The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 18 - Morgan Freeman/Judith Light/Jimmy Eat World - full transcript

Morgan Freeman (Madam Secretary (2014)); Judith Light (Transparent (2014)). Also: Jimmy Eat World perform.

A federal court judge in
Brooklyn striking back against

new Yorks ban on nunchucks, the
martial arts weapon made famous,

of course, by Bruce Lee.

Theyve been banned in the state
since 1974.

But now a judge has ruled the
bans unconstitutional.

We now go to the closing


Banning nunchucks is a violation
of the second amendment.

You fool, what if they fall
into the hands of miscreant


Your litigation is good, but
mine is better.

We shall see.

Nunchucks are not only a
martial arts weapon but have

recreational and therapeutic

You have fought a noble

I concede.

( Laughter )
Nunchucks for everyone!

Now let us argue the benefits of
legalized marijuana.

It is a gateway drug.

Its "the late show with
Stephen Colbert."

Tonight, justice can wait.

Plus, Stephen welcomes
Emily blunt

congressman Adam schiff.

Featuring Jon batiste and stay

And now, live on tape from the
ed Sullivan theater in New York

city, its Stephen Colbert!

( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Wooo!


How are you?


Thats nice.

Hi, Mark.

Hay, everybody.

Hey, everybody, please.

Have a seat.

Thank you so much.

Youre too kind.

Welcome, one and all, ladies and
gentlemen to "the late show."

Im your host, Stephen Colbert.

I am beginning--

cheers and applause )

I am beginning to think Donald
Trump destroys everyone he


He is like the king midas of

The latest Trump aide to hit the
fan is former national security

advisor and dad from a twisted
sister video, Michael Flynn.

( Laughter )
Flynn was in federal court today

to be sentenced for lying to the

And Trump was on the sidelines,
cheering him on:

(As Trump):
"Good luck today in court to

general Michael Flynn.

Will be interesting to see what
he has to say, despite

tremendous pressure being put
upon him about Russian collusion

in our great and, obviously,
highly successful political


There was no collusion!"

laughter )

That is-- I think--

cheers and applause )

Im pretty sure thats just
witness tampering in real time.

(As Trump):
"Good luck to Michael Flynn on

keeping his trap shut.

Your son and I will be watching
your testimony, and then were

going to feed my alligators.

They normally eat rats and rat

( Laughter )
Now, even though Flynn pleaded

guilty to lying to the f.B.I.,
last week, flynns lawyer

submitted a sentencing memo
explaining it wasnt his fault,

because agents hadnt warned
Flynn it was a crime to lie to

the f.B.I.

Of course, good point.

How was he supposed to know?

They got to tell him.

Just like how hospitals all have
to post signs that say "do not

steal cough medicine and then
burn down this building."

( Laughter )
So today-- oh, a little coff


The flames talk to you.

So, today, flynns lawyers
seemed ready to argue that their

client "had been tricked into

Yes, the f.B.I. Has a clever way
to trick anyone who works for

Trump into lying.

They ask them a question.

But if Flynn felt like he was
tricked, why was he pleading


Thats what was on the mind of
us district court judge and man

who convicted himself of
aggravated soul patch, Emmett


Another so judge Sullivan made
sure Flynn knew that what he did

was wrong.

Heres how it went down:
Sullivan asked if he wanted to

challenge the circumstance of
the f.B.I. Interview.

Flynn says no.

Then Sullivan asks Flynn if he
was aware that lying to the

f.b.i. Was illegal.

"I was aware," Flynn says.

Sullivan asks if Flynn is ready
to accept responsibility.

"I am, your honor," Flynn
answers forcefully.

Sullivan asks if Flynn would
rather postpone the proceedings.

Flynn declines the offer.

Adding, "I would like to

"Because youre guilty?"
"Yes, your honor."

( Laughter )
Over and over, the judge asks

Flynn, "do you really want to do

Hes like a tattoo artist at
2:00 A.M. with a drunk customer

who keeps saying, "no, im sure
I want my whole back covered

with a picture of tweety bird
puking on Calvin."

( Laughter )
Then Sullivan scolded Flynn

about his illegal lobbying for

"You were an unregistered agent
of a foreign country while

serving as the national security
adviser to the president!

