Smash (2012–2013): Season 1, Episode 12 - Smash - full transcript

As Rebecca immerses herself further into the project, she demands change after change to turn it more into a play and less as a musical to work toward her own strengths, or more precisely to steer away from her weakness as a singer. Rebecca also befriends Karen, who, to the media, becomes Rebecca's new BFF to the point of speculation that they are lovers. Regardless, Karen welcomes her new friend, being able to bask in the media limelight for whatever reason and enjoy the trappings associated with being with a movie star. However, the "forever" part of BFF might not fit into Rebecca's grand plan. Unknown to Rebecca, there are others behind the scenes that are maneuvering for Ivy to emerge the star despite Derek's seeming obsession with Karen in the role. Rebecca and Karen's friendship also has an effect on Karen and Dev's relationship. Meanwhile, Eileen gets a head's up from Ellis that Jerry will be attending the same social function as her. Rather than it be an awkward situation, she believes she can take advantage of it by bringing Nick to the event with her to show Jerry that she has moved on with her life. And Julia and Frank go into a panic when they discover that Leo has run away. Julia believes that Mason, who feigns not knowing where Leo is, is not telling the whole truth.

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it - foodval.com
---
- I'm trying to think like Marilyn,

and you're not exactly helping.

- I'm her boyfriend.

- Yeah, well I'm her director
so keep your hands to yourself.

Unh!

- ? Tomatoes like her,
well, they're easy to find ?

- [Giggles]

- You're crazy about that dancer.

- I heard there's a press
opening at the white house.

I can get you an interview.

- I think you'll want to hear this.



- How dare you go delving into

the personal lives of my friends.

- Hello?
Am I in the right place?

- Oh.

You really bumped it up a notch,
didn't you?

- What are you talking about?

- Aw, she dressed up for the movie star.

- No, I didn't.

- Oh, my God,
you're wearing lipstick and everything.

- It's lip gloss, whatever.

Fine, I'm excited.
I'm Rebecca Duvall's understudy.

- Yes.
- Yeah, you are.

- Oh, the first time I saw
a Rebecca Duvall movie

was when my babysitter
took me out of soccer



to go see the disembodied.

She was amazing--
I was scarred for life.

- What were you, like, 13?
- Try ten.

Yeah, um, isn't she a little old
to be playing Marilyn?

- No, she's perfect.

- Yeah but wasn't Marilyn,
like, 36 when she died?

- Yes, and Rebecca is 36...ish.

- "Ish" being the operative word.

- Ooh, girl,
oh, no she didn't.

Oh, prrt!

- Please don't ever do that again.

- [Chuckles]
- Seriously.

- You're right.
- Okay, ha-ha-ha!

You guys have been
flirting your asses off

for the last week--
so would you mind, please,

just to go out on a real date.

Preferably one where I'm not there.

Both: We're just talking.

- Hi, yes, I'd like
to make a reservation for two.

Tomorrow night at 7:00.

Yes, under Tom Levitt.

"L" as in lovebirds.
- [Laughs]

- E-V-I-T-T.
Thank you.

Do it.

- [Laughs]
Well, you should try

the original one in Cobble Hill,
it's not as scene-y.

- Well if you're there, darling,
I'm guessing there's a scene.

- No, no, last time I went
they made me wait

a half an hour for a table.

- Well, I admire your patience.
I never wait for tables.

- All right, everyone!

The other day you had a chance to meet

the incomparable Rebecca Duvall.

Give her a proper "Marilyn" welcome.

Today we all dive into the work.

Now Rebecca's gonna
jump in with a bit of

Let me be your star,

and we'll take her through
the choreography, okay?

Rebecca, would you like
to warm up with Larry

before we start?

- Nope, I'm good.

- All righty then.

[Piano playing
Let me be your star]

♪ ♪

- [Singing weakly]
? Fade in on a girl ?

