The Bionic Woman (1976–1978): Season 2, Episode 3 - Assault on the Princess - full transcript

Using the name surname 'Windsor', Jaime stows away on the luxurious cruise ship the Princess Louise to catch the mysterious Ice Man and find two missing and volatile energy cells. Also ...

Your turn.

Oh, really?

(LAUGHS) Okay, Oscar.
All this takes is practice, that's it.

It's gonna be wonderful.
Watch this.

OSCAR: That's wonderful.

Very good. Very good.
How's she doing, Joe?

She learns pretty quick.

You know, a little more practice,

she'll be a regular pasteboard artist.

OSCAR: Can she pass herself off
as a dealer?

JOE: No sweat.

Joe, I want to thank you very much.
My pleasure.

I appreciate you coming down.
Any time, Mr. Goldman.


Now all we have to do is get you aboard
that gambling ship.

Who's the guy that owns it?

Here's a picture of him.
Lucky Harrison.

And he likes his women
gutsy and beautiful.

Well, I'll do the best I can.

And this is what you're after.

An energy cell, about the size of
a flashlight battery.

Recently, Jaime, a double agent known
only to us as the Ice Man

stole two prototype energy cells.

We have reason to believe that he brought them on
the Princess Louise.

Oh? You think this Harrison is mixed up
with the Ice Man?

Lucky Harrison might very well
be the Ice Man.

He has a reputation of doing anything that
would make a fast buck,

and there's a government warrant
out for his arrest.

If there's a warrant out, why don't you just board
the ship and search it?

Because the ship is a foreign registry,

and Harrison is also
a sharp professional gambler.

You better be convincing.

Ah, blackjack.

Listen, I'm convinced.

Good. I hope Lucky Harrison
will be.

Me, too.
And, Jaime,

there's one more thing.

The energy cell is harmless as long
as it's refrigerated,

but once it gets warm,
it turns into a time bomb

equal to 1,000 pounds
of dynamite.

So, in other words, I am boarding a potential
floating bomb.

Señor Pastor. Welcome, welcome,

Go right aboard. We're ready to
get underway, eh?

Señora, how are you? Good. Good.
Go right on in.

Well, that's it.
We're ready to cast off.

All right. Single up all lines
and take her out.


Well, I wonder what a pretty gal
like that has done

to have so many cops after her?

No, no. Now, just hold it right there.

Well, now, please let me come on board!

The cops are right behind me.

Look, I'm sorry, lady. We've got enough
problems as it is.

Come on, listen, I've gotta...
No way, lady.


It's a shame.
She's kind of cute.

Look at this.

I'm sorry, General, but I don't think
you've got a ticket.

We are in pursuit of a criminal.

And I'm sure you do a very fine job.

But not on board this ship.

Now what?


I will get a search warrant, sefior.

Now, there's a good idea.
By the time you get back,

we'll be 20 miles out at sea.

Get her under way,
Mr. Grover.

Was that official enough,
Señor Goldman?


Now, if you'll take me over to the naval station,
the cruiser is waiting.

Hi, there. Are you enjoying the cruise?


Don't forget, tonight at my table,
you and the sefiora.

8:00 sharp.

And you,

I thought I told you
not to come on my ship.

You did. But I don't
give up easily.

Apparently not.

Well, is this the time when you give me 20 lashes
and throw me in irons?

Yeah, sure, if that's the sort of
thing you're into.

Though it'd be just as easy
for me to call a couple

of my men and throw you overboard.

You better get more than a couple. I can handle
myself pretty well.


Tough, huh?

Well, take it from me,

you'd be playing a losing game.

Well, when it's the only game in town,

you would be amazed at what
I can come up with.

How did you get on board this ship?

Come on, you're safe now.
We're out of the harbor.

At least, safe from the police.

Well, let's just say it was with an enormous
amount of skill and determination.

Well, I've always been a sucker

for a girl with an enormous amount of
skill and determination.

Lucky you. Does that mean I don't have
to go for a swim?


If you behave yourself.

You'll get no promises.


Yes, sir,
Mr. Harrison.

I want you to escort
this young lady...

Jaime Windsor.

I like that.
So do I.

Escort Miss Windsor to my quarters, all right?

My pleasure, sir.

And Miss Windsor.
Yes, Mr. Harrison?

