The Madame Blanc Mysteries (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - Episode #2.5 - full transcript
Dom, you took unauthorised
photos of a crime scene,
potentially
contaminating evidence.
If this gets out,
I'm in big trouble.
Hi, I'm Cooper.
Great name.
And I look forward to seeing
you again in a few hours,
glorious Gloria.
Bonjour, Simone.
I have a proposition for you.
Hallelujah!
No! They made us
both buttonholes!
THEY LAUGH
I wanna press that
for posterity.
Oh...
God love our Sharon...
bringing all the presents
back from the wedding.
She's the only one that
doesn't drink any more.
She's a slave to
that slimming club.
Shall we open our pressies?
Go on, then! Right...
This...
Oop! Lots of love...
Aunty Vera!
I'm in my 60s!
Does she really think I've never
made a piece of toast before?
Oh, it's retro. Like you!
You're not wrong!
Oh, look, she's put the
gift receipt in, bless her.
I'll trade it in
for some champagne!
THEY LAUGH
Right, this one...
from your Theresa.
Let's have a look.
A personalised
soap dispenser. Mm.
Just what we need!
Eh, did you see our Theresa's face
when she couldn't catch the bouquet?
I thought she was actually
gonna lamp someone!
THEY CHUCKLE
Ooh, this one looks nice.
Who's it from?
There's no gift card -
it must've fallen off.
Here, you open it. OK.
Ooh!
There's a pouch...
Ooh...
There's some age to them.
You can tell by the paper. Mm.
I'm not really up on this
sort of stuff, though.
I've never seen
anything like them.
I wonder who they're from?
Be one of my dealer mates.
I'll ring round tomorrow.
GRAVEL CRUNCHES,
BRICK CLATTERS
Did you hear that?
..No?
Oh, no...
I'm hearing things, now!
We'll get off first
thing in the morning, eh?
Sounds good.
I can't wait for you to meet
Jean. You're gonna love her.
I hope so, because I haven't really
liked any of your other friends,
to be honest! Eh?!
Well, I just like it me and you.
Just the two of us.
Yeah.
Go on, go and get me
some more champagne.
I'm on it.
HAMMERING ON GLASS
HE GASPS
Are you OK, darling?
Oh, my GOD.
What happened?
THEME MUSIC
♪ Do you remember the first time
♪ That my eyes set on you?
♪ Your smile came from nowhere
♪ For sometime never
or sometime soon
♪ The road is a long one
♪ I was lonely passing through
♪ I was only passing through. ♪
Ha! Jean!
Ah, how lovely to see ya!
Lovely to see you, too!
Jean, this is my
new husband, George.
Husband! Gonna have to
get used to saying that!
It's so lovely to meet you.
Lovely to meet you, too.
I tell you what, though, that
is the last time I get a bus
from the airport. That kid never
stopped screaming the whole journey!
Honestly!
Wait a minute, what...?
Oh... I'm getting straight on
the phone to that bus company.
Well, look, I'm sure
it was an accident.
It looks deliberate to me!
Oh, that's outrageous.
You can call on the way.
My house is only round
the corner - come on.
It's a new bag!
Sorry about that.
BOLT LIFTS
Here you go, darlings.
I hope you'll be comfy.
Oh, it's lovely!
Now, then...
No, it doesn't look like
they've taken anything.
Oh, that would've
been all you needed.
Look at you, going all Carmen
Miranda since living abroad!
It's the south of France!
Anyway, it covers a
multitude of sins, that.
Oh, I remember that.
Antiques fair, Skegness!
I thought I'd bagged a
lovely piece of Page pottery.
Until he put his glasses on!
It's such a bad copy,
I had to have it!
MOBILE BUZZES
I'll never live that down!
It's work - I should
probably take it.
Can you give me a minute?
Oh, yeah, course!
What happened?
I need to know everything.
How long have you got, kid?
Well, why don't we
start at the beginning?
What happened
between you and Alan?
Why did you break up? Well...
You know he was getting
more and more New Age,
which I didn't mind at all
when it first started...
Go on.
..but it all came to a head
when we got to Majorca.
He wouldn't let
us eat out. What?
Said that he could only eat
foods to "awaken his soul."
I tried my best, Jean, but
there's only so many times
you can have broccoli
for breakfast.
Oh! Really sorry, love.
We just grew into
different people.
We had ten great years
and we're fine now,
and actually, he's been
great about George.
So where did you meet George?
Antiques do in Mayfair.
He's a top sommelier.
Supplied the wine.
That's handy.
I know I'm punching
above my weight,
I mean, it's only been
three months, but...
I have never felt anything like
this before in my life, Jean.
He seems to know everything
I'm thinking about!
Hey...
You're only here once,
you should grab your happiness
with both hands. Yeah!
Oh, it's great to see you, Jean.
And you, love.
How was the wedding?
I'm so sorry I couldn't
make it. Don't be daft!
My lot were all
there, of course.
Anything for a free
drink, as you know!
Hey, our Theresa has had a perm that
makes her look like Kevin Keegan!
And we got some lovely gifts.
But the weirdest one...
..were these creepy
playing cards.
I don't know who
gave them to us.
I rang round all my
dealer mates who came,
but nobody would own up to them.
Ohh.
They're old, aren't they? Mm.
Not really my thing, but my
business partner will know.
Hey - look at that, there...
Jack of clubs, first card out.
That is a sign of
good luck. Yeah?
Well, it wasn't much good luck
on my wedding night, was it?
You know that mirror
in my pantry? Yeah?
It fell down and nearly
chopped my head off.
Blimey, you didn't mention that.
I know!
Put the fear of God into me!
I bet it did. Are you all
right now? Yeah, I'm fine.
Oh, right.
When George gets off the phone,
I'll show you around, eh?
Sounds great.
IN FRENCH:
You need my wife to get to Jean.
Yes.
I don't think Charlie's
gonna fall for a love letter.
She hasn't been to visit once
over the past six months.
Did you write down exactly
what I told you to? Yes.
Well, if she still loves you,
she'll be back, I promise.
Use your phone call to
tell me when she does.
And I'll tell you
what to ask next.
And you still agree to my fee?
Oh, I paid you well
last time, didn't I?
Yeah.
And to think I
was scared of you.
Well, you should be.
BELL RINGS
VOICE-OVER IN FRENCH:
SHE EXHALES
Yeah, massive bells.
I can see why you
live here, Jean.
Yeah, it's beautiful, but...
it's about the people, really.
I mean, when Rory died, there was
not much to keep me in Manchester.
