Nathan for You (2013–…): Season 1, Episode 7 - Nathan for You - full transcript

In this special episode, Nathan performs a daring escape in which he risks a fate that is truly worse than death, and failed business ideas from the season are showcased.

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---
- GOOD EVENING.

WE'RE COMING TO YOU
FROM THE HISTORIC ELYSIAN PARK

IN LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA.

NOW, EVERY WEEK ON MY SHOW,
I CHALLENGE PEOPLE

TO TAKE BIG RISKS.

BUT SOME HAVE BEEN CRITICAL
THAT I NEVER TAKE RISKS MYSELF.

WELL, TONIGHT,
THAT'S ALL GONNA CHANGE.

OVER THE PAST MONTH,
I'VE BEEN LEARNING

HOW TO PICK THE LOCK
ON THESE POLICE-GRADE HANDCUFFS.

"WHY?" YOU ASK.

BECAUSE TONIGHT I'M GONNA TAKE
A BIGGER RISK



THAN ANYONE HAS EVER TAKEN
ON TELEVISION BEFORE.

IN JUST A FEW MOMENTS,
I'M GOING TO BE HANDCUFFED

TO THIS SOLID STEEL FRAME,

AND I'LL HAVE EXACTLY 90 SECONDS
TO FREE MYSELF

BEFORE THE CLAW
ON THIS ROBOTIC ARM

UNDOES MY PANTS,

EXPOSING ME TO AN AUDIENCE
OF CHILDREN.

IF THAT HAPPENS,
AN L.A.P.D. OFFICER

IS STANDING BY TO ARREST ME
FOR INDECENT EXPOSURE.

WE'VE ALL SEEN ESCAPE ARTISTS
RISK DEATH BEFORE.

BUT TONIGHT, I'M GOING TO RISK
SOMETHING EVEN WORSE:

BECOMING A REGISTERED
SEX OFFENDER FOR LIFE.

AND WHAT YOU'RE GOING
TO SEE TONIGHT IS 100% REAL.

WELCOME TO NATHAN FOR YOU.



THIS IS THE CLAW OF SHAME.

- NOW, YOU KNOW
THIS IS CONTROVERSIAL, RIGHT?

- WHAT DO I GAIN BY DOING THIS?
- NOTHING.

- IF HE'S GONNA ESCAPE,
IF HE'S GONNA GO TO JAIL.

- I MIGHT NOT EVEN ATTEMPT IT.

HE'S TAKING A BIG RISK.

- IF YOU'VE SEEN
MY SHOW BEFORE,

YOU KNOW I USUALLY FOCUS
ON HELPING SMALL BUSINESSES

BY BRINGING THEM BIG IDEAS.

BUT TONIGHT'S EPISODE IS GOING
TO BE A BIT DIFFERENT.

RIGHT NOW, YOU'RE SEEING
MY FINAL PRACTICE RUN,

MY LAST CHANCE
TO GET THE ESCAPE RIGHT

BEFORE RISKING LIFE
AS A SEX OFFENDER.

BUT TO GET TO THIS POINT,

IT TOOK MONTHS OF PLANNING
AND PREPARATION.

FIRSTLY, I AM NOT
AN ESCAPE ARTIST.

AND THOUGH I HAVE SOME
EXPERIENCE DOING MAGIC

AS A TEENAGER...

THERE'S NOTHING
IN THE BAG, RIGHT?

- YEAH.

- BAG IS COMPLETELY EMPTY.

YOU CAN SEE
RIGHT THROUGH IT.

I QUIT PERFORMING
YEARS AGO

AND HAVE NEVER DONE
AN ESCAPE BEFORE.

SO I BOOKED
A TRAINING SESSION

WITH ESCAPE MASTER
MARK PASKELL

SO I COULD LEARN HOW TO PICK
THE LOCKS ON A PAIR OF CUFFS.

HOW DO I ESCAPE
FROM HANDCUFFS?

- A SHIM.
- OH.

- IF YOU HAVE A SHIM,
YOU CAN--

- IS THAT A HAIR CLIP?
- THIS IS A HAIR CLIP,

BUT IT'S--
IT'S ADAPTED A LITTLE BIT.

YOU GET IN THERE...

AND PUSH.

- RIGHT.
- THEN YOU CAN GET OUT.

- EVEN AFTER HE TAUGHT ME,
IT TOOK ME

OVER 30 MINUTES
TO PICK THE LOCK.

I HAD A LOT OF WORK
AHEAD OF ME TO GET MY TIME DOWN

TO 90 SECONDS.

