Picket Fences (1992–1996): Season 4, Episode 14 - The Z Files - full transcript

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[romantic music playing]

[Zack] Rats.

[computer beeping]

‐[keyboard clacking]
‐[beep]

‐[Jill] Zachary, you're not
still up, are you?
‐[knock on door]

Zachary Brock, you better be
in bed.

[theme music playing]

[theme music ends]

‐[keyboard clacking]
‐[indistict chatter]

‐Can you fix it?
‐I don't know.

First, I have to see
if it's a bad sector



or, you know, glitch
in the video feedback

or maybe a problem
with the scanner.

Wait a minute.

‐[keyboard clacking]
‐[beep]

[Kevin] Awesome!
Keep going, man.

‐This is as far as it got.
‐Oh, this is so cool.

You put Bromley's face
on that body.

You're, like, a genius, Brock.

[Zack] Well, Jurassic Park,
they broke the ice,

but I'm just merely
following their footsteps.

Bromley's so uptight.
She'd die if she ever saw this.

I gotta have it.

You know what?

I just happen to have a copy
right here.



Yes.

‐But it'll cost you.
‐Name it.

[tapping on desk]

I want to see
Emily Paulson's pierced navel,

up close and personal.

No way.

‐She's your girlfriend.
‐I can't do that, Brock.

Get real.

‐Okay, fine.
‐[unzipping bag]

Okay, okay, I'll make it happen.

I don't know how, but I will.

‐Deal.
‐Yes.

[school bell ringing]

[indistinct chatter]

[kids] Bye.

[kid 1] Okay.

‐[kid 2] Yes.
‐[kid 3] Fine.

[door closes]

[keyboard clicking]

[Kenny] So, who's Don?

Kenny, does the concept
of personal privacy
mean anything to you?

Who's Don?

Kind of a pen‐pal,
if you must know.

‐A pen‐pal?
‐Yeah, we met in a chat room.

You know, online. Computers.

Modem.

Hello?

Chat room. That's like, uh,
computer dating.

Kenny, do you live in a cave?

So I don't like computers.
Shoot me.

Okay.

A chat room
is kind of like a bar,

only without
the obnoxious drunks
and smoke.

So, you sit at home, all alone,
just you on the computer,

and you talk to guys on that,
and that's supposed to be fun?

You can meet
some very interesting people.

Let me get this straight.

You're willing to date
a complete stranger

‐based on his typing ability?
‐[chuckles]

We have been trading email
for weeks.

He's a veterinarian.

He loves Woody Allen films
and he writes amazing poetry.

We decided to meet at O'Kelly's
to decide
if we wanna have a date.

Max, I don't want to burst
your bubble or anything,

but you believe what a guy says
to you on his computer?

I mean, ask yourself this:

what kind of a guy spends
his life on a computer

trying to pick up girls?

I see thick glasses, pimples,

and one of those pocket things
for his pen.

Think about it.

[indistinct chatter]

[Kevin] You lost it!

Look, are you sure
I didn't give it to you?

Positive. You checked
the computer lab?

Yeah, it wasn't in the A drive.
Check this for me, okay?

‐Lost and found.
‐Hey, I've been there twice,
come on.

Don't worry about it, man.

If you have to, you can copy
one off mine.

Look, I don't need another copy.

‐So, what's the problem?
‐Are you kidding me?

If that thing should fall
into the wrong hands...

[Oslo] Zachary Brock to
the principal's office, please.

Zachary Brock, please report
to the principal's office.

I'm a dead man.

‐[laughter]
‐[indistinct chatter]

[chuckles softly]

Are you Don?

Well, I could be.

Never mind.

[indistinct chatter]

See, right out there.

Hi.

Hey, you look great.

Maxine?

Don?

‐Hi. [chuckles]
‐Hi.

What?

Oh, it... it's just
that you're taller
than I expected,

but that's okay.
I mean, it's not a problem.

I like to get dressed up
and wear high heels sometimes.

Good. You're everything
I pictured... and more.

Yeah?

Care to...

‐[chuckles softly]
‐Sure.

Well, you know, I... I knew
that you had to be bright.

And since you're a cop,
I thought you'd be
in pretty good shape.

But you didn't tell me that
you were so beautiful.

Uh...

