The Bionic Woman (1976–1978): Season 2, Episode 19 - The DeJon Caper - full transcript

Jaime Sommers travels to Paris, France with art forger Pierre Lambert to catch an American criminal called Beaumont who pays Pierre to copy stolen art. Although Lambert tries to give her the slip several times, eventually he realizes that Jaime is his only means of breaking free from Beaumont without being killed.

OSCAR: That's Master Hare
by Reynolds,

and the other is called Religious Subject
from the school of Morello.

I remember these paintings from the Lincoln
Gallery here in Washington.

What you see there, Jaime, and what millions of
tourists and students

have seen for the past year,

national-treasures of this country,
are fakes. Frauds.

That's amazing!

This forger is a genius.

Well, you might call him that.

Along with several less flattering

Send him in.

Monsieur, perhaps you can clear up
this terrible mistake.

I am Jacque Laroie, a wine merchant
from Bordeaux.

Jaime, this is Pierre-Francois Lambert.

A mediocre painter in his own right,

but an extraordinary forger
and all-around fraud.

Monsieur, mademoiselle,
please listen to me.

I told you, my name is...
OSCAR: Sit on it, Pierre.

The French Sfireté
reports the two fakes

that are hanging in the Louvre were also
done in his style.

They don't know how the switch was made

or where the originals are now.

But they are convinced that Pierre works
for this man.

Michael Beaumont.

One of the top master criminals.

On the continent.

He's into everything. Drugs, espionage,
stock manipulation.

We, and the French Sfireté
have been after him for years,

but we haven't been able to catch him.

And you can help us, Pierre.

Mademoiselle, I appeal to you.

How can I convince you I'm not this, er...
What's his name?

Pierre, when something quacks like a duck,
looks like a duck,

flies like a duck and walks like a duck,

look, I have to consider the possibility
that it is a duck.

Your fingerprints match those of Lambert,

your description matches Lambert.

The birthmark on your shoulder
is exactly like his.

So, you see in what direction my suspicions
are heading.

Now, you've got two choices, pal.

Twenty years in a federal penitentiary,

or help us trap Beaumont and recover
the original paintings.

Take your choice.

I'm a free spirit and prison would kill me.

But so will Beaumont, if he catches me.

I came to this country to hide.

I was in the middle of forging a DeJon.

Beaumont had promised to steal the original
for one of his customers.

Uh... Er, not that my copies
are not brilliant,

but everyone runs out of luck sometime.

And, uh, when his schemes turn sour,

he has a nasty habit of killing all those

so there's no one left to testify.

Well, if you'll help us get him,

you won't have to worry about that,
will you?

This DeJon that you're painting.

Who gets the original?

Some customer. I was never told
his name.

The original is still in the Rousseau
Memorial Museum.

Miss Sommers is one of our best agents.

I want you to go back
to Paris with her.

Contact Beaumont,

tell him that you're willing to
finish the painting,

and we'll catch him when he tries to switch it
for the originals.

Oh, I don't think I could pull it off.

You don't know him.
He's a shark among men.

Pierre, I know that, uh,
landscapes aren't necessarily your specialty,

but, uh, what do you
think of that?

PIERRE: I think it's
morbidly depressing.

Isn't that Folsom Prison?

In time, so to speak,
it will grow on you.

You'll enjoy Paris, Miss Sommers. I know
all the best restaurants.

Get him out of here.

Watch out.

He's slippery. He'll disappear the
first chance he gets.

Okay. Bye.

Be careful.

PIERRE: What's your plan?

JAIME: I think you should call
- Beaumont and arrange a meeting,

and I'll just go as your girlfriend,
or your friend, or whatever.

PIERRE: That might work. - He knows I'm adored
by beautiful women.

Can we call from my apartment? I'll tell him
I'm just tired ofrunning.

- Where is your apartment?

PIERRE: Place Victor
- Hugo, driver.

No, left, left. Take a left.

Now, keep going. Keep going,
that's right.

Now, take another left.

Now pull up here and stop! Right here.

JAIME: Uh... What is it?
- What's going on?

You see the man back there
in front of the gallery?

That's Jacque Rochette,
one of Beaumont's hirelings.

