Smash (2012–2013): Season 1, Episode 5 - Smash - full transcript

In the workshop, Derek seems to be changing both his professional and personal allegiance from Ivy to Karen, which places both women in an awkward and embarrassing situation. While Ivy ...

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---
Previously on "Smash".

Welcome to Marilyn.

How come nobody told me
she was going to be here?

Derek didn't tell you?

Why don't we ever go
to your place?

She's just...
She's right next to me,

and she's just
a little bit loud.

She's trying to
get me fired.

All I need is $200,000.
That's it.

- I have a date.
- Yay, mom.

I had an affair
with Michael Swift,



and no one else can know.

Scott, a few things...

I need you
to move Amelia to Friday,

apologize
for the late notice.

We need to RSVP
for the moma event.

And, uh, I still haven't seen
those pages from Julia.

Okay, um,
this is awkward.

What's awkward?

Man, well, Jerry...

I work for Jerry now.

He made me
a very generous offer,

and I've accepted.

Eileen?

Yes, Scott.



I just wanted to thank you for
all the opportunities that you...

Karen, can I borrow you
for a minute?

Yeah, sure.
What do you need?

I could use a hand.

The bridge sequence from
Let's be bad isn't working.

- Okay, should I...?
- Just follow me.

Come on, just relax.
What are you afraid of?

I'm not afraid of anything.

Well, we both know
that's not true.

Meaning what?

You're afraid of you.

You're terrified of anything
below the neck.

You have some problem
with follow-through.

And again.

My God, Frank,
you poor thing.

What, they can't get you out
on another flight?

We have a workshop
in 13 days,

and we still don't have
a final script.

There are three new scenes
that are coming along great.

She just doesn't want
to show anyone.

You've read them.

Julia and I share
the same brain.

Talking to me is like talking
to myself, so I don't count.

- 13 days, Tom.
- I'll tell her.

- Hey.
- Hello?

Sorry.
Are you making a call?

No, it's just, uh, Frank.
I keep losing him.

What's up?

I just read the hotel scene,
with Marilyn and DiMaggio

after
the Seven year itch shoot.

I had a couple of questions.

Can we find a time to talk,
maybe after rehearsal?

Hello?

This connection
is so bad.

Frank, I'll call you back!

So do you want
to work tonight?

I'm supposed to see John,
but I could easily cancel.

My God, you are not
bailing on this guy.

This is so you.

Ten minutes ago,
you liked him.

Now what?
What... what's his flaw?

He's a lawyer. I'm not gonna
wind up with a lawyer.

- Go on a date.
- And he says "wow" a lot.

Please.

Hon? Hon?
Wait. On which flight?

You're breaking up.
I can't hear you.

Am I late?

No.
Karen was early.

Okay, everyone,
our Marilyn's here.

Let's do Let's be bad.
We'll take it from the top.

- Josh, please.
- Everybody up.

5, 6, 7, and...

1, 2, 3, 4...

I don't know
why I went to law school.

My dad's a lawyer,
and my brother's a lawyer,

two of my uncles.

I guess it's in the genes.

Last time, I promise.
Sorry.

I have a very anxious producer
on my hands.

Is that the one I met?
Very hermes?

Right now she is stalking me
about the script,

when it's really Julia...

Sorry.

You were in the middle of...

What were you
in the middle of?

I just don't want DiMaggio
to come off as a complete tool

where we're not rooting
for him

to come back
into Marilyn's life.

Well, that's a murky issue,
isn't it?

What's murky?

I mean, the guy might not have
been husband of the year,

but he was the love
of her life.

That's just not necessarily
the show I'm writing.

The guy sprung her
from the loony bin

and planned her funeral.

If he's not the guy,
who is?

It's not just a love story.

I'm trying to explore
some bigger themes.

What's bigger than love?

So was that it?
Were those all your notes?

I like to think of them
more as thoughts.

Am I not allowed to share
my thoughts with you anymore?

No, don't worry.

I will take care
of Mr. DiMaggio.

He will not be a villain.

That Frank?

No, it's a weird number.

I don't know who it is.

What's he off doing,
anyway?

A teaching retreat,
to get recertified.

