The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 8, Episode 10 - The Champagne Reflection - full transcript

While Sheldon retires "Fun With Flags", Leonard, Howard and Raj look for something significant in a dead professor's research, and Bernadette finds out what her colleagues really think of her.

Hello. I'm Dr.
Sheldon Cooper.

And welcome to Sheldon Cooper
Presents: Fun with Flags,

the Final Episode

I knew it was coming.
Still scary.

Now, I'm sure you're thinking,
"The final episode?

Who will stand between
us and flag ignorance""

I know I was thinking that.

Is this a show on flags
or mind reading?

But the truth is I can no longer
balance a full-time career,

a popular Internet show,
and a girlfriend.

And he really does have one,
you jerks on the comment board.

So as they say, all good
things must come to an end.

233 if we
include the one

somebody forgot
to press record on.

You said
you weren't gonna bring that up.

And you
said you pressed record.

Anyway, please
sit back, relax,

and join us as we
take our final lap... indicated by the
waving of this racing flag.

And, of course, white flags
can also represent surrender,

the Stewards of Gondor, and
the Japanese Minamoto clan,

but I'm sure you remember that,
from episode sixty-two.

"White Flags: Who's
Wavin' 'Em and Why?"

That was a good one.

It was so good.

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

♪ The Big Bang Theory 8x10 ♪
The Champagne Reflection
Original Air Date on November 20

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

You know, I thought cleaning out
a dead professor's office

was gonna just be boring,

but then I found his dentures

and realized it's also gross.

Doesn't Professor Abbott's
family want any of this stuff?

I don't think he had a family.

That's rough.
I know.

You can spend your whole life

and at the end all that's left
are some papers in a box.

Makes you think.

Oh, well.

Hey. Hey, we're supposed to
look through all this stuff

before we throw it away
in case it's important.

I-I did.
It's all outdated or disproved.

I don't know. This old pen
kind of proves gravity.

When I tilt it, her bathing
suit falls right off.


my dad used to have
a pen like that.

I dated it
all through sixth grade.

It still feels weird

just throwing away his work
like this.

Don't feel bad.

someone will be throwing out
your work, too.

That someone was Sheldon,
and the day was yesterday.

Hey, look at this.

"Dear Roger, to be opened
upon your first great discovery.

Love, Mom."

Wow, look at the date.

He saved this 50 years
and never got to open it.

That's intense.

Poor Roger Abbott.

Roger Abbott sounds
just like Roger Rabbit.

Roger Abbott, Roger Abbott,
Roger Abbott.

Oh, my God, Leonard, I know
he's dead, but try it. It's fun!

Roger Abbott,
Roger Abbott...


Oh, my rookie of the year.

Oh, Dan. My boss who didn't want
to hire me

and now's a little hug machine.

look at you. Brand-new

and already
the third best sales rep.

Aw. Yes.
Why don't you come over to my table.

I'll be right there.
Bernadette's just parking the car.

Oh, good.

Bernadette. Cute, sweet...

vicious little Bernadette.

Come on. She's not that bad.

Oh, yeah?

At the company picnic
she yelled at me and my grandson

for losing
the three-legged race.

I mean, he still calls her "that
mean kid with the big boobies."

I know she can be
a little intense, but, I swear,

she is so sweet
once you get past all the...

Hey, what are you
talking about?

Oh. We were just talking

about how much we love working
with you. Isn't that right?


Over the years here
at Fun With Flags,

we've had an opportunity to
learn, laugh, wonder...

And, yes, even shed
a tear or two.

Like when you do a two-hour
Fourth of July spectacular

and it doesn't
get recorded.

How many times do I have
to say I'm sorry?

How about 4,000.

One for every domino I set up
to make that American flag.

Please enjoy
these highlights.

Crikey! What flag
do we have today?

Australia, mate!

And now it's time for the speed
round of Flag or Not a Flag.


Not a flag.

I am crushing this.

Say, Betsy Ross,
what you working on?

I have no idea.

Because the story of me
sewing the first American flag

is unsupported

Then who did sew it, hmm?

Don't ask me.

I'm just a simple seamstress
whose descendants are...

out to make a quick buck!

Fancy a dip, my dear?

I do.

Wait, that purple
flag indicates

that marine pests, such
as jellyfish, are present.

Wow, that flag
is a lifesaver.


This is.

Stop looking at my legs.

Not a flag.

Not a flag.



When stuff
like this gets me down,

you know what I like to do?

Sing "Hakuna Matata"
like an eight-year-old girl?

Wrong, smarty-pants.

