The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 3, Episode 11 - Convicts-at-Large - full transcript
Barney and Floyd are held hostage in a cabin by three escaped women convicts.
Starring Andy Griffith...
With Ronny Howard...
Also starring Don knotts.
When do we rest, huh?
Can't we just stop for a minute?
No. Let's keep going.
Maybe we'll find a lean-to
or an abandoned shack
we can use for a hideout.
You listen to big maude.
Come on.
These women are not armed,
but can be dangerous.
The leader is big maude Tyler...
"5'6" tall, dark hair,
weight... 175 pounds.
Known as "big maude Tyler",
"Clarice Tyler",
"maude Clarice Tyler",
"Annabelle Tyler",
and "Ralph Henderson."
With her is Naomi Connors,
5'4", 115 pounds, slender...
Barney would be
off fishing today...
...known as "Naomi Connors"
or "Jaylene Naomi Connors"...
Floyd, why didn't you
put gas in this car?
If you're gonna drive
through the country,
you're supposed to make sure
the tank is filled.
Taking the shortcut
was yo idea, Barney.
Taking the shortcut is how
we got lost and used
all the gas and everything.
I didn't want to take
the shortcut.
All right,
what are we gonna do now?
You shouldn't have taken
the shortcut.
All right... all right...
I wouldn't have
listened to myself.
"A shortcut would only
lead us to trouble,"
I said to myself.
No, I wouldn't have
listened to myself, no...
Floyd?
Uh
Shut up.
Now, just a min...!
Shut up!
Huh.
Well, that insulting
attitude of yours
isn't getting us anywhere.
Let's get some gas!
That's exactly
what I had in mind.
Maybe we'll find a farmhouse
and we can borrow some gas.
How come you're
putting on your uniform?
In case we decide to hitchhike.
Oh.
In civvies,
I'm a little hard-looking.
Hey! This is
the O'Malley place.
I thought he was in Detroit.
Mmm...
Maybe he rented
the place to somebody.
O'Malley
he don't need the money.
He's a wealthy man, you know.
O'Malley has money?
Oh, yeah.
I didn't know that.
Oh, yeah.
His wife's father was Jensen.
"Jensen orthopedic loafers."
You don't say.
Gee, I didn't know that.
Funny the things
you don't know, huh?
Eh, he cleaned up.
Yeah. A lot of bad feet
in this country.
The old man knew
where the money was.
Feet.
Daddy, you are so right.
Hey, maude, we got company.
One of them's a cop.
O'Malley?
Charlie!
You shouldn't call a rich man
by his first name.
The bigger they are,
the nicer they are.
Hey, Chuck!
It's me, Barney Fife!
They're not looking for us.
What'll we do?
I'll handle it.
Get over there against the wall
out of sight.
I hope she knows
what she's doing.
Don't worry.
Maude's a very clever woman.
She'll think of
something brilliant.
Just watch.
There's nobody here!
That wasn't
Mr. O'Malley.
Well, what difference
does it make?
Ma'am, I'm deputy sheriff
Barney Fife of Mayberry.
We'd just like to borrow
some of Mr. O'Malley's gas
for our car.
Now what?
Relax.
I'll do the talking.
Come on in, fellas.
Oh, thank you!
We didn't know anybody was home!
We thought O'Malley
was in Detroit.
He, uh, loaned the cabin to us.
Oh, that's nice.
What uniform is that
you're wearing?
We're, uh,
girl campers of America.
Yeah...
Troop leaders on an outin'.
Oh, how nice for you.
They're cons!
Get going! Get help!
Get help! Go!
A cop with an empty gun.
He's only allowed one bullet,
and only allowed put that bullet
in the gun in an emergency.
Floyd, so help me...
All right, slim,
where's the bullet?
In his left shirt pocket.
Floyd!
Well, this is an emergency!
You dumbbell.
Over on the sofa.
What are we gonna do
with them, maude?
I don't know yet.
The cop is kind of cute.
Cut that out!
He's-he's spoken for.
