The Loud House (2016–…): Season 3, Episode 9 - The Mad Scientist/Missed Connection - full transcript

- ♪ Crashing through the crowded halls ♪
♪ Dodging girls like Ping-Pong balls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's got to do what he can to survive ♪
- ♪ In the Loud house
♪ In the Loud house
- ♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪
♪ Is how we show our love
- ♪ In the Loud house, in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ One boy and ten girls
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
- ♪ Loud Loud Loud
♪ Loud house
- Poo-poo.
[lilting orchestral music]
♪
- It was Einstein who first proposed the idea
of time travel via wormholes, but now I, Lisa Loud,
have come very close to actually creating one.
All I need to figure out is how to harness
the necessary energy to--
Aah! - I need you to take my pulse.
I'm working on a breathing technique that
lowers my heart rate to the point of barely being alive.
- Nope, still quite robust.
- Dang it, I hate robust. - Pardon the interruption.
As I was saying--
- Hey, Lis! We need your help.
We found this cupcake behind the radiator,
it's got a little mold on it, but can we still eat it?
- Well, only if you wanna ingest gangrenous ergotism,
alimentary toxic aleukia, or Stachybotrys chartarum.
- Eh, no thanks.
- [swallowing] You had me at gangrenous.
- Apologies, once again. Now, to continue--
[electric guitar wails] - Yo, brain-box,
I'm playing a gig at Sunset Canyon tonight
and I need to make sure the oldies can hear me.
Can you measure my decibel level?
- Not right now-- [electric guitar wails]
[sighs] I think you should be fine.
Which is more than I can say for my beaker collection.
I'm so sorry, it's not easy being a research scientist
in a household populated by uncouth, disorderly siblings.
I look forward to the day when I'll have somewhere quiet
to work. - Well, why not today?
You're welcome to come spend this afternoon
here at the institute.
We have top-notch facilities where you could continue
your research free of distractions.
- Really? That sounds phenomenal!
I'd say I have butterflies but we both know that it's just
the reduction of blood flow to my stomach.
- [scientists chuckling]
- [Lynn farts] Boom!
- How soon can I come?
- Lisa!
So glad you could join us for the day.
Let me give you the tour. Over there is our biosphere.
Through that door is our nuclear fission facility.
And those are the restrooms.
- So when does the bathroom line typically form?
I'd like to arrive early so I don't waste
valuable research time.
- There's never a line. - Shut the anterior entryway!
- In here is the crown jewel of the institute:
Our research laboratory.
It's at your disposal. Enjoy the quiet afternoon.
- Erlenmeyer flasks?
2,000 milliliter beakers? [gasps]
This place is every four-year-old's dream...
[sighs]
♪ The only gases I smell are the noble kind ♪
♪ There's no better place for my scientific mind ♪
♪ Look, it's a chimp
♪ I can observe how it swings
♪ This lab's so amazing it's making me sing ♪
♪ With so many test tubes my tests won't go wrong ♪
♪ This lab is where I belong
♪
♪ No wailing guitars, and no spooky sis ♪
♪ No cupcake dilemmas
♪ You can even hear this
[tinging]
- Shhh.
♪ It's quantum equations, it's Saturn's bright rings ♪
♪ When you're working with colleagues ♪
♪ And not with your siblings
♪ With such fine equipment, my work can't go wrong ♪
♪ All my neurons are firing
♪ This is where I be-lonnnnnnng! ♪
Esteemed colleagues, I believe I have cracked it.
By combining super magnets,
nuclear fission, and banana peels,
one can produce the necessary energy
to open a wormhole large enough for a human being
to pass through.
Boom. Time travel.
- Brilliant! An epic achievement.
- Thank you, Dr. Jellson. I couldn't have done it without
the opportunity to work in such an optimal environment.
I also had a marvelous time in the bathroom.
In fact, I think I'll visit it on the way out.
- Wait! You don't have to go.
Look at all you've accomplished in half a day.
Imagine if you were here full time!
- I'm honored.
I'd say I have a lump in my throat, but we both know
it's merely the tightening of my esophageal sphincter.
- You wanna stay there? I don't understand honey,
what's wrong with working from home?
[chaotic yelling]
- It has it's distractions.
- Okay, true, but that doesn't mean you have
to leave your family and move to some institute.
- What? - Wait, Lisa's leaving us?
- What's an institute?
- Honey, you've never been away from home.
Plus, you're four.
- I anticipated this reaction and so I constructed
this pie chart, detailing my psychological make-up.
The green area represents scientific pursuit,
which, as you can see, makes up 97%.
