Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993–1999): Season 4, Episode 7 - Little Green Men - full transcript

Nog is about to leave for the Academy and Quark spots a perfect opportunity. He has just received a shuttle from his cousin Gaila, that was promised him ten years ago. He doesn't trust it and asks Rom to, but he can find nothing out of order. Quark and Rom decide to take Nog to the Academy with it. Not because Quark approves or wants to do the boy a favor, he wants to take contraband along: kemacite. When they arrive at Earth, they find out Gaila intention's weren't so good after all. He sabotaged the ship, they can't get out of warp and eventually it will tear to pieces. Rom can think of only one thing: start a cascade reaction in the kemacite, create an inversion wave in the warp core, then crash land on Earth and hope for the best. When they wake up, they are locked up in a room. Earth seems to have changed a bit. It's 1947... Roswell, New Mexico. The three "aliens" are then taken by the local authorities who are both fascinated and fearful of these extraterrestials, and Quark must find a way to con their captors in order to escape and find a way to get back to their own time.

All right, everyone,
gather around.

We're about to start.

When a young Ferengi
goes out on his own

he traditionally raises capital

by selling
his boyhood treasures.

As you know, my son, Nog

will be leaving
shortly for Earth

and Starfleet Academy.

I'm going to miss him,
and I know you will, too

and what better way
to remember him

than to purchase one of his
very own personal belongings.

I don't know about you,
but I'm buying these pajamas.

That'll be
three strips of latinum.



Let the buying commence!

No reasonable offer
will be refused.

I didn't expect to see
you here, Mr. Worf.

Captain Sisko made it a personal
request that I attend.

He seems to have taken some
interest in the young Ferengi.

Well, the Captain sponsored

Nog's application
to the Academy.

A Ferengi at the Academy--
I'm not sure that is wise.

Oh, I don't know about that.

Not so long ago,
someone might have

said the same thing about you.

You two better hurry

or there won't
be anything left to buy.

Nog, what is this?

My favorite holosuite program

"A visit with
the Pleasure Goddess of Rixx."

Yours for a mere
ten strips of latinum.

He'll take it.

Well, consider it a gift.

Well, you're too kind.


where did you get
this springball racket?

Out of a replicator?

Try out of my quarters.
This is mine.

I've been looking for this
for two years.

And it was sitting here
on the bar all along.

That's incredible.

It's a Ferengi tooth sharpener.

How much?


Brother, you're here.

If you hurry,
there still might be

some choice items
left for you to buy.

I'm not here for the sale.

Nog has no business going
to Starfleet Academy

and I'm not doing anything
to encourage him.

Now, come with me.

But the sale...

It's over as far
as you're concerned.

The ship, it's here.

What ship?

The ship, our ship--

my ship?

The shuttle
Cousin Gaila owed me?

He's owed you
that shuttle for ten years.

Ever since I loaned
him the latinum

to start up
his munitions consortium.

He always said that
if he became a success

he'd buy me my own ship.

Now it's here.

But why do you need me?

Because knowing our cousin,
it's probably

defective merchandise.

I'd better have a look at it.

What a wonderful idea.

Now get going.

And leave the clothes... here.


All right,
tell me what's wrong with it.


The ship is perfect!

Gaila must have paid
a fortune for it.

You mean it'll actually fly?

This ship could outrun
a Romulan interceptor.

We could take it halfway
across the galaxy

before it would even
need a maintenance check.

You don't say.

And it's all mine.

I can go anyplace I want.

Maybe it's time you considered

that early retirement
we talked about.

I could take over the bar

and you could fly off
into the great unknown

never to return!

Unless you wanted to.

Don't get your hopes up.

The first thing we need to do

is take this thing
for a test flight...

someplace reasonably
far away but safe.

Someplace like...



If the boy wants to go
to Starfleet Academy

he might as well do it in style.

Yes, Brother!

Thank you, Brother!

I'll go tell Nog.

A trip to Earth--
this is going to be fun!

Not to mention profitable.

All I ask is a tall ship

and a load of contraband
to fill her with.

