The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 8, Episode 6 - The Expedition Approximation - full transcript

Sheldon and Raj test whether they could survive a dark-matter research expedition in a salt mine by simulating the conditions in a steam tunnel. Meanwhile, Leonard and Penny seek advice from Howard and Bernadette when they argue about money.

English Subtitles (HI)
[MP4] The Big Bang Theory S08E06 (720p) The Expedition Approximation - HDTV [KoTuWa]

I like your suit.

Oh, thanks. Got a couple
new outfits for work.

How does it feel knowing
your fiancée's job

is to go out
and flirt with doctors,

looking like that,
while you sit here, you know...

looking like this?

She doesn't flirt with doctors.

Yeah. It's all
very professional.

You know when you bend over,
I can see down your shirt?

Okay, good.

Speaking of new careers,
how are things going

with dark matter,

Oh, yeah, I'd have to say
it's the most exiting time

in the history of the field.

What's going on?

I started doing it.

You know, the government funded

the biggest experiment yet
to detect dark matter.

Oh, yeah,

I've read about that...
they're sending research teams

down into abandoned salt mines.
You know, Sheldon,

if we apply to be
one of those teams,

we could be on the ground floor
of something big...

not just for theoretical physics
but for astrophysics as well.

Wait, hang on... you guys
are gonna work in a mine?

Why not?
You had

a panic attack when
we went through the car wash.

Perhaps the emotion
you're referring to was shock

at you having something cleaned.

I think what Penny meant is,
the thought of you two

in a mine is kind of funny...
it's like a cat riding a Roomba.


If they get scared,
they'll have those hats

with the lights on them,
'cause down there

it's night-night all the time!

Maybe they could

ride around in one of
those mine carts that go,


Yeah, it'll help them get away
when they see a gh-gh-ghost...!

Are they making fun of us?

I miss the old days
when I couldn't tell.

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

♪ The Big Bang Theory 8x06 ♪
The Expedition Approximation
Original Air Date: 2014-10-20

Sync, corrected by elderman

So, one of my favorite
video games of all time

is called Shadow of the Colossus,
and it was only

for PlayStation 2,

but then they came out
with a new version

for PS3 with better graphics.

I finally got the chance
to play it,

and for some reason, it just
wasn't as good as the first one.

Or something about yoga.

I'm sorry...
I was thinking about work.

Well, I was just saying that
there was this video game...

Yeah, that's when I started
thinking about work.

Uh, listen, I've got
some good news.


This is for you.


What is this?

Well, you know how
they gave me the company car?

Didn't make sense to have two,
so I sold the other one.

The one I gave you?

Yeah. And there's your money
back... and now we're even.

How great is that?

Uh, yeah.



Oh, come on, Leonard, I know
the car was a thoughtful gesture

and I really appreciate it,

but it doesn't make sense
to have both.

You're right.
What should I have done?

Taken a picture of us in the car
and put it in a pink frame

with puffy paint around it
that says “best fiancé ever”?

Doesn't sound that bad.

Well, good, because...
that's why I did!



thank you.

That-that is so sweet.
No, it's not

that sweet...
I paid for the frame

with your money
and then got a massage.

You know what, you don't
have to give me this.

You keep it.

The car

was a gift... it was something
you needed.

I was happy to
help you out.

And I really appreciate it,
but now I don't need it,

so... here you go.

this is silly... so you
don't need the car,

but you could use it to buy
yourself something else,

like a... new purse to
put all this money in.

Sweetie, I can buy my own stuff.

I have a good job now.

I know, and I'm
proud of you,

but that doesn't mean I
can't do something nice.

Like this.

Okay, I don't want this
to turn into a fight.

I don't, either.

Thank you.

Can you pass the salt, please?

In my mind, that broke
the tension with comedy

and led to sex.

(clears throat)

Hey, Sheldon, you busy?

I'm always busy.

This mind is capable
of advanced multitasking.

You know, currently,

I'm attempting to solve

the Penrose conjecture,

I'm composing
my Nobel acceptance speech

for when I've solved
the Penrose conjecture,

and I'm wondering
how mermaids have babies.

