The Larkins (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - In Which the Larkins Rescue the Railway Station - full transcript
News reaches Pop that the train station is to close. With the help of reluctant Miss Chand and villagers, Pop seizes the opportunity to save the railway - and make money along the way. Mariette fights with Pauline, and Charley makes a big decision.
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Say what you like...
Bum.
Knickers.
Duck's arse.
Say what you like...
you can't beat a May Day in England.
Eggs.
Hear that, Mariette?
You will not get eggs
as good as that in France.
No. Snails for breakfast
in your France.
Croissants, actually. And baguette.
It is normal for me
to want to spread my wings.
Don't make it harder for me.
Morning.
Oh, Charley!
ALL: Good morning!
Now, are you still all right kipping
in the spare bathroom? Yeah.
Yeah, pee from your bed.
Just the job.
Yeah. That's, er,
quite a timesaver. Mm!
No, I love it here.
I'll sleep anywhere.
But I do need to get back to work.
I can't keep delaying my return
to the tax office. What?!
No, don't be daft.
Phooey.
Look, there's plenty of graft here.
The big strawberry pick
starts today. Mm.
You can help us.
Yes... Yeah, I'd love to.
I'll be flitting around as well.
Gotta find out
if Tom Fisher's serious
about turning Bluff Court
into a hotel.
Ooh, you hate having a rival.
Don't ya?
No, nonsense, Ma.
I wish him every success.
All's fair in romance and business.
Tom's your boyfriend.
No, he isn't.
He loves ya.
Everybody loves you.
THEY GIGGLE
HE WHISTLES
Come on.
That's it.
Who needs some punnets?
All right, ladies. Right. Punnets?
Here comes trouble!
You know it.
POP SHOUTS: So long!
HORN BLASTS
See you later.
Goodbye!
Bit slow, aren't you?
No, you're just very fast.
Wow!
They've run riot this year.
We'll have trouble
shifting all this fruit.
Tax man's sweating up
a storm already.
All right, duckie?
Oh, yes. Thank you... duckie.
THEY CHUCKLE
You know, you don't need
to call her duckie.
Yeah, well,
I didn't wanna look haughty.
SHE GIGGLES
All right, Libby? Something missing?
Horse.
Horse. That's the one.
Second Sunday after Trinity.
It's gonna be
a rip-snorting service.
I'll bet it is.
I plan to release doves
big as weasels.
Good!
I've borrowed 'em.
They'll be on a long string,
so I'll get 'em back. Huh.
Ah, my two favourite people.
What's wrong with your faces?
The railway station is closing.
No!
Absolutely ghastly. I love trains.
The dining car,
cheery liveried porters...
"All aboard!"
When were you last on a train,
Edith?
Oh, not for donkey's years.
Me, neither.
Maybe that's the problem.
I use them all the time.
I suppose I'll get used to advancing
by bus instead... rather slowly.
General, we can't have that.
Mornin'.
Not bad, eh? Ripe and luscious.
Right, let's get these weighed.
How would you weigh them?
You're melting.
POP WHISTLES
BELL DINGS
What's all this, Foxy?
Shutting up shop?
Looks like it. Disaster.
How are folks gonna get to town?
Ask the train company.
They only care about money,
not ordinary people.
What'll it take
to change their minds?
Nothing. Sign of the times.
Branch lines for the chop all over.
You've gotta fight it, man!
I just haven't got any fight
left in me.
What's all this nonsense, Katy?
I'm trainspotting, Mr Larkin.
It's actually quite intense.
Yeah, no, the line closing.
Oh, yes. I don't know what I'll do.
So, how are we gonna keep it open?
THEY CHATTER
No, she'll be delighted
I'm not there.
She's the type of landlady
that counts out the baked beans
for breakfast.
HE CHUCKLES
Ah, this place must be
quite a shock, then.
Yeah, it is. I mean,
there is so much of everything.
Well, we're the lucky ones.
Garden of England.
All right?
Do I detect the tiniest,
so, so tiniest, hint of, uh,
of friction between you and Pauline?
Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I, uh, I know
she poured wine down your dress.
She treated you very "Chablis".
THEY LAUGH
Ah, well, there's no hatred deeper
than one that started in love
and friendship.
Don't you dare get off with her.
Huh, how could I?
She's another reason I'm going away.
OK, but, still, in time,
that might change.
It's not going to change.
OK, but it might.
It won't.
Right, fine.
OK, but if it does, if it does,
that would be,
that would be fantastic. Thanks.
SHE GIGGLES
So, how's the manual labour
treating you?
Oh, yeah, fabulously.
I'm already hurt all over.
I'll put you on weighing.
Get a chair.
RADIO PLAYS
DOOR OPENS
Hello, kids!
Hello! Hello, Mum.
There's my little treacle tarts.
That's right, you get stuck in.
MA VACUUMS
All right, my little cherry cakes,
good day at school?
Mm-hm.
Yeah.
Yeah. That's the way.
OK.
40...
Poll Saunders. Two baskets.
Thank you.
Lil, duckie.
How, how many?
Three baskets.
Right, OK.
What am I saying?
I mean three an' all.
Are you sure?
You saying we're lying?
No. No.
Not out loud, anyway.
That's where you got to.
Oh, yeah, well, I... I have
a history of clerical work, so...
Nice to be some people. Two baskets.
Thank you. Thank you.
I'll, er, push off, then.
See you later, Charley.
If not before.
Ooh, company. Boss's daughter.
Tart.
Freeloader.
I don't think
I've ever seen you angry before.
I pull my weight.
I don't like seeing you
treated like meat.
Miss Chand. Always an honour.
Face of an angel.
Mr Larkin, your children
were late this morning.
Yep.
Oh, you want a reason?
Strawberry picking.
Very educational.
And on that topic, what is more
educational than a train ride?
Almost anything. You know
the branch line is shutting?
And Katy... specs, trainspotter.
Don't judge.
She says that they're gonna
do the final headcount
of passengers this very week.
So if we pack in all the locals,
we could save it.
Most of my pupils
can't afford to go on jaunts.
I'll pay for those who can't.
Where would they go?
Ah-ha!
Are you not missing the tax lark?
Well, it is important work,
of course.
Is it, darling?
Anyway, anyway... I have had
the best time down here, Ma.
You've all been so friendly.
Oh, you should stay on.
Intelligent bloke like you.
You could be a big boon hereabouts.
A big, big boon.
Thank you. To be honest,
I am racked with indecision.
My whole life, all I've tried to do
is, is contribute to society.
You've come to the right place.
Plenty of society down here.
Wrapped up in nice scenery.
No, I know. But I do feel
I need a slightly better...
PIG GRUNTS
..reason to stay!
Oh, Ma, what...?
HE STRAINS
SHE GIGGLES
CROWD CHATTING
Hello. Use the stairs.
BELL DINGS
Morning, kids.
Children, line up. Don't swarm.
Miss Chand?
See? Folks just need reminding that
a train goes through the village.
Enjoy the journey.
BELL DINGS
Get yourself a ticket.
Lovely to see you all. Ah, Tom-Tom.
Come on, spill the whatsits
on your new venture.
Well, it's not really
a whatsit-spilling situation.
I'm just turning an abandoned pile
into a friendly little hotel.
Well, good for you.
The village is agog.
And thanks for helping
to keep the line open.
Well, a modern economy needs
a comprehensive
transport infrastructure.
And THAT is one of my catchphrases.
HE CHUCKLES
How's the family?
In the flippin' pink.
And is Mariette here?
No. You still wanna buy a ticket?
Er, of course I do.
POP LAUGHS
That's it, Tom. Thank you.
BELL DINGS
Thank you.
Oh, no!
It's not a war on again?
