Psych (2006–2014): Season 6, Episode 8 - Psych - full transcript

Are you wondering how healthy the food you are eating is? Check it -
Hello, Dad!

What is this, "Do Your Job Half-Assed Day"
at the Santa Barbara Police Department?

We've got serious
business to attend to.

Serious business? You're going to
the opening of a new cupcake store.

No, we're going to a closing
of an old cupcake store.

And then we're going to the
opening of a new cupcake store.

Bring me back red velvet.

Man, just give us our check.


Just to your right.
That's... That's...

Here you go.
Thank you.

I wanna die and come
back as that peach scarf.


I thought you wanted to come
back as the skinny Elvis.

No. You wanted to come
back as skinny Elvis.

I wanted to come back
as black Michael Jackson.

Now you're
downgrading to a scarf?

You know that's right.

We will keep
this report on file.

And if you need absolutely anything else,
please don't hesitate to give me a call.

What's your number?

I was gonna ask you
the same question.

Gus, please, this woman may
have witnessed a crime.

A crime in progress. She's stealing my heart.
But I ain't pressing charges.


I would like to apologize
for my creepy colleague.

No need. I find his
energy very soothing.

Really? Your silhouette
should be on a mud flap.

That's the weirdest flirting
I've ever heard.

Burton Guster, P.I.

My apologies for your traumatic
crime-seeing experience.

Guys, sidebar?


We'll be right back.

Don't go anywhere
near this one.

Why is that?

Because Janis Joplin over there
is crazier than Janis Dickinson.

I mean, this girl's obviously been
doing a little too much of this...

Suffering from hemorrhoid pain?

Doing an inaccurate impression
of Dr. Evil in space?

She claims she witnessed
a murder in an alley

right off of Main Street
at the height of lunch hour.

That is crazy.

No chance of
getting a table after that.

We checked with all
the businesses in the area.

The only weird thing anyone saw
was a girl in a peach scarf

dancing off a Greyhound bus.

So? That doesn't mean
it didn't happen.

Look at the girl. All right,
she's been living in the hills.

She hasn't been down
to the city in five years.

She meditated
during the interview.

The only understandable thing
in the witness statement

was a doodle of
three large circles.

Maybe a snowman did it.

Okay. You've been warned.


I don't know, man. As much as I
like to zig when Lassiter zags,

I'm feeling pretty zaggy.

So what do you say
we hit the museum

of lactose intolerance
like you've been wanting to?

No can do, Shawn.

I feel a case coming on.
And it's coming hard.

That's the creepiest
euphemism of all time.

So, what did the killer
look like exactly?

I don't remember, but it
happened right over there.

Okay. So, you didn't
see the killer.

You barely saw the victim. And you were
the only one looking down the alley.

Wait, no, I do remember
something about the victim.

He had a very heavy presence.

That's good.
It's not great.

Yes, for this
conversation it is.

Oh, oh, I'm getting something.
Gus. Over here.

Excuse me one second.

You think she's making it up?

I don't know, man. I guess
I think she believes it.

The only reason we're
listening to any of this

is because you have
a crush on her.

Since when are you into
granola chicks anyway?

First of all, do not try to
put me in a box.

I'm a complicated man who likes
complicated women. And Brazilians.

Secondly, I've seen you take a case
based on the testimony of a cat.

It was suspicious meowing, not testimony.
Don't be ridiculous.

Trust me, this girl did not
witness a murder.

I've given it some thought,
and I'm willing to reconsider.

You think?
Someone is after her.

No, Shawn. She can't
stay here at my place.

Oh, come on, Jules.

A car zoomed out of nowhere
and almost ran her over.

On the sidewalk?

No. Not exactly.

So, where was she standing?

She was, um...

She was in the area directly
between the two sidewalks.

So, she was in the street.

Only sort of. Did you
get a look at the car?

Yes I did, dark blue sedan. No license plates.
Or, license plates.

Look, I would really like to believe
her, but she's making it very difficult.

