Picket Fences (1992–1996): Season 4, Episode 20 - Forget Selma - full transcript
Myriam!
Don't you look lovely.
A vision in blue.
Ah... well, thank you.
[chuckles] Ah, I see
you're in a hurry,
I'll get right to it.
[door shuts]
Let's get divorced.
‐Where's Selma?
‐Uh, she's in Boca
until May.
Good, good, have a seat.
We won't be a minute.
‐I brought
a little rugelach!
‐[chuckles]
Raspberry, your favorite.
I haven't forgotten.
No, no, thank you,
but I'm due to play bridge
and my partner's gonna
be here any minute, so...
‐Oh. [giggles]
‐I made a special trip.
What, you drove to Outagamie?
Ten miles just for rugelach?
For you, my dear.
‐No, no, no. No, no, I am
going to play bridge.
‐Ah, ah, ah.
Ah!
Oh, nobody makes
these like Melvin.
Two sticks of butter
in each batch, he told me.
[both moaning]
Well, anyway...
let's look over these
divorce papers. No reason
to prolong things.
Oh, by the way, did you hear?
‐Dorothy Budwing
called off the wedding.
‐No.
Mmm, and ten minutes
before the ceremony,
Saul's kids pull out
a pre‐nup. [laughs]
‐And then she says...
‐[doorbell rings]
‐Hmm.
‐My, uh, bridge partner.
‐[romantic music playing]
‐Myriam, don't you look lovely.
[sighs]
You know, if I were
inclined to cliché,
I'd say you're
a vision in blue.
[both chuckle]
[theme music playing]
[theme music ends]
I'm the last to know.
Everyone knew.
It's been going on for weeks.
Nobody told me.
They were talking about me,
laughing at me...
[laughs maniacally]
"That old senile fool Wambaugh."
Ah, no one was laughing, Doug.
Don't be paranoid.
Anyway, Hal's an all right guy.
That too, Henry.
‐You know his name.
‐Well, I, uh...
I was, um, waiting for the
‐opportune moment to‐‐
‐To what? Stab me in the back?
You knew all week that
I had a plan of confronting
Myriam with a divorce.
You know, hand her a danish,
pour out the Wambaugh charm,
‐woo her under the guise
of divorcing her.
‐Look, I told you right then
‐that I thought it was
a ridiculously devious way‐‐
‐You knew!
I tried everything to
talk you out of it,
if you recall.
You didn't tell me
anything, Henry.
You knew!
You looked me in the eye
and you deceived me
and I trusted you.
I didn't think you could
handle it, Doug.
His name is Hal Klosterman.
He moved here about a month ago.
Retired stockbroker.
Widowed.
He used to be at Cutter Sloan
Brokerage in Chicago.
He's all right.
He and I played bridge
the other night.
You played bridge with him?
Let it go, Doug.
Get on with your life.
For the past three months,
you've been pretending
you don't care.
Imagining on some level that
if you ignore
this separation,
it'll go away.
And you seem to need to
believe this so badly,
that none of us could stand
to burst your bubble.
You want the truth?
I don't think she's coming back.
‐[sobs]
‐I'm telling you this
as a friend.
Move on, Doug.
I'm supposed to believe you?
[Jill] He was convinced that
everyone at the station knew?
Well, if you ever did get to
admit it, I knew, you knew.
‐I knew.
‐How did you know?
‐Everyone knew.
‐Well, his reaction just
seems so extreme.
I mean, calling Kimberley
at school,
accusing her of knowing.
‐Mm‐hmm, she did know about it.
‐The way he was
pumping her for information.
He's jealous, he's upset.
Think how you'd feel about it.
Yeah, but he's old.
‐That changes anything?
‐You mean it doesn't?
I'm gonna be 95
and still be wondering whether
Julie Stern gave me that look
in the cafeteria because
she has a thing
for me or because
I spilled gravy on her?
She'll probably be dead by then.
It just doesn't
sound right, Jimmy.
I mean, he's probably fine,
but MS can cause dementia.
‐He's not demented, Jill.
‐Oh, I know, but he
sounds a little irrational,
and stress can bring that on.
It's probably nothing,
but in case he needs medication,
I wish I could get him into
my office on some pretext.
Of course, he's so paranoid
at this point, he'll probably
think I'm up to something.
[all talking indistinctly]
Myriam...
A word.
[sighs]
Excuse me.
[whispers] What's he doing here?
Well, you play bridge
all day now. How nice.
I, personally, rarely have time
for a game due to the fact
that I'm gainfully employed.
‐Now, what's he doing
in Rome anyway?
‐He came for the fishing.
"He came for the fishing."
What kind of a line is that?
‐Why'd he really come here?
‐You never trust anyone.
Uh, it's a cockamamie story.
What does he do all day?
He doesn't fish.
‐He manages his money.
‐All day, he manages his money?
‐All day?
‐His, other people's,
he's a retired stockbroker.
‐You gave him money.
‐What? Of course
I didn't give him money.
What do you think I am, crazy?
Do I take his advice? Yes.
Yes, I take his advice,
and you know what?
I am projecting an 18%
increase in this next quarter.
‐Oh, my God.
‐Hmm.
It's a lot better, don't you
think? Than what we were doing
with your caution and your
‐g and your tea bills?
‐[yells] You gave him money!
‐[woman gasps]
‐[all stop talking]
How much money
did you give him?
I don't have to justify
everything to you.
It just so happens
to be my money.
Let's not deal with that.
You're paying him a percentage,
that boyfriend of‐‐
‐I am not!
‐Oh, you're saying
he doesn't charge you.
He just gives you his advice,
a stock broker from
Cutter Sloan, free?
‐Now, why would he do that?
‐Because he's a good man,
he's a friend.
He is charming, he's kind,
he's intelligent, he's warm.
And he talks to me,
he doesn't talk at me.
He even listens to me.
If you wanted me to listen,
why didn't you say so?
I, uh, I can listen
as well as anybody.
Talk, and I'll listen.
Douglas...
I've fallen in love with him.
I, uh...
I want to see your statements.
It's my money, too.
‐[depressing music playing]
‐For the first time
in years, I'm happy.
Please, Douglas, please,
don't ruin this for me.
‐What's this?
‐Myriam's investment
statements from [indistinct]
Turns out, he's acting
as a broker. He opened
an account for her.
[laughs] Here's some
beverage companies.
Anybody can figure out that
those stocks are undervalued.
I could've bought them too,
but my broker, he
recommended against it.
Eighteen percent. Hmm.
So he had a good month.
It's my money
we're talking about.
We're not even divorced yet.
$20,000 of my money!
Well, with those returns,
I'll let him mature
with him for a few years.
He's a talented stockbroker,
you're a talented lawyer,
grow up.
What does a man like that
want with Myriam Wambaugh?
I settled for her 42 years ago,
her father sold luggage.
She was nothing
to look at even back then.
Then why did you
bother with her?
I was new in town.
She was easy to talk to.
But a man like Klosterman,
[chuckles] he can get anybody.
He's got a scheme, he's up to
something. Her money is
passing through his hands.
You are paranoid.
‐What?
‐You said yourself that
he's not charging her.
The checks are
made out to Cutter Sloan.
so what possible profit
could he be making?
He likes her, that's all.
Is that so hard to believe?
‐[suspenseful music playing]
‐[Myriam laughing]
[engine starts]
[music continues]
[Myriam] You did what?
I was driving alone innocently,
minding my own‐‐
Are you insane?
‐You were lying in wait
outside here for him?
‐I happened by.
‐I just wanted to talk to him.
‐Oh, you followed him.
Oh, my God.
‐You ought to be grateful.
‐Doug, I'm worried about you.
He's got a floozy, Myriam.
I saw it with my own eyes,
and he's keep her at
that no‐tell motel.