Ha! No, I'm meeting up
with some old army pals.
Well, good for you, anyway.
Yeah.
Er, General, please. Stand easy.
Keep the home fires burning.
Ha-ha!
Thank you, sir.
You're welcome. You're welcome.
So exciting, Mr Larkin.
I've never seen so many passengers.
Right.
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
Hush. A train!
I think it's a Class 5 BR1B Tender.
Ah, very good.
That'll take care of the stragglers.
Come on, ladies and gentlemen!
Kids, let's be having you.
Come on! It's a Class 5 BR1B...
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
..Tender!
Morning.
Miss Pilchester.
How are you?
Very well.
SHE SIGHS
Ah...
It's like Sodom and Gomorrah
with strawberries!
Poll - you missed one!
AUNT FAN CACKLES
So... no-one strips off
at the tax office, then?
No! No.
We have a rigidly enforced
dress code.
SHE CHUCKLES
In fact,
everything is rigidly enforced.
Apart from enjoyment.
Whoa! That'll take some selling.
If you're not careful,
we'll be boiling up a lot of jam.
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
Everyone all right?
That's the Allied Victory Medal...
that's the 1914-15 Star.
Mm.
What's that one?
Oh, that's actually for swimming,
but it's a lovely blue.
All right, everyone?
Miss Chand. Lovely to see you.
Nice bit of company
for a change, Alec?
I preferred it when it was just me
and Mr Garnish.
What the hell?!
Mr Garnish doesn't like the smells
these children are making.
Or not that often.
We're trying to save
your commuter line.
You should be thanking us all.
No, I'm not going to do that,
cos I hate you all.
Dad? We're starving.
Me too.
Me too. Absolutely ghastly hunger,
Mr Larkin. Do feel my ribs.
Wasn't there a refreshment trolley
on the train?
They stopped it.
No!
Oh! Come on, then.
Come on, everyone. That's it.
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
So, where is the place of
"educational interest" you promised?
All right, Frank?
If you run, I will personally
make sure you never run again!
MUSIC: 'In The Mood'
by Glenn Miller
SHE HUMS ALONG
PHONE RINGS
Yep?
CHILDREN PLAYING,
COINS DISPENSING
It's me, you gorgeous lump o' woman.
SHE LAUGHS
What's up, you big farmy lunatic?
Load the truck up with strawberries
and get Mariette to bring it over
to Forch Station.
Quick-like,
otherwise the train'll be gone.
MISS CHAND: Very good.
Come on, children. Hurry up.
Orderly fashion onto the train.
Come on.
Cracking.
WHISTLE BLOWS
Come on...
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
Hello, me old mate. I think
there's something under your wheel.
Have a look, here.
I mean, a nice, full train an' all,
you know...
Shame to spoil the mood.
No, can't see nothing.
Maybe it's someone's favourite pet.
HE GRUNTS
You know?
Don't worry.
I think that's a shadow.
Er, thank you.
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
Any chance of a lift?
Well, this is
an unexpected pleasure.
Well, it's nice
to sell folks something they want
that we've got lots of.
You know I mean being with you.
Still planning
on leaving the village?
Yep, in a month or two.
Chance to learn le bon Francais!
Sounds good, eh?
Et ca va comment?
Tu parles comme une indigene deja?
I'm so tempted to crash this
and kill you.
Well, if you spare me
and I have a future, it's here.
How can I make you feel the same?
Ugh!
Don't you start. It's a hard enough
place to leave as it is,
as my friend Charley's finding out.
The tax man?
Mm-hm.
What kind of "friend" is he?
Oh, the best kind.
He doesn't bombard me
with questions, like you.
It's time we went on another date.
Oh, a date, was it?
Well, maybe one that doesn't end
with you scrapping with a waitress.
With you watching! And smirking.
Well, if there's one thing
that we men like -
and this is scientifically proven -
it's watching pretty girls wrestle.
Wanna meet up later?
Oh. Er... thank you,
but I... I need to be home.
SHE SIGHS
Don't wait for Mariette.
She's off.
And she's not the one for you.
Why... do you say that?
She's hard work.
I'm a delight.
HE EXHALES SHARPLY
I like you.
You're... kind.
I don't go for that normally,
but I'm ready.
And one for you.
Would you like a punnet, sir?
Just one, please.
Here we go. That's sixpence, please.
There you go. Sir, madam.
Two? Do you want one or two?
Just the one? OK.
You can trifle with her later.
THEY LAUGH
Ah, Miss Chand!
Now, strawberries...
This is for you.
COINS CLATTER,
HE SIGHS
DIAL TONE
Afternoon! Er, afternoon, sir.
It's Char...
Cedric Charlton.
Right, I... I apologise
for being off for so long, but...
..well, ever since
you've sent me down here
to investigate the Larkins,
my life has just changed exponen...
Are... Are you there, Mr Potts?
I'm waiting for you
to say something intelligible.
Right. I'm staying down here,
and I have holiday to take,
so... I am resigning
with immediate effect.
Because I have learned
that life and love are precious.
'Have you lost your mind, Charlton?'
Tax collection
is a solemn undertaking,
and you will regret spouting
beatnik baloney at me,
because, in the end,
you just need to grow up...
HE SIGHS
INDISTINCT OVER TELEPHONE
HE SIGHS
..grow up, and there will be
a significantly impaired
pension provision.
Thank you.
SIGHING: Ah!
HE SIGHS
Whoa. Let me help you with that.
Shouldn't you be...
choosing lino for your hotel?
Yes, but it's important
not to neglect the physical.
HE GRUNTS
Good, that all seems to be...
in order.
LAUGHING: No! No!
It's just... It's just a...
CHUCKLING: Yes... Go away!
TV: 'Young louts.
Are you all right?'
'Yes. Let's get on.'
Shouldn't we just watch one?
Well, we've got two.
Might as well use 'em!
Anyone seen Charley?
We thought he was with you.
No, I was just chatting with Tom.
For three hours?!
Mm...
He's so smooth.
Makes a nice change from rough.
Too many lads in this village
think farting
is the last word in entertainment.
So... where is our Charley?
HE SMACKS HIS LIPS,
HE SIGHS
SHE GULPS,
GLASS THUNKS
You know your problem?
Yes.
Oh, yes.
You're flesh and blood, like me.
But you're fighting it.
Well, it's true.
I have never felt so much...
sap rising as down here.
Er, down here in the countryside.
Oh... Got it.
Mm, the tax office,
my, er, erstwhile employer,
was entirely free of... sap.
You've been corking it up
since you arrived.
I want to get your cork out.
Well, you can't, because I am
saving myself for Mariette Larkin.
But she's not saving herself
for you.
I know.
Can't be right, can it?
What? Er...
LIQUID SLOSHES
Oh... Fancy another?
Question is...
who'll best make Mariette stay?
Charley or Tom?
Well... that all depends
whether Charley's planted his veg
in another furrow.
Charley's better for her.
But Tom's the pretty one.
And he knows
how to behave with women.
Ma, we've got to stay out of it.
She knows we love her
and we don't want her leaving.
That is why you are after
saving our railway!
You can't stop your daughter
doing what she wants,
but this is something
that you can do something about.
HE HUFFS
Oh...
Mariette is used
to fending off lads, but...
..she's not so good at
letting someone into her heart. Mm.
Charley's the man.
Mariette just needs
to fall in love with him.
Oh!
Ah...
Argh! Argh...
KNOCK ON DOOR,
DOOR OPENS
Charley was drinking
with Pauline last night.
They were standing all close,
and she kissed him!
Postal Pete got it from Old Reg.
Well... you can't blame Charley.
No surprise she's in there
like a dog on a side of beef.
Don't take this lying down!
What are you gonna do?
Nothing. It's simpler this way.