Here are the codes to operate
the holosuite programs.

Now, remember, don't
extend any lines of credit

don't touch the dabo girls

and make sure you keep
your eyes on him

because he'll be keeping
his eyes on you.

Good choice, Quark.

I'm sure Morn will do
an excellent job

as long as he doesn't
drink up all your profits.

Better him than one
of my Ferengi waiters.

They'd rob me blind.


Very generous of you,
taking Nog to Earth.

I'm a generous person.

So I've noticed.

Try not to miss me
too much while I'm gone.

I'll be counting the days
until you get back.


I wonder how many hours
you and I spent

hanging around up here?


Just kidding, but it was a lot.

You know,
aside from playing dom-jot

and watching
the Bajoran transports dock

it seems like we spent most
of our time doing nothing.

Maybe so, but I can't
think of anyone

I'd rather do nothing with
than you.

Same here.


Doctor, if you're
trying to return

something from the sale...

It's a going-away present.

To help you get around
easier on Earth.

A guidebook?

It's not just a guidebook.

It's a completely
interactive program

detailing Earth's customs,
culture, history, geography...

Everything you ever
wanted to know about Earth

is right there in that padd.

You mean, it'll teach me
how to attract human females?

Well... almost everything.

I'm sure it'll come in handy.
Thank you.

Well, I'd better be going.

My father and Uncle Quark
are waiting for me.

Good luck, Nog.

Make us proud.

I'll, uh...

I'll walk you over
to the airlock.

That was a good spot.

The best.

The Ferengi Shuttle
Quark's Treasure

has just departed the station.

Quark, Rom and Nog,
together on that ship

all the way to Earth?

Glad I'm not going with them.

Only thing that worries me...

no one warned Earth
that they're coming.

It says here that humans

didn't even have currency
until 5,000 years ago

Iet alone banking,
speculative investments

or a unified global economy.

They're a primitive,
backward people, Nog.

Pity them.

But think about it, Uncle--
that means they went

from being savages
with a simple barter system

to leaders of a vast
interstellar Federation

in only 5,000 years.

It took us twice as long

to establish
the Ferengi Alliance

and we had to buy
warp technology from the...


what's the difference?

The speed
of technological advancement

isn't nearly as important
as short-term quarterly gains.

Can't this thing go any faster?

We're already exceeding
the safe maximum cruising speed

by 2/10 of a warp factor.

Push it another tenth.

This trip is taking
long enough as it is.

Relax, Brother.

I know kemacite is unstable

but another day or two,
won't make any difference.

What are you talking about?

The shipment of kemacite

that you're smuggling
in the cargo hold.

Uncle, are you
smuggling kemacite?

Isn't that dangerous?

and highly profitable

especially if we make
a side trip to Orion

on the way home from Earth.

What tipped you off?

When I engaged
the impulse engines

I noticed the ship's weight
distribution was a little off

so the last time you went
to waste extraction

I snuck back to the cargo
bay and took a look around.

When did you get to be so smart?

I've always been smart, Brother.

I've just lacked

Of course,
I could forget everything I saw.

How much?

20 percent of the profits.

I suppose you'll want
a cut, too?

As a Starfleet Cadet,
it's my duty to report

any violation of Federation law
to my superiors immediately...

but then again,
I haven't been sworn in yet.

I'll take 10 percent.

It's a deal.

I thought I told you
to go faster.

Faster it is!

Brother, wake up.

We're approaching
Earth's star system.

Take her out of warp.

Father, have you ever heard
of the Bell Riots?

Don't bother me now.

But doesn't
this Gabriel Bell human

Iook just like Captain Sisko?

All hu-mans look alike.

I thought I told you
to take us out of warp.

I'm trying, Brother, but
the warp core isn't responding.

It looks like the command
sequencer has been disabled.

I don't understand.
I tested everything!

The only way
this could've happened is...

if the command sequencer
was designed to fail.

You mean sabotage.

Cousin Gaila.

He never did like you
very much, Uncle.

Okay, okay, no need to panic.

So the warp drive
won't shut down.

