Platonic (2023–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Big Two Six - full transcript

I don't know.
Is this, like... Is it too 2010?

Seriously, babe, it is not the clothes.

Nobody cares how a person is dressed
in a job interview.

Kirk Friedkin is just,
you know, excited to meet you.

That's so easy for a man to say.

- Oh, boy. I'm about to get womansplained.
- Yeah, you are.

We get dissected for every wardrobe
choice. From our shoes to our lipstick.

This has to say "assertive,
but not too assertive.

Strong but, not too strong.
Confident, but not too confident."

Does this say that?

Yes. It says, "young Angela Merkel."



- Don't say that again.
- Come on!

She is the most powerful woman
in the world.

I'm going shopping.
All my clothes are old.

You should've said Bella Hadid.

Jesus.
How long have you been standing there?

I don't know. A while.

She's too quiet.

- She's gonna walk in on us one day.
- I know. It's almost like she wants to.

It's a suit.

I...

That's a good thing.

No?

Okay. That is also a suit.

Is it too Angela Merkel?



Totally.

Who is that?

This is a trick question, right?
Same suit?

This costs four times
as much as the other ones.

- Well, then you have to buy that one.
- Right?

Does it come with the shirt?

It's amazing, right?

It's a suit.

I deserve that.

I'm sorry.

Sylvia Greeves?

Yes.

- Right this way.
- Hi.

- Nice to meet you.
- You too.

And how long have you been working here?

Oh, my God. It's Kirk Friedkin.

- Answer it.
- I'm too scared.

Pick it up.

Hello, Sylvia Greeves speaking.
How may I direct your call?

Oh, yes. Hello, Kirk.
Nice to see... hear from you.

Great to hear your voice.

Wow! That's so thrilling. I'm absolutely...

Thank you so much.
I can't wait to work with you next week.

Okay. All the best.

- I got the job!
- Congratulations!

- I'm so proud of you!
- Thank you!

I'm so jealous. The best part of getting
a job is the time right before you start.

You don't have the stress of getting it,
but you don't have to actually do the job.

Well, I'm not there yet. I have so much
to organize before I even start work.

I have to find someone to look after
the kids, drive them around

and sign them up
for every after school thing, you know?

It's a big transition.

What?

You're gonna leave me for the office moms,

- 'cause you'll be one of them.
- How dare you. I would never.

- If you break up with me…
- Here we go.

…I will end up on heroin.

You will find me lying in a shelled-out
building on a cold, dirty floor,

- covered in Taco Bell wrappers.
- Taco Bell.

- This story has a happy ending.
- I guess it does.

- Hello?
- Hello.

This is Dracula.
I'm here for a booty call.

No, thanks.

Not actually Dracula. It's Will.
How's it going? Wanna buzz me in?

I'm not super psyched
to see you right now.

- Why not?
- Maybe this rings a bell:

Our relationship is "nothing,"
and I'm "not even worth mentioning."

Who told you I said that?

I'm friends with Omar. That's why
I was at your bar in the first place.

Is that how you talk about me
with all your friends?

No, my friends know how much I like you
and how much I care about you.

- It was just a weird night.
- Weird how?

Weird in that my friend was there,
and she's a pain in the ass,

and I hadn't told her about you yet.

Her?

Yeah, my friend Sylvia.
She's an old friend.

She's happily married.
She has three children. Okay?

Wow, she's really pretty.

- How do you know that?
- I'm on her Insta.

Already? How did you do that?

She looks like a model.

Look, can I come in and we can
just talk about this in person? Hello?

Hello?

Bye. Bye.

- Bye. Have a great trip, babe.
- I will.

- I love you.
- Bye.

Bye, Daddy.

Don't give Jessipa too much sweet potato.
It tends to back her up.

Have fun!

Who's ready to rock the Marriott Suites?

All right. Don't worry. I'm here to
chaperone. There's one adult on the trip.

Glad to hear it.

You're hilarious!

That was not a joke.

I can't tell you how much it means

that you're gonna help out
with pick-ups and afternoons,

just while I get back into
the work swing of the things.

That's what Nana's here for. Right, Maevy?

And we're gonna have such a good time.

We actually don't usually have
this much sugar before dinner.

That's her third lollipop.
But, you know, just on special occasions.

Well, every day's about to be
a special occasion. Isn't it?

