Sliders (1995–2000): Season 1, Episode 8 - Sliders - full transcript

In a world where Rembrandt was the King of Rock N Roll and where impersonators show homage through his fashion sense, the Sliders must team up with his double to save him from a crazy and jealous former band member.

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-Tomorrow the judge
passes sentence.

I don't have to remind
you of the stakes.

Now listen to me.

The insanity defense
still has merit.

You could tell the judge your
story about other dimensions,

parallel worlds, the works.

He'd have no alternative but
to declare you insane.

Look, I don't mean
to be offensive.

I know you honestly believe
you're some sort of alien.

-Not an alien.

More a visitor.



-I know this little fantasy may
be what's keeping you so

amazingly calm, but you've got
to come to grips with reality.

The sad truth is that this
is your world, and

you are in big trouble.

Do you hear me, Quinn?

This is your world.

-No, it isn't.

All rise.

This court of the State of
California is now in session.

Please be seated.

-Your honor, despite the
eyewitnesses and the

fingerprints, I swear to
you, it wasn't me.

-Quinn Mallory, this court is
satisfied that the guilty

verdict delivered by nine
of your peers was just.



Spray painting a freeway
overpass is an act of public

defiance that spits directly
in the face of the taxpayer

and shows flagrant
disregard for the

sanctity of public property.

-This doesn't sound good.

It doesn't sound good at all.

-Therefore, I have no choice
but to sentence you to the

maximum sentence of death
by lethal injection.

Your
Honor, I appeal.

I appeal on the grounds that the
death penalty is cruel and

unusual punishment.

And I ask the court to
reconsider your verdict.

What if you
could find brand new worlds

right here on Earth, where
anything is possible, same

planet, different dimension?

I found the gateway.

"Sliders."

-Your Honor, I appeal.

I appeal on the grounds that I
believe the death penalty to

be a cruel and unusual
punishment.

-Appeal noted and rejected.

-I appeal again on the grounds
that my client is criminally

insane, and a new trial would
clearly establish that fact.

Second appeal
noted and rejected.

-OK.

-Well, that's it then.

You cooked your own
goose, kid.

-That's it?

That's the entire
appeal process?

-It is now.

Don't you remember Prop 199,
the instant justice

initiative?

Where have you been?

-On another world.

-Now.

-My God, he was telling
the truth.

-Whoo.

That was unbelievable,
you guys.

That has got to be the coolest
jailbreak of all time.

-It was pretty cool,
wasn't it?

-Yeah, but your tagging
counterpart almost got you

killed back there.

-Well, it just goes
to show every

world has its own taboos.

We have to be careful
not to violate them.

-Well, taboo or not, I've had
my share of the criminal

justice system.

Let's get out of here before
they arrest me for something

else.

-All right.

-Well, if this isn't our earth,
it's roughly three days

to the window.

-Yeah, well, I'm starting
to think our earth only

exists in our minds.

-Earth is real, Rembrandt.

We'll make it back.

I know we will.

-It totally looks like
it, doesn't it?

-I can't believe it.

-Gentlemen, check your flies.

-Look at him.

It is him.

-Wow.

-Hey, hey, pretty good.

You almost can't tell
it's an act.

You're here for the
convention, right?

You know, the Crying Man
Convention at the old Hilton.

All the top Rembrandt
impersonators

are gathering there.

I saw it on the news.

-Wait a minute, did you say
there's a batch of people

trying to be the Crying
Man on this world?

-Yeah.

-Do you realize what
this means?

-Yes, it means you're
popular here.

It means we can't
be on our earth.

-This means that this world just
can't get enough of me.

Unbelievable.

It's a good feeling, isn't it?

I mean, we may not have made
it home, but we finally

reached the paradise planet.

-It's not exactly my
idea of paradise.

-Well, look beyond the material
things, girl.

On this earth, I am loved
and appreciated the

way I should be.

That must mean that people have
elevated their minds to a

higher plane.

-Good grief.

I know his ego's the size of the
Grand Canyon, but I forget

sometimes that yours is
right there, too.

-Come on, girl.

I'm a nice kind of a guy.

-Don't involve me
with his ego.

Mine is based a lifetime
of achievement.

-Oh, great, do you see
what we've done?

We jaywalked on this earth.

That must be a big deal.

-On the count of three, run!