What's the worst thing
that could happen?

The ship could
continue accelerating

until it tears itself apart

and scatters our remains
halfway across the Quadrant.

There must be something
we can do!

Jettison the warp core?

No, I tried that already.

Emergency overrides are frozen.

Then we'll have to try
something else, won't we?

The kemacite!

If we vent plasma
from the warp core

into the cargo hold,
we may be able to start

a cascade reaction
in the kemacite.

Then we can modulate
the reaction

to create an inversion wave

in the warp field
and force the ship

back into normal space!

If I time it just right,
I should be able to get us

close enough to Earth
to make an emergency landing!

Rom, you're a genius!

Think so?

How should I know?

I have no idea
what you're talking about.

Just do it.

Hold on!



Get me General Denning.

Tell him one
of the Martians is awake.

We've got the farmer
who found their ship.

He's locked up in the BOQ

but I don't know how much
longer we can keep him there.

You keep him there
until I tell you to let him go.

Did you take care
of that idiot in Roswell

who told the press
we captured a flying saucer?

We've convinced him
to issue a retraction.

Turns out it was just
a weather balloon.

Weather balloon?

We had to come up
with something quick.

Last thing we need is a bunch
of reporters snooping around.

You can't keep this from
the public forever, General.

Beings from another planet
have landed on Earth.

This is one
of the most important events

in human history.

Maybe, but we can't risk
causing a panic.

I'm not telling
the public anything

until we find out exactly
what we're up against.

Pip im gren tovat.

Yop bree

gren skin law po far.

Yop im too, yoba.

Yop sko ta yop ma.

It's locked.

What is this place?

Where are we?

I wish you'd stop asking that.

I told you I don't know.

The last thing I remember

was Father taking the shuttle
in for an emergency landing.

Well, we must be on Earth.

But where?

One thing's for sure--

this isn't Starfleet Academy.

I wonder what happened
to the ship.

My ship.

Where's my ship?


Is anybody out there?!

What did you do with my ship?!

I want my ship back!

Goss uffwok ton!
Goss uffwok ton!

He's trying to break out.

Don't let them hurt him.

He's just scared.

General, these creatures come

from a race far more advanced
than our own.

There's no telling
what they can teach us.

We have to try
to communicate with them.

Well, you're in luck.

The President agrees with you

and he wants us to try
and talk to them.

So that's just what
you're going to do.


Look, Professor,
we didn't ask you here

just because you're
Nurse Garland's fianc?.

I need someone
to talk to these Martians.

You're elected.

I knew Earth was a bad idea.

Ferengis and humans
have no business being together

but you had to go
to Starfleet Academy.

Don't blame my son.

It was your idea
to use Gaila's shuttle.

And you were the one
who said it was safe.

Leave him alone!

If it wasn't for my father,
we'd all be dead.

Maybe we are dead.

What are you talking about?

Maybe this is
the Divine Treasury.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

The Divine Treasury
is made of pure latinum.

Besides, where's
the Blessed Exchequer?

Where are
the Celestial Auctioneers?

And why aren't we bidding
for our new lives, hmm?

You don't think
we're in the other place?

The Vault
of Eternal Destitution?

Don't be ridiculous.

The bar was showing a profit.

Welcome to Earth.

We mean you no harm.

We're sorry we had to separate

you from your ship,
but I'm sure you can

understand we have
lots of questions for you.

Did you understand
a word of that?

Our universal translators
must be malfunctioning.

What are they doing?

Maybe it's some kind
of greeting.

She may be onto...


What are they doing?

Maybe their universal
translators are broken, too.

No! They don't have
universal translators.

I recognize those uniforms

from my guidebook, they're
from the 20th century.

The 20th century?!

You mean we traveled
back through time?

More than 400 years!

Those are military uniforms

from one
of the old nation states.

Uh... Australia or something.

So if they don't have
universal translators

then why are they
banging their heads?

They're just mimicking us.

Brik yop tal hopdrew,
ki los hoem bog?

I think he likes you,

I'd always heard primitive
humans lacked intelligence

but I had no idea
they were this stupid.

