Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 4, Episode 4 - Stromberg - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
Home contents, all well and good,
but what about broken glass?

That's not included, regular,

you get from me still on top.
Practically for free...

- Oh... that's nice...
- Yes...

Say, for example, what about,
what about earthquakes...

- Earthquakes?
- Yesss...

Tornados, tsunamis, global warming.

Nature strikes back,

one reads more and more often...

and here is a lot of nature,
in Finsdorf,

and in case of a tsunami your household
your household doesn't pay a cent...

look, I have prepared
prepared something...

You here just times...


[Stromberg] Boundless thinking even on.
10 square meters,

that is my strength...

You only have to sign here
sign here.

In the old store,
you were a laying hen.

[Stromberg] When you said there, today.
I don't want to lay an egg, but.

I don't know... a ham
or a sausage... I couldn't...

but here I can put what I want.

This is what comes here.

We signed.

[Stromberg] Two for one, for example.

If you with me here in Finsdorf
take out an insurance policy,

you get a second one on top,

cheap to free, depending on...

in former times... in former times there would have been
discussions for meters...

now I just do it.

No wonder I ran away
from the old bang.


Here, there's sertraline in there.

But that can impair the reaction
It says here,

and that's why I don't take it...

Mrs. Löppke said anyway that
mood swings quite often

are hereditary genetic.

Well, is Ernie telling you stories?

[Ernie] He doesn't listen
really listen...

first he scribbles
he scribbles all over me.

And then he doesn't really listen.

Yes, he also has to get used to
get used to everything here, ne Möppel?

But I don't care... because

Mrs. Löppke has also

that I should think more about myself...

yes and what I find so beautiful

and not always the others

Say!? Helge...

- [Jennifer] Helge !
- [Ernie] Nah,

I don't like that now.

He's so disturbed, man!


[Coffee bubbles]

This is not possible with
the child of Mrs. Schirrmann...

Yes... I know, but her ex-husband...

there was some kind of trouble
and now the little one has none for the time being,

where he can go in the afternoon.

In exceptional cases this is
no problem at all.

but as a regular matter...
you have to intervene...

And about the terminations...

- ...I also wanted to...
- There Mr. Heisterkamp

overreacted a bit.

N' bit is good,

he has apparently 5 customers
in the last 3 days!

That's a bit much I think
for a little bit...

This is not a joke Mrs. Seifert...

[Ernie] - Say...
this is now all over again...

Take care of it,
the sooner the better.


Wow. We have not had so many
we haven't had since...

I don't know... forever...

Yes... if God gives you shit, then
I'll carve a violin out of it.

and play Mozart... that has always been
always been my motto...

[Magdalena] You play the violin?

Nah, I play...uh....

Anyway... this has to be
be celebrated!

I would rather help Magda,
her husband has his arm in plaster.

Yes, that would be nice,

I could go earlier today.

No, come on... you'll finish here today
the filing today.

But today would be important... I asked yesterday
I already asked yesterday that I...

That this is picobello, when the daddy
comes to the office hungover tomorrow morning...

Man... tell me, did you scare me
scared me now.

This is for you, smell it.


There is something to celebrate!
17 graduations, this week.

That's great.

If this continues,
I'll be back here in no time.

Can you please give me
the folder?

With whom do you celebrate
such events?

With those we love,
and our wives.

I really need to do this now.

Let her do it,
she has nothing anyway.

[Jennifer] What's the point of that?

[Jennifer] - Man!
[Stromberg] - What?

I can't now!

I have Helge and with him I have to do
I have to do math with him,

he doesn't understand yet.

You buy flowers for 15 euros and
I hang the whole day in Doofdorf,

now I came all the way here and
then here comes nothing

and only because the short one

cannot distinguish between adding and masturbating
and masturbating...

Do you think I will leave everything
as soon as you show up...

That is so typical! With you it's
always only me, me, me, me.

I, I... I don't find...

And you don't seriously believe
that they will take you back, just because you

made a few degrees?

Man, they fired you here,

because you are a total failure,

because you are 'n' insensitive,

selfish piece of wood.
With you it's really all about you.

Have you ever done anything
for someone else?

Well, that's... isn't it?

Selfish... so how many times did I...
for Ernie the other day...

Yes well, is'n bad example now,
but I have already...

for some of them I have
here all the time.

- Right?
[Lehnhoff] - Nope...

But you know that yourself.

You are not without reason
now in Finsdorf.

So kids, now let's
Let's get down to brass tacks...shall we?

Who does not think

am selfish and...

And what she said there -- well?