I bet you say that
to all your pen‐pals.

[chuckles] You're the first.

‐Really?
‐Well, I've never followed up
on it before.

I mean, most of the stuff
in the chat boards,
it's so superficial.

‐Right.
‐People tend to lie
about themselves,

want to be something
they're not.

Exactly. You never really know
who you are talking to.

But with you, I sensed
a real connection.

I thought, finally, I mean,
here's someone I really
wanna meet.

[chuckles] Me, too.

[laughs]

Um, how about a drink?

Oh, uh, I'm on duty.

A coffee?

Yeah. Milk and a little sugar,
please.

You got it.

Yes.

[Oslo] The clip stops there.

Uh, I... I don't know
what to say.

I'm so sorry, Carol.

Where did you get this,
young man?

It's just
Ms. Bromley's face, Dad.

I morphed it
onto part of a clip

that I downloaded
from a website.

‐Morphed?
‐Computer term.

Zack is a very bright
computer student, Mr. Brock.

‐You did this at school?
‐Partially.

Oh, Zachary.

It was just a joke.

[Jimmy] Well, it's not funny,
young man,

and you owe an apology
to Ms. Bromley
right this second.

[Ms. Bromley] He has already
apologized, Mr. Brock.

What I'd really like to know is,
whether this has been given
to other students?

What about it, Zachary?

No.

It was just for me, that's all.

All right then, Ms. Bromley,
if you'll escort
Zachary outside,

I'd like to have a few words
with the sheriff
and Dr. Brock.

[phone ringing]

Zachary, move along.

‐[Zack] Am I expelled?
‐Detention, young man.
Two weeks.

And suspension
of your computer privileges
for the rest of the term.

‐[indistinct chatter]
‐[phone ringing]

‐How could you let this happen?
‐What?

How could you?

Should word
of Zachary's little escapade

in virtual reality leak out,

the entire school system
could be at risk.

I could be sued.

There could be
criminal implications,
for God's sakes.

Your son produced pornography
on school property

using equipment paid for
by the taxpayer's dollar.

I can't believe
he could do this.

[Oslo] Well, there are plenty
of people out there

just waiting to blow the lid
on this whole cyberspace thing,

and I don't want any part of it.

All right, Michael,
we'll talk to him.

Dad, you could have erased that
on the computer.

Consider it erased.

That was the only copy, right?

Well, it's also
on my hard drive.

[Jimmy] Couldn't just give
a Smith Corona to the kids.

Yeah, if the typewriter's
good enough for me,

I don't know why it wouldn't be
good enough for these kids.

This thing's a monster,

making slaves out of us.

[pants]

This thing is off‐limits
until further notice.

You understand that, young man?

And if, uh...
if you ever do something,

if you ever do something
like this again...

[sighs] ...I don't know
what I'll do.

You... You don't
want to find out.

How am I gonna do my homework?

The old fashioned way
with paper and pencil.

You didn't make a copy for me?

Computers are terrible things.

I never trusted them
I've always hated them.

You sons are chauvinist pigs.

‐[Jimmy] My sons?
‐Well, I certainly never

taught them to view women
as tits and ass.

What, and I did?

Jill, part of this
is just adole‐‐

I'm too upset, Jimmy.
I don't want to talk about it.

‐The whole thing makes me sick.
‐[sighs]

Always felt Zack spent
too much time in front
of that damn thing.

I don't wanna talk about it,
Jimmy. I'm gonna go to a movie.

I'm gonna stuff my face
with malted milk balls

and forget I have a family.

‐[door slams shut]
‐What?

Kevin, Zack.

Hey, do you still have that copy
of the "Z Files"?

Got it right here, my man.
Why?

‐[Zack] I need it back.
‐What?

I told Oslo I had the only copy.

But we had a deal.

Hey, this is my life
we are talking about here.

If my dad finds out I'm lying,
he'd kill me.

Okay, okay,
I'll give you the disk.

‐Copied it to the net anyway.
‐What?

[Kevin] I uploaded it onto
this usenet group I know

so my cousin in Colorado
could see it.

You put it on the net?

You put the "Z Files"
on the World Wide Web?

Jeez, how could you be
such an idiot?

Hey, don't have a cow.

I didn't know. How was I
supposed to know?

I thought you'd be jazzed.