He took so many years off.

They do a kind of brush-up
program in Berkeley.

I kind of hate you
for ordering this.

Nothing's really
speaking to me here,

but we can go back to my place
for a nightcap.

You know,
I'm pretty tired.

Okay.

So are we not ever having sex?
Are we just friends?

I am not avoiding
your question,

but it's a weird number.

I better... hello?

- Are you with my mom?
- No, what's up?

I-I'm sorry to bug you,
but I can't find her,

and my dad's out of town,
and I kind of got arrested.

Sit tight.
I'm on my way.

What kind of lawyer
are you again?

Explain to me again:

Why he was arrested

if it was the other kid who
was smoking pot with a...

- What do you call it?
- Vaporizer.

I don't even know
what that is.

It's a battery-operated bong.
May I?

Thanks. John Goodwin.
I'm an attorney.

Help me out here.

Was this boy in possession
of the marijuana

when you approached?
No.

Was he in possession
of the vaporizer

when you approached?
No.

Why is he cuffed if he
hasn't even been arrested?

- Because...
- What are the charges?

I'm waiting to hear
the charges.

- Loitering for drugs.
- Come on.

We both know you can never
make that stick.

It's going to stick
with this one.

He was giving me
an attitude.

All I said was, I have
the right to remain silent.

Isn't that
my constitutional right?

Leo, this is NCSI.

You're gonna let me
do the talking,

or you're gonna spend
the night in jail.

So other than enjoying
the park on a beautiful day,

adjacent to what so far
has the flimsiest chance

of being proven
as illegal activity,

has this minor,
who has no priors,

done anything in defiance
of the law?

So there's some chatter
going on

I thought
you should know about.

I'm listening.

You're not a lock
for that promotion.

They're looking at someone else
for press secretary.

- Who?
- I don't know yet...

Someone from Washington.

- Sorry to interrupt.
- Hey.

Karen, this is R.J.

Hey. It's nice
to meet you, finally.

I've heard only great things.
You're...

R.J. Quigley,
the New York Times reporter

I'm always
complaining about.

Of course. That's so funny.

I always thought "R. J." stood
for Ralph Johnson or something.

Rakhshan Afshin-Jam,
an iranian mouthful.

- Sort of like Devamadana.
- Right, exactly.

Don't get me started
on the middle name.

Well, this was fun,
but some of us have deadlines.

See you later.

I always pictured
a fat white guy with bad teeth.

Yeah. Not accurate.

I see that.
So noodletown again?

Don't be mad, but, um...

I don't think
I can do dinner tonight.

I, uh... I need to deal
with this.

You actually haven't told me
what you're dealing with.

Well, I don't know yet.

That's why it's good to have
crafty reporters on your side.

I'll see you at home, yeah?

Bye.

She does seem crafty.

She's gonna kill me,
and then when she's done,

she's gonna kill me again.

I am so dead.

♪ She's gonna
kill me twice ♪

♪ I'm so dead ♪

♪ So dead ♪

♪ I wish I'd gone
to the movies instead ♪

It wasn't my idea,
and I wasn't even smoking.

♪ I wasn't even smoking,
I was really only joking ♪

♪ my intentions
I'll be cloaking ♪

♪ something something toking ♪
stop.

- Leo?
- We're in here.

I just heard my messages!

What on earth?
It's not that big a deal.

You were arrested
for smoking pot in Central Park,

and that's not a big deal?

I would love to hear
how that is not a big deal!

He wasn't arrested.

John got him off
with a bench warrant.

He was amazing.
You should have seen him.

- What were you thinking?
- Don't know.

Mason said he wanted to,
and the next thing I know,

the cops were there,
and then I couldn't find you.

I was
in a work session and...

No, you don't get to be pissed.
I get to be pissed.

I can't believe
you did is!

You are so epically grounded!

Please don't lose it.
I know I was stupid.

I know.

Can I just go
to bed now?

Yes.

We're not done.

So where were you?

Talking with Michael
about the script.

For crying out loud.

He had some smart ideas,
and I resent your tone.

My tone? Your tone is
the one screaming "guilty."

- It is not.
- Guilty.

- No.
- Guilty.