[Stromberg] Here, in this store you could.
Knut, the polar bear sit down, as the boss,

and everyone would grumble.

egoistic and...

- Meal!
- Meal!


After all, we work here
in the insurance and not...uh...

Yes, in development aid, yes,

where all always heititeiti
with the negroes until everyone says great.

Selfish and insensitive
and I must say quite honestly,

for such a perception on my part,
I am not available for that.

- Meal time!
- Meal time!

But honestly I would have liked to have

from Jennifer Schirrmann

wished that she
knows me a little better,

or rather gets to know me...

[Magdalena sings]

Tell me, do you actually find
that I am somehow insensitive?

[Magdalena] Ah!

[Someone knocks on the door]

[Achim] - Morning!
[Magdalena] - Morning!

Oh, God. Say,
when the brains were distributed back then,

she was also in the queue
for shoes... or?

The Magda?

She is all right, isn't she?

That with the man is probably
not so easy.


He has his arm in plaster...

- It's at the slaughter...
- Do you think I am insensitive?

Or selfish?

I don't know now...
I would say normal, wouldn't I?


I saw a report the other day
on TV, about...

Dictators in Africa...

They just said that
that belongs to it a little bit...

I'm going to make coffee...

So, now pay attention:
You're going to have a nice walk today

rather go home... Mrs. uh... Prellwitz....


Your husband is in plaster, isn't he?

Oh come here...

It's going to be okay...

[Ulf] So... here, fun barrel, what is
red and flies through the air?

[Ulf] Bandage Maja...

One more... what is white and
interferes with eating?



You can book him here
if there is too much atmosphere somewhere.

Just call Ernie and
bang the mood is in the ass...

The Rodach people have
called again.

That's actually your customer,

I always wanted to be
to be a cowboy and an Indian.

But my mother, she didn't want that.

Also in kindergarten at carnival,
I always had to go as a clown...


[Ernie playing with a gun.]

Here is the boy from her,
he's allowed to have one of these...

Would be good, if you could find some solution
could find a solution for your son.

And preferably as soon as possible.

- Ulf...
- What?

Yes, I just wanted to say,
because of this Rodach thing... no...

I guess that crazy Ernie
has also given notice to them...

Did you guys catch that earlier...
with the gun?

Ulf, we are here in the middle
in a... this is official!!

Yes, it's all right. We are through anyway...

We were just talking about
how shitty my ex is.

Yes, I always warned you both
warned you both about men.


Do you actually make a marriage contract?

Before the wedding
before the wedding,

that everything would turn out so shitty.

Nonsense, prenuptial agreement, we don't need...
when things go to shit for us,

I'll buy Ernie a real gun...
and let them shoot.

most of the stuff in our
in the apartment belongs to her anyway...

I would do it next time
I would do it anyway.

Well, Stromberg will be happy about that...


Yes well... I'll go then...

As I said, with the little one.

I... something will come to my mind....


Why? He's got it right here...

[Tanja] What you still find cute today,
that one finds sometime.

only embarrassing.

Well, my second best friend
is now also getting divorced

after six years... I was
maid of honor.

Ernie, old shed tank.
How's it going? Better?

Listen, that was a bit unpleasant...
the other day with us at the...



I just wanted to...

Uh... Mrs. Schirrmann not here?

Mr. Stromberg...I don't know,
if she is not in the front.

- I don't have time now either.
- Yeah.

I just wanted to tell you, if there is something,
what I can do,

you can get in touch anytime...

So, I'm serious.

Maybe the whole years
here for all these years.

Jennifer will be back
right back.



This is all from last week,
the notices? What's going on?

Nothing at all.

They come from Ernie,
he still has a hiccup.

I noticed.

My dear Scholli...

And now you have to
everything straight with the customer?

Nice shit,

I say.

I drive there in Finsdorf just
a two for one program.

Sensational success, I must say.

I can imagine
that this also works here.

What do you mean, two for one?

Ah, here, I know the brothers
from my time...

With them I could always very well...

You know what? I'm going to do this for you.
I'll make a call,

then you have that off your back....

- But you can't now...
- Yes, I can,

...I will, running...

I am
the Saint Martin of the Capitol...

Divided coat is half coat,
applies also to work.

I'll sit in the front there.

Uh no... not that.
And then I'll make a little phone call.

For you.

Uh... Tanja.

Oh Ah.

[Stromberg] Yes, but that knows...
I know that it was terminated...right?

Yes, must have been a technical
must have been...

That's why I'm calling in the name of
of Mrs. Seifert, and I wanted to ask:

whether you know the two-for-one program
from the Capitol already know?...

Hm... yes then I would like to
like to explain that to you.