Yeah, we're just worried about her teeth.

But pick-up is 3:00 p.m.,

but the carpool line
doesn't start until 2:55.

This is a paella I made with real shrimp.

And this is Lin-Manuel Miranda
in the grocery store. He's very polite.

And the sign-out code I mentioned
on the app, Kinderlime,

is 6235-Greeves&.

And there's a separate sign-out code
for Frances,

for the a cappella choir rehearsal.

And this is a fabulous straw hat
you can pack in a suitcase,

and it just pops right back.

Are you gonna write this down, Marla?

Or do you want me
to send it to you in an e-mail?

Mommy is such a worrier!

Okay. I'll be one second.

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah. What is it? Are you dead?

Hey! No, you know how you wanted
to meet my girlfriend?

- Can you come meet her now?
- Now?

Yeah. How fast can you get to the bar?

I'm really busy. I'm really sorry.

Charlie just left on a trip.
My mother-in-law is here.

I'm trying to get organized
because I start work on Monday.

Because I got the job!

I wouldn't ask
if it wasn't very important.

"Congratulations, Sylvia.
You got the job!"

Thank you, Will. You're such a good buddy.

I am in deep fucking shit with Peyton.

She found out that I said she was nothing
and the relationship was nothing.

It's bad.

How many dates
have you gone on with this girl?

A few. We have a very strong connection.

- Well, that's something.
- It is something.

No! It's nothing! Call me in a year
if you're still together.

I have to get back
to my real life right now.

She's not like that!
She's an old soul. You'll see.

I need you right now. She thinks it's
weird that we spend so much time together

and that I didn't tell you about her.

And she is right. It is weird,
and I'm trying to "unweird" the situation.

So, will you please just forgive me,
and just come here and help me out?

Do you remember how I said
I had a job starting on Monday?

Well, I have a job starting on Monday!

Look, I'll say it. I want you to meet her,
because I care about your opinion.

It's actually the opinion
I care about more than anything,

so will you just come meet her?

Maeve, this is Nana's friend,
Marjorie's son, Peter.

He's very successful
and owns his own dermatology practice.

Okay, fine.
But this is dumb, and you owe me one.

- Hey. There she is.
- Hi.

Hi!

Hi!

- Hi.
- You guys are hitting it off already.

What can I get you to drink?

Just your least gross beer.

- Cool. You?
- Yum.

- Whatever you think I'll like.
- Awesome.

Have a seat in the VIP table right there.

I'm very... I'll be back.

- Okay.
- "Reserved."

Fancy.

Hey.

So, where are you from, Peyton?

I'm from this town outside Denver
called Columbine. Have you heard of it?

- I have.
- Really?

Will's ladies, huh?

I really don't have time
for your weird bullshit right now.

Fair enough. Maybe another time.

Yeah.

And how did you meet Will?

Oh, my God. It's a really funny story.

- Oh, yeah?
- So, my friend Omar works here.

And What do you do for a living?

I actually used to nanny
for this family back in Colorado

with two little girls, Kenzie and Kayden.

They're in middle school now.
We text all the time.

That's so cute.

Yeah.

And what do you do now? What's your...

I babysit here and there. Yeah,
kids are my passion. I'm a kid at heart.

- Yes. Well...
- I wanna be a teacher.

I'm actually going back to get
my Master's in Education in the fall.

That's great.
I'm actually going back to work,

and I'm looking for a babysitter
other than my mother-in-law.

- Oh, my God.
- If you have any openings...

- Love to. Yes. Oh, my...
- Okay. I have three little ones, so...

Exciting! What are you guys talking about?

Sylvia asked me to babysit her kids.

It just came up. I wasn't even...

I'm so excited.

Good. Yeah. That'll...

You were asking where the restroom was.
Let me just walk you back there.

It's a maze here.
I'll be right back. Okay? Yeah.

- Two seconds. I'll be back.
- Okay.

She might be a while.

I knew you were going to
do something fucked up like this.

- What are you talking about?
- What am I talking about?

We've been here for five minutes,
and Peyton is now your employee.

That is very weird.

I don't think it's weird,
and Peyton doesn't think it's weird,

so maybe believe women.

Not the right use of that expression, FYI.
Don't toss that around like that!

- Why are you freaking out?
- You think she's too young for me.