♪ with a hunger for fame ♪

♪ and a face and a name ♪

♪ to remember ♪

♪ The past fades away ♪

♪ because as of today ♪

♪ Norma Jean's gone ♪

♪ she's moving on ♪

♪ Her smile ♪

♪ and your fantasies ♪

♪ Play a duet ♪

♪ That will make you forget ♪

♪ Where you are ♪

- Yeah, okay, then.

Nice.
- [Laughs]

- I think we should start
looking at the blocking.

Josh, you want to set that up?

Right, thanks, Rebecca.
- Oh, thanks.

It's okay?
- Yup.

- Like it?
- Great.

- Yup.
- It was good?

- Great.
- Yup.

- I'm so excited.

- Great.
- Yup.

What are we gonna do?

- She's not bad. She's just...

What's the word?
- Bad?

- She's got the beat, she's on key.

She's just--
- Loud.

- That's the word.

- If she didn't sing so loudly,
what would it be?

- I don't have time for this.
They said she could sing.

Her Agent, her manager.
Everyone said she could sing.

- Yeah, well that should have
been the tip-off right there.

- Didn't you see Rebecca Duvall
sing on Saturday night live?

One of you said she was "awesome."

- Wasn't me.
- Wasn't me.

- I think it was me.

I think I said
she was utterly charismatic.

Which of course she is.

Listen, Rebecca Duvall is never
gonna be an opera singer.

But she's gonna be great.

She's gonna tear up the scenery,
she's gonna fill the seats.

What we need to do

is to find a constructive solution.

- Group suicide?
- [Guffaws]

- Okay, um, we'll
use the "shadow selves."

Give them some songs.

The Cartwright girl, maybe.

Or we bring back Ivy.

Put her in the mix.

- Ivy?
- Oh, come on.

Okay, so she screwed up royally
at heaven on earth.

But don't you think
she's been crucified enough

for that already?
Seriously.

What, you're gonna
consign her to cruise ships

for the rest of her life?
She's bloody talented.

- I don't know.
- Guys, she's had a rough patch.

But she's fine.

And be honest, we need her.

Look, we all hope
Rebecca Duvall can do this,

but God forbid she can't,
and the Cartwright girl

is still too green
and we all know that.

We need Ivy back in the show.

- Those shadow selves
were supposed to be whispers.

Whispers in Marilyn's mind,
not songs.

Whispers!

This is just an excuse
to bring Ivy back.

- Hey, we love Ivy.
- [Sighs]

- If we're gonna
have two more Marilyn's,

one of them might as well be her.

- The real Marilyn
has to be able to sing.

- [Inhales] Take a breath,
we will figure something out.

- Okay, you can't
just stand there and act

you weren't freaking out about
this whole thing this morning.

- I was, wasn't I?

But now I'm clearheaded and optimistic.

And it's your turn to freak out.

- You're just in a good mood
'cause you have a date

with your chorus crush.

Thanks to me.

Me, me, me.

[Cell phone rings]

Oh, hey, maybe that's Derek
with some more bright ideas.

Leo's school?

Hello?

- Hey.

- I just saw Rebecca on the elevator,

and she said she thought
my shoes were cute.

- I still haven't worked up
the courage to meet her.

- You have the perfect in.
You're her understudy.

Oh, my God.
- Hi!

- Hello, beautiful.
- Where you been all my life?

- Oh, thank you.
So what'd I miss?

- I got a new cell phone
and some hack stole your part.

Other than that, absolutely nothing.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- What's she doing back here?

- Can't say I'm surprised,
given who she's sleeping with.

- Hi, guys.

Hi.
[Giggles]

- What does this mean for me?

- I'm not gonna lie,
it's not good.

"Smash: S01E11" "The Movie Star"
Original air date 16 April, 2012

♪ Called Monroe ♪

- ? Monroe ?
- Mm-hm.

Both: ? Which basically told the enemy ?

♪ Where to go ♪

- Yes.

Both: ? It was created to nurture ?

- ? and protect ?

- ? It was created
to nurture and protect ?

- [Whispering]
Do you hear that?

- [Whispering] What?

- That is the sound
of 1,000 ticketholders

demanding their money back.

- She's not that bad.

- ? But is it a fact? ?