- No.
- So guilty...

No, I was eat... I was...

I was eating ice cream
and apple pie,

and we were talking.

- Guilty.
- No.

Look at me.

Your kid
was just arrested,

and you missed it
because you were too busy

flirting with your ex-boyfriend.

You're playing with fire,

and this was
your wake-up call.

Okay?

That's it!
That's my password!

Why are you torturing me?

Come in. It's open.

Special delivery.

Here is that book that Tom
wanted you to look at.

Look,
the Marilyn memoir...

And I can open it
without a password.

How quaint.

I'm pretty good with a computer,
if you need some help.

- Please.
- Sure.

It's actually
perfect timing.

Tom's in a holding pattern

while Julia catches up
with her pages.

How are those pages
coming, Ellis?

We're only 12 days out,
you know.

Seriously, John,
without you,

I'd still be trying to tap-dance
Leo out of jail.

Anyhoo, um, I'd love
to finish our date,

so give me a call.

Heartbreaker
last night,

The game, knicks/lakers...

Last five seconds,
kobe Bryant, three-pointer?

This... nothing?
You don't...?

I don't.

That's not my...
I'm sorry. We haven't met yet.

I'm Tom.
I'm Sam.

Sam, sports
are anathema to me.

Even the Knicks,

Weird,

Nice to meet you.

Okay, guys, it's time.

Hurry up, please.

Let's take it from the end
of the first verse, please.

♪ If you say something
is taboo ♪

♪ well, that's the thing
I want to do ♪

♪ do it till
we're black and blue ♪

♪ let's be bad ♪

♪ guns and gangsters
suit me fine ♪

♪ Al Capone
is a buddy of mine ♪

♪ he's my big-shot Valentine ♪

♪ let's... ♪
Ivy, Ivy, stop.

- The vibrato.
- I'm sorry?

You're not getting
the vibrato on the note

the way Marilyn did.

I thought
that's what I just did.

- No, you didn't.
- Well, it's hard on a belt.

For crying out loud,
where's Karen? Karen!

I'm right here.

Show her how to do this.

Do what?

The vibrato on the note.

- The vibrato?
- Happy Birthday.

Just sing Happy Birthday.

You want me to sing hap...

My God.
Is there a problem here?

What, am I not
speaking English?

Just stand up and sing
Happy Birthday as Marilyn.

I've seen you do it.

♪ Happy Birthday ♪

♪ to you ♪

♪ Happy Birthday ♪

♪ to you ♪

♪ Happy Birthday ♪

♪ Mr. President ♪

♪ Happy Birthday ♪

♪ to you ♪

Did you hear that?

Karen, maybe you can work
with Ivy on that.

Set something up with Larry.
Let's do it again, please.

♪ If you say something
is taboo ♪

♪ well, that's the thing
I want to do ♪

♪ do it till
we're black and blue ♪

♪ let's be bad ♪

Honestly, Frank is fine
***

Me especially, after my date
with Michael Swift.

You don't need to come home.

Even though
that might be wise.

You need to stay
and finish your class.

- If anything bad happens...
- Anything worse.

Anything bad happens,
I'll let you know.

Okay, I will.

Me too.

Bye.

When's the last time
you had your piano tuned?

God, you say it every
single time you play my piano.

'Cause it's always
out of tune.

And this "F"
is still sticking.

I'm sorry the equipment
is not to your liking,

but I have to be here
while Leo is grounded.

He's got to suffer a little
and think about what he's done.

Sounds like
he's really reflecting!

No, you're not crazy.

That's woman's bananas...
Ba-Nanas.

Can I call you back
in a little bit?

I have a thing
I have to do.

Yeah, I'll tell you
all about it later.

Bye.

- Hey.
- Hey. Larry's not here?

I didn't see him.-

You know,
this is so silly.

I mean, I don't...
I don't know.

You sound amazing
on everything.

I don't know
why he needs you to...

To take singing lessons
from a chorus girl?

That's not
what I was going to say.

No?

Look, I know this is awkward
for both of us.

It's not awkward for me.

Well, you're acting
kind of...

Kind of what?

No, tell me.
How am I acting?

Look, you don't have to be
all mad at me, okay?