In fact,
you're the first people that
I've shown around here. Yeah?
I must be staying! Yeah.
Do you fancy going to have a
look at the shop? BOTH: Yeah.
It's only down
here. Definitely.
That's a massive church.
Oh, they love a big church here.
Charlie must have nipped out.
Ohh...
Wow.
This place is amazing, Jean.
Well, we're getting there.
Oop...
Nice bit of Kintsugi
going on there. May I?
Yeah.
What's Kintsugi?
Well, "kin" means golden,
and "sugi" means to
join, so literally,
to join with gold.
The story goes that there
was a 15th-century Shogun
that broke his
favourite tea bowl,
and when it was repaired,
it was with awful metal pins.
So a craftsman filled all the
cracks with golden lacquer.
Yeah, so the cracks are
seen as beauty elements.
The philosophy being that we
should embrace our imperfections,
and think carefully before
we discard something
just because it's broken.
Like you did, George,
when you married me.
Ohh!
THEY LAUGH
Ooh...
Now, I like this.
So that's got pink and
turquoise opal on the handles.
Mm, I made a bomb
out of a black opal
when I was travelling
across Australia. Oh!
I'd like to buy this for you.
As a wedding gift.
Thanks, love, but don't get me
wrong, but... I don't want it.
I don't mean to be ungrateful,
it's just that I'm a bit
superstitious about opals.
The play of the
colours ever-changing -
I just don't trust
them. Suit yourself!
Well, I'd like to buy
it, I think it's lovely.
Well, to you, it is free.
Ooh! Oh, thank you!
Ooh,
before I forget, can you leave those
cards for Charlie to have a look at?
Oh, yeah, course. Here they are.
Well, they must be French, cos
they're in the Rouen style,
which was banned from being
imported to England in 1628...
The English ones
are much cruder.
There's a shock!
Oh, Charlie will know.
I'm starving. Let's
go to the pub.
I can safely say there is nothing
mechanically wrong with your car.
Oh, thanks, Glo, I've
been so worried about it.
Just can't afford for
the car to break down.
Ah, but I did find
these little fellas.
The noise was them rolling
about under the seat.
Oh, you've found them!
Are they your little
nephew's from when he stayed?
Yeah, yeah. That's right.
They're his jacks.
Thank you.
I'll have a sparkling water.
On the house. Thank
you very much.
Hm, there's more carbs on that
plate then I've eaten in a year!
Trying to keep myself trim for
George, but that ship's sailed!
Nothing like Alan, eh? No.
Is it true that you actually
ate broccoli for breakfast?
We ate it, we drank it,
in fact, there wasn't
much we didn't do with it.
Oh, aye?
No, not like that!
Oh, thank you. Thanks, love.
Here you go.
And one more of the same.
Enjoy your lunch and if
you need anything else,
don't hesitate to ask.
Niall, let me introduce you. This
is one of my dearest friends, David,
and this is his new
husband, George.
Lovely to meet you both.
I've forgotten your cutlery.
Just a minute. Oh,
Niall, come here.
SHE CHUCKLES
Who's that with Jean?
Old mate of hers.
Him and his fella have just
got married. Ahh, nice.
Yes, love is indeed in the
air at the moment, isn't it?
You are SO obvious.
What?
I didn't know Cooper
was a taxi driver.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
I've known you for
20 years, Dominic.
And you've always been very
transparent and a rubbish liar.
Thank you very much (!)
So... how's it
going with you two?
Great.
I really like him.
Someone to do nothing with.
What?
Me and you once said
it wasn't about finding
someone to do SOMETHING with,
it was about finding someone to
do nothing with, do you remember?
Yeah.
Yeah, I do, yeah.
I think you'll
really like him, Dom.
Well, he has got excellent
taste in women, so...
So I'm sure I will. Aww!
Come here. Oh, Dom
- thanks, love.
Happy for you,
love. Thanks, love.
Et voila! Oh, thank you!
SHE GIGGLES
I thought we deserved a treat.
Now, this is especially
for you, George,
being a top sommelier.
Go on, George, what is it?
It's a...?
A Chateau Simone Rouge!
Oh, of course!
Oh, well, thank you so
much - that's very kind.
Don't be fooled, George, she's
gagging for a glass. I am!
Hey, after this,
do you boys mind
going for an explore?
It's just I've got
loads of admin to do.
I'm dying for an explore. It's
like Disneyland round here.
I haven't seen so many
antiques on display
since my mother's am-dram
group did the Lion King!
THEY LAUGH
Jean!
Jean...
Where did they get
these cards from?
They were a wedding present.
From who?
They couldn't find
the gift card.
What's the matter?
Look at the Queen.
Each card of the Queen has
a mark of a winged serpent.
This means they were made
for La Voisin herself, hein?
Who? You don't know La Voisin?
The French sorceress
burnt at the stake?
Mm, like many innocent
women before her. Uh, non...
There was nothing
innocent about La Voisin.
She was evil,
through and through.
You have heard of
l'affaire de poisons
during the reign of Louis XIV?
Yeah, I do - that rings a bell.
Remind me.
Many fortune tellers
and alchemists
were suspected of selling not
only divinations and seances
and aphrodisiacs, but
also inheritance powders.
Inheritance powders?
Poisons.
They were rounded up and tried -
La Voisin's testimony implicated
the mistress of the king,
who claimed she had performed
Black Masses with her.
Black Masses? Ouai!
La Voisin was convicted of
witchcraft and poisoning,
and burnt in public on
the Place de Greve, Paris,
in 1680.
And you think these cards
actually belong to her?
Ben... The winged
serpent proves it, hein?
Jean, these are very, very rare.
And very, very cursed.
Ball park?
Bof...
Thousands, depending
on the buyer.
Wow, that's some wedding present.
They need to find the gift card!
Did you hear what I said,
Jean? They carry a curse, hein?
Yeah, curses!
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
Ooh, you beauty!
Hi, Maggie.
Oh, thanks for getting
back so quickly.
Well...
It is a bit of a
funny story, actually.
My friend David got married,
and he got the cards
as a wedding present.
No. No, not jewellery David, no.
No, ceramic David.
Well, I've just found out
they belonged to a
mad French witch!
Yeah.
La Voisin, yeah!
Well, first person I
thought of was you.
No, cos you like the, er...
Supernatural and all that.
Do you think you can
shift them for me?
GASPS Oh, Maggie,
that's fantastic.
LAUGHTER
So... Really?!
I need a very strong drink!
