Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 2, Episode 6 - Stromberg - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
That one was just right for you!

That's what you said with everyone.

- At night all tomcats are gray.
- Especially when the cat is blue.

Wait, I was
a little bit tipsy.

[Employee] "Was" is good.
[all laugh]

[Erika] Yes I am a little bit tipsy.

What are you guys doing here so early...?

[Mr. Stromberg, did you sleep here?
Mr. Stromberg, have you slept here?

Nonsense, I just had a little...

[Tanja] I thought you were staying
with a friend?

I thought so too, but the asshole has...
It doesn't matter.

[For the fact that I have not slept at all, I am still
slept at all, I am still fit.

[Tanja] Yes, I have to say.

[Stromberg yawns]
Why, where have you been?

What's with the ribbon?

- Fish looking for bike?
- This is a singles party.

Our fish almost found a nice
nice bike!

That was at most 'n folding bike!

Single party, you could have
you could have taken me with you.

When are you going out again
next week?

Yes, I'll come along nicely.

Or do you think that
you can't have fun with me?

I am Mr. Fun himself!

You can't have more fun than with me.

[Mr. Heisterkamp, it is not only a matter of
not only about the fact that you have

- Department want to be warned off.
- Yes, but rightly so!

There are terms from the
Animal kingdom fell against me.

I have talked to the colleagues from your
Working group.

- And also there were complaints--
[Ernie] - from whom?

[Becker] That doesn't
nothing to do with--

That must have been here, pfft!

Mr. Heisterkamp. Social skills are
important in management positions.

You definitely need to work on that!

Why don't you go for a drink with
Have a drink with your colleagues.

Or talk about
about something private, just casually.

No one has ever made a career
no one has ever made a career with lists and tables.

[rustles a package]

Marzipan potato, anyone?

I just have them in my drawer
From Christmas.

- No thanks.
- They are still good!

Here, durable until... Oh.

Well, but you can
you can still, um...

[a phone rings]

[knocks on door]

[inside, Stromberg's razor buzzes]

[Tanja] Um, you would have to sign the contracts for
Schwarthoff to sign.

[Stromberg] Mhm, put them
somewhere there

- I'm going to open a window, right?
- Mhm.

Looks a little bit here...

But it's not so bad.
Even really comfortable.

I sleep there like
Snow White in a coffin.

Well, a friend of mine works
with a real estate agent.

Oh, that was fast. Ulf
is gone and a real estate agent?

That's just a friend.

Sure, purely platonic, only with sex.

Would you sign these?

Yes Tanja, we two

are now practically in the same boat.

I am single.
You are single.

That's right
Ulf is over?

At the moment it is
a bit difficult.

When the private
crumbles away under your ass...

What do you still have then?

That leaves only the colleagues!

And we are like one big family!

I am the father, Erika is the...

Aunt. You are the daughter.

So first marriage, adopted, then
both of us, because...

Would still not be incest.
Purely platonic, of course.

I'll email you the duplicates then, will I?

We can also
go out, so without obligation!

[Stromberg] Office is also family.

Especially in this day and age,
where the actual families...

Where it often sucks with the
Quarrels, divorces,

and so on.

That's the great thing about the office family.
If someone doesn't suit you,

you just give them notice and boom.

[Stromberg] At home you pay alimony,
until you bleed from the ears.

And also the togetherness thing

is usually much better in the office.

Let's have a race
with the chairs!

Once around the tables the lap.

Berthold Heisterkamp,
the six-time world champion!

[Bert makes Formula 1 noises]

He had extra rain tires
rain tires today.

We are doing lottery numbers.
20 million in the jackpot.

Lottery numbers are also no
problem for the world champion.

In his lowered office car.

[makes engine noise again]

- Lotto World Champion.
[Employee] - Who, you?

Well, not yet.

[Copy machine buzzes]

Here you all are...
I'm going to make a syndicate,

here, lotto!

20 million are in the jackpot!