AND AFTER SOME PRACTICING,
I TOLD MARK MY IDEA

FOR THE ESCAPE:

TO HAVE TWO STAGEHANDS PULLING
DOWN MY PANTS WITH ROPES,

EXPOSING ME TO THE PUBLIC.

AND SINCE MARK WAS CLEARLY
AN EXPERT ON THIS STUFF,

I WAS HOPING TO HAVE HIM
AS AN OFFICIAL ADVISOR

ON THE ESCAPE.

I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- MM, I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S MOVING A LITTLE BIT
OUT OF MY FIELD.

- I GUESS I COULD SAY

YOU'RE A CONSULTANT
ON THE ESCAPE.

MM, I DON'T KNOW.
I'LL HAVE TO GET BACK TO YOU.

- WOULD YOU WANT THAT?

- I'LL HAVE TO GET BACK TO YOU
ON THAT, THINK ON IT.

- WE'LL JUST CREDIT YOU
AS A CONSULTANT ON THE ESCAPE.

- I APPRECIATE THAT.
- IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

WE'LL JUST GIVE IT TO YOU.
- APPRECIATE THAT, BUT--

- IT'S DONE.
IT'S AS GOOD AS DONE.

- I APPRECIATE IT,
BUT WHAT I'M SAYING IS,

I WILL GET BACK TO YOU.

- YOU'LL GET BACK TO ME
ABOUT THE CREDIT?

- YEAH.

- WELL, WE'LL JUST PUT IT
IN ANYWAYS.

JUST, WE'LL PUT IT
IN THE CREDITS OF THE SHOW.

I NEVER HEARD BACK
FROM MARK,

BUT AT LEAST I KNEW
HOW TO PICK HANDCUFFS.

WHAT I DIDN'T KNOW
WAS THE LEGAL REQUIREMENT

FOR BECOMING A SEX OFFENDER.

SO I FOUND AN ACTUAL
CALIFORNIA JUDGE

THAT WOULD AGREE TO ADVISE ME
ON THE ESCAPE ON CAMERA,

THE HONORABLE ANTHONY FILOSA.

SO IF I DON'T ESCAPE
IN 90 SECONDS,

I'LL BE EXPOSED
TO SOME PEOPLE.

- WHAT ARE "SOME PEOPLE"?

- JUST, LIKE, ADULTS
OR SOMETHING?

I DON'T KNOW.
- CHILDREN? ADULTS?

- IS CHILDREN BETTER?

- INTERESTING QUESTION.

BOTH COULD BE OFFENDED.

MORE LIKELY CHILDREN,

INSOFAR AS THAT
IT'S OFFENSIVE, PERIOD.

- SO YOU'RE SAYING
IT'S BETTER TO USE CHILDREN?

- I-I DON'T REALLY THINK
IT'S MY PLACE

TO SUGGEST IT.

- OKAY. SURE.
- ALL RIGHT?

YEAH, I REALLY DON'T.

- I TOOK
THE JUDGE'S SUGGESTION

THAT I SHOULD EXPOSE MYSELF
TO CHILDREN,

AND ON TOP OF THAT,

HE WAS A TREASURE TROVE
OF INFORMATION

ON HOW TO BECOME
A SEX OFFENDER.

- THERE WOULD HAVE TO BE
THE ELEMENT

OF WILLFULNESS PROVEN.

- SO WOULD IT HELP IF,
RIGHT BEFORE I DID IT,

I SAID, "I'M DOING THIS
ON PURPOSE TO EXPOSE MYSELF"?

- WELL, YOU JUST ABANDON
ANY PRECAUTION.

"YOU KNOW, FOLKS,
SOMETHING COULD HAPPEN,

"YOU KNOW,
AND IF IT DOES,

SO WHAT?"

SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

- SO IT'S LIKE, YOU KNOW,
IF THIS GOES WRONG,

I DON'T REALLY CARE.

- TOO BAD, 'CAUSE I--
- TOO BAD.

I'M GONNA--
- TOO BAD, I--

- I'M GONNA GET OFF.
IT'S GONNA MAKE ME HORNY.

- WELL, WHATEVER.

- THE MOST TROUBLING THING
I LEARNED FROM HIM, THOUGH,

WAS THAT IF ANYONE HELPED ME
PULL MY PANTS DOWN,

THEY COULD GO TO JAIL TOO.

- THAT PERSON IS
AS GUILTY AS YOU ARE.

- SO I CAN'T HAVE
ANY HELPERS.

