The Bionic Woman (1976–1978): Season 3, Episode 15 - The Martians Are Coming, the Martians Are Coming - full transcript

Rudy Wells and fellow OSI operative Ray Fisk are abducted by a bright red flying saucer near the underground laboratory specializing in UFO sightings known as 'The Barn'. Jaime Sommers decides to investigate and runs into nosy reporter Casey.

This area has the highest incidences of UFO
sightings I haven't been able to disprove.

What is wrong?
It's over the ocean!

There is someone out there.

I saw it. A light came
out of the saucer.

It lifted them right off the pier.

Ray Fisk and Rudy.

Hey, Bill, you going to give us a hand?
Let him enjoy the view.

Skies that color in Washington usually
come from the smog. That's not fair, Ray.

Washington's a beautiful city.
You know, I have to admit,

I was happy when Oscar asked
me to come out here with him

to counsel you fellas
on this project.

Mixing a little work with pleasure is the only way
to fly.

You know, after the two years we've been here, my
ulcer hasn't acted up once.

I wish this project could go on forever.

Maybe next time you guys will
learn to work a little slower.

I'll go for that.

We better be on our way or we’re going
to miss the big ones.

You sure you won't come along, Bill?
No, thank you.

I prefer catching my sea bass
at the local supermarket.

Besides which, Oscar and I have some
business to attend to.

So listen, Ray, when
he comes up here,

steer him over to your place. Norma has promised
us a delicious cup of coffee.

Will do.

Do you have the sunscreen?
I have everything except you.

You going to pick us up at one?
We'll be there.

I love you.

Let's go. Bill.
See you later.

Take care.

Hurry, hurry.

Hurry, Edna.
Can you see the dock there?

What's going on?
What's wrong?

It's over the ocean.
What is?

There's someone out there.
There sure is.

Here, this I've got to see.

It's Ray, Bill.

Oh, my God.


Oh, Ray. Ray!

Mr. Johnson, the saucer stopped over the men.
What then?

And then this light comes out of the saucer
and plucks them two guys right off the pier.

That's right. Did you see anyone inside
the saucer? Any spacemen 7

Tell them, Harris.

It was just like what
Mrs. Green saw last spring.

Mrs. Green?
That's right.

Well, they was scaly,
like lizards or something.

And they were peeking through the windows
through their one big eye.

One eye?
Yeah. Right here.

Right here, in the center
of their head.

It was n't scaly, Harris.
It was lumps.

Max, Max, please. Be patient. Okay? I'm
going to fix your breakfast in a minute.

Well, Mrs. Green saw scales.

Well, Mrs. Green's getting senile and I think
you're getting senile, too.

Thank you both for your vivid description.
The scene here at Paradise Cove can best

be described as frantic. This small costal
town was stunned early this morning...

Wait a minute, that's Oscar.

Appeared over the coast and
plucked two men from the pier.

Both local and federal officials are combing the
site of the abduction

for possible clues to the origin of the
mysterious craft, and are

trying to discourage flying saucer stories until
their investigation is complete.

Most witnesses describe the object as being
orange in color...


One thing is certain, a red beam came down from
the center of the saucer

and enveloped two unidentified men who were
standing on the pier.

Eyewitnesses watched in horror as the men
seemed to disappear

inside the beam. When the beam disintegrated,
the men were gone.

More to come later on this
extraordinary sighting.

This is Sandi Smolker reporting for KMS TV,
Paradise Cove, California.

Paradise Cove. That is only
20 minutes away from here.

I don't know why Oscar
didn't call us, too.


You know, it's a good thing those folks on the TV
can't see the things that you do.

They'd figure you're from Mars too. Better fix
something for the both of us, huh?

Excuse me? I'm looking for Oscar Goldman.
He's with the O.S.I.

Can you tell me where he is?

Sorry, ma'am, but you'll have to move on.
I'm a very good friend of his,

so if you could just tell me...
Move on, ma'am.

Hey, where do you think you're going?

I told you about that before.


NORMA: Why... Why did it
have to happen?

ROBBINS: I don't know, Norma.
I don't know.

