The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 12, Episode 19 - The Inspiration Deprivation - full transcript

Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...

We conclusively proved

and yet somehow we-we still
feel like imposters.

Yeah, there should be
a term for that.

Oh, for crying out loud,
there is a term for that!

It's called
"imposter syndrome,"

and you don't have it,
because you can't have it

if you are imposters,
and you are!

We're the ones
who discovered super-asymmetry,

so if anyone's gonna feel like
they have imposter syndrome,

it's us, because we're
not imposters, they are!

You're imposters
and you're frauds!

Is that what I
would've sounded like?


Sheldon, look at this.

Wait a minute.

How do I know this isn't
one of those joke phones

that squirts water in my face?

Because that's
not even a thing. Look.

You got called
into human resources?

I'm sure it's because I insulted
Pemberton and Campbell

in a room full
of Nobel Laureates.

You did do that.

It was awkward. People
didn't know where to look.

This is a twist.

Usually you're the one
getting called into H.R.

Yeah, now it's Amy.

Who knew you were married
to such a bad girl.

I suppose the signs
were always there.

I mean, she did recently
go to that rave at the mall.

It was a Spencer's Gifts.

There was music
and a strobe light.

If that isn't a rave,
then I don't know what one is.

You don't know
what one is.

Guys, come on,
I think I'm in trouble.

It's no big deal. I used
to get called into H.R.

all the time.
Ms. Davis is great.

Pro tip: if you find
strong women sexy,

do not say it out loud.

(phone chimes)

Oh! She wants to see me, too.

All right, let's get
our story straight:

This is all your fault.


You're probably just gonna
get a slap on the wrist.

Maybe, but do not ask for that,
on the wrist or anywhere else.

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

Thank you both for coming.

President Siebert asked that
I be a part of this conversation

to help us calmly
discuss what went wrong

and how we can
better move forward.

We are not here
to point fingers,

so, Dr. Cooper,
please stop that.

President Siebert,
would you like to start?

(clears throat)
This is all my fault.

I assumed you knew
the Nobel Prize was good

and we wanted to win it,
so that's on me.

Oh, so...

I think what President Siebert
is trying to say is that

this is a setback and we should
adopt a different strategy.

Like maybe you two
keep your traps shut.

"Traps." That's a fun old word.
Where's that been?

I-I'm sorry.
I-I just-- I-I snapped.

Oh, you're sorry!
It's all better then!

Listen up, you have a shot
to win a Nobel Prize,

and you're blowing it.

I think what President Siebert
is trying to say

is that you have a shot
to win a Nobel Prize

and you're blowing it.

Uh, that's exactly
what he said.

Yes, but I said it
in my calming H.R. voice.

The science world is
a small community. People talk.

I'm sure by now everyone knows
about your tantrum.

All right, well,
what can we do?

Let me make this
absolutely clear for you.

You two are done talking.

We're canceling your speaking
engagements and your interviews.

You're gonna lie low
and let us do damage control.

Well, if that's what you want,
that's what we'll do.

You two winning the Nobel Prize
is very important to us,

and not just
to the university.

Dr. Fowler, you would be
only the fourth woman

to win a Nobel Prize in physics.

I don't need
to tell you

just how inspirational
that would be

to a generation of young women.

Uh, yes, of-of course, I know.

So, the next words
out of your mouth

should be on a stage in
Stockholm when you're saying...

(speaks Swedish)

...which is Swedish for,
"Thank you for this honor."

(speaks Swedish)

...which is Swedish for,
"I knew that."

Dr. Cooper...

You want me to shut my trap?
I do.

Hey, check it out.

That looks like the moped
you used to have.

It wasn't a moped.
It was a scooter.

How's that better?

You do not want to walk
into a scooter bar

and ask that question.

Well, does
take me back.

Yeah, the two of us, cruising
around town looking for women.


and looking and looking.

Remember that time
one looked back and said hi?

Oh, yeah.

We drove away
so fast.

Hey, I forget,
why did you sell the scooter?

I finally got my woman.

Then my woman made me sell it.

So apparently,
if we win,

I'll be the fourth woman ever
to win a Nobel in physics.

Wow, that's a big deal.

Yeah, tell me about it.
This morning,

I blew through my antiperspirant
in, like, an hour.

Plus, Sheldon's freaking out
'cause we got in trouble.

Well, I've got him
distracted for a while.

Doesn't he know
how to solve those?

Normally, yes, but I switched
the stickers around, so...

I don't even think
it's possible to solve...

Solved it.

What? No, you didn't.

Not the cube, but the puzzle of
why I couldn't solve the cube.


you switched stickers
two, nine, 32, and 51.

Really? This thing has numbers?

Anything has a number
if you assign it a number,

friend number four.

Top five, not bad.

This is so frustrating.