Arguably, this undermines
everything this flag over here

stands for!

Arguably, you sold your country

How are flynns lawyers going to
get out of that?

"Your honor, my client had no
idea that undermining everything

the flag stands for was a crime!

The f.B.I. Should have told

The judge went on to ask the
prosecutors if Michael flynns

conduct "rises to the level
of treasonous activity," to

which the prosecutors replied,
they "did not consider charging

Flynn with treason."

Then the judge asked again,
"could he have been charged with


laughter )

Probably not a great sign when
youre not charged with treason

but the judge really wants to
know why not.

(As judge)
"Are you sure?

Are you sure?

Because the treason space is
still open on my judge bingo

card here."

Sullivan told Flynn, "the more
you assist the government, the

more you arguably help yourself
at the time of sentencing."

He then declared a recess to let
Flynn consider whether he wanted

to proceed and let the judge
impose a punishment, or to delay

and cooperate more with the
special counsel in hopes of


Thats a tough call, like
choosing between apples and

decades in prison.

( Laughter )
So Flynn said, "yeah, ill take

that apple, please."

Of course, trumps going to get
a break over the holiday season,

but he might not enjoy it,
because, apparently, the

president doesnt like

One person close to the white
house says its "because its

not about him!

If it were about him, hed love

Christmas is not about him."

( Cheers and applause )
Jon: Its definitely not

about him.

Stephen: How self-obsessed
can you get?

ID say hes scrooge, but Trump
would probably enjoy a

visit from those ghosts.

(As Trump):
"Hey, this guys pointing to a

grave with my name on it.

Pretty sweet!

Were talking about me!"

laughter )

When Trump does go to the white
house parties, he has a tough

time of the.

One White House officials said,
"its just a lot.

He just gets impatient.

He likes to go, go, go.

Sitting through things, he gets

So the president of the united
states doesnt like fancy

cocktail parties for the same
reason a four-year-old doesnt

like fancy cocktail parties.

(As child Trump):
"This is so boring.

When do we get to go?

This tie itches.

Mommy, can I at least have your
phone so I can play Twitter?"

( Laughter )

applause )



closer to home, there is news

about former CBS chairman and
reason we all have to go through

sensitivity training, les

Youll recall that moonves left
CBS after allegations of sexual

harassment and assault.

CBS investigated the claims and
determined that les moonves will

not receive his $120 million

( Cheers and applause )

Hold on.


I think our network has the
perfect sound effect for this!

(Price is right losing horn)
I wonder whats going to happen

to all that money.

$120 million.

Im pretty sure it goes to me

laughter )

Do I get it?

I get half of it.

I get half of it.

The other half goes to Tom
sellecks mustache.

Investigators say moonves should
forfeit the severance in part

because of "his willful failure
to cooperate fully with the

companys investigation."

How on earth did les moonves
think hed get away with that?

Every show he green lit for the
last 20 years was about


( Laughter )
On the bright side-- on

♪ on the bright side

applause )

On the bright side, CBS has
enough material for a new

procedural: "NCIS: Human

( Laughter )

applause )

Were going to need your key

( Laughter )
But dont worry about

Mr. Moonves.

In the past ten years, his
compensation totaled more than

$1 billion.

$1 billion!

With an illion!

Whats he going to do now?

What job could a famous TV
billionaire with sexual

allegations possibly get--
oh, my god!


( Cheers and applause )

Hed still be better.

Meanwhile, big news out of new
York state, where yesterday,

governor Andrew cuomo announced
he is moving to legalize

recreational marijuana in new
York within months.

( Cheers and applause )

Yes, legalized marijuana is
coming to the big apple, which

will now be cored out and turned
into a bong.

( Laughter )
Thats right, "the city that

never sleeps" is going to become
"the city that nods out with a

meatball sub on its belly while
watching planet earth."

And thanks to short-term memory
loss, it will be easier than

ever for new yorkers to

( Laughter )

Cuomo says legalization will
stop minorities from being

unfairly targeted by the justice
system and framed the speech as

a reflection on what Franklin
delano Roosevelt, who was once a

New York governor himself, would
do today.

Oh, yes, this is absolutely in
the spirit of f.D.R.

We all remember his famous
inaugural address:

The only thing we have to
fear, is-- wait, you hear


Is that the cops?