That thought never even crossed my mind.

She's a millennial. I'm a millennial.

We are on different ends of the millennial
spectrum, but we are both millennials.

We are bookend millennials,
and that is very romantic, I think.

I hear Joe Biden's a millennial.

Our age difference is not that big a deal,
all right? We have a very deep connection.

And she... I don't know if you've noticed,
but she's a very old soul.

I think she's adorable.

She literally said she was a babysitter.
I needed a babysitter. That was it!

Now I'm honestly just very confused.
Did you just hire her to be nice?

Yes! I think she's so cute and sweet,

- and funny and...
- Stop saying she's cute and sweet, okay?

- Why?
- She's not a troll doll.

She's my girlfriend, all right?
It's a little condescending.

I think she's great.
But if you want me to "unhire" her...

No, 'cause now that would be even weirder,
all right?

You have a new babysitter.

- Congratulations.
- Okay.

It's so nice to be out for dinner.

Charlie's only been gone for 52 hours,

and I'm just so sick
of eating dino nuggets and fish sticks.

- No.
- No.

Peyton keeps texting me
the cutest photos. It's so annoying.

- Simon's got a girlfriend.
- Right?

She really speaks to eight-year-old boys
and 40-year-old men.

Basically the same thing.

I don't wanna go home.
Should we order some more dessert?

We have had everything on the menu.

Well, let's get some more wine
or, like, a cheese plate.

Please. I don't want to have to go home
and make conversation with this girl.

It's a punish.

You made your weird bed,
and now you have to lie in it.

- No sympathy?
- None.

- Hey.
- Hey.

How was dinner?

It was really nice. Thank you.
Thanks for asking. How were the kids?

So adorable. Seriously the sweetest.
So easy to put to sleep.

Well, thank you so much.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

Oh, my goodness. Think this week
has just caught up with me.

Do you have a second to talk?

Yeah. Oh, God. I'd love nothing more.

So, you and Will go way back, right?

We do, yeah.
Known each other for over 20 years.

He's tough to read. Like,
I don't know what's going on sometimes.

Anyways, I've got a birthday coming up,
and it's kind of a big one.

The big two-six.

Congratulations.

My friends
are throwing me a birthday party.

And I was thinking, I don't know, I kinda…

- What? You want...
- …want Will to be there.

- I want him to meet my friends.
- 'Course.

Anyways, the theme is YOLO.
Do you know what that means?

- I do.
- It means "you only live once."

It's interesting. It's a good idea.

- It's the first letter of all those words.
- I see.

It means just going for it,

- because you've only got this one life.
- Yeah, I get it.

So, do you think
Will would be okay with that?

Like, merging our worlds
at my birthday party.

I... You could just ask him.

What do you think he's gonna say?

I don't know. I mean, I think he's still
getting himself together from the divorce.

I know he seems like he's together,
but he's still dealing with the fallout.

Audrey's totally moved on. I mean,
her and Skaagn just went to Norway.

What? How do you know them?

Instagram. I follow them.

Braids. Of course.

Right? So obvi.

Do you think Will's still, like,
in love with her?

I... Absolutely not. But I do think
he's still getting himself together.

So, if he ends up
not wanting to merge worlds at your party,

it's got nothing to do with you.

"Merge worlds" sounds cool.

Yeah.

I'm gonna stick with "YOLO."

It's a great theme.

Okay. Well, thank you again.

- Sure.
- Thank you.

And did you just...
Did you get a spot at the front?

- My children are sleeping.
- Okay, look, we need to talk right...

- We need to talk.
- Backyard.

Okay, fine.

Okay.

I demand an apology.

What? What are you talking about?

'Cause you told Peyton
that I am still in love with Audrey.

- Okay. I didn't.
- You did not say that?

She was just at my house freaking out

'cause she said that you said
that I was still in love with Audrey,

and I was not ready for
a "real relationship."

- I didn't say that.
- You didn't?

No, I didn't.

I said to her that you might need
to take it slow,

because you're still recovering from
the divorce,

but that's no reflection on
how much you care for her.

- Why are you saying anything to her?
- Because she asked me directly.

You are trying to
undermine my relationship.

I'm not.

- I like Peyton. She's adorable. She's...
- This "adorable" shit again.

Stop saying that!

You think that she's too young for me,

and instead of just saying that
to my face, you made her your babysitter.