He reminds me of Al
at the old cascade
club in Toledo...
That same dumb face...
The weak chin...
And round shoulders.
Oh, how I loved that man.
I thought Al squealed on you
and sent you up.
Rat!
I'm not Al!
Going some place, four
oh, no, I was just
checking my time here.
If the deputy doesn't get
back to courthouse by 4:30,
they're gonna start
looking for him.
Well...
We can take care
of that right now.
Al... he'll make a phone call
and straighten things out.
Right, Al?
I'm not Al.
My name is Barney.
Make the call.
Just say you're up here
with O'Malley
and he's asked you
to stay the night.
Suppose I refuse?
Better phone him, Al.
Hello, Sarah?
This is Barney Fife.
I wanted to call the courthouse.
Hello?
Oh, howdy, Barn.
What you doing back in town
so soon?
Where are you, over at Floyd's?
Uh, no. Actually, I'm not, Andy.
I'm over at O'Malley's.
Uh, he asked me
to stay the night.
Uh, me and Floyd
were kind of tired,
and, uh, so, he asked us
to stay the night, uh...
O-O-O'Malley did.
O'Malley?
I thought he was in Detroit.
Last time I saw him,
he said he was going up there.
Uh... uh...
How 'bout that?
No. No, Andy.
Uh, he's right here
with me and Floyd!
He asked us to...
To stay the night, O'Malley did.
Well, there's no need
to hurry back.
I'll check the doorknobs for you
on the stores.
Oh-oh, Barn... one thing...
We're supposed
to keep our eyes open
for three escaped convicts
from the state prison...
Three women.
But ain't no use to hurry.
Have a good time,
and I'll see you later.
Andy!
Onvicts-cay are...
Trying to pull something
on big maude, eh?
Well, lucky for you
the sheriff had already hung up.
By rights, I ought to let Naomi
curl your hair with this heater.
Can I, maude
I hate men.
She's a convicted
husband-beater.
Better watch it, Al.
Will you stop calling me Al?
You want to fight?
I beg your pardon?
Let's fight.
Come on, bare knucks.
Come on, what do you say, huh?
Come on, on your feet.
Come on!
Up, up, up.
Wait... wait...
My glas...!
My glasses.
Ah... tsst.
This is worse
than being in stir.
When are we going
to get out of here?
Relax.
Oh, I'm bored stiff.
Well, we can't move
till the heat's off.
Put on some music.
Oh...
All right.
Oh, that old cascade
club in Toledo.
Come on, Al, honey,
like we used to.
What?
Dance with me.
I don't want to dance.
Come on, Al, honey.
Just one little dance
for old time's sake.
No!
If Sally wants to dance,
you dance.
Well, let me lead.
You sure you don't want
to fight?
What are you doing?
I'm doing the dip.
If we're gonna dance,
let's do it right.
Don't hold me so tight.
I want to play something
dreamier.
Barney...
You're a good dancer.
Very light on your feet.
You rat!
You men! You rat, you!
Turn that racket off.
What's wrong?
Naomi and her husband...
That was their song.
All right, let's do it again
and get it right, or else.
Uh, one pound of sugar,
two pounds of coffee,
four dozen eggs,
four loaves of bread,
and ketchup and fruit
and four pounds of hamburger.
And...?
Um...
Well, uh...
And... and...
Come on, Floyd.
If I try any funny business,
you'll let Al have it.
All right.
Get going.
Sally, remember, the
minute you get to town,
keep your eye on
him every second.
Why can't Naomi go?
I want to stay here
and dance with Al.
Never mind. Get going.
Aca-baca.
Oh, get out.
Floyd!
Hey, Floyd!
Wait up a second.
Don't forget your buddy Al.
Oh, everything's fine, Andy.
Yes, we're having a swell time.
Wish you were there.
Al is fine, too.
I better be going.
Wait a minute, Floyd.
Seemed like we picked up
in the middle of a conversation
we ain't even started yet.
Yes, well, I better,
better be getting back.
Uh, uh...
Oh, you devils.
