Stromberg (2004–2012): Season 2, Episode 2 - Stromberg - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
The below that remains the same now.
And policy number is new--

Mrs. Burstedt, settled in again
in the old place of work?

Yes, thank you, Mr. Becker,
it is somehow

as if I had never been away...

Yes and now Ernie is here,
he shows me everything

- The new colleagues and everything new like that?
- Stop it now...

Yes, but in principle I would like to be
alone again... Stop it!

As I said, I can only apologize again
for Mr. Stromberg.

[Erika waves off.]
The thing with the dismissal was, of course....

The court has
said everything necessary about it and...

Now you are here, Mr. Becker.


- Good morning, Mrs. Landsgret.
- Good morning, Mr. Becker.

Thank you for the report yesterday.
Yes. That was 1A!

Want to be popular at work,
so that everyone is happy to see you,

You don't have to be a boss,
but clown.

Whereas even the clown.
is at the bottom of the circus hierarchy.

Even the guy,
who sweeps up the tiger shit,

Even he laughs at the clown,
but not in a good way.

Do you understand?

I'm not afraid of being unpopular, either.
making myself unpopular if I have to.

Erika also here again?

I just want to say that I
personally very happy about it...

Whereby I think, however, in general,
that my employees already...

so that I am already
very popular...I think.

In principle...

Tell me, can you park
park your bacilli rags somewhere else?

Ulf, now let me.

Well, you two lovebirds,
as always hard at work...

I was thinking, how about a little
with a little get-to-know-you round,

that old and new colleagues
get to know each other?

Yes, Ulf now not gangbang
with touching, what you already again...

No, just relax, it does not have to be so
always be so'n beckermäßiges rumlabern.

So, to get to know Tanja,
an orange dance, the two of us?

- I have flu.
- Oh!

Yes, then here, vitamin C,
I give you...

Nice after lunch in the confi, ne?

[Lehmbach, after noon,
informal getting to know each other in the confi...

- Lehnhoff.
- How?

- Lehnhoff, not Lehnbach.
- Yes, anyway.

[Erika] As soon as you are
for half a year,

our Ernie starts directly
what with all kinds of women.

- He makes them all up.
- That's my private business.

- Was there already a nice woman?
- But she only wanted his body.

Annette said that I had beautiful,
muscular lower legs.

[Stromberg] Like this.

Almost all together,
then we can start.

Mr. Stromberg... Ulf,
he has me here again...

Ernie, this is bad now. So,
just spread out loosely around the room.

It's nothing official.
I'm just trying to get us all to...

get to know each other a little bit,
the old and the new... that you...

Yes, so casually times.

Come. Nope. Here, start!

Leh... Lehmann starts.


What am I supposed to do now?

Yes, just loose from the loin,
so, bang, I am this...

I'll do this... and pipa... po.

Yes, well...
my name is Lars Lehnhoff.

I do damage area 2a, 2b...

- and c...
- Yes... Running...

Getting people together is certainly
One of my very great strengths...

I have always been
good with people.

Once you have the sympathy of your people
once you have them, you've sort of won.

[Lehnhoff] I also like to watch a bit of
a little bit of television,

after work... [stammers]

- and treat myself to a...
- Yes, come on, that's enough . Thank you.

Now, here...

Here, you....
Yes, Gandhi. [laughs]

Here with the...
All great generals...Caesar,

Napoleon, Stalin...

It was all about sympathies,

they could then also stand up
and say: "Guys, you're all going to die!"

and the people
then shouted, "Hooray!"

Yes, that's how it is.

- Yeah, I don't know... Do I work here?
- Yes.

Yes, sometimes.

Yes, come, here the new ones too!

- Am I rather young?
- Yes, I think you can say that.

- Do I look good?
- But hello!

Then I am Tanja!

Oh come here,
for this you get some bacilli!

- Yes, but it is wrong.
- Ernie, you killjoy!

Either you play it right
or not at all and he does it wrong.

Am I out of my mind?

- Am I Ernie?
- Yes...

[Cheering and clapping]

That's silly.
He didn't really play it at all.

[Stromberg] Look out, me now!
Make me one!

Now me! Watch out!

- There!
- It's sitting.

So, now pay attention... [stammers]

- Do I work here?
- [All] Yes...

- More boss, or... ?
- Yes...

- And popular, right?
- Mhm... Yes...

Am I me? Stromberg, right?
It was easy...

Ha ha.
[All giggle]

I should have asked better:
"Am I gay", right?

If you all would have said: "Jo!"
and then I would have bagged it.

Or am I clearly younger than 45?

[All laugh]

Now set the clock, Erika!
Come on, now you!

Erika, now you.

Yes, what is it?

- Hitler?
- Mhm...

Yes, here, the...