He's an art critic of undeserved reputation.

Beaumont uses him to authenticate the paintings
to his customers.

He mustn't see me.
Pay the driver.

Get that bag, please.

JAIME: It's okay. I don't think
he noticed us.

Phew! At least,
I'm home safe.

Pierre, isn't... isn't the Place Victor Hugo
around the corner?


You were very quick to pick up my clever ruse.

Beaumont has spies everywhere.

Uh, you keep watching Rochette, I'll get my key
from the concierge.


One moment.


Come on.


Here we are.
Humble but home.

Humble? Pierre, I'm afraid
you're too modest.

Just one of my virtues.

Oh, no, no, no, no.
No lights.

Beaumont's men may see it.



Make yourself at home.

Pierre, this isn't exactly
what I had expected for you.

I kind of expected something more,

I don't know, Bohemian, or...

If you mean sloppy,

our working together does not give you
the right

to insult or constantly
suspect me.

Well, your reputation does.

Yes, well, perhaps I do deserve that.

You must be tired. Would you like
to freshen up?

It's too dangerous to go out to eat.
I'll fix something here.

Later, we can call Beaumont.

Okay, I would like to wash my face,
thank you.


Bye, now.

Pierre, what are you doing?


Who're you?

Never mind who I am.

What are you doing in my apartment?
Your apartment?

Certainly. I've lived here
for almost 20 years.

Aha! You called me Pierre.
Was that pig here?

Oh, well, you do know him then.

Well, certainly I know Pierre Damas!
He's my brother-in-law.

No, no, no.
It's Pierre...

And my money helped to buy
his butcher shop.

Wait, that... That's not him.

He won't get away with it this time.

Now, you stay right here, young lady,

while I ring the woman
whose home you are wrecking.

Wait a minute! I... I... I don't
know that man.

Why will you all lie for him?

What does a lovely young thing like you
see in a pig like him?

A butcher.

No, it must be the smell of raw meat.

Hello, hello, Madeleine. Oui, c'est moi.
Is Pierre there?


Well, I'm not surprised he's sleeping.
He must be exhausted

with a coquette in my apartment.

Now, wait a minute. You are hanging
a bum rap on that guy.

Your brother-in-law

and my friend are not the same person.

I mean, they obviously just have the same name.

Oh, he says he's tired out with dressing chickens
all day?

Will you please listen to me?

Oh, my dear sister, he's worn out from
chasing one chicken.

I'm certain. Yes.
Well, she called his name

when she thought he was coming back.

Don't believe what he says.

You wake that philanderer up!


Hit him again from me.


Oh, listen, it was very nice
meeting you,

and I sure hope everything works out. Bye.

Wait one moment. I've something
to say to you.

You forget about him.

Find someone else to dally with, huh?







Oh, what's wrong? Didn't you invite me
to your apartment?

Well, er, yes I did.
But, uh...

And isn't this your apartment?

Uh, yes,
it is. Uh...

Good! I was beginning to wonder.

Uh, what are you doing?

Well, I'm gonna call Oscar Goldman and have
him come and get you.

No, wait, please. Look, you must
understand my fears.

Beaumont is so powerful. He could order me killed
even from prison.

Well, you're just gonna have to trust
that the O.S.I.

is not gonna let that happen,
aren't you, Pierre?

Now, what's it gonna be?

I'll cooperate, I won't try to
escape again.



We'll call him in the morning
and set up an appointment.

Oh, to fool him,
you must dress the part.

He knows what kind of, uh,
women I use for models.

You'll wear this.

What is that?

Oh, it's just something
the cleaning woman left.



Make your phone call.


Are you really that scared?

How dare you!

I've had enough of your insinuations
of cowardice.

I'll show you who's scared.



This is Pierre!

Listen, you smalltime phony,

I'm willing to use my inspired talent
to finish the DeJon,

but only on my conditions!

I will not tolerate any more of your
ridiculous suggestions

about my work, or your childish attempts
at intimidation.


WOMAN: ...40 seconds (BEEP) - At the tone,
the time will be...

Pierre, will you quit playing around?

Now call Beaumont!

How did you know?
Never mind.

Hey, listen, if I can wear this getup,
you can call Beaumont.

