Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 2, Episode 8 - Stromberg - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
[Stromberg] And if you
go up to the house, then... Ah, the Ulf!

Morning, look here, organizer...
everything is in there. Addresses,

Alarm clock, clock,
a thing for listening to music...

- [Lars] Wow! I'll get that too!
- [Stromberg] 299 Euro.

For 20 Euros more
they'll give you another blowjob.

Oh, bad topic at Ulf.
Nothing going on with Tanja, huh?

[No sex with the ex, huh?

Well, I could really start to...

[Stromberg chuckles]

Holla die Waldfee! What's going on here?
Moonlighting or what?

[It's a new company.
There was a notice on the intranet,

[Lars] because of the changeover
they come later than before...

Yes, thunderstorm shock,
the stick gets stuck...

Whoa! What a rack!

Yes well,
as far as I'm concerned, it can go out like this...

Nah, not that one...
there are still errors in it,

I still have the other one... Hold on

Did you already clear that one,
the black pearl?

It is exactly your prey...
in terms of color, isn't it? Hello.

Hello! I'm the boss here,
Bernd Stromberg.

Nyota does not speak German.

- Nyota, that's her name.
- Yes, Nyota.

- Today is my fisrt day here.
- Ah, that's...

She is from Tanzania.

- Yes, Tanzania.
- Tansa...

Africa, right?
Ah... interesting.... good.

Good, good , good, good, yes....

Here our Ernie, he knows about Africa...
he is our black man.

[Stromberg whistles]

Joke... that was just a....
In reality only...

Nah, I don't think it's good!
Africa is not only schnedderedeng.

I know that myself! Jesus Christ!
That was a joke!

Do you think I'm stupid?!
Afr... Africa...

is a big culture, right? Dancing...

and masks...
what does masks mean again?

- Yes, he's into dancing.
- Huh?

No, no. It's only a
Dance class...for beginners...

yes... I'm not good...

- What was it again?
- It's Salsa and Merengue.

- What?
- Uh,..yeah, I show you...

Yeah, come on Ernie, give it a rest....

Yeah, he is totally malle in his head...
you know... that's...

As a leader, you need.

Also build bridges.
between different cultures.

And I can do that.

Yes, come here now. Hello, here,
wischiwaschi again... No, thanks!

[Stromberg] No matter whether blacks,
Turks and so on, just such.

are more likely to work
on the lower levels,

where other bosses then say:
"come...!" Just not!

Because it starts in the small.

And such people then realize
"Aah, he ticks differently".... Yes.

...and they don't even have to
not even be able to speak German properly.

[Nyota knocks on the door]

- Hi there! This is...
- Can I do the windows now?

- The windows...
- Windows, yeah, sure, come on!

Dirty, no? Very... Let me give you a hand.

The dance before,
with Ernie, that was funny!

Yes, he's nice.

- How was it?
- No, no I have to work.

Oh, nobody works here.

[Nyota laughs sheepishly]

Come on, show me!
That was... Now I remember.

- Nice!
- Hey!

Don't touch me!

Oh... that is but,
that is temper!

How can he do that to me?
I am married, he just cannot do that!

He is... Pig Dog...

pigdog... but everybody knows that here.

Yeah, but how am I supposed to go
back in there after what he has done?

It's just, it's such a... shit.

but not everybody is like that here.

I am also a boss...

in this... thing here... and...

I can do maybe, something that he,
you know, get's on the fingers...

Here, this...

- What do you mean? Can you help me?
- Yes...

But... Smoking is not allowed in here.

Because of the... Fire Prevention.

[Tanja] Man! I spent two hours
with that stupid doctor!

5000 people in the waiting room...

- What's that?
- Oh... Yes,

what does it look like?

[Ulf] A nice mixed salad
or maybe a piano?

- Grönemeyer tickets?
- Yes! You like the crybaby!

In Hamburg?

[Ulf] I wanted to persuade him,
that he play here,

but he only does that if he
a record after your death

after you.

I have already picked out a hotel,
there are two options now,

- the one--
- Ulf, what's all this about?

Hello? Mrs. Alzheimer,
look at the calendar!

The 14th? Huh? Does it ring a bell?
It's our day!

I know,
we are not together anymore...

But I thought, Jesus is not alive anymore either
and we still celebrate Christmas.

Man, Ulf...
we can't...

Yes, you're as happy as a lark.

Oh, Ulf!

He grabbed me
and then he put his hand here...

He grabbed me
and then he put his hand here....

I got that now,

That is... sexual harassment!

I know people in the... Works Council.

- Works council?
- Yes, works council... it's [stammers].

They are for the people.
who work here...

- There's the woman...
- We're in a meeting!

Oh, come on, now... The thing is...
the thing is ... Misunderstanding.

