The Real Housewives of Potomac (2016–…): Season 5, Episode 7 - Fireball and Firepits - full transcript

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♪♪

- this is cute, monique.

The house is very nice
in the middle of nowhere.

- Who's this?
- I don't know.

- Hi, y'all.

- Candiace!

- Surprise, surprise.

- I'm hurt by the way
that monique

has handled our friendship,

but I do wanna have a good time.

- Go!
- Whoo!



- Yes.

♪♪

- I wanna know you ladies
on a different level,

but more important... [screaming]

- there's certain things and
certain needs that I have

that's not gettin' met.

- I don't wanna feel like
I'm some booty call.

That'd be wonderful.

- Just don't be complaining
about bein' tired

when I do it. All right?

And so, I was thinking
of just getting something
catered out there.

- The husbands
are arriving tomorrow,

and it's my birthday weekend,

so here's another thing
I'm just gonna



put into a little box
and store it on my shelf

right next to... Candiace's box.

- I'm packing for
monique's lake house.

- You are taking the baby

because you should be
taking the baby.

- Uh, yes, honey.

So, you had this really
big dinner last night.

How did that go?

- What?

- He has a boyfriend and a wife.

[sighs] oh, my god.

- Okay, we need to
tell her tonight.

She gotta know.

- How is michael doin'?

- I have to tell ashley
your husband is out here

in these streets.
You need to know.

- Is he all right?
- He's okay.

He had a very big dinner
last night.

- Okay.
- For a big project

he closed, so yeah.

- But he's probably gettin'
some good sleep.

I hope.

Shoot, I'd be knocked out.
- I think so. I think...

I think they had
a little boys night

after the dinner last night

'cause he had some guys
in town from new york.

- Oh, okay.
- Took 'em to mgm.

Mm-hmm.

- Um, can I see you two?

Yes, the three of us. - Okay.

- We're gonna... yeah,

'cause we-we have
some planning to do.

- Yes.
- Right.

- Yes. Is that okay?

- Yeah. - Yeah. - Okay.

No one else needs to know this.

I have learned now how to be
a better friend to ashley.

Let's do this privately.

- Is everybody good?
- This is amazing.

- Are y'all...
Y'all full and all...

- yes.

- We should head back
and get refreshed.

- Yes.

- We can put
some comfy clothes on

and meet by the fire pit.
- Mm-hmm.

- I love that. I love that.
- Do the s'mores.

- S'mores.
- Thank you.

- Thank you so much, monique.

- Thank you for
a beautiful night.

It was so good.

- It is freezin'.
- Jeez.

That weather just changed,
like, really fast.

- Switch up...
The switch up is real.

- We need to put some heat on.

- Ooh.

- I'm gonna undress, right now,
and when I get up there,

I'm gonna take my boobs out,

and I'm just gonna go,
right now.

I'm nervous.

I don't get nervous,
but I am nervous, chile.

I am shakin' in my boots.
I have to pee.

My palms are sweating.

- I'm gonna go pump, okay?

- Oh, my gosh, the biggest bug
in the world is here.

- Where?
- It's on your level.

- What are these?

- It's one of
those-those killer bees.

- Is that a cicada?
- Is-is dean in the room?

- Yes.
- We just need spray.

- Okay, go ahead.
- Okay.

- Let me get some backup.

All right, I got backup.

- How far does this spray go?

- Ooh.

- Wait, that little ass thing.

- Just in case.

- The bug is about
as big as dean.

- One, two, three.

[screaming]

- why is it down here?

[laughing] - close the door.

Close the door. Close the door.

Close the door. Close the door!

- Bitch, you got a big-ass
bug in your house.

- Milanos, they do the job.

- Karen killed it!
Karen killed it!

- Where is it?

- Wait, what did you...
[wings flapping, screaming]

- t'challa wanna see, too.

[laughing]

- that really scares me,
monique.

- I didn't know he was
gonna do that.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I didn't know.

[sighs]

- so, we have killer bees,
fake-ass monique,

and her damn bird.

And I'm burdened with
information

that I really don't
wanna have to drama...

I don't wanna have
drama with ashley.

This is torture.

- Where'd I put my milk?

- Your titty milk? [laughing]

- my titty milk.

- You lost it?

- Oh, here it goes. Okay.

- So, what we doin', monique?

- I'm ready to do some s'mores
and stuff by the fire.

- Okay.

- I wanted to talk to
candiace for a bit.

- Y'all are trying to get us
to build the fire

while y'all sit here and chill.

- Well-well, I wanted
to talk to candiace.

- We'll put the fire out.
- Yes.

- All right,
we'll get it started.

- Okay, okay,
we're making progress.

- Come on, wendy.
We're gonna go start the fire.

Do y'all... - we're coming.

- Yes, save us some s'mores.

- Yes.

- Go ahead and talk.

- Jeez, mon-ettie.

[baby crying] - he's turning up.

- This is a sign.
- He knows something's up.

- Oh.

That's not scary to y'all?

I'm scared as hell.

- Well, that's when you know
you need to repent

and be baptized
in the name of jesus

because don't nobody
wanna burn in this.

- Oh, my god.

- We do this all the time.

- You are very proud
of this fire.

Look at you. [laughing]

- did you see it?
- I am so proud.

Let me see if I have
any other fire starters.

- You had two.

- Really?

What is taking y'all
so long? I got a...

- Shh-shh.
- Shh.

Dean is trying to sleep.

