Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993–1999): Season 1, Episode 10 - The Nagus - full transcript

The Ferengi leader, Grand Nagus Zek, comes to the station. He seems very interested in Quark's bar.


Jake, l've got a terrific surprise for you.

Oh, yeah? What is it?

We are going to Bajor
for the Gratitude Festival.

- What's the Gratitude Festival?
- The biggest Bajoran holiday of the year.

Major Kira says it's spectacular.

While we're there we can visit
the fire caverns you want to see.

- Great. When do we leave?
- This afternoon, after school.

- For how long?
- Three days.

Three days?
Computer, orange juice.

- Dad, do l have to go?
- No, not if you don't want to.

Thanks, Dad.

- Nog and l have plans for tomorrow.
- What kind of plans?

An Andorian freighter
is due in tomorrow.

An Andorian freighter?

lt's carrying a shipment
of those new antigrav tractors.

- We're hoping we'll get to see one.
- Let me get this straight.

You would rather hang around with Nog

than visit Bajoran fire caverns
with the old man?

Nog's my friend.

No need to thank me, madam.

Here at Quark's, customer satisfaction
is our primary concern.

You run along back to the dabo table.

Rom, that lady tells me
she misplaced a fat currency pouch.

- Yes, brother?
- And you found it.

- Yes, brother.
- And you returned it to her intact.

- l was dazzled by her beauty.
- You worthless, tiny-eared fool.

What's the first Rule of Acquisition?
Say it.

'Once you have their money,
you never give it back.'

You can ponder its meaning

while polishing every rail in the place.

Get out of my sight
before l toss you out an airlock.


ls this what they teach you
at that human school?

Sloth and indolence?

- No, Father.
- We'll see about that.

Tonight, you'll polish every rail
in the place

until they sparkle.
ls that clear?

Yes, Father, tonight.
Every rail.

And so the Andorian says,

Your brother?

l thought it was your wife.

Get it? Wife...

Had to think about that one, didn't you?

- l'm looking for Quark.
- You found him.

l'm Krax and this is my father,
Grand Nagus Zek.

ls the Grand Nagus here
on business or pleasure?

- ls there a difference?
- No, of course not.

My father will reveal why he is here
when he sees fit.

As for now,
he desires the use of a holosuite.

He's heard that your programmes
are quite alluring.

They are!

But they may prove a touch energetic

for his advanced years.

- Are you refusing his request?
- Not at all.

ls there a particular activity
he'd like to sample?

The Nagus dislikes choosing
between so many delightful possibilities.

ln that case...

Here's a list of five programmes

that are my personal favourites.

l'd be happy to select one for him.

That won't be necessary.

The Nagus has decided to try all five.

Sorry l'm late. The transporter in Ops

needed an adjustment in its upper
molecular imaging scanner.

But never mind that.

All right, let's settle down. Let's settle down!

Jake! Nog!


Thank you.

Now, we only have
two more weeks to get through

before Mrs O'Brien returns from Earth,

so that shouldn't be too difficult, right?

Let's get out our homework padds.

We'll begin with the older students.

Your last assignment was
to write an essay defining 'ethics'.

Let's start with...


- l don't have my essay.
- Why not?

- My padd was stolen.
- ls that a fact? Any idea who stole it?

lt happened at Quark's.

l put it on a table
and there were Vulcans nearby...

Hold on. You're saying
Vulcans stole your homework?

- Yes, sir.
- Any idea why?

Because they don't have ethics?

All right, that's enough.

lt's the truth.

Ask Jake. He was with me.

Go on. Tell him.

l guess so.

You guess so?

He... Yeah.

They took it. l was there.

l want that essay in tomorrow.
ls that understood?

- Yes.
- l hope so.

Did the Nagus mention
how long he'd be using the holosuite?

- He'll be done when he's done.
- What if he's injured?

My father left instructions
not to be disturbed.

- Are you suggesting we disobey him?
- Forget l said anything.

The Grand Nagus, here under our roof.

- l'm so proud!
- l hope you can live on pride.

That's all we'll have
once he's through with us.

He's here to take over the bar?

Why else would he come here?

To buy me out for a fraction
of what the place is worth.

- You could refuse to sell.
- Why didn't l think of that?

The Nagus doesn't take no for an answer.



Good programme.