I will take the case
before the works council!

In case of sexual harassment

- the fun stops!
- Sexual...?

- This is not possible at all!
- sexual be... me, or who?

There sit exactly the two right ones!

This is a topic to which you
can say as much as the pope.

- And Ernie...
- You touched me!

You think, you can do whatever you like,
because you are the boss here?

Now all come down
a little bit down!

This is the shit, of course.
If you're loose with people,

They can't grasp that.
Then the works council is about to come.

That's why in Germany.
also nothing progresses.

Works Council!

If you as a boss let n' fart,
then the works council demands

immediately a noise barrier.

That is why the Chinese are
are so successful.

If someone complains against the boss,
the boss simply shoots him.

Here you need two years
to even get a gun license.

[This is the bun dance.
I used to do it for you.

If you don't remember that,
I really resent it!

It was at the wedding
of your aunt, wasn't it?

- Aunt's inferno!
- Yes! Right!

- Fooling on a high level--
- [Ulf] Oh, now canteen after all?

- Yes, I met Knut and...
- That's me! Hi!

Knut is a freelance expert.

As a cover.
Actually, I am a canteen tester.

Tell me, do you remember
the chili story?

Um... with Bernd, or what was his name?

When you were gobbling like that?
But what was his name again?

Knut and I, we were once... well...

The ex, go ahead and say it! I can handle it!

- [Ulf] It's great...
- Ulf and I are also...

- We were together.
- Who is Ulf?

[Knut] Okay.

Yeah, then I'll go back to work.

[Ulf] They say, on her mother.
you see the future of a woman.

But by her ex-boyfriends
you see... yeah I don't know either...

- How long was he your boyfriend?
- That's a good question.

[Ulf] Somehow you only realize,
with what kind of woman one was together,

when it's over ...

A buddy of mine once said,
Relationship with a woman.

It's like eating knuckle of pork...

When you are really hungry
it is the hottest thing in the world.

When you are done
and sitting in front of the leftovers,

then it sucks.
That's kind of true.

So, is that it?
Or did you guys still kind of...


[Nyota's voice from monitor]
Hey! Don't touch me!

Oh... that is but Temperament!

- I'm not doing anything, am I?
- You just can't see right there.

- What? You can clearly see...
- And the tape from the other camera?

- That's supposedly gone, right?
- What?

That does not exist!

Normally you film every fart here
and when it comes down to it...

And the cameraman?
He didn't see anything, I guess.

Oh, there he nods! So no, kids!
Lirum larum, Erika,

then you probably don't have it
"black on white".

You will not get around a committee
not come around.

[Stromberg] Exclusion?

- Rejects!
- What kind of committee...?

Personnel management, works council
and so on...

Personnel...? I think that's nonsense,
but please, if you...

Mr. Stromberg, if this is not clearly
comes out of the world...

Such a thing is for the external effect
and also for the staff a fiasco.

If that even rudimentarily
is stuck to you--

[Erika] Well, then that's it!
Yes, it is!

Very good, a bit of order!

There the cleaners don't have to....
"I have the biggest..."

and inside it says "mug"
Have you seen that one before?

So, the mug?

Here, seen it before?

Nope! I don't want to.

You have beautiful hair today,
Mrs. uh...

What did... [stammers]

This is a Catholic bang here.

If I had a witness, who said,
that there was nothing, that would be great.

For example, that I don't do
because I am always correct.

in dealing
With the fringe people.

They have often made jokes,
also because of my girlfriend.

Bingo Bongo from Congo

or the white chocolate so that Negroes
don't bite their hand...

Yes, but this is just a joke!

Ernie, the way I talk about everyone here
somehow, ne?

Or, as I said, Becker is gay,
I don't mean in the sense of homo...

Or ihmchen here,
Stottermaxe, what's his name?

- Wilkens.
- Wilkens, from C5... is clear...

that I'm
Joking about it [stutters].

is nevertheless n' good employee.
Within the scope of his M....possibilities.

Yes, no... rather not.
I'll go in again.

What is this? What's this shit doing
Shit on my desk?

- Your shit. It was on my side.
- What?

Yes, if separation, then right, right?
Didn't you say.

- Have you got a wheel? What are you doing?
- Hey, if it bugs you,

you can sit next to Knut.


- Listen, that was a hundred years ago--
- Do you guys know each other from clown school?

[Tanja] Do you start now,
jealous now?

On Kasper-Knut? What nonsense, ey!

Who did you leave it for back then?
For Mike Krüger?

Listen, we both wanted to
somehow work it out.

Sure, so that in a few years
we'll have as much fun as you and Knut.

Ulf, really!


Did I say something against your man
from Hamburg-Mannheimer?

