The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 10, Episode 24 - The Long Distance Dissonance - full transcript

The gang is concerned when Sheldon's former admirer, Dr. Ramona Nowitzki, resurfaces while Amy is away at Princeton.

Previously on
the big bang theory...

I was offered a summer research
fellowship at Princeton.


A fine institution.

The place where
Albert Einstein taught,

and where Leonard got his phd,

so it may have gone downhill.

And just remember,
I'm proud of you.

And I support you
in all that you do.

Thank you.

That means a lot.

Oh, and one last thing.

If you find yourself
working with a male scientist,

who's as smart as
me, as tall as me,

and has hair like Thor,

well, then, I want you to
step away from the situation

and call me immediately.

How are you settling in?

Pretty well.

Princeton has
a beautiful campus.

Now, I've learned some fun facts
about New Jersey

to help you make small talk.

Would you like to know

the state bird
or the murder rate?

They're both shocking.

Actually, I want to hear
about you.

How are things at home?

Well, I'm a lot less likely
to see an eastern goldfinch

or be murdered,
I'll tell you that.

I miss you.

I miss you, too.

It's so strange, earlier today
i ended a sentence

with a preposition

and you weren't there
to correct my grammar.

I'm sorry you had
to go through that.

In fact,

that's when
i started to really miss you.

You know you just split
an infinitive.

Did I?

Are you gonna teach me a lesson?

I am.

It is naughty to put an adverb

between the word "to"
and the verb stem.

What are you gonna do about it?

I'm going to admonish you.


That's the only kind
of admonishing I do.

? Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ?

? then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... wait! ?

? the earth began to cool ?

? the autotrophs began to drool,
neanderthals developed tools ?

? we built the wall ?
? we built the pyramids ?

? math, science, history,
unraveling the mystery ?

? that all started
with a big bang ?

? bang! ?

how's Sheldon doing
with Amy gone?

Well, the last three nights

I've had to take him
to get a haircut,

to the train store,
and to a walgreens in arcadia

where they still have
the "good ibuprofen."

Now ask me how I'm doing
with Amy gone.

How are you doing with...
Shut up.

If you'd like,
we can help you out.

Oh, that would be great.

I mean, not me,
I've got a wife and child,

but this one posts video of
himself flossing on instagram.

It was a tutorial.

And yes, I'm happy to keep
Sheldon company.

Great. Tonight he wants to
look at ladders at home depot.

Oh, why does he need a ladder?

He doesn't; He just
likes looking at them.

Bring a book.


You may remember Dr. nowitzki,

she's back at Caltech
for her postdoc.


Oh, let me bring
a chair for you.

Oh, thanks.

Dr. nowitzki's
going to tell me

about the work
she did at cern.

And she brought me this
duty-free toblerone.

Oh. I love those.

Let's sit somewhere else.

What just happened?

A stranger just lured Sheldon
away with a candy bar.

Wait, isn't she the grad student
that used to follow him around?

Oh, yeah.

Back before he hit puberty
and grew man parts.

So what do you guys
think that's about?

Knowing Sheldon, nothing.

So, tell me about your
scalar dark energy experiment.

Not 'til you tell me
about your latest paper

on quantum loop theory.

Oh. You must be one of those
dessert before dinner people.


He just made her laugh,
something's wrong.

Do you see the way
she's looking at him?

Yeah. Like Bernadette
used to look at me.

I keep telling you,
close the bathroom door.

Ah, did you see that?

She just touched his hand
and he didn't SWAT it away.

What is happening?

Okay, the simplest explanation
is usually the right one.

Which is?

That ain't Sheldon.

Not only did
they eat together,

Leonard said he
made her laugh.

That's nothing,

Howie said
she touched his hand.

Did he purell?


I cannot believe Leonard

mentioned the toblerone
but left that part out.

Should we call Amy?

I don't know; We shouldn't worry
her if it's nothing.

I guess we could wait till
we have more information

about this girl.

Do you think living with Amy

has somehow stirred up

Sexual appetite?


How can you think that?

Why would you even
put those words together?

All right,
then we agree.

He's not making
any moves,

it's this
Dr. Ramona chick.