He doesn't stay at a motel,
he stays at the
Crestwood Arms Condo.
[sarcastically] Oh, sure, sure.
And when he's in London, he's
staying at Buckingham Palace.
‐How do you know he's
staying at the Crestwood?
‐I've been there.
For business purpose.
What, I don't have to
explain myself to you.
You won't rest until you ruin
this for me, will you, Douglas?
You don't believe me? Well then,
come see for yourself!
Okay, show me. Wait a minute.
[Wambaugh] Hah!
[suspenseful music resumes]
Come on, I know you're
in there, you two‐timing!
[chuckles] You'll see.
‐What?
‐[speaking foreign language]
It was room 103. I swear
they went into room 103.
[continues speaking
in foreign language]
Some floozy.
He's here somewhere,
Myriam, I know it.
‐Oh, maybe
it was room 104.
‐Douglas,
when was the last time
you went to the doctor?
He was here, I saw it.
I know what I saw.
Douglas, get help,
for God's sake.
‐Come on.
‐[mumbles] Paranoid.
Let's go then.
No rap sheet.
You sure that's the right
Hal Klosterman?
‐Nobody listed as Hal?
‐Got it off DMV.
He's the only Hal Klosterman
in the Chicago area
with a birthday
anywhere in that range.
The info so matches
the security trading license
we looked up.
He's legit,
he's licensed, no record
of any security violations.
[scoffs]
I'm gonna check complaints,
run through the SEC.
Sometimes, insider tradings
are handled in arbitration.
Doug... don't take this
the wrong way, okay?
But, are you sure?
You think I'm seeing things.
‐I'm saying it was dark,
you were upset.
‐I know what I saw.
‐You think
I'm losing it?
‐No.
Nobody will say anything
to my face anymore.
Tip‐toeing around me,
whispering about me,
for God's sakes,
have the courtesy
to look me in the eye
and give me the goods!
The goods, Kenny!
[sighs]
I think you could use
a little time in Miami.
Catch some rays, and
drink something with
a little paper umbrella in it.
The hell with all of you.
[woman] That's [indistinct]
Two, five, zero, zero, zero.
‐Ooh, look at that.
It hardly fits in the box.
‐[woman laughs]
Pearl, I can't let you
do that. It's too much.
You should never risk
more in the market
than you stand to lose.
I'm not risking anything.
I sold off my utilities.
Those are blue chip stocks,
Pearl. I urge you to
hold on to them.
I trust you.
And I want 18%.
And I'm gonna buy that
cute little condo in Boca,
right next to Selma.
[chuckling]
No more hard winters for me.
[all chuckling]
And when Douglas sees
the returns you're getting,
that'll really put him
over the edge.
‐Hey, come on,
he's not over the edge.
‐[scoffs]
‐He's insanely
jealous of you.
‐[laughs]
And he follows you everywhere.
He doesn't follow me
everywhere, just, uh...
one or two places. [chuckles]
I don't know,
maybe it's the MS or
maybe...
I don't know what it is.
I‐I didn't wanna tell you.
It's a cruel thing,
senility. [sighs]
It could happen to any of us.
We just have to...
live to the fullest.
‐Every moment of our lives.
‐[Myriam] Hear, hear.
Yes, we do.
Hi.
‐Hi.
‐Well, I was
just passing by,
I thought I'd stop in
to say hello.
Jill, in all the 15 years
you've lived in this town,
you never once
stopped in to say hello.
Exactly. Isn't that a shame
when you think about it?
Us living in
a small town and all.
All right.
All right, you're
here for a reason.
What is it?
‐Oh, my God. Nobody
tell me anything anymore.
‐Really?
And you feel that people
are hiding things from you?
You're not gonna
get me with that.
‐Oh, so you think
I'm out to get you.
‐You are out to get me.
I know all your doctors' tricks.
You're gonna ask me
what year it is,
who the President is.
I remember for last time
in the hospital.
Do you think I look like
a man who doesn't know
what year it is?
Oh, of course not.
So, since you know,
what year is it?
Just say it,
let's get it over with.
‐1492.
‐Oh, Doug, come on,
this is serious.
Who is the President?
‐Doug, just answer me.
‐I'm only asking you
because I care.
You do seem a little paranoid.
[sighs] All right, well,
um... [clears throat]
How about this? Um...
What does this mean to you?
A rose by any other name
would smell as sweet.
Romeo and Juliet.
"Act II, Scene II."
I bet not many
of my fellow loonies
can cough that up.
‐Boom! Another name!
‐What?
He has another name.
‐How do you know that
he's Klosterman? Have you
ever seen his picture?
Why, that phoney‐baloney!
Everything he says is a lie!
‐[gasps]
‐Trust no one!
[doors closes]
Are you sure this is okay
for me to be dong this? [sighs]
It's a matter of public record.
Besides, your father
is the Sheriff,
and you're practically
a member of the department.
Keep going.
Okay, "Coroner's Office,
Certificate of Death."
"Klosterman Harold."
‐Mr. Wambaugh, this is so...
‐Say it, Kimberley.
Crazy.
‐I understand how
you must feel, but...
‐Kimberley...
look at me in the eye.
[sighs]
I'm upset.
My wife of 40 years
is seeing another man.
The betrayal is, uh...
I hope you never know
what it's like.
But I am in touch with reality.
I live by my wits.
And my radar tells me
that something is wrong.
I need your help.
And nobody else will believe me.
[beeping, stops]
‐Oh, my God!
‐Wesley Banes, FBI.
‐Looking for Sheriff Brock.
‐He's dead, of course!
‐Sheriff Brock?
‐Over there.
He's dead! Why, that creep!
He took his name,
his reputation,
his trader's license,
his access to Cutter Sloan
before the paperwork catches up,
and cuts off
his check authorizations.
‐He's dead.
[laughs triumphantly]
‐Let me go find Dad.
[laughs] You're dead.
That's what you are,
you're dead.
[laughs] He's dead.
He's dead.
‐Oh, hi, Doug.
‐Harold Klosterman died
February 28th, 1996
of a cardiac arrest!
And everybody here
thinks that I'm crazy.
He's dead.
He's dead!
‐I thought you were going in.
‐You know, I was
gonna, but, uh...
Carter, what in the hell
are you doing?
Who put you up to this?
‐It was Jill Brock,
of course.
‐Not exactly.
Henry Bone then. Damn it,
Carter, give me the truth
and don't patronize me.
It was Jill and Bone.
‐And Jimmy and Kenny, and‐‐
‐Oh, damn it, Carter.
Please, I'm not crazy.
‐Klosterman is dead.
‐Of course he is.
Come. Come back to
the station, I want you
to look at the computer.
I think what we should do is
go home, have a nice hot cup
of cocoa and a long nap.
Okay.
Okay.
[sighs]
You want to follow me?
Follow me.
[suspenseful music playing]
‐Is this Myriam's place?
‐No.
‐It's Hal Klosterman's place.
‐What!
‐You have keys
to Hal Klosterman's place?
‐No, but Sven Jgorson did.
‐Sven who?
‐Sven Jgorson.
I defended him on breaking
and entering two years ago.
I got him the minimal sentence.
He couldn't afford to pay me
so he gave me his tools.
All you have to do is match
the lock brand and type,
and you're in.
God, when I was a kid,
I used to dream about
having keys like this.
Wait a minute.
We just broke and entered.
‐How much time did
Sven Jgorson get?
‐Five years with good behavior.
‐Couldn't we have
obtained a search warrant?
‐Are you kidding?
Had I opened my mouth,
Henry would've certified me,
all of you would have.
I don't like this.
We're gonna end up in a cell
next to Sven Jgorson.
‐[sighs] Don't worry about him,
he's not in jail anymore.
‐They let him out already?
Another inmate stabbed him
to death with a cafeteria fork.
He took their money.