Knut is a free expert--
[Ulf mimics Tanja]

- So what if you are the man
from Hamburg-Mannheimer.

- Come on, yo,
- Yes, come, ey!

- There, is also yours!
- [Tanja] Say, are you crazy?

Yes, that it doesn't work out with
"let's stay friends"

That's a silly cliché.
When it hits you,

Then you believe it.
not at all. It's like...

You think the French all.
a baguette under their arm.

And when you're on vacation
the first one sees with it,

who really
running around... That's so dorky.

Men are all stupid.

That's something like that too,
which is true, somehow.

[Radio music, Erika humming along.]

- Mr. Stromberg, do you have a moment?
- It's really bad right now!

Please, very briefly!

I would like to sit somewhere else.
The one with Ulf,

you probably
probably overheard.

Yeah, that's, that's what I...
That's, that's what I...

Cheer up, I say, right?

You still have easily
a few good years,

before the gravity with you everything...
in so far as...

My wife is also back on the market,
but at that age, it's really getting dark,

so with women...

Another place,
we should actually...

Oh, just sit with me!
The separated sit together.

I just have to check with Erika
and the works council,

how many times per day
sexually harass you per day.

You can make your jokes about it for all I care
about it, Mr. Stromberg!

But maybe you are lucky
and Erika will burst after the piece of cake.

Then you just sit there.

[Tanja] Mr. Stromberg...

Because of the space, is there now...?

So, Mr. Stromberg, this is Mrs. Löhrs
from the personnel department,

Ms. Menze,
Mrs. Streller from the works council...

Ms. Burstedt represents the woman, uh....

- Ngasongwa.
- Yes, who did not want to participate here.

[Stromberg] can imagine,
that they prefer to sit on the sofa at home--

Mr. Stromberg. I would say,
we do this without a camera.

Nope! The guys can stay quiet.
Got nothing to hide!

- Come on, stay here!
- Well, as you think, Mr. Stromberg.

As you know, this is about the accusation of
of sexual harassment--

That's nonsense--there was nothing.

Mrs. Ngasongwa said
that you had grabbed her.

Gibberish! I tried,
n' bit the foreign...

Dings to integrate!
And bang, they stick me one.

- Everyone saw it on the tape!
- Mr. Stromberg--

In Afri... in America I would sue the
sue, and not vice versa!

I would go there
and say

"I can't speak since the
hit me."

and poof, she could clean,
until she turns black.

Or white,
or how do you call it with them, when--

[Becker] Mr. Stromberg!

- we are negotiating a serious subject here!
- [Stromberg] Yeah, sure...

- The woman Nanga--
- [Erika] Ngasongwa...

[Becker] ...said,
They had touched her buttocks.

[Becker] and with clear intent....

Buttocks touched? You can really ask
ask anyone here... Ms. Streller,

Erika, do you even have to admit
That this is not my style, buttocks....

Some say like this,
and the others say like this.

what are you doing here?

By the way, I always say "Sabbel."
Not that--

- Mrs. Buhrer is also in the works council--
- .Yes, sure, and?

It is about the story
at the birthday of Ulf...

At Ulf's birthday?
There was really nothing!

So really nothing,
doesn't hit it right and...

the other day after badminton,
with Alexandra Clausen...

there was also such an incident. I have
written down everything in detail.

I would say that we should now
turn off the camera.

Yes, come on, turn it off... Turn it off!

[Stromberg] Is it off?

Yeah, so...

All in all, it went quite well
with this committee. I would say...

First of all, it's testimony against testimony.

should surprise me,
if still something comes.

Whereby, they want to
of course, the women want to finish me off,

you have already seen,
the whole unfucked bunch...

They would like to blame me
to blame me for the Gulf War...

[Sorry, I've got the running slips
and everything on the floor.

No problem... I'll manage.

Great idea to swap with Erika.
I always wanted to get away from Ulf too.

Listen, such an Ulf...

I don't want to say on every corner,
but you can

from old cheese boxes
at home,

so you don't have to--
[Cell phone rings]

- It looks cozy here ...
- Oh carrot, hello...

- Here, these are your--
- I'll take you to the coffee kitchen...

Yes, and this...

I don't want to see the shitty Grönemeyer

Listen, this is all
pretty stupid, isn't it?

You said...
clear separation and so...

Man, this is really kind of...

[Oh carrots, that's very sweet!
I'll just have a look at the calendar...

Ouh, yes it goes! Yes, I am happy!

No, I am looking forward to you... yes..

Once around the world
and one more piece, so great!

I swear! Yes, me you too!

Shall I say how much...? ?
I prefer you to sauerbraten!

Till valerian! Okey-dokey! Bye bye!

- We have advised your case--
- And? Death by hanging, right?