Quick, flush the weed!

Im freakin bro!

Weve got a great show for you

( Cheers and applause )
The lovely, the talented Emily

blunt is here.

But when we return, "meanwhile!"
Stick around.

( Cheers and applause )
♪ ♪

( Band playing )

cheers and applause )

Stephen: Jon batiste and
stay human, everybody!

"Tighten up."

( Cheers and applause )
Jon: Come on, tighten it


Stephen: Jon, you guys
sound amazing tonight.

Jon: Thank you, thank you.

Stephen: You know who else
sounds amazing who I did not

realize has a beautiful voice?

Our guest tonight, Emily blunt.

One of my favorite guests.

An absolute delight.

Jon: Mary poppins.

Stephen: Shes Mary poppins

Jon: Its amazing.

Stephen: Thats an amazing

Jon: Yeah.

Stephen: People are calling
it a gift, a Christmas gift.

Stephen: Heres another
agreement Christmas gift to the

world, the "cartoon president"
on showtime is now available on

DVD right there.

Jon: There it is.

All of us right there.

Stephen: Heres something,
heres something that I did not

know-- they still make DVDs.

( Laughter )
Get them while they still do.

Its a great bargain.

Great bargain, right?

Whats this cost?

We dont know.


Whatever it is, its cheap at
twice the price.

You know, there are so many big
news stories that sometimes the

news bursts its banks and has to
be sluiced into our segment of

news runoff that I call,

( Cheers and applause )
♪ tighten up

meanwhile, great news for karate
masters and ninja turtles,

because on Friday, a federal
court ruled "new Yorks

nunchucks ban is

Thank god!

Ive been walking around
completely defenseless!

Plus, its been so much more
dangerous with people whipping

around two guns attached by a

This is great.

Nunchucks are no longer banned.

Also, nunchucks were banned?

Yes, back in 1974, nunchucks
were outlawed in New York "out

of concern over the rising
popularity of kung fu movies."

Back then, everybody was kung fu

( Laughter )
Those kicks were fast as

lightning, and ill be honest,
it was a little bit frightening.

( Laughter )
The legal challenge--

( cheers and applause )
The legal challenge to the ban

was brought by a professor "who
filed a complaint after being

charged with possession of

Why would you complain about

"Possession of nunchucks" is the
coolest thing you can be charged


Its like getting upset about
being charged with "wearing

sunglasses to prom " or " reckless
driving while having a


Professor nunchucks argued that
the weapon has "a long and proud

history in martial arts, with
recreational, therapeutic, and

self-defense utility."

I actually went to a nunchuck
therapist once.

He just blamed all my problems
on my dads nunchucks.

( Laughter )

( laughter )
A human heart was left on a

southwest flight.

What a terrifying experience.

That heart had to fly southwest.

( Laughter )
It seems, apparently, the heart

was mistakenly kept on the
connecting flight instead of

being taken out of the cargo
hold in Seattle, causing the

Dallas-bound flight to turn

At least you know that human
heart was safe in the cargo

hold, where they keep all
the anxious, hungry dogs.

But dont worry, no one was
harmed, because investigators

found that "the heart had no
intended recipient."

Does it need one?

Why cant a heart just go to

Maybe it wanted to see the space
needle, or go to the original


Sure, its just like any other
Starbucks, but the heart wants

what it wants.

( Laughter )

( cheers and applause )
"Meanwhile," fans.

People love "meanwhile."

America loves "meanwhile."

Meanwhile, bad news for former
Trump advisor and evil warlock

who has come to our dimension
looking for something called the

"frost amulet," Roger stone.

Stone recently settled a lawsuit
in which he was accused of

spreading false information
on "infowars."

Hold the phone!

You can get in trouble for lying
on "infowars?"

Thats like getting kicked off
pornhub message boards for using

foul language.

"You have brought shame to the
milf-chaser community.

I cast thee out,

And in addition-- in addition--

applause )


A lot of mamabooty fans out here

And in addition to this civil
lawsuit, stone is also awaiting

indictment by Robert Mueller,
which raises the question: How

does he pay all his
legal bills?

Duh, obviously by selling
autographed rocks on Instagram.

Roger "stones," get it?