I mean, you're immortal, man.

I signed your name
in everything.

Look, I don't want
to be immortal.

Thousands of people
could see it,

download it, distribute it.

You gotta get it back.

Okay, sure.

How?

[doorbell rings]

Don, is that you?

[Don] Expecting someone else?

Let's rock and roll.

[Max] Eh‐eh, uh, uh...

Don, are we going
to a costume party?

[chuckles softly] Listen,
come on,

I know a great Italian place
in Stevens Point.

‐What, you want French? Chinese?
‐[chuckles]

This is a joke, right?

I mean, I know
you have a sense of humor.

Oh, the dress too much for you?
The...

The dress, yeah,
and, uh, the hair.

Pearls.

You're wearing pumps.

‐You didn't know.
‐Know what?

That I'm a cross‐dresser?

How was I supposed
to know that?

Because we met on
the Mix and Match Chatboard.

What else did you expect?

Mix and Match.

See, I thought that meant
"male‐female," but it doesn't,
does it?

Oh, my God.

I had no idea.

When I first saw your name,
Max,

I said, "Here's a gal who really
knows what's going on."

‐Oh...
‐And I thought we really
connected at O'Kelly's.

Me, too.

Uh... Tough luck, huh?

Okay, so we're both
a bit surprised.

‐Yeah... [chuckles nervously]
‐[chuckles]

But that doesn't mean
we still can't go out
and have a good time.

Uh, Don, uh... I think it does.

‐Why?
‐Because you're wearing
a dress.

You can't get past that, huh?

[sighs] Okay.

I understand.

Can't say that
I'm not disappointed.

But, look, it was really nice
getting to know you.

Drop me some email
if you change your mind.

Oh!

Women aren't objects
to be manipulated

like characters
in some computer game, Zachary.

Is that where you got the idea,
from a computer game?

No.
I was just goofing around.

I mean,
I like computer animation.

Do you have a particular problem
with Ms. Bromley?

She's kind of strict
and I thought it'd be funny.

[sighs]

Well, in my day, we'd just...

draw some silly cartoon
and that would be the end of it.

The point that we're trying
to make here, Zachary,

is that sex isn't a game.

It... It makes it dehumanizing
and ugly.

Do you understand that, Zachary?

How would you feel

if someone did this to your mom
or Kimberly?

How would you feel?

‐Awful.
‐Awful. Right.

Now, you remember that
next time you think
of doing something like this.

‐Yeah.
‐[Jimmy] Okay.

‐Goodnight.
‐Goodnight.

‐Goodnight, honey. Mwah.
I love you.
‐Love you.

[Jimmy] Love you, too, bubala.

[door closes]

‐[fax machine beeping]
‐[indistinct chatter]

So how did it go?

‐How did what go?
‐You know, yesterday
with Mr. Computer.

Oh, okay.

Hmm. Geek, right? Like I said.

In fact, he's quite gorgeous.

Gorgeous?

Handsome.

So, what,
you're gonna see him again?

I don't think so.

Didn't hit it off, huh?

Actually, we had more in common
that even you could imagine.

Hey, Zack.

[Edward] Okay, number 346,
please.

‐Hi, Edward.
‐[gasps]

‐What do you want?
‐What I was wondering is,

how can you delete a program
on the Internet

once it's posted up
to a user group?

‐Do you control the user group?
‐No.

Well, then,
hasta la vista, baby.

Why?

Because you... you don't control
the software.

Once you upload,
you can kiss goodbye.

Your stuff is floating around
planet Earth

until the sys op
or the web master

decides to blow it up.
Bro.

What about a trap door.
They gotta
have a trap door, don't they?

Get out of here, okay.
Go to school or something.

You are the guru of Rome.

You gotta help me.

No. You listen, pal.

Not even God can help you now,
okay?

Only Bill Gates himself.

[sighs]

‐Carter?
‐Hmm.

You dated a transsexual, right?

[sighs] Once.

I went out with her once
and I didn't know it
at the time, okay?

I thought he was a she. Now,
technically, he was a she,

but nobody knew she'd been a he.

Carter, it's okay.

Why, are you dating
a transsexual?

No, I just know a...

transvestite, or a cross‐dresser
actually.

Cross‐dresser, ooh.

Interesting subset of the whole
transgender cohort.