We don't vote only people
who work here?

But also people who used to do a lot of...

Hitler is a historical figure!
Especially we as Germans should--

Your behavior is absolutely unacceptable,
Mr. Stromberg.

At Mrs. Burstedt's of all places,
where you...

You will apologize to her!

I just wanted the department
to loosen up a bit.

- So'n bit...
- That worked out excellently.

The people down there think that
nobody is interested in them up here.

That up here everything human
doesn't give a damn,

when down below people are really slaving away.

- Against this I wanted to--
- Who says that?

All of them. [stammers] Some.

[Stromberg] You won't hear that up here, of course.
up here, of course.

- I am very close to--
- So my impression...

is really not that the employees
find me extremely unsympathetic.

[Stromberg] Yes, well Hitler also thought
until the end that the Germans....

[Stromberg] Then why don't you continue
with your sympathy strategy.

I would like to continue my intriguing.... uhh,
integrative activities continue--

Good luck with that, Mr. Stromberg.

But please do not organize such things
please not during working hours.

And see to it that you offend as few
offend as few employees as possible.

[Door closes]

Mhm... tastes delicious!

Mhm... 40% fat!

Nah, I am not allowed to do that!

[Ten, twelve pounds
still have to go down.

With me, a lot is also genetic.
There are photos of my father....

Well, you two graces,
also not the canteen?

Hitler... Erika I wanted to
again to...

Hitler box.
I mean, I have there...

I didn't talk to you personally about...
that's clear!

I mean it was small... and...

slim and also not a woman.

That's how long you've known me,

that... I take this as a joke--

Like the other day,
When you dismissed me?

- Oh...
- [Erika] I laughed a lot then, too.

That was eighteen-century cauliflower,
Erika, that is long since time-barred....

I can still remember it very well.

and here is plenary meeting again?

[Stromberg] Nothing to do?

[Stromberg] Lirum, larum,
I would say that we...

- Bygones be bygones, right?
- Yes!

Otherwise, that was very nice!
We can do that more often!

We can all together
do something after work--

[Lehnhoff] We can
all go dancing together!

[Stromberg] Yes, dancing!
Good suggestion from the...

[Radio music]

Disco and such... Ramba-Zamba.

We can go with you
to the senior dance.

I am quite often
in discos, Erika.

Could I... if I...

Another advantage is that I.
Binder between old and young.

I can put myself
put myself in the place of older employees...

Whereby, myself of course, mentally...

shortly after the voice change...

respectively... young...

simply... young!

This balancing,
that's what you need as a boss.

- [Erika] So I'm for bowling!
- Oh, yes!

Oh, bowling
is something for very old people...

Dancing, it's on!

Nah, I don't believe it!
When the department does something like this,

after work, then,

the department also decides
what we do.


Yes, democracy... great,
who is for dancing?

- Yep!
- Who is for bowling?

[Stromberg switches off radio]

Yeah, bowling, great, going.

You can always dance.


Hi there! Yes, here I am again.

Jawolle, I have one too.
Comes a Chinese to the vet...

and says: "Hell Doktol,
I think my dog is silly".

Says the doctor: "Why?" And the Chinese man:
"It tastes so funny!"

- Erika can you just take--
- Ernie got it right.

- He's cute as a button!
- This is my privacy...

- I've done this a hundred times...
- He's talking on the phone...

- ...all day.
- Really? Probably with mom, right?

Yes, bye bye müsli.

I also do not run around and tell
Hampel and Pampel your private stuff!

- To whom?
- Yes, with me there is nothing,

and that Tanja and Ulf
Tanja and Ulf have problems, everyone knows!

I have to go drinking with the guys.
Not my fault,

That it falls on bowling. Doesn't anyone else
no one else brings his girlfriend, huh?

That's nice! We just do
bowling with partners.

Great idea, Erika! Tear me calmly
right in! Sign here.

Then we will meet Ernie's flame

Yes, if he has
has blown it up again.

Let me tell you something, ah....

Yes... Mama, I know...

Wait a minute...

Man, I'm on the phone,
you assholes!

Like this, mom?

I didn't... yes well I did,
but only because Mr. Steinke...
[Erika giggles]


I don't understand, you can
also drink beer while bowling--

Come on! But not with the guys-->

...this is once a year
And we have been doing this for years.

Now I go there on Friday alone?
When I'm not well anyway?

They are the same noses as here!
You can go there alone, too, can't you?

All the others also come with partners.
Erika talked to Stromberg--

Yes, all the kids are having fun,
except Tanja, she is there without a man.

Yes, sorry, that one was stupid....

...but also a bit funny, isn't it?
Come Tanja!

[Ulf] I think in a relationship must
the man must be the man.

and not the puppet. I mean,
Women, if they want something...

