Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 5, Episode 10 - Stromberg - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
Here you go.


This is the first marble cake
made of real marble.

Sorry. Shit...
[both laugh]

I actually
bake at all.

I thought the...

I just needed something
to distract me.

I thought the hairdresser
from grandma Papenacker, the bricklayer.

But it's really dry.

I just wanted to say
thank you,

for taking such good care of me.

Very kind.


As I said, we can start again
start all over again.

Wasn't a bad idea

With us,
and with the apartment and with the...

Maybe we can
again with such 'nirps.


[Stromberg] What will that be,
when it's finished?

Somewhere you have to
You have to put your stuff in somewhere.

You must be crazy,
I'm still sitting here!

It says here,
You hand over the overall management!

Nonsense! There is
first of all a hearing--

How it ends,
you can imagine.

Just not!!

So and now there is silence in the box,
in the three here,

and that outside.
March off!


They want to take
to take away the overall management.

Oh, come on...

Paper is not only patient,
but also stupid.

They do not put to sleep
their best horse,

only because it
has galloped once.

Well, it doesn't sound like that here.

Everything half so wild.

I am looser than a loose screw,
they can't do anything to me.

They have to get up earlier.

But that is not possible,
because I don't lie down at all.


Come on, you don't have to eat that one.

I was too hasty
on my head,

because Mr. Steinke
it was signed off by Mr. Steinke.

You can see it here.

And it's a big construction site, of course,
where I should take more care, yes,

but to take me
from the overall management,

that would be with such cannons
on sp... Sp...

Hummingbirds shot.


Have you recently tried
to have internal mails deleted?

The way you say that,
it sounds like an accusation.

[Nübel] This is a listing
of complaints about your department.

And about you in particular.

Well, he needs it.

He can parachute under the
under the carpet.


Since you took over the department,
the complaints have been piling up.

This is a serious matter,
Mr. Stromberg!

Yeah sure... Look here:

you can also
from the back I just noticed.

Pensioner, also from behind.


Funny... hm...

[Nübel] The CAPITOL regrets.
extraordinarily, that we

in the future to forego cooperation
with Mr. Stromberg will have to do without.

Also to provide assurance,

that further damage

for the reputation of CAPITOL
averted ... can be done.

Thank you.

[Nübel] Huh?

Of course this is crap.

But I can do the Stromberg

Not put him back in the department.

The Tremmel makes constant pressure,
To get calm in the store.

So, the claims settlement.

[Tanja laughs]

[Ulf] Fun and work.
goes together only with the fewest.

With clowns, maybe.
Or porn actors.

In insurance, never really,
and the further you get,

the less fun.
Because "boss" comes from "Be-chef-tigung".

and not from fun.

And that really bugs me sometimes.

Your start
is behind the bulletin board.

- [Ulf] Everything clear?
- Yep.

Go ahead with Tanja,
I still have these.

You are and will remain a weirdo.

Watch out for the office terminator.

[Ulf] Damage group 2
must capture the bulletin board

and the group of private customers
has to make its way to my office.

Where am I then?

You're not playing at all, colleague.

I can flit with rubber bands,
they're really oniony!

If, then correctly,
there's another gun in there.

The winner is the group
that takes over the enemy camp.


And the losing group
has to finish the stock lists!

[Ulf] The thing is,

I realize it's going insanely fast,

And you're a desk zombie,

who has only printer ink in his veins.

You really have to pay attention there.

[Ulf] Everything listens to my command!



Fire protection!

[Bert] Give it a rest!

Fire under the table!


- Look at this!
- We're taking fire!


Damage 2!

Oh damage 2!

Damage 2!
[Ulf and Jonas bawling happily]

Damage 2,
Damage 2, Damage 2!

That swells a little bit.

Ah, there's no swelling.

The Lehnhoff even bled.

Lehnhoff is also a girl.

[Stromberg claps his hands.]
There. Kids!

