Pørni (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - In the best interest of the child - full transcript

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You've reached Anne.

Please send an SMS
and don't leave a message,

because I won't listen to it anyway.
I'll call back as soon as possible.

Hi, Anne.

I'm at the hospital with dad.

You should be here now.

Fuck you for not being here.

Sorry.

I didn't mean it.

I just wish you were here with me.

I really miss you.



What are they thinking?

That people with bad prognoses
love cars?

Or knitting?

Hey! Are you interested in knitting?

Dad...

Hey...

I've read about this treatment
in Germany.

-We could talk to the doctor...
-Don't talk to me like I'm a client.

Don't you think I've spoken
with old colleagues?

I know what kind of prognosis I have.

Sorry.

I HOPE YOUR FUCKING FAMILY DIES
IN A FIRE, YOU CUNT

-Ole Johan Middelthon?
-Yes.

Goddamn fucking shit...



-Don't get upset.
-Of course I'm upset!

We thought you were dying,
and then they just...

System failures can occur
your job as well.

I'm just thinking about the guy
who thought he was healthy.

Right now, he's getting
a call telling him he has...

an incurable brain tumor.

I've been lying awake a lot lately.
At night.

I've thought a lot
and been really scared.

And then I get my life back from that
idiot doctor who mixed up the tests.

For six months I've been thinking
about what happened to Anne.

How short and brutal life is.

I mean, I've had a great life.
Really.

But I want to be honest
with myself

and those around me
in the time I have left.

Okay.

-No, why did you do that?
-Do you have to talk to Finn?

He has to invite the kids
to Copenhagen himself.

Right. Why should you pay
for the tickets and book everything?

He's their father,
and he should do it himself.

It's bad enough
that he lives in Copenhagen.

They don't need to know
that he's an idiot as well.

They're going to realize it
sooner or later.

-Let it be later, then.
-Pernille...

I really loved your mom,

and I'm happy
for the time we got together.

But the thing is...

I'm gay.

-Are you?
-Yes.

Oh my God, Dad. That's great.

Congratulations.
Or what should I say?

Congratulations?

Yes, that's nice.

-Thank you so much.
-Oh, Dad...

Oh my God.

You know what?
I need to move my body.

Could you drive me up
to Sognsvann?

Yes, of course.

Is that why you spend
so much time at Sognsvann?

To meet guys?

I take walks in the woods every
single day. I'm an outdoorsman.

Sorry. I know.

You could write "healthy, outdoorsy
and gay" in your dating profile.

"Healthy, outdoorsy and gay"?

SUCK IT UP

I'm in a completely
different place now.

My sister... My lawyer,
I mean, she says

that everything is in place for me
to take back custody of Linnea

pretty soon.

First we'll look at the possibility
of spending time

with Linnea without supervision.

Our main concern
is what's best for the child.

I have to take this.

-Sorry. I'm on call.
-It's fine.

We have to say something.
It's humiliating and embarrassing.

It's not embarrassing.
You can't use that word.

You're here to observe,
not moralize. Okay?

I just don't get how
she can function at work.

She's unbalanced, obviously,

but we need to see if she realizes it
herself first, and how she'll react.

We'll address the matter
of the pants later.

I'm sorry. I had to give
a second opinion on a patient.

-You want coffee, right?
-Yes, please. Thank you.

Martine?

Can you tell us what you think about
the help you've been offered?

Would you like milk in your coffee?

No, thank you. I'll take it black.

I'll have mine black too.
Thank you.

You're welcome.

Would you mind driving?
My knees are hurting.

-Sure thing, boss.
-Thanks.

" Grown-up for a day.

I woke up with my knees hurting.
Grown-ups' knees usually hurt.

Then I heard a baby scream. Damn.

I walked to the crib and looked
down at an unhappy baby.

I didn't know how to breastfeed,
so I let it drink from the carton.

There was a man lying in my bed.
How could I have married him?

I couldn't take it anymore.
I told him I'm breaking up.

I packed his stuff, threw him out
and patted my baby's head.

Being single fits me so much better.

Then I treated all the girls in
my class to a pastry from the bakery.

All the boys in my class
had become criminals.

The boys wanted to ride in my
convertible, but I said, 'No way!'"

-Should I read the rest?
-That's okay.

It's really good.
You're very imaginative.

Do you want to go out for a bit,
so I can talk to your mom? Thank you.

I understand it's been
a tough year for you.

Are things going well with
your nephew's school change?

As well as can be expected, I guess.

Sorry for being so direct,
but I've lost a sister myself,

and I feel it's better
to ask directly.

That's absolutely fine.

Leo is living with us now
while his father's in rehab,

but I think we're managing well.

But it doesn't seem
like Sigrid is doing so well.

She often leaves class and goes
to the library or the school nurse

-because she's so sad.
-Okay.

