The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 6, Episode 4 - The Re-Entry Minimization - full transcript

Howard is offended when his return from space is met with little fanfare. Penny and Amy take on Sheldon and Leonard during game night.





We'll remember you
with nostalgic fondness.

The way we do the dial-up
modem,the VHS tape,or...

or Leonard's gym membership.

We're not kicking him out.

Stuart and I have become good friends.

Okay,one vote for,one vote against.

Leonard,you're the tiebreaker.

I don't have a problem with Stuart.

Besides,he gives us a 20%
discount at his comic book store.

Well,I don't sell my
friendship that cheaply.

I can go 30.

Welcome aboard,old chum.

Okay,the NASA Web site says
Howard's final descent has begun.

He left a boy,he
returns a boy-sized hero.

Loops,calm down!

* Baruch atah,Adonai,Eloheinu *

* Melech haolam,hamotzi
Lechem min haaretz...*

What's that?

The Jewish prayer for eating bread!

We don't have one for
falling out of space!

We did it!

We're on the ground!

We survived!

That was just the parachute.

We still have another six miles to go.


the big bang
theory Season06Episode04

Waiting for my husband.

That's nice.

He's coming back from outer space.

I think this flight's
coming from Houston.

No,I mean,he... Never mind.

There he is!

Howie! Howie!

Whoa,thank you.

Great to be back on Earth.

Uh,I think they're here for me,Ringo.

Howie! Howie!

Mr. Mandel,I'm your driver.

Oh,thanks.Here you go.

That nut job was telling everybody
on the plane he's an astronaut.

I missed you so much!

I missed you,too.

Oh... Where are the guys?

Oh,it's just me.

Oh,I get it.

They're waiting back home
with a big surprise party.

Don't worry,I can act surprised.

No,I told them they could
have you tomorrow night.

Tonight,you belong to me.

Gesundheit.You okay?

I am now that you're back.

Come on,let's go home so I can
tear off those little pants.


Just keep in mind astronauts lose
a lot of muscle tone in space,

so you might have to do
most of the heavy lifting.

You know,I am very disappointed that I won't be
able to celebrate Howard's accomplishment tonight.

Me,too.But we'll see him tomorrow.

Yes,it's just that in all
the years I've known him,

he's never had the opportunity
to receive my admiration.

I was excited to see the look on
his face when it finally happened.

You're unbelievable.

I know.

All right,Pictionary--
what are the teams?

How about boys versus girls?

That hardly seems fair.

But I guess any team that I'm
not on has a decided disadvantage.

Once again,unbelievable.

Yeah,once again,I know.

All right,round one.

- Here.
- Got it.






Batman and Robin.

Uh,Wonder Twins plus the monkey.

Wonder Twins plus the monkey and Batman.

A gift?

- Present!
- Present!


Oh... Leonard.

Now,how can you not get that?

In what universe is that a present?

It's not a present,it's the present.

Look. There's you and me.

It's Penny and Amy.

We're playing Pictionary.

In the present.

Oh,my God,we're gonna kill them.

It's a quark-gluon plasma.


It's asymptotically free partons
inside a quark-gluon plasma.

Nothing with quarks.

It's an observational rebuttal of
the Lambda-CDM model of the universe!


- It's a chocolate chip cookie!
- Yes!

How could you miss that?

Hey,if you want someone to guess "chocolate chip
cookie," you draw a glass of milk next to it.

Penny got it.

Yeah,only after I eliminated
all the obvious answers.

You're welcome.



Oh,oh,a hot dog.

Penny,aren't you gonna draw something?

Relax,we got time,this is so fun.


A solar system.

flying liverwurst?

- I don't...
- Now?


Come on,Leonard,I am
spoon-feeding this to you.

I don't know,uh... Casper
the alcoholic ghost?

All right,that's enough.


- Uh,nail... polish?
- Yep!


The word is "Polish.

" See,look.

Polish sausage.

And the-the model of the solar system developed
by Nicolaus Copernicus,a Polish astronomer.

And then,finally,if that wasn't
enough-- which it should've been--

this is Madame Curie killing
herself by discovering radium,who,

although she was a naturalized
French citizen,was Polish by birth!

Excuse me,the word is "polish.

" See? Small "P."

So it is.

I guess we both share blame on this one.

Bernie,you okay?

Yeah,I'll be right there.

Did you get a sea lion while I was gone?

It's just allergies.


Took some Benadryl. I'll be fine.

So... did you miss me?

Are you kidding?

Every minute of every...

Excuse me.

Sweetie,we don't have to do this now.

Yes,we do.

You left right after we got married.

This is like our honeymoon.

Now,hold on to your hat.

You okay?

A little dizzy.

Must be the Benadryl.

Switch places with me.



...kiss me!



That was amazing.

You made me feel things I never...

Well,that was quick and a little gross.

Now,I know how she feels.

Hey,Sheldon,you're always
full of fun little facts.

Where did the expression "got
your ass handed to you" come from?

Don't know.

I wonder if it's from,like,ancient Rome where
they'd actually chop somebody's ass off and then go,


You know,to appease
Loseroneous,the god of losers.

I am not a loser.

Pictionary is not a true test of
any real intelligence or skill.

Mmm,in all fairness,Pictionary
has verbal skills,visual skills.

It's a pretty well-rounded game.

Lot of big talk from a man who
can't draw a chocolate chip cookie.

All right,fine,pick another game.

Amy and I will beat you at anything.

All right. Let's play...

Physics Fiesta.

Oh,come on,what is that?

It's a game that I just invented,

in which the participants answer
physics questions in remedial Spanish.