‐The inmates?
‐No, Klosterman was
taking their money.
It says so right here,
and not investing in anything!
Cutter Sloane.
Account number 44907...
Every check in this account
is written for Lester Blodchet.
That's how he got their money.
They must've given him
power of attorney
to purchase stocks,
instead, he was writing
checks to himself!
Obviously, not reflected in
any of these stock reports.
Well, these are fakes!
Anyone with a computer
can dummy one of these up.
My God!
This is incredible,
he's defrauded...
1993, 1991...
This could be hundreds
of thousands of dollars.
‐The rogue moving
from town to town.
‐Let's get a search warrant.
I'm gonna be deputized on this,
I can just feel it.
‐[gasps]
‐[lock clicks]
‐[Hal Klosterman
talking indistinctly]
‐The closet, quick!
I can't hide in the closet.
I'm the county medical examiner.
Do you want him to shoot you?
He's a criminal, Carter.
[Myriam talking indistinctly]
‐Myriam?
‐Come on,
get in the closet.
‐[Myriam] Thank you.
‐[romantic music playing]
Uh, Myriam, I, um...
‐I have to go away
for a few days.
‐Go where?
Uh, Chicago. I'm needed there.
Oh, don't worry,
sweetheart, I'll be
back soon, I promise you.
Na‐uh.
‐[Hal] Uh, Myriam, if, uh,
if anything should ever
‐[coughs]
happen to me, uh...
just please know, no matter what
I really do love you.
‐Doug?
‐Shut up!
‐[wheezes] I really
have to tell you.
‐[shushes]
I'm severely allergic to...
‐Wall... [indistinct]
‐Hmm?
‐[sneezes]
‐[Wambaugh shushes]
Stand back.
[gun cocks]
‐[sneezes]
‐You!
Well, if it isn't
Hal Klusterman.
‐"Klosterman."
‐Whatever.
You know, I didn't actually
think I'd see you here,
seeing as you've been
dead since February 28th.
‐What?
‐[coughs, mumbles]
‐You're... You're insane!
‐Am I?
‐Where's the stock, Hal?
You know what?
‐[continues coughing]
There is none. Because
you've been cashing
those checks yourself.
You stole thousands
of dollars from my wife,
from those elderly women
their pensions,
their life savings,
and I can prove it! Lester!
‐[groans]
‐[Myriam] Lester?
Well, what have you got
to say for yourself? Lester!
‐[groans, screams]
‐[Myriam] Hal!
Oh, God...
Oh, Hal...
‐[indistinct conversations]
‐[siren wails]
He was a rat, Myriam.
He lived like a rat
and he died like a rat.
I didn't kill him,
the truth killed him.
He was killed by the specter
of his own vileness.
‐Don't talk to me!
‐Oh, Myriam.
Carter?
What the hell were you thinking?
Hiding in a closet, you
could've been shot to death.
‐I sent you here
to watch Doug, dammit.
‐I got carried away.
[scoffs]
Any fingerprints?
Something this complicated,
he could have accomplices.
Yeah, somebody
beside Klosterman touched
every document in this file.
Fingerprint here, here, here.
All over the desk.
Right. Mine.
Oh, great. Now, we have
no leads and accomplices.
[Banes] But I do.
Wesley Banes, FBI.
You Sheriff Brock?
I've been looking
all over for you.
Blodget was working this con
for about five years.
Broker from some big
financial firm died,
he and his partner stuck in,
cleaned out that guy's
office that day.
Stationary, signing platforms,
business cards, statements.
Here's the partner.
Lucy Wanamaker.
That's the woman I saw
at the Philly motel.
They'd hit on the elderly,
the lonely, the vulnerable,
get one per sucker to tumble,
and then rope in the friends.
Well, why would the FBI
be interested in
two small‐time conners?
Well, we've got
reason to believe they
work for Abe Felson.
‐Never heard of Abe Felson?
‐Yeah, he had something
to do with, uh...
‐Myolaski, right?
‐It's a bootlegger firm.
[inhales sharply] He
used to operate for him
up here in Wisconsin,
ran the stuff through Canada.
Rumor was,
guy was so ruthless,
even Myolaski was
afraid of him.
Yeah, but nobody ever
actually saw the guy, right?
No, they say he still lives in
a shack somewhere up north,
‐still runs half
the action in Wisconsin.
‐Oh, come on, he's dead.
He's‐he's gotta be.
If that was in his 20s,
he'd have to be...
‐He's in his late 90s.
‐This is insane.
One of Laski's men
still out there?
I'm just repeating
what they say.
We've been looking
for him for a long time.
Well, we'll take Blodget's body,
see if any friends
or relatives show up.
We do have some
fingerprint evidence,
but unfortunately, it, uh...
all leads to medical examiner.
[romantic music playing]
Come on, I'll walk you home.
Leave me alone.
He had a bad heart.
It isn't my fault.
How can you blame me for this?
I‐I'm the white hat here.
You take...
everything in my life
‐and ruin it.
‐But, Myriam...
he lost $20,000 of my money.
Oh, yes. Money.
It always comes around
to money with you.
He cheated
your friends, admit it.
You're humiliated.
He humiliated you.
And it's easier to take it
out on me than on him.
'Cause I'm still here
and he's dead, and you
can't arraign a corpse.
You killed
the man who taught me
what romance meant.
He was a criminal.
He was lying to you. Everything
he said to you was a lie.
When he told you his name,
he was lying.
When he told you he loved you,
‐he was lying.
‐He made me happy.
He was using you, Myriam.
You are nothing to him
but a checkbook.
I knew that.
Thank you so much...
for bringing it to my attention.
[sighs]
You're welcome.
[slow instrumental
music playing]
[papers crumpling]
[door opens]
Selma?
I thought you weren't
due back until next week.
‐[suspenseful music playing]
‐[gasps]
I can explain everything.
[groans, thuds]
What? Klosterman's alive?
Possibly.
Results from the blood sample
came after the FBI
already claimed the body.
Extremely high levels
of propanol hydrochloride.
That's given to heart patients
to lower blood pressure.
He combined it with
a very high dose of diazepam,
the combination could
lower blood pressure
to the point of being
undetectable. Virtually.
‐You say he could survive this?
‐Possibly. [gulps]
‐You were right there
when he dropped!
‐I know.
‐You examined him.
‐I know.
I keep going over it
in my mind, and... [sighs]
the thing is, he started
coughing, putting his hand
over his mouth,
I think he might have
ingested the drug then.
‐You pronounced him dead.
‐[gulps loudly]
‐Probably a little
hasty on my part.
‐[groans]
I was agitated, Jimmy!
The man collapsed
at my feet! We...
have been hiding in the closet.
‐I wasn't on my game.
‐[groans]
Okay. Okay, okay.
‐What's the status
of the body now?
‐Banes took it, remember?
Fine, fine. We call
the FBI before‐‐
No, that's another thing.
The FBI doesn't have the body.
‐You said Banes had it.
‐Well, he does.
‐Well, then we call the FBI.
‐I already did.
‐What did he say?
‐Nothing.
I mean, he might have, if
the FBI had any record of
an employee by that name.
There's no such person
as Wesley Banes.
[coughing]
Oh, I know it sounds crazy.
Sure, I started out on a con,
‐but once I got
to know you, I‐‐
‐And so,
after you revived
from the drugs,
you tried to talk to you partner
into giving you they money so
you could return it to me?
‐Mm‐hmm.
‐Out of remorse?
‐Hmm.
‐Because you had
fallen in love with me.
‐Hmm.
‐And she shot you,
but you just kept
running through the woods
till you got here to me?
You expect me
to believe this drivel?
‐[grunts]
‐What's the game, Hal?
Give it to me straight,
you owe me that courtesy.
I may be a sucker,
but God help me, I am
only a sucker once.