It's "Everything Is Awesome"
from The Lego Movie.

Look at these notebooks.

They're full of pages and pages
of data.

He clearly spent years on this.

Mmm. Oh, it's just columns
of random numbers. Toss it.

Well, but what if this was a
potential breakthrough for him?

What if...
what if this is the thing

that would've finally let him
open that bottle of champagne?

Maybe he didn't know what
to pair champagne with.

Strawberries, caviar, oysters.
All good choices.

Yeah, that look right there

is why people eat before
they come to your parties.

This has to mean something.

Well, there's no discernible
pattern that I can see,

but it shouldn't be too hard
to run the numbers and check.

Well, maybe we can get
some time on the supercomputer.

Sure. We could try
multiple regressions

with varying physical and
experimental constants.

Oh, we could run
a pattern-matching algorithm

against well-known
unsolved physics problems.

Ooh, it might be
a substitution cipher.

We could start
with basic cryptanalysis.

Or we could talk to this guy
he used to share an office with.

Oh, let's do that.

Because you don't know how
to do cryptanalysis, do you?

I'm not even sure if
it's the right word.


Dan, you have a grandson.
How old is he?

- Seven.
- Oh, yeah.

I remember him from the picnic.

He was the one crying
like a wuss the whole time.

I heard he was being picked on
by a mean kid.

Just builds character.

Like my dad said,
"Nobody likes a crybaby

except their mommies
and Democrats."

I need another drink.

What's his problem?

I don't know.
Maybe he didn't like the fact

that you called his grandson
a wuss.

Well, I didn't think you were
supposed to say "sissy" anymore.

Okay, look, I know
what a good person you are,

but sometimes people think you
might come off a little harsh.


I'm, like, the sweetest person
I know.

Look at me. I should be
in a tree baking cookies.

Yes, but once in a while,

people think
you're a little mean.

Oh, yeah?

You one of those people?

No. No, no, no.

I-I think the cookie thing.


Welcome back.

Our guest today
is a returning fan favorite.

He puts the reading
in your rainbow,

the Geordi in your La Forge,

and the Kunta in your Kinte,

Mr. LeVar Burton.

Thank you, Sheldon.
Now, remember our deal...

You do this, I delete
your contact information.


While you watch me do it.

Great. Happy to be back.

Well, since you're here,

I'd like to get your
opinion on something.

In honor of Black
History Month,

I portrayed George
Washington Carver

in a loving tribute that my
roommate called "wildly racist""

What do you think?

Hi. My name is George.

Oh, hell, no!

You heard him, Leonard.

No, it's not racist.

Are we sure this is the place?

The doorman said this
is the right building.

I think if you're pulling up
your pants,

you're not a doorman.

Who is it?

Uh, I'm looking
for a Professor Sharpe?

Hold on.

Can I help you?

We're from the university. We're
trying to get some information

about Professor Abbott.

We were cleaning
out his office

and found these books
full of numbers.

Any chance you
know what it is?

Yes, he was always working on this.

I was thinking
it might be

some sort of interstellar
coordinate system,

maybe an updated version
of Hubble's law.

I keep seeing the
number 90 repeating.

That could be the angle
of perturbation

of a distant galaxy.

It's the number
of calories in a yogurt.

That's his food diary.


Yeah, he wrote down
everything he ever ate.

He was convinced that calorie
restriction was the key

to living forever.

Does it work?


Well, he could have been hit
by a bus. You don't know.

Sorry it's not more interesting.

On the bright side,
you didn't have to listen

to his stomach growl
for 35 years.

So, was there anything
that Professor Abbott worked on

during his life that came close
to an accomplishment?

To be honest, his research
never amounted to anything.

You were his colleague.

How did your research turn out?

Great. Hey, this is
the apartment you get

when you win a Nobel.

Well, you could be very frugal.

I'm getting a little tired
of everybody's sarcasm.

I'm not a bully.

I mean, maybe I come
off a little strong,

but that's only because my
dad raised me to be tough

and not to take
crap from anybody.

No. That's fine, but there's
a difference between being tough

and telling your friend her new
pants look like a saggy diaper.

I did say that, didn't I?

Yeah, you did.

I felt so self-conscious,
I had to return them.

Where? To Babies R Us?

You're doing it again!

Okay, sorry.
Can we just go?

I feel like
everybody hates me.

Oh, come on,
they don't hate you, all right?

They're just
a little intimidated.

All you need to do
is show everyone

how sweet you really are.

I think I'd rather go.
No, come on.