HE SHOUTS IN FRENCH
SHOUTS THREATS
Ah!
George?
MAN SHOUTS
Thank you for your statement.
I don't know about you, darling,
but I could do with a brandy. Yeah.
So, David, what do you remember?
I'll try my best, officer, but
I'm a bit of a mess, to be honest.
Take your time.
Um...
We were walking down the street,
when this man came out
of nowhere, screaming.
That must have been
terrifying, love.
Could you describe what
the man looked like?
As George has already
said, his face was covered!
We didn't see anything!
He's got to ask, love.
I know it's hard,
but just do your
best. Sorry, I, um...
He came at me. So...
You are sure he
came at you alone?
George says he came
at both of you.
Yeah, yeah - he
came at both of us.
I've never been more
scared in my entire life.
I can completely understand.
Have you any idea what
he was screaming at you?
No, it was all in French!
I knew I should have paid
more attention at school!
I think that is enough for now.
Thank you for your statements.
Thank you. St Victoire
is a small town.
I'm sure we will catch them.
Yeah, that's good
to know, thanks.
I will be in touch.
Thanks, Andre.
They've had such bad luck since
they got here, I'm so embarrassed.
Have you got any leads?
We do have someone who
says he saw what happened,
but he'd had a good few drinks,
so I don't how reliable he is.
It doesn't quite fit with
George's version of events.
What did he say?
Well, he says that the
cyclist seemed to steer
right into David's attacker.
Of course, it all
happened so fast.
Surely if that was the case,
he would have stayed around
to see if David was OK?
Made himself known?
Yes, that's what I thought.
He's got it wrong, clearly.
Go back to your friends,
I'll keep asking around.
We will do everything we can.
Thank you.
SHE SIGHS
Caron is a good copper.
I'm sure he'll do everything
he can. He seems really nice.
I feel terrible.
I just froze.
I should have helped.
It's OK, love.
It's a bit like closing
time when I was a kid.
Thank God that cyclist was
passing - I owe them a drink!
Ooh, David -
I do have some
good news... Go on.
Charlie had a look
at your cards...
That's nice of her. Yeah!
Well, she reckons they
were specifically made
for a 17th-century French witch
who was done for poisoning
and burnt at the stake!
She says they're worth
thousands to the right buyer!
17th-century French witch?
Do you mean La Voisin?
Yeah, that's her!
Did she say anything else?
Well,
she said they carry a curse,
but that's not your problem
once you sell them, is it?
A curse?
Jean, it's been nothing but bad
luck since I opened those cards!
Oh, David!
I told you! Before we left,
that mirror nearly
chopped my head off,
and then, the bag was slashed,
and then, somebody tried
to knife me in the street!
Look, that is all
awful, love, but...
what's that got to do
with a pack of cards?
Jean, it could have everything
to do with the cards. I mean,
that mirror had been on
the wall for ten years -
why did it fall then, at
that precise moment? Exactly.
I've just thought...
The slash mark on your bag...
it's in the shape of a letter V.
'Oh! I'm getting straight on
the phone to that bus company!'
'Look, I'm sure it
was an accident.'
Yes...
It's the witch, isn't it?
She's trying to make me go mad.
Oh, come on, David!
We trade in provenance,
not superstition!
Well, our spiritual journey
has opened David up somewhat.
Sorry?
We got married in a
spiritualist church.
Maybe that's why you're being
so sensitive at the moment,
because you're channelling...
dark energy? Yes.
It's the witch, isn't it?
She's trying to communicate.
Oh, come on!
Curses?
You just twisted psychology.
Sorry? Well, seeing patterns in
random events when there are none!
I think I'LL have a brandy.
DEEP SNORING
PHONE ALERT
It's her!
It's her...
It's her!
Le Voisin!
In the mirror!
W...
She...
COCKEREL CROWS
CICADAS CHIRP
I think we should
burn them to a cinder.
Don't you think we should find out
the facts before we go setting fire
to potentially thousands
of pounds? I saw her, Jean.
Last night, in the mirror.
She's coming to get me.
Who is?
Le Voisin!
The witch.
The facts are, Jean, she
will not stop until I'm dead.
Can I make a suggestion?
Now, what would Oprah say?
Oh, yeah.
"When you don't know
what to do, do nothing."
So why don't you
two do just that?
How do you mean?
Well, I'll go to work,
I'll get a second
opinion on the cards,
and you just stay here,
and relax?
I think that's a great idea.
Yeah.
It is - thanks, Jean.
That's my pleasure.
Take those things with you.
Help yourself to
anything you want.
And listen...
It's me. Jean.
I'm right here for you.
Thanks, Jean.
I'm just gonna go
and make some calls.
Are you OK? Yeah, yeah - fine.
I'll make us some
brunch when I'm done.
You just stay
there. Thanks, love.
Jean, I'd like to
apologise for my oversight.
Oversight?
Ahem...
IN A HIGH VOICE: Jean...
IN A DEEP VOICE: Jean...
Please can we be friends again?
I sound like a ten-year-old.
I have REALLY missed you.
HE GASPS
BANGING
Oi!
PUNCH IS THROWN,
SOMETHING CLATTERS
Com on, Dom.
You can do this.
Alan?
You know him? That's his ex.
Hi, I'm Dom. Jean's mate.
Alan is behind bars,
awaiting questioning.
Soon as there's any update,
Caron's gonna give us a call.
What happened? I would
never have believed this.
But I think Alan
was out to get you.
I think he was stalking you!
Oh, my God.
Thanks, Dom.
You're welcome.
Are you all right?
Yeah, yeah, fine. It's a
good job you were here.
Is it? FOOTSTEPS
No offence, Jean,
but we've given our statements
and I want David out of here, now.
Don't you think you should wait...
To find out what kind of maniac
Alan is? I think
it's pretty clear.
I have booked a hire car -
it should be here any minute.
We won't be staying.
My partner of ten years
was trying to kill me?
WE are going to go to Marseille.
And we are going to
begin our honeymoon.
Are you sure?
HORN HONKS
That'll be the hire car.
Oh...
Well, it's a bit sudden,
but... I suppose...
Are you ready, darling? Yeah.
Bye, love. Bye.
Jean, when you get this
message, can you get down here?
He says I am an
oppressor of the state
and he does not
recognise my authority.
He says he will
only speak with you.
Please hurry.
If there's anything you
need, just let me know, OK?
Thanks, Jean.
Love you, kid. Oh,
I love you too.
Well, it's... it's
lovely to meet you.
Look after each other, eh?
Thanks, Jean.
And thank you.