It's not as uncommon
as you think.

Studies show that up to 10%
of American men

enjoy wearing women's clothing,
especially undergarments.

‐You're kidding?
‐We're talking
straight men here,

heterosexual all the way.

So it's not that weird.

Well, it's definitely weird.

Gender dysphoria, dissonance
between body and brain.

Frankly, the question
has transfixed psychologists
for years.

It doesn't mean you shouldn't
go out with the guy.

[Max] Carter,

I'm a police officer.
I can't be seen out in public

with a man who dresses
like a woman.

Why not?
You're dressed like a man.

This is a uniform.
I'd say that's different.

[Carter] Is it? Why?

Forgive me
for waxing philosophical here,

but are we talking
fashion statement
or deviant behavior?

Food for thought.

God, Carter!

Am I that desperate
that I can go out with a guy

who looks better in...
than I do?

Only you can answer that.

I haven't had a date
in six months.

I think I scare men.

But you don't scare him?

[scoffs] No.

He thinks I'm great.

Well, that should
tell you something.

Don't you dare tell anybody
about this.

[door slams shut]

[breathing]

I can't believe it.
It's Ms. Bromley.

‐Yes.
‐Yes.

Take it off, baby!

‐Take it off!
‐It's outrageous.

Brock did this all by himself.
That nerd.

‐Oh, man!
‐[Kevin] Hey, the guy's
not without

his redeeming social values.

‐[kid] What... What happened?

‐This is as far as it goes.
‐[both] No!

Oh!

Uh... This sucks.

Problem, boys?

Ms. Bromley.

‐[Jill] How could you have
let him‐‐
‐[man] This is all your fault.

‐We shouldn't even be here.
‐[woman] Don't accuse us,
Jill Brock.

‐Your son‐‐
‐[Douglas] All right, all right.

[Jimmy] Wait a minute. Wait now.

‐We had the problem controlled.
‐[Douglas] All right.

Your son put it on the Internet.

[people talking over each other]

‐[blows whistle]
‐[people arguing]

‐All right.
‐That's the whole thing,
wide open.

‐That's it. Shut up!
‐[Jimmy] Yeah, all right.

Shut up and sit down!

Eh... I sound like Henry.

She can really sue us?

Not only can she, but she is.

The four of you
are being charged
with negligent supervision.

The children are being named
for emotional distress,

libel, and sexual harassment.

‐How can she go after the boys?
‐How can she go after us?

You're being sued
for negligence.

All my son did was post a file
on the Internet.

‐Well...
‐Well, according
to her complaint,

they've been receiving
over 600 hits an hour
from around the globe.

‐You're kidding.
‐[Douglas] Oh, yes.

There's a whole new world
out there.

Legally speaking, one might say,
it's an untamed wilderness.

Are you suggesting Bromley might
actually get away with this?

What kind of damages
are we looking at here?

The suit is seeking $500, 000.

‐500?
‐What?

‐It's a nice round number.
‐Doug?

‐How could they possibly‐‐
‐[Douglas] Relax.

‐500? Are we‐‐
‐Relax. Relax.

I'm filing a motion to dismiss.

With any luck, we'll have
this thing thrown out tomorrow.

And if that doesn't work?

Well, you start
liquidating assets.

‐[sighs]
‐[Douglas] Come on, come on.
Brighten up.

It's only a joke. [laughs]

So, we're gonna have
to sell the house?

Of course not, Matthew.

Just don't sell the car,

at least not before
I get my driver's license.

Matthew, nobody said anything
about selling the house
or the car, okay?

Can we change the subject,
please?

Hey, Hugh Hefner, can you pass
the potatoes, please?

‐Matthew!
‐Matthew!

Look, I didn't mean it,
I didn't mean to do it.

Wish I never learned
how to use a computer.

Ms. Bromley hates me,
you guys hate me,
now we're gonna lose our house.

Honey, nobody hates you,

‐and we're not gonna lose
the house.
‐[sighs]

You just made a mistake, okay?

We're just disappointed
that you lied to us, son.

You didn't consider
anyone else's feelings.

‐Zack. Aww... [sighs]
‐[crying]

[doorbell rings]

‐Don?
‐Look, Max.

Before you close the door
on the two of us,

I just wanted a chance
to plead my case.