It's like the water torture....

With the Chinese, or where was that?

There it drips again and again
on the same place

and at some point you get soft...

There you have to watch out,
otherwise you have nothing more to report.

[Becker] Behind us these cops...
Mud was coming down on the left...

we at this pebble path--

- [Stromberg] Meal time! Can I have a go?
- Meal time.

.....I think to myself, what's going to happen?
My brother-in-law will hold me--

- Friday nice bowling out, what!
- I'll tell you about my last vacation.

In any case, my brother-in-law thinks
his colleague holds me,

The end of the song is, both let go
and I slap right into the lake.

So waterproof
the clothes were not then nevertheless.

I always say, sport and me,
two worlds collide.

[Stromberg] I was in sports
always been a cannon.

At the Bundesjugendspiele I almost had
almost had a record score.

I went to the fat Winfried,
who held the tape measure for the jump,

said: "Make 20 cm more with me,
otherwise you'll get some on the..."

Yes, then he also did that.

- More coffee, anyone?
- Oh yes, thank you.

Then we make now
a little bit of space.

- [Becker] Continue to enjoy your meal!
- [Stromberg] Yes.

So, if someone comes to the lake,
in there are still my hiking boots....

[Nicole] I never could long jump either.


Long jump, because you told that,
with the federal youth games.

[Stromberg] You can also.
suck up from the top to the bottom.

All the warmist bosses,

who make a fool of themselves
make an ass of themselves with the employees, in order to be popular.

Not my thing!

I am for clear hierarchies.

- [Nicole] Does it taste good?
- Nope.

God did not say to Moses:
"Here Moses, if you feel like it,

i wrote down a little bit,
what I do not find so good,

look over it, maybe
you can do something with it."

Then it was bang, ten commandments!

Who does not parry goes to hell.
Boom out, Santa Claus. That's how I do it.

Oh, that's...

There she gave me...

Well, she's really...

Now that's a sweetheart,
she sends me...

Here, the Vanessa
has sent me a Kumita.

- Short... ähh SMS.
- Totally private, I'm sure.

Yeah, but...

Here, "Hi Bert,
quiet bowling is okay"...

And now watch out!
"I'm looking forward to it, your Cindy."

About Cindy and Bert, you know.

They used to sing together:
"Always on Sundays..."

- Dibidibi...
- Exactly! My name is actually Bert...

- ... and then I thought--
- Yes, it's me.

- It will take a moment with the files.
- That's when I made the joke...

I have a colleague here,
who talks to me about private stuff.

Here, Vanessa
wrote me a Kumi... SMS written.

I really do not have the nerve right now.

Yes, but the thing with Cindy was of course
just a big joke, because...

...I went to her...
so, because of Cindy and Bert, you know?

[Cheering and clapping.]

[Stromberg] So, Kinders, evening!

- Evening.
- Evening.

- I would have been on time, but
my old ego... you know how it is!

- Becker, hello.
- Yes, this is the new guy, Mr. Becker.

Mr. Becker,
we're going to bowl one out today!

The winner gets Tanja
and the loser gets Ernie...

Ernie, where is your buckle?
I thought it was coming today.

Vanessa, was on the way, but had to get
to get potting soil,

for the cat. This is totally crazy!
Because your cat doesn't like cat litter.

- Then the car was towed away.
- Oh, come on Ernie!

That's right!
It wasn't even in a no stopping zone!

Then we will do tonight
best charity bowling for the Ernie...

Let's all throw together afterwards
and buy Ernie an hour in a whorehouse,

so that the misery stops...
down there.

[awkward silence]

Kinders, now don't be
catholic! It was just...

A cool blond for me and my...

Healthy competition is in the profession.
extremely important, no question at all!

without competition nothing moves!

That's inside the human,
from the evolution on...

First single-celled organisms,

then jellyfish, then fish,

then mammal...

And the mammals
did not say to each other,

Super, finally out of the fucking water,
But it's also good for a change.

No, it still goes on...

and rightly so,
it just must not become unfair.

And jellyfish vs. mammal....

She has nothing to gain from...

the evolution.
And I don't take part in something like that!

[Skittles fall]

So, and another ticket
for Mrs. Stromberg!

Here Biggi, where are you?
Very good penultimate!


So, who is next? Lehn...


Boiler the thing
into the Carpathians again,

otherwise this round will be no more.

I thought you were driving.
But this is already your fourth--

- I am. Am I a man or a mouse?
- I asked you extra before!

I would like to have a drink
something to drink.

[Stromberg] Come on, now....

Here, very good, Lehnhoff!
You're not so...

I have to make a real effort
and warm up...

[Cheering and clapping]

You might as well have some fun!

Just be a bit spontaneous!

