Smash (2012–2013): Season 1, Episode 4 - Smash - full transcript

Despite their respective roles in the production, the seeming battle between Ivy and Karen continues into the workshop. Ivy is mad since she wasn't told previously that Karen would be in the ensemble. Ivy, despite or because she knows Karen is talented, does whatever she can to ensure that Karen gets as little work in the background as possible. Karen is mad as she learns that Ivy and Derek are in a sexual relationship, something she knows she could have had with Derek if she wanted, and something she knows got Ivy the part regardless of talent. She is also mad because of the stunts Ivy is pulling to minimize her work. Regardless, Karen is determined to be the best ensemble player ever, without truly understanding what that really means. Karen ultimately gets some unexpected support in making her way through her first ever Broadway musical ensemble. Meanwhile, Derek is throwing a birthday party for former Broadway child actor and now television star Lyle West. The party adds another layer of bad will between Tom and Derek as Tom doesn't like that Derek is taking credit for Lyle, who was really his find. Eileen continues to have problems raising the $200,000 just to fund the workshop. She contemplates selling a cherished and sentimental personal possession, which may be more difficult than she anticipates. However, some creative financing may be just around the corner in Derek's apartment. And the sexual tension continues between Julia and Michael.

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Previously on Smash...

What's this Marilyn thing
I'll keep hearing about?

- Ivy Lynn, Karen Cartwright.
- Classic.

You put in ten years
in the chorus

and Karen-something shows up.

Michael Swift is available
if you're interested

in making him
an offer for DiMaggio.

I had an affair
with Michael Swift.

- It's not going to be cheap.
- What's Jerry's involvement?

Jerry has no involvement.

That was incredible.

Do you think he gave me the part
because I slept with him?

He is a terrible human being!

- Hey.
- Hi.

First day.
I love first days.

Me too.

I am so glad
that you're doing this.

- Me too.
- Exciting, isn't it?

Hi, Linda.
Where am I?

You and Tom are here,
Derek's there.

Good, you put him
at a different table.

Yeah, I've worked
with him before.

Can you put Tom's assistant
at a different table too?

She's the one who almost
took it out from under our Ivy?

Where's the Marilyn in that?
Could she be more midwest?

Actually no, she was
the golden sprout champion

at the Iowa state fair.

- You made that up.
- I didn't.

- She put it on her resume.
- She's coming, she's coming.

Hi, Dennis.

- Yeah, I remember.
- Hi.


So do I put
my stuff down here?

You can put it
anywhere you want.

The maestro arrives.

- Hi, Derek.
- Yeah, hi.


Michael, hi.

Yeah, hi.

- Great to be here.
- Well, we're thrilled.

As you know.

It's gonna be fine.

You don't have
to be nervous, okay?

I'm not.

I mean, we're
both adults right?

I was talking
about the workshop.

- Michael, hi.
- Hey, Tom.

You sound great on the demo
of Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

Yeah, it's great.
He's gonna be so great.

So great.


I think I'm gonna warm up.
Excuse me.

- You okay?
- I'm fine.

- You just seem a little...
- Drop it.

- You know.
- Drop it.

- I just mean...
- Drop it.

- Where's Eileen?
- I have no idea.

- Well, where's the money?
- It's not there.

Well, where'd it go?

We are trying
to figure that out.

You are my lawyer.

It's gotta be somewhere.

Jerry is swanning around town
spending as much money

as he ever did!

Well, his family
owns half of Manhattan.

I know about his family
and their stupid money.

Don't talk
to me about that.

All I need is $200,000,
that's it... $200,000.

Well, you have
access to $8,000.

The rest of it is frozen.

Your husband is...

Very clever.

I know
he's very clever.

I know he's clever.

Okay, everyone, here we go.

Welcome to Marilyn.

- Yeah!
- Bravo!

Okay, settle down, please.
Settle down!

Thank you.

Okay, obviously we're
not gonna have a table read

because the book
is still somewhat in flux.

This'll be primarily
for the ensemble.