What do you want now?
More money, a car, what?
My God, you hate me.
I hate myself, if that's
any consolation.
You made a fool of me
in front of my friends,
in front of my husband.
I wanted to tell you.
So many times,
I almost told you.
Oh, I know I am a liar.
Despicable liar.
It's compulsion.
[stutters] A power thing.
I was five foot one
until I was 16. They
used to stuff me in lockers.
‐[scoffs]
‐Oh, what does it matter,
you probably don't believe
that either, why should you?
[stammers] You are
the kindest, most generous,
most trusting, most
real woman I have ever met.
And when I was with you,
I felt for the first time that
I could dare to be myself,
the real me. Not...
Hal Klosterman, Mr. Money Bags,
but me, Lester Blodget.
[chuckles] I'm a nice guy.
I collect stamps,
I know a million jokes.
God, I sound pathetic.
Anyway...
here's your money.
‐Oh.
‐Count it,
it's all there.
Good lord! It's all $100 bills.
You're a
beautiful person,
Myriam,
and you gave me
the happiest four weeks
of my life.
‐Oh! [groans]
‐[indistinct]
Just... Just a scrape.
‐Oh, my God!
‐Oh, don't worry about me,
‐I'm a tough old bird.
‐No, no, no, I'm gonna
get you to the hospital.
‐[Myriam gasps]
‐[suspenseful music playing]
Hi.
Mr. Banes, right? FBI.
‐Right.
‐Thank God!
I was worried about
Myriam will all this blood.
I called her and there
was no answer.
Myriam! Myriam!
‐Let me.
‐Huh.
‐Myriam.
‐Sheldon?
Sheldon?
Sheldon.
Oye.
So do we shoot him here, or
do we, uh, take him into
the woods and shoot him?
Let's just shoot him here.
Why bother with the woods?
Cops find the bodies here,
they'll be after us right away.
No bodies, they could
go days before anyone
reports them missing.
So, um, let's uh...
let's shoot 'em here
and then...
‐and then dump
the bodies in the woods.
‐[Hal continues coughing]
Yeah, but how do we
get them in the car? It's
only a two‐door, you know?
‐[scoffs]
‐Oh, for crying out loud,
will you quit with the coughing?
‐[Hal continues coughing]
‐Well, this is an honor.
I get to die covered in phlegm
of the man who taught you
what romance is.
It's all your fault, Douglas. If
you hadn't stuck your nose in,
we wouldn't be here.
What? He would've
taken you for everything
he had. You would've‐‐
‐I would've been alive!
‐You would've hated yourself
for the rest of your life.
Never had a chance to face him.
Never had a chance
to tell him what a lying,
shameless, toad he is!
The man who taught you
what romance is!
‐You said that?
‐Oh, shut up, Hal.
Lester, whatever.
For crying out loud,
will you shoot him?
Or shoot me.
So I don't have to listen
to this Camille routine.
The man who taught her what
romance was after 40 years
‐of marriage.
‐Oh, as if that would
mean anything to you.
Forty years and you never
even told me you love me.
‐You never even told her
you loved her?
‐Oh, shut up, Hal.
Lester.
‐Lester. Who the hell
cares who you are.
Would you just
go ahead and shoot us?
Let's just get
this thing over with.
My pleasure.
[gun cocks]
‐[stutters] Oh, in heaven's
name, not until I've made up.
‐[Myriam whines]
If not for their sake,
Lucy, for mine.
For ours.
For what you and I
once meant to each other.
We meant crap
to each other, Hal.
‐I didn't feel that way.
‐[sighs]
I'm sorry, Myriam.
‐For what?
‐Ah, for everything.
For what I said
at our anniversary.
Well, I‐I‐I know that
I'm not an easy man
to live with, but
you were always there for me.
Maybe I didn't say so, but...
All right, I'm not good
at that, but I do, I‐‐
‐All right, all right,
enough already.
‐[cocks gun]
[Myriam gasps]
Oh, would you let the man talk?
[sighs]
You meant a lot to me.
I want you to know
how much you've
‐meant‐‐
‐Good God!
Just say it, man!
You got a gun
to your head, say it.
"I love you. I love you."
I love you, Myriam. More than
the Moon loves the Earth.
More than the river
loves the ocean.
More than the...
‐bitch loves her pups.
I love you. I love you. I lo‐‐
‐Oh, shut up, Hal.
Well, he can't say it,
he's an old dog.
He can't change now,
it's too much to expect.
Just shoot us.
Oh, I can change. You think
I'm too old to change?
I think you can change
because we've only got
two seconds to live.
‐Go on, say it!
‐[grumbles]
Myriam...
you're a part of me,
and I am part of you,
and if you deny that...
then you might as well deny
we ever lived at all.
You think I don't
love you, Myriam?
You are my whole life!
Yes, Myriam...
I love you.
‐[Hal sobbing]
‐Thank God.
[Hal continues sobbing]
That was so beautiful.
Even if it did
take a gun to
your head to say it.
[continues sobbing]
Any last words, Lester?
‐Actually, I‐‐
‐[door opens]
‐[gunshots]
‐[Lacy groans]
‐Abe!
‐Abe?
Abe?
‐[suspenseful music playing]
‐You're from the motel.
Abe Felsen?
‐You're Chinese!
‐Half Chinese.
‐You look great
for a guy in his 90s.
‐You killed your own people.
They ditched me
and found the lock.
Thought they could
run out on me.
Now, is that nice?
Hmm. [kisses]
So, Lester, what's the story?
‐Fall in love again?
‐I do love her.
‐I do, I swear.
‐Yeah, yeah,
you love her more.
Nice vase.
I can shoot the mites
off of a flea's butt.
‐But that's
Selma's Waterford.
‐Forget Selma.
[Myriam gasps]
‐It's the arthritis.
‐Abe.
[smirks]
I was loyal, Abe. I was
gonna give the money to you.
You know, after all
we've been through.
[stutters] What you and I
once meant to each other.
You're a
pathological liar,
Lester. [chuckles]
Yeah. I'm gonna take
care of you first.
[snickering]
And then I'll do
the two love birds.
‐Oh.
‐Oh,
as God as my judge,
I did really love you.
‐Shut up, Lester.
‐May I just say
one word before her?
I merely thought you might
want to be aware that
though we may be a bunch
of hayseeds
out here in Rome,
well, no comparison to a man
who cut his teeth with Myolaski.
And I admit...
you played us all here like
a whole section of violins
in a pretty shabby orchestra.
Sooner or later, we do catch on.
Yes, I do have a point.
It's being that Sheriff Brock
and about 50 deputies
are just outside
that window right now,
and it might go easier for you
if you don't add
another three corpses
to your body count!
[chuckles nervously]
[guns cocking]
‐I thought you were kidding!
‐[Jimmy] Police! Drop it!
All right, all right, all right,
all right, all right.
[all clamoring]
‐Myriam? Doug?
‐Lester.
You're under arrest, Lester.
‐Watch that step there.
‐Yeah.
[all talking indistinctly]
Hmm...
I'm, uh, sorry about everything.
I'm trying to understand
how you must feel.
Even though I don't.
I'm an old dog, Myriam, uh...
maybe I am too old
to change, I don't know. I...
I don't always listen.
I don't always understand.
Well... [chuckles]
nobody's perfect.
We weren't always
happy, I know that...
but we had our moments.
Maybe, uh, you could've
done better. Maybe, uh,
I did my best.
Maybe I‐I didn't.
I don't know.
I‐I‐I was myself,
what could anyone be? I...
I'm impossible.
Myriam...
I haven't slept in months,
not since you left.
I haven't slept
so well myself.
I won't let us die
without a fight.
Just give me that.
[dramatic music playing]
Okay.
How about it? We...
We go for a walk, huh?
I'll buy you coffee.