Come in.

[Don sighs]

Max, can you honestly say
that you haven't been
thinking about me?

Look,

when I stopped by
the other night,

you saw a freak,

something perverted, scary.

It's okay. Uh... I understand.

But to me,

you were looking at a man
very much in touch
with his feminine side,

not afraid
to express his feelings.

Come on, Don.

I mean, think about it, Max.

50 years ago, women weren't
allowed to wear pants in public.

‐So?
‐Your sex has made
tremendous strides.

But what about men?
I mean, we're not allowed
to explore our feelings,

our softer side, our gentleness.

Well, some of us refuse
to go along with that.

‐But why? I mean, how‐‐
‐How did it get started?

Mom.

She wanted a little girl.

She used to put me in dresses.

Hmm.

[Don] Anyway, I liked it.

The whole thing
never really interfered
with my masculine activities.

I played football
in high school and college.

But didn't it affect
your social life?

Inevitably, yeah.

There'd be the moment of truth.

You know, things would heat up.

I'd shuck my jeans,

and my date would notice that
I was wearing halter sheers,

stuff like that.

‐[sighs]
‐I thought about repressing it.

Don't let people know.

But then I thought,
"Why be ashamed?"

There's nothing wrong with me.

So, I chose my course.

No tears, no regrets.

Today, when I put on
pantyhose...

I feel great.

And it's not just the thrill
of the nylon.

I am striking a blow
for social progress,

for breaking down stereotypes,

for promoting
greater understanding
between the sexes.

And if that means...

I have to go through
life alone...

so be it.

That's all I have to say.

I'll leave now.

[Max] W... Wait a second.

You want a cup of coffee?

Coffee would be great.

[door closes]

[dog barking in distance]

‐He's asleep.
‐[Jill] Good.

Zack is gonna have to learn
there are consequences
for his actions

even if he is a kid.

Did you know

he can get pornography
on that thing?

No. Uh...

I mean, buy a computer
for these boys

and then we just let them lose.

I thought
we were being enlightened,

‐but maybe we were just
being careless.
‐[sighs]

I should have
supervised him more.

How are you gonna supervise him?

You have to call Zack
when you want to program a VCR.

[chuckles] Yeah, I know. [sighs]

[Jimmy] I know how to get
on the terminals at work,

and that's all I know
about computers.
I...

I wouldn't know how to get
on the Internet
if my life depended on it.

We laugh about it, but, Jimmy,
the fact is
we haven't kept up.

Yeah.

Maybe now
we gotta pay the price.

I move for immediate dismissal
of all claims.

[Judge Bone] That's nice.

On what grounds?

We're talking
about a practical joke, Judge.

A childhood prank

that the plaintiff has blown
completely out of proportion.

Some prank.

[Douglas] You've seen
the evidence.

It's obvious
the plaintiff's image

has been grafted
on to another woman's body.

Obvious?

Then explain why my client
has received

over 300 indecent messages
since this program went public.

Life requires a sense of humor,
Your Honor.

Adolescent high jinks
may try our patience,

but since when
do they constitute

intentional infliction
of emotional distress?

Now, if my clients' had placed
a whoopee cushion
on the plaintiff's chair

and she sat down on it,

would that entitle her
to legal damages?

These are good boys, Judge.

If they're guilty of anything,

it's being 12 years old.

There was no malice involved,
hence no libel.

As for sexual harassment...
[laughs]

...why... why they couldn't even
spell it, much less inflict it.

Now, about the parents.

Consider, Judge,
you could hardly have

four more responsible adults
seated before you:

a sheriff, a business executive,
a guidance counselor,

and a doctor.

Can we seriously believe

these are negligent mothers
and fathers?

Why, of course not.

The only reason they're here,
Your Honor,

is because they're the ones
with deep pockets, not the kids.

‐[man] Oh!
‐That's not true.

‐Quiet.
‐[Douglas] Public opinion
is swinging

towards regulation
of cyberspace.

The plaintiff saw an opportunity
to jump on the bandwagon

‐and she took it.
‐He's lying.

‐Ms. Bromley, please.
‐[people murmuring]

Now, sit down.

This is no business
for the courts, Judge.

It's a family issue,
not a jury issue.

Apologies have been made
and lessons learned.