We'll find them. No, we won't. It's because
of that project.

They didn't want us to do it.
They didn't want Ray to do it.

Would you like some coffee?
Maybe something to eat? No.

There's something that I have to do. Will you
be okay, Norma?



What are you doing here? Well, I was watching this
circus on television. And

I saw you. And I didn't even
know you were in California.

Oh, so your curiosity was aroused and you decided
to come see me, huh?

Well, yes, that's true.
What's going on here?

Isn't that Bill Robbins over
there with that woman? Yes, it is.

Come over here.

I think it's safe to talk here.

So talk. I can't believe what I've been hearing.
Martians, flying saucers.

I know this is going to sound crazy,

but there was something
out there. I saw it.

You saw it? Come on, Oscar.
What did you see?

A flying saucer. Everything that these
people are saying is true.

A great big flying saucer.

Really? Well, wait a minute. What about Bill
Robbins, he's a UFO expert.

Did he see it too?

He hasn't got the faintest idea about it.

But it was there as plain as day. It flew over
them and they disappeared.

Yes. It was a beam.

A light came out of the saucer. Lt lifted them
right off the pier.

Who? Ray Fisk and Rudy,
Rudy Wells.

Oh, my God.

Okay, Oscar is flying back
to Washington

to put a lid on this thing,
but where are we going?

ROBBINS: To give you a guided tour.
A tour of what? Stagebrush?

You know, this kind of thing brings out every
reporter and crazy for a thousand miles.

Yeah. And if they start checking out Ray or Rudy
too closely,

this whole thing could
blow up in our faces.

What whole thing? That's what you're
about to find out.

10:00 am, William Robbins, domestic operations
chief for the O.S.I.,

has just taken a young woman, possibly an
agent, into a barn near County Road 102.

Suspect high security and something very
valuable inside.

Well, for a barn, this
is quite a laboratory.

For a laboratory,
it's quite a laboratory.

Well, what is it?
What goes on here?

Well, what you see here is the
control center for the most sophisticated

tracking system in the world.

And it just happens to be located
underneath a barn in Southern California.

But there's a method
to this madness.

Okay. Now, Rudy created this system
about two years ago

but the O.S.I. couldn't
rationalize building it

until they found something to test it on.

What are you testing? Low flying chickens?
No. UFOs.

Okay, so that's where you come in.
Right. Now, as you can see,

this area has the highest incidence
of UFO sightings in the world.

I'm not surprised, Bill, with the people I saw
out there today.

No, legitimate sightings, Jaime. Sightings I
haven't been able to disprove.

So we decided to kill two birds.

Now, Rudy's system is supposed
to be able to track an object

up to one hundred thousand milles an hour. Now,
what better way to test it

than to have it attempt to track a UFO?
Is that from this morning?


And it doesn't look good. What's the matter?
Didn't it track?

Oh, it tracked, all right.
This is the cove.

Now, it approached the pier
and hovered for about a minute

then it went up the coastline, over the cliffs and
then straight out into space

and off of my scope.

Mr. Robbins, I don't mind
telling you, I'm scared.

I mean, Ray used to joke
about it, but...

Excuse me. Wait a minute.
Is that Ray Fisk?

Yeah, Ray programmed all
the computers for this system.

Okay. What did he say? Well, he used to
joke about it.

Said that if the Martians find out we're
tracking them, they just might come down

and put us all away.

Or carry us away?


Oh, Mrs. Fisk, can I ask
you a couple questions?

Do you really think they were Martians?

Excuse me, Mrs. Fisk, what do you do now?
What do you do now?

Your husband has been in contact with them
before, Mrs. Fisk?

Mrs. Fisk, as a woman, do you think this will
significantly alter your lifestyle?

All right, all right, that's enough.
Mrs. Fisk...

Hey, we've got other
questions for her.

I represent the entire women's...

I said, that's enough. Mrs. Fisk? I'm
from the farm.

It's all right, let him through.

It's really been an awful experience.

I know, I know, it's been
difficult and I'm sorry,

but we have to know exactly
what your husband was wearing.

Well, they were both wearing
old jeans and work shirts.