[laughs]
[theme music playing]
[theme music ends]
Don't you look lovely.
A vision in blue.
Ah... well, thank you.
[chuckles] Ah, I see
you're in a hurry,
I'll get right to it.
[door shuts]
Let's get divorced.
‐Where's Selma?
‐Uh, she's in Boca
until May.
Good, good, have a seat.
We won't be a minute.
‐I brought
a little rugelach!
‐[chuckles]
Raspberry, your favorite.
I haven't forgotten.
No, no, thank you,
but I'm due to play bridge
and my partner's gonna
be here any minute, so...
‐Oh. [giggles]
‐I made a special trip.
What, you drove to Outagamie?
Ten miles just for rugelach?
For you, my dear.
‐No, no, no. No, no, I am
going to play bridge.
‐Ah, ah, ah.
Ah!
Oh, nobody makes
these like Melvin.
Two sticks of butter
in each batch, he told me.
[both moaning]
Well, anyway...
let's look over these
divorce papers. No reason
to prolong things.
Oh, by the way, did you hear?
‐Dorothy Budwing
called off the wedding.
‐No.
Mmm, and ten minutes
before the ceremony,
Saul's kids pull out
a pre‐nup. [laughs]
‐And then she says...
‐[doorbell rings]
‐Hmm.
‐My, uh, bridge partner.
‐[romantic music playing]
‐Myriam, don't you look lovely.
[sighs]
You know, if I were
inclined to cliché,
I'd say you're
a vision in blue.
[both chuckle]
[theme music playing]
[theme music ends]
I'm the last to know.
Everyone knew.
It's been going on for weeks.
Nobody told me.
They were talking about me,
laughing at me...
[laughs maniacally]
"That old senile fool Wambaugh."
Ah, no one was laughing, Doug.
Don't be paranoid.
Anyway, Hal's an all right guy.
That too, Henry.
‐You know his name.
‐Well, I, uh...
I was, um, waiting for the
‐opportune moment to‐‐
‐To what? Stab me in the back?
You knew all week that
I had a plan of confronting
Myriam with a divorce.
You know, hand her a danish,
pour out the Wambaugh charm,
‐woo her under the guise
of divorcing her.
‐Look, I told you right then
‐that I thought it was
a ridiculously devious way‐‐
‐You knew!
I tried everything to
talk you out of it,
if you recall.
You didn't tell me
anything, Henry.
You knew!
You looked me in the eye
and you deceived me
and I trusted you.
I didn't think you could
handle it, Doug.
His name is Hal Klosterman.
He moved here about a month ago.
Retired stockbroker.
Widowed.
He used to be at Cutter Sloan
Brokerage in Chicago.
He's all right.
He and I played bridge
the other night.
You played bridge with him?
Let it go, Doug.
Get on with your life.
For the past three months,
you've been pretending
you don't care.
Imagining on some level that
if you ignore
this separation,
it'll go away.
And you seem to need to
believe this so badly,
that none of us could stand
to burst your bubble.
You want the truth?
I don't think she's coming back.
‐[sobs]
‐I'm telling you this
as a friend.
Move on, Doug.
I'm supposed to believe you?
[Jill] He was convinced that
everyone at the station knew?
Well, if you ever did get to
admit it, I knew, you knew.
‐I knew.
‐How did you know?
‐Everyone knew.
‐Well, his reaction just
seems so extreme.
I mean, calling Kimberley
at school,
accusing her of knowing.
‐Mm‐hmm, she did know about it.
‐The way he was
pumping her for information.
He's jealous, he's upset.
Think how you'd feel about it.
Yeah, but he's old.
‐That changes anything?
‐You mean it doesn't?
I'm gonna be 95
and still be wondering whether
Julie Stern gave me that look
in the cafeteria because
she has a thing
for me or because
I spilled gravy on her?
She'll probably be dead by then.
It just doesn't
sound right, Jimmy.
I mean, he's probably fine,
but MS can cause dementia.
‐He's not demented, Jill.
‐Oh, I know, but he
sounds a little irrational,
and stress can bring that on.
It's probably nothing,
but in case he needs medication,
I wish I could get him into
my office on some pretext.
Of course, he's so paranoid
at this point, he'll probably
think I'm up to something.
[all talking indistinctly]
Myriam...
A word.
[sighs]
Excuse me.
[whispers] What's he doing here?
Well, you play bridge
all day now. How nice.
I, personally, rarely have time
for a game due to the fact
that I'm gainfully employed.
‐Now, what's he doing
in Rome anyway?
‐He came for the fishing.
"He came for the fishing."
What kind of a line is that?
‐Why'd he really come here?
‐You never trust anyone.
Uh, it's a cockamamie story.
What does he do all day?
He doesn't fish.
‐He manages his money.
‐All day, he manages his money?
‐All day?
‐His, other people's,
he's a retired stockbroker.
‐You gave him money.
‐What? Of course
I didn't give him money.
What do you think I am, crazy?
Do I take his advice? Yes.
Yes, I take his advice,
and you know what?
I am projecting an 18%
increase in this next quarter.
‐Oh, my God.
‐Hmm.
It's a lot better, don't you
think? Than what we were doing
with your caution and your
‐g and your tea bills?
‐[yells] You gave him money!
‐[woman gasps]
‐[all stop talking]
How much money
did you give him?
I don't have to justify
everything to you.
It just so happens
to be my money.
Let's not deal with that.
You're paying him a percentage,
that boyfriend of‐‐
‐I am not!
‐Oh, you're saying
he doesn't charge you.
He just gives you his advice,
a stock broker from
Cutter Sloan, free?
‐Now, why would he do that?
‐Because he's a good man,
he's a friend.
He is charming, he's kind,
he's intelligent, he's warm.
And he talks to me,
he doesn't talk at me.
He even listens to me.
If you wanted me to listen,
why didn't you say so?
I, uh, I can listen
as well as anybody.
Talk, and I'll listen.
Douglas...
I've fallen in love with him.
I, uh...
I want to see your statements.
It's my money, too.
‐[depressing music playing]
‐For the first time
in years, I'm happy.
Please, Douglas, please,
don't ruin this for me.
‐What's this?
‐Myriam's investment
statements from [indistinct]
Turns out, he's acting
as a broker. He opened
an account for her.
[laughs] Here's some
beverage companies.
Anybody can figure out that
those stocks are undervalued.
I could've bought them too,
but my broker, he
recommended against it.
Eighteen percent. Hmm.
So he had a good month.
It's my money
we're talking about.
We're not even divorced yet.
$20,000 of my money!
Well, with those returns,
I'll let him mature
with him for a few years.
He's a talented stockbroker,
you're a talented lawyer,
grow up.
What does a man like that
want with Myriam Wambaugh?
I settled for her 42 years ago,
her father sold luggage.
She was nothing
to look at even back then.
Then why did you
bother with her?
I was new in town.
She was easy to talk to.
But a man like Klosterman,
[chuckles] he can get anybody.
He's got a scheme, he's up to
something. Her money is
passing through his hands.
You are paranoid.
‐What?
‐You said yourself that
he's not charging her.
The checks are
made out to Cutter Sloan.
so what possible profit
could he be making?
He likes her, that's all.
Is that so hard to believe?
‐[suspenseful music playing]
‐[Myriam laughing]
[engine starts]
[music continues]
[Myriam] You did what?
I was driving alone innocently,
minding my own‐‐
Are you insane?
‐You were lying in wait
outside here for him?
‐I happened by.
‐I just wanted to talk to him.
‐Oh, you followed him.
Oh, my God.
‐You ought to be grateful.
‐Doug, I'm worried about you.
He's got a floozy, Myriam.
I saw it with my own eyes,
and he's keep her at
that no‐tell motel.
He doesn't stay at a motel,
he stays at the
Crestwood Arms Condo.