They weren't just stupid.

They were violent, petty,
bigoted and selfish.

And we're stuck here with them.

Maybe for the rest of our lives.

The three of us and millions
of primitive hu-mans.

I like those odds.

Gren fatarik oo-mox?

Ya ta fa.

I've given them every
medical test I can think of

but the only thing
I can tell you for sure

is they're not human.

Well, that's a start.

I think these two are involved

in some kind
of a grooming ritual.

Look how the older one

is taking care
of the younger one.

That's sweet.

Maybe they're father and son.

Wouldn't that be something?

They've come from so far away,
but they still have

the same basic family
structure that we do.

I wonder if the third one's
related, too.

For all we know,
it could be the mother.

Gren fa hoe loth pex-pil?!

If she is the mother,
she's quite a shrew.

I'm working as fast
as I can, Brother

but there must be
some kind of interference

disrupting our translators.

What kind of interference?

I'm not sure.

Could be solar flares,
or maybe ionic interference

or I suppose it could be
beta radiation

but that's only produced
by nuclear fission.

Don't be an idiot.

Nuclear fission doesn't happen
within planetary atmospheres.

It does here.

In the 20th century, humans used

crude nuclear reactors
as weapons.

They called them "atom bombs."

They used to blow
them up all the time.

They irradiated
their own planet?

If Nog says so, they did.

He knows all about
Earth history.

You better fix
those translators fast.

The sooner we start talking
to these savages

the better off we'll be.

Vo yop toe pah?

He seems to want something
from you.

You'd better tell him
I'm your girl.

Yop triska gleep
do-sta gren-la.

I think he wants your hairpin.

If you say so, Professor.

Here you go.


Now, where's that reset button?

That looks like it hurts.

Well, he doesn't seem to mind.


I wish I could get some help.

I don't know why we can't
bring in a few more experts.

Let's face it, Jeff--

when it comes to beings
from another planet

we don't have any experts.

You'll find a way

of communicating with them,

I know you will.

Imagine the possibilities.

Who knows what they
could teach us?

A few years from now

mankind could have
rocket ships of our own.

We could travel the galaxy,
exploring new worlds

and new civilizations.

Always the dreamer.

That's why you love me.

It's funny, isn't it?

Here we are in the middle

of one of the greatest
discoveries in human history

and all I can think about

is what you're going to look
like in your wedding dress.

My mother keeps asking

where we're going
on our honeymoon.

She thinks we should go
to Niagara Falls.

Well, who knows?

Maybe we'll go to Mars.

What's that disgusting smell?

I think it's called "tobacco."

It's a deadly drug.

When used frequently,
it destroys the internal organs.

If it's so deadly,
then why do they use it?

It's also highly addictive.

How do they get
their hands on it?

They buy it in stores.

They buy it?

If they'll buy poison,
they'll buy anything.

I think I'm going
to like it here.

Uncle, I hope
you're not thinking

of doing anything that
will disrupt the timeline.

Perish the thought.

Changing the history of Earth

could affect the entire galaxy.

The Federation, Deep Space 9--

your bar-- could all
cease to exist.

Wouldn't that be a shame?

Rom, hurry up
with those translators.

The alien ship has a small
control area in the front

and rudimentary
sleeping quarters in the back.

So far, we can't even figure out
what drives the engines

Iet alone how they work.

Hey, how you doing, big fella?

You making any headway,

It's fascinating.

I would've expected creatures

of their technological

to communicate telepathically,
but they seem to have

a structured verbal language
just like we do.

Given enough time

a good team of linguists
could probably decipher it.

We're not bringing in
anyone else.

Too many people
know about this as it is.

Besides, we don't have the time.

President Truman's
an impatient man.

He wants answers
and he wants them now.

Jeff, General Denning

I think you'd better come inside
right away.

My name is Quark,
Chief Financial Officer

of the Ferengi Alliance

and... I've got
a business proposition for you.

I don't see
any universal translator.

Trust me.
It's in there.

