The Ms. Pat Show (2021–…): Season 3, Episode 9 - The Ms. Pat Show - full transcript

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- "The Ms. Pat Show" was
filmed

in front of a live
studio audience.

[cheers and applause]

- Loving the person you love
is easy,

but liking they ass is hard
as hell.

I truly believe when the bible
said, "Love thy enemies,"

that was actually
fuckin' marriage advice.

Being married is hard.

It's like having
a full-time job

with no damn pay.

But like they say,
"Do what you love



and it won't feel like work."

Well, whoever
that bitch "they" is lied,

and they need
their entire ass beat.

Now don't get me wrong, y'all.

I love my husband.

But he working me harder

than a African Egyptian Hebrew
Alabama Baptist slave.

- I'm telling you,
the only job she working

making that kind of money
is the kind

that keep her legs spread wider
than the Mississippi River.

- [laughs] Girl!

I thought I was gonna miss out
on all the tea

by not going to the salon,

but you messy as hell
all by yourself.



- Aww,
I really appreciate that.

- You welcome.
- Good morning, Denise.

Morning, Pat.
- Hm?

- This ain't your wife, Terry.

This is my client, Porsha.

You should be able to tell
'cause Porsha got edges.

- Aww.
- Oh, my bad.

What you said your name
was again, Mercedes?

- Porsha.

Girl, what the hell is wrong
with him?

- I knew it was a German car.

- That ain't no milk, Terry.
- Hm?

- Milk is the color
of your neighbors, white.

- [laughs]

- You could've
just said it looked

like your taste in men.

- Oop!

- Grabbed OJ by mistake.

- Well, one thing you don't
wanna grab by mistake, it's OJ.

[laughs]
- Mm-hmm.

- Well, chile, Terry been
grabbing a lot of stuff

by mistake lately--

OJ, other women titties.

- Um, should I leave?

- Leave?
Girl, you about to get

the best show of your life.

- How many times
I gotta apologize, Pat, huh?

Before you forgive me?

- Try just one more time.

- Baby, I'm truly sorry.

- Yeah, that shit didn't do
nothing for me.

You been texting that bitch,
Michelle, all last night.

- I wasn't texting no Michelle.

- Girl, who is Michelle?

- Michelle
this home-wrecking ho

trying to play
with Terry's nuts.

- Quit stirring the pot,
Denise, damn.

And keep my nuts
out your mouth.

- Oh, that's right,

'cause the only person
who have your nuts

in they mouth is Michelle.

- Ugh.
I really wished I could've

missed that conversation.

- I'm so glad I'm going
to Miami this week

so I can get away
from his goofy ass.

- For real? We going to Miami?

Home to "Scarface"
and the biggest,

tannest butts in America?

- Aw, heck yeah.

I'ma be on that beach
the whole time.

Sun's out, guns out.

- [scoffs] Yeah, water guns.

Ooh, that means I get to go
to the African-American

Research Library
and Culture Center.

- Janelle, you--
you break my heart sometimes.

- 'Scuse me.
I'm going to Miami.

Y'all can go to hell
or Indiana Beach,

whatever which one
is cheaper, okay?

I'm going for some me time.

- Seems like it's always been
"you time" lately.

- Junebug,
don't nobody say nothing

when you in the bathroom
with your me time.

You think I don't know
what the fuck

you be doing in there, Junebug?

I don't knock on the door,
do I?

'Cause I don't want
nothing to fall.

- Girl, not her dragging her
own son for beating his meat.

Chile, I'm getting
my hair done here every week!

- I told you, girl.

This is better than "Power,"

"Pussy Valley,"
"Game of Thrones,"

all that bullshit.
- Mm-hmm.

- I like to call it "Game
of Mentally Challenged Niggas."

- [laughs]

- ♪ Come on, it's time to go ♪

♪ It's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪

- Well, that's one way
to do it.

Too bad Terry's crippled ass
couldn't help you.

- Now that you mention it,

he didn't even offer.

He just up there spaced out.

- Mm, you know, Pat, I'm sure
he's in a lil' bit of pain,

but I think that Terry might be
getting in a little too deep

with them pills.

It's a real easy slope
to slip on.