Pleasure.
CAR STARTS
And you expect me to
believe that? Yeah.
You have to believe me if
you want David to live.
Jean, I've been following David
to protect him from George!
Why does he need
protecting from George?
When we broke up,
I was devastated, but I left it
in the hands of the universe.
Then a friend came to me
with evidence that David
was gonna be George's
third husband -
the two previous husbands had died
within months of marrying him!
What evidence?
The marriage and the
death certificates.
I've been watching
David to protect him.
He'd never have believed
me if I'd have told him.
He... He's changed.
He's just completely
obsessed by him.
The morning of the wedding,
George was the last one out.
I watched him go
back into the pantry,
and tamper with the mirror.
He balanced the mirror right
on the edge of the door.
I knew that was meant for
David and David alone.
David was the first one into
the pantry when they got back.
To save him, I didn't
know what to do -
I just started banging on the
window, and that was enough
to stop him from walking
underneath the mirror.
SMASH
When I got here, I hired a
bike and I followed them.
I didn't know what was gonna
happen, but I knew something would.
Sure enough, it did.
George must have paid
that thug to knife David,
so I knocked him to the ground.
OTHER MAN SHOUTS
And the cushion?
MUFFLED CRIES
'I was watching through
the patio window,
'and George went behind
David with the cushion.
'I forced my way in and
punched him in the face!'
Eurgh!
If all this is true,
why didn't you just tell David
that George was trying to kill him?
Because he would never
have believed me!
George has been gaslighting him!
Well...
..he's certainly not
been himself lately.
Come on, Jean.
Two weddings and the corresponding
death certificates within months?
I'm telling you, David
is in grave danger!
I believe you.
Caron?
Did you hear all that? Oui.
We need to find David - now.
They're on their
way to Marseille.
There are two
roads to Marseille.
Dom... I need your help.
Why are we stopping here?
You know I've got vertigo.
You were feeling carsick
because you haven't eaten.
You know what you're like on
an empty stomach. I can't eat.
You need to pull
yourself together.
I'm sorry. I'm still in shock.
Alan trying to kill me?
Those cursed cards?
We'll flog them in
Marseille, get rid of them.
Hopefully, they'll
make thousands.
Fancy us thinking that
those cards were cursed,
when it was Alan
trying to kill you.
I still think the
cards are cursed.
You know you sound mad? Eh?
Seeing ghosts,
cursed cards.
You sound like a child.
George?
Put that thing away, you
know I can't stand opals.
George, if this is meant to be
kinky, it's not doing it for me.
Always the joker.
Get up.
George?
Get up!
By the way, I'm desperate.
You're not forgiven yet.
Thanks for your help, Dom.
I knew there was
something dodgy about him
when he didn't know what wine
I'd bought them in La Couronne.
Top wine expert, my foot.
So, he gets these fellas,
marries them, and
then bumps them off?
I know, it's hideous. But
he moves around so much,
they just can't pin
anything on him. Blimey.
That's a bold career
choice, innit?
Just move that wing
mirror for us, Jean?
SHE GASPS
That's how he did it!
Did what?
Made the infamous La Voisin
appear in my spare bedroom mirror.
I'd put a black shawl on top of
the dresser to hide a heat mark.
Ironically, you can't get a
decent French polisher over here.
You can't move for them
in Stockport. Yeah, go on.
Anyway, I found the shawl
under one of the pillows
when I was making their
bed up this morning.
He must have precisely
positioned the mirror,
put the shawl on,
looked into the mirror,
woke David up, scared him to death,
then pretended to wake up himself
to comfort him. SHE GASPS
You better put your foot down.
BOTH: It won't make
any difference.
It's only got one speed, this.
YOUR cards?
But why?
To send you mad.
Send me mad?
What are you talking about?
The cards, the mirror.
The luggage.
It was all me.
Do you know, you will
be my third husband...
deceased.
Third husband?
George, what...?
Please...
I've already found my fourth
- over here, actually.
You've got to move around.
It really is all too easy.
I thought we were in love...
You made me leave Alan.
I changed my life for you.
Yes - and thank you
for that, but...
Now, you're just a mad old man
with vertigo.
AFFECTED EMOTION: "I tried
to save David, but...
"the vertigo just
got too much for him.
"I think it was all the stress
that Alan put him under."
DEADPAN: It really is too easy.
George...
Please,
don't do this.
Please, I'm begging you!
Your pleading's
getting boring now.
One more step.
George, no!
Nobody calls me boring!
SIREN BLARES
Oh!
TAPS CAR ROOF TWICE
Blimey.
They've got a lot to
talk about, haven't they?
Yeah.
Yes, they have.
I knew it wasn't you.
Liar!
THEY LAUGH
We had some great
times, didn't we?
Do you remember when we found
that Andy Warhol painting
in my auntie Deedee's garage?
How could I forget?
You took it to
Sotheby's in a bin bag
and sold it for six grand!
She moved to San
Francisco last week.
Said she was never the same
after you lent her that
copy of Tales Of The City.
She's 89 with one lung and
half a hip - who insured her?
No insurance!
She stuck two fingers up to the
system and did what she wanted.
Just like you.
We've both changed, haven't we?
Yeah.
The bloke I met was first in the
queue for chips, curry and rice.
That's certainly
not me any more.
No.
Thanks for looking
out for me, Alan.
For being there.
I just wish you'd told me. And
would you have believed me?
No!
I can't half pick 'em, can't I?
The love of my life ends up
loving broccoli more than me,
so I marry the first
psycho I clap my eyes on.
THEY LAUGH
I hear you made up with Glo.
Didn't know we'd fallen out.
She said that you weren't answering
her calls or her texts. Yeah...
Well, I was a little bit gutted
she didn't mention
that taxi driver thing.
Well, she didn't know he was
one before he asked her out.
Yeah, that's what she said.
And even if she did, would
it have made a difference?
Mm, I don't know.
I'm just a little bit worried
this town ain't big
enough for the both of us.
SHE SNORTS
Yes, yes, I know, that makes
me sound like I'm in a western.
It's funny, that -
so does Cooper!
Because he's actually American.
See? I told you he was a cowboy!
Dom... thanks for today.
You were a proper superhero.
Listen, Jean... The reason
I came round... Yeah,
why were you round
when you caught Alan?
Well, I...
Look, I just wanted to
say how deeply sorry I am
for betraying your trust.
Don't... No, no - Jean...
Please. Let me finish.
I've proper missed you and
I'm dead mad at myself.
Come here.