- Don't tell me you're not
thinking what I'm thinking.

- I'm thinking she's beautiful and famous

and I wish I had her life.

- And you're counting
the minutes until she implodes

and that part is yours.

If you're not, you're in
the wrong business, understudy.

Both: ? Deep ?

- Okay.

- That was gorgeous.
- Oh, thanks.

- It's great.

- Karen, can I talk
to you for a moment, please?

- Sure.

- Everything okay?

- Why, did I do something wrong?

- No, no, sorry.

I'm just letting you know
I won't be needing you anymore,

obviously.

For Marilyn, I mean.

- You won't be needing me?

I wouldn't be so sure of that.

- No, I mean, Rebecca's gonna
be needing all my attention.

- And I'm just the understudy.
I get it.

Don't worry, Derek.

I'm not going anywhere.

[Playing our day will come]

♪ Our day will come ♪

♪ and we'll have everything ♪

♪ We'll share the joy ♪

♪ falling in love can bring ♪

♪ No one can tell me ♪

♪ that I'm too young to know ♪

- ? Young to know ?

- ? I love you so ?

♪ and you love me ♪

♪ Our day will come ♪

♪ if we just wait a while ♪

♪ No tears for us ♪

♪ think love and wear a smile ♪

♪ Our dreams have magic ♪

♪ because we'll always stay ♪

♪ in love this way ♪

♪ Our day will come ♪

- ? Our day will come ?

- ? Our day will come ?

- ? Our day will come ?

- ? Our day will come ?

- And that's lunch.

- Is that it?

- Uh, yeah.
Uh, yeah.

Thank you.

[Cell phone rings]

- Hey, I'm so glad I got you.

Where are you?

I called the office,
they said to try your cell.

- Oh, I'm covering an event.
Yeah, I'd better run actually.

- Okay.

Any word on the press secretary job?

- Sorry, hon, I really need to go.

- Sure.
- Talk later.

- Love you.

[Soft lounge music]

♪ ♪

- Thank you for meeting me.
I really appreciate it.

- What's going on with Leo?

- Well, he's flunking
two classes, apparently.

Calculus and American history.

Here's a kid who never
got less than a "B" plus.

- You think I don't know that?

- I wasn't saying that.

- Who do you think
was home with him every day

after school?

- Can we just table
the "us" part of this?

I know you're angry,
and you have every right to be.

But this is about Leo.
- It's all connected, Julia.

Do you think it's a coincidence

that he's suddenly
checked out of school?

- No, of course it isn't.
It's my fault.

It's my fault.
It's all my fault.

But we've gotta deal with this
before we sit down

with the guidance counselor
on Thursday.

- You lied to me,
and betrayed our marriage.

And then you did it again
five years later.

I have nothing to say.

- [Laughs]
Thanks so much.

- Okay, sorry,
um, I just...

- Derek, um, I just
had a few thoughts

I'd love to run by you.

Is this a bad time
for a quick pow-wow?

- No, it's a perfect time.
- Great.

- He used to lay into you
for raising the wrong eyebrow.

- That's because he knew
I'd get it right eventually.

With her, what's the point?

- This ain't over, you mark my words.

You know who's going to wind up
playing Marilyn, don't you?

- Gwyneth paltrow?
[Scoffs]

- So...Marilyn Monroe,
she was part of the, you know,

the actor's studio.
- Mm-hm.

- We should see it.
The classes, the characters.

- Okay, the problem with that
is that in this scene

we just don't really have enough
time to get into all of that.

- But that's exactly my point.

There really isn't time
in any of the scenes

to dig into her psyche.

They're too short.

I mean, personally,
I'd rather see longer scenes

and a little less
singing and dancing.

- Heh, well,
it is a musical after all.

- Yeah, but it doesn't mean
it can't be deep and smart.

I mean, and that song, it's boring.

I mean, it should be more fun.

- Okay, you know what?

Um, this sounds like
a longer conversation.

- Wha...Uh...

I'm driving you crazy, aren't I?

- No, not at all.
- Yes, yes, I am, I know.