( Laughter )
Because theyre both cold,

unfeeling lumps that youd enjoy
throwing in a river.

( Laughter )
And these arent just any--

these arent just at any old
soiled rocks.

According to the description,
"this is an exact replica of the

stone that David used to take
down goliath."

Yes, its true-- the exact same

We all know what happened there:
Goliath chose scissors.

Well be right back with Emily

( Band playing )

cheers and applause )

Stephen: Hey, everybody,
welcome back to the show!

Folks, ladies and gentlemen, how
exciting for you.

You know my next guest from "the
devil wears Prada," "sicario,"

and "a quiet place."

She now stars in "Mary poppins

Please welcome back to "the late
show," Emily blunt!

♪ Mary dont you weep

cheers and applause )

♪ Mary dont you weep

cheers and applause )

Stephen: No, no, no, no,

Thank you.

Oh, my goodness.


How lovely.

Stephen: These are lovely
people here tonight.

What lovely people.



( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Always a pleasure.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Stephen: You look very
festive there.


Stephen: The little sparkly
sweater there.

I like the black watch pants.

You look like captain scutland.

I wondered if it was a little
too much.

Stephen: Not at all.

How have you done bn?

So good.

I have to tell you something.

You have the cutest run ive
ever seen, ever.

Like, you rup out here, and you
look like a spright-- youre so


I-- honestly, you make me smile
when you see you run.

I really love it.

Stephen: Thank you.

I want ton, how fast are you?

Are you legitimately quick.

Stephen: Im very fast.

Im very fast.

Look at that.

Thats a runners leg right
there, baby.

( Cheers and applause )
I bet youre quick.

Stephen: Yeah, yeah, the
men in my family-- the men in my

family are not known for their
long shanks.


Stephen: Did you have the
toys weebls when you were a kid?

Theyre wide at the top and you
cant knock them down.

Its not like you have a big
bottom --

Stephen: Oh, I do.

I do.

Ill send you some links.

Cant wait.

Stephen: Heres what I
didnt know-- and forgive me if

I did not know this and I should
have known this-- you have the

voice of an angel.

No, no, no.

Stephen: You have
absolutely-- such an


You sound so lovely.

Youre very sweet.

So nice.

Stephen: Im in the a nice

Okay, thats true.

Stephen: How long-- did you
study voice for a long time?

No, ive always liked singing
but not in front of people so I

would always do it sort of

And Rob Marshall asked me to do
into the woods."

Stephen: What am I saying.

Youre lovely as the bakers

Of course, the bakers wife.

I loved working with him, and he
thank god liked working with me

and asked me to do "Mary
pop-pop" next.

Stephen: How long have you
been out on the road pushing the


This is why im slightly
delirious wanting to talk about

your Ron.

Stephen: Sure.

I have been PR promoting "mar

Stephen: Dont call a mans
run cute.

Thats what they say about old
men, "hes so cute.

Hes so harmless."

No, I say that about a lot--
its not a threat at all.

Stephen: Can we go back to

What part of the run?

Its the way guside to side when
you do it.

Its so sweet!

Stephen: Thank you, thank

Thank you, youre very nice.

And your hair flops a bit.

Stephen: You made me look
like a muppet just then.

We have a clip here.

Whats going on in this little

I dont know.

Stephen: Ill show you.

Theres a photo from it.


Stephen: Whats happening
in this?

So im about to bathe some

Stephen: Yes.

In it, and im taking them on
a magical bath time.

What Mary poppins does is turns
the mundane into something


Theres a dolphin that appears
in the bathtub so get ready.

Stephen: Jim?

I suspect, and im never
incorrect, that youre far too

old to give in to imagination.

No, not yet.

♪ Some people like to splash and

can you imagine that?

♪ And take a seaside holiday
can you imagine that?

♪ Too much glee leaves rings
around the brain

♪ take that joy and send it down
the drain ♪

Stephen: Delightful.

( Cheers and applause )

What a lovely gift.

What a lovely gift to America at

Yeah, its very sweet.

Stephen: Completely

I know.

Its so sweet.

Its lovely.

Stephen: Your costar Emily
Mortimer was on the show last


Shes the greatest.

Stephen: She is lovely, and
she asked me if I ever had a

crush on Mary poppins.

Did you?

