Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt (2010–2011): Season 1, Episode 3 - Kyattofaito Kurabu/Parupu Adikushon - full transcript
Panty and Stocking start a fight which sends a Ghost-hunting mission awry. Later, the phantoms of angry sperm take cause a shortage of tissue paper.
"Catfight Club."
Siblings.
They don't always look the same.
They don't always act the same,
and they certainly
don't always have
the same taste
in the opposite sex.
Or the same sex, depending.
Friends are the
family you choose.
Siblings are the strangers
with whom you live.
Understandably, they tend to
argue over insignificancies.
The closer they get,
the more they clash.
It is the way of things.
At least until they
grow up, that is.
Shit!
Goddamnit!
Not here! Not here!
Not here!
No!
My hangover is saying
you're too fucking loud.
I mean, unless you're
like missing your period.
That would suck.
My pudding is gone, you twat!
Pudding!
It's special ordered from Heaven
and has a 500-year waiting list!
Damn it!
That pudding is legendary!
And?
Oh my God, you
ate it, didn't you?
Ahouwoh...
Don't "ahouwoh" me!
It was either you or Chuck!
Uh, why would you
just assume it was me?
What?
I'm not assuming;
I know it was you.
Oh, wait, you're talking
about pudding, right?
Yeah, I guess I did eat that;
but it was disgusting.
Sugary as shit.
Motherbitch, I knew it!
It's pudding, Panty!
You knew it was gonna be sweet!
What the crap?
Okay, you need to relax, chica.
It's called pudding,
not the end of the world.
Jesus!
You always have to fuck up
everything, don't you?
This is my room!
Yours looks like a
hoarder's asshole exploded.
Look at your toilet!
Look at your bathtub!
Look at what you put
in your mouth,
and I'm not just
talking about dick!
You're nothing but a
filthy ho-baggin' thief!
Remember that time
when I told you to relax?
You need some
inner fucking peace.
I do not understand how
I could ever be related to you.
Try these.
I'll let you steal
some of my food
if that'll make you
feel better, we cool?
Look, hooker, I'm trying
to be fucking nice here.
You know I don't
like spicy food!
You do realize that if you
only ever eat sweet shit,
you're gonna end up
a Fatty McFatterson.
Whatever.
Here's a newsflash,
Flatty McFlatterson.
All the weight I gain
goes straight to my boobs,
and I am okay with that.
Yeah, and your nipples are
the size of dinner plates.
Mine are small, fierce, and,
oh God, are they sensitive.
Like guys freak out
over your titters.
I say titters because
your boobs are so small
they actually make me laugh.
It's cool.
Your tits keep you from looking
like a little girl; I get it.
Then when he gives you candy,
you won't feel like you're
hooking up with a pedophile.
You mean like that
idiotic muscle head,
piece of shit you keep
on the back burner?
Oh, by the way, I diddled him.
I diddled him, real hard.
And he said I was the
best fuck he had ever had.
Way better than you.
Not that he should procreate.
But I would totally
have his abortion.
Well, I fucked that masochist
freak you like so much!
He was tiny and awful,
so heads up, Buttercup.
His fat ass was all jiggly,
just like your fancy
pudding and giant skin sacks.
Keep your mouth off my things!
Likewise, bitch!
Hey, Panty, how's
it goin' and all that;
I hope I'm not
bothering you two.
Your father here was nice
enough to show me the scenic way
to your room through his
bedroom, which was lovely.
He is a very
affectionate large man.
Now don't forget.
I'm single and looking
for some mingling.
Angels!
Another mandate has arrived!
Get your lazy asses to
the scene immediately.
All right,
this the part where
you're supposed to
get the fuck up!
No way.
Yeah, that's not
gonna happen, Garter.
Agh! Holy shit! What now?
Sonofabitch!
You heard what I said!
I'm not going anywhere with that
goddamn, waste of space whore!
Who the fuck are
you calling a whore?
Hey, fuck off, cunt bag!
I'm so fucking over you!
Quit copying me!
Come on, Chuck; we're leaving.
We don't need that slutty
ass heap of trash anyway.
Yeah, well, that's
fine by me, sugar tits.