I'm such a pain in the ass.

[Cars honking]

- Boring!
She thinks my music is boring.

- It might be a little less boring

if she could actually sing it on key.

- "More fun."

What blindingly insightful criticism.

"More fun."
- [Laughs]

I don't give a damn if it's fun or not,

if she could just learn it.

That would actually be more fun for me

if she would learn the song!

- Hey, where did Julia say
this restaurant was again?

- You know, I'm too wound up to eat.

When I get like this
my stomach just shuts down.

- Yeah, okay.

I'm not that hungry either.

- So what do you wanna do?

[Soft music playing]

- Into the woods.

- Hmm, mm-hm.

For me, it's the frogs.

But I'm weird.
- [Chuckles]

- Mmm.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

- Wait?
- Just moving a little fast.

- Fast?

- I'm kind of old-fashioned,
okay?

- Really?

- Yeah.

Like, um, I go to church
and believe in God and stuff.

So I kind of think of this as holy.

- Wait a minute.

Sex is holy?
- Yeah.

Yeah, man, I think that.

- Are you a republican too?

'Cause I dated one of them
and it didn't work out so well.

- Republicans don't own God,
you know that.

- Do I?

- Look, I like you.

I just wanna slow things down.
Hang out outside of rehearsal.

Do things.

- Go to a Knicks game?

- That idea strikes you as crazy?

- Mm.

- Okay.
- No, no, come on.

No, this is just unusual.
You have to admit it.

- How old are you?

- 37...ish.

- And what's your
longest relationship?

- Um...

- Five years....

Months.

- Okay.

Okay, I know you, you know.

You meet somebody,
you jump right into something

and then you start
looking for reasons to bail.

Am I right?

Trust me.

My way is better.

[Door closes]

- [Voicemail]
Yeah, Eileen, it's Mark at CAA.

Sorry we keep missing each other.

I trust you're enjoying
the fabulous Rebecca Duvall.

- You said she could sing, Mark.

[Voicemail beeping]

- Hi, Eileen, it's Nick.

You remember me--tall,
dark and extremely handsome.

Just, uh, wanna say hi.

So call me the old-fashioned way.

[Voicemail beeping]

- Eileen.

Ellis.

I thought you'd left already.

- I was about to.

I just wanted to make sure
that you got this latest email

about Rebecca's issues.

- There are more?

- "No one is allowed to smoke within

"100 feet of her.

"We must provide a blender

"for her daily
kale-and-flaxseed smoothies.

She's allergic to peanuts--"

- Yeah, okay, I'll deal with it tomorrow.

- Uh, actually there's something else.

She sent me out for gum earlier
while her assistants

were just sitting around
reading US weekly.

I think they think I work for them.

- Ellis, lesson number one.

Keep your enemies close,
and celebrities even closer.

And their assistants closer yet.

There's power in proximity
as I think you already know.

- Fair enough.

Was there something
you needed from my desk?

- No.

Good night.

All right, Nick.

Let's see what's wrong with you?

Great, another crook.

- So in my experience,
when a kid like Leo,

who is normally engaged and motivated,

suddenly checks out,

there's usually something going on at home

that might be a contributing factor.

- Well, actually--
- No, no, he's been fine.

A little moody,
but aren't all 17-year-olds?

- True, but they're not all
suddenly failing classes

they once excelled in.

So there's nothing going on
that we should know about?

Death in the family?
Illness?

Financial strain?
- Nope.

- Okay.

Then in that case--
- Stop lying.

We've been living apart
for a few weeks now.

I was unfaithful so Frank moved out.

Yeah.

I had an affair, which was
totally and completely wrong

on every level.

And Leo found out about it.

Before Frank did, actually.

But then Frank found out about it.

And then things with Leo got worse.

But then better.

But then worse again, obviously,
if he's flunking out of school.

So I pretty much ruined everything

and now here we are.

Did I leave anything out?

- Next.

- [Imitating Marilyn]
I'm Marilyn Monroe.

And I...

I'm so thankful to be here.