The shipment leaves the Turkish poppy
fields tomorrow.

I want it processed by next week.

Von Kran,

I've promised to deliver the blueprints for the
new German tank by the 1st.

Hello. When can you
get it to me?


It is Lambert.

Pierre, old friend.

How nice to hear from you.

Where are you?

Beaumont, I surrender.
I'll do anything you want.

Now, that's very sensible, Pierre.

Can we meet and talk it over?

I thought perhaps the little sidewalk cafe
near my apartment.

I'll be having breakfast there with my...
With my girlfriend.

I know the place.

Thank you for calling.

Why not meet him here?

No. A public place is better.

I can judge his reactions.

And if I think he's not sincerely
forgiving me,

I can call the gendarmes.

One trick.

One little trick,

and I promise you I'm gonna call Goldman.

Jaime, don't you trust me?

Does a chicken have lips?


Excuse me.
Where are you going?

To the room of the gentlemen,
if you don't mind.

There is the door,
there is no window,

and obviously, no back door
to such places.

Excuse me.

Police, s'il vous plait.



Hello, Sergeant.

This is the manager of the Bon Chance Cafe
on Place Victor Hugo.

No, no, Sergeant. I am not fine
this morning.

I have a lady of the evening sitting
at one of my front tables,

bold as brass, enticing all
my customers.


No, no, no, it's not necessary
for me to point her out.

You know very well how that kind of
woman dresses.

Now, get here and take her to jail
immediately. Oui,


(STAMMERING) What are you doing?

As if you did not know.

Come along and stop giving the place
a bad name.

You don't seem to understand.
It's not...

OFFICER: Come along.
- Come along.

I am not what you think I am.

All you girls say that.

Now please!

I am an agent with the American O.S.I.

and I am working with
the French Secret Service.

Look at... Here's...
Here's my ID card.

Now, I'm working on a case with a fellow
in this restaurant,

who's probably getting away right now.

Well, we will have to verify this.

Well, verify it. Fine.
But do it quickly,

because if you don't, you'll both be
in a lot of trouble.

All right.

Drive around the back
and we'll pick up Pierre.

He may as well finish the DeJon
before I finish him.

...Not until she showed me
the identification.

Well, I'm sorry, I...

Oui, immediately. He wishes to
talk to you.


Jaime, you all right, babe?

I'm fine. Listen, Oscar, I can't talk right now,
Pierre's getting away,

and I'll call you just as soon as I find him.
All right?

Yes, but have you found the original...

Thank you very much.


I wish she wouldn't do that.

Come on, Pierre.
But where are we going?

You'll find out.

Let's go.




Follow that car,
please. Go.

It's good to see you, Michael.

I've missed you too, Pierre.

You look well.

Oh, I'm fine.
I'm fine.

That's wonderful. Good health
is so important.

You said you were gonna take your girlfriend
to breakfast.

What happened to her?

Oh! Uh, we had a stupid
lover's quarrel.

Uh... She walked out
of the restaurant.

I was looking for her when you found me.

That's why I didn't want to come with you
when I first saw you.

You romantic artists.

Always putting love first.


I'm sure she loves you, too.

Enough to follow you
to the very end.


The end of what?

Who can tell?

The future is always
such a mystery.


Your little workshop
is just like you left it.

You do have a talent.

Hurry and finish it.

I have two customers
bidding on the original.

I wanna make the switch
as soon as possible.

It's too bad your girlfriend
didn't come along.

I know how a model inspires you, even
when you're copying.

Oh, well.

Something will turn up,
I'm sure.


The OS! Agent is headed toward
the house now.

Is anyone else with her?

No. It's possible she didn't
have time to tell anyone.

Shall I dispose of her?

That will come later.
Bring her here.

ALAIN: Do not move.

That way, please.

Get Moreau on the phone.

Thank you.

Miss Sommers.


How did you know my name?

From Pierre, of course. He told me everything
on the way here.

If you've depended on him,
I'm afraid you've leaned on a weak reed.

person-to-person, please.

Alfredo Moreau, aboard the yacht

Sapphire Seas in Cannes Harbor.



This is Moreau.

Bonjour, Don Alfredo.

I have excellent news, sir.