- I built a beautiful
fire outside.

- We're coming. We're coming.
- We're going to come.

- It is nice and warm.

- Yes, we're gonna
come experience it.

- Candiace is not trustworthy.

It makes me wonder.
What are you up to?

[whispering]
- we gotta get monique
outta here.

- Like, asap.
- Yes.

- Where's the... okay,
I see marshmallows.

- Look busy. Just look like it.

- Yes, okay.

[laughing]

- get out. Go to the bonfire.

- I don't see any
graham crackers in here.

- I just pray that
the graham crackers

fall into her lap.

- Girl, get your
graham crackers and get out.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- What's going on?
- How are you?

- Oh, so, she's invited
to the conversation?

- But... mind your business.

- But I can't be
a part of... oh, oh.

- It might have something
to do with you.

We might be planning
a surprise or something.

- Oh, oh, oh.
- Right.

- Just close the door.

- Go on about your business.

- Yes.

I mean, she's a stalker.
- She-she is.

- And you can tell her
I said it.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- Be a little helpful.

- This is serious business.
- What's crackin'?

- Candiace shared some
information with me

out of respect for you.

- Okay.

- Because she respects
y'all's relationship

and where y'all are, right now.

- Okay.

- And I want us to stay
in this good place.

- Yes.
- Okay.

Okay, let's get to it.
What is it?

- Okay, yes.
- Okay.

Today, candiace received
a very strange text

from one of her friends...
- Okay.

- Who works at a strip club.

- Okay.

- And last night, michael
was at said strip club.

- Okay.

- And... Let's just look at
the... at the texts.

Can we see the text? - Okay.

- Okay, okay.
- Okay.

- Um, okay. So, you...

It starts right there,
and you can just go...

Scroll down. - Okay.

"he was in there
to several strippers." okay.

"I got her to pretend
she was taking a selfie

"and take his pic.

"he was talking about he has
a boyfriend and a wife."

"he was asking who he can
take to a hotel nearby."

♪♪

- they need to come on.

- I just don't want them
to miss out on this.

- Today, candiace received
a very strange text

from one of her friends.

- It starts right there,
and you can just go...

Scroll down. - Okay.

What?

"he has a boyfriend and a wife.

"he was asking who he can take
to a hotel nearby."

what?

So, this person
is a credible source?

- Yes, this is a friend of mine
who I've known for years.

- Okay.

- And we didn't want you
going home

and not knowing this
'cause it's kinda like,

you know, if he did not
tell the truth,

if he wasn't honest with you,

you need to know. - Right.

As far as I know,
everything is well,

so that's why it's, like,
a little, you know...

- Yeah.
- I'm-I'm shocked and...

- I know you ask, like,
direct questions,

but do you ask, like,
indirect questions?

- I don't just ask questions,
candiace.

I read emails, text messages.

I sniff underwear, everything.

[laughing]

I swear to god.

- You've never said that
before, ever.

- I have, since I've met him.

- That you were super sleuth.

- Yes.

You know, one time,
he did come home

smelling like perfume,
and I was upset.

- Oh.
- Hmm.

- And he was like, "I'm sorry.

"I was at the strip club,"

and this was
when I was pregnant,

and I was very sensitive.
- Mm-hmm.

- And I was like,
"please don't do that."

- mm-hmm.

- So, he stopped going
to strip clubs

while I was pregnant.

- This is, like, recent.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- So, I will take
this information.

- Okay.

- I hear what you're saying.

- Yeah.
- Yes.

- I will... I will talk
to my husband about it.

I will get to the bottom of it

and see if there's
some truth to it.

- Yes.

- And you don't even have
to report back to me.

I don't even need to know.
- Right.

You don't have to report back.

We're not reporting
to the group.

- I just... I'm not telling
the gro anything.

- Yes.

- This doesn't feel like
a shock to her.

Are you used to it? Like, is...

This is what y'all do?
Like, what?

That's-that's what
it makes me think.

- And them hoes outside
at the fire pit,

they don't need to know.
- Yeah, no.

[laughing] - okay.

- Yes.

- All right.

- Okay, and your girl
has your back.

- I appreciate that
a lot, candiace.

- Yes.

- Given our history
and everything.

- Yeah.

- And the fact that you decided
approach this, this way,

like, I really have
a lot respect for you.

- Thank you.

Well, I have a lot
of respect for you.

- I'm so glad we've-
we've grown.

- Thank you. We have.
- Yeah.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

- Thank you.

Candiace knows that
I am a new mom

and the things that I'm going
through with postpartum

and with my marriage.

Are we going down
to the fire pit?

- Yes. Okay, I'll walk around.

- So, I do think
her intentions are good.

Ultimately, I do.

- Wendy, don't take
this the wrong way.

- Yeah.

- I thought you were
older than me.

It's not looks, obviously,
'cause black don't crack.

- I know what...
I know what you're sayin'.

- It's your maturity level.

- Really?
- It's your acc-

accomplishments.
- I get that often.

[cork pops] - cheers.

[laughing] - cheers.

- Monique said that by the fire
it's, like, really, warm.

- Yeah, that makes sense.

- Whoo! It's cold!

- Oh, y'all decided
to join us, now.

- Oh, monique,
stop being jealous.

- After we've been slaving
over this fire,

gettin' it nice and warm.
- Is this safe? Is this safe?

- And gizelle? Gizelle?

- Yes.
- You left your girl out.

- Who?
- Robyn.

- Robyn is grown, now.