Okay, you're right.

I do think she's too young for you,
because she is too young for you.

And a lot of women would get
a little bit offended

seeing this guy your age
dating someone so much younger.

Well, what I would say to those women is
that I don't have a choice who I meet.

- I'm a bartender. I meet young people.
- What?

You know who else meets young people?
College professors.

Boy Scout troop leaders. Priests.

- I take extreme umbrage at that comment.
- It's a great group.

I take the most umbrage one can take.

You are being so judgmental of me.

Of course I'm judgmental,
because it's pathetic.

We have a very beautiful,
deep, meaningful connection.

Okay, that... You know what?

No matter what you say, Will,
you're too old for her. Okay?

You know, anything that doesn't conform
to your 2.3 kids,

white picket fence lifestyle
really gets under your skin, doesn't it?

How dare you lecture me when you haven't
even said congratulations on my new job.

Not one. Not one single question.

You know what a big deal it is
for me to go back to work.

I'm dealing with my own shit. I don't
give a fuck about that right now.

Yeah, you've made it really clear, Will.
I get it.

You really got in my head about this.

Now all I can think of
is what's wrong with her.

All I want is for you to end up happy,
you fucking idiot!

Well, I am fucking happy.
So, congratulations.

I've never been fucking happier
in my life!

Oh, my God. Are you okay?

Oh, no.

Send me the invoice.

Dad's gonna be pissed.

How long have you been there?

- Can I help you?
- Is Peyton here?

Hey, Peyton.
There's some guy here to see you.

Hey. Oh, my God.
What happened to your face?

I walked into a glass door.

I'm fine. Look, I'm going to throw you
the most epic birthday party ever.

I'm gonna shut down Lucky Penny. Open bar.

Invite all your friends.
We'll blow it out, okay?

Are you sure? I don't wanna force you
to do something you're not ready to do.

I'm ready. I'm ready to do this, okay?
I love you.

I didn't mean to say that.

- It's fine.
- That was a mistake.

I didn't mean to say that.
That w... That slipped out. I'm... I...

- I care about you deeply, but I...
- It's fine.

I was married. We say "I love you" a lot.

- I'm used to tossing it around.
- Yeah. I get it.

- We can just pretend that didn't happen.
- Fantastic! Maybe one day, yeah. Great.

Okay, thank you.

- Best birthday present ever.
- It's gonna be so fun. Yeah.

Yeah?

- Question.
- Yeah.

This man on your couch, who is he?

That's Alan. He's our new roommate.

Alan is in his mid-to-late-50s?

Alan's 29.

No.

- What?
- Alan is not 29. That's not true.

Alan is a senior citizen.

Did somebody say "party"?

Hey, well, if you want some help tomorrow

pulling images, making a mood board,
kinda my thing.

Yeah.

So,
I wanted to talk you guys about something

that's going to be
a big change around here.

Are you and Dad getting divorced?

What? No. I'm going back to work.

- Cool. Latesies.
- No. Please sit down. Thank you.

As I said, I'm going back to work.

- As what?
- As a lawyer.

You're a lawyer?
I thought Dad was a lawyer.

Yes, Dad is a lawyer,
and I used to be a lawyer.

Told you this many times.

So, you're going to work for Dad.

No, I'm going to work at my own job.

It's important to me for you guys to see
that women also work

and contribute to their communities
and their families just like men do.

So, it'll be a transition for all of us,
but we'll get through it.

Any questions?

- We're out of Oreos.
- What?

You said to write down
when we need things, and I did.

- Okay.
- But we're still out of Oreos.

Okay.

Oh, my God. Is that from Peyton?

No, it's from Will.

But it's about Peyton's birthday party.
Please, can we go?

No, honey, it's at a bar.

Oh, my God. I loved her. She was
the best babysitter we've ever had.

She looks exactly like Billie Eilish.

"YOLO" means "you only live once."

Yes. I'm aware.

- Oreos.
- Got it.

What the fuck is going on? It's Saturday
and you closed the bar?

Will didn't tell you?
He decided to shut down the bar

on the most profitable night
of the week to throw a birthday party

for his new girlfriend, Bedazzled Pants.

Anything we lose tonight, William,
it's on you, bro.

- This is the whole point in owning a bar.
- No, it's not.

