Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 6, Episode 18 - Mary Tyler Moore - full transcript

Lou walks into the newsroom in the worst mood. Needing to unburden himself, he talk to Mary about what's bothering him. After a drunken spree after a dinner date, he woke up the next morning next to his dinner companion - an emotional stranger - who he refuses to name. After Mary finds out that that woman was Sue Ann, Lou asks her to promise him that she won't tell another living soul. Mary promises. But keeping office secrets from Murray is more difficult than she imagines. What may also be difficult is Sue Ann not spreading the word within the WJM offices. Both Mary telling Murray and Lou sleeping with Sue Ann may forever change Lou's relationship with both women.

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♪ Who can turn the
world on with her smile ♪

♪ Who can take a nothing day ♪

♪ And suddenly make
it all seem worthwhile ♪

♪ Well, it's you, girl
and you should know it ♪

♪ With each glance and every
little movement you show it ♪

♪ Love is all around
No need to waste it ♪

♪ You can have the town
Why don't you take it ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪

♪ You're gonna
make it after all ♪♪

All right. Everybody, out of the
newsroom. Ted, what's the matter?

What is it? I'm warning
you. Get out this minute!



Ted, what is it? A bomb? What?

It's worse than that.
It's Lou. [Murray] Lou?

Yeah. I just saw him
coming in. I said, "Good

morning," and he stuffed
my hat in a mailbox!

I never saw him like
that. I'm gettin' outta here.

Look, Ted, we've all
been through Lou's

Monday mornings. I
think you're overreacting.

Oh, yeah? Oh, come
on, Ted. Murray's right.

You didn't see him. Take my
word for it. Get out while you can!

[Whimpers]

Well, I do have
some work I can...

Mary!

Morning, Mr. Grant.

Come into my
office! Yes, Mr. Grant.



Don't give me any
of your back talk!

What i-is it? I don't want any
liquor on these premises ever again.

I hold you personally
responsible...

to see that I never
take another drink.

Get rid of this. But why?

Just get rid of it! I don't
want any booze in here.

Guys do crazy things
when they're drunk.

Not there.

That's the first
place I'll look.

[Groans] Mary.

- You wanna talk about it?
- No.

I had... dinner with
someone last night.

I had more drinks
than I should have.

I went to her apartment, and
that's where I was this morning.

Mary, do you know what it's
like to wake up next to a stranger?

Sure. I mean, I...

[Stammers] could certainly
imagine what, uh, that would be like.

No. No, you can't, Mary.

It's that awful feeling
that you've done

something wrong, and
there's no taking it back.

Mr. Grant, was she
really a stranger?

Not exactly.

It's someone I've known
for a couple of years.

But, uh, in the emotional sense, we
were strangers. You know what I mean?

Well, yeah, sure.
Sometimes you have to know

a person... [Clears
Throat] really well...

before you realize
that you're strangers.

But when I got
up this morning...

I was so confused.

- Emotionally?
- I didn't know where
the bathroom was.

And then... then it hit me what
had happened the night before.

Mary... [Groans] Someone who
hardly means anything to me.

I've never done anything
like that in my whole life.

Mr. Grant, I think you're really
being much too hard on yourself.

I mean, so you were with someone.
So what? What's done is done.

Yeah?

May-Maybe I feel this way
because of who the woman is.

But it doesn't matter
who the woman is.

Who is the woman?

I-I can't tell you
who it is, because,

if I tell you who it
is, you'll shun me.

I won't shun you.

Nah, sure, you can
say that now. Yeah.

Mr. Grant, you're not
wearing any socks.

Mary, I was lucky to find my
shoes, I raced out of there so fast.

Look at me. I'm
sweatin' bullets. I...

When did she have time
to put a note in my pants?

You were trying to
read my note. I wasn't.

I wasn't. I just... I just noticed
that whoever wrote the note...

dots her i's with little
hearts just like Sue Ann...

Nivens?

Now you know.

Wh-What do you
think, Mary? [Giggling]

[Stammering] You... No.
Okay. Give it to me straight.