- What you mean,
you left your girl out?

- She can... she...
- Now? I'm grown, now?

- No, I mean grown. Period.

- Come on, robyn.
Come on, now. Come on.

- She's grown, now.

- We were planning
something for monique,

if y'all really wanna know.

- Oh, y'all are planning
something for me?

What y'all planning for me?

[laughing]

don't play me like a fool,

especially not in my house.

- That's empty.
- Oh.

- Are you the birthday girl?

- Y'all ass...
Y'all ass are dry.

[laughing]

- you gotta get over
on this side.

- I'm gonna burn
my eyebrows off.

This is some bull.

I think I got it, y'all.

- You got it.
- This is too much work.

- Oh, that's good.
Monique got it.

- Well, guys, I've got get up
very early in the morning,

and I gotta get to new york
for my literary award.

So, I'm gonna say good night.

- Good luck.
- Thank you.

- All right.

I'm gonna walk her back
since it's totally dark.

- All right.
- Okay.

- Good night.
- Good night, y'all.

- Good night.

- How long are we sitting
out here for?

- Thank you.
- How long do you want to?

- Well, you're late.
- I-I've gotta go.

- I'm a little tired but...
- She has a baby, too.

- Dean just wokup
as I was comin' out.

- Let's boogie.

- I'm going to bed.

- Good night.

- That was fun.

- I wonder if monique
likes pictures.

I've been trying
to figure that out.

[laughing]

- oh, y'all are really
going to bed?

- I'm not. I'm not.

[snoring]

- go, robyn!
- Okay, my bad.

- Take a shower.

- I need my hotel slippers.

- Everybody take a shot. Cheers!

- This is for us.

Wait, wait, wait.
How do I do it?

[glasses clink] - boom.

[bell dings]

[bell dings]

- just try it, please.
- No.

- It's cbd. It's not weed.

- (bleep) to no,
to the (bleep) the no.

That ain't happening.

[laughing] - cheers.

- Let me be very clear.

- She's being very clear.
- Mm-hmm.

- I look like this because
I don't (bleep) around.

- Because she said (bleep).

- This is natural.

Just keep gettin'... ed.

[laughing] - you said what?

- Keep gettin'... ed.

- No, but you were talk...
We... well.

- Oh, sh...

- Like, I went to uva in 1981.

It's called splash. One, two...

Yo, karen, what the hell?

- Thanks, karen.
- I'm not... no.

[laughing]

- no, I'm gonna tell you
something.

Being grown at 56,
when you marry

a powerfully success man...
Successful man...

Let me do it again-again,
so you get it right.

When you marry a
powerfully successful man,

let's be very clear.

When you do business,
be legitimate.

- That's right.

- And ray, he put burdens on me

that I don't need to have,

and it is wearing
on our marriage.

You know, I-I held him down.

I put half my money
behind him to save us

after the tax issues.

- I didn't know, uh, that
some of the tax matters

were accumulating like they did.

- Girl, I want my money back.

I need a return.

- But, karen...
- I need a return.

[laughing] I'm proud of myself.

I-I-I woulda left
in a... in' heartbeat.

- Yeah.
- But I'm married to ray.

You know what?

When you are drunk,
you speak your truth,

and I've been praying for it,

and I love the both of you,

that you guys will wake up
and be okay with each other.

Are you really okay
with each other?

- Why are we getting...

I don't want no deep
conversations.

I just wanna, like,
have some shots, and have fun,

and kiki, and all of that,

and then we can save that
for another time.

- I respect. Candiace?

All right. I bow out.

Good. To friendship.

- Cheers.
- Friendship.

- We're toasting to...
- Wise pussies.

[laughing]

[bell dings]

- coming up next...

- This is monique.

No, I'm playin'.

[gasps, laughing] - oh!

♪♪

- In my absence...
- Yeah.

- Hold it down.
- Yeah!

- All right. Bye. Love you.

- Bye.
- New york, here I come.

- You let mommy sleep
a little last night.

Thank you. Aww.

Let's see what daddy is doing.

Okay, take...
We'll come up like this.

You ready? [phone ringing]

this is your moment. Say hi.

Can you see us, honey? Uh-oh.

Oh, my god,
this is really awful.

I cannot wait to go home.

- Hello. Good morning.

- Girl, I don't even know
how you're awake, right now.

Y'all-y'all... I mean,
whoa, watch out. Watch out.

Yeah, hand down. There you go.

[laughing]

y'all shut me down last night.

- Karen, you are a og for real.

- I am an og, and I-I rule.

- Oh, god, I need
some coffee so bad.

- Yeah. Thank you, man.

All right. See you later.

- [indistinct].

Come here. Good boy.

- Monique!

- What's up, big sexy?

- What up? What up? [laughing]

I'm like, where everybody at?

Y'all must have hurt
y'all self last night.

- Look, my butt was in bed.

- Yeah. How ya doin'?
- Hi, baby.

- You good?
- Hi.

- What's for breakfast?
- Uh-huh.

- What's for breakfast?

- How you gonna walk in
with requests?

- Look like everybody
havin' a good time.

- Hi, chris.
- How ya doin'?

- Thank you for allowing us
in your home.

- Oh, no problem.

Hope y'all are
enjoying yourself.

- We are.
- Yes, very much.

- What's up, baby?

I'm starting to under-understand

t'challa's language.

He makes certain chirps
for certain things.

So, when he does this...

- I don't believe all this, man.