And don't think I didn't see Gus doing
that thing that he does with his lip.

This better not be some elaborate
wingman act on your part.

Look, there are consequences on my
part if I intercede at this point.

Especially in my own home.
You should know that.

So take her someplace secure, and
we will check out the blue sedan

and that's all I can
tell you at this point.

All right, we'll go
somewhere else.

Hopefully nothing
terrible happens to us.

All right, I think we
should go pretty far away.

You know, someplace
completely off the map.

That way, at least you'll be safe
while we figure this thing out.

I say we go north.

Can you be a little
more specific?

Fine. South.

Well, if you wanna go off
the map, you can take me home.

I feel that.


Go back inside!
All of you!

Down! Down!

In between the lines
there's a lot of obscurity

I'm not inclined
to resign to maturity

If it's all right
then you're all wrong

But why bounce around
to the same damn song?

You'd rather run
when you can't crawl

I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions tend
to psych you out in the end

I know, you know


It's very nice.
You live on a farm?

No, it's more than a farm.


Gus, we may have a Children of the
Corn situation happening here.

Oh, come on, guys.

Don't you like love?

I like love.

Gus! Gus, drive! Drive!
There are people around!

Plow through them!
They're smiling.

Fine, they'll die happy.
Floor it!

No! Nicole!
Don't be a hero!

Gus! Where you going?
No! Just...


Welcome back, sister.

You two are sisters?

Sure, in that we are all
brothers and sisters here.


All right. So, you're not really sisters.
I mean, you're "sisters."

Cause, uh, I was thrown.

Because there's really no
resemblance between the two of you.


Oh, we were so worried.
We were so worried!

When you didn't return from
the bus station. Oh, God!


You know, when one of us is
gone, the whole balance is off.

I haven't been regular all day, and that's
just not like me at all. Is it? Come here!

Hey! No! No, I'm good.

Oh, no?
I'm... yeah. I'm good.

You should eat some roughage.

I know. Maybe we can
hug it out later.

I'd love to.

So, you guys aren't related to
corn, in any way, shape or form?

Yeah, we like to think of ourselves
as a intentional community.

Living together in peace and
celebrating our shared values

of cooperation, nonviolence,
equality and ecology.

All under the loving guidance
and leadership of Eli.

Welcome back, sister!

I tell you people, I woke up
this morning and right away...

Something wasn't right.
There was a jagged-ness.

Who else felt it?
Come on, now!

Yeah, yeah.
I know this guy did.

I can see a glorious wind has
brought back one of our own.

Eli, I saw something
in the city.

She saw a murder.

Oh, little bird.
My poor, little bird.

I blinked. I flipped.
I was completely useless.

She was brave. And
dreamy, if that matters.

Are these the heroes who
delivered you safely to us?

I'm Burton Guster. I am just a man.
A man who cares.

We think Nicole might be in danger.
We'd like to stay and protect her.

We would?

That's funny, cause
I was under the impression

that this was more
of a drop-off situation.

No. Uh-uh.

See, we have tickets to a
screening of Xanadu at 5:50.

I feel like a eucalyptus tree.

Normally, we don't
take in strangers.


I would feel safer
if they stayed.

Well, a brother of my sister is a brother of mine.
So, welcome, brothers!


Everyone! We have guests!


We've got three simple rules.

Keep your mind open, your heart
pure and your plate full!

I hear that!

I'm afraid I can't abide by these
stifling restrictions. I'm sorry.

Let's eat. Let's eat, huh!
Let's eat. Huh?

Let's eat.

All right. Exactly.

You don't find anything odd
about this whole set-up?

Not really.

That's because
you're too trusting.

It's like that time you bought that
dwarf all those drinks in the ice bar

because he told you
he was a prince.

No, he was a prince in exile,
and he lost his wallet.

I'm telling you, man, there's something
seriously strange about these people.

Like what?

Like, maybe it's a cult.

It's a cult.
Let's eat.

Oh, my God. Thank goodness you're
okay, Shawn, I've been calling.