- My father requires rest.
- l would imagine.

Please feel free to use my own...
brother's quarters

for as long as you're with us.

That should be satisfactory.

ls there anything else l could do
to make your stay pleasant?

lnvite me to dinner.

l'd be honoured.

Chief, airlock nine is jammed again.

l'll get a crew on it immediately.
Ensign Jonas?

- How's school?
- We'll muddle through,

though l'm counting the days
till Keiko gets back.

Are the students giving you a hard time?

Kids love to take advantage
of a substitute teacher.

l always did.

- l hope Jake's behaving himself.
- He's a fine lad, sir.

- lt's just...
- Just what?

lf he were my son,
l'd find a friend for him other than Nog.

That's easier said than done.
They've become inseparable.

l'd find a way to separate them, sir.
That Nog's a bad influence.

l appreciate the advice, but l trust my son.

it would become me versus Nog

and l won't force Jake to choose.

- Why not?
- Because l'd probably lose.

- l doubt that, sir.
- That's because your daughter's three.

Wait until she's 14.

Are you sure?

My compliments, Quark.

These tube grubs
are chilled to perfection.

Did l say l was finished?

Please, help yourself.

l ran into your cousin Barbo recently.

Barbo? l thought he was still
in that Tarahong detention centre.

- They finally released him.
- How fortunate.

He told me how you sold
those defective warp drives

to the Tarahong government.
Very clever.

lt was nothing.
The Tarahongians are incredibly gullible.

He also told me how you betrayed him

and left him behind bars
while you kept the profits.

The sixth Rule of Acquisition
expressly states...

''Never allow family
to stand in the way of opportunity.''

l certainly never have.
l told you he had brains.

You've done very well for yourself, Quark.

Not that well.

Don't contradict your elders.
lt's impolite.

l suppose l'm doing quite well at that.

lt was a stroke of brilliance
to open a bar

so close to a stable wormhole.

He didn't know the wormhole existed!

That's what makes it so impressive.

He had the instinct,
the ears,

to make the smart move
before anyone else did.

You could learn from his example.



Can l go now?
l have homework.

Did he say...homework?

There's a Federation school here
run by a hu-man, a female.

And you allow your son
to attend such a place?

Nog, l never want you
to go there again!

Now go to your room.

And no studying.

My apologies, Nagus.

lt's those Federation do-gooders -

always sticking their ugly noses
in other people's business.

Most distressing.

Yes, Nagus, most distressing.

- Yes, yes.
- Now, speaking of business...

Quark, l've come to ask a favour of you -

one that would be very important to me.

- l need your bar.
- l knew it.

And your services as host

for an important conference
to be held here tomorrow

at 9:00 sharp.

l would consider it a privilege.

And the purpose of this conference is...?

The future.
And for Ferengi business interests,

the future is already here.

And its name is the Gamma Quadrant.

Ferengi transport Sepulo
has put in at docking bay five.

That's the third Ferengi ship in 18 hours.

- Maybe it's Quark's birthday.
- Lock up the silverware.

We don't have to. Sisko to Odo.

- Go ahead, Commander.
- About all of these Ferengi visitors...

l'm already on it.

- No, no, no!
- ls something wrong?

You can't seat Turot next to Hoex!

They've been bitter rivals
since Hoex bought out Turot

in the cargo ports on Volchok Prime.

Rom! Change these seating
arrangements immediately.

Quickly, before l toss you out
the nearest airlock.

l thought you understood
this was a private meeting.


Go away!

We're closed!

Go away!

Shoo! Shoo!

- What's the delay?
- We await the Grand Nagus.

He better show his ears soon
or l'm leaving.

No one leaves
until the conference has concluded.

Still hiding in your father's shadow?

The Nagus casts a very long shadow.

Careful you don't disappear in it!

l see we're all here.

- Enough drinks.
- All right, l'm going.


No, you stay.


Gentlemen, be seated.

Hey, Nog.

- Where were you?
- l'm through with school.

- What do you mean?
- l don't have to attend boring classes.

- ls this your father's idea?
- lt's the right decision.

- lf you want, l'll talk to Mr O'Brien.
- No.

l don't belong there.

- Don't you want to learn things?
- You mean like ethics?

- And other stuff.
- You don't understand.

l'm a Ferengi.
For me, school is a waste of time.

