Shrill (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 7 - Salon - full transcript
- Fuck.
Do you want to go
from behind?
- Fuck, yeah.
- Shh.
I feel like, just go.
- Okay.
- That was good.
And also very intense.
Like, I never thought I'd fuck
my boyfriend at my job.
- We just got paid to cum.
What do I do with this?
- Okay, don't, like...
dangle it at me
like it's a prize, okay?
Just throw it away,
but don't throw it away
in the office,
because Ruthie,
she goes through
everyone's trash all the time.
- Well, but I can't, like,
flush it down the toilet
because of the turtles
and stuff.
- Why?
What are the turtles gonna do?
- Don't they feed on semen?
- I don't know.
Just throw it away
in the dumpster
that's around the corner.
- On it.
- Wait.
You don't think anyone will
be able to, like, tell, right?
- Why would they?
- I don't know.
You look very-- insanely sweaty,
and you also have, like...
a little bit of, like,
a "fuck" look in your eye.
- No.
I mean, I'm sweaty, but...
I'm kind of always sweaty,
so...
I think we're good.
- Yeah.
My God.
- I'm so sorry.
What's wrong with...
wait, you look
like something's up.
- No, nothing's up.
I'm actually--
I'm extremely normal
and how I always am.
- You're really clammy,
and you smell like...
animal.
Are you on drugs?
- Nope.
No, mama.
No, mama.
I'm good, mama.
I'm...
I'm-- I'm--
got to be me, mama.
- You "got to be me, mama"?
- Yeah, I got to be me, mama,
so mama's gotta do
what mama-- mama gonna do.
- Okay, well,
Gabe wants to see you.
Mama.
- Could be a fun thing for us.
Hello.!
- Annie, how's it going?
- Hi. Hi.
Hey, I just wanted to check in
and see how the WA-HAM
thing was going.
- Yeah, it's--
it's going great.
Yeah, I'm just still
sort of plugging away at it,
but I really
can't thank you enough.
I feel like you just reached
right in there and, like,
pulled it all out of me
like a tapeworm.
- That's disgusting.
- Yes, well...
I honestly--
I feel closer to you.
I like that.
- You know, tonight,
I'm having this dinner thing
I do once a month.
It's like an intellectual
salon.
- My God.
Yes, I know about them.
They're absolutely legendary.
- All right,
calm down, groupie,
or I'll change my mind,
but John Waters canceled,
and you're second alternate.
- So that means...
- You're in.
Tonight.
7:00 p.m.
Bring a date.
But, you know, Annie,
just be cool,
'cause I don't invite a lot
of people from the office.
- I will be so cool.
I will be so cool,
it's gonna be freakin' coo--
the coolest
you've ever seen me.
I'm second alternate
to John fuckin' Waters.
That's fucking huge, dude.
- Not to brag,
but I've actually
been to three of these things.
- What?
- Yeah.
Gabe realized he didn't have
any black friends,
so he started inviting me.
- God.
- That's the fun
reverse racism.
You feel me?
Okay, well,
what should I expect?
- Int's, like, rich freaks
and fancy art people.
But Sheila Branch
is gonna be at this one.
- Are you kidding me?
- No.
- You're telling me
I'm gonna be at the same party
as "The Thorn's" publishers?
She's like Gabe's Gabe, right?
- Yeah, she's the big boss.
She's actually here 'cause,
they're renegotiating
Gabe's contract.
He's, like, freaking out
that he's gonna lose his job.
- That's crazy.
So she could fire Gabe?
She could set fire to Gabe.
- Are you talking
about Gabe's party?
I'm going, too, you know.
- Di--
so Gabe invited you?
- Yeah, well, working.
Just a little-foods waiter.
What?
- I'm gonna serve the little
foods to the large people.
- Like the cater waiter?
- Yeah. This party's
gonna be nasty cool, right?
Yeah.
- I think I'll probably
not see you guys,
but I'll know--
I'll make sure
you guys get the hottest--
the hottest little stuff.
- See ya.
See ya.
She's gonna fucking kill us,
right?
- I'm just scared
that she's a ghost
that's just haunting
this place,
and only you and I can see her.
- Emily, are you free
next Saturday?
- I have to kiss my cat,
but then, yes.
Why?
- I was thinking that I should
throw myself a huge rager.
Like, in my own honor.
- Yes.
- Yeah,
and it'll be called Fran-Fest.
- Yes, bitch,
fucking Fran-Fest 2K20.
- And I have a crown.
- Yes.
- And I'm gonna
come in on a throne.
- Yes.
- And you have to feed me
grapes.