So this gadget of yours is

what makes it possible for us
to understand each other?

How's it work?

It's simple if you know how.

You'd be surprised at the kind
of things you can do

with the right technology.

Which brings me
to why I'm here.

I was wondering about that.

I've been sent by my people
to open up a market

for advanced Ferengi technology.

What kind of technology
you talking about?

How would you like to travel
beyond the stars

at speeds you never even dreamt
were possible?

Or to transport yourselves
from one place to another

in the blink of an eye?

You know how to do that?

That's only the beginning.

We can give you
the medical knowledge

to cure your deadliest diseases.

We have machines that can
produce food and clothing

out of thin air.

What about weapons?


If you want weapons,
I'm the man to see.

We could teach you to
make phasers, disruptors

photon torpedoes...
or even quantum torpedoes--

a little more expensive
but worth it.

What do you want in return?

That depends.

What do you use
for currency around here--

Iatinum, dilithium?

We use dollars.

Never heard of them.

Don't you have any gemstones
or precious minerals?

You mean like gold?

Gold is good.

How much gold
are we talking about?

Seeing how were going to be
advancing your culture

about 400 years
overnight, I'd say

a couple of million bars
would be about right...

as a good faith deposit.

You know, Quark, you might be
some kind of Martian...


Whatever, but the more we talk

the more you remind me
of my brother-in-law.

Is he a businessman?

He's a car salesman
and not a very good one.

Then he's nothing like me.

The bottom line is,
I don't trust him

and I don't trust you.

So before we sit down
and sign any contracts

you are going to tell me

just what the hell you people
are really doing here.

I just told you.

We're here to open up
trade negotiations.

If you're not interested,
just say so.

I'm sure I can do business

with one of your planet's
other nation states.

In other words, if we don't
play ball, you're going to sell

these advanced weapons of yours
to the Russians.

I'd rather
it didn't come to that.

To be honest, I'd much rather
work with you Australians.



But, if you won't do business
with me and the Russians will

who am I to say no?

I-l'm not saying
we can't do business

but I don't have the authority
to make this kind of decision.

I'll have to get, uh...

Well, I'll have to get clearance
from the President.

I can wait.

In the meantime,
let me give you some free advice

just to show you
I'm on your side.

You people should
take better care of yourselves.

Stop poisoning your bodies
with tobacco

and atom bombs.

Sooner or later, that kind
of stuff will kill you.

What do you know
about atom bombs?

My people have been watching
your world for years.

We know all about you--

baseball, root beer,
darts, atom bombs.

It's quite a fascinating culture
you hu-mans have here.

And with a little
Ferengi technology

it could be even better.

Now, why don't you go talk
to that President of yours?

Let me get this straight, Rom.

Are you saying that all
the women on your world

walk around naked?

It's the law.

You don't say.

Well, I guess I'm never going
to visit your world.

And neither are you.

Uh, Nurse Garland...

I'm having trouble
with my ear again.

Could you massage it some more?

Are you sure you don't want
a Doctor to look at that?

No. I feel more
comfortable with you.

Ah... ah...

Much better.

You know, come to think of it,
my ear's bothering me, too.


How did your meeting
with the General go?

It's... Iate.

We should let you get some rest.

I'm not tired!

We'll visit some more tomorrow.

There's something about
that female that I don't like.

She's so... cheerful.

What about the General?

Is he going to let us leave?

Don't worry.

Everything's under control.

Oh, they forgot
to take that thing with them.

It seems to like you, Brother.

Get away from me.

Hello, Quark.

Odo, what are you doing here?

Placing you under arrest for
attempting to smuggle kemacite.

Did you really
expect me to believe

that you were traveling
all the way to Earth

just to be nice to your nephew?

You hid on board the ship.

That's right.

And now I'm stuck
here with you.

Now listen carefully, because we
don't have much time.

Someone could come in
any minute.

Your ship is in a hangar
on the other side of the base.

It sustained some damage
in the crash

but the engines
are still functioning.

If we're lucky,
we should be able

to use it to get away from here.

And go where?