Well, I guess we were out
of range, what's going on?

Shawn, you were right.
Somebody is after Nicole.

Some lunatic shot at
my house like, an hour ago.

My place is a crime scene.

Holy crap, Jules.
Are you okay?

We're coming back right now.

No, Shawn, I am fine. I wasn't the target.
But I'm pretty sure Nicole was.

We've extended an APB
to surrounding counties.

We haven't heard anything, the
shooter could still be in the area.

Please tell me you are
somewhere out of the way.

Oh, yeah. We're so far off the grid, I
think we're actually back on the grid.

Okay. I will get a protective
order for the girl.

Just keep her safe until Lassiter and
I can figure things out on this end.

Okay? I will send somebody
out there for you soon.

Okay, there's one problem. We
don't really know where we are.


Oh, my God!

I can't believe anyone
would be up at this hour.

Not even animals.

Are we really protecting
a witness in a cult?

It's not a cult, Shawn.

They grow their own food and
make kick-ass hammocks.

You need to open your mind.

Man, you are in complete denial
because you're smitten with Nicole.

Oh, that has nothing
to do with it.

But I do like the girl, though.

All right, all right. Listen to me, man.
I gotta say this.

Look, you know that I am okay
with you doing your thing

and putting a little vibe out there
every once in a while, but...

I think lately things
are getting out of hand.

Oh, no, it's not.

Dude, you gave a necklace to
the FedEx girl last week.

That's because she kept
stopping by for no reason.

She kept stopping by to
deliver our FedEx packages.

All right, fine. Fine.

Maybe I want somebody special in my life, too.
You ever think of that?

And if putting out a slightly
stronger signal is gonna help,

well, that's something
I'm willing to do.

I'm not sure it's helping.

Agree to disagree, Shawn.

I can't move.

Neither can I.

Let's pretend we're dead.

Hey! It's morning ritual down
by the Peace Ash.

So, I brought you
guys some fresh clothes.

We are so there.

"Peace Ash"?


Shawn, why are you whispering?

Because I have to,
okay? I just am.

Such a waste of time.

Shawn, we are standing here
on Nicole's street corner,

and there is
absolutely nothing.

I could really use
your help right now.

Look, I can't just be psychic
on demand. Okay?

Right now, it's all I can do just to
carry the tiger over the mountain.

Come on! Tell your boyfriend goodbye.
Let's go get some pancakes.

Cloud hands!

This place is beautiful.
Isn't it?

I used to be a trust fund kid. Nothing
in the world meant anything to me.

When I signed the pledge of simplicity,
my life suddenly became clear.

I'm finding some clarity
myself and whatnot.

Shawn? Are you even listening?
I mean...

Hey! It's a red light!

What the hell was that?

I don't know, some jackass
just blew through a red light.

But it happened
right over there.

Okay. Look, I'll get on
the psychic thing, all right?

And, let me call you back.

And open, and close!

Excellent. Bring on the day!

I really shouldn't be doing
this, Shawn.

Yeah, well, Dad, I'm desperately trying
to drum up a psychic vision here.

So a little help
would be nice, okay?

Wait. I can totally
see your screen.

Look, I told you
this would work.

I told you how to do it. Two minutes ago
you didn't even think it was possible.

Okay, listen. I need to see any
pictures the traffic cam may have taken

between noon and 12:30.

That's when Nicole claimed
to have seen this murder.

The victim has a face,
a suit and a heavy presence.

You know, it's a real long shot
that a car would blow a light

at the exact moment
your guy was standing there.

Dad, just look.

Otherwise Gus is gonna end up
handing out lunchmeat at airports.

Wait, wait.

This may sound crazy,
but I know this guy.

It's Dan Cooper. This guy's a cop.
He's I.A.

Internal Affairs?

Yeah, that's him, all right.

He's a crusader with a chip on his shoulder.
He's pissed off a lot of cops in his time.

Hey! You're not
supposed to be in here.

I know that, now.
It's a rule. I...