- RIGHT.
- I DIDN'T WANT TO PUT

ANYONE AT RISK
BESIDES MYSELF.

SO IF NO HUMAN
COULD DO IT,

I WAS GONNA HAVE TO USE
A ROBOT.

AND THE SEARCH TOOK MONTHS,
WITH EVERYONE

FROM U.S. DEFENSE COMPANIES
TO NASA TELLING US

THE TECHNOLOGY DIDN'T EXIST
TO HAVE A ROBOT

PULL DOWN SOMEONE'S PANTS.

BUT I DIDN'T GIVE UP,
AND EVENTUALLY,

I FOUND A COMPANY
THAT SAID THEY COULD DO IT.

- SO THIS IS IT.

THIS IS A KUKA-ROBOTICS
K.R. 15-2.

- AFTER JOHN SHOWED ME
THE ROBOT,

I EXPLAINED TO HIM SPECIFICALLY
WHAT I NEEDED IT TO DO.

THEN, ONCE THE PANTS
ARE DOWN,

I WANT IT TO COME UP HERE,

HOOK ONTO THE BOXERS,
AND PULL THOSE DOWN.

JOHN SUGGESTED MAKING
CUSTOM-DESIGNED PANTS

WITH LOOPS THAT WOULD MAKE IT
EASIER FOR THE ROBOT

TO REMOVE THEM,

SO I HIRED A TAILOR
TO MAKE THE PANTS

TO JOHN'S SPECIFICATIONS.

AND OVER THE WEEK
THEY WERE BEING MADE,

HE INFORMALLY BECAME
MY PRACTICE PARTNER.

I BORROWED A PAIR
OF HIS UNDERWEAR

SO WE COULD PULL DOWN MY PANTS
ALL THE WAY

WITHOUT SEEING MY PENIS.

- 90.

- THE PANTS BEING TAKEN OFF
WAS DEFINITELY DISTRACTING,

BUT I WAS GETTING CLOSER
TO MY 90-SECOND GOAL.

TIME, TIME, STOP IT.
WHAT DO I GOT?

- OKAY, 150.

- AND AFTER GETTING
AN HOUR OR SO

OF TRAINING IN,
THE COMPLETED PANTS

WERE PACKAGED UP AND DELIVERED
TO REEL EFX

SO THE ROBOT COULD BEGIN
BEING PROGRAMMED.

IN THE MEANTIME,
I WANTED TO FIND OUT

THE REAL CONSEQUENCES
OF GOING TO PRISON

AS A SEX OFFENDER,
SO I MET UP

WITH JIMMY MURPHY,
WHO'S SERVED OVER 11 YEARS

FOR A VARIETY
OF VIOLENT CRIMES.

- I'LL TELL YOU THIS.

IN THERE, IT'S THE LAST THING
YOU WANT TO BE.

IT'S THE LOWEST.

- WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME
IN THERE?

- WELL, YOU KNOW,
YOU'D PROBABLY, UH, GO--

GO TO YOUR CELL,
AND YOU'D FIND

A COUPLE OF SNICKERS BARS
ON YOUR PILLOW.

- OH, WOW.
- AND THEN--

- SO THIS DOESN'T SOUND
THAT BAD AT ALL.

- NO, YOU'D GO IN THERE,

AND YOU'D SAY, "OH, WOW,
WHAT A GIFT."

YOU KNOW,
AND YOU'D EAT THE STUFF.

WELL, SOMEONE'S GONNA COME
AND SAY, "HEY.

WHAT HAPPENED
TO MY CHOCOLATE?"

AND YOU'RE GONNA GO,
"OH, I, UH, I ATE THAT."

AND THEN THEY'RE GONNA GO,

"WELL, YOU NEED
TO PAY FOR THAT."

- YEAH, HOW?
I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY.

- WELL, THEN YOU MIGHT FIND
YOUR HEAD BOUNCING

OFF SOMEBODY'S BELT BUCKLE.

- I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.

- NO, OF COURSE YOU DON'T.

'CAUSE THERE'S A LOT
OF BELT BUCKLES IN THERE.

- REALLY?
- OH, YEAH, YOU'LL GROW TIRED.

- THEY ALLOW YOU
TO WEAR BELTS IN PRISON?

- NO, IT'S A--
- SO HOW WOULD IT WORK?

THEY JUST GIVE YOU
THE BUCKLE?

- WELL, NO, I, UH--

- SO THERE'S NO BELT BUCKLE.
- WELL, NO, NOT REALLY.