-You were saying something about
a higher consciousness?

-Forget it.

-Thanks a lot, man.

-I think--

I think we lost them.

-Tears in my fro!

-I beg your pardon?

-Tears in my fro--
I've got tears in my fro,

because I'm standing on
my head over you.

-"Tears in My Fro." Yeah, that
was a single that I put out

after I split from The Tops.

Failed the chart.

So, uh, you like "Tears
in my Fro?"

-Are you kidding?

I love it.

Yeah, I'll never forget
the night I took

mommy to the prom.

It was playing in the limo.

Straight to number
four like a shot.

Soon to be number one for, like,
what was it, nine weeks.

-Nine weeks?

How sweet it is.

Oh yeah, but you probably know
all that being a Crying Man

impersonator and all.

-Oh, yeah, yeah sure.

-Hey, can I give you a tip?

Platform shoes.

The real king, he
was much taller.

-Platforms, huh?

-Where did you learn
how to do that?

You gotta
set it on fire and see

if it was flammable.

Doh.

Sorry, everybody.

I guess I really messed
up this time.

This time?

You do nothing but mess up,
my boy, beginning with--

-Wow, they're being kind of
rough on the skipper, aren't

they?

-Do you realize how big I
must be on this earth?

We're talking big with
a capital B. Gin.

I am kicking your
butt, professor.

-Nuts.

Gilligan and

I want to get married.

If you were a real skipper, you
could do the ceremony and

we wouldn't have to wait.

Boy.

-We interrupt "Skipper's
Island" to bring

you a special bulletin.

Friday will mark the eight-year
anniversary of the

tragic death of Rembrandt
"Crying Man" Brown, the

undisputed King of
Rock and Roll.

His tragic demise shocked the
world, but his music--

-Did you hear what she said?

The undisputed King.

-Known for crying real tears
in every performance, his

hardcore fans have refused
to accept his passing.

-She forgot to mention I
can cry out of each eye

individually.

-Shh, listen.

-And such mythic tales were
thought ridiculous until Mark

Freelander, a tourist from
Cincinnati took a home video

that may place his name
alongside Zapruder in the

annals of history.

And so today, an entire nation
asked the question, is the

King really back?

-Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

-Whip it.

-Whip it.

-I said whip it.

-Whip it.

-I said whip it.

-Whip it.

-I said whip it.

-Whip it.

-I said whip it.

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Crack that whip.

Give the past a slip.

Step on a crack, break
your mama's back.

-No, no ladies, ladies, ladies,
please, please,

please, stop whippin' it, huh?

This is a Devo tune.

You gotta put more
life into it.

-Jack.

-What, Sissy?

-There's a Penny Jensen
from Channel 43

News here to see you.

-Here?

See me?

Well, it's been a long time
since the press come see me.

-Well, don't forget, honey,
that Crying Man

convention's in town.

-Hey, you're right.

You better send her in.

Hurry up now.

Come on.

Well, Miss Penny, how wonderful
to see you.

You know, you're my favorite
newscaster.

-Oh, thank you.

-I suppose you're here to see
me about the King, huh?

-Yes.

-Yeah, well, instead of tripping
down memory lane, why

don't we take an exciting
glimpse into the here and now?

-All right.

-I'll show you some of the acts
in Captain Jack Brim's

stable, eh?

Look over there.

That's my latest, yeah.

Them gals have quit
their day job.

In fact, they even left their
families to pursue a job in

show business.

Right, girls?

OK, ladies.

Come on out here.

I've got some acts right
here in this book that

you're going to love.

Here, for instance-- ooh!

Whelan Chung.

This is a country Western act.

It's the hottest in
all of Red China.

Boy, he's going to be fabulous
if we can ever get him out.

Oh, the Bass Ace.

You know, a lot of folks say
that the bass is not a

soloist's instrument, but I've
got hundreds and hundreds of

senior citizens that
beg to differ.

-Well, to be honest, we're just
not interested in those

other acts.

We've come because
of Rembrandt.

-Oh, yeah.

Well, I guess he's the one
that I'm most famous for.

Oh, what's your angle
this time?

Eight years Friday
since he kicked.

-Angle?

You mean you haven't heard?

- I'm surfing
on an ocean of tears.

Seems like I've been underneath
them for years.

Oh!

My little island girl,
set my mind awhirl.