You devils.
Oh, no, no, nothing
like that at all.
You son of a gun.
O'Malley's having
a little party up there, huh?
You devils.
Just a party.
Yes.
Me, O'Malley and Al.
Who's Al?
Well, Al, he dances with Sally.
Oh, I see.
Seem like you're having
a good time.
I wished I wasn't on duty.
I'd like to join you.
Oh, no, nothing like that.
If you do that,
it's "good-bye, Al."
Oh, I see.
Eight's company
and nine's a crowd, huh?
That's good, yeah.
Well, everything's fine.
I'm off. Good-bye.
Hi, Andy.
Oh, howdy, Mr. O'Malley.
Mr. O'Malley?
Yeah, one and the same.
I thought you was
out at your cabin.
Is the heat getting you, Andy?
I told you two weeks ago
I was going to Detroit.
Why
well, something sure
is fishy somewhere.
Oh?
You mind if I drive you
out to your place?
Why, no, no.
That's mighty nice of you.
Aw, come on, put
up your Dukes. Come on.
No!
Aw, you're no fun.
Oh, leave him be, Naomi.
The copper doesn't
want to fight.
Here. Hold the
heater on him.
I feel like dancing.
For Pete's sake.
I've danced till
I'm blue in the face.
Oh, come on.
No!
We're home.
Any hitches?
Nope. Charlie chase here
talked to the sheriff,
but he was a good boy.
Good. I'm starving.
Let's eat.
Sally, get some water.
Naomi, you cook.
Four-eyes, over here
on the sofa.
You making 'em all rare?
Wait a minute.
Al, honey, Naomi's
making them all rare.
As I remember,
you used to like
your burgers hard.
No. Medium rare.
I distinctly remember
you always asked for...
You've changed.
Naomi...
Medium rare.
You certainly have changed.
If you want something
done right,
do it yourself.
Naomi, you're a strange woman.
Oh, for the love of...
Naomi!
The hamburgers are burning.
Sally, see what's keeping her.
Hurry it up!
Get that smoke out of there.
Oh, yes.
Andy, what are you do...?
♪ And what are you doing
in here? ♪
Get the big one to come outside.
♪ How?
I don't know.
What's going on in there?
I'm getting the old smoke out.
You get in there
with your friend.
Uh, say, why don't
you and I go out
and get some water?
Got enough people
getting water already.
You want to get some fresh air?
Just had some.
Say, uh, I have an idea.
Let's you and me dance.
You kidding?
No, I'm not.
What made you change your mind?
You're beginning to get to me.
All right, doll.
Uh, now, now, you
just got to relax.
Just, just flow with me.
Let me guide you
into the land of
rhythm and pleasure.
Cheek to cheek now.
Why'd you open the door?
Uh, I-I can't stand
crowded ballrooms.
You're a treasure.
Grab her, Barn.
You rat!
You dirty rat!
Hold it.
You're my prisoner.
I got her under control, Andy.
Okay.
You just settle down, sister.
Boy, things got
a little rough there
for a minute, huh, Barn?
Well, no.
I was just biding my time,
waiting for an opening.
I don't know why
I even bothered to show up.
Oh, no, Andy,
don't underestimate
your contribution.
You're all right.
Appreciate that.
Maude, Al,
if those hamburgers are ruined,
I won't be responsible.
You know, Andy?
What?
It's just amazin' how little
civilians know
about what to do
in a dangerous situation.
What are you talking about?
Oh, take that business
out at O'Malley's cabin.
There I was operatin'
just as cool and collected
in the face of danger...
And grave danger.
Oh, yeah, it was grave,
all right.
And there was Floyd just
completely helpless and useless.
Yeah, he wasn't
much help, was he?
Not a bit.
Of course, you can't
blame him too much.
I mean, I'm trained for that
kind of a desperate situation.
You know, years of training
and police know-how,
applied criminology,
but Floyd... all he's trained for
is how to cut hair.
I wonder if he appreciates
how lucky he was
having you with him
all during it all.