The orange slice, at 2%, represents my affinity
for West Coast Rap.
And finally, the blue sliver, at 1%,
represents my emotional attachments.
- Dang. You're as cold as ice, brah.
- All I'm saying is that research is my life
and this is a huge opportunity.
- Huh. What do you think, honey?
- Well, sweetie, you've always been...
independent.
I guess we can give it a try.
- Yes!
[all groaning]
- I call dibs on her room! Oh wait, Lily's in that room.
Never mind. - Poo-poo!
[blows raspberry]
- [cries]
- Now, now, pater familias. What you're experiencing
is merely the release of an endorphin called
leucine-enkephalin, which helps to improve mood
and rid the body of toxins. You'll be over it shortly.
- [dad blubbering]
- Some people take longer than others.
[stomach growling] Hmmm.
That's an unexpected reaction.
[stomach growls] Oh, it's my tummy.
Six o' clock already?
Wow, time sure flies when you're synthesizing chemicals.
[upbeat music]
I'm so hungry, I could eat an equus caballus.
What in the name of Pythagoras is this?
- It's a nutrient-rich cube filled with all
the essential vitamins one needs
for maximum brain efficiency.
- Whilst I see the merits,
it's not exactly my father's meatloaf.
- Try not to fill up. There's mint chip ice cream
for dessert. - Ooh, Now you're talking--
Ow! - In injection form, of course.
- Sprinkles? - No, no, I'm good!
Greetings, Colleagues.
Anyone down for some "Dream Boat"?
Announcer: Coming up on "The Dream Boat..."
- What, you guys don't know "The Dream Boat"?
It's my family's favorite show! Oh, you're in for a treat!
Let me just catch you up a little bit.
Last season, Karen made Blaine walk the plank,
but now he's the one setting sail for love,
and these gals here are--
[boat horn]
Oh.
Huh, what's this? "Dear sis...
Huh, how thoughtful, I suppose I could go for a snack.
Shouldn't be too hard to figure this out.
I mean, I did crack time travel today.
How does he do it?
Ugh, eh, ooh, oh.
Darn zipper! Eh, why is this so hard?
[playful music]
[sighs] That's why.
Grrrr.
Why am I having so much trouble falling asleep?
- "Goodnight, Mr. Cow. Goodnight, Mrs. Sheep.
The sun has gone down, it's time now for sleep."
- Oh, that's why.
Newtonian Physics Vol. 1?
Hmm, I guess this will do.
[snoring, muttering]
[gasps]
Mother, Father? I had a nightmare!
Oh, right. I'm not home.
[sniffling]
Salinity filled fluid leaking
from my nasolacrimal duct...
Slippery secretion from my mucous membranes?
This can only lead me to one conclusion...
Family, I've called to correct my earlier findings.
I now have a more accurate understanding
of my psychological makeup.
As you can see from this revised pie chart,
West Coast Rap still stands at 2%.
But scientific pursuit is now 48%
and emotional attachment has expanded to a whopping 50%.
What I am trying to say is, you guys mean a lot to me.
I'm sorry I didn't see that until now.
I really miss you.
All: Awwwwww!
- Honey, we miss you too. - Why don't you come home?
All: Yeah, come home!
- Well, I'd love to, but I'm afraid that's not possible.
Leaving now would cause irreparable damage
to my reputation and future career prospects.
- Aw, if only you could go back in time and never visit
that weird old science place to begin with.
- Aw, sweet, simple Leni.
I'm afraid it doesn't work that way.
Anyway, family, I better go.
I have to prepare another presentation on time travel.
[gasps] Hmmm.
[dramatic music]
Okay.
Magnets, plutonium, banana peels.
[time machine whirring]
Let's hope my theory actually works.
[whirring, electricity crackling]
Yes, the wormhole!
Hope you're watching this, Einstein!
Here goes nothing.
Better not end up in the Dark Ages.
computer: Transport to 9:27 a.m. yesterday.
[electricity crackles, thuds]
- [grunts]
I made it!
Yep, all eleven toes, still there.
- [coos]
- Shhh.
Someday I'll explain it to you.
- You're welcome to come spend this afternoon
here at the institute.
We have top notch facilities where you could continue
your research free of distractions.
- A very generous offer, Doctor J.
but I'm good right here where I belong.
Hey Lincoln, think I could get one of your famous PB&Js?
- Lisa-style, coming right up!
- [strains]
[farts] Boom!
- [giggling]
- [sighs] Home sweet home.
[rock music]
♪
- [sighs] Time for my four o'clock call
with Bobby, literally the highlight of my day.