I just hope he realises
that she'll toss him away.
But you can tell he loves you.
Well, he hasn't told me.
Because you said you're leaving!
Ugh, this is so sad.
Love can be.
And you've had your taste of that.
Mm...
We can't all be as lucky
as Pop and Ma.
Both in love from the off.
WHISPERS: Effortless.
Look, Charley's... special.
PRIMROSE CHUCKLES
I mean, sometimes,
it's like talking to an owl.
But you've gotta love him.
I know!
And... Tom?
Ugh! He's so handsome.
Mm...
When he took his shirt off,
I half hoped a great big beer gut
would tumble out.
Maybe he was holding it in,
like Pop.
Very much not.
And I'm still leaving.
No! How can you?
Because if two men
arrive in a village
are that interesting, imagine
what else's out there in the world.
Or... it doesn't get
any better than them,
and you should stay and find out!
But don't choose Tom.
Or Charley will go with Pauline.
BELL DINGS
POP: That's it, get your tickets.
Ahhh!
Darlin'! Ain't I the cat
what caught the proverbial?
You are, Ma, you are.
Join the queue,
get yourself a ticket.
That's it.
Enjoy the ride, everyone, won't you?
Sir George and Lady.
So glad you could come along.
Hm.
Well, we'd hate to lose our railway.
Yes. Love trains.
Steam, that's the future.
So, you gonna tell me why
you sold your rumpty old mansion
to Tom instead of me?
I'm afraid that's confidential.
He said we could live on there in
an outbuilding at a peppercorn rent.
And do you have that in writing?
Yes.
Do buy yourself a selection
of on-board refreshment.
Ah, I love the steam...
Ah! It's the gilded youths.
'Ey? And Miss Chand, of course.
Nice evening?
Yup.
You?
Cracking.
How was Pauline?
Friendly. Rather like Tom.
Yep. Yeah.
So, there we are.
Mm.
HE SIGHS
I, er... I've resigned from my job.
Well, so you can really enjoy
Pauline's company, then.
What?!
That's it. Come on.
All aboard, go on aboard!
MISS CHAND: Don't dilly-dally.
THEY LAUGH
THEY LAUGH
And this is who
we fought the war for.
Three punnets, one-and-six.
Straight from the field.
Berries fresher than my 'usband
on a Saturday night,
and the cream was in a big,
wobbly udder a couple of hours ago.
Oh, your Lords and Ladyships!
Nice to see you on board.
Yes, I'm getting a taste for it.
I love the rhythm of the track.
De-dun, de-duh,
de-dun, de-duh, de-dun, de-duh.
De-dun, de-duh, de-dun, de-duh,
de-dun, de-duh...
Yes, that's lovely, but stop.
Stop now.
Only going halfway, Ma?
Yeah, I'm meeting my sister
in Knockholt for a quick pie.
Never met her. What's she like?
Well, you won't catch me
speaking ill of my family, but...
'Ere we go.
Well, she'd rather impress
the neighbours with a new twin tub
or a Formica patio...
rather than enjoy herself.
And her husband, Howard...
well, he's even worse.
But...
SHE CHUCKLES
Well, like I say, you must
take your family as you find 'em.
SHE LAUGHS
Oh. Hello, Tom!
Ah!
Mrs Larkin. Another good turn-out.
Yep.
Oh... forgive me
being so formal, but Tom, erm...
..what are your intentions
regarding Mariette?
Well, you have created a woman
of rare beauty and grace.
Aw... haven't we just?
Answer the question.
Well, I'm still getting to know her.
Is she on board?
Oh, Tom, you haven't
got on this train
especially for Mariette, have you?
No. No, no, no. I'm just...
here doing my bit to help keep
the village transport links alive.
I'm Mariette today. Ah...
How does that feel?
Er, awkward?
Not at all.
Yeah...
HORN HONKS
Morning, trouble.
Morning, Pop.
Hey, nice work, girls!
How's your mum, Lil?
Out on parole Tuesday.
Yeah, bless her.
HE LAUGHS
Hey! Charley boy! Hop in.
Where are we off to?
I'll share you some of me savvy, eh?
Seeing as you're looking a bit low.
Come on.
Well... all right.
HORN HONKS
And don't forget, always
finish the day with a cocktail.
And that, my son,
is how to be happy.
Thank you, Pop, but...
you and I are very different.
Eh? How?
We're both decent blokes.
Love people, enjoy a laugh.
Food, drink, sun on our backs.
Yeah, but I don't seem
to have your resilience.
Exactly! So, let's sharpen you up,
shall we, eh?
Come on.
Look like you mean business.
POP LAUGHS
OK.
Come on, Vern.
You've had it forever.
No-one wants it!
You want it.
Tenner. last price.
He all right, hm?
Oh, yeah. 'Ard as nails. 'Arder.
Mm.
What do you reckon, Charley boy?
That's not worth
more than nine quid.
Done!
Eh? No, hang on a minute!
Hang on. I'll give you six.
No. Well, thank God for that,
cos that'd be a nightmare to shift.
All right.
£4 it is.
And we'll need it wrapped up.
You what?
Well, it's a present. You must
have something we can wrap it in.
Course I haven't.
All right. £2.10, unwrapped.
I put you on rhubarb.
I'm not pulling rhubarb.
It's not even a fruit.
It's veg pretending. Where's Pop?
Saving our trains.
I'm in charge here.
I'm better than rhubarb.
You know that.
Oh, sling your hook.
Oh!
THEY GRUNT
Pauline!
Argh!
Argh!
Pauline!
Go! Let's go!
SPECTATORS CLAMOURING
Get off me!
SCREAMS: Pauline!
THUD
BOTH: Ooh!
SCREAMING AND CLAMOURING
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Sorry, excuse me.
Whoa, whoa, stop, stop, stop, stop!
Oh, God, there's so much blood!
Stop!
Oh, wait, no, it's strawberries.
Sorry. Carry on.
No, no, don't! Don't carry on! Stop!
WOMAN: No, keep going!
No, Mariette, no!
Ugh!
MAN: Where're you going?
Wow.
You have never looked so beautiful.
Ta.
STATIC BUZZES
Ah...
Oh, Pop, Pop, Pop!
ANNOYED: Oh!
STATIC BUZZES
Ah, well done, well done.
There you go.
POP CHUCKLES
BELL DINGS
WOMAN: Thank you.
Foxy, nice and busy, eh?
This must be enough people
to keep the line open?
No, it's not.
What?
You've taken a fortune this week,
and this is only the start!
I reported our takings to my boss.
He says it's still not enough.
Well, the company's gotta be
coining it!
I know! I can't believe it.
He says they're losing money,
and they won't change their mind.
The station's shutting down
next week.
We should go on a hunger strike.
Well, I'm not doing that.
Let's go to your company
and argue with your boss.
Oh, don't bother.
He's a thug,
and they won't let you in.
Well, there's a challenge.
Coming, Katy?
Don't go, Pop!
He'll throw you out,
and I won't get my gold watch!
Well, if the worst happens, Foxy,
I'LL give you your gold watch.
And I'll throw in
a selection of soft fruit.
DOOR OPENS
Look at you!
SHE GASPS
All bloomin'.
Oh! Do... D'you think so?
You've had a desk on your lap
too long,
so Pop's showing you how
to wheel and deal like a tough nut.
Yep. Yeah, he... he did. Mm-hm.
Now... forget all that.
Show Mariette your romantic side.
Oi! Where d'you think you're going?
Eh? You're not telling me
you don't recognise this young lady?
Trainspotter of the Year!
How many trains you spotted, Katy?
Er... 4,983?
There you go. That's a lot of train.
That is a lot.
It is.
Let's fetch your award. Come on.
Right.