- That's fancy.
- Okay,
so I want to invite everyone,
but also leave enough people
out so that it feels exclusive.
- Well, then top of the list
is that girl Mary
with the dead tooth.
She can shoot
a little ping pong
out of her little butthole.
Yeah, I wasn't
trying to rush you.
I just don't want to be late
for Gabe's party.
- Yeah,
we just can't stay too long.
I've got Burger League tonight.
- Okay.
- I'm sorry,
did you just say Burger League?
- Yeah.
Whoever eats the most burgers
gets a free burger.
You want to come?
- You know, there was a time
when that question
would've annoyed me,
and now I just feel
happy for you and your bizarre
and simple life.
- Thanks, Fran.
- You know what's cool
is that Burger League
has fallen on
the exact same night
as the biggest networking
opportunity of my career.
- It is very cool.
- Yeah, that happens.
- Yeah, it rocks.
- But it's the finals.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, Annie, it's the finals.
Everyone's gonna be there.
- Yeah, like, Scooter and Puff.
- And Bucko, Pinkeye Ted.
- Dingus.
- Wait, do you actually
know Puff, or no?
Okay, okay, we are gonna
stop by Burger League
after we go to Gabe's,
but our Lyft is almost here,
so bye!
Bye.
- Enjoy Burger League.
Okay, Burger-head
is not invited to Fran-Fest.
- Okay, but Pinkeye Ted
is coming, though.
We are engaged,
so it'd be weird if he didn't.
- I wanted
to get engaged to you.
- It's not too late.
- Try not to be so stressed,
Annie.
Today's a good day.
Remember when
we fucked at work?
- Yeah, I remember.
- I mean,
at the hardware store,
the bathroom was so small,
I couldn't even jerk off in it.
I love this job.
- Yeah, I mean,
I love this job, too,
which is why I feel like
this might have to be
a one-time-only
"fucking at work" experience.
- What, are you serious?
Why?
- Because I just finally got
back on my feet at "The Thorn,"
and Gabe's, you know,
taking me seriously,
and I don't want
to screw it up.
- Okay, you're right.
I'm sorry.
Work is really important
to you, and tonight,
I'm gonna be just
your arm candy,
while you impress the big boss.
- Okay, exactly,
and then we'll have fun,
and we'll go
to the Burger League.
Look who's here.
- Here we go.
- Armando.
I love it.
Wow.
My God.
Calendar Cody's here.
And he's looking damn good
in those wild PJ pants.
He's so cool.
He just winked at me.
He winked at me.
- He definitely did.
He's so cool.
I know.
- Annie, why do I
fucking do this to myself?
- I don't know.
- I invite all of Portland's
biggest snobs
and cuntiest critics,
and I just feel like
they hate it.
Do they hate it?
- I think--
I think people like it.
- Have you seen Sheila?
Is-- is she looking
at me right now?
- I don't know
where she is.
I-- I would say
don't over-think it.
- Annie, you brought
a distro guy as your date?
- Yeah.
Well, he's, um...
- I mean, I'm her boyfriend,
actually.
- I get this.
I get this.
Sheila will think
I'm not a fucking snob
in my ivory tower.
I know all my employees.
I'm a man of the people.
I-- I'm Mother Teresa,
but less of a bitch.
- Yes.
- This is a nice move, Annie.
- Yeah.
- Okay, you guys get out there
and just dazzle
these motherfuckers, okay?
And stay ordinary.
- Okay, I'm gonna go to the bar
and get us a drink,
and then we're gonna go
to Burger League, right?
- Well, maybe not that quick,
but yes.
- Okay, I'm gonna get you
that pink wine.
- Okay, rosé, but yep.
- Hey.
- Gabe is going insane.
You're exactly right.
He's freaking out.
Sorry.
- Hey, Annie, this is Nick.
Nick's probably
the best illustrator
who's ever lived in Portland.
- He did that summer cover
that you like, on your cubicle.
- Wow, wait, that was you?
The dog in the bikini?
That's, like, my favorite cover
we had all year.
- That's my dog.
- What?
- Yeah, Popcorn.
- Wow.
- She was the model
for that one, so...
- So you live
with Popcorn the model?
Sounds kind of intimidating.
- I mean, it's quite a life,
you know?
16-pound model
running around your apartment.
- Yeah.
- Recently ate a dead bird.
- Well, that's my kind of girl.
- I'll hook you guys up.
- Cool.
Yeah.
Maureen.
Maureen, my God.
When I said
subtle aromatic au jus,
was I just jerking myself off?
'Cause this smells like piss.