Nowitzki. I googled her,
she's pretty cute.

Really? All i
got from Leonard

was the toblerone bar had nuts.

And get this,

I saw an articulating ladder

with dual-leg leveling,
which delivers stability

and adaptability
to uneven terrain.

Sounds like a big night.

Yeah. Raj made the funniest
joke, he said,

"which is the best ladder to use
to hang myself?"


So you're keeping busy?
You're not lonely?

Oh, not at all.

I've had outings with Leonard
and raj in the evening,

and-- oh, I had lunch
with Dr. nowitzki.

Who's he?

Oh, Dr. nowitzki is a woman.

Oh. Really?

Uh, when did you meet her?

Many years ago.

Back when she was
a grad student.

She's always been
a huge fan of my work,

and now she's doing
research at Caltech.

Huge fan, you say?

Yes. I think you'd like her.

She's extremely intelligent,
just like you.

Unlike you,
she's tall, blonde

and used to be
an olympic swimmer.

That's terrific.
I'll call you right back.

(skype rings)

Oh, hey, Amy.

I gave you one job!

Keep an eye on him.

How hard is that?

We thought you meant

not letting him
run out into traffic.

Which he only did once.


Why didn't you tell me?

We didn't want you to worry.

Should I worry?

No. Come on,
it's Sheldon.

Nothing is gonna happen.

That's what you said to me
when I started dating him.

And then five years later,

bingo-bango, something happened.

Yeah, but you're gonna
be back in three months.

You don't get it.

I've been smacking that
ketchup bottle for a long time.

All she's got to do
is tip it over

and point it at her fries.

Well, what do you
want us to do?

I don't know.

Might be the New Jersey talking,

but this nowitzki broad
needs to disappear.

That's ridiculous.

As far as we know,

all that happened is two
scientists had lunch.

Yeah, but one of
those scientists

is a tall,
blonde olympic swimmer.

Come on. Looks don't matter
to Sheldon.

Because he only
has eyes for you.

Nice try.

I was scrambling.

It's unbelievable.

Sheldon has lunch
with another woman

and somehow my wife
yells at me.

Penny laid into me, too.

Apparently, I'm overly fixated
on premium Swiss chocolate bars.

Can you even eat those things?

If I take a lactaid
a half-hour before

and some pepto right after.

Sounds like a lot of work.

Yeah. Eh, I'm worth it.

Guys. Focus.

Should we do something
about nowitzki?

Like what?

Uh, well, she's single,

so if somebody else asks her out
and she says yes,

then we know
she's not into Sheldon.

I'll do it.

No offense, Stuart,

but th-th-the
woman's a doctor.

So? Doctors like me.

Whenever I see mine he calls in

a bunch of other
doctors to have a look.

She's not that
kind of doctor.


Well, her loss.

I've been called
a genuine medical oddity.

Actually, I was
going to suggest me.

Great. Anybody's
better than, mmm.

Excuse me.

They took out my spleen
and gallbladder,

not my feelings.

(Clears throat)

Dr. nowitzki.

Good to see you.
Good to see you, too.

May I join you?


Good to see you.

We should call guinness,
that might be a record.

She's clearly having
a working lunch

and preferred to eat alone.

Dr. Cooper, over here.

I could have made her
very happy.

You kept walking.
I think you did.

Do you really think
there's reason to worry?

Yeah, she's definitely
going after Sheldon.

I made a play for her
and she shot me down.

All right, well,
that doesn't prove anything.

Yeah, there's a million reasons
a woman would shoot raj down.

Like, really, a million?

Fine, hundreds.

Thank you.

The point is
this could be nothing

and we are all overreacting.

Hey, everybody.

This is my friend,

Dr. nowitzki.


We just went swimming.

And you actually
got in a pool?

I was scared,

but I told myself it's
just a big bathtub.

Then I got scared again
'cause there are

all these strangers
in my bathtub.

I was proud of him--
a lot of people

don't put their face in
the water on the first day.

Well, I was hiding from a
bee, but it still counts.

Can I just squeeze in here?

So, Sheldon, have
you talked to Amy?