She's angry because she had to change
bedrooms and stuff like that,

but I'm not under the impression
that she's sad.

No...

Could this be a case
of the cobbler's children?

Since you work
with such difficult issues,

it can be easy
to trivialize your own.

-You might be right.
-Yeah?

I'll talk to her.

That's great.
That's all I wanted to say.

-Thanks for coffee.
-Thanks for coming.

Did you hurt yourself?

It's just my knee.
I'm getting a surgery.

I'm sure it'll be fine.

This might be a bit direct,

but I have two tickets
to Father John Misty this Friday.

Would you like to go with me?

That's nice.

I'll check my calendar and see
if I can get a babysitter.

I'll text you.

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Watch out for Hans Petter. He had sex
with Sylvi's mother from the B class.

Okay.

And he ate breakfast at Harald's,

and Vilde said both her parents
got chlamydia from him.

That's not good.
It can make you sterile.

To be honest, I don't mind
if I don't get any more kids.

That would suit me just fine.
Tie your shoelace.

Couldn't you ride the bike home?

Isn't the point of the bicycle
to get some exercise,

since the Sats Elixia membership
I'm paying for is a complete waste?

Don't say Sats Elixia
when it's called Sats.

And don't say "exercise."

I can't stand those uphills.

And you owe me money.
Four thousand.

Have you noticed if Sigrid is sad
about what happened to Anne?

Her teacher says she runs out
of class because she's sad.

What did you say? Four thousand?

For a secondhand bike?
Isn't the whole point to pay less?

Why would you spend so much on a bike
when you're going to Argentina?

It's not coming
from my Argentina budget.

Really? What budget
is it coming from?

You're such a cheapskate.
You live for free in Grandpa's house

but won't give your kids a bike?

People shouldn't spoil their children
just because they can.

You don't want to be like Celine,

who got an apartment from her dad
for her 18th birthday.

I'm nothing like Celine.
That has to do with personality, too.

Yeah, you have
a really charming personality.

Sigrid's not sad. That's just
something we say to skip class.

Sigrid. Your phone is charged.
Can I get mine back?

I'll just send a picture.

Can we talk about why
you run out of class

because you're sad about aunt Anne?

I'm not sad about aunt Anne.

Well, I am, but I'm mostly sad
because Leo lives with us.

He takes up so much space,
and he's a boy, and he's annoying.

Hanna, how do I get Vegar Harm
to add me on Snapchat?

Sigrid, give me my phone.

-It's from "The Baseball Bat Case."
-Don't read it.

"I'll cut your cunt
with a dull pair of scissors."

-Why would they do that?
-They won't.

You know I work with people
who can get a little upset at times.

Everyone hates
the Child Welfare Services.

That's not true.

Many people are satisfied, but you
never read about those who get help.

You shouldn't skip class
and say it's because you're sad

when you're actually just mad
because Leo got your room.

Dad called and invited us
to Copenhagen this weekend.

Good. Sigrid?

We're going to a cool restaurant.
Gorilla in the Meat District.

Cool. Sigrid.

Why don't we ever do cool stuff
like that with you?

Can I get my phone?

Shouldn't you use a knife instead
of scissors to cut people?

By the way, I told Grandpa
you could drive him.

He wants to go clothes shopping.

Why did you say that?
I have to make dinner.

Can't we just eat a bit later?

You should be nice to your father.

He bought you a car
and doesn't even have a license.

Pørni's mad because someone wants
to cut her cunt with dull scissors.

Okay.

Have you told the kids
that I'm gay yet?

No, not yet. I thought it would
be good if Leo was there, too.

I don't think there's any point
in waiting.

FROM HANS PETTER:
WHAT DO YOU SAY?

I don't know
if this looks good on me.

It's really nice.
It looks great on you. Take it.

WAITING FOR A REPLY
FROM THE BABYSITTER

-Who are you texting?
-No one.

FROM HANS PETTER: WE CAN PLAY
"I'VE NEVER" AT MY PLACE AFTER.

THE BABYSITTER SAID NO. SORRY!

But...

What about this one?

I think the other one was nicer.

Nicer?

I've had nice shirts for 71 years.
I'll take this one.

Buy both, then.

There.

-Turn signal.
-Yes.

Just pull it. It's automatic.

Stop!

Slow on the gas.

Slow. Not that slow. Don't...

You have to use the turn signal
when entering a roundabout.

Otherwise, you'll fail
the driver's test.

Maybe.

But it's very unconstructive

to yell at the driving student.
My driving instructor says so.

He's got two sets of pedals.
It's a bit different.

Would you like some wine?

I think I have to drive
Sigrid later, so no.

Sigrid? She can take the bus!

Here you go.

Thanks.

FROM FINN: CAN THE GIRLS BRING
SLEEPING BAGS,

SO WE DON'T HAVE TO WASH BED LINEN?

