Soap (1977–1981): Season 1, Episode 6 - Soap - full transcript

Father Tim has to raise his voice in church to drown out Corinne's pleas; Jessica blames Chester for her affair with Peter, as he was the one who bought her a tennis racket for her birthday.

THIS IS THE STORY
OF 2 SISTERS,

JESSICA TATE

AND MARY CAMPBELL.

JESSICA LIVES
IN A NEIGHBORHOOD
KNOWN AS RICH.

JESSICA LIKES LIFE.

THE ONLY THING ABOUT LIFE
SHE WOULD CHANGE,
IF SHE COULD,

IS THAT SHE WOULD
SET IT ALL TO MUSIC.

THE TATES HAVE MORE SECRETS
THAN THEY DO MONEY.

WE'RE APPROACHING
MARY CAMPBELL'S HOUSE.

MARY, TOO, LIKES LIFE.

UNFORTUNATELY,
LIFE DOESN'T SEEM



TO BE TOO CRAZY
ABOUT HER.

AS YOU CAN SEE,
THE CAMPBELLS DON'T HAVE

NEARLY AS MUCH MONEY
AS THE TATES.

THEY DO, HOWEVER,
HAVE AS MANY SECRETS.

IN LAST WEEK'S EPISODE
OF SOAP,

DANNY ONCE AGAIN
TRIED TO KILL BURT,
BUT COULDN'T.

CORINNE TRIED TO TALK
FATHER TIMOTHY FLOTSKY

INTO LEAVING THE CHURCH
AND GOING WITH HER,
BUT COULDN'T.

UNABLE TO HAVE THE ONLY MAN
SHE EVER WANTED,

CORINNE DECIDED TO GO AHEAD
AND MOVE IN WITH PETER.

MEANWHILE, JESSICA
WAS TELLING PETER

SHE COULD NEVER
SEE HIM AGAIN.

CORINNE WALKED IN AND FOUND
HER MOTHER KISSING PETER.

LITTLE DID SHE KNOW
HER MOTHER WAS
KISSING HIM OFF.



CORINNE, UNABLE
TO HAVE FATHER TIM,

THE MAN SHE WANTS,
CAN'T LIVE WITH HIM,

AND FINDING THE MAN SHE HAS
WITH HER MOTHER,
CAN'T LIVE AT HOME.

AND SINCE SHE HAS
TO LIVE SOMEWHERE,

SHE DECIDES TO MOVE IN
WITH PETER ANYWAY.

CONFUSED?

YOU WON'T BE AFTER
THIS WEEK'S EPISODE OF SOAP.

ALL RIGHT, BILLY.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

2 DAYS LOCKED UP
IN YOUR ROOM

BECAUSE MOLLY BROKE UP
WITH YOU IS PLENTY.

BUT I CAN'T GO BACK.
I CAN'T FACE THE KIDS.

WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO
WITH YOUR LIFE?

I DON'T KNOW. JOIN THE CIRCUS
AND BECOME A CLOWN.

AND ALL BECAUSE
OF SOME LITTLE GIRL?

SHE'S NOT SOME LITTLE GIRL.
WE WERE GOIN' STEADY.

THEN SHE LEFT ME
FOR A JUNIOR.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU
FIGHT FOR HER? WIN HER BACK.

DAD, COME ON.
I CAN'T COMPETE.

HE'S 6'1"
AND DRIVES A CONVERTIBLE.

I'M A MIDGET
WITH A SCHWINN.

WELL, WHAT IS SHE,
THE ONLY GIRL IN THE WORLD?

BILLY, DO YOU KNOW
HOW MANY GIRLS
THERE ARE OUT THERE?

THEY'RE ALL OVER
THE PLACE.

THOUSANDS,
MILLIONS OF THEM,

BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL,
GLORIOUS,

VOLUP... LOTS OF GIRLS.

YEAH, BUT I WANT MOLLY.

THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE
YOU CAN'T HAVE MOLLY.

BILLY, LET ME
TELL YOU A STORY.

DURING THE WAR, THIS GUY
HERBIE AND I BECAME FRIENDS.

WELL, HERBIE FELL IN LOVE

WITH A WONDERFUL
ITALIAN GIRL, CARLA.

THINKING OF CARLA
WAS WHAT GOT HIM
THROUGH THE WAR.