[sarcastically] Oh, sure, sure.
And when he's in London, he's
staying at Buckingham Palace.
‐How do you know he's
staying at the Crestwood?
‐I've been there.
For business purpose.
What, I don't have to
explain myself to you.
You won't rest until you ruin
this for me, will you, Douglas?
You don't believe me? Well then,
come see for yourself!
Okay, show me. Wait a minute.
[Wambaugh] Hah!
[suspenseful music resumes]
Come on, I know you're
in there, you two‐timing!
[chuckles] You'll see.
‐What?
‐[speaking foreign language]
It was room 103. I swear
they went into room 103.
[continues speaking
in foreign language]
Some floozy.
He's here somewhere,
Myriam, I know it.
‐Oh, maybe
it was room 104.
‐Douglas,
when was the last time
you went to the doctor?
He was here, I saw it.
I know what I saw.
Douglas, get help,
for God's sake.
‐Come on.
‐[mumbles] Paranoid.
Let's go then.
No rap sheet.
You sure that's the right
Hal Klosterman?
‐Nobody listed as Hal?
‐Got it off DMV.
He's the only Hal Klosterman
in the Chicago area
with a birthday
anywhere in that range.
The info so matches
the security trading license
we looked up.
He's legit,
he's licensed, no record
of any security violations.
[scoffs]
I'm gonna check complaints,
run through the SEC.
Sometimes, insider tradings
are handled in arbitration.
Doug... don't take this
the wrong way, okay?
But, are you sure?
You think I'm seeing things.
‐I'm saying it was dark,
you were upset.
‐I know what I saw.
‐You think
I'm losing it?
‐No.
Nobody will say anything
to my face anymore.
Tip‐toeing around me,
whispering about me,
for God's sakes,
have the courtesy
to look me in the eye
and give me the goods!
The goods, Kenny!
[sighs]
I think you could use
a little time in Miami.
Catch some rays, and
drink something with
a little paper umbrella in it.
The hell with all of you.
[woman] That's [indistinct]
Two, five, zero, zero, zero.
‐Ooh, look at that.
It hardly fits in the box.
‐[woman laughs]
Pearl, I can't let you
do that. It's too much.
You should never risk
more in the market
than you stand to lose.
I'm not risking anything.
I sold off my utilities.
Those are blue chip stocks,
Pearl. I urge you to
hold on to them.
I trust you.
And I want 18%.
And I'm gonna buy that
cute little condo in Boca,
right next to Selma.
[chuckling]
No more hard winters for me.
[all chuckling]
And when Douglas sees
the returns you're getting,
that'll really put him
over the edge.
‐Hey, come on,
he's not over the edge.
‐[scoffs]
‐He's insanely
jealous of you.
‐[laughs]
And he follows you everywhere.
He doesn't follow me
everywhere, just, uh...
one or two places. [chuckles]
I don't know,
maybe it's the MS or
maybe...
I don't know what it is.
I‐I didn't wanna tell you.
It's a cruel thing,
senility. [sighs]
It could happen to any of us.
We just have to...
live to the fullest.
‐Every moment of our lives.
‐[Myriam] Hear, hear.
Yes, we do.
Hi.
‐Hi.
‐Well, I was
just passing by,
I thought I'd stop in
to say hello.
Jill, in all the 15 years
you've lived in this town,
you never once
stopped in to say hello.
Exactly. Isn't that a shame
when you think about it?
Us living in
a small town and all.
All right.
All right, you're
here for a reason.
What is it?
‐Oh, my God. Nobody
tell me anything anymore.
‐Really?
And you feel that people
are hiding things from you?
You're not gonna
get me with that.
‐Oh, so you think
I'm out to get you.
‐You are out to get me.
I know all your doctors' tricks.
You're gonna ask me
what year it is,
who the President is.
I remember for last time
in the hospital.
Do you think I look like
a man who doesn't know
what year it is?
Oh, of course not.
So, since you know,
what year is it?
Just say it,
let's get it over with.
‐1492.
‐Oh, Doug, come on,
this is serious.
Who is the President?
‐Doug, just answer me.
‐I'm only asking you
because I care.
You do seem a little paranoid.
[sighs] All right, well,
um... [clears throat]
How about this? Um...
What does this mean to you?
A rose by any other name
would smell as sweet.
Romeo and Juliet.
"Act II, Scene II."
I bet not many
of my fellow loonies
can cough that up.
‐Boom! Another name!
‐What?
He has another name.
‐How do you know that
he's Klosterman? Have you
ever seen his picture?
Why, that phoney‐baloney!
Everything he says is a lie!
‐[gasps]
‐Trust no one!
[doors closes]
Are you sure this is okay
for me to be dong this? [sighs]
It's a matter of public record.
Besides, your father
is the Sheriff,
and you're practically
a member of the department.
Keep going.
Okay, "Coroner's Office,
Certificate of Death."
"Klosterman Harold."
‐Mr. Wambaugh, this is so...
‐Say it, Kimberley.
Crazy.
‐I understand how
you must feel, but...
‐Kimberley...
look at me in the eye.
[sighs]
I'm upset.
My wife of 40 years
is seeing another man.
The betrayal is, uh...
I hope you never know
what it's like.
But I am in touch with reality.
I live by my wits.
And my radar tells me
that something is wrong.
I need your help.
And nobody else will believe me.
[beeping, stops]
‐Oh, my God!
‐Wesley Banes, FBI.
‐Looking for Sheriff Brock.
‐He's dead, of course!
‐Sheriff Brock?
‐Over there.
He's dead! Why, that creep!
He took his name,
his reputation,
his trader's license,
his access to Cutter Sloan
before the paperwork catches up,
and cuts off
his check authorizations.
‐He's dead.
[laughs triumphantly]
‐Let me go find Dad.
[laughs] You're dead.
That's what you are,
you're dead.
[laughs] He's dead.
He's dead.
‐Oh, hi, Doug.
‐Harold Klosterman died
February 28th, 1996
of a cardiac arrest!
And everybody here
thinks that I'm crazy.
He's dead.
He's dead!
‐I thought you were going in.
‐You know, I was
gonna, but, uh...
Carter, what in the hell
are you doing?
Who put you up to this?
‐It was Jill Brock,
of course.
‐Not exactly.
Henry Bone then. Damn it,
Carter, give me the truth
and don't patronize me.
It was Jill and Bone.
‐And Jimmy and Kenny, and‐‐
‐Oh, damn it, Carter.
Please, I'm not crazy.
‐Klosterman is dead.
‐Of course he is.
Come. Come back to
the station, I want you
to look at the computer.
I think what we should do is
go home, have a nice hot cup
of cocoa and a long nap.
Okay.
Okay.
[sighs]
You want to follow me?
Follow me.
[suspenseful music playing]
‐Is this Myriam's place?
‐No.
‐It's Hal Klosterman's place.
‐What!
‐You have keys
to Hal Klosterman's place?
‐No, but Sven Jgorson did.
‐Sven who?
‐Sven Jgorson.
I defended him on breaking
and entering two years ago.
I got him the minimal sentence.
He couldn't afford to pay me
so he gave me his tools.
All you have to do is match
the lock brand and type,
and you're in.
God, when I was a kid,
I used to dream about
having keys like this.
Wait a minute.
We just broke and entered.
‐How much time did
Sven Jgorson get?
‐Five years with good behavior.
‐Couldn't we have
obtained a search warrant?
‐Are you kidding?
Had I opened my mouth,
Henry would've certified me,
all of you would have.
I don't like this.
We're gonna end up in a cell
next to Sven Jgorson.
‐[sighs] Don't worry about him,
he's not in jail anymore.
‐They let him out already?
Another inmate stabbed him
to death with a cafeteria fork.
He took their money.
‐The inmates?
‐No, Klosterman was
taking their money.