- No, I'm telling you.

When he does bap-bap-bap,
he wants me to scratch his neck.

- Monique, bap-bap-bap
doesn't mean scratch my neck.
- I'm telling you!

He-he... it's his language.
He's so smart.

Yeah. Say, 'hi, daddy."
who's that?

- Got a hair on you,
right there.

What the hell.
He done bit at me.

- He said, "don't touch her.

"she's mine." that's not nice.

- All right. So, what's up?

Every-every...
How everybody doin'?

Like, everybody gettin'
along, havin' fun?

- Oh. We were up 'til,
like, 3 somethin'.

- Oh, really?
- Yes.

I'm not young anymore.

Like, I just can't go non-stop.

- Oh, you are young.

- No, no, I'll be 36 tomorrow.

- I know.

- So, everybody is comin' out.

All the guys are comin' out
except for michael.

- Well, maybe I'll reach out
to him and call him

and check on him.
- Yeah, hit him up.

Hit him up. - Yeah.

[birds chirping]

- good morning!

Oh, it's just you all. Hi.

- Hi.
- What up?

- What's up, girlie?

- Hope you're havin'
a good time out here.

- Good morning. I am. I am.

- It's good-good to see ya.

- Country living.
- Yeah.

- She don't... they don't
like being put to work.

[ughing] - un-uh.

- Oh, yeah, 'cause you're
from baltimore, right?

- Right. [laughing]

- so, you ain't used
to this type stuff.

- Yeah, I don't do this.

- This co... this alabama
style, right re.

- Yes.
- I don't do this.

- So, juan comin'?
- No.

They have a, um... he's got
a football game to coach.

- What's up? Good morning.

- Hey, baby.

- Good morning.

- Do we have... ooh, I see it.

- Everything bagel.

- Look at the beautiful
little baby.

- Little pumpkin man.
- Yeah, he's definitely sleepy.

- Yeah.
- Aww.

Oh, he's ready to eat. - Yeah.

- Want me to feed him?

- Eve's gonna put him
to sleep, too.

- Oh, okay, cool.
- Yeah.

- Somebody can sit here.
I'm going to go sit
in here and kick it.

- So, gizelle is gone?
She headed on out?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I figured we missed her.

- Yeah.

- Was she nervous or anything?
Like, any...

- Oh, she's excited.
- She was.

- Right.

You know, like, last night
with the fire pit.

We're sittin' outside waiting,
and y'all sat in here

for, like, a whole hour

while we're sittin' out there,

talkin' about
whatever y'all talkin' about.

- Okay. Can...

- I don't disrespect people
in that way when I go on the...

On-on y'all trips.
- Let me just tell you.

That conversation last night,
so candiace...

- I'm gonna... well, but I want
you to know that it was...

- the whole issue
is just tell me, like,

we just needed to have
a private talk.

- Okay. So, what happened,
candiace was very respectful.

She was woman enough
to come to me last night.

Her friend had sent her
this information

about michael's whereabouts

and what he was allegedly
doing on Thursday night.

- Haven't we been down
this road before?

Like, when are we gonna
wake up and realize

that certain roads
aren't good to go down

and just leave it alone?

- What are you talking about?

- I mean, this is, like,
literally deja vu of last year.

We saw that that didn't work,
and then we do it, again.

- What didn't work?
Well, we're not,

which is why I wanted to have
the conversation privately.

I apologize if you feel like
we were sequestering ourselves.

And I told you... [clears throat]

I told you last night,
and I'll say it, again.

Whatever the conclusion is,
is your business.

- We all hear things
all the time.

It doesn't need to be always
just put out there.

Like, I'm sick of people
attacking marriages.

Like, leave people's
marriages alone.

There is a pattern
that I notice with candiace.

You were being messy
when you invited charrisse

to your anniversary party.

- You got it goin' on.
- I tried.

- I'm lovin' it.

- Who was clearly comin' after
my family and my marriage.

- The word on the street is,

monique and her trainer

were a wee bit too close
for comfort,

and big boy found out,
and charrisse has told people.

When did candiace
and charrisse become cool?

- I have no-no idea.
- A.... B.,

why would she do that to you?

- Stay out of
people's marriages.

Mind your own.

- I don't think anyone
should come down on candiace

for bringing it up,
for talking about it.

When people receive
information like that,

sometimes it can be stressful,

and it's an
uncomfortable position

for the messenger
or the receiver to be in.

- And she could've been shady,
and she chose not to.

- Let's not go down to the road

of why are we talking about it.

- I think, in this situation,
candiace was sincere,

but monique doesn't
want people to be

gossiping about people

because she don't want
people to gossip

about her own marriage.

- Coming up next...

- What are you
talking about, robyn?

Your delivery sucks.

And I'll say it, again.

Whatever the conclusion is,
is your business.

- If you want to soldier
for michael, I got you.

And I don't want to know more
unless you want to talk to me.

- Okay?
- Okay.

- All right. We're good.
- Thank you.

- And I need to take a bath.

- Take a bath, girl.

- And I love you guys,
but ray is comin',

and my cootchie stinks.

[laughing] - oh!

♪♪

[knocking]

- what up?
- Hey, what's goin' on, man?

- You doin' all right?
- I'm good. How are you?

- Come on in.
- Yeah, I appreciate it.

- Look what I done found.

- Hey, baby!

- How are you?

- Y'all do your thing.
I'ma feed him.

- Okay. I love you.

- Hi!
- How are you?