WELL, CARLA DIED,
AND HERBIE NEARLY FELL APART.

HE STAYED IN, DRANK...

I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE
SO MISERABLE.

AND THEN ONE DAY
HERBIE CAME TO ME
AND HE SAID:

"CHET, LIFE MUST GO ON."

AND HERBIE WENT ON.

A FEW YEARS LATER,
HE FELL IN LOVE
WITH ANOTHER WOMAN,

MARRIED HER
AND THEY WENT TO JAMAICA
ON THEIR HONEYMOON.

AND SHE RAN OFF
WITH A STEEL BAND.

BUT HERBIE WENT ON.

HE MARRIED AGAIN,

AND THIS TIME,
AT THE WEDDING RECEPTION,

HIS BRIDE LEFT HIM
FOR THE CATERER.

BUT STILL,
HERBIE WENT ON.

HIS NEXT WIFE RAN OFF
WITH HIS PARTNER,

WHO RAN OFF
WITH HIS BUSINESS.

BUT STILL,
HERBIE WENT ON.

BECAUSE YOU SEE, BILLY,

HE KNEW THAT THERE'S
A WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE.

HE KNEW THAT SOMEWHERE,
AROUND SOME CORNER,

HE WOULD FIND HAPPINESS.

WOW! I FEEL LIKE A JERK.

I MEAN, LOOK AT HERBIE,
A LIFETIME OF DISASTERS.

I HAD A WEEK WITH
A 13-YEAR-OLD SHRIMP
WHO LISPS...

AND I'M GONNA THROW
MY LIFE AWAY?

HA.
THANKS, DAD.

GOOD BOY. I'LL SEE YOU
AT BREAKFAST, EH?

HEY, DAD...
HMM?

WHERE'S HERBIE NOW?

OH, HE'S, UH,
IN A MENTAL INSTITUTION.

WHAT?

YES. HE JUST SITS
IN A CORNER,

TALKS IN NUMBERS
AND MAKES LOVELY BASKETS.

BUT...

I THOUGHT...

I THOUGHT
HE ALWAYS GOES ON?

WELL, BILLY, PLEASE.

THERE'S JUST SO MUCH GOING ON
THAT A MAN CAN DO.

ARE YOU GOING
TO TELL MR. TATE

THAT CORINNE
IS MOVING IN WITH PETER?

'CAUSE IF YOU ARE,

THAT'S 2 PLACES
I WON'T HAVE TO SET NO MORE.

NO, BENSON, ONLY ONE PLACE,
CORINNE'S.

2. 'CAUSE WHEN
MR. TATE FINDS OUT,

IT'S GONNA KILL HIM.

GOOD MORNING.
GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING, CHESTER.

BENSON!

I ASKED FOR
A 3-MINUTE EGG.

THAT IS
A 3-MINUTE EGG.

THIS EGG IS RAW.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT

WHEN YOU ASK FOR AN EGG
IN 3 MINUTES?

I GOT TO GET IT
OUT OF THE REFRIGERATOR,

GET IT ONTO A PLATE,

GET IT ALL THE WAY
IN HERE.

YOU WANT IT COOKED,

THEN YOU GOTTA GIVE ME
10 MINUTES.

I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT
TO MAKE.

UH, CORINNE IS...

NOT HERE.

I THINK THAT WE CAN
SEE THAT, JESSICA.

WELL, YES, OF COURSE
YOU CAN, CHESTER,

BECAUSE HER SEAT
IS EMPTY.

WHERE IS SHE?

CORINNE...

IS MOVING.

MOVING? WHERE?

WHERE? WHERE
IS SHE MOVING?

OH, CHESTER,
THAT IS A GOOD QUESTION.

CORINNE IS MOVING
INTO, UH, AN APARTMENT

THAT SHE'S GONNA SHARE
WITH SOMEONE.

OH, WELL,
I'M NOT SURPRISED.

NOT YET!

I'M SURE SHE'S AT AN AGE
WHEN SHE WANTS TO BE
ON HER OWN.

AND SHE'S GONNA
HAVE A ROOMMATE?

YES, DEAR.
GOOD.

I REALLY DON'T WANT HER
LIVING ALONE.

DO WE KNOW
THE GIRL'S FAMILY?