That's the man I saw killed.

All right, check it out.

The guy who got killed was an I.A.
Investigator named Dan Cooper.

I'm guessing whoever killed him was one
of the officers he was investigating,

because as you know, Internal Affairs
isn't very popular with cops.

I have Jules looking into it.

These plums are God's candy.

Okay. If God meant for them to be
candy, then why did he invent candy?

Did you hear what I just said?

I'm trying to do my job.

Your job is to find out who tried
to kill Nicole, not sell apples.

Shawn, you think every
round fruit is an apple.

No, I don't.

Okay. What are these?

Tiny apples.
And those?

Halloween apples.

These berries are green now because
they were just pulled from the vine,

but in a few days, they're gonna
be this bright, beautiful red.

That's... yeah.
Oh! Terrific.

Now you have a beautiful day.

Seems like a lot of
work for 75 cents.

Trust me.

You try rolling calls
to a hundred clients,

explaining why the Plainco fund
is suddenly worth half its value.

Then you tell me
which is more rewarding.

You were a hedge fund manager?

Oh, yeah.
Was a pretty big one.

Yeah, I had a beach house in Antigua,
but none of that buys happiness.

No way. That sounds awful.
Doesn't it, Gus?

Hey, weirdos! How are things
at the freak stand today?

Yeah, you see any
double rainbows?

I will kick
their redneck asses!

No, no, shh, shh.
Brother Gus!

Eli has taught us these kind of
people need our love, not our fists!

We love you!

You love me, huh?

Even if I did this?

Yes, I do.
I don't, just for the record.

I don't love you.

But you, you're pretty
cute, sunshine.

That's it, I'm gonna kill him.

I'm so torn, 'cause I don't want
to be a part of this group,

but I don't wanna be a part
of their group, either.

Ah! Mother of Pete!

One punch, Shawn.

That's all I need is one
punch, come on! Come on!

Okay, buddy, one punch!


Dude, this is like Footloose!

Brawling with townies! That means
I'm Bacon and you're Lori Singer.

Why do I have to be the girl?

'Cause you just swung
like that.

You ready for this, son?
I'm ready for it!

Oh, my God!

Come on, boys.
Let's get out of here!


Shawn! Are you okay?

We know you guys are busy at Internal
Affairs, so thanks for coming.

We'll make this fast, March.
Believe me,

I don't wanna be seen palling around
with the head of Internal Affairs.

That's fine. I don't need to be
seen hanging with Carlton Lassiter.

You don't know me.

Oh, we know you.
Believe me.

Listen, this is regarding one
of your officers, Dan Cooper.

We need to know
who he was investigating.

Why would I tell you that?

Well, because we have reason to believe
that one of them may have just killed him.

I talked to Cooper yesterday.

What evidence do you have?

Well, to be honest,
our evidence is a little hazy.

Purple hazy.

Oh, okay. Well, when it
becomes a little less hazy,

call me.
I'll check on Cooper.

Until then, I'm not disclosing
who he was investigating.

You listen to me, you little snitch!
We're trying to help this...


Look, if there's
anything you can tell us.

Look, Cooper chased paper trails.
Professional standards.

That's not the kind of stuff
that makes real enemies.

As for you, Detective,
we'll be watching.

Please, you don't have
anything on me.

In '04, you discharged your
weapon at a circus. Twice.

Last year you put an 86 year-old
shoplifter in full body restraints.

That old lady
was feisty as hell.

And I've got the denture
marks to prove it, bub!

Oh, no...

What else? What else you got?
What else you got?

Are you nervous?

No, you're not making me nervous at all.
Am I making you nervous?

Hey! What's with
all the angry texts?

You blew your cover!
You're at a hippie farm?

How do you know that?
Box Canyon.

We got a report on the wire

that you two got into a physical
altercation with some of the locals.

What is that ridiculous sound?

That's my washboard, Jules.
I'm washing my bloomers.

Actually, they're not mine,
per se. They're Dot's.

Truth be told, they're
community bloomers.