I don't need you
either, and besides,
I would rather hang out
with Geek Boy here
than you any day
of the fucking week!
Don't fuck with me, asshole.
Don't fuck with me, asshole.
Uh, hey, were you being serious?
Do you really wanna
hang out with me?
Huh?
Who the fuck is this dork?
First things first:
we gotta have a new title.
I think we should go with
something like Panty and Virgin.
Yeah, but my name
is actually Brief.
No, that's way too obvious.
How about Panty and Foreskin?
That's an awful word,
no thank you!
Oh, I know! Panty and Smegma.
You're messing with me
on purpose, aren't you?
She is such a
selfish little hag.
I mean, who the hell eats stuff
with someone else's name on it?
Talk about rude.
Seriously.
She doesn't give a shit
about anything
other than
filling her cock coozie.
I cannot believe
she fucking drove off
with See Through like that.
Um, Panty?
Don't you think you
should go with her, maybe?
I mean she's all by herself;
anything could happen to her.
Oh, God! No! Please don't!
Please don't what, asswipe?
Fuckin' A!
We have arrived.
Hey, Garter.
I'm at the scene now.
Perfect.
I've just identified the bastard
ghost you're looking for.
Be careful; this one's tricky.
It uses girls to--
Listen, hooch.
If you apologize,
I might come out there
and help you not make
a giant fail of yourself.
That bitch!
Bitch! Fucking bitch!
Fucking bitch!
Fucking bitch! Fucking bitch!
Help! Somebody!
A wolf is trying to attack me!
Oh, please help!
There's a mean wolf
trying to attack me,
and I think
it might be evil!
I wonder if that's what
Garter was trying to say
about girls
before he got cut off.
That has to be it! I bet
there's a big bad wolf
attacking poor,
frightened girls.
Where is this jack off, sweetie?
He's right down there!
Follow me!
He's not too far ahead!
I'm right behind you!
I can solve
this case on my own;
I don't need that
drunken blowjob!
Oh no! It's him!
Get ready, dick munch.
You're dealing with the
awesomazing Stocking now,
so start saying your
goddamn prayers!
Aren't you one of
those damn
Panty and Stocking
Anarchy sisters?
What the hell do
you want with us?
Who's 'us'?
Darling, he's speaking
of himself and me;
we share one mind
and one body.
We're the same ghost.
That's right! I lure
in the pervy men,
and he scams 'em
outta their money!
We are huge fans of money!
Who still falls
for that bullshit?
Hold on, what did
Garter's clue say?
God mother damn it!
Rope was being literal!
Heave the ho! Heave the ho!
Heave the ho! Heave the ho!
I can't breathe.
God, I'm starting
to get into this.
Why don't you goblins yank
that rope like you mean...
Looks like we've caught
us one nympho angel!
Get ready to die, dear!
Quit your cryin' Geek Boy.
We've got asshole
ghosts to kill!
Bitches, I don't have time
for all this motherfuckery!
Why the prick did
you have to show up?
I was enjoying myself!
Aw. The sisters are
reunited at long last!
Now you two can die together!
Will you stop it
with this random
hissy fit bullshit already?
Will you stop it with this
random selfish bullshit?
And here I thought all
the shit would have been
fucked out of you by now.
Why'nchu say that again!
"That again," Whoreopolis!
It's impolite to chat when
I'm trying to fucking kill you!
Here I come!
You shot at me.
Wow.
I am so sorry about that.
My gun must've slipped.
Jesus!
You are such a heartless whore!
Suck on this.
Oh, wow.
I'm sorry; my sword
must've slipped.
Slipped, my fine, hot ass!
I told you.
Don't fuck with me!
Don't fuck with me!
Stop fighting!
Can't we all just get along?
Sisters should treat each other
with love and generosit--!
You want some of this?
Herpes or Chlamydia?
Fuck you with a shovel!
You keep talking, but
all I hear is syphilis!
Fuck you!
I simply cannot fathom why
they continue ignoring us.
Me either!
Your pussy fight is
making you total pussies!
This is all your fault!
No it's not.
This is because you won't
fucking apologize to me!
What?
Don't blame me
because you're greedy!
This is very upsetting.
I hate it when families argue.
Shut up, ya vag!
I do not comprehend the fear
these two evoke from people.