Yes, we skyped this morning

and I'm sure I'll check in
with her before I go to sleep.

Sheldon talks about her

all the time.
I can't wait to meet her.

That is true.

She keeps asking how long
Amy's going to be gone.

Uh, so, Ramona,
tell us about yourself.

Do you, do you
have a boyfriend?

Leonard, your wife
is sitting right here.

What are you doing?

No, my work doesn't leave me a
lot of time for relationships.

I think you made that
very clear.

She was part of the
American team at cern.

I had a front row seat when
they detected the higgs boson.

Do you know,

I've corresponded
with Peter higgs.

Would you like to see
some of his letters?

I'll get them.

Well, hang on,
I'll come with you.

Oh, fun.

Like a play date.

(Door closes)

Okay, correct me if I'm wrong,
but isn't that exactly

what we were supposed to stop
from happening?

I threw my body at them,

what else did you want me to do?

You think you should call Amy?

You got fingers and a mouth,
you call her.

Here you go.

Are these all
from Peter higgs?

Hmm? Oh, no, no, no.

They're from many
famous people.

See? Oh, like this one.

This is from
Patrick Stewart.

It says if I come
to his house again,

I get to meet his dogs.

(skype rings)

Oh, excuse me.

Hello, Sheldon.
Oh, hello, Amy.

I was missing you again.

I miss you, too.

Hey, this is good timing.

Remember that Dr. nowitzki
i told you about?

She's right here.

Sh-she's what?



So nice to meet you.


(Phone rings)

Hang on.


A little late, Leonard.

I'm sorry.

What is Leonard doing
calling you at this hour?

It's not important.

I must tell you, that seems
a little inappropriate.

Don't you agree?

I do.


We both think so.

All right, this
is making me crazy.

Somebody's got
to go over there.

You got feet and legs,
you do it.

Will you with me?

To do what?
Shake a can of nickels at them?

We're being ridiculous.

There's no way a woman
that attractive

is trying to seduce
Sheldon Cooper.

You done trying to make
yourself feel better?

No. I haven't played
the race card yet.

Hey, I hate to
break up the party,

but Amy says I'm tired
and have to go to bed.

It was nice
seeing everybody.

Thank you for dinner.

Our pleasure.


Walk me to my car?

Of course.

We'll all go.

Excuse me.

Pardon. I just need to... yeah.

That was fun.

It was like Mario kart.


We need to talk.

Wh-- is this about
Leonard and Amy?

I don't like it either.

Okay, I know you don't have a
lot of experience with women,

but Ramona seems to have

a romantic interest in you.

That doesn't make any sense.

She knows I have a girlfriend.

Well, sometimes women
don't care.

Sometimes it makes them
want a guy even more.

That may be true,

but Dr. nowitzki's
just a friend.

In fact, I wouldn't have
even noticed she's a woman

if she hadn't worn that bathing
suit that highlighted her bosom.

Okay. Um... (Clears throat)
...Let's try this.

Think of yourself
as one of those

limited edition toys
people like to collect.

I already do.

Well, then you get it.

Because there's
only one of me,

I'm more valuable.


Although, Amy's
already taken me

out of my package
and played with me.

Let's forget the toy thing,

Um, maybe...
Penny, look. I
appreciate your concern,

but I don't think
that's what's happening.

All right. What do
you think is happening?

I think Dr. nowitzki is
a friendly colleague.

I think you and Leonard need
to see a marriage counselor.

And I need to
update my r?sum?

to include swimming
as a special skill.

Don't look at me
like that, I tried.

(Knocking at door)

Hey, did you eat yet?

Uh, breakfast yes, lunch no.

I did have a cough drop,

but that really rides the
line between sucking and eating.

Well, perfect.
I made us sandwiches.

How thoughtful.

Thank you.

Mmm. No big deal,

I enjoy spending time with you.

And I with you.


Are you seeking a romantic
relationship with me?

What if I were?

Well, that would raise
a number of problems.

We're colleagues.

I'm currently
in a relation...

Excuse me a moment.

(Seat belt bell chimes)



(Knocks again)

(Knocks again)

Will you marry me?