- Why is that?
- Because there's no profit in it.

- Why are you mad at me?
- You're a stupid hu-man.

l don't know why l bother with you!

l'm stupid?
You're the one not going to school.

See if l care.

And lastly, l would like to salute Nava,

whose takeover
of the Arcybite mining refineries

in the Clarus System is now complete.

l congratulate you all.
Profits are better than ever.

it is becoming more and more difficult

to find truly lucrative
business opportunities

here in the Alpha Quadrant.

And why?
Because no matter where we go

our reputation precedes us -

a reputation tainted
by the lies of our competitors,

who spread the impression
that we are not to be trusted.

But now, thanks to the discovery
of the wormhole,

for the first time,
we can now avoid such falsehoods.

The Gamma Quadrant, gentlemen -

millions of new worlds
at our very doorstep.

The potential for Ferengi
business expansion is staggering.

And best of all, no one there
has ever heard the name Ferengi!

Our reputation
will be absolutely stainless.

- Our word can be our bond.
- Until we decide to break it!

lt'll be the good old days all over again!

Who shall lead us in this endeavour?

- My father.
- The Nagus.

- The Grand Nagus! Yes! Yes!
- Nagus!

l thank you for your confidence

but l must decline the offer.

But, Father...

l'm old. The fire dims.

l'm just not as greedy as l used to be.

Yes, you are, more so.

No, my mind's made up.

l've already chosen my successor.

A leader whose vision,
imagination and avarice

will oversee Ferengi ventures
in the Gamma Quadrant.

The new Grand Nagus...


- He's a lobeless amateur!
- Have you lost your mind?

- l won't stand for it!
- This is outrageous!


l know you'll do a wonderful job.

Oatmeal lumpy again?

No, l'm just not hungry.

- Want to talk about it?
- lt's Nog.

- His father's pulled him out of school.
- l see.

lt's not fair.
Nog can't even read.

School's not going to be fun without him.

You can still get together after school.

Maybe. l don't think
he wants to be my friend anymore.

- Did he say why?
- Humans and Ferengis don't get on.

Usually they don't.

You always say
that we should befriend other cultures.

l believe that and l'm glad you do.

But human and Ferengi values
are very different.

We've never bonded.

So Nog goes his way and l go mine?

These things happen.

How about after school,
we play a little baseball?

l can't.

l have something to do.

- Grand Nagus Quark.
- l love that.

l'm afraid we were never
formally introduced.

- l am Gral, your new best friend.
- You wish to serve me?

- l wish to protect you.
- Protect me?

From those who are jealous
and wish to take your place.

They can be very dangerous.

- How do l stop them?
- Leave it to me.

l'm not going to allow anybody to harm

such a grateful friend as yourself.

How grateful am l?

You'll make sure l have my pick

of the most lucrative
Gamma Quadrant opportunities.

And if l refuse?

You won't.

Nagus, l'm in desperate trouble.

So am l. And please, call me Zek.

Now, which would you choose -
Risa or Balosnee VI?

- l don't quite follow.
- For my vacation!

My first in 85 years.

l'm told, on Balosnee,
the soothing harmonies of the tides

can cause
the most stimulating hallucinations.

But when l think of those
voluptuous Risian females...

Nagus, please...
Gral just threatened my life.

So he's the first, is he?
He won't be the last!

What am l to do?

You picked me.
You must have some advice.

To survive, you must surround yourself
with loyal men.

- That's good.
- But not too loyal.

Never trust anyone who places
your prosperity above their own.

- l see.
- And when in doubt, be ruthless.


l can do that.

Go on.



l didn't do anything!

l don't know, Krax.

20 bars of gold-pressed latinum?

l'll need to think about it.

- ln a year, it'll be worth double.
- l'll take it.

You want me to be your bodyguard?

Think of it as a promotion.

- But why me?
- You're the only one left l can trust.

You're my closest associate,
my friend, my brother.

But l thought...

since you'll be so busy
being Grand Nagus,

l could take over running the bar.

You? Run my bar?

Not exactly overcome by grief, are we?

This is a private funeral service.

You have my sympathies for your loss.

when someone dies on my station

there are questions
that must be answered.

There was nothing suspicious
about Father's death.

lt was caused by a infection
of the tympanic membrane.