I could deliver the DeJon
in the next few days.


MOREAU: That is very
good news, Michael.

Uh, unfortunately, there's a small

The Greek shipping tycoon,
Nicholas Theopolus,

has just married a young Swedish girl

and he's looking for an appropriate
wedding gift for her.

Now, as you know, his art collection
almost rivals yours,

and he's made a very attractive offer
for the DeJon.

Are you maneuvering me into an auction, Michael?

Of course not, Don Alfredo,

but, as a businessman, it's my duty to accept
the best offer.

Well, I, uh... I may be able
to come up in price,

if I get the painting
very quickly.

And that way,
I won't have you killed.

Is that satisfactory?


You you're a very persuasive bargainer,
Don Alfredo,

and naturally, I was onlyjoking.

The DeJon will be yours
within two days. Enjoy.

That old Corsican bandit.
He's stealing it.

Did he come up at all?

BEAUMONT: Let's say he made an offer
I couldn't refuse.

Put her with Pierre.

How did they catch you?

They were waiting for me.

And Beaumont said that, uh, you told him
all about me.


He's such a liar.

He's so cruel, he enjoys toying
with people.

What difference does it make anyway?

My future's never been so gloomy.

If I don't finish the painting,
he'll kill me.

If I do finish it, he'll kill me anyway.

Even if we escape,

I'd spend the rest of my life hiding
from him in your prison.

Until he kills me.

lfthings are that bad, they can only
get better, right?

You want to bet?

Pierre, who is Alfredo Moreau?

He's the Corsican godfather.
More powerful than a king.

Even Beaumont must treat him most carefully.

Fini! Enough.

I'm tired of compromising
my talent.

I'm going to tell Beaumont
I won't finish the painting.

Yes, that is what I'll do.

It's a small victory,
but it's something.

I won't finish it!

Oh, yes, you will finish it!

And you're gonna do a perfect job, except for
one small mistake.


But my reputation!

Anyone will know instantly
it's a forgery.

Pierre, if we can psyche Beaumont out,
get him really scared,

then he might just confess to all
of his activities.

Beaumont is not scared
of the Sfireté or the O.S.I...

You said yourself, he is afraid of this Corsican
godfather or whatever he is.


I mean, what have you got to lose? They're gonna
kill you anyway.

Now, is there anything at all that I can do
to help you here?



will you model for me?

(STAMMERING) Why do you need a model
if you're just doing a copy?

It's hard to explain, but...

Well, the things I copy
are masterpieces,

because the masters breathed life into them.

The paintings live.

Beyond just my technique,
the brushstrokes, the color,

when I have a model,

I have a sense of what the masters saw.

It would help me.

you're a trip. Okay.

Now, I'll be out in a minute.
You get back to work.


PIERRE: But how are we going to get Moreau mad
at Beaumont?

Well, I'm working on that one.
You just keep painting.



Excellent, Pierre.

Your best effort so far.

Do the chemical aging
as fast as possible.

I want to exchange it
for the original tonight.

The paint won't be entirely dry.

My man at the museum will keep anyone
from testing it.

Call Moreau.

Tell him we'll be in Cannes
tomorrow morning.


ALAIN: What about Pierre
and the girl?

BEAUMONT: We'll dispose of them
before we leave.



I let you down again.


I knew it was good,
even if it was a copy.

I felt it coming alive
under my brush.

I wanted it perfect.

I... I couldn't bring myself
to put a defect in it.

Don't worry about it, Pierre.

The paint isn't gonna be dry anyway.

I think that's a big enough flaw.

They're gonna kill us
pretty soon,

so we're gonna have to move fast.

So, I want you to take your clothes off.

What? Come on.
Take your clothes off.

But, uh...

My clothes on your friend here.


Uh, what's going on?

I want them to think
that we're both dead.

We're gonna throw it
out the window.

But it won't look real.

Beaumont will never believe it.

Oh, he'll believe it when he sees you
falling on top of it.


Pierre, I'm gonna put your clothes on

and let them see you
jumping out the window.

Well, at least they'll think
it's you.


Oh! You'd make that sacrifice for me?

It's not that big of a sacrifice.

Not that big!
The answer is no!

