The Ms. Pat Show (2021–…): Season 3, Episode 7 - Body Aches and Body Shakes - full transcript
Brandon's past comes back to haunt him when he decides to switch his career path; Terry gets a little too friendly with a colleague at work.
- "The Ms. Pat Show"
was filmed
in front of a live
studio audience.
- Having tunnel vision
is great,
unless you lookin'
up an asshole,
'cause those lights
that you think
is so bright and beautiful
is actually a piece of corn.
Now you done gone
and got yourself in some shit,
because
you weren't paying attention
to who was paying attention
to what you was supposed
to be paying attention to.
Now,
I know that shit sounded crazy,
but pay attention
to this episode.
- Ah, "Full House,"
classic Black TV.
- They not Black.
- Well then,
you explain three families
living under the same roof.
They Black.
- Ow.
- Yeah.
- Ow.
- [chuckles]
- [grunting]
[both laugh]
- I said God damn.
- Brandon, when'd you get home?
- Oh, hey,
DJ Tanner and Michelle.
I'm over here,
suffering in pain,
and y'all acting like
y'all work in emergency room,
and I ain't got no insurance.
- What the problem,
Project Boy?
- Yeah, you don't
like stripping no more?
- Not in this recession.
Man, people don't even have
"make it clap" money anymore.
I only came home
with $50 tonight.
- Ah,
don't sell yourself short.
You also came home
with pole burn on your nuts
and lower self-esteem.
- [laughs]
Oh, that's good.
- Yeah, yeah.
- [mockingly] Pole burn.
Shut up.
I'm being serious, guys.
I don't know how much longer
I can take this.
Stripping
is a younger man's game,
and I think I slipped a disc
in my lap dance tonight.
- Dang, you one body roll away
from a displaced hip.
[both laughing]
- Those hips do lie.
- Okay, sorry.
Look, maybe it's time
you try something different.
- Like what?
Look, this may be a shock
to you guys,
but I don't have
that many skills.
- [gasps sarcastically]
No...
[both laugh]
- Hey, you know what?
There's a video gaming club
down at school.
I heard they've been looking
for a coach for a while now.
- Wait, for real?
So hold on.
You mean to tell me
that I can get paid
to play with kids?
I do that every day anyway.
- Please never
say that out loud again.
- Yeah, I mean,
you could come over tomorrow
and talk to Principal Horner.
- Oh, I'll be there fo' sho'.
Ain't no way I'm stripping
my way into retirement.
That's can't be me.
- Good, 'cause retirement age
for a stripper is 25.
You came in
overstaying your welcome.
- Ooh, that was a good one.
That was a good one.
- Ow.
- That's what you get.
- Mm-hmm.
- ♪ Come on, it's time to go ♪
♪ It's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪
- Man...
messin' around with
Junebug the other day,
I think I done
tore my knee up.
Now, every time it rain,
my leg act up worse
than a white kid in public.
- You want me
to slap it in the mouth?
Guess what.
I just got booked
to headline
downtown Indianapolis
at the Mercury Comedy Club.
And I'm sorry about your hoof,
baby.
- Thank you, baby.
The Merkin, huh?
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- Ooh, that place is nice.
Look at you, superstar.
- Yes, and I can't wait
till they hear my new bit
about my granddaddy hanging us
for stealing them food stamps.
Baby, they about to laugh
till they panty liner leaks.
- [laughs]
I'm proud of you, Pat.
Oh!
[grunts]
Ooh, this leg.
Baby, can you come hit me up
with some of this Icy Hot,
please?
- Which wig for your show,
Pat-Pat?
- I'm not wearing them
bright-ass wigs, Denise.
I'm trying to do stand-up,
not land a plane.
- She didn't mean that, Ruby.
I think you need
something bright
for your first headlining date.
I'm thinking the purple.
- I'm not walking 'round here
looking like Barney
done shitted in my head.
- Can you just come upstairs
so that we can look
at more options?
- Ones that don't look like
a Muppet committed suicide.
- Hey, Pat.
- What you want, Old Yeller?
Damn.
- I've been trying to tell you
that I think there's
something wrong with my leg.
- Oh, for real?
- Yeah.
- Hold on, baby.
Now, what I'ma need you to do
is take two of these.
Which one of your legs hurt?
- The right.
- Okay,
and I'ma need you to walk
on your left foot, okay?
[kisses]
'Cause your right one
ain't no good, baby.
- Hey, hey, hey,
these for menstrual cramps!
- Morning,
Ah, you seem to be
getting settled
into your new job nicely.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got a lot of stuff
planned for today.
First, I'ma teach 'em
how to do cheat codes.
- I don't really care, Brandon.
- Well, I just wanted to say
thank you for the opportunity,
and I promise
I won't let you down.
- Ah, well, we're, uh--
[shaking] We're--
happy to see you.
You know, I thought
I was gonna have to shut down
this whole program
after Mr. Galvin got fired.
- Oh, why'd they let him go?
- Oh, he was running
a dog-fighting ring
out on the football field
after-hours.
One of the dogs bit him.
He called it an ugly mutt.
Someone got offended--
you know this cancel culture.
- Mm.
Listen, you don't have to
worry about me, I promise you.
I'm just here
to play with kids.
- Maybe we could workshop
a better way of saying that.
- Oh, is it "playing"--
- Yeah.
Oh, class!
Let me introduce you
to Mr. Brandon, your new coach.
How 'bout we give him
a warm welcome?
[light applause]
Welcome was about as warm
as my ex-wife.
- Well, hey, everybody.
I'm really excited
to be here today.
You know,
being your guys' coach
kind of reminds me of Denzel,
you know?
From "Remember the Titans"?
[as Denzel] "I don't care
if you like each other or not,
"but you will respect each
other, and maybe, I don't know,
maybe we can play
this game like men, huh?"
- Cute impression,
but are you even qualified
to lead this team?
- I don't know, you tell me.
I mean, I have been gaming
since the genesis of Sega.
- Genesis of Sega,
Sega Genesis--we get it.
You're very clever.
- Clever enough to memorize
the original
Konami "Contra" code by heart.
Up, up, down, down,
left, right, left, right,
B, A, select, start.
Boom!
That's what I'm talking about!
Now, I don't know about you,
but everybody
about to live forever.
- Big whoop,
you guys looked so stupid,
dancing like that.
- Did I also mention
that I am ranked third
in the state
for "Legends of War"?
all: Ooh...