For once, let's forget
about the lawsuits,

and leave it at that.

He almost makes it sound like
Tom Sawyer, doesn't he?

Childhood pranks,
adolescent high jinks.

Well... let me tell you
how these high jinks
have affected my client.

She can't sleep for more than
four hours a night.

She has chest pains from stress.

She's receiving an average of 25
lewd email messages an hour.

She cannot walk down
a school corridor
without being stared at,

snickered at, or talked about
by both students and teachers.

In short, Your Honor,

my client's reputation
and livelihood

have been destroyed overnight,

and we have a right
to access responsibility.

Zachary Brock
intentionally misappropriated
my client's image

to perpetrate a fraud.

Kevin King intentionally sent
that fraud to a public forum

where he knew anyone with access
to the Internet could see it.

As for the parents,

all four signed agreements
sent home by Rome Junior High

at the beginning
of the school year

agreeing to supervise

their children's use
of online services.

‐I don't recall signing that.
‐Yes, we did, Jimmy.

Do you remember that brochure
you were going to read?

In most respects,
these may be exemplary parents,
Your Honor.

But by failing to monitor
their children's use
of what is not a toy

but a very adult tool,

they allowed a serious offense
to take place.

We don't turn the car keys
over to our kids and simply say,

"Go ahead, have a good time."

Nor should parents
allow their children
to joyride down the Internet

without proper training
and care.
They should have known better.

They said, they knew better,

and to claim ignorance now
is to deny the truth.

The injury done is manifest.

The line
of responsibility clear.

This suit must proceed.

Thank you.

Um, we'll take
a one‐hour recess,

‐at which time
I'll make my ruling.
‐[bangs gavel]

[indistinct chatter]

I'm telling you,
she killed us in there.

Don't throw in the towel
just yet.

Henry's a bulldog
for the First Amendment.

We still got a good shot.

I need some air.

[indistinct chatter]

[Jill sighs]

[sighs]

[indistinct chatter]

[sighs]

Michael, what should I do?
[sighs]

Jimmy hates computers.

I have a laptop at work,
but I...

I've never been online or‐‐

‐You wanna help your children?
‐Well, of course.

I've got two words of advice
for you.

Read aloud.

‐What?
‐I'm serious.

I always have read aloud
to all my children,

but Zachary's 12 now.

Doesn't matter.

Despite all our
pedagogical advances,

despite computers,
despite... everything,

I'm convinced that
reading aloud to your children

for as long as you possibly can

‐is still the best way
to teach them.
‐Hmm.

And be close to them.

Really?

But don't listen to me,
I'm just an old fuddy‐duddy.

I'll be lucky to have a job
once this is all over.

[people murmuring]

Nothing is more sacred to me
than freedom of speech.

But the First Amendment
is not an absolute.

Just because the law
hasn't caught up with cyberspace

doesn't mean a person can do
whatever he wants out there,

any more than he can yell "Fire"
in a crowded movie theater
in Rome, Wisconsin.

Though this may have begun
as a prank,

that's hardly where it ended.

Computers can invade privacy,

spread pornography,

and wreak havoc
on people's lives

just as the plaintiff
has alleged.

In my view, she has
the clear right
to a jury trial.

Though I also agree

that this matter would be
best resolved
outside a courtroom.

A settlement would avoid
what would almost certainly be
a long and risky trial.

Mr. Wambaugh,

your people's exposure
could be extreme.

And one more thing.

And this is strictly
a personal observation.

A lot of this talk
about computers
bringing the world together

strikes me as so much nonsense.

A person sitting alone
in front of a computer screen

is not interacting
with another human being.

He isn't listening
to someone's voice

or looking into someone's eyes.

Perhaps it is this
very disembodiment

of human contact

that encourages youngsters
like Zack and Kevin

to create pornographic material,

to treat people as abstractions

rather than fellow human beings

with very real feelings.

End of speech.

Motion to dismiss denied.

‐[people gasping, chattering]
‐We'll set trial next week.

[bangs gavel]

[people murmuring]

Ms. Bromley?

Yes.

What are you doing?

I'm leaving, Zack.

[Zack] Before the trial?

I mean, I've turned in
my resignation.

I can't teach here anymore.

Something you wanted?