DOOR OPENS
Bonjour, Simone.
DOOR SLAMS
photos of a crime scene,
potentially
contaminating evidence.
If this gets out,
I'm in big trouble.
Hi, I'm Cooper.
Great name.
And I look forward to seeing
you again in a few hours,
glorious Gloria.
Bonjour, Simone.
I have a proposition for you.
Hallelujah!
No! They made us
both buttonholes!
THEY LAUGH
I wanna press that
for posterity.
Oh...
God love our Sharon...
bringing all the presents
back from the wedding.
She's the only one that
doesn't drink any more.
She's a slave to
that slimming club.
Shall we open our pressies?
Go on, then! Right...
This...
Oop! Lots of love...
Aunty Vera!
I'm in my 60s!
Does she really think I've never
made a piece of toast before?
Oh, it's retro. Like you!
You're not wrong!
Oh, look, she's put the
gift receipt in, bless her.
I'll trade it in
for some champagne!
THEY LAUGH
Right, this one...
from your Theresa.
Let's have a look.
A personalised
soap dispenser. Mm.
Just what we need!
Eh, did you see our Theresa's face
when she couldn't catch the bouquet?
I thought she was actually
gonna lamp someone!
THEY CHUCKLE
Ooh, this one looks nice.
Who's it from?
There's no gift card -
it must've fallen off.
Here, you open it. OK.
Ooh!
There's a pouch...
Ooh...
There's some age to them.
You can tell by the paper. Mm.
I'm not really up on this
sort of stuff, though.
I've never seen
anything like them.
I wonder who they're from?
Be one of my dealer mates.
I'll ring round tomorrow.
GRAVEL CRUNCHES,
BRICK CLATTERS
Did you hear that?
..No?
Oh, no...
I'm hearing things, now!
We'll get off first
thing in the morning, eh?
Sounds good.
I can't wait for you to meet
Jean. You're gonna love her.
I hope so, because I haven't really
liked any of your other friends,
to be honest! Eh?!
Well, I just like it me and you.
Just the two of us.
Yeah.
Go on, go and get me
some more champagne.
I'm on it.
HAMMERING ON GLASS
HE GASPS
Are you OK, darling?
Oh, my GOD.
What happened?
THEME MUSIC
♪ Do you remember the first time
♪ That my eyes set on you?
♪ Your smile came from nowhere
♪ For sometime never
or sometime soon
♪ The road is a long one
♪ I was lonely passing through
♪ I was only passing through. ♪
Ha! Jean!
Ah, how lovely to see ya!
Lovely to see you, too!
Jean, this is my
new husband, George.
Husband! Gonna have to
get used to saying that!
It's so lovely to meet you.
Lovely to meet you, too.
I tell you what, though, that
is the last time I get a bus
from the airport. That kid never
stopped screaming the whole journey!
Honestly!
Wait a minute, what...?
Oh... I'm getting straight on
the phone to that bus company.
Well, look, I'm sure
it was an accident.
It looks deliberate to me!
Oh, that's outrageous.
You can call on the way.
My house is only round
the corner - come on.
It's a new bag!
Sorry about that.
BOLT LIFTS
Here you go, darlings.
I hope you'll be comfy.
Oh, it's lovely!
Now, then...
No, it doesn't look like
they've taken anything.
Oh, that would've
been all you needed.
Look at you, going all Carmen
Miranda since living abroad!
It's the south of France!
Anyway, it covers a
multitude of sins, that.
Oh, I remember that.
Antiques fair, Skegness!
I thought I'd bagged a
lovely piece of Page pottery.
Until he put his glasses on!
It's such a bad copy,
I had to have it!
MOBILE BUZZES
I'll never live that down!
It's work - I should
probably take it.
Can you give me a minute?
Oh, yeah, course!
What happened?
I need to know everything.
How long have you got, kid?
Well, why don't we
start at the beginning?
What happened
between you and Alan?
Why did you break up? Well...
You know he was getting
more and more New Age,
which I didn't mind at all
when it first started...
Go on.
..but it all came to a head
when we got to Majorca.
He wouldn't let
us eat out. What?
Said that he could only eat
foods to "awaken his soul."
I tried my best, Jean, but
there's only so many times
you can have broccoli
for breakfast.
Oh! Really sorry, love.
We just grew into
different people.
We had ten great years
and we're fine now,
and actually, he's been
great about George.
So where did you meet George?
Antiques do in Mayfair.
He's a top sommelier.
Supplied the wine.
That's handy.
I know I'm punching
above my weight,
I mean, it's only been
three months, but...
I have never felt anything like
this before in my life, Jean.
He seems to know everything
I'm thinking about!
Hey...
You're only here once,
you should grab your happiness
with both hands. Yeah!
Oh, it's great to see you, Jean.
And you, love.
How was the wedding?
I'm so sorry I couldn't
make it. Don't be daft!
My lot were all
there, of course.
Anything for a free
drink, as you know!
Hey, our Theresa has had a perm that
makes her look like Kevin Keegan!
And we got some lovely gifts.
But the weirdest one...
..were these creepy
playing cards.
I don't know who
gave them to us.
I rang round all my
dealer mates who came,
but nobody would own up to them.
Ohh.
They're old, aren't they? Mm.
Not really my thing, but my
business partner will know.
Hey - look at that, there...
Jack of clubs, first card out.
That is a sign of
good luck. Yeah?
Well, it wasn't much good luck
on my wedding night, was it?
You know that mirror
in my pantry? Yeah?
It fell down and nearly
chopped my head off.
Blimey, you didn't mention that.
I know!
Put the fear of God into me!
I bet it did. Are you all
right now? Yeah, I'm fine.
Oh, right.
When George gets off the phone,
I'll show you around, eh?
Sounds great.
IN FRENCH:
You need my wife to get to Jean.
Yes.
I don't think Charlie's
gonna fall for a love letter.
She hasn't been to visit once
over the past six months.
Did you write down exactly
what I told you to? Yes.
Well, if she still loves you,
she'll be back, I promise.
Use your phone call to
tell me when she does.
And I'll tell you
what to ask next.
And you still agree to my fee?
Oh, I paid you well
last time, didn't I?
Yeah.
And to think I
was scared of you.
Well, you should be.
BELL RINGS
VOICE-OVER IN FRENCH:
SHE EXHALES
Yeah, massive bells.
I can see why you
live here, Jean.
Yeah, it's beautiful, but...
it's about the people, really.
I mean, when Rory died, there was
not much to keep me in Manchester.
In fact,
you're the first people that
I've shown around here. Yeah?