Um... ?D??nde est?? el boson de Higgs?

En el acelerador de particulares.

Bueno,mi amigo.

No,no,we're not playing
some dumb made-up game.

All games are made up.

They're not found in nature.

You don't just dig in the ground,come
across a rich vein of Rock'em Sock'em Robots.

Just pick another game.

Why don't we do something athletic like go
over to the university pool and play water polo?

No good-- Sheldon
doesn't float.

That is true.

I have a higher than
normal body density.

If I run too deep a bath,I drown.

All right,let's keep it
simple.How about darts?

Oh,that's not fair either.

Why not?

Darts is a bar game.

You've been frequenting drinking
establishments since you were of legal age.

Yeah,that's when it started.

Well,regardless,she has a distinct advantage in all tavern
- based competitions.

Pool,beer pong,wet T-shirt
contests-- they're all out.


Just for the record,I have never
entered a wet T-shirt contest.

I've won a few,but that's just
because I spill when I'm drunk,so...

We could go to the cadaver lab at
UCLA and play real-life Operation.

- No.
- I don't think so.

Are you sure?

I mean,the nose doesn't light
up,but if the corpse is fresh enough,

sometimes you can get the leg to jerk.

little star is home!

Ma,the chain's on the door!

Howard? I thought I wasn't
going to see you till tomorrow!

Yeah,well,Bernie's not feeling
well,so I thought I'd stop by,

tell you about the greatest
adventure of my life,

see if you can make
me feel bad about it.

Uh,uh,okay,hold on,I'm not decent!

All right.

Woman hasn't tied her robe in 20 years.

Suddenly she's not decent?

You want me to hide in the
closet or go out the back?!

Shh,you need to whisper.

Ma,who is in there?


The TV is on!

I only got one sock.

Where's my other sock?

Who is that?

I told you,it's the TV.

Jay Leno lost a sock; it's hilarious.

If you're busy,I can come back.

Just give me a second!




What are you doing here?

Um,house call.

You're a dentist.

Yes,yes,I am.

I think he's on to us!

Okay,glasses off.

Find Waldo.

Hurry up,find him,find him.

I'm trying!Don't yell at me!

For goodness' sake,he's wearing a
hat,glasses,and a red striped shirt.

I know what he looks like.

Oh,there he is,I got him.

Yes,we win again!

How could you not find him?

Because he's hard to find.

If he was easy to find,the books
would be called There's Waldo.

57,58,59,that's one minute.

Long division,long division.Go,go,go.

Remember,show your work.

I'm okay.I'm okay.

I'm not okay.

Get up,we can't lose in math.

- 37!
- Yes!




Stop that.


Amy,do something.



W-- Amy,stop

Amy,Penny,both of you,stop it.

One to beam aboard?

Oh,my God,you're back.

Oh,look at you.You,you
look like you grew.


The lack of gravity did decompress my
spine,so I'm like an inch and a half taller.

I'm going to the DMV tomorrow to get
my license changed before I shrink back.

Oh,uh,come in,come in.

Oh,I,uh,I didn't think I was going
to get to see you until tomorrow.

Yeah,well,Bernadette's a little under the
weather and my mom's kind of under my dentist.

Wait,your,your mother is
sleeping with your dentist?

Former dentist.

I need a new one now that I
know where his hands have been.

So you're wandering
all around by yourself?

That's not the kind of hero's welcome
an astronaut should come home to.

It's okay,you know,we space cowboys
don't do what we do for glory and fame.

We leave that to your rock stars and
your athletes and your Howie Mandels.

Oh,hey,man,welcome back.


What are you doing here?

I,I kind of live here now.

Just until he gets back on his feet,

which are looking pretty good in the
boots I bought him for his birthday.

Ah,he's spoiling me and I love it.

Wow,so you guys are like buds now?

Oh,yeah,we hang out all the time.

Plus,he doesn't have a girlfriend,I
don't have a girlfriend.

It's like we both had these holes in our
lives,but now we fill each other's holes.

Uh... that sounds a little
funny to an American ear.

Which part?

Just all of it.

Okay,so w-what do you
guys got going on tonight?

Raj is taking me to the
Sound of Music sing-along.

Sound of Music sing-along?

That used to be our
thing,but that's cool.

Oh,Howard,it's still our thing.

Come with us,we'll,we'll
get you a scalped ticket.

So I'd be sitting by myself?

We'll switch.

You'll come sit with
me after intermission.

So I-I-I'd be sitting by
myself during "Edelweiss"?

No,no,you guys go.

Have fun.

Okay,uh,will I get to see you tomorrow?


See you,Stuart.


Is he taller?

At least my mother made her
boyfriend climb out the window.

All right,standard state fair
pie-eating contest rules are:

no hands,first one
to clean the pan wins.

On the count of three.

- One,two...
- Wait.

I'm a little concerned.

Blueberries are rich in antioxidants.


So,with all those antioxidants,what
if I run out of oxidants?

Sheldon,we haven't won a game all night.

Now,you either stick your face in that pie
or I'm gonna stick that pie in your face.

That's rude.


Hey,guys,guess who's back from space.

Not now!

Oh,ow,blueberry in my
nose,blueberry in my nose!

Snort it down and keep eating!

You look familiar.

I don't think so.

Yeah,I just saw you on the news.

You're an astronaut.

Yes. Yes,I am.

Good for you.

How about a piece of
cheesecake on the house?

Oh,thank you so much.

I've been having the worst night.

I just got back,and my friends
don't care,my wife's sick,

- I went to my mom...
- You want the cheesecake or not?


* And I think it's gonna
be a long,long time *