- Sir, on my honor
as a part-time catering worker,
I can assure you that
there is no urine in that food.
Just...
Hi!
- I'm, like,
settled in for the night.
I wake up mid-flight
fully hallucinating.
The hit's, like,
fully taken hold.
I'm, like...I don't know
what's going on.
I think the flight
attendants are, like,
skeletons coming for me.
- No!
- I'm ready to, like,
jump out of my seat.
Yeah.
- That's my nightmare.
- It was horrifying.
Horrifying.
God.
- Hey, Nick, this is Ryan.
Ryan, Nick.
Sorry, what's your name?
- What's your name?
- Nick.
- Hey, Nick.
Ryan.
- Yeah, you know, um,
Gabe told me to, like, mingle,
and I do want to,
so I really
want to meet Sheila.
That's...
that's Sheila, right?
Yeah,
that's her right over there.
I can introduce you,
if you want.
Kind of makes it easier.
- Really?
Yeah.
I mean, I would love that.
I don't know if I've had enough
wine at this point, but...
- No, she's totally not scary.
I've been working for her
for, like, ten years.
- Yeah,
I'm very star-struck by her.
Would you mind, Amadi,
if I left Ryan with you
for just a minute?
- Yeah, that's cool.
You're good,
right, Ryan?
- Yeah, sure.
Okay.
You know about Alcatraz?
- The prison?
- Yeah, but originally,
it was a military base.
Did you know that?
- I didn't know that.
- Yeah, well, it's true.
- I need to show you something.
You should stay
down here and die.
- Sheila!
- Hi, Chris!
Wait right here.
Perfect.
- Now we're just
gonna have a conversation.
Okay, you're gonna pretend
to talk to me.
- Yeah.
- Don't look back at her.
- Okay.
- Stay right here with me.
- Okay.
- And as soon as she's done
talking to this guy,
we're gonna make our move.
- Okay.
- Don't-- no, no.
- Stay right here.
- I'd love to.
Let's set it up.
- Okay, it's almost time.
Yeah, sure.
Congratulations.
Okay, now laugh.
Okay, let's go.
- Hey, Nick Powell.
I was hoping I'd see you here.
- Sheila,
I want to introduce you
to one of your star employees.
- All right.
- This is Annie Easton.
Hi.
- "Hello, I'm fat."
My God.
That piece blew my mind.
- My God.
You saw that?
- Yes. In fact,
I sent it to my mom, actually.
I mean, that mind prison shit,
that is real.
- Yeah, so real.
God, I honestly
can't believe you read it.
- I mean, of course I read it.
It shattered
our traffic records.
Gabe said you went rogue
when you posted it.
- I-- I did, yeah.
- You know, as your publisher,
I should probably
tell you
you should never do that again.
But we're off the clock,
so fuck it.
- I loved it!
- Wow.
Ma'am, you have to stop.
Like, this is too much
for me to take.
It's so nice.
- She's adorable.
Where'd you find her?
- Well, gulp, gulp, gulp.
But, you know.
- Ta-da!
- Holy shit.
What is this?
- It's a gas mask collection.
I just hung it up.
Some of these date
all the way back
to World War...eight?
Yeah?
Yeah, that sounds right.
- Hey, Ruthie, you live here?
- Yeah, I've lived here
for two years.
This is my room.
Do you like
how I've arranged them?
The ones that had people
die in them most recently
are closest to my bed.
- Yeah, um, that's nice.
It's just,
don't you think it's unusual
that you live
with Tony and Gabe?
- No. I needed a place to stay,
and they needed
a beautiful teen daughter
with huge, rockin' tits.
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
I'm just...
I'm, like, thrown
by this whole arrangement.
- Well, it's weird
you're not thrown
that you have an alcoholic wife
that only fucks you
when you make money.
- Hey, wait.
Ruthie...
Okay, look, hey,
I'm sorry if I offended you.
I wasn't trying
to get you upset.
I'm just asking questions.
- Well, you didn't
get me upset.
But I'm sure your mom's upset,
screaming in hell
because her son fucking sucks
and he's a piece of shit
and he's an asshole.
- Ruthie.
- Have you done any freelance
stuff outside of Portland?
- No.
I mean, I would love to,
but I was doing the calendar
up to, like, two months ago,
so...
- Well, you should.
I mean, you should
get a feel of, you know,
working with a variety
of editors.
Let me know
if you want to pitch something
to one of my other papers.
- My God.
I would love that.
That would be amazing.
I mean, if Gabe's okay with it,
then yeah.
- Hey, Annie,
do you mind if I give you
a piece of advice?