It says so right here,
and not investing in anything!
Cutter Sloane.
Account number 44907...
Every check in this account
is written for Lester Blodchet.
That's how he got their money.
They must've given him
power of attorney
to purchase stocks,
instead, he was writing
checks to himself!
Obviously, not reflected in
any of these stock reports.
Well, these are fakes!
Anyone with a computer
can dummy one of these up.
My God!
This is incredible,
he's defrauded...
1993, 1991...
This could be hundreds
of thousands of dollars.
‐The rogue moving
from town to town.
‐Let's get a search warrant.
I'm gonna be deputized on this,
I can just feel it.
‐[gasps]
‐[lock clicks]
‐[Hal Klosterman
talking indistinctly]
‐The closet, quick!
I can't hide in the closet.
I'm the county medical examiner.
Do you want him to shoot you?
He's a criminal, Carter.
[Myriam talking indistinctly]
‐Myriam?
‐Come on,
get in the closet.
‐[Myriam] Thank you.
‐[romantic music playing]
Uh, Myriam, I, um...
‐I have to go away
for a few days.
‐Go where?
Uh, Chicago. I'm needed there.
Oh, don't worry,
sweetheart, I'll be
back soon, I promise you.
Na‐uh.
‐[Hal] Uh, Myriam, if, uh,
if anything should ever
‐[coughs]
happen to me, uh...
just please know, no matter what
I really do love you.
‐Doug?
‐Shut up!
‐[wheezes] I really
have to tell you.
‐[shushes]
I'm severely allergic to...
‐Wall... [indistinct]
‐Hmm?
‐[sneezes]
‐[Wambaugh shushes]
Stand back.
[gun cocks]
‐[sneezes]
‐You!
Well, if it isn't
Hal Klusterman.
‐"Klosterman."
‐Whatever.
You know, I didn't actually
think I'd see you here,
seeing as you've been
dead since February 28th.
‐What?
‐[coughs, mumbles]
‐You're... You're insane!
‐Am I?
‐Where's the stock, Hal?
You know what?
‐[continues coughing]
There is none. Because
you've been cashing
those checks yourself.
You stole thousands
of dollars from my wife,
from those elderly women
their pensions,
their life savings,
and I can prove it! Lester!
‐[groans]
‐[Myriam] Lester?
Well, what have you got
to say for yourself? Lester!
‐[groans, screams]
‐[Myriam] Hal!
Oh, God...
Oh, Hal...
‐[indistinct conversations]
‐[siren wails]
He was a rat, Myriam.
He lived like a rat
and he died like a rat.
I didn't kill him,
the truth killed him.
He was killed by the specter
of his own vileness.
‐Don't talk to me!
‐Oh, Myriam.
Carter?
What the hell were you thinking?
Hiding in a closet, you
could've been shot to death.
‐I sent you here
to watch Doug, dammit.
‐I got carried away.
[scoffs]
Any fingerprints?
Something this complicated,
he could have accomplices.
Yeah, somebody
beside Klosterman touched
every document in this file.
Fingerprint here, here, here.
All over the desk.
Right. Mine.
Oh, great. Now, we have
no leads and accomplices.
[Banes] But I do.
Wesley Banes, FBI.
You Sheriff Brock?
I've been looking
all over for you.
Blodget was working this con
for about five years.
Broker from some big
financial firm died,
he and his partner stuck in,
cleaned out that guy's
office that day.
Stationary, signing platforms,
business cards, statements.
Here's the partner.
Lucy Wanamaker.
That's the woman I saw
at the Philly motel.
They'd hit on the elderly,
the lonely, the vulnerable,
get one per sucker to tumble,
and then rope in the friends.
Well, why would the FBI
be interested in
two small‐time conners?
Well, we've got
reason to believe they
work for Abe Felson.
‐Never heard of Abe Felson?
‐Yeah, he had something
to do with, uh...
‐Myolaski, right?
‐It's a bootlegger firm.
[inhales sharply] He
used to operate for him
up here in Wisconsin,
ran the stuff through Canada.
Rumor was,
guy was so ruthless,
even Myolaski was
afraid of him.
Yeah, but nobody ever
actually saw the guy, right?
No, they say he still lives in
a shack somewhere up north,
‐still runs half
the action in Wisconsin.
‐Oh, come on, he's dead.
He's‐he's gotta be.
If that was in his 20s,
he'd have to be...
‐He's in his late 90s.
‐This is insane.
One of Laski's men
still out there?
I'm just repeating
what they say.
We've been looking
for him for a long time.
Well, we'll take Blodget's body,
see if any friends
or relatives show up.
We do have some
fingerprint evidence,
but unfortunately, it, uh...
all leads to medical examiner.
[romantic music playing]
Come on, I'll walk you home.
Leave me alone.
He had a bad heart.
It isn't my fault.
How can you blame me for this?
I‐I'm the white hat here.
You take...
everything in my life
‐and ruin it.
‐But, Myriam...
he lost $20,000 of my money.
Oh, yes. Money.
It always comes around
to money with you.
He cheated
your friends, admit it.
You're humiliated.
He humiliated you.
And it's easier to take it
out on me than on him.
'Cause I'm still here
and he's dead, and you
can't arraign a corpse.
You killed
the man who taught me
what romance meant.
He was a criminal.
He was lying to you. Everything
he said to you was a lie.
When he told you his name,
he was lying.
When he told you he loved you,
‐he was lying.
‐He made me happy.
He was using you, Myriam.
You are nothing to him
but a checkbook.
I knew that.
Thank you so much...
for bringing it to my attention.
[sighs]
You're welcome.
[slow instrumental
music playing]
[papers crumpling]
[door opens]
Selma?
I thought you weren't
due back until next week.
‐[suspenseful music playing]
‐[gasps]
I can explain everything.
[groans, thuds]
What? Klosterman's alive?
Possibly.
Results from the blood sample
came after the FBI
already claimed the body.
Extremely high levels
of propanol hydrochloride.
That's given to heart patients
to lower blood pressure.
He combined it with
a very high dose of diazepam,
the combination could
lower blood pressure
to the point of being
undetectable. Virtually.
‐You say he could survive this?
‐Possibly. [gulps]
‐You were right there
when he dropped!
‐I know.
‐You examined him.
‐I know.
I keep going over it
in my mind, and... [sighs]
the thing is, he started
coughing, putting his hand
over his mouth,
I think he might have
ingested the drug then.
‐You pronounced him dead.
‐[gulps loudly]
‐Probably a little
hasty on my part.
‐[groans]
I was agitated, Jimmy!
The man collapsed
at my feet! We...
have been hiding in the closet.
‐I wasn't on my game.
‐[groans]
Okay. Okay, okay.
‐What's the status
of the body now?
‐Banes took it, remember?
Fine, fine. We call
the FBI before‐‐
No, that's another thing.
The FBI doesn't have the body.
‐You said Banes had it.
‐Well, he does.
‐Well, then we call the FBI.
‐I already did.
‐What did he say?
‐Nothing.
I mean, he might have, if
the FBI had any record of
an employee by that name.
There's no such person
as Wesley Banes.
[coughing]
Oh, I know it sounds crazy.
Sure, I started out on a con,
‐but once I got
to know you, I‐‐
‐And so,
after you revived
from the drugs,
you tried to talk to you partner
into giving you they money so
you could return it to me?
‐Mm‐hmm.
‐Out of remorse?
‐Hmm.
‐Because you had
fallen in love with me.
‐Hmm.
‐And she shot you,
but you just kept
running through the woods
till you got here to me?
You expect me
to believe this drivel?
‐[grunts]
‐What's the game, Hal?
Give it to me straight,
you owe me that courtesy.
I may be a sucker,
but God help me, I am
only a sucker once.
What do you want now?
More money, a car, what?