[phone buzzing]
- Roberto, come quick! The freezer case is having
another meltdown! Yow!
- I'm on it, Grandpa!
[phone buzzes]
[line trilling] - Huh, that's weird.
Why isn't he picking up?
- Think you can get the last of this, Lalo?
I gotta call Lori back.
- [barks]
[phone buzzing]
- [screaming] Why is a snake
in my sock drawer?
- She needed a warm spot to lay eggs.
- Why isn't she answering?
Oh, is she upset that I didn't pick up before?
[snakes hissing]
[phone buzzing]
- Hi, Boo Boo Bear! - Hey, babe!
Both: Sorry I missed your... Oh, you go.
- So I have to tell you this crazy story
about the freezer case-- - Aaah! Not another one!
- Oh, I thought you liked my stories.
- No, no, no. It's not that.
I thought I sat on a baby snake but it's just a scrunchie.
- Ugh, well that was a dumb idea.
- What? I didn't do it on purpose.
- Huh, no, not you babe. I accidentally made Lalo hurl.
But I'll clean it up later. So what were we talking about?
- The freezer case? - Oh, right.
Uh, actually, you don't want to hear about that.
It's boring. Let's talk about your day.
- Oh, okay, you won't believe
what happened in math-- ah, actually...
that's kinda boring too.
Both: Well, you probably wanna--
sorry you go--
wait, you have to go?
um, okay, well, love you.
bye?
- Dinner's in 5. Trying a new thing with cod f--
- Dinner's in 5, Grandma's making, you know, everything--
dude, are you crying?
- [crying] - What's wrong, kiddo?
- Bobby and I... - Lori and I...
Both: Just had the most awkward conversation ever!
- Aha, stay here, I'll get backup!
- Uh, this isn't really my department--
- But it is ours!
- Why was it so hard to talk?
- Is the distance getting to us?
Both: Are we losing our connection?
- Yes, it is hopeless. You should let Lori be free
to find a real man. - Carl, why don't you go use
the potty before dinner?
Don't worry, Bobby. You know, your aunt and I were
long distance sweethearts while she was in art school.
- Aw, your dad and I had to be apart for a month
while he had mono. - Those ding-dang karaoke mics
are just dripping with germs! - Dad, ew.
- But even when you are separated by miles,
you can still keep the passion of your hearts aflame.
[purring]
- Aunt Frida, ew.
- It's all about stepping up your game and showing you care.
Both: Hmmm.
[cars honking] [phone dialing]
Royal Woods Pizza?
I'd like to order a very special pie
for a very special lady--
[doorbell rings]
- Hi, I have a delivery for the--
- Ooh, Pizza!
Why's it shaped like a heart?
- Uh, I think it's supposed to be a butt!
- Oh, yeah!
[both munching]
- Mm, I like butt.
- And make the headline say,
"Babe and Boo Boo Bear named couple of the year!"
[gasps] Bobby's gonna love this!
- I didn't buy a newspaper subscription.
I get my news the old-fashioned way:
Through gossip!
- [squawks] Special Delivery!
[splattering]
- Why hasn't Lori said... - Why hasn't Bobby said...
- anything about the pizza? - anything about the newspaper?
- Did she think it was lame? - Did he think it was lame?
Both: Ugh!
- I'm a terrible boyfriend. - I'm a terrible girlfriend.
Both: I have to try harder!
- Hey babe, I'm making a video of my life at the bodega
so you can feel like you're here with me!
Look, I moved the chips closer to the salsa.
So much better right? Oh, and here's my Lori shrine,
right next to the lotto tickets 'cause you're good luck.
Ronnie Anne, can I borrow a stamp?
[mischievous music]
- [evil laugh]
Mi vida, your beauty inspires ♪ my soul...
- Hey sweetie, got your choo-choo jammies
fresh from the dryer!
- Oh, Mommy!
- Ugh, I don't have time for this.
[phone rings]
- Hey babe, I think I know what you're calling about.
- A virtual date night?
- Ugh, she hated the video so much,
she can't even talk about it. Oh, uh, never mind...
What's a virtual date? - Oh, it's where we both watch
the same movie while talking on the phone!
It'll be like having a real date,
even though we're apart.
- [laughs]
- How can you laugh? Nina just died!
- What, Nina dies?
Aw dang it, the video's buffering again.
- Forget I said that! I'll pause till you catch up!
Spokesman: Do you suffer from jock itch?
- Ugh, not another ad! One sec--
- Ugh, still buffering.
- Never mind, this was a dumb idea anyway.
- No it wasn't--
Spokesman: Do you suffer from jock itch?