We'll put the rest in when
the book is in better shape.

We'll be staging
some of the numbers.

Others will be
at music stands.

We'll have some
costume elements,

a few props
but basically...

It's up to you
to sell it.

Now remember...

This is a workshop.

The road to Broadway
is exceedingly long.


Let's get to it.

- Tom.
- How about a little mambo?

- Why not?
- Grab a chair, grab a stand.


Trying to go to Broadway
without me,

My God.

Good to see you!
When did you get back?

- Last week.
- Everything okay, children?

- You hired Sam.
- I did.

We did Chicago together.
Six years ago?

- Ten.
- No, come on.

Ten years ago, baby.
We were both in the chorus.

And you are Marilyn Monroe...

Yeah, actually
nobody is anybody

until we start rehearsing,

Got it, got it.



Thanks, everybody.
That's a ten.

You have
a really fantastic voice.

- Did you hear her?
- Yeah, she sounds great.

I knew the song from before,
it was my callback piece.

Your callback for what?

- For Marilyn.
- Well, I'm singing it now.

How come nobody told me
she was going to be here?

- Derek didn't tell you?
- No.

I'm so sorry
you missed it.

- Ivy is sublime.
- How's the rest of the cast?

Michael Swift
is gonna be amazing.

I know I had
my reservations

but I could not
have been more wrong.

The ensemble's terrific.

Even Tom had nothing
to complain about.


- Here's to Marilyn.
- She was an interesting woman.

She certainly was.

God, what a life.

Marilyn had money problems.

Yeah, well the studios
never did pay her

what she was worth.

Of course they didn't.


Drinking at the office.

I love this.

Julia, you told me once
that you were

an art history major.


If that were a real Degas,
what would you pay for it?


- It is a real Degas.
- Yeah.

Here's a lesson
they should teach in school

when a girl gets curvy
and the boys all drool

if math and science
just ain't you style

just give that teacher
a wink and a smile

for a passing grade
you won't have to wait

and you can thank him
later when you graduate

'cause I never met a wolf
who didn't love to howl

no, I never met a man
who wasn't on the prowl

shimmy, shimmy,
aah, gimme, gimme

if a nice diploma
you wanna get

Take it down, Karen!

well then make that teacher
the student's pet

yeah, I never met a wolf
who didn't love to howl

I'm sorry,
can we just stop?

I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.

I'm just having
a little trouble hearing myself.

The chorus is very...



Well, not everyone
seems to understand that

that means "as one."

Okay, can
we take our ten now?

Actually, it's lunch.


- Hey.
- Hey.

Everything okay?


Do you know the actor Lyle West?

That kid
from all the TV shows?


I gave him his first job
when he was eight years old.

I made him a star.

Aw, you're so sentimental.

Yeah, well I'm sentimental
enough to throw him

a birthday party
on Saturday night.

Do you want to come?

Well, sure.

I... I'd love to.


Ivy's doing the nasty
with the dark lord,

That's what I said.

Who's the dark lord?

Sauron himself.
Darth Derek.

Look, I better run.
I've got a lunch meeting.

I'm having lunch
with Tom.

Well, ask him
how the new song is coming.

She's sleeping with him?

I don't think they're
getting all that much sleep.

- Just saying'.
- Stop talking about my friend.

Calm down.

Why is he sending
messages through you?

If he wants to know
about the new number

he can just ask me.

I'm sure he will.

I know he's not
your favorite person.

What are you
talking about?

I love him.
What a stellar human being.

A role model for us all.

He better treat you right,
that's all I have to say.

I'm a big girl, Tom.
I can take care of myself.

Listen, I have a question.

And I hope
this is okay.

You're my star,
anything's okay.

How come nobody told me
that Karen Cartwright

was gonna be
in the ensemble?

Actually it was Julia's idea.

She wanted
to give her something.

She did work really hard
on those auditions

and she is impressive.

She completely is.

It just would have helped
to have a heads up.

My fault.

So could you listen
to the wolf number

when we get back to it
after lunch?