I MEANT--
- SO MY HEAD WOULDN'T BE

BOUNCING AROUND ANY
BELT BUCKLES.

- SO, IN OTHER WORDS, YOU'D HAVE
A [bleep] IN YOUR MOUTH.

- I MEAN, IT PROBABLY WOULDN'T
BOUNCE, TOO,

BECAUSE I WOULD STOP
WHEN I GOT TO THE BALLS

BEFORE I GOT IN.

- I DON'T KNOW
HOW YOU DO IT.

- WELL, THAT'S HOW I WOULD.

I'D NEVER REALLY BEEN FORCED
TO PICTURE

HOW I'D GIVE ORAL SEX
TO A MAN,

BUT AFTER VISUALIZING IT,
I BEGAN TO QUESTION

IF THIS ENTIRE STUNT
WAS ACTUALLY WORTH IT.

MY CONCERNS WERE HEIGHTENED
WHEN I RETURNED TO REEL EFX

TO FIND THE ROBOT
ACTING UNPREDICTABLY.

TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE,
I FOUND OUT

THAT THE ROBOT WHOSE PRECISION
WOULD DETERMINE MY FATE

RAN ON WINDOWS 95.
- IT'S AS GOOD--

- YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.

MY PARENTS THREW OUT
THEIR COMPUTER

THAT RAN WINDOWS 95,
LIKE, SEVEN YEARS AGO

BECAUSE MINESWEEPER
WASN'T WORKING PROPERLY.

- IT'S OKAY.
'CAUSE WHAT HAPPENS--

- HONESTLY, LIKE,
MY LIFE, LIKE--

THIS IS MOVING
WITHIN AN--

- RIGHT.
- MILLIMETERS OF MY BODY.

I WAS MAINLY CONCERNED BECAUSE
ON THE DAY OF THE ESCAPE,

JOHN WOULD HAVE TO
STEP AWAY FROM THE CONTROLS

AND LET THE PROGRAM RUN
AUTOMATICALLY.

BUT HE ASSURED ME
THE SOFTWARE WOULD WORK.

SO THE ROBOT WAS TRANSPORTED
TO ELYSIAN PARK,

WHERE A CREW
OF OVER 50 PEOPLE WORKED

FOR TWO STRAIGHT DAYS
TO PREPARE

FOR TONIGHT'S HISTORIC STUNT.

male announcer:
TONIGHT, NATHAN FIELDER

RISKS THE ULTIMATE SHAME,

FACING A HEARTLESS ROBOT
THATS ONLY MISSION

IS TO EXPOSE
HIS PRIVATE PARTS.

- THIS MIGHT BE
THE MOST DANGEROUS STUNT

EVER IMAGINED.

CHILDREN WATCHING...

L.A.P.D. PRESENT...

AND ALL IN THE DARK OF NIGHT.

- YOU KNOW, I'VE BEEN PUT
ON EARTH FOR A REASON,

AND I BELIEVE
THIS IS GOD'S PLAN FOR ME.

announcer:
THE WORLD IS WATCHING.

WILL HE INSPIRE MILLIONS

AND HONOR HIS HOME COUNTRY
OF CANADA

OR END UP BEHIND BARS
AND RISK DEPORTATION?

NEVER BEFORE ATTEMPTED
IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION...

- I MEAN, THIS IS
A COMEDY CENTRAL SHOW.

I MEAN, THIS IS--
IT'S CRAZY WHAT WE'RE DOING.

announcer: WILL HE ESCAPE,
OR WON'T HE?

NATHAN FIELDER TAKES ON...

- WE'RE JUST MOMENTS
AWAY FROM THE ESCAPE,

AND TONIGHT,
I CANNOT RISK FAILURE.

BUT ONE THING I'VE LEARNED
OVER THE YEARS IS THAT

YOU CAN'T BE AFRAID
OF FAILING.

IN FACT, ON MY SHOW,
WHEN I HELP BUSINESSES,

I FAIL ALL THE TIME.

AND I'M NORMALLY SHY
TO SHOW THOSE MOMENTS,

BUT TONIGHT, I'M GOING TO MAKE
AN EXCEPTION.

SO LET'S TAKE A LOOK NOW
AT SOME OF MY GREATEST FAILURES.

ONE OF MY LEAST POPULAR IDEAS

WAS FOR A COMPLETELY
GERM-FREE HOT DOG STAND.