And I think I need, ah, to
drink a couple of beers.

-Gag me.

Who wrote that tune?

-The return of the Crying Man
is only part of the story.

We believe this man could be
Jim Morrison of the Doors.

-What?

-Who also, supposedly,
died years ago.

-This is out of control.

-The girl in the video remains
a mystery, and we have

positively identified the fourth
individual as none

other than that great Italian
tenor, Luciano Pavarotti.

-I didn't know you sang opera.

-Ah, only in the
shower, my boy.

Of course, we can only
speculate, but considering

that two supposedly dead stars
are reemerging simultaneously,

well, perhaps Pavarotti wished
to be present to represent the

mainstream musical world on
this momentous occasion.

-I'll never forget the night
I received the news.

The King was sponge fishing in
the Gulf when his boat went

down in this terrible storm, not
a trace of his body was,

was ever found.

-Captain Jack.

I can't believe that guy
was managing my double.

When I split from The Tops, he
begged me to take him on,

swore up and down he would
take me right to the top.

He was a jerk, but maybe
I made a mistake.

-I guess now the King belongs
to the, to deep.

-And you still believe that?

-I'm afraid that Rembrandt, he
would have contacted me years

ago if he was still alive.

Oh, I just gotta remain
a hopeful skeptic.

Well, well, I thank you
very much, Miss Penny.

Hope you got everything
you came for.

Thank you, gentlemen.

You keep the batteries
charged.

-Good luck.

-A Captain video.

Thank you.

Would you come in
here, please?

-I'm ready, I'm ready.

Oh.

-He's alive.

Alive.

Do you understand
what that means?

That means that if I get back
in his good graces, I could

have a career again.

-Boy, I tell you--

-Oh, god.

The word is out.

Rembrandt, your fans
know we're here.

-So what's the big deal?

My fans are so desperate to see
me, I just go out there

and give them a little taste.

-You sure it's safe?

They look pretty crazed.

-Girl, my music can soothe
the savage beast, and my

personality is just
as disarming.

I just go out and give them a
little hello and request a

little privacy for me
and my entourage.

-Entourage?

-You all know what I mean.

-Disgraceful.

-He's in trouble.

-I'll get him back.

Leave this to me.

All right now, step aside.

-Those people are animals.

They all want a piece of me,
and I mean literally.

-And I love every
minute of it.

Except when that old lady tried
to put a vice lock on my

behind, Lord.

-Well, if you loved it
so much, why did

you come back inside?

-I may have loved it,
girl, but I couldn't

have survived it.

I mean, there is such a thing
as too much love.

-Did you see the professor?

-Oh my God.

-Put me down, you infidels.

-I gotta go get him.

-At once!

-Professor!

Come on!

-Keep them away,
keep them away.

-Are you all right?

-I think all the essentials
are still there.

You will call the police now,
and get us a police escort out

of here away from that mob.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa,
be reasonable.

A police escort?

Mr. Pavarotti--

-I am not Mr. Pavarotti.

Mr. Pavarotti is an Italian.

He speaka likea this.

Do I speaka like this?

No.

Why?

Because I am an Englishman,
you blistering idiot.

Now I have had it up
to here with you.

You have no right to advertise
our presence in this

third-rate hotel.

-Come on, Penny.

Woo!

Shazam.

I haven't seen a crowd this
worked up since Michael

Jackson rejoined Public Enemy.

Now, you come to the box office
tomorrow night, and

there will be two tickets
at Will Call for you.

Thank you, officer.

Mr. Pavarotti, as I
live and breathe.

What a pleasure to
meet you, sir.

-Aha, aha, see, I
knew it was you.

-You.

You got in here.

Can you get us out?

-Well, you scratch my back,
I'll scratch yours.

I've come in here with a royal
offer for the King himself.

You gotta take me to him.

I can't begin to tell you
how happy he'll be

to see me, Mr. Pavarotti.

-The name is Arturo,
Maximilian Arturo.

And you are?

-Captain Jack Brim.

-The Captain Jack Brim?

-That's right.

-Wow.

Huh, I always thought
you were dead, too.

I'm
a bearer of a gift.

What's
this gift all about?

-Manana, 7 PM, an audience of
billions are going to tune in

to see the triumphant return of
the King in concert on all

four networks and Pay-Per-View
around the world.