Then you won't mind
if l ask Dr Bashir to examine the body.

That would be difficult.

- What's this?
- My piece of Zek.

When a Ferengi of my father's stature dies

the body is vacuum-desiccated

and sold as a prized collectible.

How touching.

- l know there's...
- l wonder...

- Go ahead.
- lt wasn't important.

l guess humans and Ferengis
don't have a lot to talk about.

- That's what my father says.
- Mine, too.

That doesn't mean they're right.

We always had stuff to talk about before.

So, what do you say -
you still want to be friends?


When my father finds out,
he won't be happy.

Neither will mine.

Come on, l have a great idea.

- What is it?
- Come on.

So, what exactly does it mean
becoming Grand Nagus?

lf you wish to speak to me

you must first
make an appointment with Rom.

Don't be ludicrous.

lt is also customary to show respect
by kissing my sceptre.


l suppose
l could make an exception in your case.

See the discolouration
around the impact perimeter?

- That's sorium and argine.
- Aren't they Ferengi explosives?

This is a Ferengi locator bomb,

designed to lock on to pheromones.

- They're attracted to body odour?
- Deadly and very accurate.

lf Quark hadn't lowered his head...

- Commander.
- Yes, Doctor?

l've given Quark an examination.
He's shaken up, nothing more.

lt's time to chat with the Grand Nagus.

l'd be delighted.

When will you understand that
we are trying to save your life!

You're trying to interfere in Ferengi affairs,
which are none of your concern.

- Now, look here, Quark...
- Uh-uh. Grand Nagus Quark.

Those locator bombs are near foolproof.

Next time, you won't be so lucky.

The Grand Nagus
does not ask for help from outsiders.

Whoever tried to kill you
is counting on that.

You must have some suspicion.

- l'm suspicious of everybody.
- Who benefits from your death?

Let's see. That would have to be Krax.

lf anything happens to me,
Krax becomes Nagus.

True, but it was Gral who threatened you.

Threatened you? How?

That's none of your concern.

Besides, Gral and Krax were at the funeral
when the bomb went off,

which means
that neither of them could have set it.

Whoever planned this
could have had an accomplice.

You're sure all of Zek's associates
attended the funeral?

Yes, they were all there.
This is getting us nowhere.

- What about Zek's servant?
- You mean Maihar'du?

Was he at the funeral?

l don't recall seeing him there.
Do you?

Now that you mention it,
no, l don't.

Hupyrian servants are renowned

for their devotion to their employers.

For Maihar'du not to have shown up
at Zek's funeral

is very odd indeed.

You were out pretty late last night.

- l was?
- You came in after midnight.

l guess l got kind of busy doing stuff.

- What kind of stuff?
- Nothing important. Just hanging around.

- With Nog.
- We weren't doing anything wrong.

Good. Then tell me all about it.

l can't. lt's private.


l got to go.

l want you home for dinner.


The thing is, Nagus,

l feel l've done all l can
in the field of gouge mining.

You wish to find profit elsewhere?

- Yes, Nagus.
- Where would that be?

l'd like the chance
to introduce synthehol

to the Gamma Quadrant.

A very lucrative opportunity.

Tell me, Nava, when Zek announced

l was to succeed him,
were you pleased?

No, Nagus.

Did you come to me
and offer your support?

No, Nagus.

Yet now you call me Nagus.

But is it out of true friendship?

No, you only pretend to show me respect

so l will grant you
this immense opportunity.

Which l'm willing to split with you - 50-50?

ln that case let's hope
the Gamma Quadrant

develops a taste for synthehol.


A very smart deal, Nagus.

l seem to have a knack for it, don't l?

Yes, Nagus.

The rest will have
to come back tomorrow.

All this benevolence wearies me.

- Yes, Nagus.
- As you wish, Nagus.

l think l'll head to the bar
and check the receipts.

- Yes, Nagus.
- Yes, Nagus.

lf he keeps handing out
these choice opportunities

he's going to become very popular.

We'll just have to come up with a new plan.

Something more reliable
than a locator bomb.

Something that can't possibly
fail to kill my dear brother.

Come in.

l was going to ask you
to play Jokarian chess

but you're just sitting down to dinner.

l sat down
when Jake was supposed to be home.