- Let's just talk tomorrow, Bobby!
- Oh, okay Lori.
Both: Ugh, this isn't working. We need to be together.
[engine growling]
[exciting music]
♪
- Well hello, mi vida! You must have gotten my video.
Let me explain about the choo-choo jammies--
[ringtone playing]
- Boo Boo Bear! - Babe!
Both: Guess where I am!
Both: Dang it.
- Okay, don't move! I'll drive back to you!
We need to be together!
- Mi vida, forget Bobby! You have a real man right here!
- Carl, I cut up your hot dog!
- Boo Boo Bear! - Babe!
[light music]
I can't wait to show you all the romantic stuff
I have planned for our day together.
- Same here, I made some calls on my drive back!
- Let's go!
Surprise! I thought that we could
re-create the first time I asked you out!
Remember, when I left brownies in your locker?
- Of course I do, but how are we going to get inside?
It's Saturday. - I didn't think of that.
No biggie, I'm sure there's another way in.
[groans]
[alarms blaring] [screams] scatter!
Babe, we're like 5 miles from the school,
we can slow down now! - No we can't!
I booked a romantic balloon ride
and it's leaving without us!
Wait, Come back! I already paid!
[sighing] - It's okay, babe.
It was a really sweet idea any--
[thud] Oof!
- [gasps] Boo Boo Bear!
- Ah, sorry! I keep doing that.
- You're gonna love this next surprise.
Remember our first date? - Of course!
You wore a tie and showed up 2 hours early and took me to--
Aww, Jean Juan's French Mex Buffet!
- Closed for health code violations.
Come on!
- Don't worry, Boo Boo Bear. It was still a sweet idea.
And besides, I made us lunch plans too.
This is supposed to be the most romantic restaurant in town.
You literally eat in complete darkness.
- Ooh, trendy!
Hey Babe, I found us a free table!
- Oof, get off me! - Sorry sir...
Or ma'am with a deep voice.
- Hang on Boo Boo Bear, I think I found a light switch.
[switch clicks] [crowd yells]
- Turn the sprinkler off! - My dress!
- Ugh, I'm so sorry, Boo Boo Bear.
- Hey don't worry about it. Why don't we just grab
some nachos at Flip's? And maybe some paper towels.
Chili-cheese and jalapeno's, Lori's favorite.
- Wild cherry and cola, Bobby's favorite.
Both: Oof!
Ugh, it's hopeless!
- Babe, I don't know what's happened to us!
- Neither do I, but if it's this hard then,
maybe we have to face the truth and think about...
Both: Letting go!
[both sobbing]
- Hey snot faces, get cleaning!
- Guess I better wash up before heading back.
Grandpa will get mad if the bodega truck smells like cheese
or whatever this is.
- It's been 10 minutes, is he not coming back?
Does he never want to see me again?
[ringtone playing] Bobby?
- Um, hey, so the bathroom door is broken
and I can't get out of here.
- Oh, hang on! I'll get Flip!
- It's a little temperamental.
You just gotta sweet talk it a bit!
[straining]
Dang it! One of yous owes me a doorknob!
- Okay, Boo Boo Bear, the fire department's on their way.
- Oh, I hope they get here soon.
You know how terrified I am of confined spaces.
- Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere.
I'll stay on the phone with you until they get here.
- Ah, thanks Babe! So what should we talk about?
- Um, well, I could tell you about that funny thing
that happened in math? - Oh, yeah, I totally
want to hear about that!
- Oh, and last week for dinner, my dad tried
this new thing with cod. - Cool!
Like fish sticks or more of a fillet situation?
Okay, so would you rather give up all cheeses or all desserts?
- OMG, hmm, tough one...
- I know right? Because what about--
Both: Cheesecake!
[both laugh] [both sigh]
- This is so nice. - And so easy.
- What did we think was so hard again?
- I have no idea! I guess I let that
one awkward phone call get me all freaked out.
- Same! Maybe we've been trying
to fix something that isn't broken.
I mean, we know we love each other, right?
- Of course! You're the best thing
that ever happened to me. - Oh, Boo Boo Bear--
[fire truck sirens wail]
- Great idea asking for a ride, Babe!
- I know! Isn't it literally so romantic?
- Yeah. Hey, maybe we could try
to finish that movie when we get back?
Even though I know Nina dies--
- Aw, come on, man! Spoilers!
- ♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud house - ♪ Loud house
- ♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪
♪ That's the way we show our love in the Loud house ♪
- ♪ Loud house
♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line to take a pee ♪
♪ Never any privacy
♪ Chaos with 11 kids
♪ That's the way it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud house