Ted Lasso (2020–…): Season 3, Episode 6 - Sunflowers - full transcript
A friendly match takes the team to Amsterdam, where one night out unlocks truths for many.
[crowd cheering]
[announcer speaking Dutch]
[announcer continues
speaking Dutch]
[sighs] Man, we can't even get
a goal for an exhibition match.
Friendly.
Ain't nothing friendly about
what happened out here.
They call exhibition
matches friendlies.
Man, this sport drives me nuts.
Ah, Rebecca. My apologies.
Now, you've come all the way to Amsterdam,
and we at Ajax have been such rude hosts.
[Rebecca] Marjolein, you've
been more than gracious.
- Oh. Mmm.
- Especially given the circumstances.
- [crowd booing]
- [chuckles]
[whistle blows]
- There we are.
- [crowd cheers]
["Three Little Birds" playing]
Till next time.
Oh, thank you.
Truly was an honor to play
here at the Johan Croyff Arena.
Oh, no. The honor is ours completely.
But it is pronounced Johan Cruijff.
Oh. Still.
["Three Little Birds"
continues playing]
God, this song's depressing.
[gags]
[reporter, in Dutch]
Would you agree that
this has been an extremely
demoralizing result?
But, luckily our spirits
were already broken.
[reporter, in English]
Y-Yeah. A-And so, Roy Kent,
don't you think Richmond's
objectively poor performance is, uh,
due to the fact that you're
nothing without Zava?
Who cares? It's a fucking friendly.
A friendly is a pretend match.
This is a pretend conversation.
You're a pretend person
with a pretend job.
And I'm having a really hard
time pretending to give a shit.
Wow.
Right. Um... Jan...
- [gasps] Hi. Oh, thanks. [chuckles]
- [Will] Hi. Love the pink.
[Jan speaking Dutch]
Okay... [sighs] a night
out in Amsterdam it is.
Let's make the best of
it. What's the plan?
Ooh, I'm spoken for, I'm afraid.
It's my first time in Amsterdam,
and I have a date with someone
special in the red-light district.
- [chuckles]
- [reporter speaking Dutch]
[both] Nah.
- Just you and me then, kid.
- [chuckles] I'd love to...
- Oh. That's a quick cancellation.
- How'd you know I was gonna cancel?
Because there's a certain
note in your vocal range
that you only ever hit when you're
being preemptively apologetic.
- Come on. Out with it.
- All right.
- Apparently...
- Mmm.
Tonight is the best
aurora borealis ever.
Like, it's the aurora
"boreal-iest." In Norway.
And Jack and her plane are waiting
for me at the airport right now.
Subtle.
- [chuckles]
- [Jan speaks indistinctly]
- And amazing.
- [chuckles]
Go.
- I promise I'll make it up to you.
- Yes, you will.
[gasps] Oh! Great job, Jan.
Oh. [speaks Dutch]
And, Roy, thank you
again for doing this.
Oh, yeah. Anytime.
- I love you.
- I love you.
[shutter clicks]
[speaking indistinctly]
- Where's she going?
- Somewhere that believes they deserve her.
- [muttering]
- [team chattering]
- Ah, hey, there he is.
- [grumbles]
- [chuckles] Someone's in a mood.
- Yeah.
- Wait. Mmm.
- Actually...
Mm-mmm. What do you think?
Think only you can get these guys
out of their pineapple percussions.
- Doldrums. Nice.
- [clicks tongue]
Yeah, I'm gonna say something.
Hey, fellas.
I'm about to say three words no coach
ever says unless he dang well means it.
- "You're all shit."
- No.
- "Knowledge is power"?
- True, but no.
- "Live, laugh, love."
- [imitates buzzer] No.
Correct answer is:
"No curfew tonight."
[all murmuring] What?
That's right.
I don't wanna see
your pretty faces
until we get back on this
bus at what time, Coach?
10:00 a.m., baby!
You heard the man. 10:00 a.m.
[cheering, chuckling]
All right, let's be careful
out there. Hill Street Blues.
Smart move, Coach.
Yeah. Well, you
know, they need it.
Not as bad as you do.
[exclaims] No curfew
in Amsterdam, boys!
Should we all take naps
so we can stay up later?
No. We push through,
and we all meet in the
lobby five o'clock sharp.
Yeah!
Tonight is gonna be
mad, you know! [laughs]
Not for you, Tartt!
- [Jamie] Eh?
- Let's go.
[Jamie] You serious?
You're not on fucking
holiday from training.
[stammers, scoffs]
What about my stuff?
Right.
Throw this away, please.
[Roy] Let's go!
Great. Sick. You have fun.
Gonna see the sights.
Training. Amsterdam.
- Don't actually throw that away, yeah?
- O-Okay.
[Jamie] Hey. Wait up, Coach!
Getting off the coach, Coach.
Run!
- [clamoring]
- [cheering]
This is gonna be so good.
Hey. How about you
roll with me tonight?
That'd be wonderful.
Thank you. [chuckles]
Yeah. Great. Our first stop:
the red-light district.
[inhales deeply, stammers]
[sniffs]
[scatting]
[theme music plays]
Did you know Amsterdam's origins
date back to the 13th century?
[grunts]
That's mad, innit?
Oh, Coach, this way.
[grunts]
[chuckles]
This is the world-famous
Skinny Bridge!
- [laughs]
- [panting] Yeah?
As seen in major motion picture,
James Bond's Diamonds Are Forever.
[pants] Stop with all the fucking
sightseeing shit, you twat.
Right. Next stop,
Amsterdam's thinnest house.
It's gonna blow your mind,
lad. Come on. Get moving, lad.
- Whoo!
- [panting, groans]
- [bicycle bell rings]
- Ooh. Whoa, whoa.
[cell phone buzzes]
Hello.
[Sassy] Stinky, what's wrong?
- [chuckles] Nothing. Why?
- [cyclist speaks Dutch]
- [Sassy] Bullshit!
- Ooh.
I felt warm in my belly,
so there must be a problem.
- [scoffs]
- Out with it.
Sass, you know, you're
actually wrong this time.
- Uh, I am never wrong.
- [bicycle bell rings]
- [exclaiming] Jesus.
- [speaks Dutch]
- [speaks Dutch]
- What are all those bells?
Are you in a casino?
No. [chuckles] I'm actually just out
having a stroll in Amsterdam on my own.
[speaks Dutch]
[in English] Completely unburdened.
I haven't even got my bag with me.
[speaks Dutch]
[Sassy, in English] Oh, right.
Amsterdam. I forgot. Ugh, jealous.
- Well, eat a space cake for me...
- [laughs]
- and call me when you freak out.
- I love you.
[Sassy] Buh-buh-bye.
[person whistles]
[whistles]
- Yeah.
- Yes?
I saw you walking just
there, and I thought,
"I have to say something
to this beautiful woman."
- Right. What... What exactly were you...
- [cyclist 3 shouts]
- [speaks Dutch]
- Oh, my God. Oh, my! Oh! Go... [screams]
[person] Shit.
[screams, gasps]
[blows] Oh, my God!
Are you hurt?
No, no, no. I'm ok... I'm okay.
- [shivers, grunts] It's just very cold.
- Come on.
Sorry, um, did you see
where my phone went?
[chuckles] Who cares?
- You're alive. Come on.
- [grunts]
Yeah. Yes. Okay. It's my
phone, so... [grunting]
[speaks Dutch]
[grunts, in English]
Fair enough.
Come. You need to get warm.
Um, what... What is it
that you wanted to tell me?
[Rebecca breathing heavily]
You're walking on the bike lane.
I mean, how the fuck am
I supposed to know that?
Stupid fucking place.
- [chuckles] Come on.
- [groans]
[Coach Beard] Like, remember when Jordan
wouldn't wear Reebok in the '92 Olympics?
Of course.
[Coach Beard] '74 World Cup,
Cruyff refuses to wear Adidas,
they gotta make him a
special two-striped shirt.
- He was a badass.
- [Ted] Hmm.
[Coach Beard] But he was
also a paragon of the '60s,
so he was bigger
than Jordan, really.
He was like Jordan and
John Lennon combined.
Oh. That's cool.
- You pick a place to eat yet?
- Oh, shoot. No, I forgot.
- [groans]
- On it.
Um. Let's see.
Oh. Hey! This could be good.
Yankee Doodle Burger Barn.
"An authentic American dining experience
with American-sized portions."
You know, I could definitely
go for a little taste of home.
- How's that sound, Coach?
- What's it rated?
- Uh, 2.7.
- [groans]
[stammers] Out of five.
Think we can beat that.
[groans] All right. [stammers]
Mmm.
I don't know what's
going on with me, Coach.
It's like I'm feeling stuck
or something, you know?
I-I need to do something to
help me get me out of my head.
Like get punched
in the face or, uh,
drink a couple of bottles of
red wine and yell at my mom.
[scoffs] You know, just...
I wanna try something new.
Help me get inspired.
I've been waiting for you to say
those words for a very long time.
[toothbrush vibrates]
[players chattering]
We should have took a train
to Paris a long time ago.
Would any of you gentlemen
care for some drinks?
Uh, Leffe Blond.
- I'll have a beer and a shot of te...
- No!
We're about to head
out, but thank you.
No worries.
[Sam] Hmm, okay.
Yeah. That's everyone.
So, what's the plan for
the night then, Captain?
I'm taking all your suggestions.
For me, the best option for a night
in Amsterdam is a train to Paris.
[laughing, muttering]
I told you... I'm gonna say
it again. I am not kidding.
Oh, you know, my... my
father actually suggested
we take a boat tour
through the canal.
- Yeah. Great way to see the city.
- [Bumbercatch] We're near The Hague.
We can go to the International
Court of Justice.
Poke around. Ask some questions.
I would like to see a tulip.
- You mean tulip fields?
- No, no, no. Just one tulip.
An entire field will be
incredibly overwhelming.
[chuckles] W-Wait, wait.
[stammers] Y'all are joking, right?
We-We gotta go to
a live sex show.
Oh, very cultural, Thierry.
Yo, Trent! What should we do?
Ooh. Well, the city has a
wonderful museum culture.
In fact, tonight is what's
known as Museumnacht,
- where they stay open till quite late.
- [team] Mmm.
- [team mumbling]
- Oh.
I didn't come to
Amsterdam to learn things.
- Yeah.
- [murmuring]
- Sorry, Trent.
- Great shot though.
I don't know. The
city does seem lovely,
but maybe it would just be
easier if all of us stayed in
and enjoyed a nice
team movie night.
[laughing]
Sam, come on.
Hey, boys. Have fun tonight.
Higgins. W-Where you going?
Ah. Tonight's the night young
William here becomes a man.
Cheers.
[stammers]
[all] Nah.
Jan Maas, we're on your home
turf. What you got for us?
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah. Good point. Let's go.
Okay, tourists, thank you for getting
all those terrible ideas out of the way.
Now listen, my cousin,
Martin Garrix, is deejaying
- at a private all-night party.
- I guess it's his cousin.
We're talking drinking, dancing
and women into the morning,
which is when they'll be
serving a hearty breakfast.
[cheering, chuckling] Whoo.
Hey, guys, I'm sorry. Sorry.
I think I need to bow out.
Yeah. I ate some pickled herring earlier,
and now my stomach's bothering me.
[players groan]
- You're gonna miss the live sex show, bro.
- You mean the party.
I cannot wait to hear
all the dirty details.
- [Sam laughs]
- Good luck, gents.
- See you later.
- [Colin] All right.
All right, broski.
[Sam] Hydrate!
Right. [sighs] So it seems like this
private party is the obvious answer?
- Yep.
- Okay, great.
We just gotta take the bus to Groningen,
which is only a two-hour drive.
Two hours?
- [Jan] It breezes over.
- Eh. Two.
You will love it.
Hey, hey, hey, amigos. Why
don't we just split up?
- [players chattering]
- [Dani] The tulips with me!
No! Overruled.
We pick one place,
and we go as a team.
Excuse me. I think we're
gonna order them drinks now.
And can you bring me a giant
stack of napkins? Thanks.
Voting time.
- Dude, a sex show is funny.
- We're not going to a sex show.
I really want the tulip experience
that everyone talks about.
Actually surprisingly good
water pressure for a boat.
Hello?
[sighs]
Oh, shit.
[dryer chimes]
Hello?
Hello?
[chuckles]
Mmm. Fuck me.
Right down there's the bench
from Fault in Our Stars!
- [Jamie] The movie!
- [panting, grunting]
- Whoa.
- [cyclist 4] Tourist!
So, red-light
district. [chuckles]
- That's right.
- [chuckles] Cool. Okay. Awesome.
- Is everything all right at home or... Oh.
- Here we are.
[sighs] His name was Chet Baker.
American, gifted trumpeter,
unique singer and a heroin addict.
He was tortured by demons,
but they didn't stop him
from making beautiful music.
He's what got me into jazz
in the first place, you know.
Oh. [mumbles]
Y-You hear his
story and you think,
"There's nothing more
punk rock than that."
[inhales deeply] Then,
on the 13th of May, 1988,
he passed away on
this very spot.
Oh, wow. H-How was it he died?
Uh, he fell from, uh,
that window up there.
- Ah. Mmm.
- But was it an accident?
Did he jump, or
was he pushed? Mmm.
And we're gonna solve that
mystery tonight. [stammers]
No, no. We're just here to
pay our respects to a legend.
What led to his death?
- We don't know, Will.
- Mmm.
- We only know this: drugs are bad.
- Yes.
- No, they are.
- Yeah.
My man, Kenneth the bus driver,
hooked me up a couple of weeks ago.
Wait, so you travel with it?
I thought they had plenty
of that stuff here.
Well, I just don't like
my medicine to be taxed.
[scoffs] I don't know, Coach.
You know, I've always been more of
a beer man or, uh, Sour Patch Kids.
Sour Patch Kids don't form literal
new pathways in your brain.
Picture a sheet of fresh, white
snow covering all the footsteps
of all the paths that
you've trod before,
forcing you... Nay, encouraging
you... to begin anew.
And how's it taste?
Disgusting, so most people put it in
peanut butter and jelly or yogurt.
Uh-huh. And which one we doing?
Neither. We're doing tea.
Oh, come on, man.
Are you kidding me?
That's like hiding poop
inside a smoothie of barf.
[sighs, clears throat] I
don't say this often enough
because I generally think
it's implied, but trust me.
This is how you
change your mind.
[groans]
[inhales deeply]
[inhales deeply]
I can't do it, Coach. I'm sorry.
[slurps, grunts]
Oh, boy.
Did you have any?
[Isaac] Where we at?
- We have nine votes for sex show.
- [cheering]
[groans]
- Nine votes for private party.
- [groaning]
And one vote for tulip.
That leaves us with two. Sex
show versus private party.
And I think someone picked
tulip, yes? But who?
Dani, you wrote it in Spanish.
Someone wrote it
in Spanish, yes.
Look, it doesn't matter what we choose.
This has to be unanimous. Discuss.
Okay, the idea of
seeing a sex show
is one that makes me more
uncomfortable than aroused.
Right? Right.
Which is why I'm still in favor of,
you know, a nice, simple movie night.
- [stammers] But-But-But-But...
- [clamoring]
as I said earlier,
Jan's admittedly inconvenient plan
is an excellent second option.
Yeah? Yes? Okay. Great.
All right. Let's go.
Wh... No, no, no, no. Guys,
guys, guys. Stick with me.
We're two hours away
from... From that party.
But we're only ten minutes away
from watching some sex. Come on.
[murmuring]
Things flying about...
[in Dutch] Can you please tell my friend
that he is being a boring tourist?
[speaks Dutch]
[in English] What is your name?
- Everybody calls me Van Damme.
- [scoffs]
- [players murmuring]
- [speaks Dutch]
Okay, Van Damme, would you prefer to
pay to watch two tired people have sex
or rather go to a party where
perhaps you could get some yourself?
[stammers] They're...
They're tired?
Exhausted.
- [sighs]
- [laughing, cheering]
We can finally start
our night in Amsterdam!
In Groningen, yes!
No, wait, wait, wait. We
need to eat first, right?
- Oh.
- Oh, yes. Definitely.
Um, okay. What do
you want to eat?
- Ramen.
- Shawarma!
No way. We haven't eaten...
We haven't eaten...
Some brownies with marijuana.
Or maybe some Mexican?
[players speak indistinctly]
- Mmm. Oh.
- [knocks]
- Hello?
- [person] It's me. Is it okay to come in?
[stammers] Yeah, of course. Of
course. It's your house... boat.
Hi.
- [sighs]
- You really didn't need to leave.
No, but... [exhales deeply]
taking a shower on a stranger's
boat is uncomfortable enough.
And you shouldn't be worried that he's
watching you through some peephole.
- Peephole?
- Yeah.
- Someone's dated themselves.
- Oh.
Had you down as more of a webcam kind of
guy... Anyway, thank you, nonetheless.
You're bleeding.
- I'm what?
- You're bleeding.
What?
- Oh, God.
- Yeah, don't worry. Take a seat.
- [stammers]
- [groans]
I don't... I don't even
know how that happened.
I was in the military.
I trained for this.
Ooh.
And I don't want
blood on my floor.
[speaks Dutch] Hey? [chuckles]
Yep. [clears throat]
You got strong ankles.
- Uh, yes. I wear a lot of high heels...
- [sighs]
f-for work.
- Mm-hmm.
- All right. There you go.
Ooh.
Oh... [chuckles]
...sorry. Force of habit.
- Oh. It's all that military training.
- [chuckles]
Oh, and the tea was
really lovely. Thank you.
Would it perhaps be more
lovely if we added some brandy?
[sighs] No. No, no.
I'm, uh... I'm just going to
wait till my clothes have dried
and then... and
then I'll pop off.
[inhales deeply] In two
hours and 40 minutes.
Okay. [sighs]
If you don't wanna wait, I can call a
cab for you and your bag of wet clothes,
or I can make dinner. Uh...
[stammers] Well, yes, I
am quite hungry actually.
And... [stammers] ...wet clothes are
rather heavy in a bag, so, um, yes.
Fuck it. That'd be nice.
- Good! Gezellig?
- Yep.
Uh, wait. Uh... [exhales deeply]
Feel free to change
into one of these.
Um...
Should I be concerned that you've got a
giant Tupperware box of women's clothing
- in your floating house?
- [chuckles]
These aren't trophies, are they?
No. [chuckles] It's my former
partner. She was tall, like you.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did she pass away?
Unfortunately, no.
[sighs]
Please help yourself.
I-I... Look, I don't... I don't
really think I can borrow your ex...
Oh. God, this is lovely.
Please, change. We'll eat,
and then you'll go, all right?
[sighs] Mmm, yeah. Yeah. Sure.
And after dinner I can
give you a foot massage.
Absolutely not.
Are you sure? My
technique is sound.
Oh... [stammers] Oh, I'm... I'm
sure it is, but I will pass.
Okay, then. Fine. Uh, stand there
with tired feet, completely sober.
It does not affect me at all.
[clicks tongue]
Fine. Come on, then.
I'll... I'll have a bit.
[licks lips]
Gezellig.
- They put a dam on the river Amstel.
- [panting]
"Amsteldam."
Amsterdam. [chuckles]
It's good, innit?
- Come on.
- Fucking stop for a fucking second!
Please. [breathing
heavily, grunting]
God.
How do you know so
much about here?
It's Amsterdam. How do you not?
Never been here in my life.
- What? Never?
- No.
- Not o-one stag party?
- No.
- Not one international match?
- No.
Not o-one emergency
flight diverted here
because some EasyJet
passenger was being a prick?
- That never happens.
- It does.
It does happen, if you're being
enough of a prick. Which I was.
It just looks like a Disney
version of an old city.
It all looks so fucking fake.
It's not fake.
Come on. Windmills? Fake.
[scoffs] I ain't even from
here, and I'm offended.
[chuckles] Windmills are real,
man. What are you talking about?
Yeah, I'll believe
it when I see it.
We need bikes.
What? No. [grunts]
[people chattering
on television]
- You know, Coach, if you wanna go...
- I'll see you in the morning.
[door opens, closes]
[people chattering]
[sighs]
[exhales sharply]
[synthpop music playing]
[Colin] Hey.
Hi. Can I help you?
Have you got vanilla vodka?
Dear God, no. [chuckles]
[stammers] A beer,
please. Thank you.
- There you go, sweetie.
- Oh, thanks. [stammers]
Hey, can I ask, do
you know who I am?
Can I tell you a secret?
Tonight, you're
whoever you want to be.
- Hmm?
- Yeah.
You should stick around for the
party later on. Thunderdong.
Good vibes, good
place to make friends.
Sounds fun, I'm in.
Trent! Hey.
- Uh. [stammers]
- [glass clanks]
Can I get a drink for my
work acquaintance, please?
Sorry, did you say Thunderdong?
Mm-hmm.
Ah. Oh, I think I'm in the
wrong place. My mistake. Cheers.
Happens all the time.
[sighing] Yeah.
- [Trent] Colin!
- Good to see you, Trent.
Whoa, whoa.
Colin. I already knew.
I've known for months. I
haven't said anything to anyone.
I must have a good reason
for that, mustn't I?
[sighs] Right.
[people on television
speaking Dutch]
[sighs]
[door opens, closes]
["Venus" playing]
[sighs]
Your ex has wonderful taste.
Well, actually,
she hated that one.
Yeah, of course she did.
I bought it for her.
[chuckles]
Hey. Gezellig, right?
[Rebecca] Hmm.
Ooh, that smells wonderful.
It's almost ready.
Would you like a drink?
- I would love one.
- Please, help yourself.
So, uh, should I be worried about some
giant Dutch woman wandering on here
and strangling me for
wearing her clothes?
- No. [chuckles]
- [chuckles]
Things are over between us, and have
been so for some time. So don't worry.
It's all right. I
didn't mean to...
You don't need to tell
me any of the details.
She was unfaithful.
I loved her very much,
so it wrecked me,
and I came dangerously close
to destroying our family on it.
But then, with time,
I realized that this thing didn't happen
to me, it happened for me. You know?
Cheers.
Proost.
- Proost. Prost.
- Proost.
Proust.
["Zij Gelooft in Mij" playing]
Mmm.
Wait, is this some Dutch bloke singing
"She Believes in Me" by Kenny Rogers?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
This Dutch bloke is
the great André Hazes,
and he's singing "Zij
Gelooft in Mij," all right?
Okay. [chuckles]
And yes, the Gambling Man did
it first. But... [shushes]
[singing in Dutch]
[chuckles]
♪ And who knows Maybe
on some special night ♪
If my song is right ♪
- I will find a way ♪
- [singing in Dutch]
[both chuckle]
- [sings indistinctly]
- [both chuckling]
Hmm.
[panting]
Psst.
- The fuck are you doing?
- [shushes] Just be patient.
Bicycle?
Thank you. Uh, two, please.
Oh, I love a
challenge. Hold this.
[cackles] Oh, mate. We've
just made tonight amazing.
I don't wanna ride
around on a fucking bike.
Oh, come on. It'll be fun.
- Voilà. Sixty euros.
- Have a hundred.
Thank you.
- Here.
- Get it away from me.
- Oh, come on.
- No, I don't want it.
Mate, we take the bikes,
we find a windmill.
- No. I said no.
- Why the fuck not?
I don't know how to ride a bike!
[laughing]
No refunds.
[laughs] Fucking hell, Roy. Do you
know how to tie your own laces?
Stop being a dick.
When I went to Sunderland,
my granddad told me he'd teach me how
to ride when I came back for Christmas,
and then he fucking died, and
I haven't been on a bike since.
And now I'm saying
that out loud,
I realize that never learning was
actually a great disrespect to his memory
and now I feel ashamed. So
can we stop talking about it
and go back to me just taking
out my negative emotions on you,
even if you deserve it or not?
Go on, Roy. For Granddad.
Fuck.
Okay, you're gonna sit
up, look up and pedal.
Straight back up.
Just straight back up.
Put your feet on the pedals.
Put your feet on the pedals.
That's it, good. Now
pedal. Now pedal.
Put your foot on the ped...
All right. Okay. All right.
Okay, all right. All right.
- [exhales deeply]
- On the bike. Okay. There you go.
Pick it up but in
an angry way, man.
Good lad. Pedal, pedal,
pedal, pedal. That's it. Hey!
Good lad, pedal it. You
actually... That's it, that's it!
That's good! That's good.
You did it for two seconds there,
man. That's an improvement.
Steady on, mate.
Steady on. Steady on.
Hey! What... You're doing
well, man. Calm down.
How's that gonna help anyone?
- In there. There you go. Good, good.
- [breathing shakily]
- I can't turn the other way.
- Yes. All right. This way, this way.
- I can't turn the other way.
- It's right. Follow me.
- Try and hit me!
- I can't turn.
It's all about balance,
man. Just like dribbling.
If you can dribble, you
can balance. That's it.
Yeah, that's good. You do...
- All right, mate. It's good...
- I'm gonna kill you.
- You're doing it. You're doing it.
- I'm doing it.
Let's go find a
fucking windmill!
[laughing] For Granddad!
All right, wait for me.
[bicycle bell rings]
[jazz music playing]
[patrons chattering]
[Higgins] We're sitting here?
Well, yeah. You know, you
said pick good seats, so...
Yeah, but these are
so... [sighs] ...exposed.
Oh, no. It's like the time I was front
and center at an improv comedy show.
Are they gonna make a song about
how I look like an altar boy?
[scoffs] It's okay.
Y-You did great.
- [inhales deeply] Thank you.
- Here's your drink.
Thank you for doing this, Will.
One pilgrim alone
is merely a zealot,
but two pilgrims together,
that's a pilgrimage.
- [chuckles]
- Cheers.
- Oh, here we go. Mmm.
- Hmm?
[audience applauding]
Welcome to Jazz Café Alto. My name is
Dante Charles, and we are the Kartel.
[jazz music playing]
- Miles Davis once said that...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Dante] Remember the night ♪
[Trent] And that was the
second time I came out to her.
- [Colin chuckles]
- This time, however, she believed me.
And now... [inhales sharply]
we're closer than ever.
And your daughter?
Yeah. She's never been happier.
[chuckles]
[inhales sharply] My point is,
it was really difficult
to hold on to that secret.
- But I'm not a professional athlete.
- [scoffs]
How do you do it?
Well... [breathes deeply] my
whole life is two lives really.
You got my work life.
Like, no one at the club knows.
I'd... I'd like to think
they wouldn't care,
but... it's just
easier that way.
Then you got my dating life.
Some guys think it's hot.
Others say they don't care, but eventually
they get tired and they move on.
Then the club brought
in Dr. Sharon...
and she helped me
realize that I have...
an ache.
[clicks tongue, breathes deeply]
An ache for both my
lives to be my only life.
I don't want to
be a spokesperson.
I don't want a
bunch of apologies.
[sighs]
All I want is for
when we win a match,
to be able to kiss my fella the same
way the guys get to kiss their girls.
- [chuckles]
- [chuckles]
And I know we can't fix
every ache inside of us.
But I shouldn't have to
pretend it's not there either.
[breathes deeply]
How'd you know? About me?
[inhales deeply] Well, I used my Holmesian
powers of journalistic deduction.
Saw you kissing a guy
outside Sam's restaurant.
- Ah. Yeah. [chuckles]
- [chuckles]
[bell tolling]
- Those are the bells of the Westerkerk.
- Oh.
[inhales sharply] Anne Frank heard
those same bells every night.
She lived just there.
Oh, right... Right by
this big, pink triangle?
Think that came a bit later.
Oh, yeah. [chuckles]
[people chattering]
[docent] "One doesn't
expect to get from life
what one has already
learned it cannot give,
rather, one begins to see that
life is a kind of sowing time...
and the harvest
is not yet here."
[inhales sharply] He was
just a humble preacher's son.
And yes, he had his demons, but they never
stopped him from searching for beauty.
Because when you find
beauty, you find inspiration.
If, that is, you stay as
determined as Vincent.
[inhales deeply] Never stop,
no matter how many failures.
When you know you're doing what
you're meant to do, you have to try.
Where I'm from...
Kansas, my home... This here,
this is our state flower.
Mmm. I want you to have this.
Uh, we close in three minutes.
Mercy buckets.
Yep.
[AFC Richmond Team
shouting, clamoring]
[shouts in Spanish] We are in
Holland! We should try Dutch food!
- As a Frenchman, I would rather die!
- No!
[shouting, clamoring continues]
[Isaac] Enough!
We are riven by this crossroads!
Is this it? [breathing shakily]
Should we huddle around the
laptop for a movie night?
How else d-do we proceed?
How doth we channel
this lack of compromise?
This dissension? This rage?
Captain.
[sighs]
[sighs] Coach. I know that you
have my best interests at heart,
or... or the club's anyway.
Even though you're clearly
upset about something else
and you're taking it out on me.
What I'm trying to say is, I'm
sorry for being a dick earlier.
I've been to Amsterdam twice.
When I was 14, me dad was
trying to get back with me mum,
and he was acting like some kind
of fucking super dad or some shit,
and he brought me out here for
some father-son bonding time.
Anyway, he said it was to
watch a football match.
After the game, he took me to the
red-light district for my real present.
He, uh... He took me to lose my virginity
to those ladies behind the windows.
Jesus. Must have
been traumatizing.
No. She loved it.
Oh, for me...
Sorry, me, you mean.
Uh, no.
I-I don't know.
I don't remember.
Anyway, a couple of years later,
me mum brought me back here.
And we went to museums
and did all the tours,
and it's the first time I had
stroopwafel. Never forget that time.
Even though my dad weren't here, he was
s-still kinda there with us. You know?
I was a dick today
too. I'm sorry.
I think Keeley's
got a girlfriend.
Hmm. Let's go find us
some windmills, eh?
Yeah.
["Waitin' in School" playing]
[patrons chattering]
Bang.
Howdy, partner.
Hey there.
Welcome to Yankee Doodle
Burger Barn. Table for one?
Wh... Yes, please. Yeah. Hey,
where in the States you from?
Melbourne.
Plenty of room tonight,
where would you like to sit?
Windy City, Big
Apple or Hollywood?
Oh, well. Tell Mama that Roxie Hart
is coming home. Lipschitz. [chuckles]
[stammers] Chicago. [chuckles]
Windy City.
Great, mate. Giddyap. [chuckles]
[patrons cheering]
- Here you are. Your fancy hot dog.
- [speaks indistinctly]
Howdy.
[customer 1] Um, can I
get some ranch dressing?
[server] Mmm. Absolutely, ma'am.
Hey, partner. Here all right?
Yeah. Yeah. [chuckles]
- Enjoy.
- Thank you.
- Oh, no, you didn't. [laughs]
- Yes.
Well, it actually happened.
[laughs]
[sighs]
[chuckles, inhales deeply]
Would you like some water?
Wise.
[sighs] This is so cozy.
The food and the
music, the boat and...
[inhales deeply] It really is...
Gezellig?
[stammers] You keep saying that
word. Or are you just choking?
- Gezellig. That one?
- [laughs] That's the one.
Come on then. What
does that mean?
What... Uh... [stammers, sighs]
I don't know. Uh, gezellig.
[stammers] There is no direct English
translation, I think. [stammers]
It can mean cozy.
Like a warm fire.
Gezellig. [speaks Dutch]
But you can also keep
your mind gezellig.
Hmm.
You know, your heart, your soul. The
people you're with. The places you go.
You know?
Even this, right now, here is...
Gezellig.
Exactly.
[dryer buzzes]
[inhales deeply]
They feel pretty dry.
[dryer beeps, whirs]
All right. Where were we?
Wine.
[announcers speaking
indistinctly]
Here's your onion ring pyramid
and your freedom fries.
Thank you.
You enjoying the game?
Oh, yeah. Hey, you know what?
I bet you a thousand bucks
the Bulls will win 107 to 86.
- [stammers]
- I'm just kidding.
[both chuckle]
I remember watching this
game as a kid with my dad.
Yeah. I used to love
watching basketball with him.
Thank you for sharing.
And please feel free to choose from
our menu of 50 Nifty United Sauces.
And there's a lovely
queso from Puerto Rico.
Oh. [stammers] You know what? Um,
how about you just surprise me?
- Can do.
- Thanks.
[announcer on TV] And the Bulls
drop into their triangle offense,
creating constant movement
between the players.
It's been the key to
their success this season.
It opens up for
Jordan. He shoots. Yes!
Pyramid ain't nothing
but a triangle.
Actually, three triangles all
leaning on each other. [chuckles]
Howdy, Ted.
[announcer on TV
speaking indistinctly]
Hey. So, uh, how
does this one look?
[stammers]
Why'd you bring me this one?
It's the best one.
[chuckles]
Well, this is mighty strange.
Hello? [echoes]
[disembodied voice] Hello, Ted.
Hey, that's me. Who are you?
I am the True
Spirit of Adventure.
Ooh, I like that. Well,
what's shaking, TSA?
Do you know where
triangles come from, Ted?
I don't know. God dropped
a square on the floor
and it broke in half
long-ways or something?
- Whoopsie.
- No, Ted.
It's debated that the triangle
was first defined by Pythagoras
as any shape with three
sides and three corners.
That's a good theorem.
But throughout history, many believe
that triangles have held special powers.
Oh, yeah.
From the Holy Trinity of Christianity
to the trikaya of Buddhism.
There's also that spooky eye thing
on the back of the one-dollar bill.
Oh, yeah.
In some Native American cultures,
the triangle symbolizes home.
Mmm. I'm sorry Europeans kicked all
them folks out of their triangle.
But the concept of the triangle
reached its zenith in 1989
when a man called Tex Winter, an
assistant coach for your Chicago Bulls...
- [crowd cheering]
- introduced his triangle offense.
The central component
of which was
for a player to always have two available
teammates to whom he could pass the ball.
- [Ted] Mmm.
- These three players formed...
A triangle.
Bingo, Ringo.
But that was never the
only triangle on the court.
For when the players moved, they
created more and more triangles.
Hey, you're right.
Actually, Ted, you're right.
Yes!
- [servers cheering, clapping]
- [server] Howdy, partner.
Hey. Can I borrow a pen?
- [server] Come on, boy!
- Thanks.
[servers] ♪ Yankee Doodle
Burger Barn Happy birthday ♪
♪ Yankee Doodle Burger
Barn Happy birthday, Mel ♪
World War II was
won by America ♪
♪ But the West was
liberated Thanks to Canada ♪
♪ Hey! ♪ [cheers]
[jazz music playing]
[patrons chattering]
[scatting]
- Do you play?
- Um.
- Um. [stammers]
- Yes. Yes, he... Yes, he does. He does.
He plays bass because Chet Baker... Chet
Ba... Do you know who Chet Baker is?
- All right. Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
Players in.
Pillows ready.
[players chant]
- [Isaac] Begin!
- [grunting]
Let's get lost now.
[patrons cheering]
["Let's Get Lost" playing]
[sighs]
- Vanilla vodka.
- Oh!
Oh, my God. He's still at it.
- Yeah. It's pretty amazing.
- [server 1 chuckles]
What the hell is he doing?
I don't know. But
he's got my pen.
[server 2] Derek's gonna
make you buy a new one.
Fucking hate Derek.
[both] Yeah.
[Roy] Fuck!
Let's get lost ♪
[patrons cheering, applauding]
Whoo!
[inhales deeply]
Good morning.
So, um...
[inhales sharply, exhales]
Last night...
Did we...
Did we?
Did we, um...
No.
[chuckles]
[Rebecca chuckles]
- Breakfast?
- [inhales deeply]
Uh, no. I-I have to go.
- Of course. [sighs]
- [inhales deeply]
But, um, thank you, uh...
- [laughs]
- Uh, you're welcome, uh...
[inhales deeply] I
won't forget you.
Yeah, y-you might.
People get Alzheimer's.
[chuckling]
[chuckles]
[Rebecca laughs]
Did we? [scoffs]
Oh, yes, we did. [sighs]
I'm telling you, Amsterdam, amazing.
Amazing. Uh, like, yes, we lost the game,
but my boss played in a jazz
band and then... [stammers]
[upbeat music playing]
Gerbrandt, Gijs, Gilles,
Brechje and Paul... [chuckles]
[speaking Dutch]
[all laugh]
Okay, doei.
Doei!
- Hey, Will.
- Uh, you speak Dutch?
Don't tell Jan. Where's Ted?
- Uh, he's in the back.
- Thank you.
["Mag Ik Dansen" playing]
Mum? Sorry. Yes, no... Uh...
[chuckles] Uh, what was I saying?
And then I met the most lovely couple,
and they invited me for a threesome.
Bonjour.
Coach. [sighs]
Hey, Coach.
[sighs]
Wait, let me guess,
Piggy Stardust.
- Rashers to rashers, oink to oinky.
- I love it.
[both imitate explosion]
[chuckles]
[chattering]
[sighs] Hey, sorry
about last night.
No, no, that's okay. I'm sorry.
You know, I shouldn't have let you
wander around out there all alone
with a head full
of tea, you know.
Uh, good thing it
was a dud batch.
What's that?
I wasn't feeling anything. So
I called Kenneth, he tried it,
couple hours later, calls
me up totally contrite.
Confirmed, dud batch. [sighs]
Huh.
It happens.
[stammers] Uh, let me
ask you a question here.
Is this anything?
The way I see it, we've been
playing too rigid, you know?
Our guys need freedom.
Go wherever they wanna go.
Follow their guts, their hearts.
Uh, as long as they remember to fill
in the space that someone left behind.
They gotta have one another's
backs, that's for sure.
But, you know, it's just
constant, nonstop motion.
Just going from position to position
until positions don't really,
um, even exist anymore.
It's fast, fluid, free.
With full support. [chuckles]
You come up with this yourself?
Yeah?
Congrats. You should
call it Total Football.
Ooh, I like that.
Which was invented right
here in Holland in the '70s.
Oh. Hmm. You think
we should try it?
Yes, I do.
All right, cool. Total Football.
Room for one more?
[all cheer, laugh]
[Ted] Hey, boss.
So, 12 unanswered texts,
three un-haha'ed GIFs.
We good?
Oh, I'm sorry, Ted. My phone
is at the bottom of a canal.
Is that Keats?
Nope.
Yeah, okay.
Hey, Will, how we looking?
Uh, we're two short.
Who's missing?
[bicycle bell rings]
You lovely people!
[cheering, laughing]
[Jamie] Did you miss me?
Don't fucking ask.
[Roy] Let's go.
We saw a windmill!
- [team applauds, cheers]
- All right.
Hell yeah.
Come on!
I-I bet you the sex
show was dope though.
[all murmuring, groaning]
- What? [chuckles]
- Leave it alone, man.
[sighs]
Everything okay, boss?
Don't worry, about a thing ♪
♪ 'Cause every little
thing's Gonna be all right ♪
Well, I appreciate it.
Singin', don't worry,
about a thing ♪
♪ 'Cause every little
thing Gonna be all right ♪
- [Rebecca] Whoo!
- [Coach Beard] Everybody!
[all] Don't worry ♪
[vocalizes]
[all] About a thing ♪
[vocalizes]
[all] ♪ 'Cause every little
thing Is gonna be all right ♪
[Coach Beard] One more time!
[all] ♪ Singin', don't
worry About a thing ♪
[Coach Beard] Don't worry
about that thing now.
♪ 'Cause every little thing
Is gonna be all right ♪
- [Coach Beard] Every one of them!
- [Rebecca] Whoo!
- [all] Singin', don't worry ♪
- [Coach Beard] Don't do it!
[all] About a thing ♪
♪ 'Cause every little thing
Is gonna be all right ♪
[announcer speaking Dutch]
[announcer continues
speaking Dutch]
[sighs] Man, we can't even get
a goal for an exhibition match.
Friendly.
Ain't nothing friendly about
what happened out here.
They call exhibition
matches friendlies.
Man, this sport drives me nuts.
Ah, Rebecca. My apologies.
Now, you've come all the way to Amsterdam,
and we at Ajax have been such rude hosts.
[Rebecca] Marjolein, you've
been more than gracious.
- Oh. Mmm.
- Especially given the circumstances.
- [crowd booing]
- [chuckles]
[whistle blows]
- There we are.
- [crowd cheers]
["Three Little Birds" playing]
Till next time.
Oh, thank you.
Truly was an honor to play
here at the Johan Croyff Arena.
Oh, no. The honor is ours completely.
But it is pronounced Johan Cruijff.
Oh. Still.
["Three Little Birds"
continues playing]
God, this song's depressing.
[gags]
[reporter, in Dutch]
Would you agree that
this has been an extremely
demoralizing result?
But, luckily our spirits
were already broken.
[reporter, in English]
Y-Yeah. A-And so, Roy Kent,
don't you think Richmond's
objectively poor performance is, uh,
due to the fact that you're
nothing without Zava?
Who cares? It's a fucking friendly.
A friendly is a pretend match.
This is a pretend conversation.
You're a pretend person
with a pretend job.
And I'm having a really hard
time pretending to give a shit.
Wow.
Right. Um... Jan...
- [gasps] Hi. Oh, thanks. [chuckles]
- [Will] Hi. Love the pink.
[Jan speaking Dutch]
Okay... [sighs] a night
out in Amsterdam it is.
Let's make the best of
it. What's the plan?
Ooh, I'm spoken for, I'm afraid.
It's my first time in Amsterdam,
and I have a date with someone
special in the red-light district.
- [chuckles]
- [reporter speaking Dutch]
[both] Nah.
- Just you and me then, kid.
- [chuckles] I'd love to...
- Oh. That's a quick cancellation.
- How'd you know I was gonna cancel?
Because there's a certain
note in your vocal range
that you only ever hit when you're
being preemptively apologetic.
- Come on. Out with it.
- All right.
- Apparently...
- Mmm.
Tonight is the best
aurora borealis ever.
Like, it's the aurora
"boreal-iest." In Norway.
And Jack and her plane are waiting
for me at the airport right now.
Subtle.
- [chuckles]
- [Jan speaks indistinctly]
- And amazing.
- [chuckles]
Go.
- I promise I'll make it up to you.
- Yes, you will.
[gasps] Oh! Great job, Jan.
Oh. [speaks Dutch]
And, Roy, thank you
again for doing this.
Oh, yeah. Anytime.
- I love you.
- I love you.
[shutter clicks]
[speaking indistinctly]
- Where's she going?
- Somewhere that believes they deserve her.
- [muttering]
- [team chattering]
- Ah, hey, there he is.
- [grumbles]
- [chuckles] Someone's in a mood.
- Yeah.
- Wait. Mmm.
- Actually...
Mm-mmm. What do you think?
Think only you can get these guys
out of their pineapple percussions.
- Doldrums. Nice.
- [clicks tongue]
Yeah, I'm gonna say something.
Hey, fellas.
I'm about to say three words no coach
ever says unless he dang well means it.
- "You're all shit."
- No.
- "Knowledge is power"?
- True, but no.
- "Live, laugh, love."
- [imitates buzzer] No.
Correct answer is:
"No curfew tonight."
[all murmuring] What?
That's right.
I don't wanna see
your pretty faces
until we get back on this
bus at what time, Coach?
10:00 a.m., baby!
You heard the man. 10:00 a.m.
[cheering, chuckling]
All right, let's be careful
out there. Hill Street Blues.
Smart move, Coach.
Yeah. Well, you
know, they need it.
Not as bad as you do.
[exclaims] No curfew
in Amsterdam, boys!
Should we all take naps
so we can stay up later?
No. We push through,
and we all meet in the
lobby five o'clock sharp.
Yeah!
Tonight is gonna be
mad, you know! [laughs]
Not for you, Tartt!
- [Jamie] Eh?
- Let's go.
[Jamie] You serious?
You're not on fucking
holiday from training.
[stammers, scoffs]
What about my stuff?
Right.
Throw this away, please.
[Roy] Let's go!
Great. Sick. You have fun.
Gonna see the sights.
Training. Amsterdam.
- Don't actually throw that away, yeah?
- O-Okay.
[Jamie] Hey. Wait up, Coach!
Getting off the coach, Coach.
Run!
- [clamoring]
- [cheering]
This is gonna be so good.
Hey. How about you
roll with me tonight?
That'd be wonderful.
Thank you. [chuckles]
Yeah. Great. Our first stop:
the red-light district.
[inhales deeply, stammers]
[sniffs]
[scatting]
[theme music plays]
Did you know Amsterdam's origins
date back to the 13th century?
[grunts]
That's mad, innit?
Oh, Coach, this way.
[grunts]
[chuckles]
This is the world-famous
Skinny Bridge!
- [laughs]
- [panting] Yeah?
As seen in major motion picture,
James Bond's Diamonds Are Forever.
[pants] Stop with all the fucking
sightseeing shit, you twat.
Right. Next stop,
Amsterdam's thinnest house.
It's gonna blow your mind,
lad. Come on. Get moving, lad.
- Whoo!
- [panting, groans]
- [bicycle bell rings]
- Ooh. Whoa, whoa.
[cell phone buzzes]
Hello.
[Sassy] Stinky, what's wrong?
- [chuckles] Nothing. Why?
- [cyclist speaks Dutch]
- [Sassy] Bullshit!
- Ooh.
I felt warm in my belly,
so there must be a problem.
- [scoffs]
- Out with it.
Sass, you know, you're
actually wrong this time.
- Uh, I am never wrong.
- [bicycle bell rings]
- [exclaiming] Jesus.
- [speaks Dutch]
- [speaks Dutch]
- What are all those bells?
Are you in a casino?
No. [chuckles] I'm actually just out
having a stroll in Amsterdam on my own.
[speaks Dutch]
[in English] Completely unburdened.
I haven't even got my bag with me.
[speaks Dutch]
[Sassy, in English] Oh, right.
Amsterdam. I forgot. Ugh, jealous.
- Well, eat a space cake for me...
- [laughs]
- and call me when you freak out.
- I love you.
[Sassy] Buh-buh-bye.
[person whistles]
[whistles]
- Yeah.
- Yes?
I saw you walking just
there, and I thought,
"I have to say something
to this beautiful woman."
- Right. What... What exactly were you...
- [cyclist 3 shouts]
- [speaks Dutch]
- Oh, my God. Oh, my! Oh! Go... [screams]
[person] Shit.
[screams, gasps]
[blows] Oh, my God!
Are you hurt?
No, no, no. I'm ok... I'm okay.
- [shivers, grunts] It's just very cold.
- Come on.
Sorry, um, did you see
where my phone went?
[chuckles] Who cares?
- You're alive. Come on.
- [grunts]
Yeah. Yes. Okay. It's my
phone, so... [grunting]
[speaks Dutch]
[grunts, in English]
Fair enough.
Come. You need to get warm.
Um, what... What is it
that you wanted to tell me?
[Rebecca breathing heavily]
You're walking on the bike lane.
I mean, how the fuck am
I supposed to know that?
Stupid fucking place.
- [chuckles] Come on.
- [groans]
[Coach Beard] Like, remember when Jordan
wouldn't wear Reebok in the '92 Olympics?
Of course.
[Coach Beard] '74 World Cup,
Cruyff refuses to wear Adidas,
they gotta make him a
special two-striped shirt.
- He was a badass.
- [Ted] Hmm.
[Coach Beard] But he was
also a paragon of the '60s,
so he was bigger
than Jordan, really.
He was like Jordan and
John Lennon combined.
Oh. That's cool.
- You pick a place to eat yet?
- Oh, shoot. No, I forgot.
- [groans]
- On it.
Um. Let's see.
Oh. Hey! This could be good.
Yankee Doodle Burger Barn.
"An authentic American dining experience
with American-sized portions."
You know, I could definitely
go for a little taste of home.
- How's that sound, Coach?
- What's it rated?
- Uh, 2.7.
- [groans]
[stammers] Out of five.
Think we can beat that.
[groans] All right. [stammers]
Mmm.
I don't know what's
going on with me, Coach.
It's like I'm feeling stuck
or something, you know?
I-I need to do something to
help me get me out of my head.
Like get punched
in the face or, uh,
drink a couple of bottles of
red wine and yell at my mom.
[scoffs] You know, just...
I wanna try something new.
Help me get inspired.
I've been waiting for you to say
those words for a very long time.
[toothbrush vibrates]
[players chattering]
We should have took a train
to Paris a long time ago.
Would any of you gentlemen
care for some drinks?
Uh, Leffe Blond.
- I'll have a beer and a shot of te...
- No!
We're about to head
out, but thank you.
No worries.
[Sam] Hmm, okay.
Yeah. That's everyone.
So, what's the plan for
the night then, Captain?
I'm taking all your suggestions.
For me, the best option for a night
in Amsterdam is a train to Paris.
[laughing, muttering]
I told you... I'm gonna say
it again. I am not kidding.
Oh, you know, my... my
father actually suggested
we take a boat tour
through the canal.
- Yeah. Great way to see the city.
- [Bumbercatch] We're near The Hague.
We can go to the International
Court of Justice.
Poke around. Ask some questions.
I would like to see a tulip.
- You mean tulip fields?
- No, no, no. Just one tulip.
An entire field will be
incredibly overwhelming.
[chuckles] W-Wait, wait.
[stammers] Y'all are joking, right?
We-We gotta go to
a live sex show.
Oh, very cultural, Thierry.
Yo, Trent! What should we do?
Ooh. Well, the city has a
wonderful museum culture.
In fact, tonight is what's
known as Museumnacht,
- where they stay open till quite late.
- [team] Mmm.
- [team mumbling]
- Oh.
I didn't come to
Amsterdam to learn things.
- Yeah.
- [murmuring]
- Sorry, Trent.
- Great shot though.
I don't know. The
city does seem lovely,
but maybe it would just be
easier if all of us stayed in
and enjoyed a nice
team movie night.
[laughing]
Sam, come on.
Hey, boys. Have fun tonight.
Higgins. W-Where you going?
Ah. Tonight's the night young
William here becomes a man.
Cheers.
[stammers]
[all] Nah.
Jan Maas, we're on your home
turf. What you got for us?
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah. Good point. Let's go.
Okay, tourists, thank you for getting
all those terrible ideas out of the way.
Now listen, my cousin,
Martin Garrix, is deejaying
- at a private all-night party.
- I guess it's his cousin.
We're talking drinking, dancing
and women into the morning,
which is when they'll be
serving a hearty breakfast.
[cheering, chuckling] Whoo.
Hey, guys, I'm sorry. Sorry.
I think I need to bow out.
Yeah. I ate some pickled herring earlier,
and now my stomach's bothering me.
[players groan]
- You're gonna miss the live sex show, bro.
- You mean the party.
I cannot wait to hear
all the dirty details.
- [Sam laughs]
- Good luck, gents.
- See you later.
- [Colin] All right.
All right, broski.
[Sam] Hydrate!
Right. [sighs] So it seems like this
private party is the obvious answer?
- Yep.
- Okay, great.
We just gotta take the bus to Groningen,
which is only a two-hour drive.
Two hours?
- [Jan] It breezes over.
- Eh. Two.
You will love it.
Hey, hey, hey, amigos. Why
don't we just split up?
- [players chattering]
- [Dani] The tulips with me!
No! Overruled.
We pick one place,
and we go as a team.
Excuse me. I think we're
gonna order them drinks now.
And can you bring me a giant
stack of napkins? Thanks.
Voting time.
- Dude, a sex show is funny.
- We're not going to a sex show.
I really want the tulip experience
that everyone talks about.
Actually surprisingly good
water pressure for a boat.
Hello?
[sighs]
Oh, shit.
[dryer chimes]
Hello?
Hello?
[chuckles]
Mmm. Fuck me.
Right down there's the bench
from Fault in Our Stars!
- [Jamie] The movie!
- [panting, grunting]
- Whoa.
- [cyclist 4] Tourist!
So, red-light
district. [chuckles]
- That's right.
- [chuckles] Cool. Okay. Awesome.
- Is everything all right at home or... Oh.
- Here we are.
[sighs] His name was Chet Baker.
American, gifted trumpeter,
unique singer and a heroin addict.
He was tortured by demons,
but they didn't stop him
from making beautiful music.
He's what got me into jazz
in the first place, you know.
Oh. [mumbles]
Y-You hear his
story and you think,
"There's nothing more
punk rock than that."
[inhales deeply] Then,
on the 13th of May, 1988,
he passed away on
this very spot.
Oh, wow. H-How was it he died?
Uh, he fell from, uh,
that window up there.
- Ah. Mmm.
- But was it an accident?
Did he jump, or
was he pushed? Mmm.
And we're gonna solve that
mystery tonight. [stammers]
No, no. We're just here to
pay our respects to a legend.
What led to his death?
- We don't know, Will.
- Mmm.
- We only know this: drugs are bad.
- Yes.
- No, they are.
- Yeah.
My man, Kenneth the bus driver,
hooked me up a couple of weeks ago.
Wait, so you travel with it?
I thought they had plenty
of that stuff here.
Well, I just don't like
my medicine to be taxed.
[scoffs] I don't know, Coach.
You know, I've always been more of
a beer man or, uh, Sour Patch Kids.
Sour Patch Kids don't form literal
new pathways in your brain.
Picture a sheet of fresh, white
snow covering all the footsteps
of all the paths that
you've trod before,
forcing you... Nay, encouraging
you... to begin anew.
And how's it taste?
Disgusting, so most people put it in
peanut butter and jelly or yogurt.
Uh-huh. And which one we doing?
Neither. We're doing tea.
Oh, come on, man.
Are you kidding me?
That's like hiding poop
inside a smoothie of barf.
[sighs, clears throat] I
don't say this often enough
because I generally think
it's implied, but trust me.
This is how you
change your mind.
[groans]
[inhales deeply]
[inhales deeply]
I can't do it, Coach. I'm sorry.
[slurps, grunts]
Oh, boy.
Did you have any?
[Isaac] Where we at?
- We have nine votes for sex show.
- [cheering]
[groans]
- Nine votes for private party.
- [groaning]
And one vote for tulip.
That leaves us with two. Sex
show versus private party.
And I think someone picked
tulip, yes? But who?
Dani, you wrote it in Spanish.
Someone wrote it
in Spanish, yes.
Look, it doesn't matter what we choose.
This has to be unanimous. Discuss.
Okay, the idea of
seeing a sex show
is one that makes me more
uncomfortable than aroused.
Right? Right.
Which is why I'm still in favor of,
you know, a nice, simple movie night.
- [stammers] But-But-But-But...
- [clamoring]
as I said earlier,
Jan's admittedly inconvenient plan
is an excellent second option.
Yeah? Yes? Okay. Great.
All right. Let's go.
Wh... No, no, no, no. Guys,
guys, guys. Stick with me.
We're two hours away
from... From that party.
But we're only ten minutes away
from watching some sex. Come on.
[murmuring]
Things flying about...
[in Dutch] Can you please tell my friend
that he is being a boring tourist?
[speaks Dutch]
[in English] What is your name?
- Everybody calls me Van Damme.
- [scoffs]
- [players murmuring]
- [speaks Dutch]
Okay, Van Damme, would you prefer to
pay to watch two tired people have sex
or rather go to a party where
perhaps you could get some yourself?
[stammers] They're...
They're tired?
Exhausted.
- [sighs]
- [laughing, cheering]
We can finally start
our night in Amsterdam!
In Groningen, yes!
No, wait, wait, wait. We
need to eat first, right?
- Oh.
- Oh, yes. Definitely.
Um, okay. What do
you want to eat?
- Ramen.
- Shawarma!
No way. We haven't eaten...
We haven't eaten...
Some brownies with marijuana.
Or maybe some Mexican?
[players speak indistinctly]
- Mmm. Oh.
- [knocks]
- Hello?
- [person] It's me. Is it okay to come in?
[stammers] Yeah, of course. Of
course. It's your house... boat.
Hi.
- [sighs]
- You really didn't need to leave.
No, but... [exhales deeply]
taking a shower on a stranger's
boat is uncomfortable enough.
And you shouldn't be worried that he's
watching you through some peephole.
- Peephole?
- Yeah.
- Someone's dated themselves.
- Oh.
Had you down as more of a webcam kind of
guy... Anyway, thank you, nonetheless.
You're bleeding.
- I'm what?
- You're bleeding.
What?
- Oh, God.
- Yeah, don't worry. Take a seat.
- [stammers]
- [groans]
I don't... I don't even
know how that happened.
I was in the military.
I trained for this.
Ooh.
And I don't want
blood on my floor.
[speaks Dutch] Hey? [chuckles]
Yep. [clears throat]
You got strong ankles.
- Uh, yes. I wear a lot of high heels...
- [sighs]
f-for work.
- Mm-hmm.
- All right. There you go.
Ooh.
Oh... [chuckles]
...sorry. Force of habit.
- Oh. It's all that military training.
- [chuckles]
Oh, and the tea was
really lovely. Thank you.
Would it perhaps be more
lovely if we added some brandy?
[sighs] No. No, no.
I'm, uh... I'm just going to
wait till my clothes have dried
and then... and
then I'll pop off.
[inhales deeply] In two
hours and 40 minutes.
Okay. [sighs]
If you don't wanna wait, I can call a
cab for you and your bag of wet clothes,
or I can make dinner. Uh...
[stammers] Well, yes, I
am quite hungry actually.
And... [stammers] ...wet clothes are
rather heavy in a bag, so, um, yes.
Fuck it. That'd be nice.
- Good! Gezellig?
- Yep.
Uh, wait. Uh... [exhales deeply]
Feel free to change
into one of these.
Um...
Should I be concerned that you've got a
giant Tupperware box of women's clothing
- in your floating house?
- [chuckles]
These aren't trophies, are they?
No. [chuckles] It's my former
partner. She was tall, like you.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did she pass away?
Unfortunately, no.
[sighs]
Please help yourself.
I-I... Look, I don't... I don't
really think I can borrow your ex...
Oh. God, this is lovely.
Please, change. We'll eat,
and then you'll go, all right?
[sighs] Mmm, yeah. Yeah. Sure.
And after dinner I can
give you a foot massage.
Absolutely not.
Are you sure? My
technique is sound.
Oh... [stammers] Oh, I'm... I'm
sure it is, but I will pass.
Okay, then. Fine. Uh, stand there
with tired feet, completely sober.
It does not affect me at all.
[clicks tongue]
Fine. Come on, then.
I'll... I'll have a bit.
[licks lips]
Gezellig.
- They put a dam on the river Amstel.
- [panting]
"Amsteldam."
Amsterdam. [chuckles]
It's good, innit?
- Come on.
- Fucking stop for a fucking second!
Please. [breathing
heavily, grunting]
God.
How do you know so
much about here?
It's Amsterdam. How do you not?
Never been here in my life.
- What? Never?
- No.
- Not o-one stag party?
- No.
- Not one international match?
- No.
Not o-one emergency
flight diverted here
because some EasyJet
passenger was being a prick?
- That never happens.
- It does.
It does happen, if you're being
enough of a prick. Which I was.
It just looks like a Disney
version of an old city.
It all looks so fucking fake.
It's not fake.
Come on. Windmills? Fake.
[scoffs] I ain't even from
here, and I'm offended.
[chuckles] Windmills are real,
man. What are you talking about?
Yeah, I'll believe
it when I see it.
We need bikes.
What? No. [grunts]
[people chattering
on television]
- You know, Coach, if you wanna go...
- I'll see you in the morning.
[door opens, closes]
[people chattering]
[sighs]
[exhales sharply]
[synthpop music playing]
[Colin] Hey.
Hi. Can I help you?
Have you got vanilla vodka?
Dear God, no. [chuckles]
[stammers] A beer,
please. Thank you.
- There you go, sweetie.
- Oh, thanks. [stammers]
Hey, can I ask, do
you know who I am?
Can I tell you a secret?
Tonight, you're
whoever you want to be.
- Hmm?
- Yeah.
You should stick around for the
party later on. Thunderdong.
Good vibes, good
place to make friends.
Sounds fun, I'm in.
Trent! Hey.
- Uh. [stammers]
- [glass clanks]
Can I get a drink for my
work acquaintance, please?
Sorry, did you say Thunderdong?
Mm-hmm.
Ah. Oh, I think I'm in the
wrong place. My mistake. Cheers.
Happens all the time.
[sighing] Yeah.
- [Trent] Colin!
- Good to see you, Trent.
Whoa, whoa.
Colin. I already knew.
I've known for months. I
haven't said anything to anyone.
I must have a good reason
for that, mustn't I?
[sighs] Right.
[people on television
speaking Dutch]
[sighs]
[door opens, closes]
["Venus" playing]
[sighs]
Your ex has wonderful taste.
Well, actually,
she hated that one.
Yeah, of course she did.
I bought it for her.
[chuckles]
Hey. Gezellig, right?
[Rebecca] Hmm.
Ooh, that smells wonderful.
It's almost ready.
Would you like a drink?
- I would love one.
- Please, help yourself.
So, uh, should I be worried about some
giant Dutch woman wandering on here
and strangling me for
wearing her clothes?
- No. [chuckles]
- [chuckles]
Things are over between us, and have
been so for some time. So don't worry.
It's all right. I
didn't mean to...
You don't need to tell
me any of the details.
She was unfaithful.
I loved her very much,
so it wrecked me,
and I came dangerously close
to destroying our family on it.
But then, with time,
I realized that this thing didn't happen
to me, it happened for me. You know?
Cheers.
Proost.
- Proost. Prost.
- Proost.
Proust.
["Zij Gelooft in Mij" playing]
Mmm.
Wait, is this some Dutch bloke singing
"She Believes in Me" by Kenny Rogers?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
This Dutch bloke is
the great André Hazes,
and he's singing "Zij
Gelooft in Mij," all right?
Okay. [chuckles]
And yes, the Gambling Man did
it first. But... [shushes]
[singing in Dutch]
[chuckles]
♪ And who knows Maybe
on some special night ♪
If my song is right ♪
- I will find a way ♪
- [singing in Dutch]
[both chuckle]
- [sings indistinctly]
- [both chuckling]
Hmm.
[panting]
Psst.
- The fuck are you doing?
- [shushes] Just be patient.
Bicycle?
Thank you. Uh, two, please.
Oh, I love a
challenge. Hold this.
[cackles] Oh, mate. We've
just made tonight amazing.
I don't wanna ride
around on a fucking bike.
Oh, come on. It'll be fun.
- Voilà. Sixty euros.
- Have a hundred.
Thank you.
- Here.
- Get it away from me.
- Oh, come on.
- No, I don't want it.
Mate, we take the bikes,
we find a windmill.
- No. I said no.
- Why the fuck not?
I don't know how to ride a bike!
[laughing]
No refunds.
[laughs] Fucking hell, Roy. Do you
know how to tie your own laces?
Stop being a dick.
When I went to Sunderland,
my granddad told me he'd teach me how
to ride when I came back for Christmas,
and then he fucking died, and
I haven't been on a bike since.
And now I'm saying
that out loud,
I realize that never learning was
actually a great disrespect to his memory
and now I feel ashamed. So
can we stop talking about it
and go back to me just taking
out my negative emotions on you,
even if you deserve it or not?
Go on, Roy. For Granddad.
Fuck.
Okay, you're gonna sit
up, look up and pedal.
Straight back up.
Just straight back up.
Put your feet on the pedals.
Put your feet on the pedals.
That's it, good. Now
pedal. Now pedal.
Put your foot on the ped...
All right. Okay. All right.
Okay, all right. All right.
- [exhales deeply]
- On the bike. Okay. There you go.
Pick it up but in
an angry way, man.
Good lad. Pedal, pedal,
pedal, pedal. That's it. Hey!
Good lad, pedal it. You
actually... That's it, that's it!
That's good! That's good.
You did it for two seconds there,
man. That's an improvement.
Steady on, mate.
Steady on. Steady on.
Hey! What... You're doing
well, man. Calm down.
How's that gonna help anyone?
- In there. There you go. Good, good.
- [breathing shakily]
- I can't turn the other way.
- Yes. All right. This way, this way.
- I can't turn the other way.
- It's right. Follow me.
- Try and hit me!
- I can't turn.
It's all about balance,
man. Just like dribbling.
If you can dribble, you
can balance. That's it.
Yeah, that's good. You do...
- All right, mate. It's good...
- I'm gonna kill you.
- You're doing it. You're doing it.
- I'm doing it.
Let's go find a
fucking windmill!
[laughing] For Granddad!
All right, wait for me.
[bicycle bell rings]
[jazz music playing]
[patrons chattering]
[Higgins] We're sitting here?
Well, yeah. You know, you
said pick good seats, so...
Yeah, but these are
so... [sighs] ...exposed.
Oh, no. It's like the time I was front
and center at an improv comedy show.
Are they gonna make a song about
how I look like an altar boy?
[scoffs] It's okay.
Y-You did great.
- [inhales deeply] Thank you.
- Here's your drink.
Thank you for doing this, Will.
One pilgrim alone
is merely a zealot,
but two pilgrims together,
that's a pilgrimage.
- [chuckles]
- Cheers.
- Oh, here we go. Mmm.
- Hmm?
[audience applauding]
Welcome to Jazz Café Alto. My name is
Dante Charles, and we are the Kartel.
[jazz music playing]
- Miles Davis once said that...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Dante] Remember the night ♪
[Trent] And that was the
second time I came out to her.
- [Colin chuckles]
- This time, however, she believed me.
And now... [inhales sharply]
we're closer than ever.
And your daughter?
Yeah. She's never been happier.
[chuckles]
[inhales sharply] My point is,
it was really difficult
to hold on to that secret.
- But I'm not a professional athlete.
- [scoffs]
How do you do it?
Well... [breathes deeply] my
whole life is two lives really.
You got my work life.
Like, no one at the club knows.
I'd... I'd like to think
they wouldn't care,
but... it's just
easier that way.
Then you got my dating life.
Some guys think it's hot.
Others say they don't care, but eventually
they get tired and they move on.
Then the club brought
in Dr. Sharon...
and she helped me
realize that I have...
an ache.
[clicks tongue, breathes deeply]
An ache for both my
lives to be my only life.
I don't want to
be a spokesperson.
I don't want a
bunch of apologies.
[sighs]
All I want is for
when we win a match,
to be able to kiss my fella the same
way the guys get to kiss their girls.
- [chuckles]
- [chuckles]
And I know we can't fix
every ache inside of us.
But I shouldn't have to
pretend it's not there either.
[breathes deeply]
How'd you know? About me?
[inhales deeply] Well, I used my Holmesian
powers of journalistic deduction.
Saw you kissing a guy
outside Sam's restaurant.
- Ah. Yeah. [chuckles]
- [chuckles]
[bell tolling]
- Those are the bells of the Westerkerk.
- Oh.
[inhales sharply] Anne Frank heard
those same bells every night.
She lived just there.
Oh, right... Right by
this big, pink triangle?
Think that came a bit later.
Oh, yeah. [chuckles]
[people chattering]
[docent] "One doesn't
expect to get from life
what one has already
learned it cannot give,
rather, one begins to see that
life is a kind of sowing time...
and the harvest
is not yet here."
[inhales sharply] He was
just a humble preacher's son.
And yes, he had his demons, but they never
stopped him from searching for beauty.
Because when you find
beauty, you find inspiration.
If, that is, you stay as
determined as Vincent.
[inhales deeply] Never stop,
no matter how many failures.
When you know you're doing what
you're meant to do, you have to try.
Where I'm from...
Kansas, my home... This here,
this is our state flower.
Mmm. I want you to have this.
Uh, we close in three minutes.
Mercy buckets.
Yep.
[AFC Richmond Team
shouting, clamoring]
[shouts in Spanish] We are in
Holland! We should try Dutch food!
- As a Frenchman, I would rather die!
- No!
[shouting, clamoring continues]
[Isaac] Enough!
We are riven by this crossroads!
Is this it? [breathing shakily]
Should we huddle around the
laptop for a movie night?
How else d-do we proceed?
How doth we channel
this lack of compromise?
This dissension? This rage?
Captain.
[sighs]
[sighs] Coach. I know that you
have my best interests at heart,
or... or the club's anyway.
Even though you're clearly
upset about something else
and you're taking it out on me.
What I'm trying to say is, I'm
sorry for being a dick earlier.
I've been to Amsterdam twice.
When I was 14, me dad was
trying to get back with me mum,
and he was acting like some kind
of fucking super dad or some shit,
and he brought me out here for
some father-son bonding time.
Anyway, he said it was to
watch a football match.
After the game, he took me to the
red-light district for my real present.
He, uh... He took me to lose my virginity
to those ladies behind the windows.
Jesus. Must have
been traumatizing.
No. She loved it.
Oh, for me...
Sorry, me, you mean.
Uh, no.
I-I don't know.
I don't remember.
Anyway, a couple of years later,
me mum brought me back here.
And we went to museums
and did all the tours,
and it's the first time I had
stroopwafel. Never forget that time.
Even though my dad weren't here, he was
s-still kinda there with us. You know?
I was a dick today
too. I'm sorry.
I think Keeley's
got a girlfriend.
Hmm. Let's go find us
some windmills, eh?
Yeah.
["Waitin' in School" playing]
[patrons chattering]
Bang.
Howdy, partner.
Hey there.
Welcome to Yankee Doodle
Burger Barn. Table for one?
Wh... Yes, please. Yeah. Hey,
where in the States you from?
Melbourne.
Plenty of room tonight,
where would you like to sit?
Windy City, Big
Apple or Hollywood?
Oh, well. Tell Mama that Roxie Hart
is coming home. Lipschitz. [chuckles]
[stammers] Chicago. [chuckles]
Windy City.
Great, mate. Giddyap. [chuckles]
[patrons cheering]
- Here you are. Your fancy hot dog.
- [speaks indistinctly]
Howdy.
[customer 1] Um, can I
get some ranch dressing?
[server] Mmm. Absolutely, ma'am.
Hey, partner. Here all right?
Yeah. Yeah. [chuckles]
- Enjoy.
- Thank you.
- Oh, no, you didn't. [laughs]
- Yes.
Well, it actually happened.
[laughs]
[sighs]
[chuckles, inhales deeply]
Would you like some water?
Wise.
[sighs] This is so cozy.
The food and the
music, the boat and...
[inhales deeply] It really is...
Gezellig?
[stammers] You keep saying that
word. Or are you just choking?
- Gezellig. That one?
- [laughs] That's the one.
Come on then. What
does that mean?
What... Uh... [stammers, sighs]
I don't know. Uh, gezellig.
[stammers] There is no direct English
translation, I think. [stammers]
It can mean cozy.
Like a warm fire.
Gezellig. [speaks Dutch]
But you can also keep
your mind gezellig.
Hmm.
You know, your heart, your soul. The
people you're with. The places you go.
You know?
Even this, right now, here is...
Gezellig.
Exactly.
[dryer buzzes]
[inhales deeply]
They feel pretty dry.
[dryer beeps, whirs]
All right. Where were we?
Wine.
[announcers speaking
indistinctly]
Here's your onion ring pyramid
and your freedom fries.
Thank you.
You enjoying the game?
Oh, yeah. Hey, you know what?
I bet you a thousand bucks
the Bulls will win 107 to 86.
- [stammers]
- I'm just kidding.
[both chuckle]
I remember watching this
game as a kid with my dad.
Yeah. I used to love
watching basketball with him.
Thank you for sharing.
And please feel free to choose from
our menu of 50 Nifty United Sauces.
And there's a lovely
queso from Puerto Rico.
Oh. [stammers] You know what? Um,
how about you just surprise me?
- Can do.
- Thanks.
[announcer on TV] And the Bulls
drop into their triangle offense,
creating constant movement
between the players.
It's been the key to
their success this season.
It opens up for
Jordan. He shoots. Yes!
Pyramid ain't nothing
but a triangle.
Actually, three triangles all
leaning on each other. [chuckles]
Howdy, Ted.
[announcer on TV
speaking indistinctly]
Hey. So, uh, how
does this one look?
[stammers]
Why'd you bring me this one?
It's the best one.
[chuckles]
Well, this is mighty strange.
Hello? [echoes]
[disembodied voice] Hello, Ted.
Hey, that's me. Who are you?
I am the True
Spirit of Adventure.
Ooh, I like that. Well,
what's shaking, TSA?
Do you know where
triangles come from, Ted?
I don't know. God dropped
a square on the floor
and it broke in half
long-ways or something?
- Whoopsie.
- No, Ted.
It's debated that the triangle
was first defined by Pythagoras
as any shape with three
sides and three corners.
That's a good theorem.
But throughout history, many believe
that triangles have held special powers.
Oh, yeah.
From the Holy Trinity of Christianity
to the trikaya of Buddhism.
There's also that spooky eye thing
on the back of the one-dollar bill.
Oh, yeah.
In some Native American cultures,
the triangle symbolizes home.
Mmm. I'm sorry Europeans kicked all
them folks out of their triangle.
But the concept of the triangle
reached its zenith in 1989
when a man called Tex Winter, an
assistant coach for your Chicago Bulls...
- [crowd cheering]
- introduced his triangle offense.
The central component
of which was
for a player to always have two available
teammates to whom he could pass the ball.
- [Ted] Mmm.
- These three players formed...
A triangle.
Bingo, Ringo.
But that was never the
only triangle on the court.
For when the players moved, they
created more and more triangles.
Hey, you're right.
Actually, Ted, you're right.
Yes!
- [servers cheering, clapping]
- [server] Howdy, partner.
Hey. Can I borrow a pen?
- [server] Come on, boy!
- Thanks.
[servers] ♪ Yankee Doodle
Burger Barn Happy birthday ♪
♪ Yankee Doodle Burger
Barn Happy birthday, Mel ♪
World War II was
won by America ♪
♪ But the West was
liberated Thanks to Canada ♪
♪ Hey! ♪ [cheers]
[jazz music playing]
[patrons chattering]
[scatting]
- Do you play?
- Um.
- Um. [stammers]
- Yes. Yes, he... Yes, he does. He does.
He plays bass because Chet Baker... Chet
Ba... Do you know who Chet Baker is?
- All right. Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
Players in.
Pillows ready.
[players chant]
- [Isaac] Begin!
- [grunting]
Let's get lost now.
[patrons cheering]
["Let's Get Lost" playing]
[sighs]
- Vanilla vodka.
- Oh!
Oh, my God. He's still at it.
- Yeah. It's pretty amazing.
- [server 1 chuckles]
What the hell is he doing?
I don't know. But
he's got my pen.
[server 2] Derek's gonna
make you buy a new one.
Fucking hate Derek.
[both] Yeah.
[Roy] Fuck!
Let's get lost ♪
[patrons cheering, applauding]
Whoo!
[inhales deeply]
Good morning.
So, um...
[inhales sharply, exhales]
Last night...
Did we...
Did we?
Did we, um...
No.
[chuckles]
[Rebecca chuckles]
- Breakfast?
- [inhales deeply]
Uh, no. I-I have to go.
- Of course. [sighs]
- [inhales deeply]
But, um, thank you, uh...
- [laughs]
- Uh, you're welcome, uh...
[inhales deeply] I
won't forget you.
Yeah, y-you might.
People get Alzheimer's.
[chuckling]
[chuckles]
[Rebecca laughs]
Did we? [scoffs]
Oh, yes, we did. [sighs]
I'm telling you, Amsterdam, amazing.
Amazing. Uh, like, yes, we lost the game,
but my boss played in a jazz
band and then... [stammers]
[upbeat music playing]
Gerbrandt, Gijs, Gilles,
Brechje and Paul... [chuckles]
[speaking Dutch]
[all laugh]
Okay, doei.
Doei!
- Hey, Will.
- Uh, you speak Dutch?
Don't tell Jan. Where's Ted?
- Uh, he's in the back.
- Thank you.
["Mag Ik Dansen" playing]
Mum? Sorry. Yes, no... Uh...
[chuckles] Uh, what was I saying?
And then I met the most lovely couple,
and they invited me for a threesome.
Bonjour.
Coach. [sighs]
Hey, Coach.
[sighs]
Wait, let me guess,
Piggy Stardust.
- Rashers to rashers, oink to oinky.
- I love it.
[both imitate explosion]
[chuckles]
[chattering]
[sighs] Hey, sorry
about last night.
No, no, that's okay. I'm sorry.
You know, I shouldn't have let you
wander around out there all alone
with a head full
of tea, you know.
Uh, good thing it
was a dud batch.
What's that?
I wasn't feeling anything. So
I called Kenneth, he tried it,
couple hours later, calls
me up totally contrite.
Confirmed, dud batch. [sighs]
Huh.
It happens.
[stammers] Uh, let me
ask you a question here.
Is this anything?
The way I see it, we've been
playing too rigid, you know?
Our guys need freedom.
Go wherever they wanna go.
Follow their guts, their hearts.
Uh, as long as they remember to fill
in the space that someone left behind.
They gotta have one another's
backs, that's for sure.
But, you know, it's just
constant, nonstop motion.
Just going from position to position
until positions don't really,
um, even exist anymore.
It's fast, fluid, free.
With full support. [chuckles]
You come up with this yourself?
Yeah?
Congrats. You should
call it Total Football.
Ooh, I like that.
Which was invented right
here in Holland in the '70s.
Oh. Hmm. You think
we should try it?
Yes, I do.
All right, cool. Total Football.
Room for one more?
[all cheer, laugh]
[Ted] Hey, boss.
So, 12 unanswered texts,
three un-haha'ed GIFs.
We good?
Oh, I'm sorry, Ted. My phone
is at the bottom of a canal.
Is that Keats?
Nope.
Yeah, okay.
Hey, Will, how we looking?
Uh, we're two short.
Who's missing?
[bicycle bell rings]
You lovely people!
[cheering, laughing]
[Jamie] Did you miss me?
Don't fucking ask.
[Roy] Let's go.
We saw a windmill!
- [team applauds, cheers]
- All right.
Hell yeah.
Come on!
I-I bet you the sex
show was dope though.
[all murmuring, groaning]
- What? [chuckles]
- Leave it alone, man.
[sighs]
Everything okay, boss?
Don't worry, about a thing ♪
♪ 'Cause every little
thing's Gonna be all right ♪
Well, I appreciate it.
Singin', don't worry,
about a thing ♪
♪ 'Cause every little
thing Gonna be all right ♪
- [Rebecca] Whoo!
- [Coach Beard] Everybody!
[all] Don't worry ♪
[vocalizes]
[all] About a thing ♪
[vocalizes]
[all] ♪ 'Cause every little
thing Is gonna be all right ♪
[Coach Beard] One more time!
[all] ♪ Singin', don't
worry About a thing ♪
[Coach Beard] Don't worry
about that thing now.
♪ 'Cause every little thing
Is gonna be all right ♪
- [Coach Beard] Every one of them!
- [Rebecca] Whoo!
- [all] Singin', don't worry ♪
- [Coach Beard] Don't do it!
[all] About a thing ♪
♪ 'Cause every little thing
Is gonna be all right ♪