Stephen: No I had a crush
on Maria Von trapp and the other

Julie Andrews.

The pageboy haircut, that was

Do you have a crush on Mary
poppins now?

Stephen: A little bit.

Did you have a crush on a Disney

I had a crush on dick.

Dick Van dyke in the original,

Stephen: The candy striped

And multitalented.

Can play any instrument cdraw.

Can sweep a chimney.

Know what I mean?

Stephen: Okay, all right.


Stephen: Disney.

Disney are loving it right

Stephen: I bet they are.

And I really liked the fox
from "Robin hood," as well.

He was fascinating.


Stephen: You were just
nominated-- congratulationses--

nominated for a golden groab in
"quiet place."

No, "Mary poppins."

Stephen: It was a sag
nomination for "a quiet place."

And "Mary poppins."

Stephen: For this bad scene
right there and this bad scene

right there.

Which one was harder?


I mean, look at that.

See, this is the thing.

I sort of made bathtubs
horrifying in this one.

And this is the sort of salve to
the horror that ive inflicted

about bath time.

Stephen: Im not sure if I
would want to get into a bathtub

knowing that there was a dolph
nin there.


Stephen: I dont know, its

Dolphins are delightful.

Stephen: But the bathtub is
kind of small.

Theyve got teeth.

They dont bite!

Stephen: What?

Dolphins dont bite.

Stephen: Oh, youre in a
dream world.


When have you ever heard of
someone being attacked by a

dolph glin no, not attacked by a

But they do bite.

Thats what teeth are for.

I dont think they would bite

Even your delicious runners

Stephen: Its not my legs
im worried about.

We got time for this?

We got time for this?

Theres never enough time to
talk to you.

Thank you.

Stephen: Youre a delight.

Lets have dinner.

Stephen: Were going to
stretch the time and weigh in on

a few things I wonder if you
could give us thumbs up or

thumbs down.

Mary popins is very judgmental.

She is.

Stephen: Things must be the
way she says.

And we wondered if you would
weigh in on a few things

yourself and this is our new
segment "blunt Emily blunt."

Thats a new one.

Stephen: A niews newone?

Not at all.

Render your judgment.

Should fake Christmas trees be


( Cheers and applause )

Stephen: Someones a fan of
house fires.

Pick a side-- Kate or Meghan?

No, no, no.

Stephen: Pick a side!

No, no, no.

Stephen: No?

Oh, god!


Audience: Meghan.

I didnt say it.

She said it.


Stephen: Youre not going
to be allowed to go back to


If st okay to re-gift from a
family member?

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

Stephen: Okay.

Christmas in New York or
Christmas in London?

Im gog have to say Christmas
in New York because I live here

now, and im sorry, mom!

( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: "The office" or

Jack Ryan?

"The office" because its a
giggle, isnt it?

Come on.

Stephen: All right.

Who has more magic, Mary poppins
or Santa claus?

Mary poppins!

( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Youre not getting

anything for Christmas now.


She diversified.

Stephen: Youre on the
naughty list.

Santa does one thing.

Its like she does everything!

Stephen: Again, you just--
again, im just--

Christmas is over.

My parents arent coming.

Im never invited back to

Stephen: You can come here
any time you want.

You can come with us.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Cant wait.

Stephen: I-- I should be
ending, but I dont want to.

Ill just try anyway.

Do it.

Stephen: Lovely to see you
Emily blunt.

So lovely to see you.

Stephen: Of
Stephen: "Mary poppins

returns" opens tomorrow.

Emily blunt, everybody!

Well be right back with Adam

( Cheers and applause )
Stephen: Hey, everybody,

welcome back to "the late show."

Oh, you lucky, lucky people.

What an exciting night.

Folks, this is going to be

My next guest is the top
democrat on the house

intelligence committee.

When he takes over in a couple
weeks, hell be a very busy


Please welcome the congressman
from beautiful downtown Burbank,

Adam schiff!

( Cheers and applause )
♪ ♪

( Applause )
♪ Adam schiff in the house

( applause )
♪ Adam schiff in the house

Stephen: Nice to see you

Great to see you.

Stephen: I had an
opportunity to interview you a

couple of times over the years.

The last time was last march.

I went down to D.C. to find out
what you and senator Warner knew

about the investigation into
possible Russia collusion.