I must be staying! Yeah.
Do you fancy going to have a
look at the shop? BOTH: Yeah.
It's only down
here. Definitely.
That's a massive church.
Oh, they love a big church here.
Charlie must have nipped out.
Ohh...
Wow.
This place is amazing, Jean.
Well, we're getting there.
Oop...
Nice bit of Kintsugi
going on there. May I?
Yeah.
What's Kintsugi?
Well, "kin" means golden,
and "sugi" means to
join, so literally,
to join with gold.
The story goes that there
was a 15th-century Shogun
that broke his
favourite tea bowl,
and when it was repaired,
it was with awful metal pins.
So a craftsman filled all the
cracks with golden lacquer.
Yeah, so the cracks are
seen as beauty elements.
The philosophy being that we
should embrace our imperfections,
and think carefully before
we discard something
just because it's broken.
Like you did, George,
when you married me.
Ohh!
THEY LAUGH
Ooh...
Now, I like this.
So that's got pink and
turquoise opal on the handles.
Mm, I made a bomb
out of a black opal
when I was travelling
across Australia. Oh!
I'd like to buy this for you.
As a wedding gift.
Thanks, love, but don't get me
wrong, but... I don't want it.
I don't mean to be ungrateful,
it's just that I'm a bit
superstitious about opals.
The play of the
colours ever-changing -
I just don't trust
them. Suit yourself!
Well, I'd like to buy
it, I think it's lovely.
Well, to you, it is free.
Ooh! Oh, thank you!
Ooh,
before I forget, can you leave those
cards for Charlie to have a look at?
Oh, yeah, course. Here they are.
Well, they must be French, cos
they're in the Rouen style,
which was banned from being
imported to England in 1628...
The English ones
are much cruder.
There's a shock!
Oh, Charlie will know.
I'm starving. Let's
go to the pub.
I can safely say there is nothing
mechanically wrong with your car.
Oh, thanks, Glo, I've
been so worried about it.
Just can't afford for
the car to break down.
Ah, but I did find
these little fellas.
The noise was them rolling
about under the seat.
Oh, you've found them!
Are they your little
nephew's from when he stayed?
Yeah, yeah. That's right.
They're his jacks.
Thank you.
I'll have a sparkling water.
On the house. Thank
you very much.
Hm, there's more carbs on that
plate then I've eaten in a year!
Trying to keep myself trim for
George, but that ship's sailed!
Nothing like Alan, eh? No.
Is it true that you actually
ate broccoli for breakfast?
We ate it, we drank it,
in fact, there wasn't
much we didn't do with it.
Oh, aye?
No, not like that!
Oh, thank you. Thanks, love.
Here you go.
And one more of the same.
Enjoy your lunch and if
you need anything else,
don't hesitate to ask.
Niall, let me introduce you. This
is one of my dearest friends, David,
and this is his new
husband, George.
Lovely to meet you both.
I've forgotten your cutlery.
Just a minute. Oh,
Niall, come here.
SHE CHUCKLES
Who's that with Jean?
Old mate of hers.
Him and his fella have just
got married. Ahh, nice.
Yes, love is indeed in the
air at the moment, isn't it?
You are SO obvious.
What?
I didn't know Cooper
was a taxi driver.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
I've known you for
20 years, Dominic.
And you've always been very
transparent and a rubbish liar.
Thank you very much (!)
So... how's it
going with you two?
Great.
I really like him.
Someone to do nothing with.
What?
Me and you once said
it wasn't about finding
someone to do SOMETHING with,
it was about finding someone to
do nothing with, do you remember?
Yeah.
Yeah, I do, yeah.
I think you'll
really like him, Dom.
Well, he has got excellent
taste in women, so...
So I'm sure I will. Aww!
Come here. Oh, Dom
- thanks, love.
Happy for you,
love. Thanks, love.
Et voila! Oh, thank you!
SHE GIGGLES
I thought we deserved a treat.
Now, this is especially
for you, George,
being a top sommelier.
Go on, George, what is it?
It's a...?
A Chateau Simone Rouge!
Oh, of course!
Oh, well, thank you so
much - that's very kind.
Don't be fooled, George, she's
gagging for a glass. I am!
Hey, after this,
do you boys mind
going for an explore?
It's just I've got
loads of admin to do.
I'm dying for an explore. It's
like Disneyland round here.
I haven't seen so many
antiques on display
since my mother's am-dram
group did the Lion King!
THEY LAUGH
Jean!
Jean...
Where did they get
these cards from?
They were a wedding present.
From who?
They couldn't find
the gift card.
What's the matter?
Look at the Queen.
Each card of the Queen has
a mark of a winged serpent.
This means they were made
for La Voisin herself, hein?
Who? You don't know La Voisin?
The French sorceress
burnt at the stake?
Mm, like many innocent
women before her. Uh, non...
There was nothing
innocent about La Voisin.
She was evil,
through and through.
You have heard of
l'affaire de poisons
during the reign of Louis XIV?
Yeah, I do - that rings a bell.
Remind me.
Many fortune tellers
and alchemists
were suspected of selling not
only divinations and seances
and aphrodisiacs, but
also inheritance powders.
Inheritance powders?
Poisons.
They were rounded up and tried -
La Voisin's testimony implicated
the mistress of the king,
who claimed she had performed
Black Masses with her.
Black Masses? Ouai!
La Voisin was convicted of
witchcraft and poisoning,
and burnt in public on
the Place de Greve, Paris,
in 1680.
And you think these cards
actually belong to her?
Ben... The winged
serpent proves it, hein?
Jean, these are very, very rare.
And very, very cursed.
Ball park?
Bof...
Thousands, depending
on the buyer.
Wow, that's some wedding present.
They need to find the gift card!
Did you hear what I said,
Jean? They carry a curse, hein?
Yeah, curses!
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
Ooh, you beauty!
Hi, Maggie.
Oh, thanks for getting
back so quickly.
Well...
It is a bit of a
funny story, actually.
My friend David got married,
and he got the cards
as a wedding present.
No. No, not jewellery David, no.
No, ceramic David.
Well, I've just found out
they belonged to a
mad French witch!
Yeah.
La Voisin, yeah!
Well, first person I
thought of was you.
No, cos you like the, er...
Supernatural and all that.
Do you think you can
shift them for me?
GASPS Oh, Maggie,
that's fantastic.
LAUGHTER
So... Really?!
I need a very strong drink!
HE SHOUTS IN FRENCH
SHOUTS THREATS
Ah!
George?