If my men would have
thrown you overboard,

8-to-5 says you would have made it
back ashore safely.

With my skill and determination.

No, I thought floating
on your inflated ego.


Uh, if there's anything you want,
just give me a call.

Anything at all.

All I really want is a couple
energy cells.



Can you get into a safe as easily as
you board a ship?

I was just admiring the workmanship.

So was I.

The cops were after you for what, safe cracking?

No, not safe cracking.

I was dealing in San Raton.

I just had a little trouble.

Dealing, eh?
How interesting.

Are you any good?

I'm the best.

Well, I shouldn't have asked, should I?

All right, what was the problem?

I had a sore loser.

Haven't we all?

Yes, but this one happened to be the cousin
of the Police Commissioner.

That's a mistake.

It certainly is.

You a mechanic?


I did not cheat those marks.

If I wanted to, I could've wiped
him out in 20 minutes.

All right.

Let's see how good you are.

I want a Las Vegas shuffle,

dealing blackjack to five players.

I'm the fourth player
and I'm a high roller.

No blackjack?

Well, not yet. That's the easiest way
to vacate a table.

Well, that's good.

Now let's see how good you really are.


That's good.

Number two?

Eleven. He'll double down
and hit with a six.

That's nice. Number three?

Another 18.

All right.

Now me.


Listen, what kind of cheap joints have
you been working in?

This is the major leagues! People here aren't
playing for matchsticks!

It's in your left sleeve, darling.
You palmed it.


You're good. No. No, you're better
than good.

Listen, I can always
use a new dealer here.

What about it?

I can always use one
that's... distracting.

You interested? How about it,
Miss Windsor?

Well, it beats dog-paddling back to South America,
Mr. Harrison.

All right.


GROVER: Yes, sir.

Take Miss Windsor to stateroom number
eight, okay?

And, Grover, see to it she doesn't steal
the compass on the way past the bridge, huh?

Yes, sir.

This way, Miss Windsor.


This is Grover. I'm concerned about
our cute stowaway.

I think Lucky's going soft on her.

Get to the Ice Man and see what he wants
to do about her.

OSCAR: Jaime, I'm aboard a cruiser just outside
your radar range.

JAIME: Are you receiving me, okay?

OSCAR: There's a lot of static, Jaime,
but I hear you.

Have you got anything
on Lucky Harrison yet?

Well, he's not the Ice Man,
but the Ice Man is on board.

But Harrison could still be involved.

Oh, yeah. I know that at least two of his
crew members are.

I'll keep an eye on him, too, though.

Good. And one more thing, Jaime.

We're running a computer profile
on all the passengers.

Stay in touch, will you?

You got it.

Who is it?

LUCKY: It's me.

Well, come on in. It's your boat,
you must have the keys.


Listen, I'm sorry about the lock.

I just wanted to make sure you were here when
I got here, that's all.

What are those?

These are what my dealers wear.

At least, the lady dealers.

Try one of them out.
You're gonna work tonight.

See if you can find one your size.

Haven't you got anything better to do?

Oh, yeah. No, I was... Yeah.

Bridge? It's Lucky.

Yeah, I want you to come to a new heading.

015 degrees and hold her steady
at 20 knots.

All right.


Nice. I don't suppose any of my customers
will mind losing to you.

Wanna bet?

Not against those odds.

LUCKY: Well, what is that, some kind of a system
or something?


Yeah, it looks pretty good, Jimmy.

Well, stay with the bank, that's all.
Stay with the bank.

MAN: There we go.

All right. Well,
figure about 3,700.

37's fine. Thank you.
Thank you.

Oh, Kelly, listen. See to it Mr. Potasky gets
a drink over there, will you?

Oh, thanks.

How about a little head-to-head, Jimmy?



TANNER: I gotta get back to
the bridge.

Then get to it.

And make sure you do exactly
what the Ice Man said.

Gonna deal, or shuffle
the spots off the cards?

Oh, miss, plain soda, please.

I do not drink while I'm gaming,
you know.

Oh, no.

This is the best we've got.
Thank you.

Anything you have would be delicious.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

My pleasure.
May I help you?

There must be something
that I can do for you.

Yes, please get your hand
off my ham and cheese.

Coffee, tea or me?

Beg your pardon?

May I fluff your pillow?