Take it from me,
the slip 'n' slide champ.

- You really think
Terry's hooked on drugs?

I mean, his uptight ass ain't
even ever smoked weed before.

I'm telling you,
he only acting like this, girl,

because he was too friendly
with that ho on keto.

- Who got her ass beat though,
didn't she?

[both laugh]

All right, I mean,
you want me to stay out of it.

But you sure, though?

Because yesterday, Pat,
he fell asleep facedown

on the 'frigerator shelf
trying to make a decision

between a apple and a hot dog.

- When he woke up,
what did he choose?

- The hot dog.

- Girl, he a'ight then.

- I don't know, Pat.
The man just seems off.

Take it from me,
a former drug user--

- And take it from me,
a former drug dealer,

okay, I know
when a man is hooked.

Now get out of my head.
I gotta go to Miami.

And I need to get my ass
to the airport.

- All right.
I'm just saying,

go check on the man
and make sure

he ain't got no opioid spirit,

'cause I'm telling you, Pat,

he be--he be writhing

and scratching and itching
and shit.

- Hey, Terry?
- Yeah?

- Denise got
this crazy-ass idea

I need to check on you
to see if you good.

You good?
- I'm good.

- Okay, good. So bye.
See you next week.

- All right.

[sucks teeth]

No, no, no, no, no!

Son of a--
that was the last one!

Come on, man. Come on.

Ouch.
[grunts]

Damn...pipe!

Oh! Ah!
- Dad!

Dad!
- Uh, hey, y'all.

[laughing] Hey.
I'm good.

You know, it's just a leak,
that's all.

I got everything
under control now, though.

Yeah.

Y'all can go back downstairs.

I can fix this.

[panting]

Ooh, yeah.

Whew.

[panting]

[sighs]

- Okay, feel the burn.
Yeah.

♪ Cinderella dressed
in yellow ♪

♪ Went upstairs
and kissed a fella ♪

♪ Made a mistake,
kissed a snake ♪

♪ How many doctors
did it take? ♪

♪ One, two, three,
four, five, six ♪

- Brandon!

- What are you doing?

- Oh, trying to get swole.

I got a new plan
to get Internet famous.

I'ma become Teacher Bae.

- Who is Teacher Bae?

- Oh, she's this teacher
that got really famous

'cause she was fine--

like, "save to bookmarks" fine.

- Exactly.
See, I'ma start doing

two-a-days so I can get my
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson on,

start wearing
a super tight polo to school

so all the kids
in my video game club can

start posting thirst traps
of me online.

- I can't imagine a scenario

where this doesn't end
in an arrest.

- Well, do you have a cute,

marketable name
like Teacher Bae?

- Of course I do.

I'ma be Coach Cater to You
and Your Kids.

- Yeah, you definitely
going to jail.

Have you seen Mom yet?

We're trying to find her
to talk about Dad.

- Yeah, we saw him rip
some pipes out of the wall

to get a pill.
It was scary.

[door opens]
- Wait, what do you mean?

Like, you don't think he's--

- Addicted. Mm-hmm.

I knew that shit.

♪ That motherfucker
is addicted ♪

♪ That motherfucker is a-- ♪

Okay, well, I mean.

You know, the celebratory dance
was just 'cause I'm right.

I am sorry about y'all
junkie-ass daddy.

- All right, so what do we do?

- What we need to do

is pop your pop
off a intervention.

- You really think
that's gonna work?

- I had one.

Shit, I had four.

And they worked for me
every time.

- Denise is right.

I mean, he's only been
taking the pills

for a few weeks, right?

I mean, if we catch him early,

maybe we can stop him
before it's too late.

- Yeah, I'm all for that.

Let's just nick this
up the butt.

- It's not "nick this
up the butt," Junebug.

It's "nip this in the bud."

- Well, what does
"nip this in the bud" mean?

- Well, what does
"nick this up the butt" mean?

- I don't know.

- All right, look, your dad
has always been there for me,

even at my lowest point.

- Which one?
- Shut up.

This is my chance
to pay him back.

I can't wait
to be Terry's hero.

Oh, y'all!

Somebody should play "Hero"

while I'm giving my speech
at the intervention.