- Of course.
It would be my honor.
- Gabe is truly the best
at what he does.
He's brilliant,
but he's a narcissist,
so it may seem
like he's helping you,
but at the end of the day,
he's looking out for himself.
So you need to look out
for yourself too.
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
Totally.
- So, you know,
as you develop your voice
as a writer--
- Hello, there.
- Hi.
- Just checking on my girl.
- Hey.
- How we doing on time?
- Yeah, good.
Um...
Yeah, Sheila, this is Ryan.
- Hey.
I'm Annie's burger.
I mean, boyfriend.
- Ladies and gentlemen,
dinner is served.
Well, excuse me.
Yeah.
I-- I can't believe
you just touched my ass
in front of Sheila.
And also,
you interrupted something
that was kind of important.
- Okay, sorry.
God.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm not trying
to make you feel bad.
I just...
you know, this is almost over,
and then we can go, right?
And now it's time for dinner.
You love dinner.
- I do like dinner.
- Yeah, okay.
- Hey, Annie.
I saw you talking to Sheila.
Did she say anything about me?
- No.
Nothing.
- God damn it.
I didn't want to have to,
but I'm gonna have to do it.
- Do what?
Cody.
- Absolutely.
- Hey, Ruthie,
can we talk real quick?
You want to hook up, don't you?
Well, you should know
I'm married.
- Hey, Ruthie,
I just wanted to apologize
for what I said earlier.
- Okay.
- I should've been
more sensitive.
And I know that Tony and Gabe
are your chosen family.
I should've realized that,
you know,
that things haven't
always been easy for you.
- I-- I get it.
You think because
I'm trans that my family
probably kicked me
out or something.
- Well-- well, yeah.
- Um, I live here because Gabe
and Tony are super fucking rich
and I don't have to pay rent
and they worship me.
- So doesn't have anything
to do with the...
- The trauma porn
that you think my life is?
No, and I think
if it did,
it wouldn't be any
of your business.
- Copy. Yeah.
Well, still, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't
have assumed anything.
- That's okay.
Thank you for apologizing.
I missed.
Well...
Attention,
attention, everyone!
- My gosh.
It's happening.
Come on, come on.
Eyes up here.
Please, attention.
Please, Maureen?
Eyes up here.
Ladies, gentlemen,
honored guests,
I am so honored to bring you
the king of sound,
the lover of my soul...
Gabe! And Cody.
- God.
This is gonna be bad.
- It's too late.
We're already in it.
Just buckle up.
Cody!
- My mind is blown.
- Wow.
I can't-- did you know
that he was gonna do that?
Yeah, he's been
talking about it all week.
- I mean, I was, like, frozen,
but then it really was amazing.
- I feel like he's got
the pipes and he knows it.
- Yes, totally.
- Like, he fully knows it.
- Hey, I'm getting a Lyft,
so I've made
an executive decision.
It's Burger League time.
- Okay.
- Cool, so I'll see you
out there in a few minutes?
- Yeah.
- There he is!
- Wow.
- Been looking for you.
- Amazing.
Nick, this is Calendar Cody.
He's literally
the coolest guy at "The Thorn."
- That is true.
- That's not true.
That's not true.
I'm not that cool.
I'm not the one that's
having sex in the office.
That's what's tight.
That's what's very cool to me.
Yeah.
- What?
Yeah, Angus said
that you and Ryan
got busy in the server room.
They said that the distro guys
were talking about it.
Um...
Yeah, I--
I would never, ever do that.
- Yeah, for sure, right?
Um...
Angus...you know, I'm sure
I misunderstood something.
It's-- that's on me.
That's on me.
- Um, could you excuse me
for one minute?
I'm sorry.
- Did you tell everyone
that we fucked in the office?
- No. Not everyone.
Reggie from distro
just guessed it.
He said it looked like
I just fucked.
I wasn't gonna lie to him,
but I didn't think
he'd tell anyone.
- Why tell anyone anything?
That's private.
That's between us.
- I'm sorry, Annie.
- Now everybody knows,
and if Gabe finds out,
I could get fired.
- Fuck Gabe.
Who cares about him?
I mean, all those people
are just pretentious assholes.
I care.
So you should care too.
I-- I want to be
one of those people.
- Can we just talk
about this in the car, please?
- No.
No, I'm gonna stay.
- Wait, are you serious?
I just spent, like, two hours
at this stupid party for you.
- Okay, well...
I don't know
what you want me to say.
- I don't know
what to say, either.
Sorry.
I'm gonna go.
Hey.
- Everything good?
- Yeah.