These panties are owned
by the collective as a whole.

Clearly, Eli is out
of original ideas.

Look, you guys are vulnerable.

The person looking for Nicole could
know that you and Gus are with her.

Well, we don't know that
for sure, Jules.

Look, do you have any good news for
me, or just doom and gloom stuff?

Doom and gloom.

We hit a dead end at I.A. With your guy Cooper.
He's small-time.

Evidence-related paperwork.
Logging and inventory.

Wait, like, evidence inventory?

Yeah, why?

Bring me back red velvet.

That guy wasn't half-assing his job.
He didn't sign on purpose.

I'm getting something.
Pierce. Officer Pierce.

I think that may be the cop
that Cooper was investigating.

Okay, well,
I will check it out.

Until then, I need you to lay low. And
make sure that Gus does the same thing.

Yeah, I will do. As soon as I
figure out where he is.

Hi, Shawn! Hi!

That's creepy.

Nice house, Eli.

Creepy family, but nice house.

Hello, Sister Nicole.

Brother Gus, may I speak with you gently
but sternly outside on the porch?

Sure, Brother Shawn.

Gus, what the hell
is wrong with you?

Brother Shawn, don't come at
me with anger in your voice.

Hey. Kill the
"Brothers" thing!

You were using them.
Yeah, as a joke.

You're using them for real.
I use them all the time.

Because you're a black guy.

You know what Eli says?

That's anger from previous
lives that was never set free.

What are you talking about?

It makes sense. Clean living
with higher thinking, Shawn.

I think they've found
a higher way of living.

Okay, stop it.
Just... You stop it.

You have been sucked
into this thing

because Nicole is pretty
in a Kate Hudson

from Almost Famous
sort of way, and you're you.


Don't be jealous, Shawn.
You know what they say,

love is abounding
and is for everyone.

True, Nicole is beautiful, but she
is merely a vessel for that love.


And true, that vessel
is smoking hot

and sometimes bathes
in an outdoor shower...

Really? Yes, but we cannot
possess love, Shawn.

That kiss was not just between her and me.
It was with everyone.

Right, I would leave you here,

but I owe it to your parents
to see this thing through.


I appreciate this talk, Shawn,

but it's time to get transcendental
and rejoice in the wonder of the day.



You were right, Shawn.
It was Pierce.

We caught him in possession of
drugs stolen from evidence.

No kidding.

Yeah, we got him to cop to it.

He tried to make a run for it,
but now he's in custody.

He's been doing this for
months now, working alone.

Lassiter's confident
we can get him to confess

to the murder of Dan Cooper
and lead us to the body.

Yes! Jules! This is amazing!

It means I can get
the hell out of this place,

and that Gus isn't gonna end up robbing
a bank in a beret with a machine gun.


Hello? Hello?

Hey, buddy? Gus? Come on.
We're out of here.

Don't bother me, Shawn.
My aura shield is up,

which means my prana vayu and my apana
vayu are in the midst of harmonizing.

Correction, were in
the midst of harmonizing.

My bad.
That's my bad, clearly.

I just wanted to
apologize for earlier,

and tell you that I too could
use some harmony. So...

Why don't we rendezvous
at the Peace Ash

and reconnect with our,
uh, Shoshanna Lonsteins?

I do love me some Peace Ash.


That's what
I'm talking about...

Hey, Nicole. Bye, Nicole.

Let's go.

I'm pretty sure the Peace Ash
is back the other way, Shawn.

Yeah, well,
I'm taking a short cut.

Doesn't seem like
a short cut to me.

That's because it's a short
cut the heck out of here.

Gimme that ridiculous thing!

What are you doing?
I'm going home, Gus.

You tricked me.

Hey, isn't that the same car
that tried to run down Nicole?

Yes, but it doesn't make any
sense. Pierce is in custody.

That means Pierce
isn't the killer.

And the killer just got here.

Nicole! Nicole! Nicole!

What are you doing, trying to summon
every Nicole within 50 miles?