She's just...
She's right next to me

and she's just
a little bit loud.

So did you hear
that Lyle West is in town?

Lyle's in town.

God, I haven't
seen him in... forever.

a big birthday party

for him this weekend.

He discovered him, you know.

- He did not say that.
- He did.

He told Ivy
he "discovered" Lyle.

did he plant a flag in the kid?

I think it's so silly
when people take credit

for other people's careers.

That was my show he directed.

And the fact is Derek
didn't discover that kid.

I discovered that kid.
He didn't even want to cast him.

I was the one who said
"we have to cast that kid."

How's the new number coming?

You'll get it
when you get it.

What's she upset
about this time?

Nope, no one's upset.

So I hear Lyle west
is in town.

You having a birthday party
for him?

Both true things.

Do you think maybe
you could invite Tom?

Lyle West is in town.

I'm having a party
on Saturday night.

You like to come?

I think I have plans.

Well, I'm sure
he'd love to see you.

As would I.

You're welcome
of course too, darling.

And when am I gonna get
to see my new scenes?

I'm on my way home
right now to write them.


Derek's having
a big party,

I need some bubble wrap.

- Bubble wrap?
- You've heard of it.

Bubble wrap.

Okay, hold on, hold on.

Okay, new idea.
Karen, step back next to Bobby.

What's wrong?

Let's take it
from the dance break.

Five, six, seven and...


You okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'm just...

Hey, when you do this
in the theater,

are the numbers still there?

Yes, Iowa, the numbers
are still there in the theater.

Okay, I've just
never done this...

We know.

Bobby, Karen?

Come on.

I don't...
What does he mean?

It means we're out
of the number.

Remind me not to stand
next to you anymore.

- What?
- Again!

Five, six, seven, and...

So first she has me
put in the back row.

Then I'm out
of the number altogether.

Dev here.
Yeah, it went great.

A corrections officer got
arrested for a DWI in the Bronx.

The police desk
never even called.

Great, thanks.

Sorry... Ivy has
that kind of power?

She's the star,
plus she's sleeping

with the director.

That apparently comes
with all sorts of perks.

She's sleeping
with the director, wow.

You buried the lead.

It's just depressing
that she's allowed

to do
whatever she wants to me.

Maybe you should
just keep your head down.

I'm an actress.

I'm not supposed
to keep my head down,

I'm supposed
to play to the balcony.

Dev here.

No, no, no, no, Andrew.

I've been on call now
for six days.

- I need a night's sleep.
- I'm going to the gym.

- Hang on.
- I'm okay, I'm okay.

Just... just breathe.

I can't.
Ivy might hear me.

Love you.

No, not you, Andrew.

I thought it was nice
that he invited you.

He invited me
because you told him to.


You love that kid.

I've heard you say
so many times

how proud
you are of Lyle.

How impressive he was
as a little boy.

How long has it been
since you've seen him?

- Six years.
- Go to the party!


- I can't.
- Why?

- I have a date.
- You have a date?

Yes, I have a date.
Saturday night I have a date.

- You do not.
- I do.

With whom?

Someone my mother knows.

He's taking me
to a steak house.

Your mother...

Set you up?

On a date?

No, that sounds like fun.

That sounds like
a really good idea.

You should do that.

You should do that
instead of going

to a really cool party
honoring the kid

you discovered.

Who you've always liked,
who is now a big TV star.

No, seriously.
A steak house?

That sounds like
much more fun.


According to your records,
it was purchased from a dealer

in Paris in 1985,
Francois Melinot.

That's right.

I just spoke
to monsieur Melinot.

The provenance seems
to be accurately recorded.

And the sketch
is charming.

Any number of my clients
would love this.

Degas did many sketches
of the little dancers,

but this one
has extraordinary grace notes.

- How much?
- Heh.

Auctions are
notoriously unreliable,

but an authentic Degas sketch
of this quality, 350.


What if I just wanted
to sell it?

Before we talk details,
I'm a little concerned

about the bill of sale.

It was a gift
from my husband.