Ray had on a red and
white baseball hat

and he lent an old green hat to Rudy.

It had Sherlock Holmes
ear flaps. You know.

Look, can't you ask Bill Robbins these questions?
I'm really very tired.

I'm afraid Mr. Robbins
wouldn't be as cooperative.

He sent you here, didn't he?

No. I'm a stringer for
the National Wire Service.

Well then, how did you
know about the farm?

What's going on with that project?
No project.

How about your husband? Does
he work for the O.S.I.? No.

Dr. Rudy Wells?

Then how about that saucer episode this morning?
Have anything to do with it?

Look, my husband is probably dead

and you have the gall
to stand here...

I don't believe your
husband is dead...

Get out of here.
Get out of here!

Mobile operator 555-3131.



It's all set. They delivered
the first part of the money.

Are you all right? How do you feel?
How do I feel?

I feel like a very rich man, Norma.
Like a very rich man.

Nena said it came inland
and then down the coast.

And over the cliff.


What the...

Oh, no, you don't. You're not
going to get away from me.

Hi there. Beautiful view, isn't it?

Listen, you can save us a lot of trouble by
not trying to con me.

I know you didn't come up here for the view
and neither did I.

To ask you some questions.
How'd you get up here so fast?

Oh, just clean living, good nutrition, a lot of
mountain climbing experience.

Do the questions get any harder?

How do you know Oscar Goldman?
Oscar who?

Come on, I saw you talking to him down there and I
know he took an Air Force jet

back to Washington.

What's the O.S.I. got to do with this, and what's
your connection with

Oscar Goldman and Robbins?

And what's in that barn?

You know, grilling like this usually takes place
in a very smoke-filled room

with a big white light beaming in on your face.
Not in a beautiful place like this.

You're being evasive. And you're being
obnoxious, Mr...

Mr. Casey.

I'm not going to answer any questions I don't feel
like answering. You got that?

All right. Fair enough for now.
Do you mind if I tag along?

If you think you can keep up.

What's your name?

Hello, darling.

Yes, Ray. Now is the time to deliver
the other half of the plans.

You know what to do.
Yes. Yes, I know.

Are you sure that everything's going
to be all right?

Yes, I'm certain. Just do everything
the way we arranged it.

Hey, you're going to be
left behind. Come on.

Bingo. What is it? What
did you find?

Just proof that this flying saucer business
is a government hoax.

A fishing hat?
I don't understand.

Don't feed me that, Jaime.
You know this is the cap

Rudy Wells was wearing when he was whisked away
by your flying saucer.

That's what they sent you
here to find, isn't it?

Look, Rudy Wells dropped
his hat by accident

and the O.S.I. doesn't want any loose ends.

Loose ends for what?

I don't know. But it's got something to do with
that barn I saw you walk into.

Well, if that's what you want to believe,
go ahead. I'm not going to argue with you.

Are you sure that's Rudy's hat?

If you want to believe Norma Fisk.

I've got a ton of gravel in here.

You've got a grip like a lumberjack.
What kind of training they give you?

Hey, I wasn't putting you down.

I put you down.

Jaime, listen, if...


What do you hear?
A car coming.

I don't hear a thing.

That's Norma Fisk.

How do you know? I recognize the car.
It was in the driveway.

Well, the only place that road leads is to
a little canyon. I wonder what she's up to?

Shall we go?


It's the saucer!

Wow, it's just like Oscar said.

Look, she's disappeared.


RAY: The hard part of the operation
is over now

and it all worked out as
smooth as silk.

I'm glad it's behind us.

Far behind us. In 24 hours we start a new life
in South America.

We've got another sighting.

The coordinates place
it near a canyon

about a mile in from the coast.
No, wait a minute.

It's starting to move.

That's incredible. Do you still think
it's a hoax?

I don't believe in flying saucers.
It's got to be something else.

Wait a minute.

The government's trying to make it look like Wells
and the Fisks just vanished

from the face of the Earth. So they picked them up
in a flying saucer?

No. There's got to be a connection.

You're part of the government cover-up.
Where are you going?