It don't really matter.
I had a job to do... I did it.
For cryin' out loud!
What's the matter?
With Ronny Howard...
Also starring Don knotts.
When do we rest, huh?
Can't we just stop for a minute?
No. Let's keep going.
Maybe we'll find a lean-to
or an abandoned shack
we can use for a hideout.
You listen to big maude.
Come on.
These women are not armed,
but can be dangerous.
The leader is big maude Tyler...
"5'6" tall, dark hair,
weight... 175 pounds.
Known as "big maude Tyler",
"Clarice Tyler",
"maude Clarice Tyler",
"Annabelle Tyler",
and "Ralph Henderson."
With her is Naomi Connors,
5'4", 115 pounds, slender...
Barney would be
off fishing today...
...known as "Naomi Connors"
or "Jaylene Naomi Connors"...
Floyd, why didn't you
put gas in this car?
If you're gonna drive
through the country,
you're supposed to make sure
the tank is filled.
Taking the shortcut
was yo idea, Barney.
Taking the shortcut is how
we got lost and used
all the gas and everything.
I didn't want to take
the shortcut.
All right,
what are we gonna do now?
You shouldn't have taken
the shortcut.
All right... all right...
I wouldn't have
listened to myself.
"A shortcut would only
lead us to trouble,"
I said to myself.
No, I wouldn't have
listened to myself, no...
Floyd?
Uh
Shut up.
Now, just a min...!
Shut up!
Huh.
Well, that insulting
attitude of yours
isn't getting us anywhere.
Let's get some gas!
That's exactly
what I had in mind.
Maybe we'll find a farmhouse
and we can borrow some gas.
How come you're
putting on your uniform?
In case we decide to hitchhike.
Oh.
In civvies,
I'm a little hard-looking.
Hey! This is
the O'Malley place.
I thought he was in Detroit.
Mmm...
Maybe he rented
the place to somebody.
O'Malley
he don't need the money.
He's a wealthy man, you know.
O'Malley has money?
Oh, yeah.
I didn't know that.
Oh, yeah.
His wife's father was Jensen.
"Jensen orthopedic loafers."
You don't say.
Gee, I didn't know that.
Funny the things
you don't know, huh?
Eh, he cleaned up.
Yeah. A lot of bad feet
in this country.
The old man knew
where the money was.
Feet.
Daddy, you are so right.
Hey, maude, we got company.
One of them's a cop.
O'Malley?
Charlie!
You shouldn't call a rich man
by his first name.
The bigger they are,
the nicer they are.
Hey, Chuck!
It's me, Barney Fife!
They're not looking for us.
What'll we do?
I'll handle it.
Get over there against the wall
out of sight.
I hope she knows
what she's doing.
Don't worry.
Maude's a very clever woman.
She'll think of
something brilliant.
Just watch.
There's nobody here!
That wasn't
Mr. O'Malley.
Well, what difference
does it make?
Ma'am, I'm deputy sheriff
Barney Fife of Mayberry.
We'd just like to borrow
some of Mr. O'Malley's gas
for our car.
Now what?
Relax.
I'll do the talking.
Come on in, fellas.
Oh, thank you!
We didn't know anybody was home!
We thought O'Malley
was in Detroit.
He, uh, loaned the cabin to us.
Oh, that's nice.
What uniform is that
you're wearing?
We're, uh,
girl campers of America.
Yeah...
Troop leaders on an outin'.
Oh, how nice for you.
They're cons!
Get going! Get help!
Get help! Go!
A cop with an empty gun.
He's only allowed one bullet,
and only allowed put that bullet
in the gun in an emergency.
Floyd, so help me...
All right, slim,
where's the bullet?
In his left shirt pocket.
Floyd!
Well, this is an emergency!
You dumbbell.
Over on the sofa.
What are we gonna do
with them, maude?
I don't know yet.
The cop is kind of cute.
Cut that out!
He's-he's spoken for.
He reminds me of Al
at the old cascade
club in Toledo...
That same dumb face...
The weak chin...