- How can you be thankful
before you know

if I can teach you anything?

- [Giggles]

I don't know.

- Feeling.
What do yfeel?

- Heh...

I'm pretty nervous,
I guess.

I want you to like me so much.

And I'm afraid I'm not
gonna be any good at this.

And I really want to be good.

[Piano playing]

♪ ♪

You see? This is exactly
what I'm talking about.

This scene, it's just getting started

when suddenly I...
? Break into song ?

- You know what?

Uh, this sounds like
a sidebar conversation.

- I didn't want to interrupt
the rehearsal, the--

- Not to worry.

I think everyone could
probably do with a break.

- Okay, that's ten.

- Oh, um, don't forget.

There's a private screening
of my new movie,

Casual Friday 2, tonight
at the Bryant park hotel.

Passes are by the door.

[Talking amongst themselves]

- Hey.

Um, I actually have some time
to get together tonight.

- Is that so?

- Yeah, I know you've seen
Rebecca's movie 100 times.

But you know, I thought
we could catch a screening,

maybe get a bite after?

- Uh, I've seen it 200 times.
- [Chuckles]

- What the hell, Rebecca.
You never called me back.

- I'm working, Colin!

- Sorry, this is a closed rehearsal.

- Randall, he's drunk.
Make him go.

- Hey, come on, let's go.
- I wanna talk to you!

- Just get out of here, Colin!

- Either you leave, my friend,
or I'm going to have to

temporarily blind you.

- This is crazy.

- Get out!

No, I'm not aware of any ruckus
at the rehearsal today.

That is, of course, aside
from the roof being raised

by the musical stylings
of Houston and Levitt.

Uh-huh.

Good, bye-bye.

- Was that page six?

- No, actually it was
the New York Times.

Even they have gotten
into the gossip biz.

- So her singing
is a train wreck,

and so is her personal life.

We're doubly blessed.
- [Chuckles]

- Rebecca Duvall did not get
to the top of the A-list

by being simple or by having
healthy romantic relationships.

Neither did Marilyn.

She's still Rebecca Duvall.

And if she wants you
to write an extra-long scene

before dig deep, you will
write that extra-long scene

and you will have it
on my desk by 5:00, understood?

- Marilyn.

You can't stay away, can you?

- What are you doing in Dev's office?

- Uh, you mean my office.

Yeah, I did a little re-org
when I became press secretary.

- You're press-secretary?
- Damn straight.

Doesn't your boyfriend tell you anything?

- I didn't say I loved it,
I said I couldn't put it down.

- Well, I'm sorry but
that is a friendship-ender.

- That is so unfair,
you didn't even finish the book.

- Because it was so bad.

- What!!

Both: [Giggling]

- Hey, Karen.

What are you doing here?

- What are you doing here?

When were you going to tell me

that that Weasel got press-secretary?

- Eventually.
- Eventually? When?

- Well, I don't know,
you've been pretty wrapped up

in the show lately--
and Rebecca Duvall and all that.

- So it's my fault
you don't talk to me anymore?

Looks like you're talking to her plenty.

- Whoa, it's not exactly like we've been

on the same page lately.

- How can we be on the same page
when you're not even

telling me what page you're on?

I mean, how long ago
did this thing happen?

Is there anything else
I should know about?

- You seem to be more upset
about not knowing

than the actual news.

You know how badly
I wanted this job.

- I'm so sorry.

You're right.

Hey, there's a special screening tonight

of Rebecca's new movie.

I think that might
help take your mind off things?

- Uh, no, no, thanks.
- Oh, come on.

It's the sequel to Casual Fridays.

You loved the first one.

We haven't laughed together
in a long time.

Think about it, please?

- Sure.

- Hey, Nick.

[Sighs]
Yes, it's Eileen.

I'm sorry it's taken so long
for me to get back to you but...

the thing is, I'm very busy
and I just can't be distracted

from the show right now.

- Wait--aagh!

Wait a second.

Are you breaking up with me
after one kiss?

What, my breath that bad?

- Oh, hi, Nick.