-I want to change my name.
-Okay.

-To Baldwin.
-Why?

I've always been fond
of Alec Baldwin.

I see. Go ahead, then.

You're crazy.
How are you going to do that?

Register it in the National
Population Register?

Baldwin Middelthon?

I'm just trying to reclaim
some lost youth.

Okay.

-Hi.
-Wow!

-Cool shirt.
-Okay.

Your dad called me today
and asked if you could call him.

He wants to talk to you.
Could you do that?

A'ight.

...won't listen to it anyway.
I'll call back as soon as possible.

Hi.

Dad isn't sick after all.

Jesus Christ. The hospital fucked up.

I was so mad. You would've been
really embarrassed over me.

Dad came out of the closet.
In the car, on the way home.

But you've always said he was gay.

Leo's still very quiet,

and I don't know anything
about raising boys.

He still won't talk to Charlie.

I don't know. Maybe he needs
more time, you know?

That's it, I guess.

If you don't stop feeding
the wild cats,

the property value will decrease.

Are you mad because
you bought that shirt?

We can go and return it,
but without any driving practice.

Okay. I'll be down in five.

We will take this
to county authorities.

I will also emphasize
the formal errors in that complaint.

Absolutely. And we will assess
custody issues on an ongoing basis.

Good.

Right. Thank you.

Thank you.

Formal errors, my ass, Yngvar!
It's one incorrect date.

You have to be accountable.

-Do you want to drive me home?
-Yes.

You're destroying families.
You know that, right?

My sister has agreed
to all voluntary measures.

There's no reason she shouldn't
have contact without supervision.

-I hope you sleep well at night.
-Do you?

Do you think that your sister has
shown adequate behavioral changes?

Last time we came on a home visit,
she wasn't wearing pants.

Linnea's a well-adjusted child.

She's well-behaved, and I've never
heard her complain about anything.

Well-adjusted children are angry,

disgusting, gross
and don't do what they are told.

You know nothing about
how a traumatized child behaves.

-You should...
-Hey.

Will you drive me home?

I'm so glad
I have disgusting children.

What are yours like?

You mean the twins?
They're not disgusting yet.

-They'll get there.
-I hope so.

Would you like to come up?

For a coffee?

-Now?
-Maj-Lis has the twins.

And we haven't talked
about what happened at Parkteatret.

Nothing much happened at Parkteatret.

No, but I don't usually
make out with colleagues.

-You don't?
-No, I don't.

And I don't want things
to be weird between us.

Things won't be weird between us.

No? Come in for some coffee, then.

I'm just thinking that you have
the twins, and I have lots of kids.

There's so much going on.

It's not a situation
that screams "standing 69."

I actually meant coffee.

But I could have squeezed in
a standing 69, too.

It's a difficult position.

-Really?
-I think so.

-Let me know if you change your mind.
-See you.

Sigrid, could you please come here?

How was your day, Leo?

Leo?

How was your day?

Fine. The teacher stopped
calling me Leon.

-That's good.
-Coming.

You're a snail.
Don't you hate being late?

Yeah.

But someone peed on the toilet seat,
and I had to clean it up.

Take a yogurt if you're hungry
before practice.

You have to pick them up
at the airport.

They haven't visited you
since you moved, right?

I'll take a cab, then.

-Yes.
-It's a bit extravagant, but...

Sigrid, do you want to talk to Dad?

Hello? Sigrid?

Hey, Dad! I almost scored,
and I had two assists.

That's great, honey.
Maybe you're the next Camilla Herrem.

-I'm looking forward to seeing you.
-Me too. Bye!

Bye.

Does dad think I play handball?

He probably just misspoke.
Can you hold this?

I have to take a pill.

-Can I have one of those?
-Are you crazy? They're drugs.

-Have you started doing drugs?
-No, it's for my knee, you idiot.

I'm having surgery on my knee
next week, right? You remember?

You have to get someone else
to drive you.

Yes, yes, yes. "Me, me, me."

"I bought you a present.
Newly sharpened and ready to use."

That's nice. So you don't just
get messages about dull scissors.

No, that was nice.

Sigrid! Can you get the door?
It's Lara.

-Can we make muffins, please?
-Yes. After dinner.

And you'll clean up after, right?
I don't want a messy kitchen.

Did you know that Shawn Mendes never
says no to a selfie? That's his rule.

Cool. Is he an actor?

Stay relevant, Pørni.

-The door's open.
-Lara, come.

-Hey!
-Hey. Finally.

Wow. It's so tidy.

I can't start the weekend
with a messy house.

Right.

But hey, how lucky am I that
Lara's sleeping over here tonight?

Okay?

I've been invited to a concert.
With someone named Father John Misty.

And you'll never guess
who invited me.

Hans Petter.