Oh, hey, chris. What's goin' on?

- Chillin'.

- How-how you doin'?
- Hey.

- You're not dressed today?

- I was cold.

- What's goin' on, man?
- Chillin'.

- Chile, y'all have
worn me out this weekend.

- Oh, no.

- Last night, after
we went to the fire pit,

we went downstairs to the bar.

We came down there
with a bottle of fireball.

- Uh-huh.

- When the night was over,
the bottle is done.

- Oh, sh... Was karen drunk?

- Chile...

[laughing] baby!

- How are you doin'?

- Aww, I missed you. Aww.
- Did you really, now?

- I really did.
- Aww.

It's good to see you.
- I love you.

- You're still in
one piece, huh?

- I'm still in one piece.
- All right, now.

- You got your
mr. Rogers outfit on.

Let me ask you this, eddie.

Is wendy good at apologizing
when she's wrong?

- No.

- Okay, that's good to know.

- She's never wrong, though.
Boom. You see...

You see how I brought it?

- Oh, yeah. Uh-huh.
You went full circle. Oh!

- See how I... see how
I came back around?

Yeah, you saw it.

♪♪

- while I really would like
to hang out with everybody,

I'm feeling
a little bit anxious.

Last year was a really
trying time for our marriage,

and this text message
and these rumors...

I don't want that to be a thing.

- Hey, hey.
- Hi, there.

- Good to see you.
- You look so nice.

- Well, thank you. Thank you.

- Nice sweater action.
- Appreciate it.

- Yeah.
- How's it goin', man?

- What's up, man? How ya been?
- Good, good. How are you?

- Good to see you, again.
What'd I miss out here?

- It was good.
- It was good.

- Yeah.

- Ahh, shoot.

- Wait a minute.
- Chris! Hey.

- Hi, karen.

How are you? Good to see you.

- Fine. How are you?
- Good to see you, again.

- Good to see you.

- Hey, karen.

- Did you get somethin'
to drink yet?

- Yeah, I think it
had alcohol in it.

- Oh, yeah.
I-I need one of those.

- We should-I should show...

I should show you where it's at.

- Yeah, please do.

- What are you
talking about, robyn?

- Y'all want a danish?

- Ooh.
- You made this?

- I didn't make 'em by scratch.

I just put 'em in the oven
and put some icing on 'em.

[laughing] - thank you.

- They're really, really good.

- All right.
Let them do what they do.

We got man time in here.

- That's right, man time.

- Got some good football on tv.

Got some alcohol.

- What y'all down here
talkin' about?

- Our kiki moment last night.

- It was girl power.

- Oh, my god.
- Yes, it was fun.

- I would like a-a bonfire
in my backyard, now.

- Same.
- Oh, yeah.

- That is so cool.
- I love it.

- And that's why
I was so adamant

about the firepit situation.

Like, when I had somethin'
planned and laid out...

- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

- Give me the same courtesy
that I give

when we go on group retreats,

and-and things are
planned and laid out.

- And I-I hear you,
and, for the most part,

this whole weekend,
we have followed your lead.

- For the most part
but not all the part.

- I did apologize to you
for pulling some of the group

away from a special moment
that you wanted to have.

- I just didn't
like being lied to.

- But this was
a special circumstance.

It was handled,
and we came down.

- It just could've been...

It just could've been
a heads up.

- And we came down.

- That's all I was asking for
was a heads up.

- We-we weren't going
to give up a heads up.

- That's not...
That's not that hard.

- Because it wasn't
anybody else's business.

- I'm gonna see my husband.

- Mm-hmm.

- And y'all didn't
spend ten minutes.

- I know he's here by now.
- It was over an hour.

What type of person
do y'all think I am?

- The kind that's going...
- Where I'm gonna say,

"what is it that you're
gonna talk about?"

- that's what you would've done.

- No, that's not
what I would've done.

- That is what you
would've done.

- If you think that
I would've donehat,

then you know nothin'
about me at all.

- Well, monique,
you're-you're doing it,

right now. - No, I'm not.

- You're-you're
making it a big deal.

- I don't... I just said
that it's not a bg eal

about what y'all
were talking about.

- I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm not
arguing with you.

- But you can give the
consideration of saying,

"hey, this is the heads up."
- I'm not arguing with you.

I'm not arguing.
- "we got somethin' that we"...

That's fine. - You wanna fight?

Fight by yourself.

- You're literally sittin' here
making a bigger deal

out of somethin'.

All I said was,
give me consideration.

- You're making a big deal!
- Candiace!

- You keep talking about it,
and it's not a big deal.

- You don't know how to...

You don't know how to
consir other people.

- Candiace!
Candiace, come sit down!

- Everything is about what
she wants to do on her terms.

- No, monique...
- Candiace!

But candiace said she was sorry.

- No, it's-it's about
being considerate.

- But she said she was sorry.

- It's about being considerate.

- But she said sorry.

- But, monique,
can you take a step back?

- Monique...
- And, like,

you're honestly trying to...
It-it sounds like

you want to control everything
that took place here.

- No.
- The situation.

- Okay, so, if you...
- But not just that.

But not just that.
But not just that.

- That was... that...
This is not a battle

that's even worth
wasting your oxygen on.

- No, no, no.
- It's really not.

- Are you directing
the same anger

and energy towards ashley?
- And gizelle, right.

- I feel like this is
cmpletely directed

towards one person
when there was three people

who took place in it.
- She just said that...

She... I did.