- Silence!
- That game's super-hard.
Stephen's our best player,
and he's only ranked 234th.
- I'm actually 233rd now.
Thank you, Jasmine.
And I don't believe you.
I challenge you to a game-off.
- [gasps]
Not a game-off.
- Yes, a game-off.
If Coach...Brandon, was it?
Proves his mettle
and emerges victorious
against me,
then, and only then,
will Mr. Brandon
earn the title of coach.
- [scoffs] You trying to get
your bold booty beat, huh?
Well, let me tell you
something, Stefan.
- It's Stephen.
- Always remember this--
[as Denzel] "King Kong
ain't got nothing on me."
Let's do this,
young man, a'ight?
- Well, well, well,
just the man
I've been looking for.
- Uh-oh, don't nobody want
the HR rep looking for 'em.
- It's nothing bad.
I just wanted to give you
your paperwork
for your promotion.
- Oh, okay,
I was scared for a second.
- Yeah, I saw foreclosure
and food stamps
flash behind your eyes.
- [laughs]
- How you been?
Oh, did you ever end up
watching that "30 for 30"
on Dominique Wilkins
I told you about?
- Hell yeah.
That was really dope, and you
know I love Dominique, right?
- Yes.
- Hey, hey, look,
even though
he played basketball,
watching him inspired me
to play high school football.
- Ooh.
- And back-to-back concussions
inspired me to quit.
- Yeah, it's a violent game.
- [blows lips]
- I'm glad you got out
with your looks.
- [mutters indistinctly]
[both chuckling]
Ah.
- Oh, oh, oh--fast food again?
- I know--look,
it's quick and it's easy, and--
- It's terrible
for your heart!
- Delicious.
- Why don't you let me
cook you up one of my homemade
keto-friendly lunches?
- Um--
- I keep an extra one
right here in the fridge just
in case I forget to pack mine,
and you don't even need
to heat that up.
- Hmm...
well, it better be good.
You just threw away a 4 for 4.
- [laughs]
Well, 4 for 4
turn into funeral for funeral.
- [grunts]
Yeah.
- Boy, you really are
falling apart, aren't you?
- I know.
[groans]
You know, I just feel like
my knee gets worse by the day.
- Well,
you should take the day off
and have your wife
drive you to the doctor.
- Eh, she got a million things
to do as it is.
- She too busy
for her crippled husband?
- Well, in her defense,
she told me to walk
on the other leg.
- Great advice.
- Yeah.
- Sounds like
she works at Urgent Care.
- [laughs]
- Hey, can I watch you
take the first bite?
Would that be weird?
- Not at all.
I mean, I like to watch people
enjoy my cooking.
- [gasps] Terry, you cook?
- Yeah.
- Look at you messing
around with gender roles.
- Yeah, well, it's more
like a necessity, right?
'Cause my wife don't cook,
and when she does,
you don't want it.
- Mm.
Well, try mine.
- Oh, my God.
- Mm-hmm.
- This is keto?
- Mm, keep eating that, and
you're gonna fit into a Speedo.
[both laugh]
- [sighs]
- [as Denzel] Hey, Stephen,
who's your daddy, huh?
[chuckles]
Good job, Jasmine.
- How did you just beat me?
- Listen, no offense, but, uh,
you suck.
Okay?
Don't worry about it.
After a couple of weeks
of coaching from me,
you'll be number four
in the state.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Thank you, Coach.
- No problem.
- What's going on here?
- Oh, hey.
I'm the new gaming coach,
Brandon.
- Danielle, Stephen's mom.
- Okay.
- Don't I know you
from somewhere?
- Um, I don't think so.
- Are you sure?
You look real familiar.
[gasps]
[whispers] Wait a minute.
Project Boy?
- Who is Project Boy?
both: No one!
- Honey, go wait in the car.
I need to talk to your coach.
I'd recognize
that bubble butt anywhere.
- Excuse me?
And also, thank you.
- I've seen you shaking it down
at the strip club,
and I cannot believe
the school would hire
a dirty dancer to coach kids!
- Wait a minute.
I remember you now.
A $2 tip
for a 20 minute lap dance?
Seriously?
And I gave you
all my best moves too--
the helicopter,
the Tootsie Roll shuffle,
the banana split.
- [whispers] Quiet down!
Get up!
You just wait
until I tell Principal Horner
who you really are.
- Wait!
No, no, no, no.
Please, please.
L--l-look,
that's in my past, all right?
I'm not a stripper anymore.
Plus, you down there
at Sisqo's so much,
they named a drink after you.
- I'm very proud
of the Milf-erina.
- So how you gonna judge me?
- Easily!
You shouldn't be around kids.
There should be
a separation of sex and state.
- You sure about that?
'Cause the state
always screws me
and then wanna call it taxes.
[laughs]
I can't get nothing for that?
[blows lips]
- I hate
all these ugly-ass outfits.
- All these outfits yours.
Don't blame me
for your shitty taste.
- Why you walkin' in here
like you got a mouse
in your pocket that suck dick?
- I just really
love my new job.
Those kids at the school
are half my age,
and they're
already smarter than me.
Can you believe that?
both: Yeah.
- That reminds me, Brandon,
you are the technology expert.
Should I introduce some NFTs
into my portfolio?
- Denise, what is NFTs?
- Negro Financial Token.
- Brandon,
someone exposed your OnlyFans.
- What?
- It's streaming live
right now on Twitch.
- Let me see.
Oh, my God!
This is bad!
- Brandon, you got a OnlyFans?
- You making jack off videos
in my basement, nigga?
- No, it's not like that.
I just do my impressions
in my G-string.
- Honestly,
that's more embarrassing.
- Your real daddy used to do
impressions of a good man.
- Now, what kind of
sad-ass hater
would expose
your wack-ass OnlyFans?
- I bet it was this kid's mom
named Danielle.
She said that a stripper
shouldn't be working with kids.
Plus, she flat-out said
that she was gonna report it.
- Yeah,
it might've been her, bud.
- And how would she know
you had a OnlyFans
if she wasn't rubbing her
coochie nipple to your content?
- She was a regular
down at Sisqo's.
- Dang,
that's pretty hypocritical
that she would
expose you as a stripper,
when she's a frequent patron
at the club.
- Yeah,
where this lady get off?
- Sounds like Brandon's lap.
[phone rings]
- Principal Horner,
hey, I was just about to call--
[sighs]
Sir, you can't do that.