Well, um, it's just that
I realized how unrealistic it is

for me to get involved
with anyone right now

when I'm so busy.

- Whatever you're
about to say, Ms. busy,

I think I deserve to hear it in person.

Don't you?
- Okay.

How about tonight?

- That sounds perfect.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Eileen?
- Hi!

- Uh...
[Slams door]

- Sorry to pop in on you like this

but I just wanna say thanks
for another great day.

I'm having so much fun.
- Oh, good.

Well, I was actually
just about to call you

to find out if you're okay.

Your unexpected friend?

- Oh, Colin?
[Laughs]

Oh, he's harmless, just annoying.

- Oh, good, because
I've had more than my share

of troublesome men in my life.

- No, I can handle him.

He does this about
every four months.

Anyway, the real reason I came by

is to talk about the scene.

I just got the pages from Julia.

It's inspired.

She's such a talent.

- Mm, I agree.

- In fact, it gave me
so many other ideas

on how to deepen the rest of the show.

- Oh.

- I'd love to get everyone
together for a pow-wow.

I'm supposed to be
at this screening tonight,

but I can blow it off.

Frankly, this project is
so much more important to me.

- Well, good. I'll rally the troops.

- So good.
[Chuckles]

See you tonight.
- Bye.

[Door closes]

[Sighs]

Derek?

It seems our movie star
has requested

yet another work session--
buckle up.

- Welcome.

- Thank You.
Thanks you for hosting.

- Well, on the plus side,
at least we didn't have to

sit through her movie.

- I was excited about the movie.

- Me too.
- Me too.

I was.
I loved the first one.

Guys, I think she's a great actress.

She just can't sing.

- Which may no longer be an issue

considering I'm writing
a four-hour drama.

- Well, I've already decided
if she asks to expand

on other scenes,
we're gonna say no.

- What?
- Huh?

- Well, you've already written
a marvelous musical

and I want to keep it that way.

- Hallelujah.

- I heard she wants
all new musical numbers.

- Yeah, and I heard
she wants them all axed.

- So if they're axing
her musical numbers,

what happens to us?

- Guys, can you please stop
spreading bad information?

You're gonna start a panic.

- Panic about what?

- See? Look what you've done already.

Relax, they're just stirring the pot.

Everything's going to be fine.

- See you all in there.

- Yeah, I'm gonna go grab some seats.

Want me to save you one?
- No, I'm waiting for Dev.

- Oh, so I finally get
to meet the famous boyfriend.

- That's right,
you've never met Dev.

- Nope.
- He's great.

- Little bit of a temper?
- Mm, you heard about that.

- Sounded like an interesting night.

- It was all a misunderstanding.

- Oh, I know I know,
I completely know.

- Gee, I hope he makes it in time.

Looks like they're about to start.

- Hey, Ellis, everything okay?

- Yeah, what's the address?

Uh-huh.
Oh, hold on.

I got another call.

Hey, Cyn.
Sorry about tonight.

I just--I gotta suck up
to that loser again.

Cyn? Hello?

- Uh, it's not Cyn.

It's just that "loser."

Don't bother coming.

[Intense action music]

[Car tires squealing]

- [Chuckles]

Are you as bored as I am in there?

- No, it's funny.
I'm just distracted.

- Don't lie, she's annoying.

She stole our part.
We hate her.

- [Chuckles]

- Come on,
we're getting a drink.

- Ugh!

- Ugh! How much longer is she
gonna keep us waiting?

This is ridiculous.

So you never told me,
how was your date with Sam?

- He believes in God.

- Oh. I'm sorry.

- A lot of people
believe in God, Julia.

- You don't have to tell me.
I believe in God.

- You do?

- Tom, a lot of people
believe in God.

- I know.

I just--it's just
not something I talk about.

- He got you talking about God.

Good for him.

- Oh, he called me out
on all of my stuff.

- Mm?

- Said I was afraid of intimacy.

Afraid of commitment.

I'm paraphrasing.

And that's why
I'm still alone at my age.

- I've said that to you
every day since I met you.