Don't they lay eggs on a rock?

Now I've got room
for another thing.

What do you want?

So, I did a little
research on what

the conditions are like
in the mines,

and the guys might be right...

sounds pretty rough
down there.

For starters, it's very humid,

and about a hundred degrees.

Well, I'm from Texas
and you're from India...

we're no strangers
to the fragrant armpit. Next.

It's also a live mine, so
there'll be dynamite explosions

going off in the distance.
Yeah, I have

a lactose-intolerant roommate

with a taste
for ice cream. Next.

Oh, you have to be down there
for 12 hours at a time.

Yeah? We have to be somewhere.

Well, there's no toilets...

we'll have to do our business
in a bucket.

So it's settled...
we're not doing it.

Look, I get it, but...
before we pass up

on an incredible opportunity,
I was thinking about

when Howard was training
to go to space,

they put him
in a simulated environment.

Interesting. You're
suggesting that we recreate

the conditions
of the mine

to see if we can handle it.

Very well.
So where should we do it?

Well, I'll just Google
“hot, dark and moist,”

see what comes up.

Uh, Sheldon...

Oh, there, well, look,
there's all kinds of videos.


Hey, you got a sec?

Hi. Sure.

I was hoping we could talk
about the money again.

Oh, sweetie, just forget about it.
No, no, no, no,

hear me out. I know things
got a little weird last night.

Well, leaving an envelope full
of cash on my dresser after sex

would count as weird.

Well, I think I came up
with a pretty good solution.


Why don't we just put the money
in a joint account?

It'll be our first
money together.

We can use it for the wedding,
the honeymoon, whatever.

You know what, that's great.
I love that!

Yeah, of course you do...
I'm not just a genius in bed.

(feminine voice):
You sure are, baby.

You two want to be alone?

I want you to know I get
why you don't want the money...

you've got this new job,
you're excited

about being financially

and I am nothing
but proud of you.

Oh, thank you so much.

It feels so good
to hear you say that.

And I want you
to know

that I get this job
kind of changes

the balance in our relationship,

and... I'm trying
to be sensitive to that.


Well, I just think that
maybe you're a little hung up

on the money because
I'm less reliant on you now,

and that's a little scary.



Or maybe I tried
to do something nice

and maybe you had
a problem with it

because of your control issues.

Control issues?


Or... maybe...

now that I'm no longer
an out-of-work actress

who can't pay
for her own dinner,

that makes you
a little insecure.

Well, I can't believe
you'd say that.

You know how insecure I am
about my insecurities.

You know what?
I'm sorry.

It's stupid
to fight over money.

Yeah, I'm sorry, too.
We're about to share

the rest of our lives together.

It's our money...
who cares who has it?

Ugh! You're right...
who cares? Mm.

Get that money
out of my back pocket

or I will break your fingers.

Huh. All this time
I never knew

there were steam tunnels
down here.

Most universities
have them.

When I was an undergrad,
I spent three days in one

pledging a sorority.

Did you get in?

No. They forgot I was there.

But it really opened up
my pores.

Well, according
to my research,

the steam tunnels
below this access point

should be the closest
analog to the mines.

This is gonna be
so much more accurate

than the steam room at the gym.

Plus, there's almost no chance

we'll see any
of our coworkers half naked.

Or totally naked.
I love Howard,

but the dude needs
a little shame.

All right, Amy, this
walkie-talkie is yours.

If we run into any problems,
I'll contact you.

And if anything bad happens,
what's the rule?

Save you first; Come back
for Raj only if there's time.

We're going
to be fine.

Sheldon, I'm really impressed

you're willing to try this.

Well, admittedly,
this brushes up

against my well-known aversions
to heat, small places,

going below floor-level,

dampness, hatches,

darkness, echoes,

and eliminating in
Home Depot buckets.

That last one is quite new,
but I have a feeling

that's gonna rocket
to the top of the list.

I'm sweating already.

Yeah, as the person beneath you,
allow me to say, I know.