YES, YES, WE DO. WE... WE KNOW
THE FAMILY REALLY QUITE WELL.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,
WE'RE ALMOST RELATED.

GOOD. GOOD.
WHO IS IT?

BILLY, RUN UPSTAIRS
AND GET MOTHER SOMETHING.

WHY CAN'T ANYBODY EVER TALK
IN FRONT OF ME, HMM?

I MEAN, I WALK INTO A ROOM
AND CONVERSATION STOPS.

I WENT AROUND FOR YEARS

THINKING A SURPRISE PARTY
WAS BEING PLANNED FOR ME.

WELL, I'M NOT LEAVING, MOM.
I'M NOT MISSING THIS.

JESSICA, WHO IS THE GIRL?

WHAT GIRL, CHESTER?

THE GIRL CORINNE
WILL BE LIVING WITH.

THE GIRL? HUH, OH,
THE GIRL.

OH, LOOK,
HERE'S CORINNE.

OH, I TOLD DADDY
THAT YOU WERE MOVING, DEAR.

WHO IS SHE MOVING IN WITH?

AND DADDY THINKS THAT'S NICE.
ISN'T THAT NICE, DEAR?

THINGS ARE SO MUCH NICER

WHEN PEOPLE THINK
THEY'RE NICE.
DON'T YOU THINK SO?

I THINK SO.

YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM
WHO I WAS MOVING IN WITH?

NO.

I'M MOVING IN WITH PETER.

"PETER, PETER,
PUMPKIN EATER,

HAD A WIFE
AND COULDN'T KEEP HER."

"PUT HER IN
A PUMPKIN SHELL

AND THERE HE KEPT HER
VERY WELL."

OH, I LOVE THAT ONE.
DON'T YOU, DADDY?

CORINNE,
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

SAY...

♪ SAY IT ISN'T SO ♪

♪ SAY IT ISN'T SO ♪

♪ EVERYONE IS SAYING ♪

ALL RIGHT, STOP!

♪ STOP, IN THE NAME
OF LOVE ♪

♪ BEFORE YOU... ♪

SHUT UP, BENSON.

♪ BREAK MY HEART ♪

ALL RIGHT, CORINNE,
ONE MORE TIME.

♪ SAY IT ISN'T ♪

AHEM. I SAID,
I'M MOVING IN WITH PETER.

PETER. WHO IS PETER?

PETER CAMPBELL,
THE TENNIS PRO.

THAT'S IT?
THAT'S THE BIG THING?

I THOUGHT
IT WAS SOMETHING GOOD.

I'M, UH, I'M SORRY, DADDY.

GOODBYE.

GOODBYE, MAJOR.

YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

GOODBYE, BENSON.

CORINNE, IF YOU
NEED ANYTHING,

YOU CALL ME, OK?

YEAH.

BUT DON'T BRING
YOUR LAUNDRY AROUND HERE,

'CAUSE I AIN'T GONNA DO IT.

THAT'S IT? YOU'RE JUST
GOING TO SIT THERE

WHILE OUR DAUGHTER
THROWS HER LIFE AWAY.

WELL, CHESTER,
I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.

GET HER BACK.

HOW?

WELL, YOU'D BETTER
THINK OF SOMETHING, JESSICA,

BECAUSE MY BLOOD PRESSURE'S
ALREADY RED-LINEDED.

ALL I HAVE TO DO
IS STAND UP

AND I WILL HAVE
A CEREBRAL HEMORRHAGE
ON THE SPOT.

SIMON SAYS, "STAND UP."

WHAT'S GOING ON,
CORINNE?

NOTHING.
NOTHING?

YOU'RE UPSTAIRS,
PACKING,

MOTHER'S DOWNSTAIRS,
CRYING,

AND NOTHING'S GOING ON?

I DON'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IT.

YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY,
CORINNE.

ALL THESE YEARS
I COULDN'T WAIT
FOR ONE OF US

TO MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE
AND NOW YOU ARE AND...

I'M KIND OF SAD.

IT'S BETTER THIS WAY.

TELL ME, CORINNE.

I CAN'T.

ARE YOU IN LOVE?

REALLY, EUNICE,
I CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT.

YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.

I WOULD UNDERSTAND.

I'M IN LOVE.

YOU'RE IN LOVE?