Me neither, because they suck.
I mean, it's totally like
Panty and Stocking who?
I believe we have
officially surpassed
the strongest team, myself.
Yeah! Those anarchy
bitches are toast!
Hey, Panty?
What is it, Stockin'?
Are you thinking what
I'm thinking right now?
Of course I am.
I mean, we are sisters.
So then.
Temporary truce?
Fuck yeah.
Temporary truce it is.
Let's kill 'em!
Shit! This time
you're going down.
Die!
Panty's strength!
Stocking's technique!
Separate they are strong enough,
but their power
can only truly shine
when they are working
together as one!
They are Panty and Stocking!
Can you believe--
I did both these voices?
I'm a badass.
As the good Lord says,
"You are also my friend.
I have been and
always shall be yours."
Actually, I think that's Spock.
You riding with us, Geek Boy?
You mean it?
Ain't no thing.
I'll make sure he gets home.
Okay.
Whatever chaps your ass.
Wait!
Come back, please!
You want to grab a bite
to eat on our way home?
I think the Bear
Club buffet still on.
Just try it once;
I know you'll love it.
Oh, God!
So, uh...
Here.
Where did you get this?
Did you spend
your Heavens on it?
I'm not saying I did;
I'm not saying I didn't!
Oh.
You bitch.
You cunt.
"Pulp Addiction."
Portschach's journal.
July 2nd.
Early morning.
0600 hours.
Fierce storm.
Freezing temperatures.
These are the annals of war.
I'm desperate for this
bitter engagement
to be over so I can head home,
where I've got wood,
hot and burning on the fire,
ready to heat me up,
and my girl waiting
for me with pleasure
spread across her face.
Heads up!
The time's come
to pound this out!
Some of you guys
couldn't hold on.
Pathetic!
Those squirts have
been discharged.
Prematurely!
But you came through.
You came quick, hard!
In! And out!
Over and over! Strong!
But we're not finished yet!
Now, we must thrust forward!
Stay on top of each other.
Give a hand when needed.
And let's bring this
thing to a climax!
Hey.
How's your journal
entry diddling going?
It's wet.
I get it.
Rub out a few thoughts
before walking hard
and fast into death.
This is stimulating, ya know?
Going so deep into an
operation like this.
Know what I heard?
No one's ever pulled
out successfully before.
'S true.
Ask that old bastard; he's
been around the block before.
Apparently he rode out
the 4th Bartholin Campaign
and hasn't been the same since.
Well, Gramps?
You think we'll be
able to squeeze one off?
Need lube.
Come again?
Vas deferens,
that's how you know.
What? Your oral skills
blow, old man!
Give him a minute.
He starts off slow, that's all.
Beware the name General Scottie!
We can't let him win!
He must go down!
It's time, seamen!
Get off!
Stay strong!
Incoming!!
Get on top of that mound!
Fire your load at will!
Let's cream 'em, boys!
Go! Go! Go!
That's huge!
This will never work!
Pull out!
Withdraw now!
Almost there!
Fuck this! Fuck this!
Oh my God!
Damn those things!
They wiped us out!
We were so close!
We could have gone all the way!
Oh, shit!
Why?
What part of
"I have a hangover
every fucking morning"
don't you get?
Gone! Gone!
What's gone?
Your period?
Because that's weird.
Just leave me alone!
I'm in physical pain here!
Where are all the tissues?
Dude!
Do you have a fucking cold?
Stop! You're freaking me out!
Now you're just torturing me!
Look, if you can't
find a tissue,
just use your tongue;
that's what I always do.
I hate you!
Don't pretend you know what
I'm going through right now!
I'm not that great
with aim, okay.
And even if I was, I couldn't
shoot myself in the mouth.
Plus, my alter boys need
softness and sensitivity.
A tissue is the answer.
It is the only way!
Only way for what?
You know!
I am so over this convo.
C'mon Stockin' let's go.
I guess we should get
off to school and shit.
Right! Get off!
No one's getting anywhere!
We've got a problem, angels!
This phenomenon is no
longer limited to Daten City.
It's already grown into a
nationwide social dilemma!
There are riots spurting
up all over the place!