One of you gonna
hand me a towel?

She seems fine.

I'll get it.

Oh, good, you made it.

We got here as soon as we could.
Thank you.

Great directions, Spencer.

If it wasn't for the fetid
stench of unwashed hippie pits,

we might never have
found this place at all.

We are not hippies, sir. We enjoy
the serenity of isolation.

And I welcome you. I'm Eli.
You may call me Eli.

This is what our troops have
been fighting to protect?

The right not
to wear brassieres?

You like what you see, Slim?

Back off, Squeaky Fromme.

Spencer, where's this car
you were talking about?

I don't want to spend one more second
with these do-nothings than I have to.

ELl: We're hardly
"do nothings."

These are some of the
most successful members

of your malfunctioning society come together.
And this is a fully operational farm.

Oh, I'll bet it is, Cheech.

How about I bring some pals down from
the DEA and we help with the harvest?

Shame! Shame!

If we're all done
making friends here,

why don't I stay with Nicole and
you guys go check out the car?


Why, thank you.

Love. Love. Come here.
Come here, come. Come.

Please be careful. The
killer's here, somewhere. Gus.

Love, love, love...

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Love, love, love...

No plates, no registration.

We'll have to run
the VIN by the DMV.

Gus, check out the tiny apples.

The berries are green now because
they were just pulled from the vine,

but in a few days, they're gonna
be this bright, beautiful red.

Ripe and ready to eat.

That means the killer didn't just get here.
He's been here the whole time.

Eli, I'm gonna need to interrogate
your entire herd of weirdos.

You're gonna treat us
all like criminals?

There is your problem, sir.
Come with me.

I have a much more
effective ceremony

which all my brothers and sisters
gather in the barn and speak the truth.

Dare I even ask what you call this
flowery gathering of nonsense?

The Barn of Truth.

Okay. I know we don't
do this very often,

but sometimes we need to purge ourselves
of our secrets, maybe some lies.

So let's keep it loose, speak
freely, get it all out in the open,

and then get together for a community hug
and send these outsiders on their way.

Milosh, my man, the gourd
of transparency please.

This is your left shoe, Milosh.
The gourd. I need the gourd.



Thank you.

Remember, if you want the
floor, you must hold the gourd.

Now, who'd like to get
something off their chest?

I do.

Of course.

This is beyond ridiculous.

Thank you. Hi.

I've had a series of
deliciously impure dreams

where I'm dumping out cold
butter, sugar, raw eggs, flour

and chocolate chips all over
the exposed body of that man.

This is a rough moment for me.

We have a history.
That's not...

He washed my bloomers.

Okay. They were
community bloomers.

I told you that on the phone.

And I was assigned
those bloomers.

It was a work
assignment from Eli.

They were so clean!

Okay. That was great.
Thank you.

Thank you, thank you very much.
Okay, very good.

Anyone else?

I'd like to give...
Can I have a go?

Do what you want.


I have to tell them
the truth, Nicole.

When you went to Santa Barbara,

I know you weren't going shopping
for bobbins the other day.

I know you were
going to see a man.

Okay. Well, actually,
it wasn't like that at all.

We exchanged notes.
But we never actually met.

I got there, I got there
half an hour early,

and then I saw that terrible thing
happen so, we never even met.

Yeah, I know that she went to the computer.
I read her e-mails.

Okay, well, all he wants...
So, she's a constant...

No, actually, I have the gourd.
All he wanted to do was talk.

Oh? Really? Give me
the damn gourd.

was simply gonna drive into the
city to chat it up in an alley.

The truth. Okay. Okay.
Of course!

Okay? Truth? Truth? The truth is maybe
I do miss the outside world. Okay?

But all he wanted to do was ask me
questions about this place, that's it,

if you really need to know.
Okay? It's not a big deal.

Okay, okay.
I'll tell you what he wanted.

What he wanted was to walk
hand in hand with you...

with each other's hands
Okay, okay.

In your back pockets. That's
what he was looking for.