How'd you like to get your head fluffed?

Miss Winters,
don't you remember me?

Romero. From the flight that crashed
in the water? Remember?

I'm afraid you're mistaken.

My name is not Winters.

You gonna yak or deal?

Pay me.

Excuse me, sir.

She is a part of one of the most beautiful
moments of my life.

Now listen, you'll either have to place a bet
or leave the table.

Ha! With a 500 minimum.

"Ha," back to you, sefior.

I will bet 5,000 lira.

No, that's only equal to about
$6 and 25 cents.

It's not quite the minimum bet.


Who's thinking about gambling
in a moment like this?

You must be Miss Winters,
the lady of my life.

I cannot believe that there are two such lovely
creatures in the same world.

I've had enough of your lip,
you little fruitcake!


Miss Winters, don't you remember the crash
on the island?

What seems to be the problem here, huh?

I'm in the hole 10 Gs, and this bimbo
is buggin' me!

Oh, he was just leaving.

Thank you, Jaime.
Señor Romero.

Jaime! Why, even your front
name is the same!

Maybe you ought to try your luck at one of
the other tables.

With a $100 bet on the house.

That is not necessary. If you insist,
but it is not necessary.

We can see each other later, eh?



Well, there you are.

Not quite, Harrison. I gotta feelin'
this chick's a mechanic

and has raked me off
for about 10 grand.

Well, maybe you ought to consider
the possibility

that you're just a lousy player.


It's all right.
No. Go back. Back.

Well, I see you haven't lost your
touch, Creighton.

Perhaps Mr. Creighton would be happier
with a new dealer.

Now you're talking.

And I wanna buy the table.

No limit, new cards.

All right. Maybe you ought to have
a break, Jaime, huh?

Get some air.

New deck.


TANNER: Bring her 15 degrees to port.

MAN: But Lucky said...

New orders.

Fasten your seat belts.

Look, I don't know who you think I am.

But you almost got me in trouble
in there.

Silly games.
You play silly games.

But it's all right,
you can play your games.

You can be anyone you wish to be.

But for Romero, you are still
his passion lady.

You know, I have a solution
to our problem.

Our problem?

Don't you remember?

You, me, my wife.
The triangle.

My wife was in the way.

You see, my wife despises
the fact that I gamble.

So I gamble just for spite.

So that she will leave me,

so that you and I, we can go on the sea
of happiness as long as...

You just don't give up, do you?

Well, you know, it really is romantic,
you're right,

out here in the moonlight.

Romance is where you find it.

I know, look at the moon.
Isn't that fantastic?

Oh, moon, moon!

Tell me, moon, why are you
so full of envy?

Is it because this fair maiden is more
prettier than you?

Ah! And you swoon,
foolish moon,

men have walked all over you.

But as for us,
as it shall always be,

on the windswept islands where first we were
brought together by destiny.

The course of true love
has been plotted for us.

The moon may have the sun
and the stars for company,

but I have Jaime and Jaime has...

Has gone?

Playing the silly games.
Hide and seek.

My little coquette,
I will find you.

Well, hi, there.
Hi, there.

I just thought I'd come up here and see where
the real action is going on.

Sure. I'll take the wheel.
Go get some coffee, huh?

This is very, very impressive.

You're kind of impressive yourself.

Well, thank you.

How'd you like a personal tour of the ship
when I get off duty?

Well, now, that's not
entirely impossible.



Is there any particular reason we're 15 degrees
off course?

It's kind of hard to keep my mind
on what I'm doing.


Guess I'd better get
back on course, huh?

I think that'd be a good idea.

You know...

I was just about to say that I think
I'd better get out of here

'cause you might run into an iceberg or
something, you know.

We can see each other later...

That'll be just fine.


GROVER: What do you think you're doing?

You know what course you're supposed
to be taking.

The blonde spotted the compass.

Birds belong in the crow's nest,
not in the wheelhouse.

You could've double-talked her.

TANNER: [had to bring
the ship around.

I was afraid she might bring
Lucky into it.

Look, Tanner, I know you.

Now, you listen,
and you listen good.

You stay away from her, and you see she stays
away from you.

Now, I gotta check with the Ice Man and see
what he wants us to do.

Good. Then I can check out the Ice Man.

We're climbing at 30,000 feet.