Children are in tears
because they can't master
baiting techniques in art class!
Police are beating
off protestors
with their bare hands!
Politicians not coming on time,
well that goes
without saying, but--
In short.
To be without a tissue
is to be without God!
I am a man of faith,
and just look at me!
I'm practically dying over here!
The men of the world cannot
take no more pressure!
Don't you worry, men, no shame
if you cry. Hell, I'm gonna cry!
You gonna cry?
Yo, babe we all gonna cry!
I'm gonna blow!
Maximum Climax!
That was fucking amazing!
No, that was fucking
awkward as hell.
Awkward as fuck.
You girls should be a
little more understanding.
A clue! Someone must
have inserted it
while I was busy,
you know, doing that!
You hear that, ladies?
Panty and Stocking are needed!
Holy fuck has
his head gone limp.
Yes! Cream pie flavor!
Bingo!
I would definitely call that
the nether regions of the city.
And what a spunky
little hole it is.
A stank-ass hole.
Smells fishy.
Fuck-- are you
sure that's not you?
It must be that clam
chowder I had earlier.
Get inside now!
Ain't no time for
pussyfooting around!
Penetrate and conquer!
Let your cocked -- girls.
Leave no hole --.
Give them a holy -- injection!
The whole world
is counting on you!
We can't understand what
you're fucking saying!
Damn it.
A cunning linguist he is not.
Thanks for nothing, bro.
Fuck me!
Well hello lovah!
Only you would fall
for a literal stiff.
What's that smell?
Oh.
I'm getting a whiff of coinage.
Jesus, talk about some
fucking tight ass quarters.
I don't know.
If it's big enough
to get the job done,
it's big enough for me.
White alert!
No blockers allowed!
Go away!
They're so cute;
I just wanna swallow 'em up!
So you're the tools
behind this mess.
You guys squirted junk
all over this place.
I wanna touch one so bad!
This factory shouldn't
have been erected!
It screwed up everything!
That murderous General
Scottie can go to hell!
To hell!
The tissues they make
have spilled our blood
time and again.
The tissues they make
are the reason
we turned into ghosts!
So we're gonna destroy it!
We're gonna destroy it!
So what, are you gonna
gang up on my mouth next?
That depends.
Are you an ally
of General Scottie?
Newsflash, tiny dancer,
I don't know who the
fuck you're talking about.
Here.
I'll tell ya what.
I don't care about Scottie.
But I do care about
making you guys suffer.
You stupid jerk-off prick!
Nail her!
Go back to your damn balls,
ya fuckin' low counts.
Panty.
Come on!
I just want one.
They're so
afreakingdorable!
Fuck that. They're cute
enough when you're just
lookin' at 'em,
I'll give it to ya.
But get some in your eye,
it's gonna burn.
Them bitter motherfuckers!
O, pitiful shadows
lost in the darkness.
O, evil spirits
born of those
drifting between
Heaven and Earth.
Guess what's next.
Everyone!
Prepare to surge forward
with the seeds of anger!
Yeah!
Surge forth!
Surge forth! Surge forth!
Surge forth! Surge forth!
Surge forth! Surge forth!
Surge forth!
Surge forth! Surge forth!
Surge forth! Surge forth!
Surge forth! Surge forth!
Surge forth!
Surge forth! Surge forth!
Yada yada with great vengeance.
And furious anger!
Now, brothers!
Let the final ejaculation flow!
Time to repent motherfuckers!
Porschach's journal.
August 16th.
Early morning.
0600 hours.
Fair weather, but with
higher than average waves.
My spirit count is high.
These are the annals of war.
I'm desperate for this
bitter engagement to be over
so I can head home,
where I've got wood,
hot and burning on the fire,
ready to heat me up.
And my girl waiting for me with
pleasure spread across her face.
Squirts!
The time's come to
pound this operation out!
After a rough battle, General
Scottie finally succumbed
as he felt the strength
of our brother's lengthy
and gut wrenching invasion!
We're now riding on new ground.
We've officially
penetrated enemy territory!
Yes, men!
You have proven yourself
to be hard, and strong,
with great stamina!
This is my final order.
Thrust ahead with no fear!
Give her everything you've got!
This is the climax!
Saturate the area!