AT OUTDOOR FOOD CARTS,
IT'S EASY FOR GERMS

TO TRANSFER FROM MONEY
TO YOUR FOOD,

SO TO COMPLETELY
ELIMINATE THIS,

I DESIGNED
A HANDS-FREE METHOD

TO APPLY CONDIMENTS
TO THE WIENER.

ALSO, THERE WOULD BE
A SECOND EMPLOYEE

WHOSE ONLY JOB
IS TO HANDLE THE MONEY.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH THE WALLET?

- WE'RE DOING
A GERM-FREE EXPERIENCE,

SO YOU DON'T HANDLE
YOUR OWN MONEY.

- OH, REALLY?

- BUT PEOPLE WERE A BIT ANNOYED
WITH THE MONEY HANDLING PART.

- CAN I HAVE MY WALLET BACK?

- AND THE HANDS-FREE
ONION DISPENSER

PROVED TO BE PROBLEMATIC
AS WELL.

SO YOU HAVE TO UP--
ONE UP, ONE DOWN.

WHEN IT HITS THE TABLE,
THE ONIONS WILL FALL.

- AND DROP IT.
KEEP DROPPING IT.

UP AND DOWN, DROP IT.

- FAST.

- OOPS.

- OH.
- UGH.

- THIS IS NOT GONNA WORK.
IT'S NOT GONNA WORK.

- THAT'S NOTHING TO DO
WITH THE CONTRAPTION.

IF YOU DROP A HOT DOG,
YOU DROP A HOT DOG.

THE PUBLIC JUST WASN'T READY

FOR THE GERM-FREE
HOT DOG EXPERIENCE,

SO I LAID THE CONCEPT
TO REST.

NEXT, I HAD AN IDEA
FOR A TEARLESS WAY

TO TELL A CHILD
THAT THEIR PET HAS DIED,

TO BE AN UP-SELL SERVICE
FOR AN ANIMAL HOSPITAL.

THE CONCEPT WAS
TO MAKE A VIDEO

OF THE PET
WHILE IT'S STILL ALIVE,

TELLING THE CHILD
IT'S IN ANIMAL HEAVEN NOW.

I HIRED THE ONLY VOICE ACTOR
THAT RESPONDED

TO MY CRAIGSLIST AD
TO BE THE DOG.

BUT WHEN WE SHOWED IT
TO THE OWNER'S CHILD...

- OH, IT'S ME, MADI.

I'M IN HEAVEN NOW.

SO SORRY I DIED.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH.

I'M HAPPY HERE,
SO I'M NOT COMING HOME.

- NO, SHE DOESN'T.
- NO.

- WHAT--AW.

IT'S OKAY.

- HE HATED HIS DOG'S VOICE.

ANOTHER FLUBBED IDEA.

AND LASTLY,
MY FAVORITE IDEAS

DON'T JUST HELP
WITH BUSINESS.

THEY'RE GOOD FOR THE COMMUNITY
AS WELL.

SO I APPROACHED A BAR
WITH AN INNOVATIVE WAY

TO STOP DRUNKS FROM GETTING
BEHIND THE WHEEL.

THE CONCEPT WAS TO HAVE
A STREET MAGICIAN

STATIONED OUTSIDE THE BAR,

PERFORMING A MAGIC TRICK
THAT ALLOWS HIM

TO SECRETLY TEST
THE BLOOD ALCOHOL LEVELS

OF PATRONS AS THEY LEAVE.

AND WITH MY BACKGROUND IN MAGIC,
I OFFERED TO TEST IT OUT.

FOR MY FINAL TRICK,
I'M GOING TO NEED YOUR KEYS.

- MY KEYS?
- YES.

GREAT.
GIVE THE WAND A BLOW.

OKAY, A LITTLE BIT HARDER,
RIGHT INTO THE TOP.

OKAY, AND YOU ARE OVER
THE LEGAL LIMIT.

- OKAY.
- BLOOD ALCOHOL.

SO YOUR KEYS ARE GONE.
- OH!

- AND I CANNOT GIVE THEM
BACK TO YOU.

- OKAY.
- SORRY.

BUT THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED
THE FLAW IN MY IDEA.

IF I HELD ON TO HIS KEYS
AND HE TOOK A CAB,

THE GUY COULDN'T GET
INTO HIS APARTMENT.

- COULD I GET MY KEYS,
PLEASE?

- I CAN'T,
BECAUSE YOU'RE DRUNK.

- PLEASE GIVE ME MY KEYS.

- AND THE ONLY SOLUTION
AT THAT POINT

WAS TO DRIVE HIM HOME.

YOU LIVE FAR.

- I KNOW I DO.