Yes, wait I n' moment....

[Stromberg makes noise]

If I let you do that,
tomorrow I have six others

single mothers with me in my office

and with all understanding, but
we are just not a day nursery.

Sure, I understand.

Helge!! Please don't do that!!

Ah, there's the flower of the Capitol....

And the Mrs. Schirrmann!

As I said, then you must
take a vacation, or

what do I know.

In any case, you can no longer take your son
no longer take him with you to the company.

I already told her the same thing.

Now you don't interfere
what's the point?

That's why I'm watching
on the short one.

Yes, I told you yesterday.

You look after the son
of Mrs. Schirrmann?

Yes, sure,

from me the supernanny has
also all the tricks.

I am, so to speak, Papa Longstocking.

If you mean like that.

- Oh... yes... right...
- Right...

Oh God, where did it go,
the fart knot?

Shit... Sorry...

- Helge?!
- Helga?!

Tanja said that you are in trouble,
here with ihmchen, and then I thought,

I'll make myself useful...

- Yes, thank you, that's really super nice.
- About selfish and so...

Is this your new friend?

I just told him
that we both once n' bit.

No, this is a work colleague of mine.

Full old...

So, now watch out
on sports friend--

Bernd, I can also look
that I solve this somehow differently.

Oh well, we'll go for a
a delicious ice cream, the two of us.

He does not like ice cream.

But he likes cars, ne, Möppel?

Cars! Super... brrrrooooomm...

Can't I sit with Ernie?

Yes at Ernie's, that's what's missing.
You come along to Finsdorf...

You go in, that runs here.
With children I can...

Only until six or so. Then
I'm through here and then

the Bernd brings you back, yes?

- Sex?! Hm...
- Yes...

You heard me,
today would not be so good,

if you hang around here today...


Oh come on, we'll both do it.


[Helge is in pain]

Ouch, ouch,
n' Indian knows no pain.

Come on, mummy is going to work now
and we both do.

Well... go...

- Ok, have fun, have fun!
- Yeah sure.

- Bye!
- Bye!

Listen... I was just upstairs
in the legal department and there I

asked Mrs. Stolle once
about a marriage contract.

- Hm... why that?
- They wanted to print us out.

A marriage contract?

For us now or what?

Not only because of money, it's about
also about other things.

Because now you earn a few bucks
more than I do, or what?

Well... it is not only a few bucks.

And who knows, in two, three years,
maybe I can

get ahead again somehow,

Overall management or something else............................

That's also about pension rights and...

Ulf, now wait a minute.

There you can at least
talk about it.

- Sugar?
- Nah, thanks.

Quite a lot of people have soul problems

and often do not even notice it,

a lot of women too,
said Mrs Löppke.

Yes, probably. I only hope,
that Tanja will soon get over it.

It's getting better with me, too,


I know too,

Mrs Löppke also said.

For years she always arrived and said
"yes... he is always so unromantic".

and suddenly she comes and says
"we have to settle pension claims

who knows what kind of awesome career
I still make here."

She's really nuts.

Yes... but I still find it
nice that you are getting married now.

With me also a lot comes from the fact
that I am so alone.

I know that myself.

Mrs. Löppke does not have to
to tell me that.


It's all going to work out for you, huh?

Wait a minute...

Yes, this is the injection...

Otto... and it makes sure that
so there is then the fuel into the engine

injected, and then the thing runs.

I thought you liked cars.

I am cold.

Yeah boy, then I don't know either.

- Do you want to drive?
- How now?

Here in the parking lot?
What is this here?

Yes, sure...

No Schumi has yet
fallen from the sky.

Have a seat.

When I was as old as you
my father had a Simca.

Put the seat forward.

My father used to
always washed it, on Saturdays... by hand.

He wasn't as loose as me,

woe betide me if I even
a crumb

crumbled on the seats.

There was already right and left.

[Stromberg] I have nothing against children.

Not at all.

Why is this shit not working now?

I just never wanted to become
like most parents.

And my wife at that time she
somehow not either.


But now, at my age
and with 'ner Jennifer

and in that case, the child is
quasi also already finished.

But I can even
still n' own imagine.

Yes, I can beautifully.

Would be no problem for me,
so from... uh...

Yes... From making...

How does it look like?
Can't be that hard:

"Shorten the following fraction
as far as possible,

42 Hundred...


I don't get it

And tomorrow I will write the paper.

Yes... 42...

Here, look.

Holy shit, I'm really bad
I'm really bad at this.

Yeah guys, guys, guys,
this is fifth class.

Here, Mrs. --> Prellwitz...