Almost there!
These are my men.
Without them, I never
would have made it this far!
Finally!
This bush is ours.
I've never felt more alive!
We won!
We're coming in!
Siblings.
They don't always look the same.
They don't always act the same,
and they certainly
don't always have
the same taste
in the opposite sex.
Or the same sex, depending.
Friends are the
family you choose.
Siblings are the strangers
with whom you live.
Understandably, they tend to
argue over insignificancies.
The closer they get,
the more they clash.
It is the way of things.
At least until they
grow up, that is.
Shit!
Goddamnit!
Not here! Not here!
Not here!
No!
My hangover is saying
you're too fucking loud.
I mean, unless you're
like missing your period.
That would suck.
My pudding is gone, you twat!
Pudding!
It's special ordered from Heaven
and has a 500-year waiting list!
Damn it!
That pudding is legendary!
And?
Oh my God, you
ate it, didn't you?
Ahouwoh...
Don't "ahouwoh" me!
It was either you or Chuck!
Uh, why would you
just assume it was me?
What?
I'm not assuming;
I know it was you.
Oh, wait, you're talking
about pudding, right?
Yeah, I guess I did eat that;
but it was disgusting.
Sugary as shit.
Motherbitch, I knew it!
It's pudding, Panty!
You knew it was gonna be sweet!
What the crap?
Okay, you need to relax, chica.
It's called pudding,
not the end of the world.
Jesus!
You always have to fuck up
everything, don't you?
This is my room!
Yours looks like a
hoarder's asshole exploded.
Look at your toilet!
Look at your bathtub!
Look at what you put
in your mouth,
and I'm not just
talking about dick!
You're nothing but a
filthy ho-baggin' thief!
Remember that time
when I told you to relax?
You need some
inner fucking peace.
I do not understand how
I could ever be related to you.
Try these.
I'll let you steal
some of my food
if that'll make you
feel better, we cool?
Look, hooker, I'm trying
to be fucking nice here.
You know I don't
like spicy food!
You do realize that if you
only ever eat sweet shit,
you're gonna end up
a Fatty McFatterson.
Whatever.
Here's a newsflash,
Flatty McFlatterson.
All the weight I gain
goes straight to my boobs,
and I am okay with that.
Yeah, and your nipples are
the size of dinner plates.
Mine are small, fierce, and,
oh God, are they sensitive.
Like guys freak out
over your titters.
I say titters because
your boobs are so small
they actually make me laugh.
It's cool.
Your tits keep you from looking
like a little girl; I get it.
Then when he gives you candy,
you won't feel like you're
hooking up with a pedophile.
You mean like that
idiotic muscle head,
piece of shit you keep
on the back burner?
Oh, by the way, I diddled him.
I diddled him, real hard.
And he said I was the
best fuck he had ever had.
Way better than you.
Not that he should procreate.
But I would totally
have his abortion.
Well, I fucked that masochist
freak you like so much!
He was tiny and awful,
so heads up, Buttercup.
His fat ass was all jiggly,
just like your fancy
pudding and giant skin sacks.
Keep your mouth off my things!
Likewise, bitch!
Hey, Panty, how's
it goin' and all that;
I hope I'm not
bothering you two.
Your father here was nice
enough to show me the scenic way
to your room through his
bedroom, which was lovely.
He is a very
affectionate large man.
Now don't forget.
I'm single and looking
for some mingling.
Angels!
Another mandate has arrived!
Get your lazy asses to
the scene immediately.
All right,
this the part where
you're supposed to
get the fuck up!
No way.
Yeah, that's not
gonna happen, Garter.
Agh! Holy shit! What now?
Sonofabitch!
You heard what I said!
I'm not going anywhere with that
goddamn, waste of space whore!
Who the fuck are
you calling a whore?
Hey, fuck off, cunt bag!
I'm so fucking over you!
Quit copying me!
Come on, Chuck; we're leaving.
We don't need that slutty
ass heap of trash anyway.
Yeah, well, that's
fine by me, sugar tits.
I don't need you
either, and besides,
I would rather hang out
with Geek Boy here
than you any day
of the fucking week!
Don't fuck with me, asshole.
Don't fuck with me, asshole.
Uh, hey, were you being serious?