- Please don't
make this about yourself.

- [Laughs]

- I know, I'm sorry,
I'm so sorry.

- I got hung up on this phone call

with this charter school
in Harlem and I'm on the board--

- It's okay.

- Anyway, a thousand apologies.
- Rebecca, hi.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- What'd I miss?

- Uh, well, we really
appreciate hearing your thoughts

about wanting to roll back
on the songs.

- Right.

- But, um, moving forward--

- You wanna keep the music
numbers in their entirety.

Right?

- Mm-hm.
- Fine.

I get it.
It's a musical.

People want to hear
a bunch of songs.

- Okay, great.

Um, which brings us
to the songs themselves.

Um, we really do appreciate
your thoughts about the songs--

- Guys, if we're
gonna work together,

you can't be so afraid
to tell me the truth.

- Trust me, I wanna be
as good out there

as you want me to be.

So let's get down to work.

Right off the bat,
I suggest that you lower the key

in all the songs.

Giving me more vocal support
and cutting back on the solos.

And Tom, look, I know you don't
want to touch dig deep,

but I just can't handle
that kind of ballad.

- Understood.

- Thank you.

And I was thinking
about hiring a vocal coach.

Is that a good idea?
All: Yes.

- I could do let's be bad
in my sleep.

And Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

- Know 'em both.

- History?
- Know it.

- Wolf?

- Heart, Mambo, plus
I know all the new scenes

backwards and forwards.
- Uh, please.

I'm sleeping with the director.

I basically blocked the whole show.

- Well, I'm still the understudy
last time I checked.

- Honey, when Rebecca Duvall
goes down,

everything's up for grabs.

- You're gonna
have to pry that part

out of my cold, dead hands.
[Glasses clinking]

- Mm. Really?

Well, I have one word for you...
"Unstable."

- [Laughs] Please.
Who isn't around here?

[Laughter]

So what happened to Mr. perfect?

- I never said he was perfect.

He's actually having
a lot of trouble at work,

so he's really down.

- So what are you doing here with me?

He's probably letting somebody else

cheer him up right now.

And she's probably really hot.

[Chuckles]

- Ugh, that isn't funny.

- Oh, that struck a nerve.
Trouble in paradise?

- Ugh, why do I even talk to you?

You make me feel bad.
I'm leaving.

- I'm just kidding.

Well, now I feel bad.

Hey, I'll get this.
- No, you won't.

- You need to have
a thicker skin, Iowa.

- I told you
I finished my homework.

What do you wanna do,
look it over and sign it

like we did
in the fifth grade?

- If necessary,
because what we have here

is completely unacceptable.

- Are you talking to me or to her?

- You're 17 years old now,
it's time you stop mouthing off

and blaming everyone else
for your problems.

- Um, in case you haven't noticed,

this has kind of been
a tough time for me!

- I don't care!

And none of those colleges
are going to care.

- Whoa.
- This is his junior year.

Everything counts.
- Counts for what?

What's the point?

So I can get into a good college
and meet someone nice

and get married and have a kid

and have it all blow up in my face?

- Hey, dial it down, both of you.

Now.

Look...

This is a lousy time.

And you didn't cause it.

We all know that.

But not matter what's
going on with us,

you have to take care of yourself.

And your future.

I'm serious, Leo.

We don't want you
to do something stupid

because I did something stupid.

We want to help you through this.

- If I get a "B" on my calculus exam...

Do I get to meet Rebecca Duvall?

- "B" plus and we'll talk.

- Babe?
Hello?

Babe?

[Upbeat lounge music]

- [Giggles]

Thank you.

So I need to tell you
my life story.

- Okay.

[Indistinct conversation]

- Listen, I am going to cut to
the chase, Nick.

I've heard that you have
some skeletons in your closet.

Now I'm not here to judge,
but I want you to know

I've had more than my share
of drama with unreliable men.

- Are you referring
to the business arrangement

I have with the Reggione family?

- Why, is there something more?

- Well, you also be talking about

the illegal Dominican guys
who did dishes at the bar.