Come on.
I was really connecting
with those kids though.
[sighs]
No, but it--
Yeah, mm-hmm.
Yeah, I understand.
Thank you for the opportunity.
- He just fired
the hell out of you.
- Man,
I really loved that job too.
- Leave it to a hatin'-ass ho
to stop your bag.
- Like, is a stripper the only
thing people gonna see me as?
That's not me anymore.
- Yeah, we know--
just 48 hours ago.
- Look, B,
people are always
gonna judge you
because of your past.
Hell, I ain't committed
a crime in years,
and I still get denied jobs
because I'm a felon.
- Denise, you don't work.
- I know, but my grease do.
[laughs]
- No, it don't.
- That's just life, son.
- Yeah, people are always gonna
judge you by what they see
as the worst thing you've done.
- Mm.
Mm-mm, exactly, 'cause I mean,
I burn down
one ex-boyfriend's house,
and then all of a sudden,
I'm an arsonist.
I mean,
the shit's unreasonable.
- I mean, personally, I agree
with Lisa "Right-Eye" Ho-pez.
Don't let your past
define who you are.
Stand up and be more than what
people choose to see you as.
What?
- Now, that was some
real inspirational
Oprah-type shit, Pat-Pat.
- Yeah, Ma,
where'd you get that from?
- Oprah.
- You know what, Mom?
You're right.
My past doesn't define me.
I'ma march up to that school
and give them
a piece of my mind.
- Uh, don't give 'em
a piece of your mind,
'cause you need
every bit of it.
- [chuckles mockingly]
- You realized it's 10:00 p.m.?
- Every bit of it.
- I still think
the blue sneakers
with the purple hair's gonna
snatch the crowd's edges.
- Denise, can I get
more Mary J. Blige
and less Sour Patch Kids?
What are you eating?
- Well, he ain't gagging,
so it ain't
the spaghetti you made.
- Coworker of mine made me
a keto-friendly meal to try.
- Keto?
What the hell is keto,
and why is it so damn friendly?
- [chuckles]
It's a diet, baby--
low-carb, high in protein.
She said it's supposed to
burn fat fast.
- No carbs?
So no bread?
- Bread is carbs, so...
- No rice?
- No rice.
- How 'bout ice cream?
- Nope.
- Wait a minute.
So you take everything
off the table?
Bitch can't even
have no Skittles?
- Mm-mm.
- Why is some random woman
making you meals anyway?
- Um, actually,
she made it for herself
and just gave it to me.
- Did she now?
- Damn, this shit good.
Next time, tell her
to make enough for both of us.
- That's a good point, Pat.
Why she ain't make a meal
for your wife, Terry?
Or your kids,
or your sister-in-law
who also loves free food?
- My sister-in-law
likes free everything.
Plus, I don't know,
it's just something
nice for me,
not a soup kitchen.
- Now, who is she again?
Did we meet her at karaoke?
- Michelle works in HR,
and no, she wasn't there.
- So Michelle--
- Damn it, Denise!
- Who we, for some reason,
were not introduced to
at the office-wide
karaoke clambake,
made some food for herself
and then gave it to you
in her good Tupperware?
- Yes, Denise.
I need to take trash
to the street.
- I bet you do.
Don't you eat
this temptress' food!
- What you talkin' 'bout?
- I'm talking
about this ho-bag, Michelle,
making meals for your man.
- Girl, you sound crazy.
- Do I?
Because I was Michelle.
I know what it means to make
a meal for a married man.
First, they start off
eating your meatloaf,
next, they got a mouthful
of your coochie croissant.
- He said
she made it for herself,
and she gave him some.
- Okay, oregano,
tarragon...
Spanish paprika.
Okay, Pat, you don't
make nothing this tasty
for yourself and then
give it to somebody else
in your good Tupperware.
Naw, Pat, that bitch
is in love with Terry.
- First off,
why you not cookin' for us
if you know so much about
Spanish fucking paprika?
And second off, I trust my man.
He said she was a coworker,
so she's a co-worker!
- More like a cock-worker.
- You just mad 'cause
you ain't got no cock to rock.
- She's gon' be rockin'
your husband's cock
cookin' this good.
Y'all gon' be sharing cock.
You's a share-cock-a.
You get a cock,
you get a cock, you get a cock.
- I can't believe
I just did that!
- That's what
I'm talking about, man.
See? You got it.
- [sighs]
- See?
He's still in here.
I thought you said
he was fired.
- He was.
Brandon, do not make me
call security.
- Principal Horner,
can I talk to you for a minute?
I got something
to get off my chest.
- Hopefully not your baby oil.
- You know what?
You can make all the jokes
you want about my content.
But you don't get to define
who I am or what I'll be.
Principal Horner,
imagine if you were defined
by the things you did
to make money.
It's no different from me.
And another thing--
I am way more than my flat abs
and my thick, supple ass,
a'ight?
I'm somebody's brother.
I'm a son, and I don't care
what anybody has to say.
I know I'm a damn good teacher,
and not one of y'all gon' be
able to take that away from me.
- You were never a teacher,
my friend.
- You were a coach, at best.
- All right, coach, whatever.
My point is
I'm not my mistakes,
and I'm way more
than what Danielle over here
thinks of me.
- We don't care if you do
Eddie Murphy impressions online
in your underwear for money.
- You get paid for that?
- Coach Brandon,
you were the best coach
we've ever had.
- Thank you, Jasmine,
and it was a honor
teaching all of you guys.
- Okay, pretty speech.
You can leave now.
I will not have my son
around a common whore.
- Oh, shut up, Mom.
- What did you just say?
- I said "shut up."
- Ooh, I felt my momma's slap
on that one.
- She made me set up
a Twitch stream to expose you.
I'm sorry.
- No, no, no.
I'm sorry,
because what the fuck?
- Oh, now you're
gonna fucking cuss around them?
- Oh, people, please,
watch the language.
- My mom is a hypocrite,
and it doesn't just stop
at strip clubs.
She's addicted to porn.
- [laughing] Holy shit.
- She has no right
to judge you for your past
when she used half
my college fund
on subscriptions
to PornHub and Tasty Blacks.
- I'm recovering.
- Tasty Blacks, you said?
- I'm sorry again,
Coach Brandon.
You really are the best.
- Thanks, Steve.
- By the way the job
is still yours.
But you are gonna have to
show me that helicopter move.