A wedding gift
in fact.

But the bill of sale
is in his name, you see.

Unless you have
a letter of transfer?

He didn't want it.
He doesn't even like it.

Nevertheless, he owns it.

Perhaps you could
have him call me

and I could explain
the legalities.

'cause history
is made at night

so close the books,
turn off the light

and listen

let my heart
be the teacher

Okay, hold on.

Hold on.

Just give us a second.

Your boys are hogging
all the melody.

- Hey.
- Hi.


You know, um,
I should really get going.

I still have
a lot of work to do.

I like an audience.

Yeah, well an audience
likes a coherent book.


You sound great.


Let's take it again.

'cause history
is made at night

so close the books,
turn off the light

and listen

let my heart
be the teacher

no one here
to disapprove

as we review the lessons

you've been missing

Okay, guys.

Give a girl a chance.

Yeah, she's right.

There's too much sound
in the mix, Tom.

It's eight voices.

They sound fantastic.

It's just... at least
while I'm learning it.

Sure, sure. Karen, why don't
you sit this one out?

- I can tone it down.
- It's just for now.

We just need to hear
the number without you.

Excuse me.

Let's take it again.

'cause history
is made at night

so close the books,
turn off the light

and listen

no one here
to disapprove

as we review the lessons

How's it going in there?

How do you think
it's going?

It's horrible.


It's horrible.

And you guys
are just horrible too.

Don't say "whoa," it's true.

She's trying to get me fired
and you guys are, like,

"she's a hick,
she's from Iowa."

I am just as good
as any of you guys.

- Shh! They can hear.
- It's true.

I am the same as you.

You were all beginners too.

And I'm good.

I could've done that.

I could've slept with him.

I could've, he...

And I didn't.

And I wouldn't.

And that doesn't make me
stupid or lame

or untalented.

And she shouldn't
be trying to get me fired.

And you should be trying
to help me.

What are we doing?

Jessica had
a mother Theresa,

come-to-Jesus moment.

- We're helping.
- $250?

Flesh tone tights
with fishnet stockings on top

to get some texture.

You wear that
under some loose pants,

some high-top sneakers,
and a sweater

- cut off at the neckline.
- Okay.

You come into rehearsal
with your hair down,

go into the bathroom,
take off your sweats

and your sweater,
put your hair up in a pony tail

and come back in.

So it's like high school,

you try and look
like everyone else.


- Where do you take class?
- What kind of class?

Dance class.

We'll get you into ours,
it's good.

But maybe tonight
we should do an intervention.

Could we?

Divorce is not
the most fun thing

that's ever happened
to me in my life.

I'm trying
to sell this sketch.


Jerry's name
is on the bill of sale.

It's a problem.

- Yes.
- I hate Jerry.

I used to love him.

That sketch looks to me
like our happiness

and I... I don't know
why it still looks that way.

Let's get
you outta here.

Lyle west is in town,
do you know him?

We did Oliver together
when he was 11 years old.

Well, Derek is throwing
him a birthday party.

I don't think
I'm up to it.

Just come
for a little while.

Let me just call

and make sure that Jerry's
not gonna be there.

Lyle was such
a sweet little boy.

"Please, sir, I want some more."

Yeah, well that sweet boy
is now a mega-zillionaire.

don't you know?

His last show
was sold into syndication

for $80 million.

80 million?

It was just in the trades,
just last week.

Derek... oh, good.
I'm glad I caught you.

80 million, mm.

She's too big.

I didn't work my ass off
for ten years

just to be upstaged by somebody
who doesn't even know...

I know, I get it,
I'm just... I'm saying

you didn't have
to pull a diva on her.

I didn't even
pull half a diva.

And trust me,
they never would have cut her

just to make me
feel better.

Ivy, baby, it's not
like I know this chick.

I'm not all worried
about her feelings,

- it's just... oh, no, look at this.
- What?

My Mets, they have,
like, no pitching this season.

- None.
- Well, I'm not apologizing.

Woman, for the last time
I'm not asking you

to apologize,
I'm... oh, my God.