You couldnt tell me much at the

Can you tell me any more now?

( Laughter )
Well, I can tell you who

individual 1 is.

( Laughter )

cheers and applause )


Stephen: Ive got a pretty
good guess.

Ive got a pretty good guess.

You have learned anything new
since then thats, like, big?

Is there something you know that
you cant tell me that would

just blow my brains out?


( Laughter )
No, no, I-- no, no.

Stephen: Is there-- is
there something that you wish

you could tell us that would
absolutely just knock us back on

our heels?

Well, theres a lot more we
know today than when we talked


And just when you think about
what weve seen in the last few

weeks, its really quite

Lets take Michael Cohen, for

Stephen: Sure.

Michael Cohen disclosed that
at the same time during the

campaign when Donald Trump was
saying, "I have no dealings with


Nothing to do with them," that
secretly, they were negotiating

this Trump tower deal, all the
way into the middle of the year.

And if Rudy giulianis cristic
comments been understood, maybe

even up until the election-- and
by the way --

Stephen: I believe that,
because I dont believe Trump

believed he would be elected.

That may well be the case.

He thought I can make money
either way this shakes out.

A candidate for president, the
presumptive g.O.P. Nominee would

be misleading the country and
privately seeking the kremlins

help to make a deal, and what
weve seen subs qentsly is that

not only was he hiding this from
the country, the kremlin was

helping in the cover-up.

You had Dmitri peskov, the
spokesman for the kremlin,

saying publicly when this came
to light, "we never responded to

that outreach."

That wasnt true.

Stephen: Are you saying the
Russians lied to us!

The Russians lied.

I know, I know.

Stephen: We have to get
those Russians out of the white


( Laughter ).

We expect the Russians to

Stephen: Sure.

We expect a president of the
United States to be telling the


And therein lies the problem.

( Applause )
For two years, for two years,

weve had this deeply unethical
man running the country.

And for two years, the
republican congress has done

nothing to oversee any of the
allegations of malfeasance, and

that stops now.

Stephen: Lets get into
that for a second.

( Cheers and applause )
Because for the-- the previous

chairman, youre going to take
over as chairman in January.

The previous chairman,
congressman Devin nunes of

California seemed to-- there was
some doors--

( booing ).

Stephen: Theyre going,

There were some things he didnt
want you guys to look into.

He would lock the door and
swallow the key.

What are you most looking
forward to unlocking and peering


What are the areas that he
didnt want to you look at that

youre most eager to see?

One of the most basic rules
of doing an investigation is you

follow the money.

We were not allowed to follow
the money.

Now, we have seen the perils of
not doing that and the

revolutions about the Trump
business, efforts to build this

Trump tower in Moscow.

But the question remains what
about these allegations that the

Russians were laundering money
through the Trump organization?

If thats true --
Stephen: What about those?

How was that-- how would they
have done that?

Well, for many years,
legitimate U.S. banks wouldnt

do business with the Trump

The only banning that would was
deutsche bank.

Deutsche bank was fined for
laundering Russian money.

Real estate is an attractive
venue to launder money.

If the Russians were-- and we
dont than they were-- but if

they were, it would be very
powerful leverage they might

have over the president of the
United States that might explain

his often otherwise-inexplicable
fondness for putin and Russia.

Stephen: Worry Eric and Don
Jr. both said they were awash

with Russian money?

They got all the money they
needed from Russians?

They did.

Stephen: Are they honest or
do they just have rocks in the


I dont think I should answer
that question.

( Laughter )
But its not just Russia.

Un, the president said at
various times during the

campaign he was getting all this
money from Saudi Arabia.

Why wouldnt he love the saudis?

The saudis were spending tens of
millions on his properties.

And now you have the president
of the United States rejecting

the our conclusions of our
agencies about the murder of


And we ask the question why?

Is foreign funding influencing
U.S. policy in a way thats not

in our national interest.

Stephen: Do you have a
guest guess?

Do you have a guess whether
foreign funding is in our


Honestly, honestly, I dont

But ting would be negligent for
us not to find out.

Stephen: Flynns sentence
was postponed pending

cooperation, okay.

So hes not going to go to
jail-- at least until march 13,

I think, is when theyre
checking back in with this judge

to see how much more he has


Do you want Flynn to cooperate?