You are not going anywhere,
all right?

I am here for you, and we are
gonna fix this together.

Thank you.

Even though your dress is ugly.

Well, my little Flag-keteers,

it looks like the last episode
of Fun with Flags is at an end.

If I could,

I would run each and every one
of you viewers up a flagpole

and salute you.

And if you touched the ground,
burn you.

I'd like to take a moment

to personally thank
Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler,

who you may
or may not know

is the first woman to co-host
a flag or banner-related

Internet info-tainment show.

Take that, glass ceiling.

And if I may get serious
for a moment,

hosting this show has been...

one crazy ride.

With all its ups and downs,

I wouldn't give it up
for the world.

Except for now,
when I'm giving it up.

Before I sign off, I'd, uh...

I'd like to share with you all
one last use for a white flag.

It's good for times like this.

Good night.



that was beautiful.

If you didn't press record...

I pressed it!

Well, that's it.

That's the end of Roger Abbott.

And we still don't know
who framed him.

I still keep thinking

about how an entire life can
seemingly amount to nothing.

I guess the
sad truth is,

not everyone will
accomplish something great.

Some of us

may just have to find meaning

in the little moments
that make up life.

That's a nice way
of looking at it.

Yeah for you, not for me.

I went to space. I'm covered.

You know what?

This bottle was meant
to celebrate an achievement.

Let's make a pact.

When one of us gets their
first big breakthrough,

we'll celebrate by opening
this bottle of champagne

and toasting
Professor Abbott.

I love that.

Yeah, me, too.

Then, of course,

rubbing our success
in Sheldon's face.

Oh, well, that's the best part.
Oh, yeah.

Dan, could I talk
to you for a minute?

Sure, go ahead.

Just want you to know
I didn't mean

to be rude about your grandson.

No, it's okay.

No, it's not.

Penny told me
that everyone's scared of me.

What? What?

Why would she say that?

You know she drinks, right?


No, she's right,
and I just want you to know

that from now on, I'm gonna be
much more sensitive.

I don't want anyone walking
on eggshells around me.

Oh, well, okay, then, uh,

one thing
I've been meaning to tell you

is that the company is gonna
stop paying for our coffee.

No problem. When
does that start?

Five months ago.


Who's been paying
for my coffee?

All of us.

Yeah. It comes
from the swear jar

we put money in when you curse.

What else don't I know about?

Uh, well, you know
your private bathroom?


That was supposed to
be for the whole floor.

- You're kidding.
- No, no.

It's okay. It only really
affected Wheelchair Kathy,

and she's back
in the hospital now,

so it all worked out.

I feel so bad.

Well, then, maybe

you shouldn't have named her
"Wheelchair Kathy."

Oh, my God!

I thought everybody liked me,
but I'm just a monster.

But a cute one, like that, uh,
eyeball guy in Monsters, Inc.

No, I'm the worst.

I'm a terrible person.

Come on, don't cry.
It's okay.

It's not okay.

How can I even work here anymore?

- Because this company needs you.
- It's fine.

We don't mind paying
for the coffee.

I can't let you do that.

Maybe we could get you

an espresso machine
for your office.

I guess that would be all right.

All right.

See? You don't have

to be mean
to get what you want.

You're right.

Now where did we land
on my bathroom?



How come you're up so late?

I posted the last episode

of Fun with Flags hours ago,

and not a single person
cared enough to comment.

All that effort for nothing.

Mm. I know how you feel.

I spent the day throwing out
a man's entire career,

and all that's left is
an old bottle of champagne

and a naked lady pen
that Raj took

when he thought
no one was looking.

It's not the same thing.

I don't think you know
how I feel at all.


Hmm. You do get me.

Someone left a comment.

Yeah. What did they say?

"Too bad your show is done.

I kind of liked it."

Leonard, did you hear that?

Oh, the people are heartbroken!

I can't take this away
from the world!

Fun with Flags is back!


Let's celebrate!


that wasn't for you!

Oh, no, I'm not going
to drink it.

I just wanted to hear the pop.

Yeah, I knew it was coming.
Still scary.

LeVar Burton?

LeVar Burton!

LeVar Burton!

Ugh. What are you doing here?

You told me not to call,

and I didn't know how else
to give you the good news.

Fun with Flags is back, and
you can be in the next episode.

Wil Wheaton said, get a gate.

I don't know why
I didn't get a gate.


At least listen
to the premise.

Since you were born
in Germany,

I thought we could talk
about German flags.

How do you feel about
dressing up like a swastika?

== sync, corrected by elderman ==