I thought we would go bowling!

Take it easy and now you have to
with your "I thought you were driving"--

Sure, now it's my fault again, right?
Now I'm to blame for everything.

- You said you were driving!
- Come now is good!

So, kids, watch out!
The cone king!

Here you can learn something,
watch and help to build!


I'm a very social guy, after all.

But not necessarily always.
with other people.

[Stromberg] An exaggerated
humptata and tralala.

is not automatic for me.
a successful evening.

I can have fun in other ways!


What are you doing here? [joyful]

- What is it?
- Yes nothing!

Come on, do it!

I said,
the department is quite nice, isn't it?

- Especially me, right?
- Yes, especially you!

[Lehnhoff] I think so too,
everybody is quite nice.

Too bad,
that my girlfriend could not come.

You have to think of a girlfriend
and then bring her with you, right Ernie?

So Ulf, look,
a hickey from Vanessa!

Ernie, you should not always have
the vacuum cleaner to the neck!

- [Stromberg] Well kids, how's it going?
- An apple spritzer and a beer.


But with us is also
quite remmidemmi, what, Lars?

We are through. How far are you?

We are basically through as well...

But now I'm getting in. If I already
let my boys drink alone,

then I want at least
here 'n bit clear.

Write all this here
on my lid.

We're having fun here, aren't we?
Are we having fun?

Such fun
you can look for in other department!

Are you lucky
that you are with me, right?

The Becker would never have
come up with something like this!

If I had not said

"Gee, Becker,
let's go bowling!"

He's got a stick up his ass.

He has a big stick up his ass!

You can carve a whole wall unit
out of that stick, can't you?

- It's a bit stiff sometimes.
- Who?

- Becker!
- I find him actually quite nice.

[Lehnhoff] Yes, me too.

Yeah, never mind, Karl, come on,
let's bowl one out now, ne!

- Come, follow me!
[Squeaking laughter]

I'm getting the hang of it
really out, what!

So, Mr. Becker we both
roll out now times beautifully one!

[Ernie] No way!
Oh, that's...

[Ernie] Where did you come from now?

So, everybody...! This is the Vanessa.

Yes, hello.

I'm sorry I'm late.

The assholes have towed
towed the car. Just like that!

I was standing at the most in the restricted...

Yes, anyway
I had to release the cart first....

Yes, she first had to
to release the cart.

- Let me introduce you. This is Erika.
- Hello.

- Hello, Vanessa.
- Your husband, Jochen...

- This is Ulf.
- Hello, Vanessa.

- This is Tanja.
- Hello.

This is Mr. Becker.

Oh, man,
look here is the camera.

[Ernie] This is Mrs. Stromberg.

- There's Mr. Stromberg in the back.
- [Stromberg] Yes, I'll take one more!

I'll introduce you to the others, too.

[Ernie] The Woman.
makes life altogether more beautiful.

When you
has such a bit of heart bubbling... can rain outside... yes,
if the then all at once...

So when she then calls,

or you think about her...

Then, I have to say, that's...

...that you can
bend out of wire.

Then the world is a snooze.

Yes, Ulf used to say:
"Do you call your mother Vanessa now?"

What you probably don't know,
Bert has really gifted hands.

- Really?
- Really!

I had a double shift the other day.
I work in the--

[Stromberg, drunk]
So, look out, me here now!

I work in the Vinzenz Hospital.

Bert picked me up, totally cute!

- [Stromberg] Where is my beer?
- And bought food.

He then gave me
massaged me for an hour.

- Really, the hammer!
- [Tanja] Here, are you writing?

[Ernie] I really only do that
with special ladies.

Are you wearing the red one again today,
that you can flit like that?

- What are you doing? Are you 12, or what?
- [Stromberg] Look here, made it.

[Becker] Anyway, it's very nice,
that you still came!

- [Stromberg] Strike!

Yeah, I got you now! Mr. Becker!

Did you see it?
Now I've got you, Mr. Becker!

Did you see it?

Now it's my turn again
and then I have two hundred... Thing...

...ten years younger and all that shit...
whole shit...

Watch out, now I'll close the bag!
[Stromberg cheers drunkenly]

[Stromberg] Stromberg has done it
and the applause of the crowd

erupts, yes!

Stromberg is the best!
And not because he is so popular.

because he still has one in store!

[makes fart noise]

And Becker is only second!

Yes, Becker, there you look,
no, there you look!

[Stromberg is the best
in life experience...

[Stromberg] In... everything!

Put a lid on it and for all
just once more... also for you!

Today is really a special day...

[What were you thinking
thought, Mr. Stromberg?

This was supposed to be a bowling evening
and not a booze-up.

You can't just get
get drunk.

You represent the Capitol!

I was just ashamed!