I'm no threat to you.
I'm not anything.

- My God.
- Okay.

Can I give you
a little advice?

Please do.

I'm a grown-up,
and I have a pretty clear sense

of what I bring
to the party.

That's the advice?

No, the advice is,
don't get ahead of yourself.

If I need a little dialect
coaching once in a while,

so be it.

Marilyn got help all the time...
All the time.

But she knew what she brought
to the party too,

and what she had
couldn't be taught.

Larry!

We've been waiting
and waiting.

We've done a lot of shows
together, Julia.

Yes, we have.
You know I'll get it done.

Better sooner
rather than later.

I hear you...
Completely.

Sorry.

Hello?
Hi.

- I tried.
- I know.

Thank you so much
for getting back to me.

Yeah, we just wanted
to make sure

that this, um...

Very small legal situation

that Leo found himself in...

That it's not gonna
affect the adoption and...

No, he wasn't arrested,
technically.

It...

I get it.

No.

I got it.

Thank you.

Hey.

What can I do for you?

Nothing.

Are you...
Is everything okay?

- No.
- No?

No.

♪ here's the key
for my ignition ♪

♪ hit the gas
to my transmission ♪

♪ when you hear
the things I'm wishin' ♪

♪ you won't offer
opposition ♪

♪ let's prohibit
prohibition ♪

♪ let's ♪
♪ let's ♪

- ♪ be ♪
♪ be ♪

- ♪ bad ♪
♪ bad ♪

♪ some like it hot,
and that ain't bad ♪

Should I try
something else?

Not necessary.
Moving on.

Let's take ten.

I'm going to pretend
that you said, "come in."

I didn't.

Come on...

I'm tired of being
your prison warden.

It's me.

Were you smoking pot
with Mason that day?

For the 28th time,
I've told you, no.

Have you ever smoked pot?

I can't believe
you just asked me that.

I'm 16, and I live
in New York City... next.

- Do you smoke a lot?
- No.

I've tried it a few times.

Look, I know
I was a colossal idiot,

going to Central Park
with Mason and his vaporizer.

It won't happen again.

See, it can't happen again.

You can't be around anyone
who is smoking pot

or drinking
or doing anything illegal,

because then it'll be
on your permanent record,

and that will affect
everything,

including the adoption.

That's what you
really care about.

No, I care about you,

and I know we both
want this adoption.

6, 7...
1, 2, 3, 4...

- Derek?
- 5, 6, 7...

Derek.

Yeah?

I wondered if you wanted
to hear the trill first

before we run it through.

No, don't need to.
Actually, there's one thing.

Jessica,
I might need you to...

- Hey, have you seen Julia?
- She's working from home.

She's having a family issue,

and that's where she needs
to be... with her family.

All right, let's go.

We'll take it
from the vamp.

- Okay, guys.
- Please.

5, 6, 7, and...

I'm sorry. Sorry.
That's okay. No problem.

Let's try it again.

5, 6, 7, and...

No, no, hang on.
Hang on.

I got it.

Take it from the top.

From before
Marilyn's entrance, okay?

♪ when we're feeling
down and low ♪

♪ then our favorite word
is "no" ♪

♪ 'cause it points
the way to go ♪

♪ let's be bad ♪

♪ who knows what... ♪

Does anyone think
she'll actually show up?

Is she even on the set?

Miss Monroe
is in her dressing room.

- What kind of shape is she in?
- Her shape ain't the problem.

Where is she?

We're gonna be stuck here
all night.

How many takes
we do yesterday... 60?

You know, someone
should fire her.

Fire miss Monroe?

♪ yeah, drummer man,
do what you can ♪

♪ tonight the hoo
will hit the fan ♪

♪ if you need
some more enticing ♪

♪ here's a girl
with twice the spicing ♪

♪ we're the cake,
but she's the icing ♪

♪ let's be bad,
let's be bad ♪

Arthur, where is she?

She's in her dressing room.
She's not feeling well.

I'm not feeling well either.
Get her out here now!

Here she is, boys.

Marilyn Monroe
in the flesh,

all ready to film yet
another thrilling movie

about a dumb blonde.