And get this.

The promoters, they're
going to fork over--

are you ready?

$1 million per song.

Do you hear me, Remy?

If you pull a Springsteen, you
stay on that stage all night.

I'll be set for life.

Oh, and you, you'll be richer
than you already are.

-Will you excuse us
just for a second?

-Yeah, sure.

-A million dollars a song?

We'd never have money problems
again, that's for sure.

-Oh, yeah.

-We slide tomorrow
night at 9:03 PM.

That'll be right near
the end of the show.

It's too close, too
complicated.

I say pass.

-Wait a minute, are you
cracked, Q-Ball?

This is everything
I've ever wanted.

You worry too much.

I'm doing the show
and that's final.

All right, Jack.

I'm in.

-Terrific.

-Yeah, providing that we ever
get out of here, though.

I mean, I don't think, Live at
the Motel 12 has such a good

ring to it.

-Look, exiting this dump is
going to be a little tricky,

but you've got experience
in things like that.

Right, King?

-Yeah.

-Come with me, folks.

I'm telling you, we're not even
going to be able to fold

all the money we're
going to have.

Come on, I've got my
own private limo

parked around the corner.

-Wow.

Hey, Q-Ball?

Remember this beauty?

-Yeah, now come on.

-It's my ride from days
gone by, huh?

-Woo, Charlie, it's true.

It is you.

-Who are you supposed to be?

-Just supposed to be
you, lamb chop.

In honor of your return.

Welcome back.

-Thank you.

Ah!

-Rembrandt?

-KRI BABY.

Cry baby.

We
interrupt this broadcast to

bring you a special
announcement.

All of tonight's regularly
scheduled programming will be

preempted, so we can bring you
Rembrandt "Crying Man" Brown.

In his internationally
televised--

-What the hell?

All
the details of the concert

remain top secret as Captain
Jack Brim has kept Rembrandt

tightly under wraps since his
sudden reappearance here in

San Francisco just yesterday
with his mysterious entourage.

Advance sales continue to break
all records as millions

of viewers prepare to tune in
for the largest Pay-Per-View

broadcast event.

Yeah?

We'll see about that.

-What do you mean you can't
call the police.

-I can't.

-Well, maybe you can't,
but I can.

-No, hey, please.

I beg of you, no.

Look, I'm as concerned
about him as you are.

Even more.

Do you realize I've got 100
million people going to tune

in to see him go onstage
tomorrow night?

Do you realize the kind of
lawsuits I'm faced with?

-I don't believe this guy.

This is our friend, OK?

I don't give a damn about
your lousy show.

-I'm calling the cops.

-Hey, don't do that.

Listen, you do that, you may
never see him again.

Just remember that our kidnapper
here, he's going to

contact us.

But if you contact the police,
or the press gets involved in

this, there's no telling
what might happen.

Hey, you ever hear of the
Lindbergh kidnapping?

-You may have a point.

-Yeah, whoever did this has a
vested interest in

the Pay-Per-View.

Let me tell you.

-What are you saying, they're
from a rival cable company?

-That's possible.

Now trust me please.

You just stay here and keep
out of sight, all right?

-Where you going?

-I'm going down on stage and
line up some of them

replacement acts.

Hey, by the way, if he should
call here, the kidnapper, you

give him my cellular
number, all right?

-That's it?

-Hey, I'm doing the
best I can.

Hold down the fort till
I get back, Penny.

-Now what?

-What are you doing?

-I don't care what that guy
says, I'm calling the cops.

-Who are you, and why are
you doing this to me?

-Oh, I can't believe you
don't recognize me.

Well, I was only the most
important Spinning Top.

-Say what?

-Now don't toy with me,
sugar biscuits.

You can't tell me you don't
know Maurice Fish

when you see him.

-Maurice.

I don't believe this.

Maurice, quit playing.

Untie me, man.

I must be in hell.

-You're not deceased, honey.

That's why you're here.

Trust me.

Your resurrection was
a bad career move.

You left this world at
the perfect time.

A legend who had peaked,
disappeared into the sunset.

You should have left
well enough alone.

-Maurice, why are
you doing this?

Untie me, man.

Look, we can talk about
old times, OK?

-I'll untie you, brother.

All you gotta do is sign this.

"I, Rembrandt Brown acknowledge
that Maurice Fish

was the true brains behind
the Spinning Tops.