Sam, the Mets
are gonna be fine.

Not "oh, my God,
the poor Mets."

My God,
you look amazing.

- I do?
- You do.

- Really?
- Really.

It's a Zac Posen.

I think it's only
been worn once.

And the zipper
still works and everything.


Hey, love,
you're home late.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hello.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Hi, Bobby.

Dev, nice to meet you.

What the...?



Sorry about this.

Everyone, this
is my boyfriend Dev.

Well done, Iowa.

all here because...

We're doing
an intervention.

Things haven't improved,
I gather.

I'm not gonna lie,
it's a disaster.

This is cute.

I'm not surprised,
not everything lasts

I've broken my heart
so many times

I've stopped
keeping track

I talk myself in,
I talk myself out

I get all worked up
and then I let myself down

I tried so very hard
not to lose it

I came up
with a million excuses

I thought I thought
of every possibility

but somehow I know
that it'll all turn out

and you'll make me work
so we can work to work it out

and I promise you, kid,
that I'll give so much more

than I get

I just haven't
met you yet

they say all's fair

in love and war

but I won't need
to fight it

we'll get it right

and we'll be united

oh, you know
that it'll all tn n out

and you'll make me work
so we can work to work it out

hey, and I promise you, kid,
that I'll give so much more

than I get

I just haven't
met you yet

Thank you.

- You look stunning.
- Your place is beautiful.


Lyle, this is Ivy.

She's playing my Marilyn.

I can immediately see
why they cast you as Marilyn.

That dress is amazing.


This is very precocious
behavior for a 15-year-old.

I'm 12, you jerk.

And precocious would
be showing her the bedrooms.

Would you like
to see the bedrooms?

You're adorable.

She thinks I'm kidding...

I so wish
you didn't think that.

You played beautifully.

I finished
my mba at wharton,

even though I knew
that ultimately the law

was going to be
more compelling to me.


How did you know?

"Applied principles
of macro-dynamics

in developing economies."

I was as bored
as you look right now.


Don't be polite,
it's not necessary.

I'm boring myself, frankly.

I'm a little nervous.

You don't look nervous.

Seriously, I had no intention
of going out on a date

that my mother
set up for me

but then I checked you out
online and I thought... wow.

Yay, mom.

Hi, we're friends
of Derek's.

I know who you are,
Mrs. Rand.

I have something here, I'd
like to put it somewhere safe.

Sure, right this way.

I'll see you inside.

You know, Mrs. Rand,
I'm an actress and a dancer.

Not now, sweetheart.


Julia, hi!

is my friend Cynthia.

People call me "Cyn."

Julia is Tom's
writing partner.

Of course.
I know who you are.

Well, he talks about
you guys all the time.

He's, like, obsessed.

Not obsessed.


I'm surprised
to see you here, Ellis.

Is Tom here?

I haven't seen him.

Excuse me.


- Eileen.
- Hi.

Are you hiding here
all alone on the stairs?

I am.

It's so great that Derek
did this for me but sometimes

parties like this,
I feel like I have to be "on."

Well, you're
a big star now.

You'd think you'd
get used to it.

You'd be wrong.

I was really hoping
to just see my friends.

Well, I think you'll find
you have a lot of those

now that your show's
gone into syndication.

You got that right.

I was reading the trades
and I thought,

"mm, my goodness,
what is Lyle gonna do

with all that cash?"

Well, I'm
all over the map.

My business manager
has me in Sri Lanka's

Colombo stock exchange,
the classic car market.


Now what exactly
is the problem?

I think she's
a wonderful dancer.

Her dancing isn't the problem,
it's actually fierce.

It's not, like,
all trained and perfect.

- But it's watchable.
- Watchable?

I'm watching her
and I usually

like to watch myself
in the mirror.

That's true.

- Ivy's the problem.
- Ivy's fine.

The problem is you,
miss artichoke heart.

Golden sprout champion,
and it was a great day for me

so don't
make fun of it.

Yeah, but you didn't sign up
to be champion this time.