- [as Eddie Murphy's Buckwheat]
Otay.
- Hey, Michelle.
- Hey.
- Hey, that meal you made
was off the chain.
- Thank you.
- I got your Tupperware.
- Oh, and I have
another lunch for you today.
- Oh, now, Michelle,
you really didn't have to.
- I know I didn't have to.
I wanted to.
I lost my husband last year--
massive heart attack.
- Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
- Yeah, so I'm really committed
to teaching the people I care
about how to eat healthier.
- Well--well, I appreciate you,
and I had no idea
about your husband.
My condolences.
- Thank you.
Yeah, it'll be a year
next week.
Somehow, it seems longer.
My whole life
was about taking care of him.
Whether it sounds feminist
to say it or not,
screw it.
I loved taking care
of that man.
- I'm sorry, I--
- Anyway, hey!
I am putting together
a happy hour
for everyone after work.
You wanna go?
- Um, I don't know.
Let me check--
- You could be my date.
- Well, you know,
maybe I'll invite Pat.
You know,
she loves free hors d'oeuvres,
appetizers and stuff like that.
You know what?
This is a good chance
that you and her
can get to know each other.
- Oh.
[chuckles]
[phone chimes]
Sure.
- Yeah.
- That'll be something.
- Yeah.
- Ooh, hang on.
I have to see
if a meeting
is still happening.
- Okay.
[line rings]
- Hey, Terry, what you doing
calling me at work?
Let me guess--
one of them whites
done went postal
on y'all up there?
I told you
drop, duck, and roll.
- [laughs]
No, no, not yet.
I'm just calling to see
if you wanted to go
to happy hour tonight?
You know, a few
of the coworkers are going,
and I know that everybody
in the office
would love to see what
you look like without fillers.
- Ooh, you know
she got a show tonight.
- Denise?
Pat, you got me
on speaker again, girl?
- Yeah, baby,
sitting right here on my titty.
Shut the fuck up, Denise.
Look, baby, go on without me.
You need to hit
all these work events up,
and you know,
get in tight with Max
ever since
you got that promotion.
- Fuck Max.
- Uh--uh, have fun.
I love you.
- I love--
- Sorry about that.
Some guy on 12 told a woman
she looked like a hot donut,
and he wanted to glaze her.
[sighs]
So I have to, yet again,
schedule another
sexual harassment course
for the plant.
- Damn.
That's the third one this year.
Hey, but look, you know,
I'm gon' see you after work,
yup.
- Oh, great!
See you there.
- Okay.
- Uh, is Pat coming?
- No, no, she can't make it.
- Aw, damn.
I was looking forward
to meeting her.
[bell buzzes]
Well, time to get back at it.
I'll see you tonight.
- Yup, see you.
- See ya.
[dance music]
♪ ♪
- Oh, Terry!
You made it!
I thought
you were gonna stand me up.
- I had to go home and change.
- Oh, I can see that.
New shirt?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Even though
I'm not on the floor right now,
I still go home
smelling like oil.
- [laughs]
- Right, so I thought
I'd go home
and bust open a fresh one.
- Mm.
- It's crazy
that you noticed that.
- Oh, I notice things.
Ralph Lauren?
- George Foreman.
- Oh.
- Ha--
[blows lips]
Where is everybody?
I thought the whole plant
was gonna be here.
- [sighs]
I guess everybody got busy.
- Mm.
- But don't worry.
We'll still have fun,
just the two of us.
Come. Sit.
I don't want you to stand
on that bad leg of yours.
- All right.
You know, I gotta call Max
first to see where he is.
It's not like him
to miss a happy hour.
- Well, before you do that...
open this.
- [chuckles] What is it?
- Well, just open it and see.
- Eh, all right.
[sighs]
Holy...
theDominique Wilkins
signed this?
[high-pitched]
This is incredible!
- You like it?
I saw it up for auction
one night, and I stayed up late
till I won it!
- This is really dope.
Uh, thank you.
- Anything for you, Terry.
- Um,
you know what?
I--
I can't accept this.
- Wh--why not?
- Because Pat'd kill me.
- Pat doesn't let you
receive gifts
from your friends?
- Not friends
that look like you.
- Look like me?
What are you talking about?
- Uh, you know what?
I gotta--I gotta go.
- Terry, wait,
you just got here.
- Uh, I just remembered
that I left a cap
off the toothpaste at home.
- Terry...
Stay.
- Oh!
[grunts]
- Oh, my God!
Terry, are you okay?
- Ah, oh, no, no, my leg.
- Oh, my--
- [screams]
- Oh!
Oh.
- [grunting]
- Don't worry, I got you, papi.
- Y'all stop torturing
your daddy.
- Yeah, 'cause his ancient body
breakin' down and dyin'
and shit is torture enough.
- Shut up, Denise,
over there lookin' like
a cupcake from "Major Payne."
Ain't nobody dying.
I just tore my meniscus,
all right?
The doctor said that I'll be up
walking around
by the end of the month.
- Hmm.
- Hmm, how bad is your pain,
baby?
- [sighs]
Baby, it was about a nine,
but then doc gave me
these bad boys.
- Ooh, shit, T.
This that good shit.
- Mm-hmm.
- You gotta be careful
with these.
I tell you one thing.
They bring back
some memories for me--
some foggy-ass memories--
- Hey!
You not 'bout to steal
my purse, bitch.
Let this shit go!
- Pat, Pat, Pat--
- You better let this shit--
fuck it!
- So how did you say
this happened again, baby?
- Oh, hey, baby,
it wasn't nothing.
I just slipped
on some oil at work.
- Ugh,
these unsafe working conditions
at these corporate factories
are insane!
You know, I was reading
an article once--
- [clapping] No one cares.
- Guess who made
the top 500 on OnlyFans.
- [clapping] No one cares.
- Come through, top 500.
- How'd you pull that off?
- Some of the kids
from the gaming community
felt bad about Stephen's mom
embarrassing me,
so they had all their moms
buy ads on my OnlyFans,
and I already made $1,000.
- Damn, nephew,
I'm proud of you!
- [sighs]
Somebody cares.
- Pat, can I borrow a hunny?
- Nobody cares.
- What?
[phone vibrating]
- Who the hell is texting you
at this time of night?
Michelle?
[scoffs]
What the fuck?