So, as far as the legal allegation
Of sexual harassment,

there it is now up to Ms. Ngasongwa,
to take the judicial route.

Yes, then I'll go to
Kaiserslautern... uh Karlsruhe--

The works council has advised her
to go to court...

The works council!
That was clear that--

[Dr. Heinemann] Of the outcome
of such a procedure

also depends on your remaining in the company.

"Your"? "Her" in the sense
of me or Mrs. Dingens?

In this case, we would separate from you
from you, Mr. Stromberg.

Sexual harassment of a cleaning lady!

This is the very last thing!

There is no discussion
no discussion at all!

[Dr. Heinemann] If it's up to me,
then you fly!

Irrespective of,
whether the woman complains or not.

You can go Mr. Stromberg.

Yes please, go!

[Erika] It's getting tight for Stromberg.

Maybe I will run
for the works council.

Nah, I'm sitting with Ulf now.
Yes, a very young colleague.

Such an Al Pacino. Yes, dark eyes...

Yeah, where did he go?

So, Punch time is over! Up! Come on!

- Your separation is smooth, isn't it?
- Yes, take off!! Come...

[Knut] Does anyone have a piece of
of raw meat for the young man?

[Ulf] Joker, go away now!

Mr. Becker! Once again very briefly what you
what you said about being a team player and...

silk thread,
there is already something to it.

- I can work on that--
- I do not believe meanwhile any more.


Exactly that
I do not believe meanwhile any more.

Yes, I do!

- Certainly! I am extremely change--
- I have to go to the management now.

- Is there anything else?
- Maybe...

I don't know,
To the administration, or to the archive....

must be not quite an adequate post
in terms of payment...

Only that you can then say,
the Stromberg is gone,

Out of the department, that's going on.

Only that I
would not be completely gone...

You think a simple transfer
and the whole thing is out of the world?


So, just in a sense....

Mr. Becker, if at my age.

now still in another store

and then it says "has groped Mrs. Umbawumba
groped" there I can immediately--

- I have to!
- Mr. Becker...


Stromberg, have you actually
thought about it,

- to apologize?
- Huh?

Why? There was actually nothing...

- That's why I have--
- You are really incredible!

- Yes but--
- I'll take the stairs.

[Stromberg] Error.
After all, they are the salt in the soup...

Who has never made 'n mistake,
may also throw no stones.

According to the bible
and that is true.

And if anything goes wrong, I am...
the last one to stonewall and say "nope."

As a boss you have to make mistakes...

...and then admit it. Very important!

Here comes the German answer
to Knofi Annan...

It is possible that my humor
in the wrong neck...

just in English...

But then I apologize,
I have no problem with that at all.

Here, flowers and everything...

I hope now only that with them
does not mean Ficki-Ficki again,

or so...

- [Mr. Ngasongwa] What?
- I am Mister Stromberg from CAPITOL.

and I want to talk to Ms. Nga...

- [Mr. Ngasongwa] My wife?
- Yes.

I have a little flower
and some pralines.


Mhmm jam-jam. Can I?

- Can I talk to your wife?
- Who are you?

Kinders, so of course we stand tomorrow
still here. Wife home or not home?

Och, there she is, the woman!
Here, this is for you!

What do you want from me?

In the office the story...

-Who is that? Who are you?
- Hello? Come on, not physically now.

- What the fuck!
- Don't push, master!

- That is the pig from the office.
- Pig?

You are the one!

Let's calm down.
Come on, now let's leave this here....

[Stromberg] There was a lot of hoopla.
The black colleague

really wanted to get into my pants.
Then neighbors and police came.

Then it turned out
that the good Mrs. Nga...


Mama Bacardi and her gorilla,
they were here illegally.

[Stromberg] Nix registered,
no residence permit.

- [Erika] Yes, but the cleaning company?
- Didn't check that, of course.

Because that's how it looks today
in Germany.

Of course they took
right away and bye-bye.

Well, you won't get rid of me
you won't get rid of me here.

A croissant too?
Are the good ones from baker Hessbacher...

Yes, my ass!

That means that now
the harassment claim all of a sudden....

And the one with the eternal table-talking,
that stops me!

The back and forth with Tanja.
This is not the journey to Jerusalem!

[Cell phone rings]


Stromberg? Ah, Mr. Becker...

Nah, Tanzania...

Hmm yeah, I heard that too.

Jo, I would say
just go on cheerfully, huh?

Well, to pass the buck
I can do in this context...

...I just wanted to note.

We were thinking,
we will try again,

that we
continue to sit together and so...

- And otherwise.
- That's what it was mainly about.

Yes, mainly it was about otherwise also
and of course about the Grönemeyer tickets.

Do I really have to go there now?

- Of course, you gave it to me!
- Hey, the old one has only disadvantages.