And round shoulders.
Oh, how I loved that man.
I thought Al squealed on you
and sent you up.
Rat!
I'm not Al!
Going some place, four
oh, no, I was just
checking my time here.
If the deputy doesn't get
back to courthouse by 4:30,
they're gonna start
looking for him.
Well...
We can take care
of that right now.
Al... he'll make a phone call
and straighten things out.
Right, Al?
I'm not Al.
My name is Barney.
Make the call.
Just say you're up here
with O'Malley
and he's asked you
to stay the night.
Suppose I refuse?
Better phone him, Al.
Hello, Sarah?
This is Barney Fife.
I wanted to call the courthouse.
Hello?
Oh, howdy, Barn.
What you doing back in town
so soon?
Where are you, over at Floyd's?
Uh, no. Actually, I'm not, Andy.
I'm over at O'Malley's.
Uh, he asked me
to stay the night.
Uh, me and Floyd
were kind of tired,
and, uh, so, he asked us
to stay the night, uh...
O-O-O'Malley did.
O'Malley?
I thought he was in Detroit.
Last time I saw him,
he said he was going up there.
Uh... uh...
How 'bout that?
No. No, Andy.
Uh, he's right here
with me and Floyd!
He asked us to...
To stay the night, O'Malley did.
Well, there's no need
to hurry back.
I'll check the doorknobs for you
on the stores.
Oh-oh, Barn... one thing...
We're supposed
to keep our eyes open
for three escaped convicts
from the state prison...
Three women.
But ain't no use to hurry.
Have a good time,
and I'll see you later.
Andy!
Onvicts-cay are...
Trying to pull something
on big maude, eh?
Well, lucky for you
the sheriff had already hung up.
By rights, I ought to let Naomi
curl your hair with this heater.
Can I, maude
I hate men.
She's a convicted
husband-beater.
Better watch it, Al.
Will you stop calling me Al?
You want to fight?
I beg your pardon?
Let's fight.
Come on, bare knucks.
Come on, what do you say, huh?
Come on, on your feet.
Come on!
Up, up, up.
Wait... wait...
My glas...!
My glasses.
Ah... tsst.
This is worse
than being in stir.
When are we going
to get out of here?
Relax.
Oh, I'm bored stiff.
Well, we can't move
till the heat's off.
Put on some music.
Oh...
All right.
Oh, that old cascade
club in Toledo.
Come on, Al, honey,
like we used to.
What?
Dance with me.
I don't want to dance.
Come on, Al, honey.
Just one little dance
for old time's sake.
No!
If Sally wants to dance,
you dance.
Well, let me lead.
You sure you don't want
to fight?
What are you doing?
I'm doing the dip.
If we're gonna dance,
let's do it right.
Don't hold me so tight.
I want to play something
dreamier.
Barney...
You're a good dancer.
Very light on your feet.
You rat!
You men! You rat, you!
Turn that racket off.
What's wrong?
Naomi and her husband...
That was their song.
All right, let's do it again
and get it right, or else.
Uh, one pound of sugar,
two pounds of coffee,
four dozen eggs,
four loaves of bread,
and ketchup and fruit
and four pounds of hamburger.
And...?
Um...
Well, uh...
And... and...
Come on, Floyd.
If I try any funny business,
you'll let Al have it.
All right.
Get going.
Sally, remember, the
minute you get to town,
keep your eye on
him every second.
Why can't Naomi go?
I want to stay here
and dance with Al.
Never mind. Get going.
Aca-baca.
Oh, get out.
Floyd!
Hey, Floyd!
Wait up a second.
Don't forget your buddy Al.
Oh, everything's fine, Andy.
Yes, we're having a swell time.
Wish you were there.
Al is fine, too.
I better be going.
Wait a minute, Floyd.
Seemed like we picked up
in the middle of a conversation
we ain't even started yet.
Yes, well, I better,
better be getting back.
Uh, uh...
Oh, you devils.
You devils.
Oh, no, no, nothing
like that at all.
You son of a gun.