Just a moment!
I have

an important announcement to make,

and before you hear it through the grapevine
I will say it myself.

It concerns me personally this time.

[Silence in background.]

And that is I wanted to tell you--.

[Jonas laughs.]
Damage 2, damage 2...

So, I have decided
to change something in my life.

And that's why I'm going to--.

[Bert] Now everybody has again
had fun without me.

Always I should never join in, I--

Ernie, just for a moment,
I'm in the middle of--

Nah, now I'm talking because I--

Fucking shit,
now shut the fuck up!

My whole life is on tilt,

And he comes here with Schnulli....

Because I'm going to stop...

I'm calling it quits.

that's what I wanted to tell you. Boom.

The Nübel and all
already know,

so it is no use
to change my mind.

[Phone rings]
My mind is as made up as....

Group damage here.

[Lars] I'll have the
x-rayed in any case.

[Sure, probably
you have broken your hair.

Or a severe abductor strain
in the grin muscle.

You can't just leave now,
X-ray or not.

Hello Mr. Nübel.

Mr. Steinke,
I wanted to see you anyway.

Yes, what happened here?

- [Ulf] Nothing.
- He ran head-on into me.

That was an accident, I tried,

the department
to motivate playfully--

Shots were fired.

Oh now...
With little foam things.

And then he purposefully
into me.

You'd better come to my office, Mr. Steinke.
in my office, Mr. Steinke.

[Stromberg] They even
even said at the end,

everything just a misunderstanding,

go on!
I said nothing!


You can not
pull the potato out of the ground,

and then expect
that it continues to grow.

Nah, friends.
Not with this potato!

So I don't know
whether that was so clever.

What are you going to do now?

I'll find something.

Don't worry about it.

Here, I can do some advertising.

Bernd Stromberg recommends...

- What do you think they pay!
- Well...

On the cutlet
you can still see the saddle print!

[Cook] That was obvious.

Getting fired and still
big mouth, isn't it?

- Just not fired.
- Just fired after all.

Just not!

Just fired!

I know this first hand.

The Nübel
was here for dinner earlier, right?

Right in a high arc!

Did he tell you something else?

Did he tell you something else?

Who, uh.

Yes honesty
was never his great strength.

Of all people, one talks,

who can't even make a
a real false hare.

The menu
is more mendacious than Pinocchio!

- Calling the slop food--
- Come on...

It's true,
this stuff needs a package insert!

Yes, you can cook yourself,

soon you will have
plenty of time for it.

This is one of the reasons
why I don't feel like it anymore.

To be offered such a thing day after day
day after day...

Raise your hand,
who really likes it here?


And who has the feeling
that on most days it is only

mud with a slobber?

Who thinks the frozen potato
just can't do it?

With 'a volcano.
you can't negotiate the eruption,

It's just going to blow up eventually,

Career is like skiing,

first it goes up laboriously,

but then often rapidly downhill.

Doesn't taste good either, ne?

Och here, half the team!

And if they.
your dignity

Put it in a bag,

and send you home with it,
then I'll go up!


[Nübel] Mr. Heisterkamp.

- I don't want to beat around the bush--
- He smells kind of funny, doesn't he?

I had looked at the performance figures
of the whole department...

and you are
the most productive employee!

Is that good?

I can see you have a sense of humor.


I have the following problem:

I think it is best
the Mr. Steinke

at short notice
from the department.

There have been
difficulties lately...

Ah! There I wanted to make cheese confetti,
with Andreas!

I forgot.

Anyway, my question:
Can you imagine,

on a deputy basis
to lead the department?

Me now?

This is something again,
where you then say April April,

long nose,
and then everyone laughs again!

As I said, transitional.

- Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.

[Nübel] At the moment
it is extremely important for me,

to ensure a smooth process
to ensure

and there you are

with your competence the right man.

And there does not come again

You would do me
a big favor.