Can't you see it?
- No.

- ♪ There's a hero ♪

We love you, Terry.

♪ If you look
inside your heart ♪

You's important.

♪ There's no need to be ♪

Come on, back me up.

both: ♪ Afraid ♪

- ♪ Of what you are ♪

- There it is, uh-huh.

- ♪ There's an answer ♪

- We just want you to know

that you can do it.
- ♪ If you reach into ♪

♪ Your soul ♪
- You ca--

okay, what the fuck
is going on here?

Ain't nobody coming
to see you, Otis.

- Anyway, shouldn't
we at least talk to Mom

before we talk to Dad?

- Well, when will that be?

Mom's never home these days.

- Tough, but fair.
- Okay, look,

Mom and Dad already have
too much tension

between them as it is.

Let's just handle one drama
at a time.

- Yeah.
Plus, it'll show her

that we can handle ourselves
while she's out on tour.

- Okay, bet,

and since I'm the only
intervention alum here,

I'm gonna emcee the shit,
and y'all just follow my lead.

- A'ight, cool.
I'll be right in.

I got a few more workouts
to do.

[strained] One, two, three--

- You ain't even movin'.

What kind of workout is this?

- Kegels.

- You ain't got no pussy,
Brandon!

- Hey, family, problem solved.

I fixed the sink.

Why y'all change my living room
furniture around?

- Daddy, we need to talk.

- Yeah.
Have a seat, Dad.

- We love you, Dad.
It's gonna be okay.

[choking up] We just don't want
you sucking dick for no money.

- What?

Denise, what in God's name
is going on here?

- Terry Carson,
welcome to your intervention.

- Oh, for crying out loud.
- Oh, uh-uh.

Come on, Dad.
- Move, Junebug.

What you doing, boy?

[all yelling]
- ♪ There's a hero ♪

- Aah! My knee!

- ♪ If you look
inside your heart ♪

Terry, we love you.
[continues singing]

- Junebug,
why you so heavy, boy?

What, you been eating rocks
or something?

- [grunting]
- ♪ Of who you are ♪

- Get off me.
I'ma kill all--I'ma kill--

- All right, okay.
Just chill out, T.

Okay?
Now whether you see it or not,

you need this.

[all panting]
And you was there for me

when I was struggling
with all my demons,

and I'm gonna be here to help
you beat the shit out of yours.

- Oh, I'm about to beat
some demons all right.

Somebody better start
talking around here.

- O-okay.

Well, before I start,

I'd like to play a slideshow

of all of our special
family moments...

- No.
- That Facebook did for me.

- Yeah.
- Come on.

- Daddy,
just watch the video, okay?

So you know how much
we all love you.

- Oh, so you wanna play
with a real one?

Okay, you want a real bitch?
- Oh.

Oh, God.

Oh!
- Come on!

God!
- Ugh!

Oh!
- Turn it off!

- I'm trying. The battery's--
- Turn it down, please.

- Drop it low.
I'm--I'm--

All right. Okay.
Sorry, y'all.

That was the wrong video.

- Well, who was that for?

- That was for my pastor.

- Hey, hey, Denise.
Nobody wanna see that mess.

And I don't need any help.
Let me loose!

- Okay, kids,
would you like to start?

- Okay, all right.

Look, Dad, seeing you upstairs,

desperate for your last pill
like that,

it really--it freaked me out.

- I'm sorry you had
to see all that, baby girl.

That was in a moment
of weakness, huh?

My--my knees were acting up.

- Ohh, T.

Now you might've started
them lil' pills

to heal
your crooked-ass knee...

but whatever you're trying
to fix with 'em now, T,

I promise you, drugs ain't
gonna heal that shit!

- Yes.
- Ain't no drugs, Denise.

Okay, now look, the doctor
prescribed me pain medication.

It's legal, woman, all right?

I could quit anytime I want.

- "Quit anytime I want to."
Okay.

That's the--
that's the first line

out the junkie handbook.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.

Look, look, look, look, look,
look, look, look, look, look.

If y'all concerned
about addiction,

y'all need to be looking
at your mama.

- [groans]
You can't be addicted

to fast food, Dad.