BUT YOU NEVER GO OUT!

WHO ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH,
UNITED PARCEL?

CORINNE, YOU'RE JUST GONNA
HAVE TO TAKE MY WORD FOR IT.

I CAN'T TELL YOU WHO IT IS.
IT'S VERY COMPLICATED.

COMPLICATED, PLEASE,
YOU DON'T KNOW
FROM COMPLICATED.

NO, BELIEVE ME, CORINNE,

IF YOU KNEW WHO WAS INVOLVED
IN MY SITUATION, YOU'D FAINT.

IF YOU KNEW
WHO WAS INVOLVED IN MINE,
YOU'D DROP DEAD.

ALL RIGHT, CORINNE.
ALL RIGHT.

I HAPPEN TO BE IN LOVE
WITH A PUBLIC FIGURE.

PEANUTS.

A MARRIED,
A MARRIED PUBLIC FIGURE.

ZIP.

ALL RIGHT, CORINNE.

I'M IN LOVE...

WITH CONGRESSMAN,
WALTER McCALLAM.

HUH!
TOP THAT.

I COULD.
BUT I CAN'T TELL YOU.

I KNEW YOU COULDN'T.
MINE'S BIGGER.

OH, YEAH?
YEAH.

A MARRIED CONGRESSMAN?
RIGHT.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS ONE?

I'M MOVING IN
WITH PETER CAMPBELL.

WHO'S ALSO HAVING AN AFFAIR
WITH MOTHER.

CORINNE, YOU'RE
NOT ALLOWED TO LIE.

IT'S THE TRUTH.

MOTHER?

OUR MOTHER?

MMM-HMM.

THE MOTHER DOWNSTAIRS?

JESSICA?

THE REDHEAD?

THAT'S THE ONE.

YOU WIN.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

I MEAN, IT TOOK ME
20 YEARS TO BELIEVE

SHE DID IT WITH DADDY.

OH, ISN'T THIS NICE.

OH, I JUST LOVE THIS.

ALL THE TATE WOMEN
HAVE GATHERED HERE TOGETHER.

WELL, UH, YOU TWO PROBABLY
HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT.

YES.
NO.

UH, YOU TWO PROBABLY
HAVE A LOT
NOT TO TALK ABOUT,

IN WHICH CASE
I'LL STILL LEAVE.

CORINNE.

YOU KNOW, CORINNE,

IN... IN LIFE,
PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES.

LITTLE MISTAKES
AND BIG MISTAKES.

AND I MADE A BIG MISTAKE.

WELL, ACTUALLY,
I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE

AND I... I AM SORRY, I...

YOU HAVE NO IDEA
HOW TERRIBLY SORRY I AM.

BUT YOU SEE, I... I THOUGHT
IF I TOLD YOU

WHAT A MISTAKE
I HAD MADE,
AND HOW SORRY I WAS,

THAT IT WOULD MAKE
EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT.

BUT, UH...

NOW THAT I'M HEARING IT,
I REALIZE

THAT IT'S JUST
NOT ENOUGH.

AND I GUESS IT PROBABLY
WON'T BE ENOUGH

FOR A... A LONG TIME
TO COME.

BUT I STILL
WANT TO SAY IT.

I AM SORRY.

I'M A MOTHER

AND I KNOW YOU,

YOU THINK I SHOULD
HAVE KNOWN BETTER.

BUT CORINNE,

KNOWING BETTER
DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK OUT.

SO, I'M SORRY.

BUT I GUESS I'M...

I'M SORRY ABOUT
A LOT OF THINGS IN MY LIFE.

BUT MOST OF ALL,

I'M SORRY FOR
WHAT'S HAPPENED BETWEEN US.

I'M GOING
TO MISS YOU.

GOODBYE, CORINNE.

I... I'VE RUINED
MY MARRIAGE,

I'VE RUINED MY LIFE,
CORINNE'S LEFT HOME,

AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE
I TOOK TENNIS LESSONS.

OK, JESS.

LET'S JUST TAKE
ONE THING AT A TIME.

WHAT HAPPENED
FROM THE BEGINNING?

WELL, IT ALL STARTED
2 MONTHS AGO,

WHEN CHESTER GAVE ME
A TENNIS RACKET.