[funky music]
- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪
♪ And she don't take
no stuff ♪
♪ She's a grown-ass woman,
and you can't get enough ♪
♪ She's a grown-ass woman
with family and kids ♪
♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪
♪ And it's
"The Ms. Pat Show" ♪
was filmed
in front of a live
studio audience.
- Having tunnel vision
is great,
unless you lookin'
up an asshole,
'cause those lights
that you think
is so bright and beautiful
is actually a piece of corn.
Now you done gone
and got yourself in some shit,
because
you weren't paying attention
to who was paying attention
to what you was supposed
to be paying attention to.
Now,
I know that shit sounded crazy,
but pay attention
to this episode.
- Ah, "Full House,"
classic Black TV.
- They not Black.
- Well then,
you explain three families
living under the same roof.
They Black.
- Ow.
- Yeah.
- Ow.
- [chuckles]
- [grunting]
[both laugh]
- I said God damn.
- Brandon, when'd you get home?
- Oh, hey,
DJ Tanner and Michelle.
I'm over here,
suffering in pain,
and y'all acting like
y'all work in emergency room,
and I ain't got no insurance.
- What the problem,
Project Boy?
- Yeah, you don't
like stripping no more?
- Not in this recession.
Man, people don't even have
"make it clap" money anymore.
I only came home
with $50 tonight.
- Ah,
don't sell yourself short.
You also came home
with pole burn on your nuts
and lower self-esteem.
- [laughs]
Oh, that's good.
- Yeah, yeah.
- [mockingly] Pole burn.
Shut up.
I'm being serious, guys.
I don't know how much longer
I can take this.
Stripping
is a younger man's game,
and I think I slipped a disc
in my lap dance tonight.
- Dang, you one body roll away
from a displaced hip.
[both laughing]
- Those hips do lie.
- Okay, sorry.
Look, maybe it's time
you try something different.
- Like what?
Look, this may be a shock
to you guys,
but I don't have
that many skills.
- [gasps sarcastically]
No...
[both laugh]
- Hey, you know what?
There's a video gaming club
down at school.
I heard they've been looking
for a coach for a while now.
- Wait, for real?
So hold on.
You mean to tell me
that I can get paid
to play with kids?
I do that every day anyway.
- Please never
say that out loud again.
- Yeah, I mean,
you could come over tomorrow
and talk to Principal Horner.
- Oh, I'll be there fo' sho'.
Ain't no way I'm stripping
my way into retirement.
That's can't be me.
- Good, 'cause retirement age
for a stripper is 25.
You came in
overstaying your welcome.
- Ooh, that was a good one.
That was a good one.
- Ow.
- That's what you get.
- Mm-hmm.
- ♪ Come on, it's time to go ♪
♪ It's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪
- Man...
messin' around with
Junebug the other day,
I think I done
tore my knee up.
Now, every time it rain,
my leg act up worse
than a white kid in public.
- You want me
to slap it in the mouth?
Guess what.
I just got booked
to headline
downtown Indianapolis
at the Mercury Comedy Club.
And I'm sorry about your hoof,
baby.
- Thank you, baby.
The Merkin, huh?
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- Ooh, that place is nice.
Look at you, superstar.
- Yes, and I can't wait
till they hear my new bit
about my granddaddy hanging us
for stealing them food stamps.
Baby, they about to laugh
till they panty liner leaks.
- [laughs]
I'm proud of you, Pat.
Oh!
[grunts]
Ooh, this leg.
Baby, can you come hit me up
with some of this Icy Hot,
please?
- Which wig for your show,
Pat-Pat?
- I'm not wearing them
bright-ass wigs, Denise.
I'm trying to do stand-up,
not land a plane.
- She didn't mean that, Ruby.
I think you need
something bright
for your first headlining date.
I'm thinking the purple.
- I'm not walking 'round here
looking like Barney
done shitted in my head.
- Can you just come upstairs
so that we can look
at more options?
- Ones that don't look like
a Muppet committed suicide.
- Hey, Pat.
- What you want, Old Yeller?
Damn.
- I've been trying to tell you
that I think there's
something wrong with my leg.
- Oh, for real?
- Yeah.
- Hold on, baby.
Now, what I'ma need you to do
is take two of these.
Which one of your legs hurt?
- The right.
- Okay,
and I'ma need you to walk
on your left foot, okay?
[kisses]
'Cause your right one
ain't no good, baby.
- Hey, hey, hey,
these for menstrual cramps!
- Morning,
Ah, you seem to be
getting settled
into your new job nicely.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got a lot of stuff
planned for today.
First, I'ma teach 'em
how to do cheat codes.
- I don't really care, Brandon.
- Well, I just wanted to say
thank you for the opportunity,
and I promise
I won't let you down.
- Ah, well, we're, uh--
[shaking] We're--
happy to see you.
You know, I thought
I was gonna have to shut down
this whole program
after Mr. Galvin got fired.
- Oh, why'd they let him go?
- Oh, he was running
a dog-fighting ring
out on the football field
after-hours.
One of the dogs bit him.
He called it an ugly mutt.
Someone got offended--
you know this cancel culture.
- Mm.
Listen, you don't have to
worry about me, I promise you.
I'm just here
to play with kids.
- Maybe we could workshop
a better way of saying that.
- Oh, is it "playing"--
- Yeah.
Oh, class!
Let me introduce you
to Mr. Brandon, your new coach.
How 'bout we give him
a warm welcome?
[light applause]
Welcome was about as warm
as my ex-wife.
- Well, hey, everybody.
I'm really excited
to be here today.
You know,
being your guys' coach
kind of reminds me of Denzel,
you know?
From "Remember the Titans"?
[as Denzel] "I don't care
if you like each other or not,
"but you will respect each
other, and maybe, I don't know,
maybe we can play
this game like men, huh?"
- Cute impression,
but are you even qualified
to lead this team?
- I don't know, you tell me.
I mean, I have been gaming
since the genesis of Sega.
- Genesis of Sega,
Sega Genesis--we get it.
You're very clever.
- Clever enough to memorize
the original
Konami "Contra" code by heart.
Up, up, down, down,
left, right, left, right,
B, A, select, start.
Boom!
That's what I'm talking about!
Now, I don't know about you,
but everybody
about to live forever.
- Big whoop,
you guys looked so stupid,
dancing like that.
- Did I also mention
that I am ranked third
in the state
for "Legends of War"?
all: Ooh...
- Silence!
- That game's super-hard.
Stephen's our best player,
and he's only ranked 234th.
- I'm actually 233rd now.