I'm going to follow it. And I'll lay you odds it
leads me to a little red barn.

Want to come?


It's moving up a small canyon,
65 km/h.

The heading is 82.130 degrees.

Jim, check the sheriff's office. See if they
have any reports.

That's not the way to the barn.

I don't know what it is, General,

but I want a squadron of interceptors down
here immediately.

Mr. Robbins?
Wait a minute, General.

It's incredible.

What is? The saucer. I just
accelerated to mach 10

and took off into outer space and off
my scope again.

It is a hoax.


Honey, this is Mr. Spencer.
Spencer, this is my wife, Norma.

Welcome to our little hideaway.
Thank you.

Did you have a nice flight, Mrs. Fisk?
Yes, very good.

The only hard part was
climbing up the ladder.

Here are the plans that complete the
specifications for the tracking station.

Good. Our business is almost complete.

You, too, Norma?

Well, there it is.

The complete specifications of the most
sophisticated tracking system in the world.

Don't think I don't appreciate it.

The other half of your
money is in the freezer.

I put it in here for safe keeping.


Do something.

Spencer. Spencer!

Sounds a little hot under the collar.

This will cool them off a bit.


It's a holograph.

They've projected a three-dimensional image of a
flying saucer. It's incredible.

That's the chopper.

It is a hoax.

This is too good to be true.


Oh, no.
No, no, wait a minute.

Please. No, no. I've got you
nailed this time.

Will you get out of here?

It is dangerous for you to be here.

I'm not leaving until
I find out what's going on.

Does this belong to the O.S.I.?

I don't know who it belongs to.

Well... You've got...
Come on, tell me.

Please, just leave me alone,
okay? Would you just...

Jaime, look out behind you!

Shut up!

Hold it right there. Don't move. Or your friend
here's going to pay for it.

Now, get your hands up
and come on over here.

Well, after all that exertion, you two
look like you need to cool off. Come on.

Hold it. Dr. Wells assures me that you two will
behave yourselves.

But I don't trust him.

You didn't have to do that.

Can you fix it?

Must've been metal fatigue
to pull out that easily.

Jaime, can you hear me?

If you get too cold, you'll lose all your bionic
power, except your hearing.

Now, if you hear me,
tap on the wall.

Mrs. Fisk.

You must be...
Ray Fisk.


I suggest you two keep moving. You might last
a little longer.

Come on, Jaime.
Up and at 'em.

Come on. Come on.
On your feet.

Come on. You're not numb yet. Come on.

My legs feel frozen.
Get up.

I'm not surprised. It's got to be below zero in
here. Come on, keep moving.

Jaime, can you hear me?

Tap on the wall.

Look, everybody, keep
your circulation going.

Ray Fisk?

I'm Jaime SOMMERS,
from the O.S.I.

A-ha. You are a government agent.

I'm sorry, Miss SOMMERS. Wish I could undo
what I've done.

Wait a minute.
What did you do?

I sold out my country and
the tracking system.

Well, if it's any consolation to you at all,

that system still has some bugs in it. So those
guys you sold it to, they don't

have everything going
their way either.

It actually showed the flying saucer going
off into outer space.

Wait, wait. What tracking
system? What's this all about?

There's no flaw in the system.
I programmed it to do that.

Wait a minute. You scythe government
was a victim

of the flying saucer hoax?

Okay, look, before you go writing any headlines
we've got some work to turn out.

Would you please go over there and just kind
of keep their attention away from the door

for a minute.
Okay? Please.

Mr. Fisk, I want to ask you something about
that flying saucer.

How does it work? It's a holographic projection
over the helicopter.

And that's what those arms are on the chopper,
right? Projectors?



Jaime, Jaime. Jaime, come on. Let's keep moving.
Just keep it moving.

Come on.

I don't want to walk, really. Just prop me up
against the wall, please.

All right, okay, here.

I have to think.


Did you hear that?

Jaime? Jaime, can you hear me?

If you hear me, rap on the wall.

Jaime, can you hear me?
Rap on the wall.

You may lose all your bionic power, except your
hearing, because of the cold.