- ALSO, ONCE I GOT HIM HOME,

I REALIZED I COULDN'T JUST
GIVE HIM HIS KEYS

UNTIL HE WAS ASLEEP,
OR ELSE HE MIGHT GO OUT

AND DRIVE AGAIN.

- YOU NEED
TO SEE ME SLEEPING?

- I NEED TO SEE YOU FALL ASLEEP
BEFORE I LEAVE YOUR KEYS,

OR ELSE YOU MIGHT TAKE THEM
AND GO OUT AGAIN.

YOU DON'T BRUSH YOUR TEETH
BEFORE BED?

- USUALLY NOT.

I USUALLY BRUSH MY TEETH
IN THE MORNING.

- REALLY?
- YEP.

I KNOW IT'S KIND OF GROSS,

BUT NOBODY ELSE
IS REALLY PAYING ATTENTION

TO THE WAY MY BREATH SMELLS.

- SO I HAD TO PUT HIM TO BED
AND MAKE SURE

HE WENT TO SLEEP...

♪ AND IF THAT LOOKING GLASS
GETS BROKE ♪

♪ MAMA'S GONNA GET YOU
A BILLY GOAT ♪

BEFORE I LEFT HIS KEYS.

SO, AS YOU CAN SEE,

EVEN THE GREATEST MINDS
FAIL SOMETIMES.

- OHH!

- BUT FAILING TONIGHT
IS NOT AN OPTION.

BESIDES THE RISK TO ME,

THERE ARE
TEN INNOCENT CHILDREN

PARTICIPATING
IN TONIGHT'S EVENT,

AND I DON'T TAKE THAT LIGHTLY.

SO EARLIER TODAY,
I SPOKE WITH THEIR PARENTS

TO ASSURE THEM THEY HAD
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

HEY, GUYS.
HOW'S EVERYONE DOING?

- GREAT, THANK YOU.
- GREAT.

- GOOD.

SO, BEFORE WE BEGIN,
I JUST WANTED TO GIVE YOU

SOME ASSURANCE.

UH, WE'RE GONNA BE BLURRING
ALL YOUR FACES,

SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY

ABOUT, YOU KNOW,
COWORKERS BEING LIKE,

"WHY DID YOU LET YOUR KID
DO THAT FOR $100?"

YOU KNOW,
OR QUESTIONS LIKE THAT

FROM, YOU KNOW,
THE COMMUNITY OR ANYTHING.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT THAT.

OKAY, GREAT.
WISH ME LUCK.

OKAY.

SO I NOW HAVE ON
THE CUSTOM-MADE PANTS

THAT THE ROBOT
WILL BE REMOVING.

UM, YOU KNOW,
WE'RE GONNA GIVE THESE KIDS

A BIT OF A BATHROOM BREAK
BEFORE I BEGIN,

BUT WHEN WE RETURN,
IT WILL BE THE ESCAPE.

- ALL RIGHT,
SO WE'RE ABOUT READY TO BEGIN.

EVERYONE HAS BEEN CLEARED
OUT OF THE ESCAPE AREA

BESIDES THE NECESSARY PEOPLE.

OFFICER BILLY SMALLING
IS HERE,

OBVIOUSLY THE CHILDREN,

AND JUDGE ANTHONY FILOSA

TO DO SOME FINAL CHECKS.

I'M NOW GOING TO HAND OVER
THE REINS

TO MATT "MONEY" SMITH,
NATIONAL SPORTSCASTER,

WHO'LL BE CALLING
THE EVENT.

MATT, THANKS FOR DOING THIS.

- WELL, THANKS FOR HAVING ME,
NATHAN.

- AND DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS
FOR ME?

- WELL, I THINK
THE OBVIOUS ONE IS,

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

- YOU KNOW, FOR--
FOR THE SHOW AND STUFF.

- YEAH.

WELL, I-I JUST GET THE SENSE
THAT PERHAPS--

I MEAN, YOU KNOW
THIS IS CONTROVERSIAL, RIGHT?

- YEAH, YEAH.
YEAH.

- OKAY. GOOD LUCK.
- ALL RIGHT.

- ALL RIGHT.
- THANKS, MATT.

- AND WITH THAT, THE ESCAPE
IS JUST MOMENTS AWAY,

SO LET'S LEARN A LITTLE MORE
ABOUT NATHAN FIELDER.

NATHAN WAS BORN IN 1983,

THE ONLY SON OF TWO
CANADIAN CIVIL SERVANTS,

ERIC AND DEBORAH.