The teacher.

-Don't tell the kids.
-No, of course not.

You know what?

I don't give a fuck
that he's 28 or whatever.

Since Lasse finally moved out,

I'll be helping myself
to multiple servings from the buffet.

-And so will you.
-No, I won't.

No, that's right.

You're having a quiet night at home,
as usual.

Thank God.

Hey.

Would you like to see the draft for
the poster for the spring concert?

-I'd love to.
-Look at this.

There.

You're good. You should work
with that kind of stuff.

Is it called "Of Course It Hurts
when Buds Break"?

Isn't that stupid?

Annicken recites that poem first.

People should want
to go to the concert.

-Hi.
-Hi.

-Hi, Tellef.
-Hi, Pørni.

Hi, you.

-And Martin, too.
-Cool pants.

Thank you.

-Hey.
-Hi, girl.

How's your mom?

She's fine.
She's home on leave right now.

Let me know when you leave.
I have a book for her.

Sure.

I can have friends over.
Don't give me that look.

I'm not, but I would appreciate
knowing in advance.

-It's lame not having enough pizza.
-Don't say "lame."

Can't you just order more?

-Pizzabakeren is better than Peppes.
-Okay.

No wonder you never get laid.

You're running
a full-time youth club.

-Okay. Bye.
-Bye.

-Have fun.
-You too.

Just promise me one thing.

Use a condom.

-What?
-You never know.

Even if he's a teacher
with a hipster beard.

-Bye!
-Bye. Have fun.

Hey, you.

Dad called. He said you won't answer
the phone when he's calling.

-I don't want to talk to him.
-I get that you're pissed,

but you really should speak with him
before the confirmation.

Why are you protecting him?
He killed your sister.

No, it was a road accident.

Do I have to take care of a guy
in a wheelchair and feel bad for him?

No. I don't know,
but we have need a plan,

and we have to involve Charlie.

Leo.

You've reached Anne.

Please send an SMS
and don't leave a message,

because I won't listen to it anyway.
I'll call back as soon as possible.

Hi.

I just don't know what to do
about Leo.

He's pissed at Charlie.

They haven't talked since you...

And it's not like I can
make him, either.

Jesus!

-You scared me!
-I'm the one who should be scared!

You went to the garage, closed
the door and didn't come back.

Give me a break. I don't have plans
to kill myself just yet.

I'm just zoning out.

You locked yourself in the bathroom
when Anne and I were kids.

When we were exhausting.

I wasn't the exhausting one,
but when Anne was nagging and...

Anne didn't nag.

No, she was just a bit eager
and loved life.

I miss her.

So do I. Every day.

Why didn't you tell us anything?

About how you were doing?
We would have handled it.

Maybe I couldn't handle it.

It's hard to admit to others what
you haven't admitted to yourself.

And I can always hope love
will come my way,

in the autumn of my life.

I got this
from my driving instructor.

It's just weed.

Nothing scary.

I invited him out, and he said yes.
Stephen, the driving instructor.

Do you have to go full-on Woodstock
because you got the gift of life?

He said it puts you in a good mood.

Maybe it will help your knee.
It's just the thing for zoning out.

Can't you do that at your place?

You have such great speakers
down here,

and Stephen says that listening
to music while smoking a joint

is really chill.

Yes, he says "chill"
because he's younger than me.

That's no big deal.
We're both adults.

Sure. Just...

-Can you turn on the fan, at least?
-Yeah.

So, any questions?
Anything you're wondering about?

The passports are in Hanna's
backpack. Anything else?

-Why does the car smell like hashish?
-It's not hashish, it's weed.

-Any questions about Grandpa?
-Yes.

I have to go with you to the airport
not because Grandpa's sick,

but because he's gay?

We knew that.

Didn't you? I figured it out when
he joined the Conservative Party.

I've had my suspicions, but I thought

that you're not gay
before you say you are.

If you don't have any questions,
I won't make a big deal out of this.

You make big deals
out of everything.

"Big Deal" is your middle name.

Sigrid...

Dad was really sorry, okay?

But when Iben's depressed,
she can't handle a lot of commotion.

Iben's a fuck-face.

Iben is sick.

If he prefers a sick bitch to you,
I guess you're the fuck-face.

Can I have some Oreos?

I get that you're really
disappointed right now,

but you can't call
your mother a fuck-face, Sigrid.

Sigrid!

-Sorry! Are you okay, Mom?
-Are you stupid?

Her knee hurts like hell!

-But I...
-Are you brain-damaged?

Just take her
and buy those fucking Oreos.

Hi.

Just take a deep breath.

Count backwards from ten
when we put the mask over your mouth.

Can you lift your head?

There. Does that feel okay?

Count backwards from ten.

Ten, nine...

eight...

Hi.

Just relax.
We don't make any mistakes here.