How hot is it?

Uh, let's see.

No, wait, it's on “clock.”

No, the real answer
isn't much better.

102 degrees.

Well, that's what we wanted.

This is as hot
as the mines will be.


Sheldon's Mine Simulation Log,
entry one.

Koothrappali's restating
of the obvious

is already getting on my nerves.

Thanks again
for having us.

Oh, of course. What did
you guys want to talk about?

Well, you know, now
that we're engaged,

we had some questions about how
you handle money as a couple.

I told you they weren't gonna
ask us to swing with them.

I didn't think
they were going to.

I just wanted to have
a way to say no

without hurting
Leonard's feelings.

Well... nailed it.

So what did you
want to know?

Well, do you guys ever
fight over money?

Sure, sometimes.

I mean, it can be
a little awkward

since I make so much more money
than Howie.

You didn't have to say
“so much more.”

Well, I didn't have to,
but for the sake of accuracy

I felt that I should.

I brought a lot of
significant assets

into the
relationship, too.

Like what? Your incomplete set
of Star Trek collector plates?

For your information,
I just bought the last one

I needed on eBay.

Without asking me?

There were only three minutes
left in the auction

and it was a mint condition
Scotty from a smoke-free home.

How much, Howie?

Not a lot.

How much?

Let's not talk about this
in front of our friends.

Was it more or less
than falconry school?

For the tenth time,
that was a Groupon.

Like I would swing
with him.


How you feeling?


Little claustrophobic.

Let's set up
the equipment.

It'll help take
your mind off of it.

Miners often sang mining songs
to keep their spirits up.

Do you know any
mining songs?

Just the hits.

♪ Where it's dark
as a dungeon ♪

♪ And it's damp
as the dew ♪

That's pretty.

♪ Where the dangers
are double ♪

♪ And the pleasures
are few ♪

♪ Where the rain never falls ♪

♪ And the sun never shines ♪

♪ Yes, it's dark as a dungeon ♪

♪ Way down
in the mine ♪

It's a little more
bleak than I thought.

♪ Well, I pray
when I dead ♪

♪ And the ages shall roll ♪

♪ That my body will blacken ♪

♪ And turn into coal ♪

Getting kind
of grim.

♪ Then I'll look
from the door ♪

♪ Of my heavenly home ♪

♪ And pity the miner ♪

♪ That mines my poor bones. ♪

Okay. How 'bout
a little Miley Cyrus next?

Who's he?

Talk about wasted money.

What about the late fees
on our credit card

because somebody didn't pay
the bill on time?

Well, maybe I would have paid it

if I wasn't also doing
everything else around here.

Oh, you're saying I don't do
anything around here.

Look at my chore chart.

She made him a chore chart.
I see it.

“Do the dishes.”
There's a star right there.

That was a pity star. Putting
water in the roasting pan

and leaving it in the sink
is not doing the dishes.

That pan had to soak
and you know it.

Well, don't come crying to me

when you don't get
your allowance.

It's not an allowance.

It's a stipend!

And we said we weren't gonna
call it an allowance

in front of my friends.

(door slams)

I usually don't like
lemon bars,

but Th-these are really good.

So, as Hannah
Montana, Miley

was a world-famous pop star.

But then she would take off
her wig and go to school

like a
normal girl.

Which, I don't have to tell you,

at that age,
is its own headache.

That's preposterous.

How would she go unrecognized
just by wearing a wig?

But you're okay with Superman
concealing his identity

with a pair of glasses?

He doesn't just put on a pair
of glasses.

He combs back his curlicue

and affects
a mild-mannered personality.

AMY: You guys doing
okay down there?

I told you to use
the walkie-talkie!

You guys doing okay down there?

Please keep this channel clear
for emergencies. Thank you.

I'm going to the vending
machine. Do you want anything?

This is a simulation.
We have to survive

on the supplies we brought.

Okay, just checking.

We should have asked her
to get some Funyuns.

You're not going to have Funyuns

when we're a mile
below the surface of the Earth.

What if we brought them down
with us?