Now, listen, Mr, erm... What was it?
WHISPERS: Neal.
What, kneel?
Mr Neal.
Oh, Neal.
Mr Neal. Pop Larkin, Miss Farley.
And we're from Littlechurch,
and shame on you for wanting
to close down our branch line.
I don't want to. I hate doing it.
So don't.
People aren't using the line enough.
But they will. I'll make them.
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
Tiny trains.
An EM gauge Finescale Standard.
How lovely... to find a lady
who sees the magic
in these perfect little worlds.
I know. It's an escape,
but to something beautiful and calm.
If only your village
shared your love of trains.
Next to no revenue for years.
Might I have a look at the figures?
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
It is a mystery.
Why go by car
when you can travel on one of these?
There's more room in a car.
These figures aren't right.
You should be getting
five times this amount.
Well, last week, we took hundreds.
Well, what does that say?
Twelve pounds four and thruppence.
HORSE WHINNIES SOFTLY
Oh, no. You caught me.
Well, I don't mind appreciation.
Look, I don't know
if you do this sort of thing,
but any chance for a riding lesson?
What, now?
If you're free.
I'll pay you, obviously.
And, if I fall off and die,
I promise I won't tell anyone.
Thanks.
So, how good a rider are you?
Pff...
You... lying... pig.
I'm as surprised as you are.
SHE TUTS
You'd really run away from all this?
SHE SIGHS
Don't do it.
The good, like this,
will stay the same,
but other things
are gonna happen here.
What "things"?
Well, who knows?
New people, new life.
I can smell a change,
and change is good.
Hello, Pop!
I bet you've been dreading this day,
haven't you, Foxy, eh?
How long you been doing it?
What're you talking about?
Now, this can go either two ways,
Foxy.
You deny it all and we work out
how much exactly you've nicked
from the railway company
and you go to prison,
or you admit to filching
over all these years,
repay what you can,
they leave you be
and we may get to keep our trains.
I've never liked you.
Shut up, Foxy.
You can't prove anything.
I'll retire here,
the line will close,
and there won't be any trains
or that mindless hooting
to ruin my peace.
True, except the big cheese
we met at the railway
said that he'll just sell it.
And you'll end up living
perched on the edge of an A road.
Oh, well.
As you suggest, I've lifted
a lot of cash over the years.
I'll be fine.
But thanks for alerting me.
I'm going in now
to burn some paperwork.
Before you go...
Did you get that, PC Harness?
Get what?
His confession.
Oh, yes.
Yeah, I did. Yeah.
Good.
Come on, Pop.
I mean, I didn't take much
till the last few years,
with my retirement coming up.
Oh, that is so... Where's my hankie?
I mean, you poor, greedy old git.
Take him away.
Hello.
Er, hello, hi.
Yep... still good.
Wanna climb on? Slide in behind?
Go for a quick... tootle?
Shall I go on?
Yeah, thank you, but I...
I should, er... I should go.
I'm not put off that easy.
Pauline! Pauline, you are, erm...
Well, you're a, er...
I can't actually think
of a posh word for it.
Erm... But it's good!
But...
I...
HE SIGHS
I love another.
She tried to shame me.
Like she always has.
And I can't let that go. Ever.
I love another.
And she's going to love me.
Oh!
MA: Whoa!
Pfff!
Champion.
Ha-ha!
There you go.
Here's to the railway.
Cheers!
SHE CHUCKLES
All right.
WHISTLE BLOWS
Woo-woo!
SHE IMITATES TRAIN CHUGGING
All aboard!
SHE LAUGHS
Come on, girl.
Oh! Oh, Pop...
Oi!
What's that? A tender behind?
SHE LAUGHS
Not 'alf.
THEY MOAN
Oi, oi!
Now, there's a misspent youth.
Oh! How's Tom?
He rides as well as me,
the big fraud.
Ah, well, he will have practising
on the sly just to impress you.
Pop was the same
when we were courting. Yep.
Bird impressions.
Worked a "tweet".
Tom just told me to stay cos
"change is coming to the village".
It's like he's giving me
a nod and a wink.
PETUNIA: Can I have a go?
Yeah, go on, then.
Ah, look and learn.
Here, 'ey.
Watch this, Pop. Watch this.
Go on, then.
Do you know what?
It's glorious out, Ma.
Fancy a stroll?
Yeah. Why not, Pop?
As long as
there's no funny business.
No, not at...
IMITATES TRAIN CHUGGING
Oh!
Oh! Er...
Hello.
Sorry, I-I didn't mean to shock you.
Oh.
Ah...
Hmm...
Ooh... Your family have been
trying to wise me up and, er,
you know, knock off
some of my absurdities.
Oh, you don't need
to learn from them.
THEY CHUCKLE
Right, Mariette...
I can do things here.
Right? I have got skills.
I-I am ambitious,
and... and I am really good
with money.
I mean, yeah,
not like Pop is, but...
I know.
You don't need to persuade me.
And... And your Ma and Primrose
have already worked on
my emotional honesty,
so, Mariette...
We're thinking of adding clover
to this meadow. What do you think?
Oh, er, I... I don't...
No, no, I...
No, Mariette, if I...
It attracts bees.
Bees are good.
Uh-huh?
Yes, right, and,
on the subject of attraction...
OK, so, Mariette,
have you ever wanted to...
like, not...
not in a bee way, but just...
Actually, can we just forget
about bees for a minute?
HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY
But have you ever wanted to...
to honour beauty,
but just...
..not known how to,
except for some... some just...
HE SIGHS
..woefully inadequate...?
God, I mean...
Ooh! Actually...
Don't... Don't... Don't get up.
No, but I just...
Let's just sit here.
And... do nothing.
Just enjoy...
SHE SIGHS
..being.
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, God.
Shut up. Shut up. Sorry.
Ha... Ooh!
God...
Sorry.
Ooh...
Bzzz.
THEY LAUGH
SHE EXHALES DEEPLY
SHE GIGGLES
THAT was a good one.
It was.
Nothin' wrong with that one, girl.
SHE LAUGHS
Mmmmwah!
Mm...
Hey, hey, look!
HE WHISTLES
That's gotta be a good sign,
hasn't it?
CROWD CHATTERING
Yes, of course!
Yes.
Hello, how are you?
Hello.
Are you well? Very good.
Terrible...
Excuse me.
The most important thing
to remember, so -
the semaphore's signalling system
is horizontal red
with a white line
for an immediate stop.
The preparatory distance signal
is yellow with a black chevron.
They're not always interested.
They're not, are they?
So, obviously, we will be taking
the train the whole time now.
To Margate and all over!
Or the car.
Yeah, by car, mainly.
Well, it's easier.
It is easier.
HE CHUCKLES
You're all looking very smart!
Thank you, Charley.
It's a party, innit?
MARIETTE AND BRIGADIER LAUGH
Pretty and funny. Doesn't seem fair!
No...
SHE LAUGHS
Are you allowed to be here?
I don't recall you
helping save the trains.
Yeah, that's because,
unlike you, I was...
busy with strawberries.
What?
You gonna whack him?
No, Victoria.
I just wish that people
saw what I see.
Tom is just out for himself,
and he shouldn't be trusted.
Mate... you're jealous.
Hmm...
Mate...
those two assessments
are not mutually exclusive.
Excuse me - we should circulate.
They grow up so fast.
THEY LAUGH
I respectfully suggest
that we are a match made in heaven.
How many girls
have you said that to?
Just you.
There you go.
Thanks to our great success today,
now, we are back on track.
So, wet your whistles
and "choo-choo" the refreshments!
LAUGHTER
Whilst I use this platform
to conduct our thanks to Pop Larkin!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Who, if I may express myself
as an old buffer,
is first class and just the ticket.