O'Malley's having
a little party up there, huh?
You devils.
Just a party.
Yes.
Me, O'Malley and Al.
Who's Al?
Well, Al, he dances with Sally.
Oh, I see.
Seem like you're having
a good time.
I wished I wasn't on duty.
I'd like to join you.
Oh, no, nothing like that.
If you do that,
it's "good-bye, Al."
Oh, I see.
Eight's company
and nine's a crowd, huh?
That's good, yeah.
Well, everything's fine.
I'm off. Good-bye.
Hi, Andy.
Oh, howdy, Mr. O'Malley.
Mr. O'Malley?
Yeah, one and the same.
I thought you was
out at your cabin.
Is the heat getting you, Andy?
I told you two weeks ago
I was going to Detroit.
Why
well, something sure
is fishy somewhere.
Oh?
You mind if I drive you
out to your place?
Why, no, no.
That's mighty nice of you.
Aw, come on, put
up your Dukes. Come on.
No!
Aw, you're no fun.
Oh, leave him be, Naomi.
The copper doesn't
want to fight.
Here. Hold the
heater on him.
I feel like dancing.
For Pete's sake.
I've danced till
I'm blue in the face.
Oh, come on.
No!
We're home.
Any hitches?
Nope. Charlie chase here
talked to the sheriff,
but he was a good boy.
Good. I'm starving.
Let's eat.
Sally, get some water.
Naomi, you cook.
Four-eyes, over here
on the sofa.
You making 'em all rare?
Wait a minute.
Al, honey, Naomi's
making them all rare.
As I remember,
you used to like
your burgers hard.
No. Medium rare.
I distinctly remember
you always asked for...
You've changed.
Naomi...
Medium rare.
You certainly have changed.
If you want something
done right,
do it yourself.
Naomi, you're a strange woman.
Oh, for the love of...
Naomi!
The hamburgers are burning.
Sally, see what's keeping her.
Hurry it up!
Get that smoke out of there.
Oh, yes.
Andy, what are you do...?
♪ And what are you doing
in here? ♪
Get the big one to come outside.
♪ How?
I don't know.
What's going on in there?
I'm getting the old smoke out.
You get in there
with your friend.
Uh, say, why don't
you and I go out
and get some water?
Got enough people
getting water already.
You want to get some fresh air?
Just had some.
Say, uh, I have an idea.
Let's you and me dance.
You kidding?
No, I'm not.
What made you change your mind?
You're beginning to get to me.
All right, doll.
Uh, now, now, you
just got to relax.
Just, just flow with me.
Let me guide you
into the land of
rhythm and pleasure.
Cheek to cheek now.
Why'd you open the door?
Uh, I-I can't stand
crowded ballrooms.
You're a treasure.
Grab her, Barn.
You rat!
You dirty rat!
Hold it.
You're my prisoner.
I got her under control, Andy.
Okay.
You just settle down, sister.
Boy, things got
a little rough there
for a minute, huh, Barn?
Well, no.
I was just biding my time,
waiting for an opening.
I don't know why
I even bothered to show up.
Oh, no, Andy,
don't underestimate
your contribution.
You're all right.
Appreciate that.
Maude, Al,
if those hamburgers are ruined,
I won't be responsible.
You know, Andy?
What?
It's just amazin' how little
civilians know
about what to do
in a dangerous situation.
What are you talking about?
Oh, take that business
out at O'Malley's cabin.
There I was operatin'
just as cool and collected
in the face of danger...
And grave danger.
Oh, yeah, it was grave,
all right.
And there was Floyd just
completely helpless and useless.
Yeah, he wasn't
much help, was he?
Not a bit.
Of course, you can't
blame him too much.
I mean, I'm trained for that
kind of a desperate situation.
You know, years of training
and police know-how,
applied criminology,
but Floyd... all he's trained for
is how to cut hair.
I wonder if he appreciates
how lucky he was
having you with him
all during it all.
It don't really matter.
I had a job to do... I did it.
For cryin' out loud!
What's the matter?