To take off the Ulf because of the nonsense,

temporary or not,
I could get so upset.

After that they put him
also not on the job, forget it.

- You stupid asshole!!
- [Scream of pain from Lars]

Greetings from Ulf!

What is that, ey!

[with paper in mouth]
Mh, the colleague Pötsch!

Here, hold this for a moment,
and sign right away,

goes against the Kantinenkaspar.

Yes, I have heard,
that you are organizing something.

I think it is good,
that someone does something.


Do you know what I used to call the cook
I used to call him internally?


About glutamate.

And because his name is Martin.

Well, never mind.

When ours makes a mistake
is equal to the ass off.

And the Möllers makes only shit
in the canteen, because

he is the cousin
of the Welkenberg.

- Cousin of the Welkenberg?
- That's why he has the job.

"No more devil's food"

I think that's good.

Well, because of his stews
he certainly doesn't have the job.

Did you get that?

Do you have this?

Like the Ulf just now...

No? He did not want,
that this is filmed, ne?

Had to give me a briefing
and always say Berthold,

because the Nübel was there.
Don't you have that?

Too bad.

What a pity!

That finally someone noticed
that I have to be the boss here!

But it runs in the family,
that it takes so long.

My father was over
30 years in the shooting club,

but never became
became king of the rifle club.

And to me he always said
"You'll never amount to anything!"

Yes, but now I'm sitting here.

So, dad.

Whereas my father, he is more....

Nah, you don't want that either,
that the own father in...

[Telephone rings]

Deputy damage
CAPITOL Heisterkamp?


Oh Tanja? Didn't recognize you at all,
because I--

What do you mean, you stay at home?

Because Ulf...

Yes, but that's why
I am sitting here now, and--

Why dirty store?

I'm going to see
that everything will be nice here, and-- What?

I'm supposed to take her by the ass...

She said.


But I am now
still the boss here.


Can stay open!

[Nübel] Have you posted the petitions
against Mr. Möllers posted?

Mhm, everywhere in the house.

Wanted to give the noodle Nazi
a cookbook,

but you don't give a blind man
a picture book.

Do you mean,
you can just dump me?

Nobody wants to dump you.

After all these years,
I've been busting my ass?

- Which we definitely honor.
- Like a barn door!

The complete ass
and he kicks in with such boots!

I still have six weeks
until I hand in the hammer.

And until then I let the
a few more times.

Excuse me?

Could I get a new piece of meat?
I can get a new piece of meat, this one is tough.

Yeah, mine is too.

Are you guys stupid or what?

This is tough as leather!

Only because Stromberg grumbles,
does everyone complain now?

But that does not taste good.

You can not even tell
You can't even tell beef from pork,

when both are standing in front of you.
And now you are grumbling?

You know what?
Closing time!

We just wanted to
exchange the meat!

Eat your fucking files!

So, here I have drawn on,
how I imagine it here.


What are you doing, Ernie?


- What are you doing, Bert... hold?
- Berthold!

I believe,
it will be easier for all.

[When will
Ulf again?

Ulf, Ulf...
he's gone for the time being! As the boss.

Because I'm doing it here now,

and if we do it like this, then

we have it... you guys have it easier.

He only asks because of Ulf, because

The private customer losers
wanted a revenge against damage 2!

And that can only be done with Ulf!

[in the background]
Damage 2!

[Jens tunes in]
Damage 2!

Damage 2!

- Damage 2!
- Private customers!

- Damage 2!
- Private customers!

[all bawling in confusion]
Damage 2! Private customers!

[Bert] As a boss.
one is not automatically popular.

Like now, for example
As a king or something.

Where the people always cheer immediately

and they come on
Stamps come and so... Nah!

As a boss, you sit here first

and the others sit outside
and want Ulf back!

But that's how it was back then.

Where everyone wanted the mark
wanted to have the mark again.

But the Euro
has prevailed after all.