Everybody can participate
for only 10 Euro stake!

Here, only 10 cents, meet Ernie,
a game for the whole family!

Ulf. Ulf, this is endangering
of dingens at the workplace!

I reduce, 5 cents,
come, join in here!

- For 10 euros use--
- Happy hour, for free!

See you this afternoon...

[Tanja] With 'n work colleague.
Starting something is easy.

[Tanja] But breaking up is a
another story.

[Tanja] That's like you being an alcoholic.
working in the pub, but

very much want to get off the stuff.

Whereby here actually the alcohol
wants to make an end with me.

But this is not as funny
as it sounds.

You can't live here!

What... Sleeping is
not the same as living.

If I lived everywhere
where I once slept--

But these are
all your things here!

Yes, well, should I come to work
to work?

[Becker] I don't believe all this!

Is this your new hobby?
Collecting warnings?

You can have,
just keep it up!!

[Becker slams the door]

So kids, the father is looking for an apartment.

One, two rooms, also
slowly urgent.

So if you know something...
Can also be a shared apartment.

We are here anyway in a kind of WG.

Hang out together forever,
use the same toilet...

Dude, here you are!
At the ass of the heath!

Theo, what are you doing here?

Just traipsing around.
So, what's up?

[Theo slaps Stromberg on the plate]

- Oh, that's what you were telling?
- Yeah, camera and everything...

Come on, let's go to the office.

What, away from the ladies
is always the wrong direction.


- Yes, Mr. Hölter, Mrs. Burstedt--
- Dude, what are you like?

Mr. Hölter? I'm Theo!
Locke here should crash at my place--

- Yeah, come on, not in front of people--
- That it went shitty, I know,

but we will get it under control, promise.
Heya! [slaps him on the plate]

You're the friend of...?

That beautiful women work here,
you have kept from me!

- Hi there!
- By the way, this is Mrs. Seifert.

Wait, wait, don't say anything.

"True Love," is that right or did I?

- Yes...
[Theo] - Yes, I know my way around.

Outside leather, inside only velvet and silk.

Just like Locke,
rough shell, soft cookie!

So, come on now, let's
let's go to the office quickly.

What was that?

[Ernie] Yes, then you write in
sign in nice and clean.

[Staff] - Can I play too?
[Ernie] - Anybody can, but in order!

[Canteen noise,
Theo's voice stands out]

So, are these your numbers?

Nah, it's my phone number.

Haha, yeah that's a good one.

You can still make jokes,
but if we win

everything must have its order.

Wait, here still your
double security document.

[Erika laughs shrilly.]

[Theo] The old number, Kreidler Florett,
board with two wheels.

And I have olle Ihmchen
here pulled the mill to the left,

sprocket, chain, the pig knows
what everything. Ran loosely over--

Over eighty. Downhill even more.

Do you remember at the quarry pond?
There we even lost the cops.

And olle Ihmchen here so...

[Theo makes engine noises]

[Tanja] And you make music, or
how did I understand that?

I have it done.
I do music promotion myself.

Mostly independent stories.
Twelve Monkeys ever heard of?

Freaks of Nature, Cruel Nation,
Beat Attac and of course Hypernoise!

[Stromberg] - Yes, loud stuff like that...
[Tanja] - Sounds exciting.

Yes, definitely, he has...

Well, the food alone is worse.
And the ladies...

Here is only S-class at the start.

[Stromberg] Absolutely.

[Erika laughs out loud.]

I can't get over it
over it here, Mr. Stromberg so...

[she makes the engine noise,
the others laugh]

[Erika] I can't imagine you
I can't imagine you that wild.

Locke was fully in our gang,
our accountant.

Do you think I was born
I came into the world in a suit, or what?

Privately I am still,
from the mentality...

He is 'n Sülzheini, but otherwise ...

[all laugh, Stromberg
makes engine noises]

[Stromberg] Friends are the salt, after all.
in the soup of life.