Marilyn,
you look wonderful.

And that's all that matters,
isn't it?

Darling, so many pills.

How do you expect me
to keep going?

You're not bringing in
any dough.

Somebody has to support us.

Let's take it
from her entrance.

- Where's my mark?
- Right this way, miss Monroe.

- Follow me.

Action!

♪ if you say
something is taboo ♪

♪ well, that's the thing
I want to do ♪

♪ do it till
we're black and blue ♪

♪ let's be bad ♪

♪ guns and gangsters
suit me fine ♪

♪ Al Capone
is a buddy of mine ♪

♪ he's my big-shot Valentine ♪

♪ let's be bad ♪

♪ if spirits are saggin' ♪

♪ if feet are a-draggin' ♪

♪ fall off of that wagon ♪

♪ the piano hums
to the bass and drums ♪

♪ and I'll be dancing
when hoover comes ♪

♪ don't care
if you've tied the knot ♪

♪ most folks want
what they ain't got ♪

♪ melt the ice,
some like it hot ♪

♪ let's be bad ♪

♪ here's my whistle,
make it wetter ♪

♪ let me wear
that Scarlet letter ♪

♪ when I'm bad,
I'm even better ♪

♪ let's be bad ♪

What a mess!

She's so doped up,
I can't use any of it.

♪ say bye-bye propriety,
no polite society ♪

♪ give me notoriety ♪

The whole world adores you.

Keep dancing.
You're gorgeous!

- Gorgeous!
- Gorgeous!

♪ Bring on the vices ♪

♪ don't care
what the price is ♪

♪ I'll add
the right spices ♪

♪ when the stand-up bass
slaps you in the face ♪

♪ well, it ain't my husband
I'll embrace ♪

♪ I can't see
the use in waiting ♪

♪ your lips
are intoxicating ♪

♪ do my hips need
some translating? ♪

♪ notify my next of kin ♪

♪ they might grieve
or might jump in ♪

♪ Gershwin is
the cat's pajamas ♪

♪ I'm the queen
of the red-hot mamas ♪

♪ each fop and he-man ♪

♪ just stick
with me, man ♪

♪ every joint's a juke
with my red-hot uke ♪

♪ and just like Judas
once said to Luke ♪

♪ here's the key
for my ignition ♪

♪ hit the gas
to my transmission ♪

♪ when you hear
the things I'm wishin' ♪

♪ you won't offer
opposition ♪

♪ let's prohibit
prohibition ♪

♪ let's ♪
♪ let's ♪

- ♪ be ♪
♪ be ♪

♪ bad ♪

♪ bad ♪

♪ some like it hot,
and that ain't bad ♪

- Hey, it was really amazing.
- Thanks.

- I heard the trill.
- My God, just stop.

Seriously,
don't condescend to me.

I wasn't.

Look, I've got
a lot on my plate,

but I'm handling it,

and I don't care what you think
or what Derek thinks.

It's bad enough in my personal life,

but now he's psyching me out
in rehearsal.

I mean, you saw me today.

I saw you pull it together
and kill it.

Thanks, but right now
it feels like it's killing me.

I'll get this round.

No, no, I'm already drunk.

Hey, what did I miss?
Who's he drinking about?

He won't say,
but I have my suspicions.

Don't you want to know
who it is?

No. This company has
too many drama queens as it is,

which reminds me...
I tried breaking the ice

with your friend Tom.

He's a hoot.

What's your problem
with Tom?

- He's just so gay.
- Sam, you're gay.

- You're gay?
- He's so gay.

I'm not that gay,
just gay.

I don't think
I should have to wear a banner.

Come on!
Where's your defense?

You might want
to wear a banner...

Maybe a little rainbow bracelet
or something.

Anyway,
I'm done playing games.

I should just ask Derek
where I stand.

- Please don't.
- Why shouldn't she?

Wouldn't you rather know
one way or the other?

- I know I would.
- Yeah, that's it.

- I'm doing it.
- Me too.

It was humiliating.

First, he had me sing
Happy Birthday

in front of everyone.

Then he made me give her
a private lesson.

How is that humiliating?

It sounds like he's got
a lot of faith in you.