I know, I know. It's possible,
just possible,

that I could have made a mistake.

You have a twin sister, huh?

A twin sister. But twin sisters have
the same name as Jaime?

Oh, no, no, no.
That's impossible.

But the twin sisters have the same name as Jaime?
I don't wanna seem rude...

There you are, Jaime.
Señor, excuse me.

We have to make a tray count.

- LUCKY: Jaime.

That's... Yes,
I think we should.

Maybe a cousin, yes.
But a twin cousin, no, no.

The Ice Man said the new course
setting is no good.

We have to find a way
to slow down the ship.


I'll take care of it
and the blonde, too.

He thinks she might be an agent.

May I ask you why you took that
slap from Creighton?

Well, he scared me.


Well, let's just say that he...

Well, he needs a punching bag.
That's all.

I like to make him happy.

You know, somehow I've got
the funniest feeling

that wasn't all there was to it.

Well, he has some friends.

Well, they could sink my Princess
just like that.

Well, she's not much,
but she's all I've got.

It's not quite like home, though, is it?

He's crazy! There's no need
of hurting her.

Look, don't try to cross the Ice Man.

Unless you want to wind up at the
end of an anchor.

There's too much at stake.

Now he wants her out of the way.

And I'm gonna take care of it right now.
Do you understand me?


Do I detect a little softness underneath
that flinty exterior?

Softness, yeah.

Look, if I go back to the States,

the Navy has a little thing waiting for me there
called the court martial.

What for?

For about 10 years.

I mean, what did you do?

Well, I was stationed on board the biggest carrier
in the United States Navy.


And I was running the biggest floating crap game
in the United States Navy.

Is that all?

Well, they call it desertion if you
don't stay around

to face the charges.

Must get awfully homesick sometimes, huh?

Are you kidding? Give all this up,
for what?

For Mom and apple pie,
and everything?

Look, who are you, anyway,

coming on board my ship, turning my head around
with questions like that?

Look at me.

Listen, I'm on a trip to no place.

You want a ticket to come over? No.


I hardly think so.

What happened?

I don't understand.
What happened?

Well, I haven't the faintest idea.

Maybe I should've just let you throw
me overboard.

It would've been a lot less painful.

You think I planned this? I mean, why would I do
something like this?

No, I don't have any proof that Lucky Harrison is
working with the Ice Man,

but somebody is getting pretty nervous.

They tried to drop a searchlight
on me last night.

What? Did you see anyone?


Jaime, maybe I better
get you off of there.

Now, Oscar, you know all us O.S.I. agents always
go down with our ships.

That's not funny.

I told you what would happen if one of those
energy cells heat up.

I know.
The floating bomb.


Rudy says just before it explodes there's
a high-pitched hum

you could hear bionically.
And here's something else.

Our passenger profile
pulled a zero.

But we did receive a report
of an unidentified submarine

operating just inside
international waters.

Oh. That's why we were
off course last night.

They must be planning
a rendezvous at sea.

You better find that Ice Man and the energy cells
before it's too late.


Estimated flying time to Rio is five hours
and 10 minutes.

Fix you a drink?
Just water, please.




Jaime, about last night...

Yeah. Mr. Harrison.

Don't go anywhere. Give me a shot
of rum, will you?

Lucky here.

MAN: We've got big trouble in
the engine room.

LUCKY: What?

The main steam line's ruptured.

Scalding us out of here. Like somebody tried
to sabotage us.

All right. All right. All stop. I'll go down
and take a look at it.

All right.


No, nothing I can't handle.

Present company excluded.



What is it? What happened
in there?

No way you can hack it in there.

You can't see a thing. You can't touch anything.
You can't do anything.

All right. You guys get forward. Stand by
to shut everything off.



Lucky! Lucky!


Lucky! Are you all right?


The steam was full in here.
What happened?

Oh, I don't know.
It just stopped.

All right.

Let's take a look around
and see where we stand.

Ah, look at this!
What's the matter?

Well, the rudder pushrod's
been disconnected.


Can you fix it?

Yeah, sure.

With a Porto-Power,
and about 10 hours work.

And I don't know whether or not I'd hang around
long enough for that.

What does that mean?

Look, with a ship dead
in the water, I mean,

that's bound to mean
a rescue party.