[Stromberg] That is quite important.

[Stromberg] I'll put it this way:
Women are like toothbrushes.

Useful, important...

And so on, yes?

But, you should not use one and the same
for too long... uh, have.

Friends, on the other hand, is something for life!

[Theo sings "Born to be Wild"]

[he sings extremely off-key,
but everyone is having fun]

[Stromberg] A friend, a good friend,

that is the most beautiful thing
in the world, there's something to it.

I can't possibly spend
another night in the office--

Logically, I check the
and then it's on.

Watch out, the fuzzies with the camera,

that's what we were talking about,
Promo for Hypernoise.

The guys have an album out in
album out in 6 weeks.

- But I have no influence what the--
- Sure, it would just be great,

you need the promo,
I need the promo, that's how it works.

So both have something from it,
because one-sided would be uncool.

- Would be uncool.
- Totally uncool Locke.

Come on, let's go inside.

Love blows away, love fades away,

Friendship alone endures.

[Tanja] You're having a lottery party here?

Yes, in the meantime, almost everyone joins in.

- Even Stromboli has bet.
- When is the drawing?

Shortly before 7.

I got the TV specially,
then we watch together.

Can you hand me the tape?

In a management position, social
social competence is just as important

as the other shit.

So kids. Hello?
Just for a second.

The quarter is almost over,

and you have all done very well,
so I thought of something,

something special.
And I gave you

Tickets ready at the Prime Club.

- Hüpernoise are playing there tonight!
- Theo invited us anyway.

Erika, Theo said,
that he will have a look.

But I've really
really put myself into it--

Yes, but tonight
is lottery night here.

Ernie... Lotto is twice a week.
How many times do you play hopperoise?

[I haven't been to a concert for 100 years.
at a concert for 100 years.

[I don't mind, I'm a straw widow all week.
I'm a straw widow all week.

I'm also curious about the band.

Yes, I know them very well,
that's already...

Rock and roll I say.

No, Theo said,
they play funk and reggae.

[Stromberg] - Yeah...
- Yes, stop. Wait a minute though...

How did you think,
I even have peanut things...

- [Erika] They look really good, too.
- Erika, these are for later.

- [Tanja] And when do we start?
- [Stromberg] Yes, after work....

[all talking]

[Noises of stage dismantling]

[Erika] Was really great, was very loud!

[Stromberg loud] What?!

[Stromberg] Almost like old times!

[Theo] Remember your blood pressure!

[Theo] The guys are going steep,
in a few years they will be top!

[Stromberg] Absolutely, I said that before
I said earlier.

[Theo] I'll get beer for everyone!


[I must say, you have a cool friend.
have a cool friend.

[Stromberg] Yes, but he also has a cool friend.
also a cool friend, right?

By the way, on Friday
here again a singles party.

You can't get enough!

That's the right attitude!

Don't sit around at home
and make on family!

[Stromberg] Just party hard,
until we slur!

That's where we're going on Friday!

[Stromberg] Yes, I'm in!

There you go, Friday the party continues!

[Theo] I told the front,
the round is on you!

[Erika] Then here's to the noble donor!

You're welcome, prostate!

I haven't heard that for ages!

[Theo] - What, Herbie fan?
[Tanja] - Yes!

[Theo] Turn the music up!

[Stromberg] Yes, put a tooth
on it, there!

[Music gets louder,
they sing along]

[Voice from TV announces the
most exciting minutes of the week]

...Welcome to the
Draw of the lottery numbers...

[Piano music and vacuum cleaner]

Did we really win 420 euros?

[Ernie] Yes!

[Ernie] We got 4 right, almost even
5. if we had had 14 instead of 16.

[Stromberg sings] Capitol is a
Medic in distress, Capitol!

[Ernie] - We got four right!
[Stromberg] - Ne.

We have 5, 6, 7 right.
Here like this, the whole bunch.

All first class employees!