Now if that's happened
already, rap on the wall.

Can you get any cooperation
from that fellow in there with you?

Rap once fortes, twice for no.

Good. Then get him to warm
the arm somehow.

Rub that arm. Concentrate on it. Maybe you can
bring back some of the power

and force that freezer
door open.

Casey? I think I'm going
to need some help.

We about ready to take off?

Get our passenger ready.
And treat him gently, Harger.

He's a valuable piece of property.

Yeah, that's correct. Now,
I want the entire global net

to check their records
for the past 24 hours.

There's got to be some
other record of that UFO.

Mr. Robbins, it's the sheriff.

Just a second.
What does he want?

Norma Fisk left her house three hours ago
and hasn't come back.

He's wondering if we've seen her.

Well, tell him we haven't and
ask about Jaime.

She was supposed to check in
here a half an hour ago.

Okay. No, we haven't seen her.

You know, Jaime, warming up your right arm doesn't
make any sense.

I've got a better idea. Come on, keep doing
what you're doing, please.

In some parts of the world we'd
have to get married after this.

Oh, God bless America.

Listen, Casey, I don't have
much use of my legs left.

So, you're going to have to help me stand up

while I try to get that door open, okay?

Hey, listen, I know you're
a great mountain climber and all that,

but that door's latched
from the outside.

I have a little trick that
might work, might not.

Well, if it works,
it's a great big trick.

Well, if it does work and we do get out of here,
you're going to have to help me walk.

Okay? Until I can get my legs warmed up.

Look, we're going to have to do it right now. Help
me get over to the door.

Come on, doctor. Come on!

Okay, hold on. Stand between
me and the Fisks. Okay?

Jaime, look out!

Stay right where you are.

Come on, there's another exit.
All right, let's go, Jaime.

I can barely stand. I can't walk at all.
We'll help you.

Your legs will come back.
Just like your arm.

That is it, hang on.

Spencer! Spencer,
they got out.

Got out? Why didn't you shoot them?

They're heading for the canyon.

Come on. We'll follow
them in the chopper.

Can you feel your legs?

Yeah, a little.

They're coming after us. Hurry.

Okay, okay. I think I'm okay. Wait, wait, wait.


JAIME: Into the trees.

JAIME: Come on, get in here.


They know we're down here.

Well, they can't get us if they can't see us.

Doesn't matter.
They're lousy shots anyway.

I wonder.

They're probably missing us intentionally because
we're so close together

and they want Rudy alive.

I've got an idea.
Come here. Come on.

Can you get a location on it? It can't be more
than 100 feet off the ground.

Flying erratically.
Let me see.

I'd say it's somewhere near Spring Road
in the foothills.

All right, now call the sheriff's office and tell
him to meet me there.

This may be our last
chance to save Ray and Rudy.

They've got to break
for it soon.

There's Wells. Get him!


Okay, move in on him.

It's the woman.

I don't believe this. She's got to be doing
60 miles an hour.

This time, you don't have to miss.

All right, it'll be an easy shot.

We are going down.

Well, hello there. Did you
get your story filed?

Yes. "Flying Saucer Becomes Helicopter Hoax."

That's very catchy.
Thank you.

Did you put anything
in there about the farm?

I was tempted, believe me. But when I thought
about the Fisks in prison for treason,

well, the temptation passed. Well, I admire
your discretion.

I also admire your new suit, however. You look
very nice tonight.

Thank you,

but before you get carried away, I've got a few
questions to ask you.

What's new? I'm...
I'm hungry, Casey. Please.

How did you get that
freezer door open?

My stomach is growling.
Get in the car.

Hold it... Hold it.
That helicopter...

Spencer said you downed it with a rock?

You're becoming very unpopular,
you know?

Like the prison? Listen, how did you
beat me to that prison?

I was in a car and you were on foot.

I don't...

And the cliff? How did
you get up that cliff?

Come on.

You're not listening
to me, are you?

No, I'm not listening to you.

Well you should listen to me.
What for?

I'm taking you out to dinner.
Yeah. Where?

Greasy spoon, if you don't answer my questions.