I... I DON'T KNOW
WHY HE GAVE ME
A TENNIS RACKET.

I NEVER SAID
I WANTED ONE.

I MAY HAVE MENTIONED
I WANTED A CUISINART,

BUT I NEVER ONCE MENTIONED
THAT I WANTED A TENNIS RACKET.

WELL... OH, MARY,
HAVE YOU GOT A CUISINART?

THEY ARE WONDERFUL.

YOU CAN JUST
THROW YOUR KNIVES AWAY.

YOU'LL NEVER HAVE
TO CHOP FOOD AGAIN.

WHAT HAPPENED, JESS?

WELL, WHEN I FIRST GOT MINE,
ALL THE FOOD TURNED TO MUSH...

JESSICA!

WHAT HAPPENED?

OH, WELL, WELL,

CHESTER GAVE ME
THIS TENNIS RACKET

AND I... I DIDN'T WANT
TO APPEAR UNGRATEFUL, MARY.

SO, I HAD TO TAKE
TENNIS LESSONS.

AND BECAUSE I TOOK
TENNIS LESSONS, I MET PETER.

AND BECAUSE I MET PETER,
I SLEPT WITH HIM.

BECAUSE
I SLEPT WITH HIM,

NOW CHESTER'S
PROBABLY GONNA FIND OUT.

AND WHEN CHESTER FINDS OUT,

MY ENTIRE LIFE
IS GONNA BE RUINED.

AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE
CHESTER GAVE ME
A TENNIS RACKET.

THIS IS ACTUALLY
CHESTER'S FAULT.

MARY! MARY, MARY,
HAVE I GOT NEWS.

I JUST GOT THIS CABLE
AT... AT WORK.

MY SON, CHUCK,
IS COMING HERE FROM HAWAII.

BURT, THIS IS... THIS IS SIGNED
"CHUCK AND BOB." WHO'S BOB?

AH, IT'S NOBODY.

WELL, HE'S OBVIOUSLY
SOMEBODY, BURT,

BECAUSE HE'S COMING
AND HE DOESN'T EAT MEAT.

WHO DOESN'T EAT MEAT?
BOB.

WHO'S BOB?

I DON'T KNOW.

SOMEBODY WHO'S COMING
WITH CHUCK.

WHO'S CHUCK?

BURT'S SON.
WHO'S BOB?

I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHO CHUCK IS.

WHO'S BOB?

IT'S A DUMMY.

BURT, I DIDN'T ASK YOU
FOR HIS I.Q.,

I ASKED YOU WHO HE WAS.

A DUMMY.

WELL, YOUR SON PETER'S
NO GENIUS, EITHER.

WHERE'S PETER?

HE'S A DUMMY.

BUT HE'S SWEET, BURT.

NO, NO, NO, BOB.
BOB'S A DUMMY.

YOU KNOW,
A LITTLE WOODEN DOLL.

A WOODEN DOLL?

LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

YOUR SON, CHUCK,
IS COMING HERE FROM HAWAII

WITH BOB,
HIS LITTLE WOODEN DOLL.

RIGHT.

AND YOU THOUGHT
I HAD PROBLEMS?

COME ON, COME ON.

I GOT HIM BOB
WHEN HE WAS A LITTLE KID.

BOB.

BOB, YEAH.

WELL, YEAH. SEE, WE DON'T
REFER TO HIM AS A DUMMY

BECAUSE IT KIND OF
UPSETS CHUCK.

NOT TO MENTION DRIVING BOB
COMPLETELY CRAZY.

NO, NOW, HE'S HAD BOB
ALL HIS LIFE.
HE TOOK HIM EVERYWHERE.

TOOK HIM TO SCHOOL, TO CAMP,
INTO THE ARMY...

HE TOOK A DOLL
INTO THE ARMY?

AT LEAST HE COULD
GET INTO THE ARMY.

SPECIAL SERVICES, VIETNAM.
THEY ENTERTAINED THE TROOPS.

I'M SURE THEY DID.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
HE WON A MEDAL.

WHO? CHUCK OR BOB?

CHUCK.

UH, MARY,
I HAVE TO GO NOW.

I HAVE TO GO AND SEE
WHAT NEW DISASTER'S
BEFALLEN ME.

WELL, GOODBYE, BURT.