WHICH BRINGS US TO TONIGHT.

AND WE ARE MINUTES AWAY
FROM THE BIG ESCAPE,

AND RIGHT NOW, IT LOOKS LIKE
NATHAN IS HAVING

SOME FINAL WORDS
WITH THE HONORABLE JUDGE FILOSA,

SO LET'S LISTEN IN.

- SO DOES EVERYTHING LOOK GOOD
IN TERMS OF THE SETUP

FOR AN INDECENT EXPOSURE
CONVICTION IF I--

IF I FAIL TONIGHT
TO ESCAPE?

- UH, APPARENTLY IT DOES.

UM--

- GOOD.
THAT'S ALL I NEEDED TO KNOW.

THANK YOU.
AND, OFFICER SMALLING...

- AND NOW NATHAN'S STEPPING OVER
TO OFFICER SMALLING,

AND HE IS GOING TO GO AHEAD
AND INSPECT THOSE HANDCUFFS

AND MAKE SURE
THEY ARE UP TO STANDARD.

- DOUBLE-LOCKED...

SMITH & WESSON
POLICE HANDCUFFS,

JUST LIKE WE WERE ISSUED
IN THE POLICE ACADEMY.

- OKAY, GREAT,
AND HERE IS THE KEY.

- WELL, EVERYTHING SEEMS
TO BE IN ORDER,

AND NOW NATHAN IS STEPPING OVER
TO A LAPTOP,

WHERE HIS MOM AND DAD
ARE STANDING BY VIA SKYPE.

AND THEY DON'T KNOW
WHAT NATHAN HAS PLANNED TONIGHT.

- HI, GUYS.
- BUT HE WANTED

TO HEAR THEIR VOICES
BEFORE STEPPING TO THE STAGE.

- I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU CAN HEAR ME,

BUT, UH, I'M ABOUT TO DO
SOMETHING VERY RISKY,

UM, SO THE NEXT TIME
I TALK TO YOU

MIGHT BE BEHIND
BULLETPROOF GLASS.

- OH, WOW.
- WHY?

- I CAN'T REALLY GET
INTO IT RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T HAVE TIME.
BUT I JUST WANT TO SAY

THAT I LOVE YOU GUYS.

AND, YOU KNOW,
WISH ME LUCK, OKAY?

- WELL, NATHAN, WHAT ARE YOU--
WHAT ARE YOU--

- WHAT'S GOING ON?

- YOU GUYS?
CAN YOU HEAR ME?

HELLO?

- WELL, APPARENTLY A LACK

OF AN INTERNET CONNECTION
UP HERE.

DON'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT
THEY HEARD THAT MESSAGE.

BUT HEARTFELT, NONETHELESS.

AND IT'S TIME NOW
FOR NATHAN

TO MAKE HIS WAY
TO THE STAGE.

YOU KNOW, YOU WONDER
WHAT'S GOING ON

IN NATHAN'S MIND RIGHT NOW
AND IF ANY AMOUNT

OF PREPARATION IS ENOUGH...

- ALL RIGHT.
- FOR THE PRESSURE

THAT HE'S FACING
HERE TONIGHT.

NATHAN NOW MAKING HIS WAY
INTO POSITION.

YOU CAN SEE OFFICER SMALLING
LOCKING HIM

INTO THAT LOOP,
AND THAT IS A SOLID STEEL FRAME.

- PUT THIS AROUND MY WRIST.

- CERTAINLY AN ADORABLE
GROUP OF KIDS

BROUGHT IN TONIGHT.

CERTAINLY HOPE THE NIGHT
DOESN'T END

WITH THEM SEEING A MAN
EXPOSE HIMSELF TO THEM.

WELL, NOW THAT NATHAN'S
LOCKED IN,

THE CREW GONNA DO
ONE LAST LOOK-OVER,

SO WE'LL STEP AWAY
FOR A COMMERCIAL,

AND WHEN WE RETURN,
THE ESCAPE.

- ALL RIGHT, WE'RE BACK,
AND THIS IS IT.

THE STAGE IS SET.

NATHAN HAS 90 SECONDS
TO FREE HIMSELF

FROM THOSE CUFFS
AND HIT THAT RED BUTTON

TO HIS RIGHT.

THE BUTTON IS A KILL SWITCH.

IT IS THE ONLY THING
THAT CAN STOP

THE PROGRAMMED MOTION
OF THE ROBOT

FROM TAKING OFF NATHAN'S PANTS
IN FRONT OF THESE KIDS.