Gizelle ain't here for me
to direct it at her,

and I sat there and told
ashley the same thing

when we were in the kitchen.

- But the delivery
wasn't like this, monique.

You have to admit.

- I think they were... they
were very hurt for ashley

and... - yeah, whatever.

[laughing] okay.

- So, you don't think that
candiace was coming from

a genuine place?

- Y'all want some danishes?
- I do not.

No, thank you. - Chile.

- Well, I'll head upstairs.

- What gizelle, candiace,
and ashley were talking about

had nothing to do with her.

That girl is livid and lit

over some damn firepit
and s'mores.

And it makes you wonder...

What the hell else is
going to make this girl

batsh... crazy?

She's a control freak.

- I think that it bothered her

because candiace was involved.

There's underlying issues
between them

that has yet to be resolved.

♪♪

- kinda weird and I actually
don't blame candiace

for walking away from that sh...

'cause I was ready to
walk away from that sh...

- Your hoes got some energy.

- Coming up next...

- Girl, I had at least 40 dms.

[groaning]

- we got pictures of him
in a hotel with his boxers.

♪♪

♪♪ - now, the nominees
for best fiction are...

- Eric jerome dickey,
"before we were wicked,"

brenda hampton,

"living life like it's golden."

- gizelle bryant, "my word."

[applause]
- and the winner is...

- Gizelle bryant, "my word."

[cheers and applause]

- it's huge irony in the fact
that the first part

of my life with jamal,
divorce and the heartache,

won me an award.

This is, like, a huge honor.

I'm so happy.

I had never planned on
getting back together

with jamal, but I always
say plan your life,

and god will change it for you.

Thank you. Thank you!
I'm so excited!

[applause]

♪♪

- Hey, baby.
- Hey, there she is.

Hey, honey. How ya doin'?

All right. [laughing]

- missed you.
- Yeah.

Hasn't been that long.

♪♪

- I'm gonna start
packin' up soon.

- Robyn, you're good at
comin' up with games.

What can we do?

- Uh, charades. [laughing]

- how about my wife
wants me to get snipped.

- Want you to get snipped.

- And I... I've been hearin' that

you're thinkin' about
gettin' snipped, too, right?

- I'm-I'm contemplatin'
the idea. Yeah.

You know, you-you still nut.

I went to the...
I had my appointment,

like, a few weeks ago.

- Can your eyes still jerk
when you nut?

My toes pop sometimes
on a good one.

- You lettin' off a good one.

- But other than that, brah,

if that's gonna mess
all of my toe poppin'

and my eyes twitchin',
I don't know, man.

- What if he assured you?

What if he says, "chris,
it's no problem?"

- ninety-nine
point nine percent.

Your toes gonna curl
the same way.

Your eyes are gonna twitch.

You may even pick up
new mannerisms.

- If she can promise me
anytime I want her to,

you know, give me some,
and she can commit to that,

yeah, but that's bullsh...
That ain't gonna happen.

No. - There you go.

- He said... he's like,
"I'm gonna set...

I'm gonna set
the standard so high."

hilarious. [laughing]

- look who I found.
- Hey.

- Hey, what's up, baby?

- Hey, chris, how ya doin'?
- Thank you, brother.

- A gift for the samuels.
- Appreciate it.

A whole year or somethin',
you know?

- Good to see you, man.
- How ya doin', man?

- I'm good. How are you?

- Hi.

- Okay, the only thing
I can hear

is chris samuels' voice,
right now.

- Oh, you haven't met dean,
baby dean.

- Oh, okay.
- Eve.

- Hey, baby dean,
give me five, baby.

- Hi, mr. Ray.
- Give me a high five.

There we go. How ya doin'?

[laughing]

- I was upstairs.

- All right. I know.
You're doin' your thing.

- Karen was so excited
you were coming today.

- Yeah, yeah.

- She says she wore her
special outfit for you today.

- Oh, yeah, well, I didn't
even recognize her in this.

Yeah, yeah. - Showed up and out.

- I'm done with monique,

so I really don't have
a good reason in my soul

to stay in her house,

but my husband

and chris samuels
are good friends,

and they don't deserve
monique and I

going back and forth.

So, as I am here,
I'm on my best behavior,

and she won't get me
in her home.

It's not gonna happen.

- Oh, yeah, I think
the food is here.

- Yeah, I need to help her.
She said, "yo."

- you need some help
bringin' sh... in?

- If y'all don't mind.

♪♪

- babe.

- What is this?

Ahh!

- We good?

- Yeah, I think so.

- Listen, let's do the
little happy birthday thing.

- Sauces.

- Cabbage.

- What are the guys doin'?

- All right. What about...
- Oh, my god.

- Oh, you just
kinda blend it in.

- That one goes in, like...

All right. Where do you think
the guys will, like, sit?

- Ooh, you know, right here.

[laughing]
♪ happy birthday to you ♪

- what? Aww.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
[laughing]

- cha-cha-cha.

♪ Happy birthday dear monique ♪

- oh, my god,
y'all are too much.

Really, chris?

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

- aww. [applause]

- yay!
- Thank you.

- Did you guys lose candiace?

- We got into an argument,
so I think she's packing.

- Oh, no.
- No, she's right here.

Hey, guys.

- Hey.
- Oh, oh, oh, okay.

- Good, come on out.

- Thank you.

Aww, thank you, baby.

- Oh, that's gorgeous.

- Oh, don't worry about it.