- What give so 4 right?
- About 420 euros.

[What? Show me.

So 420 euros would be
so 300 small schnapps.

So, friends of the night.
Guess who had the numbers?


5, 19, 22, 30.

Ernie, old potato, I'm going to buy a new
I'll buy a new mattress for it!

Yes, the profit is for all.


The profit is distributed
distributed in the community.

[Yes, but without me there would be no profit at all.
no profit at all.

I'm not the lotto whore,
who makes money and you collect.

I already give so... 50 euros
into the coffee fund, but...

I don't need a mattress,
I sleep at Theo's.

So I can donate the money
also donate, we do

nice hiking day soon,
with bubbly and so.

Capitol. Is, uh...

[Coffee maker bubbles]

Nah, it's just too late now.

I wrote you yesterday
that I will give you the money today.

Josef, I cannot accept
accept anything more.

[But I have my note here.
I just want to pay.

[Ernie] Yes, but my note is gone!

And for security reasons
I cannot accept anything now.

- What the fuck is going on now?
- Yeah why, uh.

Later comes Hänschen Piepmal,
he has sent a carrier pigeon.

And then good night, Johanna!

I can't accept anything, Josef!

[Stromberg] You said,
I can crash at your place!

[Last night
it wasn't an issue either!

As I said, the combo
a few gigs have burst,

and that's why they have to
bunk with me. How about a hotel?

To the hotel? Am I Croesus?
This is shit!

Take it easy. After
1000 years you call all of a sudden.

[Theo] I'm getting backstage passes ready,
to do you a favor, but

the promo is still
not progressing. Take it easy!

[Stromberg] Easy?

You loosen up when
you sleep on these chairs.

Ever slept on armchairs?

I haven't slept in weeks, dude!

But I would trade places with you,
that's a

- Imposition--
[Theo on phone] - Yes, what is it?

- Huh? No, I don't believe it!
- It can't be that important...

I don't believe it, dude,
I'll be right over!

Never heard that before.

[Tanja] Nobody knows them yet.

You could have asked me
whether I want to come along.

Yesterday I just didn't feel like it
I just had--

[Stromberg] Well you two, how is it going?

Ulf, Tanja and I talked yesterday
talked and I make you

times the Kai Pflaume.

[Tanja] - No really, we...
[Stromberg] - What?

Dear Ulf, dear Tanja...

Welcome here

to "Only love counts"!

We want to make your relationship
again afloat.

That's why you, Tanja,
will sleep at Ulf's tonight.

And tomorrow morning the
whole thing again.

- What is the purpose of this action?
- Yes, just like that.

I care about the private life of my
employees is close to my heart.

Lirum Larum. Tanja, the following...

- You have an apartment, don't you?
- Uh... Yes?

And Theo raves about you
in the highest terms about you.

Ulf, now not in the sense...

He would need an apartment at short notice.

Well, the guys from
of the band have something stupid...


Roch 'n Roller, we all know it.

I don't understand what you mean.

[Stromberg] In the office does not wash.
only one hand washes the other,

complete colleagues wash
colleagues wash each other.

It is not only about
"Can I borrow a paper clip?"

[Stromberg] Ne, it's about private things,

and personal I consider
extremely important.

Tanja, we are talking about a few days!

And the Theo vouches for the
Boys, and I for the Theo!

And that in 'ner insurance,
where we cover everything 3 times!

She has already queued up,
when I once wanted to borrow her bike.

Ulf, keep out of this for a moment.

- That's not true at all--
- That would be a big favor!

[Ulf] Yes, but favors
are not their thing.

Ulf] ... and also for the Theo.

Maybe Theo will also
with you to Lodz.

[Stromberg] Ideally, you have as a boss.
not colleagues, but apostles.

[Stromberg] people who unconditionally
believe in what you are about to do.

Even if from the outside others come,
and say you talk nonsense.

That they then say:
"Nah, now wait a minute,

in 2-300 years,
there you still look around!"