That's great.

I have the gourd.
I don't even...

I have the gourd.
Okay. Thanks, that's great.

Maybe when we get two gourds
we can work that out.

That was really interesting.
Thank you for that.

Really putting it all
out on the table.

You went to meet a man
but didn't. We move on.

Wait a minute.
That e-mail address...

Hold up, if you want to speak,
you have to score the gourd.

You're kidding, right?

I never kid.

You shut up.

That e-mail address,

it belonged to Dan Cooper. I saw
it in his Internal Affairs file.

That means the man that Nicole went to
visit is the same man that she saw killed.

What? No.
No, that's not possible.

He never said anything about being
a police officer! He didn't.

So upsetting...

Dead man was a cop.

I had no idea! You have to believe me!
He found my Facebook page.

Really? That's funny. I thought you
guys didn't have stuff like that.

We don't.
It's sort of a secret.

Did you change your
relationship status?

Cooper was his name.

He reached out to me. He said he
had questions about my life here,

like maybe he was looking for
something missing in his life.

I understood that. You know,
he was sweet, like Burton.

That's how I do it.

He never sent me
a photo of himself.

We set up a place to meet,
he said he would find me.

Then I saw the murder
and I fled.

I never thought it was the same
person, that's the truth. I swear it.

Why didn't you tell
anyone about this?

Because it's complicated. People
might get the wrong idea.


I know that she went to the computer.
I read her e-mails.

You're pretty cute, sunshine.

I'm getting something.
I sense that you and Geoff

have a previous relationship.

Yes, we were married.
He's my ex-husband.

She was married.

I just heard "were" and "ex".

I left him two years ago and I moved on.
He never did.

I'm also sensing that he is jealous
enough to have followed you into the city

and murder the man he
suspected you were seeing.

I think I know where we're going next.
Where's Geoff's hut?

Oh, hi. What do you want?

You got any problem with us
searching your hovel?

No, not at all. Please.
Why would I?

Well then, step aside, Gandhi!

Oh, vision of darkness! Shed
some light on the dark shed!

Check the shed.

Keep your eyes on him.
Oh, boy...

Can I get anything for you?
No, not you. No.

Stay there.

That's Cooper.

Please, this is a horrible

You little tree humpers
are all the same, aren't you?

You profess to be saving
the world, but deep down,

you're all just a bunch
of freedom-hating murderers.

Gah! I like freedom!

Get your feet off the seat!

So, Geoff killed Cooper just because
he thought he was seeing his ex-wife?

Well, the heart can make you
believe some pretty crazy things.

Isn't that right, Gus?

Brother Shawn,
for the last time,

my support for this community
has nothing to do with Nicole.

Who's that, Cooper's wife?

No, Cooper was single.

I'm sensing this woman
used to live here.

Her name is Cynthia Cooper.

We were the first women to join
this community about 15 years ago.

We were like sisters.

What happened?

Six years back, she woke up
and decided she had enough.

I guess she missed her family and
her luxuries of the old life.

Why are we still talking to these stinky flag burners?
We've already got the bad guy.

Carlton, really? What do
you mean, the old life?

She was a promising ob-gyn.

I was a hedge fund manager.
A pretty big one.

I used to be a trust fund kid.

Where is Cynthia now?

I've been searching
for her myself.

But, last I heard, she was living in a trailer
park and had become mentally unstable.

All right, I'm getting
something here.

But I'm gonna need you guys
to make some phone calls.

You're so very close
to me, it's...


Your empathy transports
should be well tonified.

Now, for our next exercise,
you're going to need a partner.

Who'd like to be mine?

Me! Me,
I wanna be your partner!

All right.

But first, I'd like to try
a little exercise of my own.

It's called raise your hand

if you're a swindling crook
pretending to be a spiritual leader.

What are you talking about?

Let me ask you all a question.

Who here, other than Milosh,

wasn't making a ton of dough
before joining this community?


You actually joined
this freak show?

No, but I ain't mad
at the idea of it.