And I'm going to be office euro here now.

I just put myself
with you on resubmission.

But I already told you, I...

I can't promise you anything.

I would also like to
a little slower.

You don't know yet either,

what you want to do.

There are not so many insurances
there are not so many here.

Well, there is Helios,

where this is also such a store.

Yes, you see.

But I still have
six weeks left in this bum here.

And all the vacation and everything.

I still have opportunities here,
to pull out trees.

Whole forests!

Also for you!

Mrs. Papenacker, for you!

I did not know
that you were coming here!

Didn't the Mr. Nübel...?

[Stromberg mutters.]
What does he want here?

I don't know!

Yes, Mr. Stromberg!

I hope that Mr. Nübel
has at least told you!

He did not say a word to me!

Then I would have at least
already fetched boxes.

This looks very quickly
like before, Mr. Becker!

It's good to have you back!

I should actually start
start again in a few weeks, but

Mr. Nübel has asked me
to take over now.

I think he wants to
avoid a further escalation.

At the moment you don't even dare
in the canteen.

Yes, I'll go.

Well, that's office.

First the guillotine, and then

they play soccer with your head.

[there is a loud clatter]

That was my experience.
On the executive floor.

Career I wish.
not to my worst enemy!


If you have even one...

little bit of soul,

they make you
like rhubarb compote.

That's what it looks like.

Decency and morality
is shit here!

And with such an ass!

But I can do that too.

My ass is bigger.

[Becker] I have to.
actually thank you.

As silly as that sounds.

You were absolutely right at that time.

With me it was really 5 to 12.

Yes, how now?

I have to say in retrospect,

at that time I had
with the alcohol no longer under control.

I had crashes more often
as soon as I got out of here in the evening.

If you had not
themed, who knows,

Here are two more bottles...

Yes, take those.

- I'm not allowed to anyway.
- I don't really need it yet.

I learned in the clinic,

that you have to
to your problems, and

As far as the company is concerned,

I have
the beginning.

So go ahead and take those,

then I will not be
not tempted at all.

Yes, and

if you want, I would like to have
have a peace coffee.


[Becker] Mrs. Papenacker,
Would you make us two coffees?

Just for a second!

Group damage 2
must do the cowboy smurf

on the computer from Josef,

And for the group of private customers
here I have the Lucky,

I'll put that one on the table here.

And it may be shot first,

when I give the signal!
[a bullet whistles in Bert's direction.]


not until I give the signal!

Before that... do not shoot!

[Bullets whistling all around.]

[Bert, chewing]
Would be just fine if

the colleagues now
would become a bit my friends.

Because in the community it has become
become difficult for me.

And with the colleagues...
They are there anyway.

Every day.

And they can also
not go away for a long time.

In this respect, I would have them for sure.

For a longer time.

And that would be nice.

Damage 2! Damage 2!

[the battle is in full swing,
loud heckling]

To the smurf!!!

Tell me, are you stupid!!!

What are you doing?

He pushed me!

I didn't touch you at all!

Good! From behind you did so!

Oh shit!

- Check it out, Ernie!
- You broke the camera!

You did that yourself!

I didn't understand that either,
what was going on.

But the property damage
Is not as significant as we thought.

You don't really want to sell me
as a success story, are you?

A good personnel restructuring
I imagine differently.

And what is that there?

I have already

However, I would
immediately support.

What the man does every day in the canteen
commits, is without words.

[Nübel] Stromberg initiated that,
but he's gone now.

Was that the Becker?

What's the matter with him?

He must secretly put vodka
in my coffee...

I don't know either...

[Stromberg on phone]
They have transferred the Nübel.

To the east.

Faith can move mountains,
and the Tremmel the Nübel.

The Koch they have also sawed off,
and the Becker is at the Altglas.

Nah, umbrella,
I'm back here for now.

Everything as before.

What do I know,
six weeks plus vacation

and then see,
said the blind man.