I know I've been a bum all my life,

all the things people say about
me are true,

but a man must draw the line somewhere.
I won't let you do it.

Pierre, it's all right.
I won't feel a thing.

Oh, I know. It will be over
in an instant.

Forget it!

Believe me, I will get up
and walk away from it.

Unless they think we're both dead,
they won't leave us alone.

But, Jaime, I... Please Pierre,
and do what I say, huh?

They're gonna come back
here any minute.

Help me get this mannequin dressed,
will you?

The aging is excellent.

It's just the right amount of fading
for a 100 years.

Put it in the car.

Let's take care of the two upstairs.

Oh, why Pierre?

The Greek still wants a wedding present
for his Swedish bride.

Pierre could paint something else.

He might escape and go to the O.S.I. again.

No, no. A smart gambler
knows when to quit.

PIERRE: Beaumont! - You filthy pig! I refuse
to take it any longer.

I've prostituted my talent
for the last time!

Do you understand?
The last time!

Do it again. More hysterical this time.


You can't hurt us anymore!
We're going together!

We'll jump and end it all!
And, you can't stop us! Ha-ha!




I'll be all right.

BEAUMONT: What does that idiot, Pierre,
think he's doing?

Which one of these blasted keys...

Now just do it one more time.

Goodbye, Beaumont, you dog!

ALAIN: I think it is the one
with the round head.

BEAUMONT: They all have
round heads, you fool!

And goodbye to you, my darling.

No one ever loved me so much.

Okay, get back. Go on.




Well, that'll save us
a nasty little chore.

Have the gardener clean up the mess
after we leave.


BEAUMONT: We mustn't keep
Moreau waiting.

Jaime. Oh, Jaime,
I wasn't worth it.


PIERRE: Oh, Jaime.
- Oh, my poor Jaime.



She's haunting me already.


But I saw... Now, forget what you saw.
Do you understand that?

No. I don't understand anything.
Oh, good.

Okay. You got to get
some clothes on.

Where are we going? To the Rousseau
Memorial Museum.

Pierre, which room is the painting in?

It's gallery number three.
The corner of the building. Okay.

Jaime, what are we doing here?

Well, I'm trying to work it so that

Beaumont will deliver the fake painting
to Moreau.

But he's in there now, switching it
for the real painting.

Well, maybe he is and maybe he isn't.

Listen, in exactly three minutes,
what I want you to do

is throw a rock through one of these
windows. Okay?

What for? Because I'm gonna need some
confusion, that's what for.

Confusion? But I'm already confused.






Uh... Oh, a rock.

BEAUMONT: Magnificent.

Please, Pierre. Throw it now. Come on. Come on.

Oh, a rock. Oh, yeah, a rock.
A rock. All right.

Oh! Oh, no.

Take it down and hang the fake.

Come on, Pierre.

Uh... A rock!

What was that?

Sounded like a window breaking.

I know it was a window
breaking, you fool.

Maybe it's the police!

Put it behind the plant.

All right, fan out and see what it was.


ALAIN: Look, I found this,
but I did not see anyone.



Someone threw this through the window.

It's probably some child.
Let's get on with it.

Get the fake and make the switch.

All right,
let's get out of here.

That's how it should be, girl.
You belong to everybody.



Oh, okay.

I saw them coming out
with the real painting.

Well, didn't they seem pleased with themselves?

Where to now?
Okay. We're going to Cannes.

And I'd like to get there early enough
to do some shopping.

Shopping? What for?

For something that will make me

look like a Swedish bride, huh?

Let's go.

BEAUMONT: Hurry up. - Moreau is expecting us
at 10:00 sharp.

ALAIN: You are really fearful of him,
aren't you?

BEAUMONT: We must all be very careful
how we treat him.

Alfredo Moreau is an extremely
dangerous man.

He'd kill us with a smile
on his face.

Ah, bonjour, Don Alfredo.
I trust you're well.

Uh, this is it.

It's beautiful.

How long I've waited
for you, my beauty.

Monsieur Rochette, you authenticate this
as the original DeJon?

Oh, I saw it removed from the museum wall
myself, Don Alfredo.

Hang it for the Don.

This is a pleasure I reserve for myself.