Do you really wanna
hang out with me?
Huh?
Who the fuck is this dork?
First things first:
we gotta have a new title.
I think we should go with
something like Panty and Virgin.
Yeah, but my name
is actually Brief.
No, that's way too obvious.
How about Panty and Foreskin?
That's an awful word,
no thank you!
Oh, I know! Panty and Smegma.
You're messing with me
on purpose, aren't you?
She is such a
selfish little hag.
I mean, who the hell eats stuff
with someone else's name on it?
Talk about rude.
Seriously.
She doesn't give a shit
about anything
other than
filling her cock coozie.
I cannot believe
she fucking drove off
with See Through like that.
Um, Panty?
Don't you think you
should go with her, maybe?
I mean she's all by herself;
anything could happen to her.
Oh, God! No! Please don't!
Please don't what, asswipe?
Fuckin' A!
We have arrived.
Hey, Garter.
I'm at the scene now.
Perfect.
I've just identified the bastard
ghost you're looking for.
Be careful; this one's tricky.
It uses girls to--
Listen, hooch.
If you apologize,
I might come out there
and help you not make
a giant fail of yourself.
That bitch!
Bitch! Fucking bitch!
Fucking bitch!
Fucking bitch! Fucking bitch!
Help! Somebody!
A wolf is trying to attack me!
Oh, please help!
There's a mean wolf
trying to attack me,
and I think
it might be evil!
I wonder if that's what
Garter was trying to say
about girls
before he got cut off.
That has to be it! I bet
there's a big bad wolf
attacking poor,
frightened girls.
Where is this jack off, sweetie?
He's right down there!
Follow me!
He's not too far ahead!
I'm right behind you!
I can solve
this case on my own;
I don't need that
drunken blowjob!
Oh no! It's him!
Get ready, dick munch.
You're dealing with the
awesomazing Stocking now,
so start saying your
goddamn prayers!
Aren't you one of
those damn
Panty and Stocking
Anarchy sisters?
What the hell do
you want with us?
Who's 'us'?
Darling, he's speaking
of himself and me;
we share one mind
and one body.
We're the same ghost.
That's right! I lure
in the pervy men,
and he scams 'em
outta their money!
We are huge fans of money!
Who still falls
for that bullshit?
Hold on, what did
Garter's clue say?
God mother damn it!
Rope was being literal!
Heave the ho! Heave the ho!
Heave the ho! Heave the ho!
I can't breathe.
God, I'm starting
to get into this.
Why don't you goblins yank
that rope like you mean...
Looks like we've caught
us one nympho angel!
Get ready to die, dear!
Quit your cryin' Geek Boy.
We've got asshole
ghosts to kill!
Bitches, I don't have time
for all this motherfuckery!
Why the prick did
you have to show up?
I was enjoying myself!
Aw. The sisters are
reunited at long last!
Now you two can die together!
Will you stop it
with this random
hissy fit bullshit already?
Will you stop it with this
random selfish bullshit?
And here I thought all
the shit would have been
fucked out of you by now.
Why'nchu say that again!
"That again," Whoreopolis!
It's impolite to chat when
I'm trying to fucking kill you!
Here I come!
You shot at me.
Wow.
I am so sorry about that.
My gun must've slipped.
Jesus!
You are such a heartless whore!
Suck on this.
Oh, wow.
I'm sorry; my sword
must've slipped.
Slipped, my fine, hot ass!
I told you.
Don't fuck with me!
Don't fuck with me!
Stop fighting!
Can't we all just get along?
Sisters should treat each other
with love and generosit--!
You want some of this?
Herpes or Chlamydia?
Fuck you with a shovel!
You keep talking, but
all I hear is syphilis!
Fuck you!
I simply cannot fathom why
they continue ignoring us.
Me either!
Your pussy fight is
making you total pussies!
This is all your fault!
No it's not.
This is because you won't
fucking apologize to me!
What?
Don't blame me
because you're greedy!
This is very upsetting.
I hate it when families argue.
Shut up, ya vag!
I do not comprehend the fear
these two evoke from people.
Me neither, because they suck.
I mean, it's totally like
Panty and Stocking who?
I believe we have
officially surpassed
the strongest team, myself.