"Faith" is not exactly
the word.

It's all payback for the first
time I sang it to him.

He owes you payback?
For singing Happy Birthday?

He's just a piece of work,
and so is that Ivy.

Well, office politics...
You can't escape them.

Come on, my love,
we're gonna be late.

Like,
she's a walking bombshell.

So maybe I'm not all...
You know, all the time.

I'm sorry,
but I wasn't raised that way.

I always looked down on girls
who were all about being sexy.

It just seemed so desperate.

I was hoping
you might wear something,

you know, sexier.

Did you even hear
a word I just said?

Look, cut me a break here.

I'm under a lot of pressure
at work.

I'm fighting to get
this promotion,

and I don't even know
who I'm up against.

What I do know is,
I've got a hot girlfriend,

and it wouldn't hurt
to show you off

at a big party
on the Intrepid tonight.

Poor Marilyn.

This was what her life
was like every day.

I mean, this is what drove her
to booze and pills, you know.

This is what killed her.

Yeah, well, a sexy dress
is not going to kill you,

but I might,
if you don't hurry up.

Come on, you know I love you
for your mind.

I just cannot be late tonight.

Then just go, babe.
I'll meet you there.

Really, just go.
Okay. I'll see you.

Hey. I'm Ivy.

♪ this is a man's world ♪

♪ this is a man's world ♪

♪ but it wouldn't be nothing ♪

♪ nothing without a woman ♪

♪ or a girl ♪

♪ you see ♪

♪ man made the car ♪

♪ to take us over the road ♪

♪ man made the train ♪

♪ to carry,
carry the heavy load ♪

♪ you see, this is a,
a man's ♪

♪ man's, man's,
man's world ♪

♪ but it don't mean nothing ♪

♪ without a woman
or a girl ♪

♪ he's lost
in the wilderness ♪

♪ he's lost
in the bitterness ♪

♪ this is ♪

♪ a man's world ♪

♪ and it's nothing ♪

♪ without a ♪

♪ woman ♪

Yeah, I know what I bring
to the party.

We have to talk.

You cannot be here.
Go home.

No, I-I will.
I promise. I will.

- Just give me two minutes.
- Hey, is that Swifty?

Leo! Hey.
My man!

You have tripled in size!

Listen to me.
I've turned into that guy.

What happened
to the goatee?

It's gone.
But I did get this.

- Am I still cool?
- For an old guy.

Michael is just
dropping something off.

You want to stay
for dinner?

No, no, no.
There's not enough food.

Well, actually, I'd love to.
I-I skipped lunch.

Well, don't get
too excited.

You know my mom's
idea of cooking

is nuking stuff
from trader Joe's.

That's not true!

I made the salad.

Hey!

I know you're in there.
The doorman told me you were.

He didn't even try to stop me.

He was so nice,

and he treated me
with respect.

Do you even know
what that is...

Respect?

You're drunk, Ivy.

What are you going on about?

No. No, no, no.
I'm not the problem. You are.

You blow so hot and cold,

I don't even know what day
it is anymore.

You are so hideous to me
in rehearsal...

I'm hardly hideous.

You humiliate me...

When you're not
ignoring me!

Half the time,
I feel like I don't even exist

for you in there!

No one does.

I am not kidding.

And this isn't some big,
romantic statement

about who I am as an artist...
It is just a fact.

Don't give me...

Don't give you what...
The truth?

Isn't that
what you came here for?

Look, I am building something
in that rehearsal room,

and with all due respect,
it would be a lot easier

if everyone pretended
just for five minutes

not to have
all those annoying feelings,

because frankly,
they get in my way.

Theater
is about feelings!

You can have feelings.

They just need to be
about Marilyn.

I'm not kidding.

I know you're not.

Are you staying?

Are you asking me to stay?

Come on...

Don't be mad at me.

Come on.

Can I tell you again

how incredible you look
in that dress?

Thanks, babe.
This our table?

Sort of.

R.J.'s assistant made sure
I sit by Jill Abramson.

Which wasn't easy and could
seriously help this guy

land the press secretary job.

She's the executive editor
of the New York Times.

And?

Well, she's got
the mayor's ear.

And?