And I admit to the world that I
stole all my songs from him,

and that I've become famous,
like him, by stepping on his

back."

-You just got to sign
it right here.

You won't be laughing long.

When I get through with you, you
won't even have a tongue.

-Maurice?

Look, Maurice, OK, I've
quit laughing, man.

Untie me, OK?

Maurice!

It's not funny anymore, man.

Come on, untie me.

Doggonit.

-And when will the Lieutenant
be back?

Don't you understand
this could be a

matter of life or death?

Oh, it's ridiculous.

San Francisco police say they
think the matter's a hoax.

They say they have a
file that thick on

false Rembrandt sightings.

-Well, what are we
going to do now?

-Wait.

I think I'm on to something.

Luckily, Captain Jack had
a modem on his computer.

I've accessed the DMV records.

-Why?

-The license plate on that red
Cadillac said KRI BABY.

Here we go.

Thank God for vanity plates.

-Did you trace it?

-Maurice Fish, 1913 South
Belle Terrace.

-That's East Oakland.

-Let's go.

-Rembrandt!

-Who are you?

Where's Jack?

-You just missed him.

He went down to the
auditorium.

-Thanks.

-Rembrandt?

-Mr. Brown to you, sweetie.

Only my friends call
me Rembrandt.

Wait, you're those people from
the video on the TV news.

Where is that impersonator?

That son of a gun is trying
to steal my life.

-You're the other Rembrandt.

-No, no.

I'm the real Rembrandt.

-No.

The real Rembrandt, the Crying
Man, is dead, and you are

clearly not dead.

-No, I am the Crying Man.

I only faked my death because
I wanted to get out of the

business, OK?

Now I've shared my
little secret.

What's yours?

-We have to tell
him the truth.

-There's no time.

-We're from a parallel
dimension.

The imposter's not
an impostor.

He's really you.

-Say what?

-No time to explain.

Do you have a car?

-Outside.

-Can we borrow it?

Our friend's in trouble.

-Huh, forget it.

-Our friend's been kidnapped by
some guy in a red Cadillac.

That's his name and address
right there.

-Maurice Fish?

-You know him?

-Huh, I'm the one that had
him institutionalized.

The guy hates me.

Wait a minute.

If Maurice thinks your friend is
me, next time you see him,

he'll be face up
in the morgue.

-Were you leaving
before dessert?

Well, there you go.

Come on.

-Maurice, listen to me.

I can solve all of this.

I'm not really your Rembrandt,
so you can just go

ahead and untie me.

Look, I'm from another
dimension.

I'm leaving this earth
tomorrow night.

Now, your Rembrandt is dead.

So you have nothing
to worry about.

-Stories of the booze
and the pills, must

have all been true.

To see you so delusional
is a sad, sad thing.

I usually use this
to do my legs.

But it'll do your neck
very nicely.

-Maurice.

Maurice, please.

Look, this has gone
on too far, OK?

Look-- hey, hey, I'll sign
the papers, man.

Just untie me.

-You'll sign, all right.

You'll sign it in blood Don't
worry, sweet pea.

I'll make sure your final
minutes are happy ones.

Slap me, love me, grab me,
bommy, bommy, bommy.

It takes your love to really,
really me.

Wooo.

Whip me, kick me, lick me, lick
me, lick me, lick me.

A girl like you could really,
really treat me, woooo.

Baby, please, down on my knees,
you can .

Let me have some more.

Slap me, love me.

Woo-hooo.

Oh, yes.

Thank you.

Oh, yes.

-I don't know what to say.

-I taught you everything
I know.

Jack!

-Talk to ya later.

-Where's Jack?

-On stage introducing
the acts.

-I just checked the stage.

He wasn't anywhere near them.

-Well, I don't know
where he is.

-I need to know exactly
where--

-Rembrandt.

-Yo.

-I thought it was Rembrandt.

-That's me.

-Me.

-Me.

They're all Rembrandt.

-Oh, there you are.

Do you hear that crowd?

They're ready to
tear me apart.

I'm running out of acts.

-We're trying to track down the
guy that took Rembrandt.

We've got a friend double
parked outside.

We're on our way to
East Oakland.

Keep putting on impersonators.

-Oakland?

Who's next?

-Yo.

That's me, man.

-I'm the one.