I'm good.
Do you want to go
from behind?
- Fuck, yeah.
- Shh.
I feel like, just go.
- Okay.
- That was good.
And also very intense.
Like, I never thought I'd fuck
my boyfriend at my job.
- We just got paid to cum.
What do I do with this?
- Okay, don't, like...
dangle it at me
like it's a prize, okay?
Just throw it away,
but don't throw it away
in the office,
because Ruthie,
she goes through
everyone's trash all the time.
- Well, but I can't, like,
flush it down the toilet
because of the turtles
and stuff.
- Why?
What are the turtles gonna do?
- Don't they feed on semen?
- I don't know.
Just throw it away
in the dumpster
that's around the corner.
- On it.
- Wait.
You don't think anyone will
be able to, like, tell, right?
- Why would they?
- I don't know.
You look very-- insanely sweaty,
and you also have, like...
a little bit of, like,
a "fuck" look in your eye.
- No.
I mean, I'm sweaty, but...
I'm kind of always sweaty,
so...
I think we're good.
- Yeah.
My God.
- I'm so sorry.
What's wrong with...
wait, you look
like something's up.
- No, nothing's up.
I'm actually--
I'm extremely normal
and how I always am.
- You're really clammy,
and you smell like...
animal.
Are you on drugs?
- Nope.
No, mama.
No, mama.
I'm good, mama.
I'm...
I'm-- I'm--
got to be me, mama.
- You "got to be me, mama"?
- Yeah, I got to be me, mama,
so mama's gotta do
what mama-- mama gonna do.
- Okay, well,
Gabe wants to see you.
Mama.
- Could be a fun thing for us.
Hello.!
- Annie, how's it going?
- Hi. Hi.
Hey, I just wanted to check in
and see how the WA-HAM
thing was going.
- Yeah, it's--
it's going great.
Yeah, I'm just still
sort of plugging away at it,
but I really
can't thank you enough.
I feel like you just reached
right in there and, like,
pulled it all out of me
like a tapeworm.
- That's disgusting.
- Yes, well...
I honestly--
I feel closer to you.
I like that.
- You know, tonight,
I'm having this dinner thing
I do once a month.
It's like an intellectual
salon.
- My God.
Yes, I know about them.
They're absolutely legendary.
- All right,
calm down, groupie,
or I'll change my mind,
but John Waters canceled,
and you're second alternate.
- So that means...
- You're in.
Tonight.
7:00 p.m.
Bring a date.
But, you know, Annie,
just be cool,
'cause I don't invite a lot
of people from the office.
- I will be so cool.
I will be so cool,
it's gonna be freakin' coo--
the coolest
you've ever seen me.
I'm second alternate
to John fuckin' Waters.
That's fucking huge, dude.
- Not to brag,
but I've actually
been to three of these things.
- What?
- Yeah.
Gabe realized he didn't have
any black friends,
so he started inviting me.
- God.
- That's the fun
reverse racism.
You feel me?
Okay, well,
what should I expect?
- Int's, like, rich freaks
and fancy art people.
But Sheila Branch
is gonna be at this one.
- Are you kidding me?
- No.
- You're telling me
I'm gonna be at the same party
as "The Thorn's" publishers?
She's like Gabe's Gabe, right?
- Yeah, she's the big boss.
She's actually here 'cause,
they're renegotiating
Gabe's contract.
He's, like, freaking out
that he's gonna lose his job.
- That's crazy.
So she could fire Gabe?
She could set fire to Gabe.
- Are you talking
about Gabe's party?
I'm going, too, you know.
- Di--
so Gabe invited you?
- Yeah, well, working.
Just a little-foods waiter.
What?
- I'm gonna serve the little
foods to the large people.
- Like the cater waiter?
- Yeah. This party's
gonna be nasty cool, right?
Yeah.
- I think I'll probably
not see you guys,
but I'll know--
I'll make sure
you guys get the hottest--
the hottest little stuff.
- See ya.
See ya.
She's gonna fucking kill us,
right?
- I'm just scared
that she's a ghost
that's just haunting
this place,
and only you and I can see her.
- Emily, are you free
next Saturday?
- I have to kiss my cat,
but then, yes.
Why?
- I was thinking that I should
throw myself a huge rager.
Like, in my own honor.
- Yes.
- Yeah,
and it'll be called Fran-Fest.
- Yes, bitch,
fucking Fran-Fest 2K20.
- And I have a crown.
- Yes.
- And I'm gonna
come in on a throne.
- Yes.
- And you have to feed me
grapes.
- That's fancy.