- Okay.
- It's erroneous.

- Yay. [applause]

- hey, ray.
- Yeah?

[sighs]

hmm?

- Ooh.

- Oh, okay.
- Can we eat?

Y'all know I'm hungry.
Can we eat?

- Yeah, yeah, let's eat.

- Yes, we got food in here.

♪♪

- Are you good?
- Are you okay?

- Did you need to eat?
What's wrong?

- Let me be very clear.

Let's keep gettin'... ed.

♪♪

- I'm happy again 'cause I ate.

- You were gettin' hangry?

- Gosh, they about
to meet wendy.

[laughing]

really, every little thing
about you, you get hangry.

- Wanna sit up here?

- How did you guys
meet each other?

- Great question.
- Uh-huh.

- You wanna tell...
You wanna tell your version,

or you want me to tell mine?

- There are two?

- Oh, she said
arranged marriage.

[laughing] yes, miss robyn.

- Well, being as though
his mama don't like me,

that damn sure ain't the issue.

- That ain't
an arranged marriage.

Yeah, exactly.

- Is there room for monique
to sit down?

- Yes.
- Come on.

- So, we moved to baltimore,

so I've known him
since we were 17,

and then we dated
officially for two years,

got engaged,
was engaged for a year

and married for eight years.

- So, why don't his mom
like you?

- Well, his mom
don't like my mom.

- There's a lotta
people like me.

- My mom, like, in a
nigerian community,

my mom is like a female chief.

And so, his mom...
That just added to the fact,

she was like, "I can't...
I can't... I can't"...

- right.
I can't compete with this.

And so she was fightin'-

fightin' for us
not to get married.

- Yeah.

- But did your moms both
come to the wedding?

- Hell no!
- What?

- The current status
of where my family is

with eddie's family,

it all started with
just women bickering.

It just so happens that those
two women who are bickering,

their children wanted
to marry each other.

Eddie's parents not only
did they not support it,

they were then telling
their friends,

"if you attend his wedding,
we will no longer be friends."

they're horrible.

- Wow.
- So, do you all...

- so, how do you deal with that?

- Right.

- Like, do you feel like
you're in the middle?

How do you...
- 'cause this one's mom is...

And so I gotta deal with that.

How do you, like...

- I mean, it's one of
those things.

I haven't spoken to her.

I haven't spoken to her
since the wedding.

They haven't even met...

They haven't met
our-our daughter.

- Never met kamrynn.

- Kamrynn.
- No.

- Our sons, they don't
really know them.

They don't even know
grandma exists.

- No, they don't know 'em.
- So, you don't...

Would you ever
extend some grace?

- It's like she's gotten
a couple opportunities

to come back in and say,
"oh, I made a mistake."

- my mom made a mistake,

but at least she made it
right with monique.

- I'm just telling you
my definition of marriage.

- I guess everybody has
their own definition.

- Didn't I get that
heifer straight?

[laughing]

I wanna show love
to my daughter-in-law,

and, also, I owe her an apology,

what I said,

calling her out her name.
- That's sweet.

- I'll support him 120%.

- And I think that...
- Support him or forgive her?

- Um, I-I will nev...

I-I don't think I can forgive
that because every time...

- Why?
- Oh.

- Every time she...

Because I'm the one
that wiped those tears.

- Oh.

- So, I know what that's like.

- If you can find forgiveness,
if she comes,

take that moment.

- Yeah.
- Right.

- Because it's-it's
forever, guys.

It's-it's no...
You can't get it back.

- But, you know, the bible says

honor thy mother and thy father.

- And thy father.
- That's true.

- Ooh, my mama love that line.

[laughing]

ooh, lord have mercy, god.

- So, can we play a game?

Can we do somethin'
before we head out?

- Sure.

- I'm down for whatever
y'all wanna do.

- We wanna get to know
the guys more.

We wanna learn
your sense of humor.

So, how about you all
imitate your wife?

- Okay.

- And we will judge.

- Oh, that's fun.
- Oh, that's good.

- Yeah, let's go over here.
- Over here, everybody.

Robyn, where we gonna sit?

- Where is your stage?

Everybody sit around the couch.

We're ready.

Uh-oh. - Oh, here you go.

♪♪

- is it time for my tea?

[laughing]

and please bring it up soon.

[laughing]

- "babe, which
outfit do you like?

"you like this one?

"okay, should I wear this one?"

I don't know. You're wearin' it.

"why can't tell me
what you want me to wear?"

[laughing] okay, wear that one.

"I don't like this one."

[laughing]

- all right. Y'all ready?
- We're ready.

- You gotta get over there.
- All right. All right, chris.

- All right.

- Oh, lord, what are you doin'?

- This is monique.

♪♪

No, I'm playin'. [gasps]

[laughing]

♪♪

- oh, my god.

- The first thing for you
to imitate of your wife

when you think of her
is fellatio?

Sir, do better.

- But that was
a good example of us.

[laughing] - oh, my god.

- I don't even know
what to say about that.

- Oh, it's me? It's my turn?

- Yes, your turn.

- Oh, jesus.
- Your turn.

All right.

[laughing]

- hello. I'm candiace.

I am miss united states.
Hello, hello.

[laughing]
I am so kind and pleasant.

Thank you. Hold on.

This is a switch right here.

Let me just hit
that switch real quick.

- Okay, different person.

- Get out my house!

What are you doin'?
Get out of my house!

Bitch, get out!

[laughing]

ooh. Was that good?