MAN SHOUTS
Thank you for your statement.
I don't know about you, darling,
but I could do with a brandy. Yeah.
So, David, what do you remember?
I'll try my best, officer, but
I'm a bit of a mess, to be honest.
Take your time.
Um...
We were walking down the street,
when this man came out
of nowhere, screaming.
That must have been
terrifying, love.
Could you describe what
the man looked like?
As George has already
said, his face was covered!
We didn't see anything!
He's got to ask, love.
I know it's hard,
but just do your
best. Sorry, I, um...
He came at me. So...
You are sure he
came at you alone?
George says he came
at both of you.
Yeah, yeah - he
came at both of us.
I've never been more
scared in my entire life.
I can completely understand.
Have you any idea what
he was screaming at you?
No, it was all in French!
I knew I should have paid
more attention at school!
I think that is enough for now.
Thank you for your statements.
Thank you. St Victoire
is a small town.
I'm sure we will catch them.
Yeah, that's good
to know, thanks.
I will be in touch.
Thanks, Andre.
They've had such bad luck since
they got here, I'm so embarrassed.
Have you got any leads?
We do have someone who
says he saw what happened,
but he'd had a good few drinks,
so I don't how reliable he is.
It doesn't quite fit with
George's version of events.
What did he say?
Well, he says that the
cyclist seemed to steer
right into David's attacker.
Of course, it all
happened so fast.
Surely if that was the case,
he would have stayed around
to see if David was OK?
Made himself known?
Yes, that's what I thought.
He's got it wrong, clearly.
Go back to your friends,
I'll keep asking around.
We will do everything we can.
Thank you.
SHE SIGHS
Caron is a good copper.
I'm sure he'll do everything
he can. He seems really nice.
I feel terrible.
I just froze.
I should have helped.
It's OK, love.
It's a bit like closing
time when I was a kid.
Thank God that cyclist was
passing - I owe them a drink!
Ooh, David -
I do have some
good news... Go on.
Charlie had a look
at your cards...
That's nice of her. Yeah!
Well, she reckons they
were specifically made
for a 17th-century French witch
who was done for poisoning
and burnt at the stake!
She says they're worth
thousands to the right buyer!
17th-century French witch?
Do you mean La Voisin?
Yeah, that's her!
Did she say anything else?
Well,
she said they carry a curse,
but that's not your problem
once you sell them, is it?
A curse?
Jean, it's been nothing but bad
luck since I opened those cards!
Oh, David!
I told you! Before we left,
that mirror nearly
chopped my head off,
and then, the bag was slashed,
and then, somebody tried
to knife me in the street!
Look, that is all
awful, love, but...
what's that got to do
with a pack of cards?
Jean, it could have everything
to do with the cards. I mean,
that mirror had been on
the wall for ten years -
why did it fall then, at
that precise moment? Exactly.
I've just thought...
The slash mark on your bag...
it's in the shape of a letter V.
'Oh! I'm getting straight on
the phone to that bus company!'
'Look, I'm sure it
was an accident.'
Yes...
It's the witch, isn't it?
She's trying to make me go mad.
Oh, come on, David!
We trade in provenance,
not superstition!
Well, our spiritual journey
has opened David up somewhat.
Sorry?
We got married in a
spiritualist church.
Maybe that's why you're being
so sensitive at the moment,
because you're channelling...
dark energy? Yes.
It's the witch, isn't it?
She's trying to communicate.
Oh, come on!
Curses?
You just twisted psychology.
Sorry? Well, seeing patterns in
random events when there are none!
I think I'LL have a brandy.
DEEP SNORING
PHONE ALERT
It's her!
It's her...
It's her!
Le Voisin!
In the mirror!
W...
She...
COCKEREL CROWS
CICADAS CHIRP
I think we should
burn them to a cinder.
Don't you think we should find out
the facts before we go setting fire
to potentially thousands
of pounds? I saw her, Jean.
Last night, in the mirror.
She's coming to get me.
Who is?
Le Voisin!
The witch.
The facts are, Jean, she
will not stop until I'm dead.
Can I make a suggestion?
Now, what would Oprah say?
Oh, yeah.
"When you don't know
what to do, do nothing."
So why don't you
two do just that?
How do you mean?
Well, I'll go to work,
I'll get a second
opinion on the cards,
and you just stay here,
and relax?
I think that's a great idea.
Yeah.
It is - thanks, Jean.
That's my pleasure.
Take those things with you.
Help yourself to
anything you want.
And listen...
It's me. Jean.
I'm right here for you.
Thanks, Jean.
I'm just gonna go
and make some calls.
Are you OK? Yeah, yeah - fine.
I'll make us some
brunch when I'm done.
You just stay
there. Thanks, love.
Jean, I'd like to
apologise for my oversight.
Oversight?
Ahem...
IN A HIGH VOICE: Jean...
IN A DEEP VOICE: Jean...
Please can we be friends again?
I sound like a ten-year-old.
I have REALLY missed you.
HE GASPS
BANGING
Oi!
PUNCH IS THROWN,
SOMETHING CLATTERS
Com on, Dom.
You can do this.
Alan?
You know him? That's his ex.
Hi, I'm Dom. Jean's mate.
Alan is behind bars,
awaiting questioning.
Soon as there's any update,
Caron's gonna give us a call.
What happened? I would
never have believed this.
But I think Alan
was out to get you.
I think he was stalking you!
Oh, my God.
Thanks, Dom.
You're welcome.
Are you all right?
Yeah, yeah, fine. It's a
good job you were here.
Is it? FOOTSTEPS
No offence, Jean,
but we've given our statements
and I want David out of here, now.
Don't you think you should wait...
To find out what kind of maniac
Alan is? I think
it's pretty clear.
I have booked a hire car -
it should be here any minute.
We won't be staying.
My partner of ten years
was trying to kill me?
WE are going to go to Marseille.
And we are going to
begin our honeymoon.
Are you sure?
HORN HONKS
That'll be the hire car.
Oh...
Well, it's a bit sudden,
but... I suppose...
Are you ready, darling? Yeah.
Bye, love. Bye.
Jean, when you get this
message, can you get down here?
He says I am an
oppressor of the state
and he does not
recognise my authority.
He says he will
only speak with you.
Please hurry.
If there's anything you
need, just let me know, OK?
Thanks, Jean.
Love you, kid. Oh,
I love you too.
Well, it's... it's
lovely to meet you.
Look after each other, eh?
Thanks, Jean.
And thank you.
Pleasure.