LAUGHTER
So, it's my departure time now,
before you all "aboard"!
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
That's my favourite bit.
THEY LAUGH
---
Say what you like...
Bum.
Knickers.
Duck's arse.
Say what you like...
you can't beat a May Day in England.
Eggs.
Hear that, Mariette?
You will not get eggs
as good as that in France.
No. Snails for breakfast
in your France.
Croissants, actually. And baguette.
It is normal for me
to want to spread my wings.
Don't make it harder for me.
Morning.
Oh, Charley!
ALL: Good morning!
Now, are you still all right kipping
in the spare bathroom? Yeah.
Yeah, pee from your bed.
Just the job.
Yeah. That's, er,
quite a timesaver. Mm!
No, I love it here.
I'll sleep anywhere.
But I do need to get back to work.
I can't keep delaying my return
to the tax office. What?!
No, don't be daft.
Phooey.
Look, there's plenty of graft here.
The big strawberry pick
starts today. Mm.
You can help us.
Yes... Yeah, I'd love to.
I'll be flitting around as well.
Gotta find out
if Tom Fisher's serious
about turning Bluff Court
into a hotel.
Ooh, you hate having a rival.
Don't ya?
No, nonsense, Ma.
I wish him every success.
All's fair in romance and business.
Tom's your boyfriend.
No, he isn't.
He loves ya.
Everybody loves you.
THEY GIGGLE
HE WHISTLES
Come on.
That's it.
Who needs some punnets?
All right, ladies. Right. Punnets?
Here comes trouble!
You know it.
POP SHOUTS: So long!
HORN BLASTS
See you later.
Goodbye!
Bit slow, aren't you?
No, you're just very fast.
Wow!
They've run riot this year.
We'll have trouble
shifting all this fruit.
Tax man's sweating up
a storm already.
All right, duckie?
Oh, yes. Thank you... duckie.
THEY CHUCKLE
You know, you don't need
to call her duckie.
Yeah, well,
I didn't wanna look haughty.
SHE GIGGLES
All right, Libby? Something missing?
Horse.
Horse. That's the one.
Second Sunday after Trinity.
It's gonna be
a rip-snorting service.
I'll bet it is.
I plan to release doves
big as weasels.
Good!
I've borrowed 'em.
They'll be on a long string,
so I'll get 'em back. Huh.
Ah, my two favourite people.
What's wrong with your faces?
The railway station is closing.
No!
Absolutely ghastly. I love trains.
The dining car,
cheery liveried porters...
"All aboard!"
When were you last on a train,
Edith?
Oh, not for donkey's years.
Me, neither.
Maybe that's the problem.
I use them all the time.
I suppose I'll get used to advancing
by bus instead... rather slowly.
General, we can't have that.
Mornin'.
Not bad, eh? Ripe and luscious.
Right, let's get these weighed.
How would you weigh them?
You're melting.
POP WHISTLES
BELL DINGS
What's all this, Foxy?
Shutting up shop?
Looks like it. Disaster.
How are folks gonna get to town?
Ask the train company.
They only care about money,
not ordinary people.
What'll it take
to change their minds?
Nothing. Sign of the times.
Branch lines for the chop all over.
You've gotta fight it, man!
I just haven't got any fight
left in me.
What's all this nonsense, Katy?
I'm trainspotting, Mr Larkin.
It's actually quite intense.
Yeah, no, the line closing.
Oh, yes. I don't know what I'll do.
So, how are we gonna keep it open?
THEY CHATTER
No, she'll be delighted
I'm not there.
She's the type of landlady
that counts out the baked beans
for breakfast.
HE CHUCKLES
Ah, this place must be
quite a shock, then.
Yeah, it is. I mean,
there is so much of everything.
Well, we're the lucky ones.
Garden of England.
All right?
Do I detect the tiniest,
so, so tiniest, hint of, uh,
of friction between you and Pauline?
Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. I, uh, I know
she poured wine down your dress.
She treated you very "Chablis".
THEY LAUGH
Ah, well, there's no hatred deeper
than one that started in love
and friendship.
Don't you dare get off with her.
Huh, how could I?
She's another reason I'm going away.
OK, but, still, in time,
that might change.
It's not going to change.
OK, but it might.
It won't.
Right, fine.
OK, but if it does, if it does,
that would be,
that would be fantastic. Thanks.
SHE GIGGLES
So, how's the manual labour
treating you?
Oh, yeah, fabulously.
I'm already hurt all over.
I'll put you on weighing.
Get a chair.
RADIO PLAYS
DOOR OPENS
Hello, kids!
Hello! Hello, Mum.
There's my little treacle tarts.
That's right, you get stuck in.
MA VACUUMS
All right, my little cherry cakes,
good day at school?
Mm-hm.
Yeah.
Yeah. That's the way.
OK.
40...
Poll Saunders. Two baskets.
Thank you.
Lil, duckie.
How, how many?
Three baskets.
Right, OK.
What am I saying?
I mean three an' all.
Are you sure?
You saying we're lying?
No. No.
Not out loud, anyway.
That's where you got to.
Oh, yeah, well, I... I have
a history of clerical work, so...
Nice to be some people. Two baskets.
Thank you. Thank you.
I'll, er, push off, then.
See you later, Charley.
If not before.
Ooh, company. Boss's daughter.
Tart.
Freeloader.
I don't think
I've ever seen you angry before.
I pull my weight.
I don't like seeing you
treated like meat.
Miss Chand. Always an honour.
Face of an angel.
Mr Larkin, your children
were late this morning.
Yep.
Oh, you want a reason?
Strawberry picking.
Very educational.
And on that topic, what is more
educational than a train ride?
Almost anything. You know
the branch line is shutting?
And Katy... specs, trainspotter.
Don't judge.
She says that they're gonna
do the final headcount
of passengers this very week.
So if we pack in all the locals,
we could save it.
Most of my pupils
can't afford to go on jaunts.
I'll pay for those who can't.
Where would they go?
Ah-ha!
Are you not missing the tax lark?
Well, it is important work,
of course.
Is it, darling?
Anyway, anyway... I have had
the best time down here, Ma.
You've all been so friendly.
Oh, you should stay on.
Intelligent bloke like you.
You could be a big boon hereabouts.
A big, big boon.
Thank you. To be honest,
I am racked with indecision.
My whole life, all I've tried to do
is, is contribute to society.
You've come to the right place.
Plenty of society down here.
Wrapped up in nice scenery.
No, I know. But I do feel
I need a slightly better...
PIG GRUNTS
..reason to stay!
Oh, Ma, what...?
HE STRAINS
SHE GIGGLES
CROWD CHATTING
Hello. Use the stairs.
BELL DINGS
Morning, kids.
Children, line up. Don't swarm.
Miss Chand?
See? Folks just need reminding that
a train goes through the village.
Enjoy the journey.
BELL DINGS
Get yourself a ticket.
Lovely to see you all. Ah, Tom-Tom.
Come on, spill the whatsits
on your new venture.
Well, it's not really
a whatsit-spilling situation.
I'm just turning an abandoned pile
into a friendly little hotel.
Well, good for you.
The village is agog.
And thanks for helping
to keep the line open.
Well, a modern economy needs
a comprehensive
transport infrastructure.
And THAT is one of my catchphrases.
HE CHUCKLES
How's the family?
In the flippin' pink.
And is Mariette here?
No. You still wanna buy a ticket?
Er, of course I do.
POP LAUGHS
That's it, Tom. Thank you.
BELL DINGS
Thank you.
Oh, no!
It's not a war on again?
Ha! No, I'm meeting up
with some old army pals.
Well, good for you, anyway.
Yeah.
Er, General, please. Stand easy.
Keep the home fires burning.