- I'll give you that.
- Oh, okay.

- That was very good.

- There's no in between...
No in between.

- Switch flip. [laughing]

- coming up next...

♪♪

Can I talk to you for a second?

- Y'all gettin' ready to go?

- I'm ready.

It's been real out in newburg.

- I'll get you
a piece of cake, ray.

Then I'll pack up my things.

- Can you help me
bring my bag down?

- This very minute.

- Oh, okay.

I'll be right back.

- Okay, brother.

- Thank you so much.

- Bye, wendy.

- All right.

- That was...
- Y'all be safe.

- It was good seeing you.
- Travel safely.

- Definitely will.
- Great seeing you.

- Okay, baby, take care.

- Good seeing you, as well...
As well.

- Good seeing you, too, brother.

- I can't wait to go to sleep.

- Goodbye, monique.

- Look at y'all.
Y'all are ready.

- Happy birthday.

- Thank you so much for coming.

- Well, we can go say bye.

- Okay.

- We'll say our goodbyes.

- I like eddie a lot.
I said, listen man

you know, the women have got
their-their good friends.

And I said,
when they deal with us,

we're men, and as long...

Don't be yawnin'
when I'm talkin'.

- I'm tired, baby.
It's not... it's not you.

- Okay, you're gonna listen.

You're gonna listen.
- I am listening.

- There's the samuels.

- Yes.
- Hey.

- Hi.

We're about to head out.

- Yes.
- Aww.

- Can you actually hold him
while we, um,

take our stuff down
a little bit?

- Of course, yes.
- Thank you.

- I love... oh, my god, yes.
- This is nice.

- Oh, no.

- We can practice.

[laughing]

- hi, we have a few bags
we need some help with.

- Sure.

- I'm really excited to get home

and address this rumor.

I just need a little bit
of reassurance from him

that there is nothing to this.

Get a good face to face
confirmation.

- His eyes are so pretty.

- Yeah, [indistinct].
- Yes.

- Okay, we ready?

- All right, girl.

- All righty, babes,
we'll see you later.

- All right. Drive safe.
- Thank you.

I will.

- Yeah, tell him we said hello.

Tell 'em we missed him.
- I will. Let's go see daddy.

Away we go.

Bye, girl. - [indistinct].

- Good to see you, too.

Tell juan we said we missed him.

- I know.

- We're gonna head out, guys.

- Monique,
you done went to sleep.

- Right.

I don't know where chris went,

but I don't wanna wake her up.

- Good, yeah.
- Thank you.

- All right. I'll see you later.

Yeah, enjoyed it. Yeah.

- Thank you.

[tape rewinding]
thank you. Thank you.

- Y'all will work it out.

- Or not.

It's definitely weird to me
that monique samuels,

the queen of decorum,

all of a sudden
has passed the hell out.

You're just asleep
all of a sudden?

Okay, sure.

♪♪

♪♪

- my baby is out like a light,

but I can hear you
breathing back there.

[phone ringing]

- hello.
- Hi, sweetheart.

- Can I talk to you
for a second?

- Well, tink and I were
just calling to check in.

[chuckles]

- okay, honey, I-I understand.

You didn't have to repeat it.

I heard ya the first time
loud and clearly.

- But-but you're checking in
to see what I'm doin'.

I'm-I'm still doing the
same thing I was doing
two seconds ago.

- Honey, please don't
say it again. I got it.

- Okay.

- I'm sorry, honey.

- When I got home from
monique's lake house,

michael and I talked
about the issue

that candiace brought up,

and he told me that,

you know, he was
at the strip club,

and this one woman kept
really touching him,

was, like, leaning on him,

and being very touchy-feely.

He didn't tell me
the full story.

He just told me it was
something that he regrets,

that he shouldn't have done,
that he feels bad for.

I was very, very, very upset.

It got very heated,
so we stopped,

and michael slept
in the baby's room,

and I slept in the bedroom.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[phone ringing]

- ugh!

- This is the worst.

We got pictures of him in
a hotel with his boxers.

- Michael, everybody in the
dc area knows who you are,

and everybody got a camera.

You're gon' get busted, honey,

busted wide open.

- Oh, lord, we've
come such a long way.

Michael doin' somethin',

but it don't look like
it's ashley.

- In the big scheme of it all,

the only person that
matters, right now,

is baby dean.

- Keep your dick in your pants

and go home to your wife.

- Oh, michael darby, I cannot.

♪♪

- next time, on
"the real housewives
of potomac"...

- I just want you to go
straight through the target.

- Oh.

- And then, mr. Kruz,
you can make your punches.

- Child, if he hit
my baby one more time,

I'm about to jump
over this rail.

- I really need for these
"not for lazy moms" podcasts

to really, like, be a hit.

I've spent close to $200,000.

- Good lord.

- I have settled on officially
being done with monique.

- Candiace dropped out

from bein' a part
of the live podcast.

She's so darn unprofessional.

That's pretty much
the last straw for me.

- Candiace brings
this text to me

saying that you were
saying things about

how you have a boyfriend
and a wife.

- No, no.
- Was there any truth to that?

- But something happened
at the casino.

[sighs]

- michael and I have
been in situations

where we've been
with other people before.

- Wow.

- Like with?

- Your hand is in my face!
- Your hand in my face.

[overlapping shouting]

- uh-uh! Uh-uh! No!

- Hey! Hey!

[glass shattering,
overlapping shouting]

- stop!
- Monique!