My God, you hate me.
I hate myself, if that's
any consolation.
You made a fool of me
in front of my friends,
in front of my husband.
I wanted to tell you.
So many times,
I almost told you.
Oh, I know I am a liar.
Despicable liar.
It's compulsion.
[stutters] A power thing.
I was five foot one
until I was 16. They
used to stuff me in lockers.
‐[scoffs]
‐Oh, what does it matter,
you probably don't believe
that either, why should you?
[stammers] You are
the kindest, most generous,
most trusting, most
real woman I have ever met.
And when I was with you,
I felt for the first time that
I could dare to be myself,
the real me. Not...
Hal Klosterman, Mr. Money Bags,
but me, Lester Blodget.
[chuckles] I'm a nice guy.
I collect stamps,
I know a million jokes.
God, I sound pathetic.
Anyway...
here's your money.
‐Oh.
‐Count it,
it's all there.
Good lord! It's all $100 bills.
You're a
beautiful person,
Myriam,
and you gave me
the happiest four weeks
of my life.
‐Oh! [groans]
‐[indistinct]
Just... Just a scrape.
‐Oh, my God!
‐Oh, don't worry about me,
‐I'm a tough old bird.
‐No, no, no, I'm gonna
get you to the hospital.
‐[Myriam gasps]
‐[suspenseful music playing]
Hi.
Mr. Banes, right? FBI.
‐Right.
‐Thank God!
I was worried about
Myriam will all this blood.
I called her and there
was no answer.
Myriam! Myriam!
‐Let me.
‐Huh.
‐Myriam.
‐Sheldon?
Sheldon?
Sheldon.
Oye.
So do we shoot him here, or
do we, uh, take him into
the woods and shoot him?
Let's just shoot him here.
Why bother with the woods?
Cops find the bodies here,
they'll be after us right away.
No bodies, they could
go days before anyone
reports them missing.
So, um, let's uh...
let's shoot 'em here
and then...
‐and then dump
the bodies in the woods.
‐[Hal continues coughing]
Yeah, but how do we
get them in the car? It's
only a two‐door, you know?
‐[scoffs]
‐Oh, for crying out loud,
will you quit with the coughing?
‐[Hal continues coughing]
‐Well, this is an honor.
I get to die covered in phlegm
of the man who taught you
what romance is.
It's all your fault, Douglas. If
you hadn't stuck your nose in,
we wouldn't be here.
What? He would've
taken you for everything
he had. You would've‐‐
‐I would've been alive!
‐You would've hated yourself
for the rest of your life.
Never had a chance to face him.
Never had a chance
to tell him what a lying,
shameless, toad he is!
The man who taught you
what romance is!
‐You said that?
‐Oh, shut up, Hal.
Lester, whatever.
For crying out loud,
will you shoot him?
Or shoot me.
So I don't have to listen
to this Camille routine.
The man who taught her what
romance was after 40 years
‐of marriage.
‐Oh, as if that would
mean anything to you.
Forty years and you never
even told me you love me.
‐You never even told her
you loved her?
‐Oh, shut up, Hal.
Lester.
‐Lester. Who the hell
cares who you are.
Would you just
go ahead and shoot us?
Let's just get
this thing over with.
My pleasure.
[gun cocks]
‐[stutters] Oh, in heaven's
name, not until I've made up.
‐[Myriam whines]
If not for their sake,
Lucy, for mine.
For ours.
For what you and I
once meant to each other.
We meant crap
to each other, Hal.
‐I didn't feel that way.
‐[sighs]
I'm sorry, Myriam.
‐For what?
‐Ah, for everything.
For what I said
at our anniversary.
Well, I‐I‐I know that
I'm not an easy man
to live with, but
you were always there for me.
Maybe I didn't say so, but...
All right, I'm not good
at that, but I do, I‐‐
‐All right, all right,
enough already.
‐[cocks gun]
[Myriam gasps]
Oh, would you let the man talk?
[sighs]
You meant a lot to me.
I want you to know
how much you've
‐meant‐‐
‐Good God!
Just say it, man!
You got a gun
to your head, say it.
"I love you. I love you."
I love you, Myriam. More than
the Moon loves the Earth.
More than the river
loves the ocean.
More than the...
‐bitch loves her pups.
I love you. I love you. I lo‐‐
‐Oh, shut up, Hal.
Well, he can't say it,
he's an old dog.
He can't change now,
it's too much to expect.
Just shoot us.
Oh, I can change. You think
I'm too old to change?
I think you can change
because we've only got
two seconds to live.
‐Go on, say it!
‐[grumbles]
Myriam...
you're a part of me,
and I am part of you,
and if you deny that...
then you might as well deny
we ever lived at all.
You think I don't
love you, Myriam?
You are my whole life!
Yes, Myriam...
I love you.
‐[Hal sobbing]
‐Thank God.
[Hal continues sobbing]
That was so beautiful.
Even if it did
take a gun to
your head to say it.
[continues sobbing]
Any last words, Lester?
‐Actually, I‐‐
‐[door opens]
‐[gunshots]
‐[Lacy groans]
‐Abe!
‐Abe?
Abe?
‐[suspenseful music playing]
‐You're from the motel.
Abe Felsen?
‐You're Chinese!
‐Half Chinese.
‐You look great
for a guy in his 90s.
‐You killed your own people.
They ditched me
and found the lock.
Thought they could
run out on me.
Now, is that nice?
Hmm. [kisses]
So, Lester, what's the story?
‐Fall in love again?
‐I do love her.
‐I do, I swear.
‐Yeah, yeah,
you love her more.
Nice vase.
I can shoot the mites
off of a flea's butt.
‐But that's
Selma's Waterford.
‐Forget Selma.
[Myriam gasps]
‐It's the arthritis.
‐Abe.
[smirks]
I was loyal, Abe. I was
gonna give the money to you.
You know, after all
we've been through.
[stutters] What you and I
once meant to each other.
You're a
pathological liar,
Lester. [chuckles]
Yeah. I'm gonna take
care of you first.
[snickering]
And then I'll do
the two love birds.
‐Oh.
‐Oh,
as God as my judge,
I did really love you.
‐Shut up, Lester.
‐May I just say
one word before her?
I merely thought you might
want to be aware that
though we may be a bunch
of hayseeds
out here in Rome,
well, no comparison to a man
who cut his teeth with Myolaski.
And I admit...
you played us all here like
a whole section of violins
in a pretty shabby orchestra.
Sooner or later, we do catch on.
Yes, I do have a point.
It's being that Sheriff Brock
and about 50 deputies
are just outside
that window right now,
and it might go easier for you
if you don't add
another three corpses
to your body count!
[chuckles nervously]
[guns cocking]
‐I thought you were kidding!
‐[Jimmy] Police! Drop it!
All right, all right, all right,
all right, all right.
[all clamoring]
‐Myriam? Doug?
‐Lester.
You're under arrest, Lester.
‐Watch that step there.
‐Yeah.
[all talking indistinctly]
Hmm...
I'm, uh, sorry about everything.
I'm trying to understand
how you must feel.
Even though I don't.
I'm an old dog, Myriam, uh...
maybe I am too old
to change, I don't know. I...
I don't always listen.
I don't always understand.
Well... [chuckles]
nobody's perfect.
We weren't always
happy, I know that...
but we had our moments.
Maybe, uh, you could've
done better. Maybe, uh,
I did my best.
Maybe I‐I didn't.
I don't know.
I‐I‐I was myself,
what could anyone be? I...
I'm impossible.
Myriam...
I haven't slept in months,
not since you left.
I haven't slept
so well myself.
I won't let us die
without a fight.
Just give me that.
[dramatic music playing]
Okay.
How about it? We...
We go for a walk, huh?
I'll buy you coffee.
[laughs]
[theme music playing]
[theme music ends]