Now, if the tug tows
me into a Navy port,

all they gotta do is pin me in, starve me out,
and wait for me to give up.

What are you gonna do, Lucky?

Well, every good gambler
has got an ace in the hole.

And I've got mine.

Jaime, listen to me.

I've got a 22-foot sloop back in an after
storage compartment

with enough supplies to
last a month, maybe more.

And room for one passenger.
What do you say?

You're not kidding, are you?

No, I'm not kidding.
Come with me.

Lucky, look, I think it's time that I lay all
my cards on the table.

It's obvious that you wouldn't have to go through
all this to stop your own ship.


There is a man on board.

Now, I don't know who he is,

but his code name is the Ice Man.

Code name?

Not too long ago, he stole a couple of newly
developed energy cells.

Now, our government cannot afford to let them
fall into the wrong hands.

Look, I don't even know
what you're talking about.

Wait a minute. Don't tell me.
Let me guess.

You're Jaime Bond.

Come on, Lucky.
This is not a game!

And I happen to know that your
Grover and Tanner

are both working for this Ice Man.

And that so-called accident the other night
with the search lamp,

that was no accident,
and neither is this.

It's all part of his plan
to make some kind of

a rendezvous tonight here at sea.

You know, the scary part of this whole thing is
I'm beginning to believe you.

No, the scary part of it is that he can use one
of those cells as a bomb.

You mean the Ice Man?

He'd do that?

Well, of course he'd do that to
help himself get away.

Well, Jaime, listen, believe me,

I'd really like to help you try
and find the guy,

but my problem right now is to get this ship under
way again before the Navy comes.

Now, once I do that, then we'll worry
about your Ice Man.




Listen, I don't think it was as bad
as you thought.

Will you help me find
the Ice Man now?

But... it was...

Well, will you?

Hello, Bridge?
This is Lucky.

Look, I'm back in the after steerage

Get a hold of Wally and the other engineers
and get 'em back here.

We're all set to get underway.

All right. Let's go find
your Ice Man.

I gotta get to the Ice Man.
We're in trouble.

I'll just check around. See if anybody picked up
on anything, huh?




I don't know how, but Lucky fixed
the rudder.

All right.

Signal the submarine now.

The Ice Man.

OSCAR: Yes, Jaime, I'm reading you loud
and clear. What's up?

Oscar, you were right
about that submarine. It...

I'll take that.

OSCAR: Jaime. Jaime,
do you read me?

MAN: [lost contact with her, Mr. Goldman.
Transmission was cut off.

OSCAR: All right.
- Alert the Captain.

I want a rendezvous with the Princess Louise

Close at flank speed.

I thought perhaps the O.S.I. would
send an agent.

Too bad it turned out
to be such a pretty one.

Take her away.

No silly moves.

Come around to 015.
All ahead, full.

015. Right.




I've got a surface ship
steaming toward us.

With enough speed to intercept.

The Navy.

What do we do now?

Take one of the energy cells
out of refrigeration.

Then find some nice, warm spot
to put it.

By the time the Navy
gets to this ship,

they'll be very busy collecting survivors.
So we can escape.

MAN: We're going full-bore, Mr. Goldman.

We should rendezvous with the Princess Louise
in 22 minutes.

OSCAR: If there's anything left of her.

MAN: Sir?

OSCAR: There may be an explosion aboard her.

Have your men prepare
for emergency rescue.

Far enough.

Open it.

Go inside.


ICE MAN: Good.

What's gonna happen to the blonde?

Cut the engines.

I said cut the engines.

Look, isn't there some way we can
take her with us?

I don't wanna leave her behind.


MAN: Mr. Goldman, the Princess Louise
is dead on the water.

The radar shows a submarine
off her port bow.

OSCAR: Keep closing on her. - There may be an
explosion any minute.


Why don't you let me try it?

You want to show me how strong you are?

I don't think we have much choice.

Go right ahead.

There you go.

ROMERO: She comes,
she goes.

She comes and she goes, I say...

They go and they come.
I'm so confused.

JAIME: Romero!

Yes, who is it?

It's Jaime.

Jaime! Where are you?

I'm in here.

Here... Where?
Where, eh?

In here. Just keep following my voice.

Keep talking.
Keep talking.

Okay. Come on.

Yes! I can hear you.
Yes. Yes.