-Pick me, man.

-Open the door, Maurice.

-I'm going to check out front.

-Let's go.

Maurice.

-Now you back up and
head right on back

where you came from.

-Please don't shoot.

-Don't tell me what to do
in my own house now.

Hey, easy does it there,
Charmange.

-How do you know my name?

Rembrandt?

-Hey, baby.

-Don't baby me.

So you are alive.

-So to speak.

Uh, you see Maurice?

-Maurice?

I ain't seen his worthless self
in two and a half years,

since I kicked his sorry
behind outta here.

-Uh, ma'am, you wouldn't happen
to know where we could

find his sorry behind,
would you?

-Last I heard, he took
over his nephew's

lease over near Telegraph.

Intersection of Povo Street.

-Do you know the address?

-Red house on the
south corner.

Now that is all I know.

-See you, baby.

Charmange.

Sorry about the door.

I'll take care of it.

-Pack up all your cares and woe,
here I go, swinging low.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Blackbird bye-bye.

Mmm, mmm.

-OK, guys, this is the place.

-All right.

You go in the front way,
I'll go in the back.

-You know my one regret?

Is I can't make you suffer
as long as I did.

-Ah.

As much as I'd love to hear you
begging, we don't want to

disturb the neighbors.

I'm going to savor this
moment, sugar.

Rembrandt?

-Stay there.

I'll slice him like a biscuit.

-Put the razor down, Maurice.

-You?

How the hell?

Ugh!

-Are you all right?

-I am now.

-I was just trying to scare
you into retirement, man.

You know I'd never really
do anything to hurt you.

-Get him out of here.

-You're nothin', man.

I was the brains.

On tour, you ain't
worth half of me.

I ain't done, son.

I'll be back, Jack.

You ain't heard the last of--

-Let's get him out of here.

-That is the ugly
side of fame.

My Lord.

-You're alive.

-And you me.

I thought that was the craziest
story I ever heard,

but no one can fake
me like that.

-Why did you--

-Why--

- Sorry, man.

-You go ahead.

-So, uh, you faked
your death, huh?

-It's the only way I could get
back to being human again.

-Oh, man, this is weird.

All of my life, I've dreamed
of success like yours.

And you just walk
away from it.

-Well, I was full.

I had to back away
from the table.

But you?

You're still hungry.

Look, we're just entertainers.

We're supposed to make people
feel good, but sometimes

things just get out of hand.

-Yeah.

-You know they built a shrine
for me in Memphis?

It's called Crying Land.

Got grown women worshiping
there every day.

Other folks keep having plastic
surgery so they can

look more like me.

-So what's the matter
with that?

-You'll see.

Just walk a mile in my shoes.

-Oh, I plan to.

-You sure you want this?

The fame, the life?

-That's all I've ever thought
about ever since

I was a kid, man.

I'm telling you, that's all
I ever thought about.

-Then here it is, my brother.

You become me.

-What?

-You walk up to the plate.

I go home, kick back.

-Are you serious?

-I am if you are.

-Oh yeah.

Oh yeah, man, I'll take that
pressure off your hands, yes.

Yes!

-Be careful what you wish
for, other Remy.

-Oh, right, right.

-Are you ready to do it?

Let's dance.

-Let's dance.

Let's dance!

- And if you had a
heart, maybe you'd start to

understand.

-Mercy.

-Captain.

-What?

-They found him.

-Oh, thank God.

-Boy, you are cool as ice.

I'd be a nervous wreck.

-Don't encourage
this, Wade, OK?

Rembrandt, look, we slide at
a little after 9 o'clock.

I'm just afraid if you go up
there, you're going to

completely lose track of time.

-He's right.

It is a risky business
being separated

that close to departure.

-Well, you've brought up an
interesting question, and, uh,

that's what I want to
talk to you about.

-Uh-oh.

I know where this going.

-No, no, don't get
me wrong, please.

I love you guys, but my place
is here with my music.

Now, maybe it's fate.

Maybe that's why I got caught
up in that wormhole in the

first place.

-What about your doppelganger,
your double?

Professor, say something.

-Mr. Brown, I can only add a
note of caution to what has

already been said.

-Guys, I know what I'm doing.

You gotta let go and try to be
happy for me, just like I

would be for you if you
found your paradise.

-Thank God they found you.

You ready?