Would you like to call him in
and swear him in and ask him a

few things?

We would.

And we certainly plan on
inviting him to the committee.

Stephen: An engraved

It will be embossed.

Stephen: And the address s,
collusion casual, please."

Heres the thing about Mike

Michael Flynn was the only
cooperating witness who was on

the campaign.

He was in the transition.

And he was in the

So hes in a position to tell us
a great deal.

And if you look at the
sentencing memo that Mueller

filed, it says he cooperated
with them on a criminal case,

which we presume is the turkish
matter thats come to light.

That he has cooperated with him
on the transition.

And there the big question is
who else knew that Mike Flynn

was lying?

Did the president know that Mike
Flynn was lying about his

conversations with the Russian

Stephen: Did Mike pence?

Did Mike pence know?

But then theres that third area
that the special counsel

identified where Mike Flynn is
cooperating, and that third area

is completely redacted.

Stephen: Will that be
redacted for Jew no, no.

When he comes before our

( laughter )
Stephen: Can you send us a

signal, like the first time that
you go up there after youve

read it and youre there, the
chairman, which you get the

gavel can you do a Carol Burnett
ear tag.

If its going down, if its
(Bleep) Can you give us a tug


I have a colleague who asks
the same question, "if it is


And he stares at me until I
cant help but blink.

Stephen: Trump said his
personal finances would be a red

line in the investigation.

Arent we past the red line.

Now that Alan weissle berg is
cooperating, arent we into

Violet in terms of his personal

The first matter is he is not
in a position to draw red lines.

Thats not his job.

Stephen: But he can give

He can shut stuff down with

He can give pardons, but even
the pardon power is not


You cannot use the pardon power
if your intention is to obstruct

justice through the use of the
pardon power.

One of the things I would thriek
see us do in the new congress is

pass a bill that says if you
pardon anyone in an

investigation in which you or
your family is a subject,

witness, or target, the entire
investigative files in that case

will be provided to congress.


cheers and applause )

Stephen: Good luck.

Congress should know --
Stephen: Good luck with


Well, I could talk to you all
night long.

I hope you will come back once
you know secret things and will

divulge them here with us.

I look forward to it.

Stephen: Ive interviewed
you several times before.

Ive never seen you look this

Congressman Adam schiff,

Well be right back with a
performance by St. Paul & the

broken bones.

♪ ♪
(Cheers and applause


Stephen: They released their
album "young sick camellia" in


Here performing Louis
armstrongs "zat you Santa

claus," ladies and gentlemen,
St. Paul & the broken bones!

(Cheers and applause

♪ ♪

Zat you, Santa claus?

♪ ♪
♪ gifts im preparing

for some Christmas sharing
♪ but I pause because

hanging my stocking
♪ I can hear a knocking

zat you, Santa claus?

♪ Sure is dark out
aint the slightest spark out

♪ pon my slackened jaw!

Whos there?

Who is it stopping for a visit?

Zat you, Santa claus?

♪ Are you bringing a
present for me

♪ something pleasantly
pleasant for me

♪ then its just what ive
been waiting for.

♪ Would you mind slipping
it under the door

♪ cold winds are howling
or could that be growling?

♪ My legs feel like straws
my, my, oh, me, my

whos there?

Who is it stopping for a visit?

Zat you, Santa claus?

♪ ♪
♪ ♪

My, my, oh, me, my
♪ kindly would you reply?

Zat you, Santa claus?

♪ ♪
♪ ♪

♪ hanging the stocking
I can hear a knocking

♪ zat you, Santa claus?

♪ ♪
♪ ♪

♪ ♪
♪ ♪

But I cant explain why
♪ im shaking that way

bet I can see ole Santa
♪ in the keyhole

ill get to the cause
♪ one peek and ill try there

oh oh, theres an eye there
♪ zat you, Santa claus?

♪ ♪
♪ ♪

♪ please, please
I pity my knees

♪ zat you, Santa claus?

(Cheers and applause

Stephen: "Zat you Santa

claus" is available on Amazon

St. Paul & the broken bones

Well be right back.

Stephen: Hey, thats it for
"the late show."

Tune in tomorrow when my guests
will be Steve carell and kiki

now stick around for James

Good night!

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