- Well, actually--
- That's not the point.

- That woman is addicted
to her career, her phone.

- Okay, that's not nottrue.

- Look, ever since
she blowing up,

we-where she been, huh?
Matter of fact,

where she at right now, huh?

- She's working.

- Working?
[chuckles]

Working on everything else
but this family.

Brandon got kids having
they mama to buy his pornos.

Junebug had a pregnancy scare.

- And let's not forget
about Janelle sending

her titty pics
all over creation.

[laughs] 'Cause that one was--

- Wait a minute. Excuse me?
- [clears throat]

Ah, he didn't know
about that one, did he?

- Die!
- Aah!

- Oh, my God.

- ♪ There's a hero ♪

♪ If you look ♪
- Denise!

- ♪ Inside your heart ♪
- Uncuff me!

- [continues singing]
- Move out the way.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

- [sighs] Hey, Dad, you did
a good job fixing the pipes.

There's water leaking
everywhere.

- Yeah,
I just called the plumber.

He'll be here in the morning.

- We don't need no plumber,
Brandon.

Y'all just let me handle it,
son, okay?

- No. No, not until
you admit you have a problem.

- Baby girl,
I ain't got no problem.

What you talking about, huh?

[overlapping chatter]
My knee's messed up.

I gotta take the medicine
for pain, y'all.

Look, look, look, look.
Just uncuff me,

and let's just talk about it.

- What the hell is going on
in here?

- Oh, hey, Ma.

I thought you were on your way

to the airport to go to Miami.

- I was,
but I left my damn phone,

so I had to come back.
And why the hell

y'all got your daddy tied up

like he owe somebody
child support or some shit?

- Well, Pat, I'm--
I'm leading a intervention.

- A intervention?
Denise, I told you,

this is the last person
that needs a damn--

- No, Mom. It is real.

Dad tried to break
the sink upstairs

trying to get to his last pill.

[clattering]

- Damn, Terry.
You did all this?

- Yeah.

- Okay, everybody get out
of the room.

I need to have a talk
with your daddy.

- All right, let me unlock
the handcuffs first.

- No.

Leave him as he is.

- What the hell?

- [sniffles]
Father God,

please don't let my mama kill
my only good daddy.

- A couple weeks ago,
you were cheating with a skank.

Now you popping pills.
- You know damn well

I never cheated.
- What the fuck is going on--

- I can't do this, Pat!
Not now!

All right?
What you come home for anyways?

You should've just waited it
out at the airport, girl.

- I told you
I left my damn phone.

- Ohh, there it is.

Lord knows you can't do without
that phone for five minutes.

[scoffs]
- This is not about me.

- Oh, yes, it is.

Halfway through
my intervention,

the kids realized
that you need an intervention

just as bad as me.

- Man, fuck them kids!

And they need to mind
they damn business too.

- You're addicted
to your career, your phone,

fame, uh, likes, clicks,

the red carpet events.

- Man, you are a pill popper,

and you stepped
outside the marriage, okay?

I like Facebook!
That is not the same!

- You gonna let me talk,

or is this just another episode
of "The Ms. Pat Show"?

- You know what?
A real husband support a woman

who has the balls
to follow her dreams.

Your ass up here having
an emotional affair

and popping pills for peace.

That is not how you support
your fucking wife, Terry!

- Baby, I--
- Don't "baby" me, nigga.

- God damn.

- Man, they're not
even listening

to each other anymore.

- I know.
That's never a good sign.

- Shit, y'all.

All those two have been through
in the past year,

I don't think they can handle

another knock-down,
drag-out fight like this.

- What do you mean?
Like, a divorce?

- Oh, now come on.

Don't be throwing out
the D-word.

- D-word cannot be "divorce"
'cause it's already "dick."

Everybody knows that.

- Okay, well--well, look.

That can't happen, all right,
so somebody needs to step in,

um, uh, somebody qualified.

- Agreed. I'm calling Ashley.

- Mm, good call.

She's a therapist.
She could therapize.

- Mm-hmm.
- Ashley ain't gonna wanna

come over here on her day off

to help them
with they bullshit.

- So what do you want me
to say?

- I don't know, nigga.
Just lie.

- Ohh.

[doorbell rings]

- I'm glad I found my phone.

If I wasn't mad at your ass,
this might be sexy.

- Hey!
Birthday Queen in the house.

- What the hell
are you talkin' about?

- Ah, you trying
to hide the surprise, Ma.

That's cute.
[laughs]

Where are the streamers
and balloons?

Brandon said y'all got me
a ice cream cake?

Now did we do
Fudgie the Whale or--

- Why the hell would we buy
your old ass a ice cream cake?

- For my birthday,
which y'all forgot last week.

- Sounds like something
that a woman

who ignores her family
would do.

- Nigga, you forgot
her birthday too.

- I'm addicted to pills,
remember?

I mean, at least
I got an excuse.

- Okay, so clearly Brandon lied
to get me over here, didn't he?

- He probably told you
we was having problems,

but we not, so happy birthday.

- Yes, yes.
Happy birthday, Princess.

And you can go ahead on
and go home,

'cause once she takes
responsibilities

for her actions, this whole
thing is gonna be over.

- Responsibility for my action?

You the one betrayed my trust.

- I betrayed your trust?

You had an abortion
without telling me!

- Man, quit bringing up
old shit.

That baby gone.
- You know what?

[clattering]

Sh--here we go again.

- Did you turn
the damn valves off, Terry?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, baby.
This is serious.

So somebody just need
to come on and uncuff me

before we all be swimming
in bed tonight.

- Ma?

- Let that motherfucker drown.

- Ma.

- Come on, baby.

- [sighs]

Gosh, what is on these things,
lube?

- [groans]
I hope that's what it is.

- Ugh!

- Thank you, baby.
[groans]

[wincing]

- Psst.
[no audible dialogue]

- [clears throat]
I had no idea

things were this bad
with you two.

Y'all both gotta learn
to breathe and calm down

during these difficult
conversations.

And you need to listen
to what he's saying.

You don't listen, Ma.

[all agreeing]
- Amen!

- Huh, what? Man, your daddy
don't make no damn sense, okay?

He want me to drop everything
I've worked so hard for

to sit at home
with his needy ass.

- Look, Ma, your dreams
are important, okay?

And Daddy's not asking you
to drop them.

He just wants to feel like
he's important too.

- He is impo--
[all agreeing]

He is important.
I'm the one that still

fold his big-ass drawers.

Look, Ashley, I grew up with
a hustling mentality, okay?

I gotta grab every opportunity
when I can

'cause it might not
be there anymore.

- Okay, but do you really need

to take every single
opportunity--

even if it's at the cost
of your family's happiness?

[all agreeing]
- You preaching now.

- Trying to go to Miami
by your damn self.

- Why you wet?
I thought you had

everything under control.

- [sighs] Ashley, can we have
some privacy, please?

And I promise
that we gonna be calm

and talk like mature adults.

- Okay, sure.

But I'm gonna remove
any potential weapons

just in case.

- Potential weapons?
- Mm-hmm.

One and two.

Carry on.

Wow, great birthday party,
guys.

Thanks a lot for that.

- Okay, so we lied
for an emergency.

Don't make a big deal
out the bullshit.

- Well, I did the best I could,

but those two can only heal
themselves.

- Okay, then it's time
for me to go back in,

you know,
rough 'em up a lil' bit.

Yeah, 'cause sometimes
physical violence

is the only way to help people
that you care about.

- U-uh, hold on,
Denise Mayweather.

Okay, that's not
what they need right now.

What they need is a soft,
soothing presence, like me...

[as Morgan Freeman] And my
Morgan Freeman-like voice.

- No.
No, they do not need to hear

from an impressionist stripper.

They need someone like me,
an empath.

- Oh, sit down, clown.

I'm tellin' y'all,

a good ass whupping would
diffuse this entire thing.

See, if I go back in there
and I beat Pat's ass,

and then when Terry jump in
to defend her,

I beat his ass too.

- That is a horrible idea.

- Well, why don't you come
with me?

Didn't they forget
your fucking birthday?

- You right. I'm with Auntie.
- No. No.

- Hey, hey, hey!

As tempting as that sounds,

y'all know we can't do that.

Put them scissors down.

- Well, what's your solution?
Because Ashley didn't last

two minutes in there with 'em.

- Okay, well,
why don't you play them

another one
of your twerk videos?

- Oop.
- Maybe that'll help.

- Now which one
of y'all niggas told her that?

[overlapping chatter]

- This is me. This is me.
- You cannot do that. Stop.

- We are...
all: [angrily] ♪ A family ♪

♪ Like a giant tree! ♪

♪ Branching out
toward the sky ♪

♪ We are a family ♪

♪ We are so much more ♪

♪ Than just you and I ♪

- Pipe started leaking again.

I just--
I just can't seem to fix it.

Baby, where you going?

- I'm going back
to the airport.

- All this trouble that
this family's going through

and you 'bout to run out on me?

- What do you mean,
run out on you?

You know I got a trip to Miami.

Why are you tripping?
- Look, look, look.

I don't want it
to be like this.

Look at us.

I've been thinking, I'm ashamed
of my actions, okay?

I've been getting out of hand
with the Oxy,

and that ends today, all right?

And believe it or not, I never
was gonna cheat with Michelle.

- You could've fooled the hell
out of me.

- Baby, let me finish.

I know I shouldn't have been
texting her so much, a'ight.

The roles reversed--if you was
texting another man like that,

I would--but...

I just thought
it was innocent at the time.

Baby, I was completely wrong.

- Hm, keep talkin'.

- It's just, uh,

the pills made it feel better.

Talking to Michelle
made it feel better.

- Made what feel better?

- The fact that you, um...

- I what?
- You never gonna

need me anymore.

- Terry.

- It's hard to admit, baby,

but I...

been lonely.

- How the hell are you lonely

when I'm here with you
every damn day?

- I know, baby,
but even when you here,

you're buried in your phone
or your podcast.

I ain't no placeholder, baby.
I need affection,

attention, and love,
like you used to give me.

You remember that? Huh?

Baby, we got something special,

and I wanna keep it that way.

- Wow.

That speech right there...

- Mm-hmm.

- Is the most manipulative shit
I've ever heard you say.

- Manipulative?

This family is struggling, Pat.

I've been in so much pain,
you ain't even noticed.

- Oh, I've noticed
the way you been

running around here
crying and shit.

- Well, I am so sorry
that I inconvenienced you.

- Why I gotta be the one
that's responsible

for everything that goes on
in this damn family, huh?

You supposed
to be taking care of me!

- We supposed to be taking care
of each other!

You're being selfish, Pat.

- You damn right I am, 'cause
when the roles were reversed

and you was making
the most money, guess what?

I had to sit there
and be pretty and cheer you on

'cause I was a fuckin' woman.

- That's not true.

- Dude, I did karaoke
at your job,

looking like a goddamn fool.

For what?
Your career. Huh?

This is my chance
to be fuckin' selfish

for once in a lifetime.

- "I," "my,"

those the words that you've
been using lately.

Is this your marriage
or our marriage?

- Mine, fool!

I'm trying to get you out
this fuckin' factory.

Why don't you want me out here
selling tickets, huh?

I'm not doing this for me!

I'm doing this
for all you selfish assholes!

- Is that how you gonna talk
about your family, really, Pat?

'Cause it seems to me
that you don't give

a damn about your own family--
- Mom, Dad, stop!

Jesus!

A-and I don't mean
to use his name in vain,

but clearly we need him
right now.

Listen to yourselves.

Y'all sound like
you hate each other.

- Junebug, it's not like that--
- Let me finish, Ma.

- Excuse me?
- Pat.

Go ahead, son.

- Sergio's parents
just got divorced.

And he doesn't even smile
anymore.

Please don't make me go
through that.

Okay?
Look, I--

I would die
if this family split up.

- We must've really fucked up.

We got this lil'
asshole crying.

- Your mom and I do not
hate each other, son.

You hear me? Do you?

- Yeah, I hear you.

- And we ain't never
getting divorced.

- Not unless one
of us die first.

- Yeah, and that's
what I'm worried about.

- Boy, please.
I'm not gon' kill him.

I might poison him,
but I ain't gonna kill him.

- I'm sorry
I made you feel like

I didn't want you
to follow your dreams, baby.

I just been feeling insecure.

Yeah, you bringing
in real money now.

- That's stupid.

You think that's all
we need you for is money?

We need you for everything
around here.

I mean, you hold down
this fort from day one.

- I appreciate that, baby,
and I support everything

that you do, but it ain't
been easy, you know?

Down at the plant?

Someone called me Mr. Pat.

- [laughs] Mr. Pat.

That's not funny, but--

- No, it's fuckin' funny.

Like, Mr. Pat.
[mumbling]

- I'm supposed
to be your provider.

That kind of mess makes me feel
neutered,

like our dynamic has changed
now since your rise.

- I mean, you arrived too.

You just got a promotion.

- Come on, baby.
I got a 6% raise.

You legit gonna be famous.

It's different.

- Yeah, it's true.

I mean, this time next year,
you could be on the D-list, Ma.

Look at Evelyn Lozada.

- Shut the hell up, okay?

And you anything but neutered,
and don't I know that.

- Oh, that's nasty.
- All right, I'ma head out.

- That's disgusting.

- And you always gonna be
the man of this house,

no matter how big
my career get.

And it's gonna get
plenty big too.

- Heck yeah, it is.

- See?

Change ain't always
a bad thing.

And I been through
a lot of changes.

And some of them bitches
been pretty good.

- Yeah, except
for that Jheri curl

you used to rock
back in the day.

That was a bad, bad change.

- [laughs] And you used
to have his mustache too.

- Oop.
- Your remember that?

- Shut the hell up, Denise.

We look just alike.

- Does this mean
y'all gonna be all right?

- 100.

But this just ain't
about your mama and me.

We all gotta do better.

This whole family needs
to get in line

so she can make us rich

and not worry
about us flooding the house.

- Us?
Pop, that was you.

- Listen to your mama
and shut up.

You ready, baby?
- Yeah, I'm ready.

- Come on.
- So y'all gonna be okay

while I'm gone?

- Mm-hmm.

- I'm gonna be gone for a week.

- Yeah, we are.

- Yeah, I mean,
we gonna be all right.

You know I got 'em.

- And I got 'em
after she got 'em

'cause she don't got 'em.

- So I'll see y'all next week?

- Bye, Ma. Love you.
- All right, Ma.

- Be safe.
- Hey.

Go on and kill 'em, Ms. Pat.

Be safe, baby, all right?

See you in a week.

[cell phone chimes]

- [sighs]

- What, Ma?
You forget something?

- Okay, so which one of y'all
taking the next shift?

- It ain't gonna be me.
- Don't look at me.

Y'all know this
is my unofficial birthday trip.

[overlapping chatter]

- La la la la la.

- No, no, no, no, no.
W-w-w-w-w-wait!

Nose goes.
- Period.

- Ha! You was last.
- Bye!

- Bye, bro!
- [laughs]

[sighs]

- Let me just grab
a few more of these.

- [winces]

How long you think it's been?

- I don't know.
Who guarding the door?

- Me.

Everybody else went
to the beach.

- How long we been in here,
Junebug?

- 17 minutes.

- Oh, fuck.
Can I just please have a hit?

Did my agent call?

Can I just look at Twitter
one time?

- That's not
how detox works, Ma.

- But what if somebody
out there tagging

a naked picture of me
from 1982?

Huh? I need to see if my show
sold out this Friday.

Can I please play Candy Crush?
Please?

- [groans]
Hand me my aspirin, baby.

- [mumbling angrily]

- Why you think it's harder
for you to come off your phone

than I am Oxy?

- I just wanna take a picture
of this nice-ass hotel room.

How else these niggas gonna
hate on us out here?

- Just relax, baby.

It's all gonna be over with
after a while.

[sighs]

How much longer now, Junebug?

- At this point,
it doesn't even matter.

♪ And then a hero comes along ♪

♪ With the strength
to carry on ♪

both: ♪ There's a hero
comes along ♪

♪ With the strength
to carry on ♪

- You my hero, baby.

- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And she don't
take no stuff ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And you can't get enough ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ With three damn kids ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And it's
"The Ms. Pat Show" ♪