I... I AM SO HAPPY THAT 2 MORE
OF YOUR SONS ARE COMING.

ONE SON.
THE OTHER'S A DUMMY.

WELL, SMART OR DUMB,
THEY'RE YOUR CHILDREN

AND YOU LOVE THEM.

TIM...

I HAD TO COME, TIM.

I HAD TO SEE YOU
ONE LAST TIME.

I MOVED IN WITH THAT MAN
I TOLD YOU ABOUT.

BUT I HAD TO SEE YOU
ONCE MORE AND TELL YOU
HOW I FEEL.

I LOVE YOU, TIM.

I KNOW IT'S CRAZY
TO WANT YOU.

I MEAN, PEOPLE WOULD SAY,
"WHY HIM? WHY TIM?

HE'S NOT THAT
TERRIFIC-LOOKING."

I MEAN, YOU'RE CUTE, TIM,

BUT FACE IT,
YOU'RE NO AL PACINO.

AND WHO KNOWS
WHAT YOUR BODY IS LIKE
UNDER THAT OUTFIT.

LOOK AT YOU, YOU GO AROUND
WEARING A LITTLE BLACK DRESS.

BUT I STILL WANT YOU.

TIM, PLEASE,

I'LL LEAVE HIM.
COME WITH ME.

I KNOW YOU WANT TO.

IF YOU LEFT,
GOD WOULD UNDERSTAND.

HE'S SEEN A LOT.
HE'S MILLIONS OF YEARS OLD.

WHAT DO YOU THINK THERE IS
THAT HE HASN'T SEEN?

NO, HUH?

TIM, COULD YOU STOP PRAYING
FOR JUST A MINUTE?

IT'S MAKING ME
KIND OF CRAZY.

OK. FINE.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.
YOU WON'T DROWN ME OUT.

YOU'RE GONNA HEAR THIS
BEFORE I LEAVE FOREVER.

I WILL STAY
WITH THIS MAN, TIM,

BUT I WILL ALWAYS
THINK OF YOU.

WHEN HE TAKES ME IN HIS ARMS,
I'LL PRETEND IT'S YOU.

AND WHEN HE WHISPERS MY NAME,
I'LL PRETEND IT'S YOU.

AND... AND WHEN I'M WITH HIM,
I'LL PRETEND IT'S YOU.

FORGET IT, TIM.

ALL THE PRAYING
IN THE WORLD

WILL NOT STOP ME
FROM LOVING YOU.

GOODBYE, TIM.

I LOVE YOU.

FATHER TIM,
FATHER TIM.

TAKE IT EASY.

GOD IS NOT DEAF.

GODFATHER?

OVER HERE, DANNY.
OVER HERE.

GODFATHER?

AH, HERE I AM, DANNY.

DANNY, I'M IN THE MIDDLE
OF A CATASTROPHE.

THIS IS MY ONLY
HEALTHY TOMATO PLANT, HUH.

LOOK,

EH, EH, YOU KNOW
WHAT THIS IS HERE?

UH-UH.
TOMATO BUGS.

THESE BUGS LIVE
FOR ONLY ONE THING IN LIFE:

DESTROYING TOMATO PLANTS.

HEY, NICE WORK, HUH?

I... WHAT I WANT TO KNOW
IS THIS:

IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE LARGEST CITY
IN THE WORLD

WHERE THERE IS
NO AGRICULTURE TO SPEAK OF,

ON THE ROOF
OF A 20-STORY BUILDING,

HOW THEY KNOW
THERE'S TOMATOES HERE?

I DON'T KNOW.
HUH!

HEY, MAYBE THERE WAS
A COUPLE OF BUGS ON A FARM

SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDWEST

AND ONE BUG
SAID TO THE OTHER BUG:

"HEY, LET'S GO SEE WHAT'S
DOIN' IN MANHATTAN, UH?"

THAT'S NOT FUNNY, DANNY.

THESE TOMATOES ARE DYING.

THESE TOMATO PLANTS ARE DYING
AND I CAN'T SAVE THEM.

OH, DANNY,

I'VE BEEN READING
THE OBITUARIES
THE LAST FEW DAYS,

AND I LOOK, AND I LOOK,
AND I LOOK,

AND NEVER DO I SEE THE NAME
OF BURT CAMPBELL.