- Point of owning a bar is to make money.
- Thank you.

Hey. Wow. I didn't think you'd come.

Yeah. Well, I mean, as they say,
"You only turn 26 once."

- Very true. If you're lucky.
- Yeah.

- Well, I'm glad you came.
- I like Peyton.

- How's your door?
- How's your face?

I'm wearing a lot of makeup.
A lot of cover-up. Can you tell?

- The blending is impeccable.
- Pretty good, yeah.

- Peyton helped me.
- She's got skills.

- Sylvia!
- Hey! Happy birthday.

- Thanks for coming.
- Of course. YOLO!

- Yes, YOLO. That's what we say.
- YOLO!

YOLO!

- It's so good to see you.
- Yo, this party is lit.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

- This is my roommate Alan, Sylvia.
- Yeah. Good. Nice to meet you.

Oh, Peyton, let's get a picture.

- Sorry. Gotta go.
- Yeah.

Alan, we were just talking.
Do you remember where you were on 9/11?

I'll never forget.

I was in my third-grade classroom,
because I was eight. Excuse me.

Guy says he's 29.

- Come on.
- If he's 29, call Make-A-Wish.

Yeah.

Hey, everyone. I'm Riley.

I've known Peyton since…

- Riley's great.
- Yeah.

Yeah. Riley works at Baskin-Robbins

if you want a free milkshake or something.

YOLO!

YOLO!

YOLO is empowering.

Here's our favorite song from high school.

- No. Oh, my God. No.
- Too late! It's too late!

Did they say this is their favorite song
from high school?

- They did.
- Wow.

So great.

What am I doing?

That.

- I'm a cliché.
- What?

Oh, no.

What? What's wrong?

- I gotta get out of this.
- What?

You were right. I gotta break up with her.
I have to break up with her right now.

- Not tonight. It's her birthday.
- I have to do it tonight.

Will you help me do it tonight?

- Absolutely not.
- You have to help.

Will you say we're having an affair?
A steamy affair?

- Please? Oh, God.
- I will not say that. No.

I thought you said you had a connection,
that she was an old soul.

She's not an old soul.
Look what the fuck she's doing.

Are you kidding me? Oh, God.
I'm gonna be alone forever.

No, you're not.
At least you haven't been together long.

Come on, man. You'll be all right.

You'll meet someone
who's more on your wavelength,

who's smart and funny,
and who's a better match.

You don't have to stay. You can go.

You kidding me? I got all dressed up.
I'm not going anywhere.

I am... Wait. That you're happy
makes me feel like...

All right. Look. Did we get her look?

I was really happy.

No! The thing she was wearing...
She looked so dumb.

No, I don't think it was... I'm dumb.
I mean, I think that she looked good.

- I did not invite her. Did you invite her?
- I invited everyone.

He's cute.

That was the best birthday
of my entire life. All thanks to you.

What's up?

Maybe we should just sit down
and talk for a second.

- Uh-oh.
- Just close the door.

What?

I hate to be doing this tonight, but I...

I just don't think we're, like, great
for each other, especially right now.

You know, you're so young. You have
so much of your life ahead of you.

And I'm so old, and I'm dealing with
this boring, old-guy shit.

You know, it's just...

Are you breaking up with me
on my birthday?

I am. And I really... I just think
it's probably for the best, you know?

And I just, you know...
I wanna make sure you're gonna be okay,

so, like, if you want me to stay over
or something like that, I'm more than…

Why the fuck would I want that?

Just in case you didn't wanna be alone
or something like that.

I don't even really think
this deserves a breakup.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Where are you going?

To meet my friends. It's my birthday.
I just came back here 'cause you're old.

- Let's go to Riley's, you guys.
- Oh, fuck yes!

The boogie don't quit!

I'll call an Uber.

Look,
I'm really sorry it went down like this.

Nighty night.

You shut the fuck up, old man, okay?

- Okay, boomer.
- Don't you "boomer" me.

You are old. You're an old man!

Your generation destroyed the environment.

You will die before me.
You have osteoporosis.

- You've shrunk since I've known you.
- Try dressing your age.

Look out for this fucking guy.

You dress your age.

Get a top hat and a monocle

and one of those bikes
with one big wheel, motherfucker.

Go take your Lipitor!

Oh, you old fuck.
You fucking old motherfucker.