Yeah! Those anarchy
bitches are toast!
Hey, Panty?
What is it, Stockin'?
Are you thinking what
I'm thinking right now?
Of course I am.
I mean, we are sisters.
So then.
Temporary truce?
Fuck yeah.
Temporary truce it is.
Let's kill 'em!
Shit! This time
you're going down.
Die!
Panty's strength!
Stocking's technique!
Separate they are strong enough,
but their power
can only truly shine
when they are working
together as one!
They are Panty and Stocking!
Can you believe--
I did both these voices?
I'm a badass.
As the good Lord says,
"You are also my friend.
I have been and
always shall be yours."
Actually, I think that's Spock.
You riding with us, Geek Boy?
You mean it?
Ain't no thing.
I'll make sure he gets home.
Okay.
Whatever chaps your ass.
Wait!
Come back, please!
You want to grab a bite
to eat on our way home?
I think the Bear
Club buffet still on.
Just try it once;
I know you'll love it.
Oh, God!
So, uh...
Here.
Where did you get this?
Did you spend
your Heavens on it?
I'm not saying I did;
I'm not saying I didn't!
Oh.
You bitch.
You cunt.
"Pulp Addiction."
Portschach's journal.
July 2nd.
Early morning.
0600 hours.
Fierce storm.
Freezing temperatures.
These are the annals of war.
I'm desperate for this
bitter engagement
to be over so I can head home,
where I've got wood,
hot and burning on the fire,
ready to heat me up,
and my girl waiting
for me with pleasure
spread across her face.
Heads up!
The time's come
to pound this out!
Some of you guys
couldn't hold on.
Pathetic!
Those squirts have
been discharged.
Prematurely!
But you came through.
You came quick, hard!
In! And out!
Over and over! Strong!
But we're not finished yet!
Now, we must thrust forward!
Stay on top of each other.
Give a hand when needed.
And let's bring this
thing to a climax!
Hey.
How's your journal
entry diddling going?
It's wet.
I get it.
Rub out a few thoughts
before walking hard
and fast into death.
This is stimulating, ya know?
Going so deep into an
operation like this.
Know what I heard?
No one's ever pulled
out successfully before.
'S true.
Ask that old bastard; he's
been around the block before.
Apparently he rode out
the 4th Bartholin Campaign
and hasn't been the same since.
Well, Gramps?
You think we'll be
able to squeeze one off?
Need lube.
Come again?
Vas deferens,
that's how you know.
What? Your oral skills
blow, old man!
Give him a minute.
He starts off slow, that's all.
Beware the name General Scottie!
We can't let him win!
He must go down!
It's time, seamen!
Get off!
Stay strong!
Incoming!!
Get on top of that mound!
Fire your load at will!
Let's cream 'em, boys!
Go! Go! Go!
That's huge!
This will never work!
Pull out!
Withdraw now!
Almost there!
Fuck this! Fuck this!
Oh my God!
Damn those things!
They wiped us out!
We were so close!
We could have gone all the way!
Oh, shit!
Why?
What part of
"I have a hangover
every fucking morning"
don't you get?
Gone! Gone!
What's gone?
Your period?
Because that's weird.
Just leave me alone!
I'm in physical pain here!
Where are all the tissues?
Dude!
Do you have a fucking cold?
Stop! You're freaking me out!
Now you're just torturing me!
Look, if you can't
find a tissue,
just use your tongue;
that's what I always do.
I hate you!
Don't pretend you know what
I'm going through right now!
I'm not that great
with aim, okay.
And even if I was, I couldn't
shoot myself in the mouth.
Plus, my alter boys need
softness and sensitivity.
A tissue is the answer.
It is the only way!
Only way for what?
You know!
I am so over this convo.
C'mon Stockin' let's go.
I guess we should get
off to school and shit.
Right! Get off!
No one's getting anywhere!
We've got a problem, angels!
This phenomenon is no
longer limited to Daten City.
It's already grown into a
nationwide social dilemma!
There are riots spurting
up all over the place!
Children are in tears
because they can't master
baiting techniques in art class!
Police are beating
off protestors
with their bare hands!
Politicians not coming on time,
well that goes
without saying, but--
In short.