That's Ivy's job.

You signed up
to be her backup singer.

- I'm trying.
- My God.

You are so not trying.


Should we show her
how it's done?

Move this table.
Please, help me.

- I'm getting a show?
- You're getting a lesson.

- This way?
- Yup.

We told you that
we're in the same dance class.

Now watch and learn.

What are we doing?

- Rumour has it.
- Perfect.

Lucky you.

Don't lose focus,
eyes out.

Nobody's bigger than anybody.

Nobody's out of line.

Everybody's in it.

Five, six, seven, eight.

She, she ain't real

she ain't gonna be able
to love you like I will



She is a stranger

you and I have history
or don't you remember?

sure, she's
got it all

but, baby, is that
really what you want

I'm surprised no one's
mentioned art to you.

It's the one investment
that never loses its value.

Art and gold bullion.

You know why?

- The Chinese.
- The Chinese like Degas?

No, the Chinese
like a good investment.

Currencies are failing,
the stock market is a mess.

Art and gold bullion.

Those are your choices.

How much do you need?

- 200,000.
- 200,000... that's all?

Well, for those of us
who aren't in syndication,

that's rather a lot.

I tell you what.

I'll give you 175
for the drawing.

Keep it as collateral
and you give me points.

Why would
I give you the sketch

if I'm giving you points?

If Marilyn flops
I still come out even.

And if it's a success,
then you get your sketch back.

Which you wouldn't
if you just sold it to me.

Little Lyle,
all grown up.

- One point.
- Three.

1 1/2,
and I get the money this week.

How do I know
if the show's any good?

I mean, it's
all in the execution.

That's a fair question.


- Find Tom.
- There you are.

Yeah, and
do me a favor.

Get our DiMaggio
on the phone too.

You want me
to call Michael?


He... he's probably
at home with his family.

I don't want to...

Hold this...


And one, two, three, four.
And five, six, seven, eight.

And one, two... okay.

Too much.
Let me do it next to you.

Five, six, seven, eight.

- And one, two...
- No, no, stop pulling focus.

From the arms... seven, eight.
One, two...

You guys are worse
than the New York press.

One, two, three, four.

And one, two, three, four.

- Hi.
- Hi.

This better be good.

I don't actually
know what it is.

- Hi
- hi.

- John.
- What's going on?

- I... I don't know.
- God, look at you.

You need me?


The reinforcements
have arrived.

I knew they would.
It's showtime.

Today... is my birthday.

I'm so glad
you're all here with me.

Thank you.

Derek Wills and Tom Levitt
cast me my first musical

off-Broadway when
I was just eight years old.

So they were best friends as
well as being the best friends

an eight-year-old wannabe
musical theater star

could hope for.

And so I asked them, as a gift,
to play me a song

from their new musical Marilyn,
and they said yes!

Well, we've, uh,
just started learning

the big USO number where Marilyn
sings to the troops.

That sound like something
you might wanna hear?


It's in G,
very easy changes.

Just... read my mind.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Marilyn herself.

Ivy Lynn.

When you are born
with sex appeal

in the forest
called Hollywood

you'll find more wolves
at your back door

than that
little red riding hood

now she and
her little old grandma

could have learned
from the men I've dated

that a wolf

can be quite

a devotee

once he's domesticated

there's a lesson
they should teach in school

when a girl gets curvy
and the boys all drool

if math and science
just ain't your style

just give that teacher a wink

for a passing grade
you won't have to wait

and you can thank him later
when you graduate

'cause I never met a wolf
who didn't love to howl

no, I never met a man

who wasn't on the prowl

shimmy, shimmy,
aw, gimme, gimme

if a nice diploma
you want to get

well then make that teacher
the student's pet

yeah, I never met a wolf
who didn't love to howl

you never know
where a wolf might crouch

but his natural habitat's
the casting couch

so take lots of pictures
of the wildlife

to tell the wolf
you could share with his wife

the hunter gets
captured by the game

then Leo the lion
will be roaring your name!