Ha-ha!
Thank you, sir.
You're welcome. You're welcome.
So exciting, Mr Larkin.
I've never seen so many passengers.
Right.
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
Hush. A train!
I think it's a Class 5 BR1B Tender.
Ah, very good.
That'll take care of the stragglers.
Come on, ladies and gentlemen!
Kids, let's be having you.
Come on! It's a Class 5 BR1B...
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
..Tender!
Morning.
Miss Pilchester.
How are you?
Very well.
SHE SIGHS
Ah...
It's like Sodom and Gomorrah
with strawberries!
Poll - you missed one!
AUNT FAN CACKLES
So... no-one strips off
at the tax office, then?
No! No.
We have a rigidly enforced
dress code.
SHE CHUCKLES
In fact,
everything is rigidly enforced.
Apart from enjoyment.
Whoa! That'll take some selling.
If you're not careful,
we'll be boiling up a lot of jam.
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
Everyone all right?
That's the Allied Victory Medal...
that's the 1914-15 Star.
Mm.
What's that one?
Oh, that's actually for swimming,
but it's a lovely blue.
All right, everyone?
Miss Chand. Lovely to see you.
Nice bit of company
for a change, Alec?
I preferred it when it was just me
and Mr Garnish.
What the hell?!
Mr Garnish doesn't like the smells
these children are making.
Or not that often.
We're trying to save
your commuter line.
You should be thanking us all.
No, I'm not going to do that,
cos I hate you all.
Dad? We're starving.
Me too.
Me too. Absolutely ghastly hunger,
Mr Larkin. Do feel my ribs.
Wasn't there a refreshment trolley
on the train?
They stopped it.
No!
Oh! Come on, then.
Come on, everyone. That's it.
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
So, where is the place of
"educational interest" you promised?
All right, Frank?
If you run, I will personally
make sure you never run again!
MUSIC: 'In The Mood'
by Glenn Miller
SHE HUMS ALONG
PHONE RINGS
Yep?
CHILDREN PLAYING,
COINS DISPENSING
It's me, you gorgeous lump o' woman.
SHE LAUGHS
What's up, you big farmy lunatic?
Load the truck up with strawberries
and get Mariette to bring it over
to Forch Station.
Quick-like,
otherwise the train'll be gone.
MISS CHAND: Very good.
Come on, children. Hurry up.
Orderly fashion onto the train.
Come on.
Cracking.
WHISTLE BLOWS
Come on...
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
Hello, me old mate. I think
there's something under your wheel.
Have a look, here.
I mean, a nice, full train an' all,
you know...
Shame to spoil the mood.
No, can't see nothing.
Maybe it's someone's favourite pet.
HE GRUNTS
You know?
Don't worry.
I think that's a shadow.
Er, thank you.
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
Any chance of a lift?
Well, this is
an unexpected pleasure.
Well, it's nice
to sell folks something they want
that we've got lots of.
You know I mean being with you.
Still planning
on leaving the village?
Yep, in a month or two.
Chance to learn le bon Francais!
Sounds good, eh?
Et ca va comment?
Tu parles comme une indigene deja?
I'm so tempted to crash this
and kill you.
Well, if you spare me
and I have a future, it's here.
How can I make you feel the same?
Ugh!
Don't you start. It's a hard enough
place to leave as it is,
as my friend Charley's finding out.
The tax man?
Mm-hm.
What kind of "friend" is he?
Oh, the best kind.
He doesn't bombard me
with questions, like you.
It's time we went on another date.
Oh, a date, was it?
Well, maybe one that doesn't end
with you scrapping with a waitress.
With you watching! And smirking.
Well, if there's one thing
that we men like -
and this is scientifically proven -
it's watching pretty girls wrestle.
Wanna meet up later?
Oh. Er... thank you,
but I... I need to be home.
SHE SIGHS
Don't wait for Mariette.
She's off.
And she's not the one for you.
Why... do you say that?
She's hard work.
I'm a delight.
HE EXHALES SHARPLY
I like you.
You're... kind.
I don't go for that normally,
but I'm ready.
And one for you.
Would you like a punnet, sir?
Just one, please.
Here we go. That's sixpence, please.
There you go. Sir, madam.
Two? Do you want one or two?
Just the one? OK.
You can trifle with her later.
THEY LAUGH
Ah, Miss Chand!
Now, strawberries...
This is for you.
COINS CLATTER,
HE SIGHS
DIAL TONE
Afternoon! Er, afternoon, sir.
It's Char...
Cedric Charlton.
Right, I... I apologise
for being off for so long, but...
..well, ever since
you've sent me down here
to investigate the Larkins,
my life has just changed exponen...
Are... Are you there, Mr Potts?
I'm waiting for you
to say something intelligible.
Right. I'm staying down here,
and I have holiday to take,
so... I am resigning
with immediate effect.
Because I have learned
that life and love are precious.
'Have you lost your mind, Charlton?'
Tax collection
is a solemn undertaking,
and you will regret spouting
beatnik baloney at me,
because, in the end,
you just need to grow up...
HE SIGHS
INDISTINCT OVER TELEPHONE
HE SIGHS
..grow up, and there will be
a significantly impaired
pension provision.
Thank you.
SIGHING: Ah!
HE SIGHS
Whoa. Let me help you with that.
Shouldn't you be...
choosing lino for your hotel?
Yes, but it's important
not to neglect the physical.
HE GRUNTS
Good, that all seems to be...
in order.
LAUGHING: No! No!
It's just... It's just a...
CHUCKLING: Yes... Go away!
TV: 'Young louts.
Are you all right?'
'Yes. Let's get on.'
Shouldn't we just watch one?
Well, we've got two.
Might as well use 'em!
Anyone seen Charley?
We thought he was with you.
No, I was just chatting with Tom.
For three hours?!
Mm...
He's so smooth.
Makes a nice change from rough.
Too many lads in this village
think farting
is the last word in entertainment.
So... where is our Charley?
HE SMACKS HIS LIPS,
HE SIGHS
SHE GULPS,
GLASS THUNKS
You know your problem?
Yes.
Oh, yes.
You're flesh and blood, like me.
But you're fighting it.
Well, it's true.
I have never felt so much...
sap rising as down here.
Er, down here in the countryside.
Oh... Got it.
Mm, the tax office,
my, er, erstwhile employer,
was entirely free of... sap.
You've been corking it up
since you arrived.
I want to get your cork out.
Well, you can't, because I am
saving myself for Mariette Larkin.
But she's not saving herself
for you.
I know.
Can't be right, can it?
What? Er...
LIQUID SLOSHES
Oh... Fancy another?
Question is...
who'll best make Mariette stay?
Charley or Tom?
Well... that all depends
whether Charley's planted his veg
in another furrow.
Charley's better for her.
But Tom's the pretty one.
And he knows
how to behave with women.
Ma, we've got to stay out of it.
She knows we love her
and we don't want her leaving.
That is why you are after
saving our railway!
You can't stop your daughter
doing what she wants,
but this is something
that you can do something about.
HE HUFFS
Oh...
Mariette is used
to fending off lads, but...
..she's not so good at
letting someone into her heart. Mm.
Charley's the man.
Mariette just needs
to fall in love with him.
Oh!
Ah...
Argh! Argh...
KNOCK ON DOOR,
DOOR OPENS
Charley was drinking
with Pauline last night.
They were standing all close,
and she kissed him!
Postal Pete got it from Old Reg.
Well... you can't blame Charley.
No surprise she's in there
like a dog on a side of beef.
Don't take this lying down!
What are you gonna do?
Nothing. It's simpler this way.
I just hope he realises
that she'll toss him away.
But you can tell he loves you.
Well, he hasn't told me.
Because you said you're leaving!