I just wanted to tell you that
I'm sorry,

you know, about everything.

I didn't mean to lie to you
about that other disc.

I didn't know that Kevin
had put it on the net, I swear.

‐Did your parents
put you up to this?
‐No.

I'm grounded. I'm not even
supposed to be here.

[sighs]

I just... I didn't mean
to hurt you

or embarrass you or anything.

[sighs]

I just thought, you know...

[sighs] ...I thought that...

You thought that it'd be cool.

Yeah, kind of.

But it was stupid. I mean,
I know that now.

I didn't mean to...
objectify you or anything.

Well...

it's all I wanted to say.

Well, I accept
your apology, Zack.

But it doesn't change
what happened.

I wish that I could say
that it doesn't hurt,

but it does hurt.

It hurts a lot.

What you and Kevin did
has changed my life.

All right, when they sit down,
let me do the talking.

Judge Bone gave Bromley
plenty of leverage
to come in with a high number.

Now, I can never knock it down
when there's a lot of screaming.

We have to present
a united front.

All right, we get the point.

[Douglas] Come in.
Come in, ladies. Come in.

I want you to know that
we have every intention

of appealing
Judge Bone's ruling,

‐and I will not be bullied by‐‐
‐Skip the grandstanding.

Here's our terms.

Three months' salary,
plus relocation,
and attorneys' costs.

‐That's it?
‐Uh... deal.

I'll draw up the documents.

[Ms. Bromley] I'll let you
work out
the details yourselves.

But first, I'd like to say
a few things.

I didn't start this suit
to make money.

I wanted to set an example.

You have no idea what it's been
like for me the last few days.

But Zack,
he dropped by to see me.

And I realized that
I'm not the only one
who's suffered.

Nothing can change
what happened.

But I do need the means
to make a fresh start

and then we can drop
the whole thing.

I know that you're good parents

because you have good kids.

And I'll miss them.

Nice girl.

‐I hope you like garlic.
‐Mm. Love it.

So how's our little experiment
going?

You feel okay?

Fine. I'm feeling fine.
[chuckles]

I just had a feeling that things
would work out between us.

‐Right.
‐Mm.

It's just clothing after all.

So, how was your day today?

Did you bust anyone,
kick some butt?

Uh... No,
it was pretty quiet actually.

I just stopped
a couple of people
for speeding.

No butt‐kicking... today.

I'm really glad
you invited me, Max.

I just find myself
incredibly attracted to you.

No. Sorry, I can't. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Am I moving too fast?

Uh, no, it's not that. It's...

Well, I'm probably close‐minded
and shallow and petty,

but when I spend time
with a man,
I like to feel like a woman.

I don't make you feel that way?

No, you make me feel like
I'm out with my sister.

You know, women
are always talking about

how they want a sensitive guy,
a gentle guy,

someone who's interested
in their lives,
not just his own,

and as soon as they find one,
they balk.

Face it. What women really want
is that same macho jerk

they've been complaining about
all along.

I know this is probably
all my fault,

and I know it's probably
all in my mind,

and I'm sure under all
of that mascara you wear,

there's a wonderful person
and that's who you really are.

But this is who I really am.

And when you leaned in
to kiss me,

I thought I was just gonna...

I'm sorry.

[sighs]

[clicks tongue] Well,
at least you're being honest.

That's more than I can say
about most women.

See you on the Internet?

Sure.

Oh! Oh...

[Jill] "Whether I shall turn out
to be the hero of my own life

or whether that station
will be held by anybody else,

these pages must show.

To begin my life
with the beginning of my life,

I record that I was born
as I've been informed
and believe

on a Friday
at 12 o'clock at night.

It was remarked that
the clock began to strike

and I began
to cry simultaneously."

What'd I do?
It's not doing anything.

[keyboard clicking]

Where does it say that?

"In consideration of the day
and hour of my birth,

it was declared by the nurse
and by some sage woman
in the neighborhood

who had taken
a lively interest in me

several months before
there was any possibility

of our becoming
personally acquainted,

first, that I was destined to be
unlucky in life,

and secondly,
that I was privileged

to see ghosts and spirits.

Both these gifts
inevitably attaching,
as they believed,

to all unlucky infants
of either gender,

born toward the small hours
on a Friday night."

[theme music playing]

[theme music ends]