To be without a tissue
is to be without God!
I am a man of faith,
and just look at me!
I'm practically dying over here!
The men of the world cannot
take no more pressure!
Don't you worry, men, no shame
if you cry. Hell, I'm gonna cry!
You gonna cry?
Yo, babe we all gonna cry!
I'm gonna blow!
Maximum Climax!
That was fucking amazing!
No, that was fucking
awkward as hell.
Awkward as fuck.
You girls should be a
little more understanding.
A clue! Someone must
have inserted it
while I was busy,
you know, doing that!
You hear that, ladies?
Panty and Stocking are needed!
Holy fuck has
his head gone limp.
Yes! Cream pie flavor!
Bingo!
I would definitely call that
the nether regions of the city.
And what a spunky
little hole it is.
A stank-ass hole.
Smells fishy.
Fuck-- are you
sure that's not you?
It must be that clam
chowder I had earlier.
Get inside now!
Ain't no time for
pussyfooting around!
Penetrate and conquer!
Let your cocked -- girls.
Leave no hole --.
Give them a holy -- injection!
The whole world
is counting on you!
We can't understand what
you're fucking saying!
Damn it.
A cunning linguist he is not.
Thanks for nothing, bro.
Fuck me!
Well hello lovah!
Only you would fall
for a literal stiff.
What's that smell?
Oh.
I'm getting a whiff of coinage.
Jesus, talk about some
fucking tight ass quarters.
I don't know.
If it's big enough
to get the job done,
it's big enough for me.
White alert!
No blockers allowed!
Go away!
They're so cute;
I just wanna swallow 'em up!
So you're the tools
behind this mess.
You guys squirted junk
all over this place.
I wanna touch one so bad!
This factory shouldn't
have been erected!
It screwed up everything!
That murderous General
Scottie can go to hell!
To hell!
The tissues they make
have spilled our blood
time and again.
The tissues they make
are the reason
we turned into ghosts!
So we're gonna destroy it!
We're gonna destroy it!
So what, are you gonna
gang up on my mouth next?
That depends.
Are you an ally
of General Scottie?
Newsflash, tiny dancer,
I don't know who the
fuck you're talking about.
Here.
I'll tell ya what.
I don't care about Scottie.
But I do care about
making you guys suffer.
You stupid jerk-off prick!
Nail her!
Go back to your damn balls,
ya fuckin' low counts.
Panty.
Come on!
I just want one.
They're so
afreakingdorable!
Fuck that. They're cute
enough when you're just
lookin' at 'em,
I'll give it to ya.
But get some in your eye,
it's gonna burn.
Them bitter motherfuckers!
O, pitiful shadows
lost in the darkness.
O, evil spirits
born of those
drifting between
Heaven and Earth.
Guess what's next.
Everyone!
Prepare to surge forward
with the seeds of anger!
Yeah!
Surge forth!
Surge forth! Surge forth!
Surge forth! Surge forth!
Surge forth! Surge forth!
Surge forth!
Surge forth! Surge forth!
Surge forth! Surge forth!
Surge forth! Surge forth!
Surge forth!
Surge forth! Surge forth!
Yada yada with great vengeance.
And furious anger!
Now, brothers!
Let the final ejaculation flow!
Time to repent motherfuckers!
Porschach's journal.
August 16th.
Early morning.
0600 hours.
Fair weather, but with
higher than average waves.
My spirit count is high.
These are the annals of war.
I'm desperate for this
bitter engagement to be over
so I can head home,
where I've got wood,
hot and burning on the fire,
ready to heat me up.
And my girl waiting for me with
pleasure spread across her face.
Squirts!
The time's come to
pound this operation out!
After a rough battle, General
Scottie finally succumbed
as he felt the strength
of our brother's lengthy
and gut wrenching invasion!
We're now riding on new ground.
We've officially
penetrated enemy territory!
Yes, men!
You have proven yourself
to be hard, and strong,
with great stamina!
This is my final order.
Thrust ahead with no fear!
Give her everything you've got!
This is the climax!
Saturate the area!
Almost there!
These are my men.
Without them, I never
would have made it this far!
Finally!
This bush is ours.
I've never felt more alive!
We won!
We're coming in!