Even if we get out of here

we'll still going to be trapped
400 years in the past.

Actually, I've been thinking.

If there's enough
kemacite left

there might be a way to
get back to our own time.


If we find

a sufficiently
powerful energy source

we should be able
to trigger a temporal surge

in the subspace continuum

and recreate
the same kind of time warp

that brought us here
in the first place!

What do you mean by

"a sufficiently
powerful energy source?"

We're not going anywhere.

We're staying right here.

But, Brother,
what about the bar?

Who cares about the bar?

I'm telling you, Rom,
we stay here

and inside of a year,
we'll be running this place.

You mean the military base?

I mean the whole planet.


"Harumph" all you want.

But these hu-mans--
they're nothing

Iike the ones
from the Federation.

They're crude,
gullible and greedy.

You mean like you.

Yeah. These are humans
I can understand and manipulate.

But, Uncle, what
about the timeline?

Forget this timeline.

The one we're going to create
will be better.

Once we get things in order here

we'll contact
the Ferengi homeworld

and sell them our ship.

The Ferengi will have
warp drive technology

centuries before hu-mans
or Klingons or even the Vulcans.

We'll establish
an economic empire

beyond even Grand Nagus Zek's
wildest dreams

and I'll control it all.

You do have a vivid imagination

but the only place we're going
is back to our own time.

I'll have the ship
ready to go in six hours

and you're all
going to be on it.

I'm not going back,
and neither is my ship.

We'll see about that.

What's the word, General?

That little
piano-playing Democrat's

not as dumb as he looks.

He's not about to make a deal
with these aliens

until we learn more about them.

And how does the President
propose we do that?

He said he'd leave that
in our capable hands.

Don't worry, General.

I'll find out
what those Martians are up to.

See that you do.

This is the opportunity
of a lifetime.

I don't know, Brother.

It seems awfully risky to me.

The riskier the road,
the greater the profit.

What about Rule
of Acquisition 203?

"New customers are like
razor-toothed gree-worms.

They can be succulent,
but sometimes they bite back."


if there's any biting to be done

we're the ones who are
going to do it, huh?

Get this off me.

Get this off me!

I can't breathe!

This is an outrage!

I demand to see General Denning.

If I don't get satisfaction

I'm taking my business
to the Russians.

The Russians...

that's a good place to start.

Why don't you tell me everything
you know about the Russians?

Would you please
stop doing that?

That's the fifth injection

of sodium Pentothal
I've given him.

It's not working.

Their biochemistry
is obviously nothing like ours.

Then stop sticking me
with those needles!

Captain, this is wrong.

These people are our guests.

They're not people.

They're... things.

Invaders from another world.

It's up to us to put an end
to whatever they're planning.

Now, if you don't tell me
what I want to know

needles are going to be

the least of your worries.

You know, Doc

I've always wanted to see
what a Martian looked like...

from the inside.

Don't you people

have laws against
this kind of thing?

Not when it comes
to national security.

Now, which one
should we start with?

The loud one?

The little one...

or the quiet one?

Now why don't you tell us
why you're really here?

It was an accident.

We're from the future.

The warp core was sabotaged.

It's all Cousin Gaila's fault.

I want to go home!

I want my Moogie!


You want the truth?

I'll tell you the truth.

We're advance scouts
for the Ferengi invasion fleet.

I knew it!

Nog, what are you talking about?

We've been studying you puny
Earthlings for centuries

and you're ripe for conquest.

It's not true!


It's no use, Supreme Commander.

They've seen through our cover

but knowing our plans
won't do them any good.

Even now, 300 Marauder-class

attack cruisers
are orbiting your planet

preparing for the attack.


I'm telling you this is crazy!

Nog, tell him the truth.

We're helpless.
We're harmless.

We just want to sell you things.

Captain, I'm not sure
I believe this invasion story.

You scientists.

You're like children--

always walking around
with your heads in the clouds.

Keep talking.

When the appointed hour arrives,
the Marauders will deactivate

their cloaking devices
and begin

Klingon shock troops

directly to the landing zone.