- Well, is that all?

- No, there's quite
a bit more, in fact.

Look, Eileen...

You run a bar in the city

you're gonna get your hands dirty.

But if you're looking
for a way out of this with me,

you're don't have to hire a Detective.

Just tell me you're not interested.

- I'm not looking for a way out.

It's just...

I've been through a lot.

- Okay.

So now we're
getting somewhere.

- And I'm out of practice.

- You can take this
as slow as you want.

- You're the one
who's always rushing around.

- I'm just such a...

- Busy lady.
- Busy lady.

- Yeah.

- Randall, hey.

Uh, can I just say one thing?
- Save it, Ellis.

You know, I thought
we kind of connected

a few weeks ago, but I get it now.

You were just using me
to get to Rebecca.

And I hate users.

- Hey, Ellis,
how's it going in there?

- I don't know, actually.

They said it's a closed set.
No exceptions, quote unquote.

- Oh, well screw that., quote unquote.

It's been three days.

I'm producing this thing,
I'm going in.

♪ ♪

- All right, everyone!
[Claps]

Very nice.

Eileen, perfect timing.

We have a lot to show you.

- Wonderful.

- Okay, ladies and gentlemen,

let's take it from the top, please.

Rebecca, you ready?

- You better believe it.

- The challenge for the act
is to use sense memory

of childhood trauma.

All: ? Aaah, use the past ?

- The actor must deploy the conscious

and dig in to the unconscious.

All: ? Use your pain ?

- The challenge for the actor
is to learn to be private.

All: ? Let Stanislavsky
be your umbrella ?

- ? Mumble your words! ?

All: ? Unless they're-- ?
- ? Stella! ?

All: ? Use justification, improvisation ?

♪ Plus some emotional masturbation ♪

- ? Visitor from the Western coast! ?

All: ? Can you dig it? ?

- I dig it the most.

I'm through with Hollywood.

It's New York and
the actor's studio for me.

And if any of those boys
from Hollywood come a'calling,

you can tell them I said this...

♪ In history there's
this doctrine called Monroe ♪

♪ which basically
told the enemy where to go ♪

♪ It was created to nurture and protect ♪

♪ But now a new Monroe doctrine
is in effect ♪

♪ So go tell Mr. Zanuck
to read it and weep ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm not just here today ♪

♪ I'm here to dig deep ♪

♪ From the 20th century
Foxholes I'm released ♪

All: ? Sha-doo-ba-da-dweed-op
ba-doodyla-doo-wop ?

- ? And just like the sun,
I'm rising in the east ?

All: ? Sha-doo-bah-dweel
lyah-doo-bah-shoob-doo-bop! ?

- ? I made a move
from that permanent ?

♪ state of sadness ♪

♪ To prove there's
a method to my madness ♪

♪ I'm waking up from
that 20th century sleep ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I'm not just here today ♪

All: ? Whoo! ?

- ? I'm here to dig deep ?

All: ? Well there ain't no
sin to remove your skin ?

- ? And to take
a look under the hood ?

All: ? Mm-hmm ?

- ? Well you must dispel
the outer shell ?

♪ Though you have to admit
my shell looks good ♪

- ? You're tearing me apart! ?

- ? I'll finally get
to use my mind's interior ?

♪ And not only just my bust
and my posterior ♪

♪ 'Cause the true inner self
you can't avoid ♪

All: ? And we're just nuts
about Sigmund Freud ?

♪ So open up my id
for a good clean sweep ♪

- ? 'Cause I'm not
just here to dig ?

♪ No, I'm not
just here to dig ♪

♪ Oh, I'm not
just here to dig ♪

♪ I'm here to dig deep ♪

All: ? Motivation,
concentration, exploration ?

- ? Deep ?

♪ So deep ♪
All: ♪ Yeah! ♪

[Applause]

- I'm a believer.

- Yeah, now we're
getting somewhere.

Might just make it to Boston.

- Now that's a movie star.

- Not bad, right?
- It was great.

- I've got lots more ideas.

- She's got lots more ideas.