Thank you, Jasmine.
And I don't believe you.
I challenge you to a game-off.
- [gasps]
Not a game-off.
- Yes, a game-off.
If Coach...Brandon, was it?
Proves his mettle
and emerges victorious
against me,
then, and only then,
will Mr. Brandon
earn the title of coach.
- [scoffs] You trying to get
your bold booty beat, huh?
Well, let me tell you
something, Stefan.
- It's Stephen.
- Always remember this--
[as Denzel] "King Kong
ain't got nothing on me."
Let's do this,
young man, a'ight?
- Well, well, well,
just the man
I've been looking for.
- Uh-oh, don't nobody want
the HR rep looking for 'em.
- It's nothing bad.
I just wanted to give you
your paperwork
for your promotion.
- Oh, okay,
I was scared for a second.
- Yeah, I saw foreclosure
and food stamps
flash behind your eyes.
- [laughs]
- How you been?
Oh, did you ever end up
watching that "30 for 30"
on Dominique Wilkins
I told you about?
- Hell yeah.
That was really dope, and you
know I love Dominique, right?
- Yes.
- Hey, hey, look,
even though
he played basketball,
watching him inspired me
to play high school football.
- Ooh.
- And back-to-back concussions
inspired me to quit.
- Yeah, it's a violent game.
- [blows lips]
- I'm glad you got out
with your looks.
- [mutters indistinctly]
[both chuckling]
Ah.
- Oh, oh, oh--fast food again?
- I know--look,
it's quick and it's easy, and--
- It's terrible
for your heart!
- Delicious.
- Why don't you let me
cook you up one of my homemade
keto-friendly lunches?
- Um--
- I keep an extra one
right here in the fridge just
in case I forget to pack mine,
and you don't even need
to heat that up.
- Hmm...
well, it better be good.
You just threw away a 4 for 4.
- [laughs]
Well, 4 for 4
turn into funeral for funeral.
- [grunts]
Yeah.
- Boy, you really are
falling apart, aren't you?
- I know.
[groans]
You know, I just feel like
my knee gets worse by the day.
- Well,
you should take the day off
and have your wife
drive you to the doctor.
- Eh, she got a million things
to do as it is.
- She too busy
for her crippled husband?
- Well, in her defense,
she told me to walk
on the other leg.
- Great advice.
- Yeah.
- Sounds like
she works at Urgent Care.
- [laughs]
- Hey, can I watch you
take the first bite?
Would that be weird?
- Not at all.
I mean, I like to watch people
enjoy my cooking.
- [gasps] Terry, you cook?
- Yeah.
- Look at you messing
around with gender roles.
- Yeah, well, it's more
like a necessity, right?
'Cause my wife don't cook,
and when she does,
you don't want it.
- Mm.
Well, try mine.
- Oh, my God.
- Mm-hmm.
- This is keto?
- Mm, keep eating that, and
you're gonna fit into a Speedo.
[both laugh]
- [sighs]
- [as Denzel] Hey, Stephen,
who's your daddy, huh?
[chuckles]
Good job, Jasmine.
- How did you just beat me?
- Listen, no offense, but, uh,
you suck.
Okay?
Don't worry about it.
After a couple of weeks
of coaching from me,
you'll be number four
in the state.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Thank you, Coach.
- No problem.
- What's going on here?
- Oh, hey.
I'm the new gaming coach,
Brandon.
- Danielle, Stephen's mom.
- Okay.
- Don't I know you
from somewhere?
- Um, I don't think so.
- Are you sure?
You look real familiar.
[gasps]
[whispers] Wait a minute.
Project Boy?
- Who is Project Boy?
both: No one!
- Honey, go wait in the car.
I need to talk to your coach.
I'd recognize
that bubble butt anywhere.
- Excuse me?
And also, thank you.
- I've seen you shaking it down
at the strip club,
and I cannot believe
the school would hire
a dirty dancer to coach kids!
- Wait a minute.
I remember you now.
A $2 tip
for a 20 minute lap dance?
Seriously?
And I gave you
all my best moves too--
the helicopter,
the Tootsie Roll shuffle,
the banana split.
- [whispers] Quiet down!
Get up!
You just wait
until I tell Principal Horner
who you really are.
- Wait!
No, no, no, no.
Please, please.
L--l-look,
that's in my past, all right?
I'm not a stripper anymore.
Plus, you down there
at Sisqo's so much,
they named a drink after you.
- I'm very proud
of the Milf-erina.
- So how you gonna judge me?
- Easily!
You shouldn't be around kids.
There should be
a separation of sex and state.
- You sure about that?
'Cause the state
always screws me
and then wanna call it taxes.
[laughs]
I can't get nothing for that?
[blows lips]
- I hate
all these ugly-ass outfits.
- All these outfits yours.
Don't blame me
for your shitty taste.
- Why you walkin' in here
like you got a mouse
in your pocket that suck dick?
- I just really
love my new job.
Those kids at the school
are half my age,
and they're
already smarter than me.
Can you believe that?
both: Yeah.
- That reminds me, Brandon,
you are the technology expert.
Should I introduce some NFTs
into my portfolio?
- Denise, what is NFTs?
- Negro Financial Token.
- Brandon,
someone exposed your OnlyFans.
- What?
- It's streaming live
right now on Twitch.
- Let me see.
Oh, my God!
This is bad!
- Brandon, you got a OnlyFans?
- You making jack off videos
in my basement, nigga?
- No, it's not like that.
I just do my impressions
in my G-string.
- Honestly,
that's more embarrassing.
- Your real daddy used to do
impressions of a good man.
- Now, what kind of
sad-ass hater
would expose
your wack-ass OnlyFans?
- I bet it was this kid's mom
named Danielle.
She said that a stripper
shouldn't be working with kids.
Plus, she flat-out said
that she was gonna report it.
- Yeah,
it might've been her, bud.
- And how would she know
you had a OnlyFans
if she wasn't rubbing her
coochie nipple to your content?
- She was a regular
down at Sisqo's.
- Dang,
that's pretty hypocritical
that she would
expose you as a stripper,
when she's a frequent patron
at the club.
- Yeah,
where this lady get off?
- Sounds like Brandon's lap.
[phone rings]
- Principal Horner,
hey, I was just about to call--
[sighs]
Sir, you can't do that.
Come on.
I was really connecting
with those kids though.
[sighs]
No, but it--
Yeah, mm-hmm.
