICROWAVE DINGS)
How'd you know I'd be back?
I knew you'd be back
for your apple pie.
Hey. And the ice cream?
You better believe it.
Cut her up.
(LAUGHS)
(RV ENGINE STARTS)
Hey, Steve!
Where are you going?
Some place for apple pie and ice cream,
where it's nice and quiet.
(END THEME MUSIC)