AND I ASK MYSELF, "HEY,
WHY DON'T I SEE THIS NAME?"

WELL, UH...

IT'S, UH, IT'S BECAUSE
HE'S NOT DEAD YET.

AH! WELL, THAT CERTAINLY
CLEARS UP THE MYSTERY, EH?

I WAS THINKING
THAT PROBABLY WAS IT.

YEAH, THAT WAS IT.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU
WAITING FOR, DANNY, EH?

HE SHOULD DIE
OF OLD AGE?

GODFATHER, I JUST
DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT.

WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BE AN ENGINEER, DANNY.

YOU TAKE THE GUN,
YOU POINT IT,
YOU PULL THE TRIGGER.

BE NICE IF HE WAS
IN THE ROOM.

SO, DANNY,
YOU BE A NICE A BOY, UH?

YOU GO HOME AND KILL BURT.

GODFATHER, I JUST...
I JUST CAN'T DO IT.

I KNOW YOU SAID
IN ORDER FOR ME TO LEAVE,
I HAD TO DO YOU A FAVOR.

YEAH.
OK,

BUT COULDN'T YOU GIVE ME
SOMETHING ELSE TO DO?

AH, WHAT DID YOU
HAVE IN MIND, DANNY, EH?

YOU WANNA CLEAN OUT
MY GARAGE?

YOU WANNA SIMONIZ
THE LIMOUSINE?

A DEAL'S A DEAL'S, DANNY.

BESIDES, IT'S
OUTTA MY HANDS NOW, HUH.

I'M A SORRY.
MR. LEFKOWITZ WANTS IT DONE.

COULDN'T I TALK
TO MR. LEFKOWITZ?

NO WAY, PLEASE, DANNY.

LEFKOWITZ TALKS
TO NOBODY, NOBODY.

MR. LEFKOWITZ DOESN'T
EVEN TALK TO MRS. LEFKOWITZ.

FIRST OF ALL
YOU CAN'T PRY HIM AWAY

FROM HIS COCKAMAMIE
STAMP COLLECTION...

GODFATHER, I CAN'T DO IT!
I JUST CAN'T DO IT!

ALL RIGHT, DANNY.
YOU LISTEN TO ME NOW, EH?

COME OVER HERE.
THIS IS YOUR LAST A CHANCE.

YOU TAKE THIS KEY.

THIS IS A KEY TO
A REMOTE CABIN IN THE WOODS

WHERE, IN THE NEXT 2 DAYS,
YOU WILL KILL BURT.

YOU INVITE HIM
TO GO FISHING WITH YOU...

FISHING?

WELL, IF YOU TELL HIM
THE REAL REASON,

I DON'T THINK
HE'S GONNA WANNA GO, EH?

ALL RIGHT. IN THE CABIN,
THERE'S A FIREPLACE.

IN THE CHIMNEY
OF THE FIREPLACE,
THERE'S A GUN.

THE BODY
YOU JUST LEAVE THERE

AND WE'LL
TAKE CARE OF IT.

DANNY? OH.

YOU'RE SUCH A HANDSOME BOY,
NICE-LOOKING, YOU KNOW.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE
YOUR BODY IN BROOKLYN,

YOUR FACE IN THE BRONX.
THAT WOULD UPSET ME.

GODFATHER,
I JUST CAN'T DO IT.

YOU JUST DESTROYED
MY ONLY HEALTHY TOMATO PLANT.

AND YOU SERIOUSLY INJURED
MY DOORMAN.

I THINK YOU CAN KILL BURT.

WILL CORINNE FIND HAPPINESS
WITH PETER?

WILL JESSICA FIND HAPPINESS
WITHOUT PETER?

WILL CORINNE FIND HAPPINESS
WITHOUT FATHER TIM?

WILL FATHER TIM
FIND HAPPINESS,

OR WILL CORINNE
DRIVE HIM CRAZY?

WILL DANNY INVITE BURT
TO THE WOODS TO KILL HIM?

WILL BURT'S OTHER SON, CHUCK,

AND HIS LITTLE
WOODEN DOLL, BOB,

ARRIVE FROM HAWAII?

AND IF THEY DO,
WILL BURT LIVE TO SEE THEM?

THESE QUESTIONS
AND MANY OTHERS

WILL BE ANSWERED ON
NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE OF SOAP.