You know you are locked in?

Yes, I know I'm locked in.

Yes, but how can I get you out?

There is a chain and there is a padlock.

All right, just take a hold of the...
Turn the wheel.

But the chain,
Jaime. I...

Just turn the wheel. Come on. We're gonna
give you some help.

You can do it.
Romero, just try.

We'll help you from in here.

I don't know. I...


Come on, give us some help,
will you?



Romero, thank you very much.

Oh, it's nothing. It's just that one doesn't
know the strength that one has

until after one needs it.



We gotta get off this ship.
He's gonna sink it.

JAIME: With the energy cell?

Where is it?

I don't know. The Ice Man planted
it somewhere.

Now, you gotta get to the lifeboats.

Lucky, I need your help.

I'm sorry, lady, but this is as
far as I go.

Lucky! Looking out
for number one.

Good luck.


I will not desert you.

Thank you.

Listen, you must go tell all the people to get off
the ship immediately.

Say no more. I've had experience
in these crisis situation.


Come on, you little hummer,
where are you?


I came down here looking for you.

I couldn't leave you alone.

I like my chances better with you.

I'm glad.

Okay, now, how can I help?

Show me a warm place where a bomb could
do the most damage.

All right.
Come on.

Up here.
Watch your head.

Well, hurry, Lucky, the energy cell could
blow any minute.

Ladies and gentlemen.
Ladies and gentlemen.

I have an announcement to make.

We have a little problem. But really there's
nothing to be alarmed about.

On board, we have a bomb that's gonna
go off any minute.

Do not panic.

You will follow my instructions, okay?

Women and children first.

Yes. No children.
Disregard my first order.

This will fill your requirements.
It's certainly hot enough.



Lucky, it's in here.

Well, how do you know?

I just know.

All right.
I'll get a wrench.



I got it!

Well, how did you do that?

The nuts were loose.

If you will follow me,
because we will have time,

of course, to walk to the upper deck and in
a really orderly fashion.

If you know some group songs,
it will help a lot.

Follow me, ladies and gentlemen.
Right this way.



The situation is under control.
The people are ready to go.

Never mind about that now.
I need your help.

But it might be dangerous.

I don't even know the meaning
of the word.

Okay. Do you know where the freezer
is in the galley?

No, but Romero will find it.

All right. Now, take this
to the freezer quickly.

Yes. And do not let it
out of your hands.

I will not let it out of my hands.

Your command is my wish, eh?
My captain!



Look out!

Jump! Jump!


Hey, wait!
Wait! Come back!

Come back!

Ice Man, huh?

Jaime, are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Well, you're shaking.

I know, it's silly.

Well, a little, but it's nice.



You know, I was beginning
to wonder about you.


Well, as Napoleon said at Waterloo,
"I wasn't lucky today."

Then I think he also said,
"I am your prisoner, sir."

We boarded this ship
legally, Harrison.

Yes, I know.
Some of my crew

endangered the lives of the passengers
on the high seas.

Among other things.

And as owner and captain, I'm responsible
for their actions.

Well, I guess I'll spend the first
three years in the brig,

listening to them read off the charges.

Now, that's awfully negative thinking
for a man named Lucky.

Mr. Harrison, I have been in contact
with the Secretary.

I told him how you helped Miss SOMMERS.

And he is gonna call the Navy Department
and review your case.

Well, it looks like Lady Luck hasn't left
your ship after all, has she?

Jaime, I... Look, I don't know
what to say.

Oh, come on.

I mean, if what he said
is true about the Navy

and the Secretary and everything,

well, I'm gonna see you again,
lucky lady.

Well, what happened to the Ice Man?

Oh, he's safe. I put him in
the cooler.

And speaking of the cooler, Jaime.

This man Romero.

Oh, I wanted to say thank you to him
before we left.

You know, he really turned out
to be quite a help.

Quite a help? The Navy would call it
above the call of duty.

When you told him to put the energy cell
in the freezer,

you shouldn't have told him not to let
it out of his hands.

We had to pry his fingers loose.



Don't let it out of my hands.


Jaime, you see,
I did what you said.

I held on to it.
Are you pleased?

Yes, you did a wonderful job.

Jaime, if you only knew how warm it makes me.


ROMERO: I'm warm.

When will I see you again?

I need you to keep me warm.