yeah, I never met a wolf
who didn't love to howl

no, I never met a man
who wasn't on the prowl

shimmy, shimmy,
aw, gimme, gimme

if your face and figure
are whistle-bait

honey, you'll have the keys
to the studio gate!

yeah, I never met a wolf
who didn't love to howl

the three little piggies
sure had it wrong

when the wolf came a-knockin'
in that old song

if he's huffin'
and puffin' and saying'

"Marilyn, I gotcha"

I said, "come on in,"
and I put on Sinatra

oh, Frankie!

a wealthy wolf
likes to buy his toys

but he really
is just one of the boys

if you've got something
for which he's craving

it sure is good
that he's been saving

be a fan,
give his cheek a peck

but get his autograph
on a cashier's check!

yeah, I never met a wolf
who didn't love to howl

no, I never met a man
who wasn't on the prowl

shimmy, shimmy,
aw, gimme, gimme

this wolf looks like
he's ready to dine

tell me where can I sign
on the dotted line?

yeah, I never met a wolf
who didn't love to howl!

oh, yeah!

You are thrilling.


Thank you.

Are you still interested
in showing me those bedrooms?


And this is the third bedroom.

This is even nicer...

Eileen, hi.

I-I'm so sorry.

There's no need
to apologize.

I was just looking
at past happiness.

But you're
my happiness now.

You were wonderful.

Thank you.

I'll be by your office
on Monday, Eileen.

That was so much fun.

I gotta go.

She rocked it, didn't she?


Good night.

That was...


As impressive
as the TV star?

Is there
a TV star here?

I'm too dazzled
by the piano player to notice.

Yay, mom.

Yeah, yeah, no...
Apart from the, uh, explosion

at the Sewage Center
in Queens,

it was an utterly,
wonderfully uneventful weekend.

Is he always
on the phone?

He was in charge of
the press office all weekend.

He's important
and good-looking.

- Stop.
- I've gotta go.

- I'll take care of these.
- I like him.

- Sweet.
- Thank you.


- Gosh, I hate shots.
- Cheers.

Bottoms up.

Come on, Iowa, let's show 'em
what the chorus looks like.

- You ready?
- Okay.

- You ready for this?
- We can do this.

- I can do this.
- Come on.

Hang on.
Where are you going?

Don't bother.

I saw you, Derek.

- Saw me what?
- That woman.

I saw you.
Everybody saw you.

Saw me what, flirting?

- Your hand was on her ass.
- Ivy.

Everyone at this party
is a potential investor, okay?

So, yeah, I am gonna flirt,
and I'm gonna put my hand

on the asses
of pretty women

if it makes them
feel that our show

is the one they want
to throw millions of dollars at.

It's meaningless.

How come you didn't
tell me you cast Karen?

She didn't get the part.

You did.

They loved you tonight.

This is who you are now.

Get used to it.

This show means
everything to me.

- I just want to feel safe.
- Then go back to the chorus.

There's nothing safe
about being a star.

You know, the bedrooms here
really are incredible.

Perhaps you should show them
to me then.

Five, six, seven, eight.

She, she ain't real

she ain't gonna be able
to love you like I will

she is a stranger

you and I have history
or don't you remember?

sure, she's
got it all

but, baby, is that really
what you want?

bless your soul, you've got
your head in the clouds

she made a fool
out of you

and, boy,
she's bringing you down

she made
your heart melt

but she's cold
to the core

now rumour has it she
ain't got your love anymore

rumour has it, ooh

rumour has it, ooh,
rumour has it, ooh

rumour has it, ooh

rumour has it, ooh,
rumour has it, ooh

rumour has it, ooh,
rumour has it, ooh

all of these words

whispered in my ear

tell a story that

I cannot bear to hear

just 'cause I said it

don't mean
that I meant it

people say crazy things

just 'cause I said it

don't mean
that I meant it

just 'cause you heard it

rumour has it

rumour has it,
rumour has it

rumour has it

come on now!

rumour has it

he's the one
I'm leaving you for

That was great!...