AND NOW HE WILL
DELIVER THE LINE

GIVEN TO HIM
BY JUDGE FILOSA.

- SOMETHING MIGHT HAPPEN HERE,

AND IF IT DOES,
SO WHAT?

- AND WITH THAT,

HE HAS ESTABLISHED
WILLFUL INTENT.

SO IF HE
EXPOSES HIMSELF TONIGHT,

IN THE EYES OF THE LAW,

IT WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED
AN ACCIDENT.

- READY!

- GO!

- AND WE
ARE UNDERWAY NOW.

HMM, STRUGGLING.
LOOKED AS THOUGH HE--

HE PULLED A PICK
STRAIGHT FROM HIS HAIR.

NATHAN WORKING
ON THOSE HANDCUFFS.

WE ARE
80 SECONDS AWAY

FROM A LIFETIME
OF SCORN

FOR NATHAN.

NOW THE ROBOT
GOING TO THAT--

THAT FLY.
THE FLY IS DOWN.

AND WHILE
HE'S WORKING

ON THE HANDCUFFS,
THE ROBOT

CONTINUES TO WORK
ON THE PANTS.

APPEARS AS THOUGH
HE'S TAUNTING.

NO, HE'S GOING
FOR THAT LOOP.

NOW HAS
THE BUTTON UNDONE.

AND THE KIDS
LAUGHING ALONG

WITH THE ROBOT'S ANTICS.

NATHAN STRUGGLING
WITH THAT PICK.

HE DROPPED THE PICK.

IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S CAUGHT
ON HIS CLOTHING,

AND NOW HE'S TRYING
TO RETRIEVE IT,

AND HE'S GOT IT.

GOT IT WITH HIS--
WHAT A CLOSE CALL,

AS HE RETRIEVES THE PICK
WITH HIS TONGUE.

HAD THAT FALLEN
TO THE GROUND,

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN
ALL OVER.

NEXT IS GOING TO BE
THOSE LOOPS

ON THE HIP.

THIS IS GETTING
TIGHT HERE.

THE ROBOT NOW HAS
BOTH PANT LEGS DOWN,

IS ABOUT TO SECURE

THE LOOP
ON THE UNDERPANTS,

AND NATHAN'S STILL WORKING
ON THOSE CUFFS.

WE ARE JUST
20 SECONDS AWAY.

NATHAN WORKING
THOSE HANDCUFFS.

AND NOW IT LOOKS AS THOUGH,
WITH THE PANTS DOWN,

THE ROBOT GOING
FOR THAT UNDERWEAR LOOP.

WE ARE NOW AT TEN SECONDS
AND COUNTING.

WE HAVE JUST
A COUPLE SECONDS LEFT.

OH, NO, WE ARE SEEING
PUBIC HAIR.

BUT HE HAS ESCAPED.

NATHAN FIELDER
HAS MANAGED TO ESCAPE

AND SAVE HIMSELF
FROM A LIFETIME OF SHAME.

THERE'S THE REPLAY.

THE MOMENT WHERE HE WAS ABLE
TO PICK THE CUFFS,

HIT THE BUTTON
JUST IN TIME.

AND YOU CAN SEE THE RELIEF
ON HIS FACE.

WELL, THERE YOU SEE IT.

HE TOOK ON GREAT RISK,

AND NOW THIS,
HIS REWARD.

CONGRATULATIONS
FROM THE JUDGE AND OFFICER.

- GOOD JOB.
- THANK YOU.

- UM, SO THE ROBOT

PULLED HIS PANTS DOWN.

BUT HE WON.

SO--

- IT WAS REALLY FUNNY.

I REALLY WANTED HIS PANTS
TO FALL DOWN

'CAUSE IT'S HILARIOUS.

- I WOULD HAVE BEEN
SORT OF OFFENDED

IF IT--IF HIS UNDERWEAR
FELL DOWN,

BUT NOT THAT MUCH.

- HE PRESSED THE BUTTON,
AND THEN IT DIDN'T FALL DOWN.

I WAS LIKE, "YES!"

I WAS LIKE, "HALLELUJAH."

- OKAY, BEFORE YOU GUYS--
BEFORE YOU GUYS LEAVE,

REMEMBER TO ALWAYS TAKE
BIG RISKS

AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

AND FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS,
JUST LIKE I DID.

I DRE--WELL, YEAH, I DID.

IT WAS--
IT WAS A DREAM OF--

YOU KIND OF TALKED
OVER MY SPEECH.

OKAY. FINE.
- LET'S GO. LET'S GO.