There are no extra seats
at this table. Sorry.

Where do I go... the kitchen,
the West Side highway?

No, it's...
It's just there.

Table six, by the,
uh, helicopter.

Perfect.

Come on, there must be
some little chiquita

who's after you.

Girls in my school
are lame.

Okay, show's over.
We're done.

And what's this brush
with the law I heard about?

You, uh...
You hitting the old...

- You told him about that?
- I said, "we're done."

You know, your mother and I
used to smoke a little doob

after a tough rehearsal.

- What?
- Michael!

She said she tried it
once at camp.

You are such a liar.

Okay, Leo,
up to your room, now.

Michael, I am calling you
a car again.

I don't know what happened
to the last one.

Stop laughing.

Yes, hi.
It's 428 Carroll, again.

I'm sorry.
I just assumed he knew.

What else does my mom do
after a tough rehearsal?

In bed, now!

Well, it's... it's not
on Broadway yet.

It's a workshop based
on Marilyn Monroe's life.

Are you Marilyn?

Yes, yes.
Yeah, I am.

That's wonderful.

So do they have you
in a little blonde wig

- and a skirt that blows up?
- Okay.

Sorry, but, hey,
you wear a dress like that,

you got to like it
that we look.

That's right.
That's why I wore this...

So that men everywhere
could enjoy looking at me

and think
about having sex with me.

- Was that too direct?

That's pretty direct.

So is the dress, and we
already know you like that.

- I'm seeing the Marilyn.
- You want to see some more?

Maybe I should sing you
Happy Birthday, Mr. President.

Would you like that?

How aboutHappy Birthday,
Mr. Press secretary?

- Press secretary?
- That's right.

You're looking at
the next mayoral press secretary

of New York City.

Really?

So, uh, do you work
for the city?

Well, not this one
right now... D. C.

How did we get back
to politics?

What do you say...

You sing for me
back at my hotel,

and I buy you room service?

What a fantastic offer...

Mr. Denby.

I'll be in touch.

Excuse me.

Who are you?
Sherlock Holmes?

How did you get
all that out of him?

I didn't even have
to try.

- This dress did all the work.
- Well, thank you.

You know,
I'm sorry for everything.

Well, this car
is helping me forgive you.

It sure beats the "C" train.

You can thank R.J.
for this.

- Do we have to?
- Karen.

I am kidding.
I know there's nothing going on.

She just...
She bugs me.

There's so nothing
going on.

- I know.
- What are you doing?

I'm proving that
there's nothing wrong with me

below the neck.

Well, I never
thought there was.

Sorry.

Is there a screen thingamajig
you could put up or something?

- No, sir.
- Okay.

- Yeah, wow.

Wait.
What is your "wow" about?

I guess just that we finally got
together and did it.

Yeah.
That's true.

Wait. Why?
What was your "wow" about?

I mean, the sex was great too.
Don't get me wrong.

Tom, I think
it's safe to say

that what we just had was in
no way anywhere near "wow" sex.

My God. Thank God.
I'm so relieved.

Did you really think that
I thought it was great sex?

It was terrible sex.

It was maybe even
"wow, that was terrible" sex.

Well, I mean,
it wasn't that bad.

I've had worse.

I'm not sure I have.

Okay,
this has got to be us.

It's got to be us.
It's got to... it's got to be us.

Why are you trying so hard
to get rid of me, Jules?

You know
you can't get rid of me.

Michael, look at me.

Gladly.

What?

We both
have families now.

I love mine
more than anything,

and I know
you love yours.

We're not gonna mess that up,
do you hear me?

- I want to be with you.
- God.

♪ I've been so many places
in my life and time ♪

No, no, no, no.

♪ I've sung a lot of songs ♪

♪ and I've made
some bad rhymes ♪

No.

♪ But we're alone now ♪

♪ and I'm singing
this song for you ♪

♪ I want you in a place ♪

♪ where there's
no space or time ♪

♪ I need you in my life ♪

♪ you're a friend of mine ♪

♪ and when my life is over ♪

♪ remember
when we were together ♪

♪ we were alone ♪

♪ and I was singing
this song for you ♪

Go home.

Okay.