Yeah, I understand.
Thank you for the opportunity.
- He just fired
the hell out of you.
- Man,
I really loved that job too.
- Leave it to a hatin'-ass ho
to stop your bag.
- Like, is a stripper the only
thing people gonna see me as?
That's not me anymore.
- Yeah, we know--
just 48 hours ago.
- Look, B,
people are always
gonna judge you
because of your past.
Hell, I ain't committed
a crime in years,
and I still get denied jobs
because I'm a felon.
- Denise, you don't work.
- I know, but my grease do.
[laughs]
- No, it don't.
- That's just life, son.
- Yeah, people are always gonna
judge you by what they see
as the worst thing you've done.
- Mm.
Mm-mm, exactly, 'cause I mean,
I burn down
one ex-boyfriend's house,
and then all of a sudden,
I'm an arsonist.
I mean,
the shit's unreasonable.
- I mean, personally, I agree
with Lisa "Right-Eye" Ho-pez.
Don't let your past
define who you are.
Stand up and be more than what
people choose to see you as.
What?
- Now, that was some
real inspirational
Oprah-type shit, Pat-Pat.
- Yeah, Ma,
where'd you get that from?
- Oprah.
- You know what, Mom?
You're right.
My past doesn't define me.
I'ma march up to that school
and give them
a piece of my mind.
- Uh, don't give 'em
a piece of your mind,
'cause you need
every bit of it.
- [chuckles mockingly]
- You realized it's 10:00 p.m.?
- Every bit of it.
- I still think
the blue sneakers
with the purple hair's gonna
snatch the crowd's edges.
- Denise, can I get
more Mary J. Blige
and less Sour Patch Kids?
What are you eating?
- Well, he ain't gagging,
so it ain't
the spaghetti you made.
- Coworker of mine made me
a keto-friendly meal to try.
- Keto?
What the hell is keto,
and why is it so damn friendly?
- [chuckles]
It's a diet, baby--
low-carb, high in protein.
She said it's supposed to
burn fat fast.
- No carbs?
So no bread?
- Bread is carbs, so...
- No rice?
- No rice.
- How 'bout ice cream?
- Nope.
- Wait a minute.
So you take everything
off the table?
Bitch can't even
have no Skittles?
- Mm-mm.
- Why is some random woman
making you meals anyway?
- Um, actually,
she made it for herself
and just gave it to me.
- Did she now?
- Damn, this shit good.
Next time, tell her
to make enough for both of us.
- That's a good point, Pat.
Why she ain't make a meal
for your wife, Terry?
Or your kids,
or your sister-in-law
who also loves free food?
- My sister-in-law
likes free everything.
Plus, I don't know,
it's just something
nice for me,
not a soup kitchen.
- Now, who is she again?
Did we meet her at karaoke?
- Michelle works in HR,
and no, she wasn't there.
- So Michelle--
- Damn it, Denise!
- Who we, for some reason,
were not introduced to
at the office-wide
karaoke clambake,
made some food for herself
and then gave it to you
in her good Tupperware?
- Yes, Denise.
I need to take trash
to the street.
- I bet you do.
Don't you eat
this temptress' food!
- What you talkin' 'bout?
- I'm talking
about this ho-bag, Michelle,
making meals for your man.
- Girl, you sound crazy.
- Do I?
Because I was Michelle.
I know what it means to make
a meal for a married man.
First, they start off
eating your meatloaf,
next, they got a mouthful
of your coochie croissant.
- He said
she made it for herself,
and she gave him some.
- Okay, oregano,
tarragon...
Spanish paprika.
Okay, Pat, you don't
make nothing this tasty
for yourself and then
give it to somebody else
in your good Tupperware.
Naw, Pat, that bitch
is in love with Terry.
- First off,
why you not cookin' for us
if you know so much about
Spanish fucking paprika?
And second off, I trust my man.
He said she was a coworker,
so she's a co-worker!
- More like a cock-worker.
- You just mad 'cause
you ain't got no cock to rock.
- She's gon' be rockin'
your husband's cock
cookin' this good.
Y'all gon' be sharing cock.
You's a share-cock-a.
You get a cock,
you get a cock, you get a cock.
- I can't believe
I just did that!
- That's what
I'm talking about, man.
See? You got it.
- [sighs]
- See?
He's still in here.
I thought you said
he was fired.
- He was.
Brandon, do not make me
call security.
- Principal Horner,
can I talk to you for a minute?
I got something
to get off my chest.
- Hopefully not your baby oil.
- You know what?
You can make all the jokes
you want about my content.
But you don't get to define
who I am or what I'll be.
Principal Horner,
imagine if you were defined
by the things you did
to make money.
It's no different from me.
And another thing--
I am way more than my flat abs
and my thick, supple ass,
a'ight?
I'm somebody's brother.
I'm a son, and I don't care
what anybody has to say.
I know I'm a damn good teacher,
and not one of y'all gon' be
able to take that away from me.
- You were never a teacher,
my friend.
- You were a coach, at best.
- All right, coach, whatever.
My point is
I'm not my mistakes,
and I'm way more
than what Danielle over here
thinks of me.
- We don't care if you do
Eddie Murphy impressions online
in your underwear for money.
- You get paid for that?
- Coach Brandon,
you were the best coach
we've ever had.
- Thank you, Jasmine,
and it was a honor
teaching all of you guys.
- Okay, pretty speech.
You can leave now.
I will not have my son
around a common whore.
- Oh, shut up, Mom.
- What did you just say?
- I said "shut up."
- Ooh, I felt my momma's slap
on that one.
- She made me set up
a Twitch stream to expose you.
I'm sorry.
- No, no, no.
I'm sorry,
because what the fuck?
- Oh, now you're
gonna fucking cuss around them?
- Oh, people, please,
watch the language.
- My mom is a hypocrite,
and it doesn't just stop
at strip clubs.
She's addicted to porn.
- [laughing] Holy shit.
- She has no right
to judge you for your past
when she used half
my college fund
on subscriptions
to PornHub and Tasty Blacks.
- I'm recovering.
- Tasty Blacks, you said?
- I'm sorry again,
Coach Brandon.
You really are the best.
- Thanks, Steve.
- By the way the job
is still yours.
But you are gonna have to
show me that helicopter move.
- [as Eddie Murphy's Buckwheat]
Otay.
- Hey, Michelle.
- Hey.
- Hey, that meal you made
was off the chain.