How do you feel?

-Never better.

-OK.

Remember the sequence.

"Tears in My Fro," "Love
Explosion," "Cry Like a Man,"

"Explosion of Love," then "I'm
a Tearjerk," "Who Stole My

Woman," and then we segue into
the big finale, "Headbutt Me,"

and then the encore,
"Weeping Wall of

Tears." -I got it.

-I love this man.

Ladies and gentlemen, stand
aside, the King is back.

-Yeah.

- Breaking my heart!

-The man has more keys
than a motel clerk.

Oh, God.

Thank you.

I've got an armored car to
get you out of here.

There he goes, ladies
and gentlemen.

The albino Rembrandt has
just left the building.

OK, cool it down now.

Come on.

Act a little dignified,
ladies and gentlemen.

The moment that we're waiting
for is soon at hand.

-I guess this is goodbye then.

We'll be here in the wings.

But around 9 o'cock,
we're gonna go.

-OK.

I'm going to miss
you, sweetheart.

-Ladies and gentlemen, like
the legendary Lazarus has

risen, like Prometheus has
come from the flames--

-It's been a delight
to know you.

-Well, nothing we can do
to change your mind?

-No.

Just gotta go ahead and
take that chance.

I take back all those things I
said about everything being

your fault.

I'll never forget you, Q-Ball.

-Here he is, the King.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is
Rembrandt "Crying Man" Brown.

-Go get 'em, Rembrandt!

-Hey.

-I'm trying to be
happy for him.

I just think he's making
a terrible mistake.

You?

-Aren't you afraid you'll
be spotted?

-All eyes on him.

I just come around to see if
he's got what it takes before

I let him take away my crown.

-And what are you going to
do in the light of this

unexpected development?

-Go back to fishing, relaxing,
living a quiet, private life.

Nobody's going to be looking for
me as long as he's here.

-I cannot tell you how much
I admire your choice.

-Yeah, I'll say.

I don't think I could
walk away from a

million dollars a song.

-A million dollars a song?

I don't believe this.

- I've got tears in my
fro, cuz I'm standing on my

head over you.

And I've--

I've got a long way to go.

Will this crying stop?

I wish I knew.

-Well, I think it's time we
found a quiet place to sleep.

-I really don't think we
should leave him here.

-Oh, it's his life and
it's what he wants.

Let him go, Miss Welles.

-Come on.

- I'm only half
the man I used to be--

-Aaahgh.

I've got tears in my
fro cuz I'm standing on my

head over you.

-What's going on?

- Yeah, yeah.

At first I thought our love
was never-ending.

Together, you and I
until eternity.

But now I realize I was
just pretending.

I'm only half the man
that I used to be.

- Got tears in my
fro cuz I'm standing

upside down over you.

Yeah, I should comb
them out, I know.

-Oh, man.

I'm seeing double.

-I've got tears in my fro cuz
my world is upside down over

you, you baby, you babe.

I should comb them
out, I know.

But that's the saddest thing
I'll ever have to do.

-Ladies and gentlemen, let's
have a big round of applause

for the greatest Rembrandt
impersonator of them all.

-Well, I've got tears in my
fro cuz I'm standing on my

head--

-Oh my god, they think our
Rembrandt's just another

impersonator.

We've gotta get him off there.

-Rembrandt!

Rembrandt!

Rembrandt!

Come on.

-We've got seven minutes
to slide.

Rembrandt.

Rembrandt,
come on.

-I can't believe he
did that to me.

-I've got tears in my fro
cuz I'm standin on

my head over you.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

-Yeehaw!

-He gets to come back, and I
get the double cross, after

all of my hard work.

-Look, since it is his world,
and he did the work, he is the

rightful King.

-No matter what, Rembrandt,
you're the only

Crying Man to us.

-Don't let it get to you.

You're just as good as he is.

-Better.

-Damn right.

-Look at it this way.

Maybe on the next world,
you'll be even bigger

than you were here.

-Look, I hate to interrupt
this love fest,

but we have to go.

-Yeah, maybe in the next
world I will be bigger.

-Heave-ho.

-You're the King, right?

I mean, are you really
the King?

-No, I'm not really the King.

Bigger than ever, huh?

Thanks, kids.

-Look at it this way, at least
we get free ice cream.

And we're outside all day.

-Don't, OK?