And to get this done,
that is my goal.

Without my paper I can
unfortunately do nothing.

Lotto is not anarchy,
there are rules!

[Ernie] The jackpot is also
not yet cracked.

And if you continue here
my, uh, lottery authority....

Then I disqualify you
for the next draw!

[Employee] - Asshole--
[Ernie] - I heard you're out!

I'd rather go to the lottery booth!

[Ernie] Yes then go ahead!

Go on then! See what I do
do with your ticket!

[The three others speak in amazement]

You guys are out for life too!

I just wanted to give you 10 euros....

- You are also out.
[Employee] - Screw you.

Everybody out.

[Vacuum cleaner whistles,
Piano music in background]

Whether girls, boys, girls and boys,
all listen to Hüpernoise!

There's in 5 weeks 'n album of!

But that stays in, kids.

I promised the promo to
Theo promised.

I am sleeping with him now,
and therefore... Uh...

Great, thank you!

Morning! Rock 'n roll!

What's going on here again?

They have destroyed
the whole place!

I was just briefly
in my apartment, and they have

I don't know what they...
Huge burn holes in the carpet!

[Stromberg] Just put a sign up
on it: "Here rioted Hüpernoise!"

And when they are famous,
you sell the carpet on the Internet.

That is a damage
of probably 3000 euros.

What kind of carpet do you have?

Can it fly or what?

They threw up on the balcony,
and one threw up in the bathtub...

You said,
You vouch for them!

I said
that Theo vouches.

- What am I going to do now?
- You have to call Theo!

Huh? Yes, I'll give you the number
of Theo and you can...

Or I can do it for you.

Yeah sure, rock 'n roll!

What do you mean by stuffy?

Ah, no, I didn't...
Wait a minute.

Theo says that Elvis
once threw up all over an apartment.

In Bad Nauheim, when he
was here with the army.

[Erika] What? So...

Yes, do they have
No liability, or what?

What's so funny about that?

Yes, but even Englishmen
are covered by liability insurance, aren't they?


I don't want to charge them
I don't want to charge them for Dresden.

[What do you mean "my ass"?
past", it's your problem.

Of course it's shit
for you, but...

Well, Tanja... This doesn't look good.

But you let them in
let them in voluntarily.

[Tanja] - What...
[Stromberg] - Yes, that...

From the side you have to
see it from the side, isn't it?

[But Tanja has only spent the night at her friend's
with her friend, because she--

[Stromberg] Wait, I said,
she should sleep at Ulf's.

But that's not the point!

Fact is, in Tanja's apartment
a huge damage has occurred,

because you put those guys in.
That's why it's your problem!

Yes, it is,
I do it too!

So kids, just a moment.
Tanja, come here a moment!

[Stromberg] Is about
Your damage there, so

By a concatenation of stupid....

Anyway, I won
won the lottery, and donate

Tanja all my winnings!

[Ernie] This is...
Where did you get the envelope from?

[Stromberg] From the drawer upstairs.

Yes, but this belongs
of the betting syndicate!

- Yes but with my numbers!
[Tanja] - That's 420 Euro...

Yes exactly, and it's all for you.

Because the department is like
a man behind her.

[Stromberg claps - alone]

Nah, this is due to all
who have typed!

So you want to leave Tanja
leave in the lurch?

That's kind of...

Without you Tanja would never be
in this situation!

And that you interfere all the time,
I also do not understand.

So, here, hold this...

Jesus, now it's

450 euros!

For 450 Euro you can get in Africa
you can get a whole tribe,

that's probably enough for a new flokati.

[Stromberg] As soon as you give someone the little
finger, he wants the whole arm.

And then another one.

And one more and
you are there in no time.

For a boss this is
an extremely fine line,

between nice guy and poor Willi.

You have to be incredibly careful there.

There the daddy does again

50 euros on top,

but then also wants to hear nothing more.

[The improvised bed creaks]