We'll take some Funyuns.

Anything else?

Some York Peppermint Patties,

a couple
of Dr. Peppers, and...

run to Best Buy and see if
they have a portable DVD player

and season one of a show
called Hannah Montana.

Have her get season two.

Season one,
it was still finding itself.

Sorry you guys had to see that.

don't apologize.

It just makes it a lot harder
to pretend it never happened.

Money's a sensitive subject
for Howie

because of the difference
in our income.

It really bothers him?

Well, sure.
There's still a lot of pressure

on guys to be providers.

So even though
he's happy for me,

it's just a little tough on him.



if I do well in sales,

I could end up making a
lot more money than you.

Not a problem.
I grew up with a mother

who emasculated
my father financially

and in every other aspect
of his life, so...

...really, it's what I think
love looks like.

I'll be right back.
I'm gonna go check on him.

Maybe it's a good
thing we came here.

It's like a lesson
in what not to do.

Yeah I don't want something dumb
like money to come between us.

It won't. Let's just promise
to figure this kind of stuff out

before we get married.

WOLOWITZ: Why are you
being so bossy?!

BERNADETTE: Why are you
being a baby?

WOLOWITZ: I'm not a baby!
I'm a grown man,

and I made the bed.
Now where's my star?

Should we go?
Hang on.

I want to see if
he gets the star.

Oh, this heat is brutal.

As someone from the tropical
subcontinent of India,

you should know that fanning
yourself in a humid environment

only raises
your body temperature.

Huh. That does explain why
the servants used to look so hot

while they were fanning me.

Let's get our minds off
how uncomfortable we are.

We could take some more
simulated instrument readings.

My major focus

at the moment is keeping
my claustrophobia at bay.

How's that going?
You tell me.

I feel like I can't breathe,

and I am tempted
to crack you open

and suck the air
right out of your lungs.

Sheldon, if this is
too much, we can stop.

We're not stopping.

You don't have to
bite my head off.

I apologize.

I j...

I'm plagued
by an internal struggle.

If you would just use
the bucket,

you'd be
so much more comfortable.

My struggle is emotional.

Oh. Is it Amy?

It's dark matter.

When I entered
the field

of string theory,
I was a prodigy.

I rose to a position of respect,

and I assumed
my career would continue

on that upward trajectory.

Now here I am in my 30s,

I'm back at square one.

And, frankly, it's frightening.

Sheldon, you know
what I think of when I'm scared?


Voyager the space probe

or Voyager
the Star Trek TV show?

The space probe.

Because I am too hot and tired

to go on about how much
I hate Voyager the TV show.

By the time
I was born,

Voyager 1's mission
was supposed to be over.

It had seen

Jupiter and Saturn
and all their moons,

but it kept going.

When I left India for America,

I was never more scared
in my life.

I had no idea
what lay ahead.

Whenever I feel that way,
I think about how...

Voyager is still out there

beyond our solar system,

going further than anyone
ever thought it could.

Don't leave!
You can do this!

is everything okay?

It's too late for Koothrappali.

Let's go!

11 minutes.
That's longer than I thought.

They're in my shirt!

Okay, this is definitely
the most fun thing we can do

with the money.

I've never done it on
a big old pile of cash before.

(high-pitched): “Me neither, Leonard.
It's my first time, too.”

I'm so sorry I made you feel bad
about the money stuff.

It's okay.
No, it's not okay.

I want us to be
partners, equals.

Adults in a mature

I want that, too.

Now, let's talk about
your birthday party.

Ooh, laser tag, laser tag.

Do you really need me
to transcribe this?

You're not doing it for me.

You're doing it
for future generations

who will benefit
from my struggle.

Sheldon's Mine Simulation Log,

entry four:

My Kit Kat has melted.

All is lost.

You call yourself
a friend?!

I was trying

to help you!
And at the first sign of trouble

you ran away, leaving me
to fend off a family of rats!

You're a completely selfish
human being

and a... and a physical
and a moral coward!

His statements of the obvious
continue to annoy.

Sync, corrected by elderman