- Okay,
so I want to invite everyone,
but also leave enough people
out so that it feels exclusive.
- Well, then top of the list
is that girl Mary
with the dead tooth.
She can shoot
a little ping pong
out of her little butthole.
Yeah, I wasn't
trying to rush you.
I just don't want to be late
for Gabe's party.
- Yeah,
we just can't stay too long.
I've got Burger League tonight.
- Okay.
- I'm sorry,
did you just say Burger League?
- Yeah.
Whoever eats the most burgers
gets a free burger.
You want to come?
- You know, there was a time
when that question
would've annoyed me,
and now I just feel
happy for you and your bizarre
and simple life.
- Thanks, Fran.
- You know what's cool
is that Burger League
has fallen on
the exact same night
as the biggest networking
opportunity of my career.
- It is very cool.
- Yeah, that happens.
- Yeah, it rocks.
- But it's the finals.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, Annie, it's the finals.
Everyone's gonna be there.
- Yeah, like, Scooter and Puff.
- And Bucko, Pinkeye Ted.
- Dingus.
- Wait, do you actually
know Puff, or no?
Okay, okay, we are gonna
stop by Burger League
after we go to Gabe's,
but our Lyft is almost here,
so bye!
Bye.
- Enjoy Burger League.
Okay, Burger-head
is not invited to Fran-Fest.
- Okay, but Pinkeye Ted
is coming, though.
We are engaged,
so it'd be weird if he didn't.
- I wanted
to get engaged to you.
- It's not too late.
- Try not to be so stressed,
Annie.
Today's a good day.
Remember when
we fucked at work?
- Yeah, I remember.
- I mean,
at the hardware store,
the bathroom was so small,
I couldn't even jerk off in it.
I love this job.
- Yeah, I mean,
I love this job, too,
which is why I feel like
this might have to be
a one-time-only
"fucking at work" experience.
- What, are you serious?
Why?
- Because I just finally got
back on my feet at "The Thorn,"
and Gabe's, you know,
taking me seriously,
and I don't want
to screw it up.
- Okay, you're right.
I'm sorry.
Work is really important
to you, and tonight,
I'm gonna be just
your arm candy,
while you impress the big boss.
- Okay, exactly,
and then we'll have fun,
and we'll go
to the Burger League.
Look who's here.
- Here we go.
- Armando.
I love it.
Wow.
My God.
Calendar Cody's here.
And he's looking damn good
in those wild PJ pants.
He's so cool.
He just winked at me.
He winked at me.
- He definitely did.
He's so cool.
I know.
- Annie, why do I
fucking do this to myself?
- I don't know.
- I invite all of Portland's
biggest snobs
and cuntiest critics,
and I just feel like
they hate it.
Do they hate it?
- I think--
I think people like it.
- Have you seen Sheila?
Is-- is she looking
at me right now?
- I don't know
where she is.
I-- I would say
don't over-think it.
- Annie, you brought
a distro guy as your date?
- Yeah.
Well, he's, um...
- I mean, I'm her boyfriend,
actually.
- I get this.
I get this.
Sheila will think
I'm not a fucking snob
in my ivory tower.
I know all my employees.
I'm a man of the people.
I-- I'm Mother Teresa,
but less of a bitch.
- Yes.
- This is a nice move, Annie.
- Yeah.
- Okay, you guys get out there
and just dazzle
these motherfuckers, okay?
And stay ordinary.
- Okay, I'm gonna go to the bar
and get us a drink,
and then we're gonna go
to Burger League, right?
- Well, maybe not that quick,
but yes.
- Okay, I'm gonna get you
that pink wine.
- Okay, rosé, but yep.
- Hey.
- Gabe is going insane.
You're exactly right.
He's freaking out.
Sorry.
- Hey, Annie, this is Nick.
Nick's probably
the best illustrator
who's ever lived in Portland.
- He did that summer cover
that you like, on your cubicle.
- Wow, wait, that was you?
The dog in the bikini?
That's, like, my favorite cover
we had all year.
- That's my dog.
- What?
- Yeah, Popcorn.
- Wow.
- She was the model
for that one, so...
- So you live
with Popcorn the model?
Sounds kind of intimidating.
- I mean, it's quite a life,
you know?
16-pound model
running around your apartment.
- Yeah.
- Recently ate a dead bird.
- Well, that's my kind of girl.
- I'll hook you guys up.
- Cool.
Yeah.
Maureen.
Maureen, my God.
When I said
subtle aromatic au jus,
was I just jerking myself off?
'Cause this smells like piss.
- Sir, on my honor
as a part-time catering worker,
I can assure you that
there is no urine in that food.