Aubergine stew. Looks delicious.

- So where's Jake?
- Where else?

With Nog?

My own adolescence was difficult enough.

Surviving my son's will take a miracle.

Maybe it's time
you had a little talk with Jake.

Children need to know their boundaries.

l've been a mother three times
and a father twice.

Which was easier?

l wasn't very successful either way.

Feel free to reject
what l'm about to say,

but if l were you,
l'd find Jake

and bring him here for his dinner.

You would?


Computer, locate Jake Sisko.

Jake Sisko is in cargo bay 14.

Thanks, old man.

- ''There are four...teen...''
- Fourteen.

- Planets...
- ''...planets in the...Bajoran...''

- What's that word?
- ''System.''

- ''System.''
- That was pretty good.

Want to try some more?

''The lar...largest planet is Bajor.

''lt has...three...moons?''

You got it!

Keep going, keep going.

''The third moon,

''it has...''

You clumsy idiot.
You want to strangle me?

- My apologies, Nagus.
- Stop daydreaming.

- Pay attention to your work.
- Yes, Nagus.

- When do we leave?
- As soon as you're ready.

l've always wanted to take a trip
through the wormhole.

Still, it's odd...
Zek never mentioned

that he'd travelled
to the Gamma Quadrant,

or that he opened negotiations
with one of its worlds.

Negotiations that you will complete.

According to Krax,

Stakoron ll contains rich deposits
of mizainite ore.

A very lucrative opportunity.

- Quark?
- What now?

About the bar...

You have so much, and l have so little...

Which is exactly how it was meant to be.


Let's not keep our new partners waiting.

Nagus, my father himself
never looked more commanding.

Maybe it would be wise
to take a dabo girl along with us.

Whatever for?

A pretty woman by my side

would add to my prestige.

Never underestimate
the importance of a first impression.

One look at your imposing features,

and the Stakoron negotiators
will give us what we ask for.

All right. lf you really think
l won't need her...

Believe me, you won't. Shall we?

This is an...historic moment.


There must be some mistake.

There's no ship docked here.


Rom, you idiot!
Krax, what are you standing there for?

What's the matter with you two?

Open the door!

Do you hear me? Open up!

- You must obey your Nagus!
- You've just been voted out of office!

Rom! Brother!


You were going to toss me
out an airlock.

- l never meant it!
- Well, l do.

''Rom's.'' Nice name for a bar,
don't you think?

Enough talk. Let's get this started.

Would you like to do the honours?
Or should l?

Let me out!

Let me out of here!


Release him!

Nagus! You're alive!

Well, Quark, looks like
you needed my help after all.

Don't you recognize your father?

- You died.
- l saw it happen.

l entered a Dolbargy sleeping trance.

But why?

lt was a test to see
if you were ready to take my place.

And you failed...miserably!

But, Father, l am ready. l am ready!

You saw for yourself
l was about to grab power!

You don't grab power.

You accumulate it
without anyone noticing.

But l don't understand.

The bar, you fool.
That was the key.

All visitors stopping by
on their way to and from the wormhole.

You could have sat there quietly

and gathered up information
about the Gamma Quadrant.

What about him?

He could have held the sceptre

while you controlled everything.

When everything was running
smoothly, you would take over.

- But, Father...
- l'm not interested in excuses!

Go back to the ship.
We'll be leaving here shortly.

Yes, Father.

lt's like talking to a Klingon.

l guess this still belongs to you.

Yes. lt looks like
l'll have to remain Grand Nagus

long enough to establish
a Ferengi presence

in the Gamma Quadrant.

And l was really looking forward
to retirement.

lf l hear of any good
Gamma Quadrant deals

you'd be right for,
l'll let you know.

You know where to find me.

You've done a very profitable job here.

Who knows, maybe one day

l'll come back and buy it from you.

So, were going to toss me
out an airlock.

- Forgive me, brother.
- Forgive you?

Why, brother...

l didn't think you had the lobes.

Such wonderful treachery
deserves a reward!

l'm making you the assistant manager
of policy and clientele.

What exactly does that mean?

l don't know. l just made it up.
Come on, l'll buy you a drink.

So what time tomorrow?

As soon as you get out of school?



What are you doing here?

l was waiting for you.


You're a great boy, you know that?

Now go be with your friend.