Of course everyone here was wealthy.
Why do you think they came to me?

Wealth creates unhappiness.

Did they really just come
to you, Eli? Really?

Upon arrival, you all signed
this piece of paper, correct?

Well, yeah.
It's a pledge of simplicity.

Right. It's a carefully worded document
that gives Eli here power of attorney.

Which means he now owns everything
that used to belong to you.

Don't listen to him. He's a
slave to his own cynicism.

I'm a slave to love, Jack.
And fashion.

And movies where dogs cover their eyes
when couples get intimate around them.

Nicole, that man you went to meet that day?
His name was Dan Cooper.

He was a cop, and he was murdered
by Eli, not your ex-husband.

Cooper was the one guy that
knew what Eli was up to.

His sister, Cynthia Cooper,
used to live here for years.

It's true. She was here
before all your time.

But then she left, and she discovered
she was ruined and was never the same.

And that is when Cooper decided

to start building a case
against the man responsible.

He's right. We confirmed
it with his boss.

That's why Cooper reached out to you,
Nicole, pretending to be a lost soul.

You mean, all he wanted was
information about the commune?

That's correct. Though,
if he'd actually met you,

I suspect he would've have
wanted much, much more.

Eli did his homework.

He knew that
Cooper was on to him,

so he tracked him down
and killed him in cold blood.

The one thing he
wasn't expecting

was you, Nicole,
witnessing the whole thing.

That was a hell of a surprise,
so he had to act fast.

He thought he had you, but
then he was blindsided again.

Although your esteemed
leader did catch one break.

Nicole didn't get a good enough
look to know it was him.

And when she returned,
he knew his secret was safe.

This is total insanity.
Look at how I live.

What would I do with all this
wealth you think that I'm stealing?

I don't know,
flee the country perhaps?

You applied for a
U.S. Passport last Tuesday.

So? How do you know
that, by the way?

You're not the only one around
here who sees things, Brother.

He was planning on taking all
the stuff he stole from you

and fleeing to
beautiful Antigua,

to live in the house that he
now owns courtesy of Geoff.

Eli, is this true?

Of course not, Milosh.


I devoted my life to you!

Should I shoot him in the leg?

No, Dot's got mad wheels.


Shawn? Why am I wearing
mala beads around my neck?

'Cause you're a fool.

Are you ever gonna let
me forget about this?

No, I'm not.

That's gonna leave a mark.

That's for believing me.

And that's for saving my life.
I'm gonna miss you.

Miss me? What do you mean?

I'm off to India.

What? For how long?

Well, I kind of bought
a one way ticket.

I just had the most amazing idea!
Come with me.

What would we do in India?

We'll meditate, align our chakras,
get in touch with our inner light.

Oh, and you'll get to meet Rama Murthi.
He's incredible.

Who's Rama Murthi?
He's incredible.

You said that already.

The three of us will bask in golden
light and liberate our inhibitions.


Are you crazy?

Love will abound, Gus.

My love doesn't
abound like that.

But it can.
But it won't.

How about I check you
when you get back?

I'll look forward to that.

This is an awfully long way to
come for a piece of fruit, Shawn.

You'll soon understand, Jules.

I saw how tirelessly you
worked to make sure that

these people got everything
back that was stolen from them.

So, what does that have to...

So, you get your reward.

Oh, my God.

Hi, Shawn.
Ahh! Dot!


I just wanted to
thank you for everything.

I haven't dreamed like
that in years.

Okay, all right, let's...

You are a very lucky lady, indeed.
That's my chest. That's...

How are you, Dot?
Pretty damn good.

Since I got my money back, Geoff and
I are planning on buying this place.

Get out of here! That's great.


I owe you one, big guy.

Oh, hey!

Come here.

Ah, hey!
Didn't get quite enough.

Jules? Jules?

I know, you know
That I'm not telling the truth

I know, you know
They just don't have any proof

Embrace the deception
Learn how to bend

Your worst inhibitions tend
to psych you out in the end

I know, you know