CAR STARTS
And you expect me to
believe that? Yeah.
You have to believe me if
you want David to live.
Jean, I've been following David
to protect him from George!
Why does he need
protecting from George?
When we broke up,
I was devastated, but I left it
in the hands of the universe.
Then a friend came to me
with evidence that David
was gonna be George's
third husband -
the two previous husbands had died
within months of marrying him!
What evidence?
The marriage and the
death certificates.
I've been watching
David to protect him.
He'd never have believed
me if I'd have told him.
He... He's changed.
He's just completely
obsessed by him.
The morning of the wedding,
George was the last one out.
I watched him go
back into the pantry,
and tamper with the mirror.
He balanced the mirror right
on the edge of the door.
I knew that was meant for
David and David alone.
David was the first one into
the pantry when they got back.
To save him, I didn't
know what to do -
I just started banging on the
window, and that was enough
to stop him from walking
underneath the mirror.
SMASH
When I got here, I hired a
bike and I followed them.
I didn't know what was gonna
happen, but I knew something would.
Sure enough, it did.
George must have paid
that thug to knife David,
so I knocked him to the ground.
OTHER MAN SHOUTS
And the cushion?
MUFFLED CRIES
'I was watching through
the patio window,
'and George went behind
David with the cushion.
'I forced my way in and
punched him in the face!'
Eurgh!
If all this is true,
why didn't you just tell David
that George was trying to kill him?
Because he would never
have believed me!
George has been gaslighting him!
Well...
..he's certainly not
been himself lately.
Come on, Jean.
Two weddings and the corresponding
death certificates within months?
I'm telling you, David
is in grave danger!
I believe you.
Caron?
Did you hear all that? Oui.
We need to find David - now.
They're on their
way to Marseille.
There are two
roads to Marseille.
Dom... I need your help.
Why are we stopping here?
You know I've got vertigo.
You were feeling carsick
because you haven't eaten.
You know what you're like on
an empty stomach. I can't eat.
You need to pull
yourself together.
I'm sorry. I'm still in shock.
Alan trying to kill me?
Those cursed cards?
We'll flog them in
Marseille, get rid of them.
Hopefully, they'll
make thousands.
Fancy us thinking that
those cards were cursed,
when it was Alan
trying to kill you.
I still think the
cards are cursed.
You know you sound mad? Eh?
Seeing ghosts,
cursed cards.
You sound like a child.
George?
Put that thing away, you
know I can't stand opals.
George, if this is meant to be
kinky, it's not doing it for me.
Always the joker.
Get up.
George?
Get up!
By the way, I'm desperate.
You're not forgiven yet.
Thanks for your help, Dom.
I knew there was
something dodgy about him
when he didn't know what wine
I'd bought them in La Couronne.
Top wine expert, my foot.
So, he gets these fellas,
marries them, and
then bumps them off?
I know, it's hideous. But
he moves around so much,
they just can't pin
anything on him. Blimey.
That's a bold career
choice, innit?
Just move that wing
mirror for us, Jean?
SHE GASPS
That's how he did it!
Did what?
Made the infamous La Voisin
appear in my spare bedroom mirror.
I'd put a black shawl on top of
the dresser to hide a heat mark.
Ironically, you can't get a
decent French polisher over here.
You can't move for them
in Stockport. Yeah, go on.
Anyway, I found the shawl
under one of the pillows
when I was making their
bed up this morning.
He must have precisely
positioned the mirror,
put the shawl on,
looked into the mirror,
woke David up, scared him to death,
then pretended to wake up himself
to comfort him. SHE GASPS
You better put your foot down.
BOTH: It won't make
any difference.
It's only got one speed, this.
YOUR cards?
But why?
To send you mad.
Send me mad?
What are you talking about?
The cards, the mirror.
The luggage.
It was all me.
Do you know, you will
be my third husband...
deceased.
Third husband?
George, what...?
Please...
I've already found my fourth
- over here, actually.
You've got to move around.
It really is all too easy.
I thought we were in love...
You made me leave Alan.
I changed my life for you.
Yes - and thank you
for that, but...
Now, you're just a mad old man
with vertigo.
AFFECTED EMOTION: "I tried
to save David, but...
"the vertigo just
got too much for him.
"I think it was all the stress
that Alan put him under."
DEADPAN: It really is too easy.
George...
Please,
don't do this.
Please, I'm begging you!
Your pleading's
getting boring now.
One more step.
George, no!
Nobody calls me boring!
SIREN BLARES
Oh!
TAPS CAR ROOF TWICE
Blimey.
They've got a lot to
talk about, haven't they?
Yeah.
Yes, they have.
I knew it wasn't you.
Liar!
THEY LAUGH
We had some great
times, didn't we?
Do you remember when we found
that Andy Warhol painting
in my auntie Deedee's garage?
How could I forget?
You took it to
Sotheby's in a bin bag
and sold it for six grand!
She moved to San
Francisco last week.
Said she was never the same
after you lent her that
copy of Tales Of The City.
She's 89 with one lung and
half a hip - who insured her?
No insurance!
She stuck two fingers up to the
system and did what she wanted.
Just like you.
We've both changed, haven't we?
Yeah.
The bloke I met was first in the
queue for chips, curry and rice.
That's certainly
not me any more.
No.
Thanks for looking
out for me, Alan.
For being there.
I just wish you'd told me. And
would you have believed me?
No!
I can't half pick 'em, can't I?
The love of my life ends up
loving broccoli more than me,
so I marry the first
psycho I clap my eyes on.
THEY LAUGH
I hear you made up with Glo.
Didn't know we'd fallen out.
She said that you weren't answering
her calls or her texts. Yeah...
Well, I was a little bit gutted
she didn't mention
that taxi driver thing.
Well, she didn't know he was
one before he asked her out.
Yeah, that's what she said.
And even if she did, would
it have made a difference?
Mm, I don't know.
I'm just a little bit worried
this town ain't big
enough for the both of us.
SHE SNORTS
Yes, yes, I know, that makes
me sound like I'm in a western.
It's funny, that -
so does Cooper!
Because he's actually American.
See? I told you he was a cowboy!
Dom... thanks for today.
You were a proper superhero.
Listen, Jean... The reason
I came round... Yeah,
why were you round
when you caught Alan?
Well, I...
Look, I just wanted to
say how deeply sorry I am
for betraying your trust.
Don't... No, no - Jean...
Please. Let me finish.
I've proper missed you and
I'm dead mad at myself.
Come here.
DOOR OPENS
Bonjour, Simone.
DOOR SLAMS