Oh dear, for me this is nothing at all.

Just 42 hundred and fortieths
down as far as possible.


Excuse me, that even you
even you can do it.

Yes but you can't either!

I'll probably write a six,
and then I remain seated

and then mom is angry.

Oh, that's nonsense.

No, besides it is
not about knowing,

how it works,
but you have to know where it is.

Who said that?


- Goethe?
- Iiiich...

I said that and I just said that...

Watch this,
I was never good at math either.

But I was world champion in cheating.

For example, if you
the most important things

on a piece of paper and put it for example
behind the label

of a water bottle.

Are we doing it already?!


[Stromberg] So.

There he is again
and as good as everything is still on it.

Oh no, wait a minute,
the nose is still missing.


And how was it?

I'm going to go to the front, OK?

Yes, but you stay a little

- We are about to go...!
- Yes, yes...

We really had fun,
the two of us.

- Yes, it seems to me the same....
- Yes!

Yes, thank you again.
It was really very nice...

Yes, it's not an issue.

I am happy to do it.

I already saved Tanja's
Tanja's ass,

with my patented Finsdorfer
two-for-one strategy...

That's what she said, that you
brought back all the customers...

Yeah not bad, huh?

I am not that selfish and as you said yesterday
you said yesterday, I am not...

[I don't want to hear
hear anything more!

I can't hear it anymore. You are
really like... you know how you are.

You're like Stromberg with tits!

[Stromberg laughs]

Ulf... very good here,
Stromberg with tits.

Ulf... listen, but
if this is already going on, before marriage,

then I recommend you but
a marriage contract.

Shut the fuck up.


Is he crazy?!

Mr. Stromberg, are you alright?


[Jennifer] Come on... wait a minute.

Ouch... Careful...

Yes, is he crazy?

Let go,

I'm fine.


So n' office that is often rather
like a fat factory, right?

One colleague builds up
and the other colleagues step in

and then there are
a few very few,

they can somehow
both at the same time,

like the Stromberg for example,

and... um...

And don't know such guys...

They trigger something in me
I don't know.

[Jennifer] Here on "Lord of the Rings,"
For example, yes,

there I also found the Gollum best,

not this whole thing.

fancy warriors,
or the cute hobbits, or something,

nope Gollum, he was always like that too.

Torn back and forth
between good and shit...

And I thought that one was good.

I don't know, maybe I'm missing
somehow n' gene or something.

In any case,
Stromberg is so'n...

Office gollum!

I only meant well...

But you don't have to
exaggerate right away.

- Health.
- Eeh.

Can we go!
I'm writing math tomorrow.

Yes, we'll go in a minute.

Yeah, you guys get out of here,
I'll be all right here.

- Yes really?
- Yeah sure...

OK. Let's get out of here then.

Shall we maybe go for a drink
go for a drink or something?

Yeah sure!

Ok, will you pick me up after work?


Do you know the "Hieronymus"?
There you can also eat something...

It's actually quite nice...

Don't know, at seven?


- Sure, sure!
- OK, good.

Ok, see you tomorrow then.

Come on then, Möppel.

Don't always call me booger...mama!



[email beep]

if it isn't Jennifer Lopez

In the middle of Capitol.

Did you tell Helge that
he should cheat at math work?

- Hm?
- With a note in the water bottle?

No, he should put the note
behind the label,

you can look through there then.

You told me to help him!

Yeah... they got him.

Now the work is counted as six.

- Och...
- Yes, och...

If it goes really shitty
he even stays seated now...

Aw man, that's natural...

Yes, but surely you can talk to the
talk to the teacher again, can't you?

Yes! Yes, about the fact that the boy is also
also has one on the waffle,

because of the divorce,
and because he always has to sit here,

and because he realizes that
the mummy money is hanging around

Do you think
I don't blame myself all the time?

Yes, yes... and because he just....

Boa... man!

You don't understand anything.

I might as well
talk to Ernie.

What? With Ernie... now
don't run away... run away!

You are insensitive again,
or what?!

Just because the fart sticks there?

- Bye...
- Bye...


I can understand sometimes
that you are not so good at it.

First it is said...

and then the women themselves are
insensitive as n' piece of meat sausage,

they don't realize how much
has been happy the whole day.

Yes here... I had
I had already given notice to all of them

because of excessive use
totally justified,

have checked above
in the legal department...

Yes but Tanja, yes,

the, she brought everybody back.

Also with such a stupid
two to one story...


Yeah, I don't know,
where she got it from...

Could the Becker, ne?
Of course, he was really raving...

Must take care of it again...

Hmmm... is not easy as a boss, ne?