I can't believe
the university expects us

to just sit back and do nothing.

Sweetie, you just need to relax.
You know what I like to do?

Numb your brain with alcohol
and watch a reality show

where wealthy people pick
fake arguments with each other?

Hey, don't knock it
until you've wasted

a couple hundred hours
of your life.

I'm sorry, but this is,
it's hard for me.

Usually I self-soothe
by doing science,

but now science reminds me
of the Nobel Prize

and the idea that we may not win
one, and that makes me angry,

which makes me want to
self-soothe by doing science,

and on and on and on.

So that's been my today.

Hey, how about a massage?

No, the only person who
touches me is my wife.

And even I have to let him
smell my hand first.

Okay, well,
what about Reiki?

It's like massage
but without touching.

Then what is it?

Well, I place my hands
near your body

and allow
the universal energy field

to manifest
its healing powers.

Okay, I know

it sounds crazy, but it
really works; ask Leonard.

It really does.


Oh, uh, how about a
sensory deprivation tank?

Oh, that's interesting.

It's supposed to be
very calming.

Floating in a warm pool
of liquid

in a dark, soundless space.

Oh, I don't know
how I feel about

being deprived of all my senses.

What are you talking about?
All you ever do is complain

about how things
smell, feel and sound.

Oh, I'm right here.
Why are you shouting?

What do you say?
We could both use a break.

Come on,
I'll do it with you.

Okay, but not
in the same tank.

I already shared a uterus
with my twin sister.

I don't need to go
through that again.

Are your eyes closed?
Yes. What is it? Show me.

Okay, open them.

You bought me
a scooter?!

No, I bought me a scooter!

Then why did you make me
close my eyes?

I wanted to see the expression
on your face

when you saw how happy I was.

Wait, one second.

Won't Bernadette be mad
when she finds out?

She's not gonna. I'm keeping it
here at the university.


My dad kept a secret
at work, too,

but it was his receptionist.

Hey, would you mind
if I ride it sometimes?

Yeah, whenever you want.

(engine starts)

Check it out.

(engine revving)

(chuckles) That there, son,

is 12 horses
of "eye-talian" thunder.

(engine revving)

Have either of you done
sensory deprivation before?


Okay, just a heads up.

People have different
experiences in the tanks.

Uh, some people experience
perfect calm.

Some people sleep.

Some people even reported
having visions.

But if at any time
you feel uncomfortable,

just press the panic button
and say, "Bebe."

(laughs) That's a stupid word.

That's my name.

What do we push if
we feel uncomfortable?

All right, are you ready?

I'm not saying
this is why we came,

but can I close
the lid on him?



Shall we?

(stammers) One second.

Is the pH between
7.2 and 7.8?

Is the water drained
and replaced after each use?


Is the saline level 30%?

Does your filtration system
use ultraviolet light

to kill bacteria?

I don't need to get in.
I'm relaxed already.


What's wrong?

Nothing. I just wanted
to make sure it worked.

Also, I changed my mind.

It's fun to say your name.

Bebe. Bebe.

Bebe. Bebe.

Bebe. Bebe.


Hey, what you got there?

Oh. (stammers)

Just tossing out this old
helmet I don't need.

I thought you were at the park.

We were. The kids
got sleepy.

Great story.
I need to make a phone call.

Howard, why do you
look all guilty?

Like when I catch you deleting
your browser history?

(horn honking)

Never mind.

Hmm, this is nice.

It's sort of like
floating in space.

But better because
my eyeballs haven't frozen.

Ooh, colors.
(relaxing classical music

It's infinite iterations

of the "Nautilus" section
of the Mandelbrot set.


That's some good stuff.
(music stops)

Wow, this is really dark.

There's no difference between
my eyes being open or closed.

Open, closed.

Open, clo--
nope, same thing.

Ooh, pretty.

You winning a Nobel Prize would
be an inspiration to all women.

All women, Amy,
and you're blowing it.

I was gonna be a scientist,
but since you lost,

I'm just gonna give
makeup tutorials on YouTube.

(relaxing classical music

Look all the infinite
Mandelbrot sets.

Here a brot, there a brot,
everywhere a Mandelbrot.

Thanks for letting us down.

I'm gonna marry a dope
and have his dopey children.

You're such a disappointment.
I can't do science.

Way to not go, girl.

Math is too hard.
I am woman, hear me bake.

You're letting us down.

You're letting us down.
You're blowing it.

You're blowing it.

Mm, mm, mm.

Okay, hour's up.
Let's see how they're doing.

Hey, buddy, how you feeling?


Five more minutes?

Hey, Amy. Relaxed?

I'm a failure! I can't do this!

Can someone close her lid?

She's kind of
harshing my mellow.

That tank was amazing.