Just...
Hi!
- I'm, like,
settled in for the night.
I wake up mid-flight
fully hallucinating.
The hit's, like,
fully taken hold.
I'm, like...I don't know
what's going on.
I think the flight
attendants are, like,
skeletons coming for me.
- No!
- I'm ready to, like,
jump out of my seat.
Yeah.
- That's my nightmare.
- It was horrifying.
Horrifying.
God.
- Hey, Nick, this is Ryan.
Ryan, Nick.
Sorry, what's your name?
- What's your name?
- Nick.
- Hey, Nick.
Ryan.
- Yeah, you know, um,
Gabe told me to, like, mingle,
and I do want to,
so I really
want to meet Sheila.
That's...
that's Sheila, right?
Yeah,
that's her right over there.
I can introduce you,
if you want.
Kind of makes it easier.
- Really?
Yeah.
I mean, I would love that.
I don't know if I've had enough
wine at this point, but...
- No, she's totally not scary.
I've been working for her
for, like, ten years.
- Yeah,
I'm very star-struck by her.
Would you mind, Amadi,
if I left Ryan with you
for just a minute?
- Yeah, that's cool.
You're good,
right, Ryan?
- Yeah, sure.
Okay.
You know about Alcatraz?
- The prison?
- Yeah, but originally,
it was a military base.
Did you know that?
- I didn't know that.
- Yeah, well, it's true.
- I need to show you something.
You should stay
down here and die.
- Sheila!
- Hi, Chris!
Wait right here.
Perfect.
- Now we're just
gonna have a conversation.
Okay, you're gonna pretend
to talk to me.
- Yeah.
- Don't look back at her.
- Okay.
- Stay right here with me.
- Okay.
- And as soon as she's done
talking to this guy,
we're gonna make our move.
- Okay.
- Don't-- no, no.
- Stay right here.
- I'd love to.
Let's set it up.
- Okay, it's almost time.
Yeah, sure.
Congratulations.
Okay, now laugh.
Okay, let's go.
- Hey, Nick Powell.
I was hoping I'd see you here.
- Sheila,
I want to introduce you
to one of your star employees.
- All right.
- This is Annie Easton.
Hi.
- "Hello, I'm fat."
My God.
That piece blew my mind.
- My God.
You saw that?
- Yes. In fact,
I sent it to my mom, actually.
I mean, that mind prison shit,
that is real.
- Yeah, so real.
God, I honestly
can't believe you read it.
- I mean, of course I read it.
It shattered
our traffic records.
Gabe said you went rogue
when you posted it.
- I-- I did, yeah.
- You know, as your publisher,
I should probably
tell you
you should never do that again.
But we're off the clock,
so fuck it.
- I loved it!
- Wow.
Ma'am, you have to stop.
Like, this is too much
for me to take.
It's so nice.
- She's adorable.
Where'd you find her?
- Well, gulp, gulp, gulp.
But, you know.
- Ta-da!
- Holy shit.
What is this?
- It's a gas mask collection.
I just hung it up.
Some of these date
all the way back
to World War...eight?
Yeah?
Yeah, that sounds right.
- Hey, Ruthie, you live here?
- Yeah, I've lived here
for two years.
This is my room.
Do you like
how I've arranged them?
The ones that had people
die in them most recently
are closest to my bed.
- Yeah, um, that's nice.
It's just,
don't you think it's unusual
that you live
with Tony and Gabe?
- No. I needed a place to stay,
and they needed
a beautiful teen daughter
with huge, rockin' tits.
- Yeah, I'm sorry.
I'm just...
I'm, like, thrown
by this whole arrangement.
- Well, it's weird
you're not thrown
that you have an alcoholic wife
that only fucks you
when you make money.
- Hey, wait.
Ruthie...
Okay, look, hey,
I'm sorry if I offended you.
I wasn't trying
to get you upset.
I'm just asking questions.
- Well, you didn't
get me upset.
But I'm sure your mom's upset,
screaming in hell
because her son fucking sucks
and he's a piece of shit
and he's an asshole.
- Ruthie.
- Have you done any freelance
stuff outside of Portland?
- No.
I mean, I would love to,
but I was doing the calendar
up to, like, two months ago,
so...
- Well, you should.
I mean, you should
get a feel of, you know,
working with a variety
of editors.
Let me know
if you want to pitch something
to one of my other papers.
- My God.
I would love that.
That would be amazing.
I mean, if Gabe's okay with it,
then yeah.
- Hey, Annie,
do you mind if I give you
a piece of advice?