Landing zone?

Where? Tell me.

Why not?

Your feeble weapons
will be useless against us.

We will kill all your males
and take your females

to mate with.

Where's the landing zone?

Untie me and I will show you
on that map.

You heard him.

Go get General Denning.

Tell him he was right
about the Martians all along.

Show me.

The first landing parties
will arrive here.


Right by this blue blob.

You mean your people
are going to invade...


No, not Cleveland.

Right... here!

Hold it!

Don't hurt him.

It was an accident.
I tripped.

I didn't mean to do it.

I'm really, really sorry.

Shoot him!

Thank you.

We're all grateful

but couldn't you have
done that an hour ago?

We've got to get
you out of here.

Won't you get
in trouble for this?

Why should they?

We forced them to help us
by using our, uh...

Your insidious
mind control powers.

That's not bad.

For a primitive female,
she's pretty smart.

Come on.

Your ship's in Hangar 18.

Come on.

Captain Wainwright
needs to see you

in Examination Room 3.

Hold it right there.

Stay back...

or I'll disintegrate
this hostage.

With your finger?

With my death ray.

Looks a lot like a finger to me.

Who's he?

My hero.

Can we please leave now?

You're sure they're going

to be detonating
an atomic bomb today?

That's what it said
in the papers.

5:00 AM at the proving
grounds in Nevada.

But I don't see
how an atomic bomb

is going to help you
to get home.

It's simple.

We need to harness
the beta radiation

to trigger a cascade...

Save your breath.

It's much too complicated
for them to grasp.

5:00 AM-- that's
seven minutes from now.

Don't worry.

We'll get there.

Thanks for your help.

You may be hu-mans,
but you're okay by me.

You don't have to thank us.

I only hope that one day

mankind will travel
to the stars

and take its place in
a vast alliance of planets.

Federation of planets.

Excuse me?

Uh, don't pay
any attention to him.

He's an idiot.

Trust me, the galaxy
is a pretty rough place.

You people are much better off
staying right here on Earth.

Let's go, Quark.

"A vast alliance of planets."

You get the craziest ideas.

What do we do now, General?

About what, Captain?

All we ever found
was a crashed weather balloon.

Now, tell me again.

What's going to happen
when we get there?

We fly straight
into the atomic explosion

expose the kemacite
to the beta radiation

and engage the warp engines.

If we have enough kemacite,
we should be able

to create a reverse time warp
and ride it home.

My dad-- always thinking.

If this doesn't work

I'm holding you
personally responsible.

I don't remember inviting
you on this trip.

We're at the target site.

Hold on.

I don't like this!

Rom, tell your brother
it's going to be all right.

It's going to be all right,

I hope.

Did we make it?

This doesn't look
like the Divine Treasury.

What year is this?

Good question.

What's that flashing indicator?

We're being hailed!

Answer them, answer them!

This is Earth Orbital Control

to the unidentified
Ferengi vessel.

Do you need assistance?

Yes! Definitely!

We'll send a ship to tractor you
to a docking facility.

We'll be waiting.

Well, son,
it looks like you're

going to get to Starfleet
Academy after all.

Just remember--

under that placid
Federation veneer

humans are still
a bunch of violent savages.

Maybe... but I like them.

Oh, it's good to be home.

I bet you can't wait
to see the bar again.

The bar?

I could have ruled the galaxy.

But now I have nothing.

I don't even have
my ship anymore.

Look on the bright side,

You may have had to sell
your shuttle for salvage

but at least you got enough
for our passage home.

Wait till I get my
hands on Cousin Gaila.

You're going to have
to wait longer than you think.

Let's go.

What are you doing?

Taking you to a holding cell.

Kemacite smuggling
is a serious offense.

But you have no evidence.

We used all the rest
of the kemacite

to get back to the 24th century.

Tell it to the arbiter.

I'm innocent, I tell you.

This is all a misunderstanding.

Rom, get me a lawyer.

I'll contact Cousin Gaila.

I'm sure he'll know a good one.

Rom, you idiot!

See you in a few weeks, Brother.