Ugh, this is so sad.
Love can be.
And you've had your taste of that.
Mm...
We can't all be as lucky
as Pop and Ma.
Both in love from the off.
WHISPERS: Effortless.
Look, Charley's... special.
PRIMROSE CHUCKLES
I mean, sometimes,
it's like talking to an owl.
But you've gotta love him.
I know!
And... Tom?
Ugh! He's so handsome.
Mm...
When he took his shirt off,
I half hoped a great big beer gut
would tumble out.
Maybe he was holding it in,
like Pop.
Very much not.
And I'm still leaving.
No! How can you?
Because if two men
arrive in a village
are that interesting, imagine
what else's out there in the world.
Or... it doesn't get
any better than them,
and you should stay and find out!
But don't choose Tom.
Or Charley will go with Pauline.
BELL DINGS
POP: That's it, get your tickets.
Ahhh!
Darlin'! Ain't I the cat
what caught the proverbial?
You are, Ma, you are.
Join the queue,
get yourself a ticket.
That's it.
Enjoy the ride, everyone, won't you?
Sir George and Lady.
So glad you could come along.
Hm.
Well, we'd hate to lose our railway.
Yes. Love trains.
Steam, that's the future.
So, you gonna tell me why
you sold your rumpty old mansion
to Tom instead of me?
I'm afraid that's confidential.
He said we could live on there in
an outbuilding at a peppercorn rent.
And do you have that in writing?
Yes.
Do buy yourself a selection
of on-board refreshment.
Ah, I love the steam...
Ah! It's the gilded youths.
'Ey? And Miss Chand, of course.
Nice evening?
Yup.
You?
Cracking.
How was Pauline?
Friendly. Rather like Tom.
Yep. Yeah.
So, there we are.
Mm.
HE SIGHS
I, er... I've resigned from my job.
Well, so you can really enjoy
Pauline's company, then.
What?!
That's it. Come on.
All aboard, go on aboard!
MISS CHAND: Don't dilly-dally.
THEY LAUGH
THEY LAUGH
And this is who
we fought the war for.
Three punnets, one-and-six.
Straight from the field.
Berries fresher than my 'usband
on a Saturday night,
and the cream was in a big,
wobbly udder a couple of hours ago.
Oh, your Lords and Ladyships!
Nice to see you on board.
Yes, I'm getting a taste for it.
I love the rhythm of the track.
De-dun, de-duh,
de-dun, de-duh, de-dun, de-duh.
De-dun, de-duh, de-dun, de-duh,
de-dun, de-duh...
Yes, that's lovely, but stop.
Stop now.
Only going halfway, Ma?
Yeah, I'm meeting my sister
in Knockholt for a quick pie.
Never met her. What's she like?
Well, you won't catch me
speaking ill of my family, but...
'Ere we go.
Well, she'd rather impress
the neighbours with a new twin tub
or a Formica patio...
rather than enjoy herself.
And her husband, Howard...
well, he's even worse.
But...
SHE CHUCKLES
Well, like I say, you must
take your family as you find 'em.
SHE LAUGHS
Oh. Hello, Tom!
Ah!
Mrs Larkin. Another good turn-out.
Yep.
Oh... forgive me
being so formal, but Tom, erm...
..what are your intentions
regarding Mariette?
Well, you have created a woman
of rare beauty and grace.
Aw... haven't we just?
Answer the question.
Well, I'm still getting to know her.
Is she on board?
Oh, Tom, you haven't
got on this train
especially for Mariette, have you?
No. No, no, no. I'm just...
here doing my bit to help keep
the village transport links alive.
I'm Mariette today. Ah...
How does that feel?
Er, awkward?
Not at all.
Yeah...
HORN HONKS
Morning, trouble.
Morning, Pop.
Hey, nice work, girls!
How's your mum, Lil?
Out on parole Tuesday.
Yeah, bless her.
HE LAUGHS
Hey! Charley boy! Hop in.
Where are we off to?
I'll share you some of me savvy, eh?
Seeing as you're looking a bit low.
Come on.
Well... all right.
HORN HONKS
And don't forget, always
finish the day with a cocktail.
And that, my son,
is how to be happy.
Thank you, Pop, but...
you and I are very different.
Eh? How?
We're both decent blokes.
Love people, enjoy a laugh.
Food, drink, sun on our backs.
Yeah, but I don't seem
to have your resilience.
Exactly! So, let's sharpen you up,
shall we, eh?
Come on.
Look like you mean business.
POP LAUGHS
OK.
Come on, Vern.
You've had it forever.
No-one wants it!
You want it.
Tenner. last price.
He all right, hm?
Oh, yeah. 'Ard as nails. 'Arder.
Mm.
What do you reckon, Charley boy?
That's not worth
more than nine quid.
Done!
Eh? No, hang on a minute!
Hang on. I'll give you six.
No. Well, thank God for that,
cos that'd be a nightmare to shift.
All right.
£4 it is.
And we'll need it wrapped up.
You what?
Well, it's a present. You must
have something we can wrap it in.
Course I haven't.
All right. £2.10, unwrapped.
I put you on rhubarb.
I'm not pulling rhubarb.
It's not even a fruit.
It's veg pretending. Where's Pop?
Saving our trains.
I'm in charge here.
I'm better than rhubarb.
You know that.
Oh, sling your hook.
Oh!
THEY GRUNT
Pauline!
Argh!
Argh!
Pauline!
Go! Let's go!
SPECTATORS CLAMOURING
Get off me!
SCREAMS: Pauline!
THUD
BOTH: Ooh!
SCREAMING AND CLAMOURING
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Sorry, excuse me.
Whoa, whoa, stop, stop, stop, stop!
Oh, God, there's so much blood!
Stop!
Oh, wait, no, it's strawberries.
Sorry. Carry on.
No, no, don't! Don't carry on! Stop!
WOMAN: No, keep going!
No, Mariette, no!
Ugh!
MAN: Where're you going?
Wow.
You have never looked so beautiful.
Ta.
STATIC BUZZES
Ah...
Oh, Pop, Pop, Pop!
ANNOYED: Oh!
STATIC BUZZES
Ah, well done, well done.
There you go.
POP CHUCKLES
BELL DINGS
WOMAN: Thank you.
Foxy, nice and busy, eh?
This must be enough people
to keep the line open?
No, it's not.
What?
You've taken a fortune this week,
and this is only the start!
I reported our takings to my boss.
He says it's still not enough.
Well, the company's gotta be
coining it!
I know! I can't believe it.
He says they're losing money,
and they won't change their mind.
The station's shutting down
next week.
We should go on a hunger strike.
Well, I'm not doing that.
Let's go to your company
and argue with your boss.
Oh, don't bother.
He's a thug,
and they won't let you in.
Well, there's a challenge.
Coming, Katy?
Don't go, Pop!
He'll throw you out,
and I won't get my gold watch!
Well, if the worst happens, Foxy,
I'LL give you your gold watch.
And I'll throw in
a selection of soft fruit.
DOOR OPENS
Look at you!
SHE GASPS
All bloomin'.
Oh! Do... D'you think so?
You've had a desk on your lap
too long,
so Pop's showing you how
to wheel and deal like a tough nut.
Yep. Yeah, he... he did. Mm-hm.
Now... forget all that.
Show Mariette your romantic side.
Oi! Where d'you think you're going?
Eh? You're not telling me
you don't recognise this young lady?
Trainspotter of the Year!
How many trains you spotted, Katy?
Er... 4,983?
There you go. That's a lot of train.
That is a lot.
It is.
Let's fetch your award. Come on.
Right.
Now, listen, Mr, erm... What was it?
WHISPERS: Neal.
What, kneel?
Mr Neal.
Oh, Neal.