- Of course.
It would be my honor.
- Gabe is truly the best
at what he does.
He's brilliant,
but he's a narcissist,
so it may seem
like he's helping you,
but at the end of the day,
he's looking out for himself.
So you need to look out
for yourself too.
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
Totally.
- So, you know,
as you develop your voice
as a writer--
- Hello, there.
- Hi.
- Just checking on my girl.
- Hey.
- How we doing on time?
- Yeah, good.
Um...
Yeah, Sheila, this is Ryan.
- Hey.
I'm Annie's burger.
I mean, boyfriend.
- Ladies and gentlemen,
dinner is served.
Well, excuse me.
Yeah.
I-- I can't believe
you just touched my ass
in front of Sheila.
And also,
you interrupted something
that was kind of important.
- Okay, sorry.
God.
Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm not trying
to make you feel bad.
I just...
you know, this is almost over,
and then we can go, right?
And now it's time for dinner.
You love dinner.
- I do like dinner.
- Yeah, okay.
- Hey, Annie.
I saw you talking to Sheila.
Did she say anything about me?
- No.
Nothing.
- God damn it.
I didn't want to have to,
but I'm gonna have to do it.
- Do what?
Cody.
- Absolutely.
- Hey, Ruthie,
can we talk real quick?
You want to hook up, don't you?
Well, you should know
I'm married.
- Hey, Ruthie,
I just wanted to apologize
for what I said earlier.
- Okay.
- I should've been
more sensitive.
And I know that Tony and Gabe
are your chosen family.
I should've realized that,
you know,
that things haven't
always been easy for you.
- I-- I get it.
You think because
I'm trans that my family
probably kicked me
out or something.
- Well-- well, yeah.
- Um, I live here because Gabe
and Tony are super fucking rich
and I don't have to pay rent
and they worship me.
- So doesn't have anything
to do with the...
- The trauma porn
that you think my life is?
No, and I think
if it did,
it wouldn't be any
of your business.
- Copy. Yeah.
Well, still, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't
have assumed anything.
- That's okay.
Thank you for apologizing.
I missed.
Well...
Attention,
attention, everyone!
- My gosh.
It's happening.
Come on, come on.
Eyes up here.
Please, attention.
Please, Maureen?
Eyes up here.
Ladies, gentlemen,
honored guests,
I am so honored to bring you
the king of sound,
the lover of my soul...
Gabe! And Cody.
- God.
This is gonna be bad.
- It's too late.
We're already in it.
Just buckle up.
Cody!
- My mind is blown.
- Wow.
I can't-- did you know
that he was gonna do that?
Yeah, he's been
talking about it all week.
- I mean, I was, like, frozen,
but then it really was amazing.
- I feel like he's got
the pipes and he knows it.
- Yes, totally.
- Like, he fully knows it.
- Hey, I'm getting a Lyft,
so I've made
an executive decision.
It's Burger League time.
- Okay.
- Cool, so I'll see you
out there in a few minutes?
- Yeah.
- There he is!
- Wow.
- Been looking for you.
- Amazing.
Nick, this is Calendar Cody.
He's literally
the coolest guy at "The Thorn."
- That is true.
- That's not true.
That's not true.
I'm not that cool.
I'm not the one that's
having sex in the office.
That's what's tight.
That's what's very cool to me.
Yeah.
- What?
Yeah, Angus said
that you and Ryan
got busy in the server room.
They said that the distro guys
were talking about it.
Um...
Yeah, I--
I would never, ever do that.
- Yeah, for sure, right?
Um...
Angus...you know, I'm sure
I misunderstood something.
It's-- that's on me.
That's on me.
- Um, could you excuse me
for one minute?
I'm sorry.
- Did you tell everyone
that we fucked in the office?
- No. Not everyone.
Reggie from distro
just guessed it.
He said it looked like
I just fucked.
I wasn't gonna lie to him,
but I didn't think
he'd tell anyone.
- Why tell anyone anything?
That's private.
That's between us.
- I'm sorry, Annie.
- Now everybody knows,
and if Gabe finds out,
I could get fired.
- Fuck Gabe.
Who cares about him?
I mean, all those people
are just pretentious assholes.
I care.
So you should care too.
I-- I want to be
one of those people.
- Can we just talk
about this in the car, please?
- No.
No, I'm gonna stay.
- Wait, are you serious?
I just spent, like, two hours
at this stupid party for you.
- Okay, well...
I don't know
what you want me to say.
- I don't know
what to say, either.
Sorry.
I'm gonna go.
Hey.
- Everything good?
- Yeah.
I'm good.