A magnificent collection, Don Alfredo.
You should be very proud.


The word proud cannot express
what I feel.

Ah, it's magnificent.

One million, two hundred
thousand dollars.

I'm very grateful to you, my friend.

You deserve every penny of this.

Don Alfredo, your gratitude

is almost more important
than the money.

There's more where that came from.

At the museum in Nice,

there's an absolutely magnificent

Unfortunately, sir, my forger,
Pierre Lambert,

had an accident.
He was killed.

I'm afraid it puts me
out of the business.


I rather fancied the Lautrec. (CHUCKLING)

Okay. Now, when I call for you, you come running.
All right?

All right.

Thank you.

So, there you are, you phony fraud!

Who are you?

You will have your turn,

Surprised to see me,
are you not?

Did you really think you could cheat me
and get away with it?

Beaumont, who is this woman?

I don't know how she got here,

but her name is Jaime Sommers,

and she's an OS! Agent.

Oh, must you tell lies
about everything?

What's your name, cutie?

Alfredo Moreau.

Oh, how quaint.
Well, I am Mrs. Theopolus.

My husband is Nicholas Theopolus.

That's not true. Uh, yes, the...
The Greek shipping man.

I heard that he married a very lovely girl
from Sweden.

Thank you. As a matter of fact,
you told me.

Yes I did.
But she is not...

On what matter of business
are you here?

Well, I have been pursuing
this naughty man.

Don Alfredo, don't listen to her.
I tell you, she's an agent.

Oh, I will decide that.
Go on, madame.

Well, my sweet Nickie, he...
He bought a DeJon

as a little wedding present
from this man.

That's not true...
And would you believe?

It was a forgery, and such a lousy forgery,
I might say.

That the paint on it
wasn't even dry.


Well, obviously,
he's done the same to you.

This is just another fake
like mine.

I'm afraid you are mistaken.
That is an original DeJon.

JAIME: Really?

Well, can you do this

to a genuine original DeJon?


Naughty. Naughty.

Shame on you.

MOREAU: Monsieur Beaumont!

Do not feel too bad,
Monsieur Bordeaux.

Even I would not have known if the painter
hadn't confessed.

You told me he was dead.

But Don Alfredo, she is not
telling the truth!

Can't you tell the truth
about anything, can you?

Pierre, please come in here.


But I saw you jump.

Don Alfredo, I... I can't explain this,

I've been tricked.

He's been tricked.

Well, my Nickie can't afford to be
made a fool of.

So he will take care
of this riff raff.

Neither can I.

Take him below. Lock him in the cabin,
prepare for sea.

But, Don Alfredo, Don Alfredo,
listen to me, please!


What do we do with those two?

Well, personally, I think they will be
more useful alive.

To discourage others from ever trying to cheat
people like us again.

Yes. Get out.

I'm very grateful, madame.

I wish you much happiness
in your marriage,

and please give my warmest regards
to Nickie.



Come along, my twisted little
genius, huh?

Phew! Thank God that's over.
It isn't quite.

Get me out of here!
He's gonna kill me!

Beaumont, we still wanna get those
other paintings back.

Now I'll get you out of here,
if you'll agree

to testify against him in court,

and give us a full signed confession
of all your activities.

I'll do anything!
Anything you say!

All right. Stand back.


Okay. There. Come on.

But of course.

These are the real paintings,

Yes. Beaumont's confession helped get the original
paintings back.

Also put he and Moreau away.

Pierre, you did fine.

I'll be right back.

What are you gonna do now?

Huh, who knows?

I've been so weak,
I've caused so much harm.

I may never take another brush
in my hand again.

Oh, it's all right.

I haven't any real talent, anyway.

Every time I look at the masters,
their genius just defeats me.

Pierre, the masters,
they were just artists

doing their own thing,
in their own time.

Now, van Gogh and DeJon, they never heard
themselves called masters.

That all came later.

You gotta give yourself a chance.

I think you're extremely talented.
I really do.

You've that much faith in me?
Yes, I do.

But, what's important is that you have faith
in yourself.

That's what's gonna get you through.

Maybe I will give it a try.


Because the next time we see one of your paintings
hanging in the Louvre,

I'd like to see your own name on it,
you know.