It was like Disneyland, but
the rides were in 35 dimensions.

And instead of Mickey,
I had my picture taken

with the concept
that time is an illusion.

That's great.
I'm so happy for you.

Uh, yeah, a little
constructive criticism:

You're saying you're happy, but
you're using your mean voice.

Thanks for pointing that out.

Now you got it.

Sheldon, I'm freaking out.

Well, is this still
about the Nobel Prize?

Yes, it's about the Nobel Prize!

And back to the mean voice.

It's just--
it's too much pressure.

You know? It was bad enough
when I was letting us down.

But now, if I don't win, it's
like I'm letting all women down.

Hang on.

What-what are you doing?

I'm googling what to do
when someone's freaking out.


Uh, whoa, it says here

that a walk can be calming.



You still mad?

Are you still a jackass?

Now, now, I asked you first.

I can't believe you were

sneaking around my back
like a child.

(scoffs) I just didn't
want you to worry.

No, you just didn't
want to get caught.

I'm sorry, but you telling me
what I can and can't do

is pretty damn emasculating.


You were about to ride bitch
on a moped with another man.

It's a scooter.

It can go on some highways.

What if you fell?

What if you got hurt?

I don't want to raise
two small children

and one large vegetable.

I'm sorry, but I need to have
something in my life

that reminds me I'm still a man.
You do.

You have a wife and two children
who need their father.

I know that.

Uh, well, you don't act like it.

Why do you want to ride
that stupid thing anyway?

I don't know.

Maybe I just miss the freedom
I had as a younger man.

What freedom?
You lived with your mother.

You had a curfew.

It wasn't a curfew;
it was just a time of night

where if I got home after that,
she would be mad.

You know what?
I'm done talking about this.

Do whatever you want.
I will!

I just want you to ask yourself
if that tiny, ridiculous scooter

is the hill you want to die on.

(engine revving)

Oh, yeah, this feels good.

Born to ride, buddy.

Yeah, watch out, ladies.

All right, well, wish me luck.

You won't need luck.

Yeah, only condoms.

He sees that car, right?

I tried to console her,
but nothing seemed to work.

Okay, when you say
you consoled her,

what exactly
does that mean?

I took a walk, I came back,

she was still upset,
so I came here.

Well, I don't see
what else you could've done.

You know, I know she's unhappy,
but I don't know how to help.

Maybe you can't.

Sometimes people are upset,

and all you can do
is be there for them.

And while I'm there,
what do I do?


Oh, so like what you're doing
right now to help me.

You're up.

Sheldon, maybe you
don't know what to do

because Amy's always
taking care of you.

Of course.

And by calming down,
I've taken away the one thing

that gives her comfort:
caring for me.

That's what you heard?


No, I need to have

an emotional meltdown
so she's forced

to focus on me
and forget about herself.

No. Th-That's not
even close to what--

Uh, you know, actually, that
might be your best move. Yeah.

Amy. Thank goodness
you're home.

I don't know if you can tell,
but I am literally

losing my mind.
You are?

Isn't it obvious? I just used
"literally" figuratively.

Like a crazy person.

What is going on with you?
Are you okay?

No, I am not okay, so I suggest
you start focusing on me

to the exclusion of
your own feelings.

Sheldon, whatever you're doing,

I-I don't have time
for it right now.

I'm sorry.
I know you're upset,

but I don't know
how to make it better.

I don't know
how you can, either.

I mean, I don't know
if anybody can.

I just--

I feel like I'm letting
everybody down.

I'm about to hold you. Would you
like to smell my hand first?

I'm fine.


Thank you.

♪ Soft kitty, warm kitty ♪

♪ Little ball of fur ♪

♪ Happy kitty, sleepy kitty ♪

♪ Purr, purr, purr ♪

That helps.

Shh, I'm singing.

♪ Soft kitty, warm kitty ♪

♪ Little ball of fur... ♪

Raj said you got $800.


On a positive note, the scooter
helped Bert meet a girl.

Oh, that's nice.
What does she do?

She's an E.R. nurse.

Oh, no.

It was a real meet-cute.

She popped his arm
back in the socket,

and when he came to,
they exchanged phone numbers.


(knock on door)

Ms. Davis?

Dr. Fowler, how can I help you?

You were right about this Nobel
Prize being bigger than I am,

and you were right

that, like it or not,
I am a role model.

But you are wrong
to keep me on the sidelines.

I am smart, I'm capable,
and I can make a difference.

Well said.
You make a strong case.

Damn right,
'cause I'm a strong woman

a strong man's deodorant!

Well, how about have a seat?

Maybe you'd like
a glass of water?

You have anything with
a little more kick?

Seriously, Dr. Fowler,
this is human resources.

You're right.

I-I don't know
what I was thinking.

You want ice,
you're out of luck.