- Thank you.
- I got your Tupperware.
- Oh, and I have
another lunch for you today.
- Oh, now, Michelle,
you really didn't have to.
- I know I didn't have to.
I wanted to.
I lost my husband last year--
massive heart attack.
- Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
- Yeah, so I'm really committed
to teaching the people I care
about how to eat healthier.
- Well--well, I appreciate you,
and I had no idea
about your husband.
My condolences.
- Thank you.
Yeah, it'll be a year
next week.
Somehow, it seems longer.
My whole life
was about taking care of him.
Whether it sounds feminist
to say it or not,
screw it.
I loved taking care
of that man.
- I'm sorry, I--
- Anyway, hey!
I am putting together
a happy hour
for everyone after work.
You wanna go?
- Um, I don't know.
Let me check--
- You could be my date.
- Well, you know,
maybe I'll invite Pat.
You know,
she loves free hors d'oeuvres,
appetizers and stuff like that.
You know what?
This is a good chance
that you and her
can get to know each other.
- Oh.
[chuckles]
[phone chimes]
Sure.
- Yeah.
- That'll be something.
- Yeah.
- Ooh, hang on.
I have to see
if a meeting
is still happening.
- Okay.
[line rings]
- Hey, Terry, what you doing
calling me at work?
Let me guess--
one of them whites
done went postal
on y'all up there?
I told you
drop, duck, and roll.
- [laughs]
No, no, not yet.
I'm just calling to see
if you wanted to go
to happy hour tonight?
You know, a few
of the coworkers are going,
and I know that everybody
in the office
would love to see what
you look like without fillers.
- Ooh, you know
she got a show tonight.
- Denise?
Pat, you got me
on speaker again, girl?
- Yeah, baby,
sitting right here on my titty.
Shut the fuck up, Denise.
Look, baby, go on without me.
You need to hit
all these work events up,
and you know,
get in tight with Max
ever since
you got that promotion.
- Fuck Max.
- Uh--uh, have fun.
I love you.
- I love--
- Sorry about that.
Some guy on 12 told a woman
she looked like a hot donut,
and he wanted to glaze her.
[sighs]
So I have to, yet again,
schedule another
sexual harassment course
for the plant.
- Damn.
That's the third one this year.
Hey, but look, you know,
I'm gon' see you after work,
yup.
- Oh, great!
See you there.
- Okay.
- Uh, is Pat coming?
- No, no, she can't make it.
- Aw, damn.
I was looking forward
to meeting her.
[bell buzzes]
Well, time to get back at it.
I'll see you tonight.
- Yup, see you.
- See ya.
[dance music]
♪ ♪
- Oh, Terry!
You made it!
I thought
you were gonna stand me up.
- I had to go home and change.
- Oh, I can see that.
New shirt?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Even though
I'm not on the floor right now,
I still go home
smelling like oil.
- [laughs]
- Right, so I thought
I'd go home
and bust open a fresh one.
- Mm.
- It's crazy
that you noticed that.
- Oh, I notice things.
Ralph Lauren?
- George Foreman.
- Oh.
- Ha--
[blows lips]
Where is everybody?
I thought the whole plant
was gonna be here.
- [sighs]
I guess everybody got busy.
- Mm.
- But don't worry.
We'll still have fun,
just the two of us.
Come. Sit.
I don't want you to stand
on that bad leg of yours.
- All right.
You know, I gotta call Max
first to see where he is.
It's not like him
to miss a happy hour.
- Well, before you do that...
open this.
- [chuckles] What is it?
- Well, just open it and see.
- Eh, all right.
[sighs]
Holy...
theDominique Wilkins
signed this?
[high-pitched]
This is incredible!
- You like it?
I saw it up for auction
one night, and I stayed up late
till I won it!
- This is really dope.
Uh, thank you.
- Anything for you, Terry.
- Um,
you know what?
I--
I can't accept this.
- Wh--why not?
- Because Pat'd kill me.
- Pat doesn't let you
receive gifts
from your friends?
- Not friends
that look like you.
- Look like me?
What are you talking about?
- Uh, you know what?
I gotta--I gotta go.
- Terry, wait,
you just got here.
- Uh, I just remembered
that I left a cap
off the toothpaste at home.
- Terry...
Stay.
- Oh!
[grunts]
- Oh, my God!
Terry, are you okay?
- Ah, oh, no, no, my leg.
- Oh, my--
- [screams]
- Oh!
Oh.
- [grunting]
- Don't worry, I got you, papi.
- Y'all stop torturing
your daddy.
- Yeah, 'cause his ancient body
breakin' down and dyin'
and shit is torture enough.
- Shut up, Denise,
over there lookin' like
a cupcake from "Major Payne."
Ain't nobody dying.
I just tore my meniscus,
all right?
The doctor said that I'll be up
walking around
by the end of the month.
- Hmm.
- Hmm, how bad is your pain,
baby?
- [sighs]
Baby, it was about a nine,
but then doc gave me
these bad boys.
- Ooh, shit, T.
This that good shit.
- Mm-hmm.
- You gotta be careful
with these.
I tell you one thing.
They bring back
some memories for me--
some foggy-ass memories--
- Hey!
You not 'bout to steal
my purse, bitch.
Let this shit go!
- Pat, Pat, Pat--
- You better let this shit--
fuck it!
- So how did you say
this happened again, baby?
- Oh, hey, baby,
it wasn't nothing.
I just slipped
on some oil at work.
- Ugh,
these unsafe working conditions
at these corporate factories
are insane!
You know, I was reading
an article once--
- [clapping] No one cares.
- Guess who made
the top 500 on OnlyFans.
- [clapping] No one cares.
- Come through, top 500.
- How'd you pull that off?
- Some of the kids
from the gaming community
felt bad about Stephen's mom
embarrassing me,
so they had all their moms
buy ads on my OnlyFans,
and I already made $1,000.
- Damn, nephew,
I'm proud of you!
- [sighs]
Somebody cares.
- Pat, can I borrow a hunny?
- Nobody cares.
- What?
[phone vibrating]
- Who the hell is texting you
at this time of night?
Michelle?
[scoffs]
What the fuck?
[funky music]
- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪
♪ And she don't take
no stuff ♪
♪ She's a grown-ass woman,
and you can't get enough ♪
♪ She's a grown-ass woman
with family and kids ♪
♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪
♪ And it's
"The Ms. Pat Show" ♪