Mr Neal. Pop Larkin, Miss Farley.
And we're from Littlechurch,
and shame on you for wanting
to close down our branch line.
I don't want to. I hate doing it.
So don't.
People aren't using the line enough.
But they will. I'll make them.
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
Tiny trains.
An EM gauge Finescale Standard.
How lovely... to find a lady
who sees the magic
in these perfect little worlds.
I know. It's an escape,
but to something beautiful and calm.
If only your village
shared your love of trains.
Next to no revenue for years.
Might I have a look at the figures?
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
It is a mystery.
Why go by car
when you can travel on one of these?
There's more room in a car.
These figures aren't right.
You should be getting
five times this amount.
Well, last week, we took hundreds.
Well, what does that say?
Twelve pounds four and thruppence.
HORSE WHINNIES SOFTLY
Oh, no. You caught me.
Well, I don't mind appreciation.
Look, I don't know
if you do this sort of thing,
but any chance for a riding lesson?
What, now?
If you're free.
I'll pay you, obviously.
And, if I fall off and die,
I promise I won't tell anyone.
Thanks.
So, how good a rider are you?
Pff...
You... lying... pig.
I'm as surprised as you are.
SHE TUTS
You'd really run away from all this?
SHE SIGHS
Don't do it.
The good, like this,
will stay the same,
but other things
are gonna happen here.
What "things"?
Well, who knows?
New people, new life.
I can smell a change,
and change is good.
Hello, Pop!
I bet you've been dreading this day,
haven't you, Foxy, eh?
How long you been doing it?
What're you talking about?
Now, this can go either two ways,
Foxy.
You deny it all and we work out
how much exactly you've nicked
from the railway company
and you go to prison,
or you admit to filching
over all these years,
repay what you can,
they leave you be
and we may get to keep our trains.
I've never liked you.
Shut up, Foxy.
You can't prove anything.
I'll retire here,
the line will close,
and there won't be any trains
or that mindless hooting
to ruin my peace.
True, except the big cheese
we met at the railway
said that he'll just sell it.
And you'll end up living
perched on the edge of an A road.
Oh, well.
As you suggest, I've lifted
a lot of cash over the years.
I'll be fine.
But thanks for alerting me.
I'm going in now
to burn some paperwork.
Before you go...
Did you get that, PC Harness?
Get what?
His confession.
Oh, yes.
Yeah, I did. Yeah.
Good.
Come on, Pop.
I mean, I didn't take much
till the last few years,
with my retirement coming up.
Oh, that is so... Where's my hankie?
I mean, you poor, greedy old git.
Take him away.
Hello.
Er, hello, hi.
Yep... still good.
Wanna climb on? Slide in behind?
Go for a quick... tootle?
Shall I go on?
Yeah, thank you, but I...
I should, er... I should go.
I'm not put off that easy.
Pauline! Pauline, you are, erm...
Well, you're a, er...
I can't actually think
of a posh word for it.
Erm... But it's good!
But...
I...
HE SIGHS
I love another.
She tried to shame me.
Like she always has.
And I can't let that go. Ever.
I love another.
And she's going to love me.
Oh!
MA: Whoa!
Pfff!
Champion.
Ha-ha!
There you go.
Here's to the railway.
Cheers!
SHE CHUCKLES
All right.
WHISTLE BLOWS
Woo-woo!
SHE IMITATES TRAIN CHUGGING
All aboard!
SHE LAUGHS
Come on, girl.
Oh! Oh, Pop...
Oi!
What's that? A tender behind?
SHE LAUGHS
Not 'alf.
THEY MOAN
Oi, oi!
Now, there's a misspent youth.
Oh! How's Tom?
He rides as well as me,
the big fraud.
Ah, well, he will have practising
on the sly just to impress you.
Pop was the same
when we were courting. Yep.
Bird impressions.
Worked a "tweet".
Tom just told me to stay cos
"change is coming to the village".
It's like he's giving me
a nod and a wink.
PETUNIA: Can I have a go?
Yeah, go on, then.
Ah, look and learn.
Here, 'ey.
Watch this, Pop. Watch this.
Go on, then.
Do you know what?
It's glorious out, Ma.
Fancy a stroll?
Yeah. Why not, Pop?
As long as
there's no funny business.
No, not at...
IMITATES TRAIN CHUGGING
Oh!
Oh! Er...
Hello.
Sorry, I-I didn't mean to shock you.
Oh.
Ah...
Hmm...
Ooh... Your family have been
trying to wise me up and, er,
you know, knock off
some of my absurdities.
Oh, you don't need
to learn from them.
THEY CHUCKLE
Right, Mariette...
I can do things here.
Right? I have got skills.
I-I am ambitious,
and... and I am really good
with money.
I mean, yeah,
not like Pop is, but...
I know.
You don't need to persuade me.
And... And your Ma and Primrose
have already worked on
my emotional honesty,
so, Mariette...
We're thinking of adding clover
to this meadow. What do you think?
Oh, er, I... I don't...
No, no, I...
No, Mariette, if I...
It attracts bees.
Bees are good.
Uh-huh?
Yes, right, and,
on the subject of attraction...
OK, so, Mariette,
have you ever wanted to...
like, not...
not in a bee way, but just...
Actually, can we just forget
about bees for a minute?
HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY
But have you ever wanted to...
to honour beauty,
but just...
..not known how to,
except for some... some just...
HE SIGHS
..woefully inadequate...?
God, I mean...
Ooh! Actually...
Don't... Don't... Don't get up.
No, but I just...
Let's just sit here.
And... do nothing.
Just enjoy...
SHE SIGHS
..being.
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, God.
Shut up. Shut up. Sorry.
Ha... Ooh!
God...
Sorry.
Ooh...
Bzzz.
THEY LAUGH
SHE EXHALES DEEPLY
SHE GIGGLES
THAT was a good one.
It was.
Nothin' wrong with that one, girl.
SHE LAUGHS
Mmmmwah!
Mm...
Hey, hey, look!
HE WHISTLES
That's gotta be a good sign,
hasn't it?
CROWD CHATTERING
Yes, of course!
Yes.
Hello, how are you?
Hello.
Are you well? Very good.
Terrible...
Excuse me.
The most important thing
to remember, so -
the semaphore's signalling system
is horizontal red
with a white line
for an immediate stop.
The preparatory distance signal
is yellow with a black chevron.
They're not always interested.
They're not, are they?
So, obviously, we will be taking
the train the whole time now.
To Margate and all over!
Or the car.
Yeah, by car, mainly.
Well, it's easier.
It is easier.
HE CHUCKLES
You're all looking very smart!
Thank you, Charley.
It's a party, innit?
MARIETTE AND BRIGADIER LAUGH
Pretty and funny. Doesn't seem fair!
No...
SHE LAUGHS
Are you allowed to be here?
I don't recall you
helping save the trains.
Yeah, that's because,
unlike you, I was...
busy with strawberries.
What?
You gonna whack him?
No, Victoria.
I just wish that people
saw what I see.
Tom is just out for himself,
and he shouldn't be trusted.
Mate... you're jealous.
Hmm...
Mate...
those two assessments
are not mutually exclusive.
Excuse me - we should circulate.
They grow up so fast.
THEY LAUGH
I respectfully suggest
that we are a match made in heaven.
How many girls
have you said that to?
Just you.
There you go.
Thanks to our great success today,
now, we are back on track.
So, wet your whistles
and "choo-choo" the refreshments!
LAUGHTER
Whilst I use this platform
to conduct our thanks to Pop Larkin!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Who, if I may express myself
as an old buffer,
is first class and just the ticket.
LAUGHTER
So, it's my departure time now,
before you all "aboard"!
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
That's my favourite bit.
THEY LAUGH