[Loud Laughing]

It's not funny! It's not. I
know. I know. It's not. Mmm!

[Clears Throat]
What am I gonna do?

[Stifled Laugh] How-How can I
face her? What can I say to her?

Well, uh... [Chuckles] What do
you want to say to her, Mr. Grant?

Well, I want to explain to
her that I can't marry her.

[Stifled Laughing]

You think it's funny that she may expect
me to do the right thing by her, huh?

Oh, come on, Mr. Grant. She's
not gonna force you to marry her.

What do you think she's gonna
do... hold a spatula to your throat?

This... This concludes the
entertainment part of our program.

Okay, okay.

What you have to do
is promise me that you

won't tell anyone about
me and... [Murmurs]

- I promise.
- No, no. I mean really.

I really, really promise.
Cross your heart.

- [Sighs]
- That's better.

Oh.

Good morning. Hi,
Sue Ann. How are ya?

I didn't sleep a wink all
night. I feel wonderful.

[Knocking] Who is it?

It's opportunity knocking again.

- Hi, Sue Ann.
- Hello, Lou. How do you feel?

- I hope you feel
exactly the way I feel.
- How do you feel?

Like a glorious flower finally
opening her petals to the sun.

I don't feel exactly like that.

Listen, Sue Ann,
I'd love to talk to you.

I should talk to you. But
to be honest, I feel funny.

I... I don't know what to say.

Why don't you just say,

"Sue Ann, you're the most exciting
woman on God's green earth"?

Let's not bring God into this.

I just wanted to
return your coat.

Oh, fine. We don't
even have to talk now.

A real woman knows when
to leave her man alone.

[Door Opens, Closes]

Sue Ann! Yes, Lou?

Could-Could you do me a favor?

Well, maybe on my lunch hour.

No. No, no, no. N-No.

You-You don't understand.

It's-It's very
important to me...

that no one knows...
what-what happened last night.

[Laughing] Oh, Lou, you silly!

Everyone will know by
the roses in your cheeks.

Ah, Murr, thanks so
much for the lift. Mm-hmm.

So, listen. Did you find out
what was bothering Lou?

Yeah, I did. Yeah?
And what was it?

Well, I promised
him I wouldn't tell.

Oh. So what is it?

Murray! I just
finished telling you...

Yeah, yeah. You
promised you wouldn't tell.

But we tell each other everything
that happens in that office.

We always have, Mary,
and you're not gonna

stop now, because it's
something really juicy.

Murr, I never said it was
something really juicy.

Is it really juicy? Is it ever.

Ah! Listen, Mary. Let's trade.

I know a secret. I'll tell you
mine if you tell me yours. Oh!

Murray, I don't want to
play games about this.

I mean, I promised Mr. Grant.

So, how are the kids?

Okay, Mar. Okay.

You wanna know something?

I'm disappointed. No, I'm
serious. I'm very disappointed.

After all this time, all these
years... the closeness, the caring.

Now I find out... you
don't even trust me.

Murr, if I tell you... I
didn't say I would tell.

Mary, what do you want
me to do? Put on an act

or something? We both
know you're gonna tell me.

Soon as you said "if I tell you,"
meant you were gonna tell me.

I know you like a book, and now you're
gonna make me promise I won't tell anybody.

No, well, you see, you don't
know me like a book, Murr,

'cause I wouldn't have to make you
promise not to tell, 'cause you won't tell.

Will you? No.

Promise? Yes.

Guess who Sue Ann
Nivens spent the night with.

Come on, Mary. I have
to be home in an hour.

Oh, boy, it's so great to be
cleaning out these old files, huh?

Mm-hmm. Oh, Mr. Grant, look.

Here's Ted's job
application. Mm-hmm.

"Personal references:
Jacques Cousteau"?

Yeah, it was Ted's idea.

He figured we couldn't check since
Cousteau was underwater most of the time.

It certainly worked. Yeah.

Oh, say, Mary, any
phone calls for me? No.

Are you sure? Yeah, I'm sure.

Darn it, not one
solid lead all morning.

Ted, don't tell me you're actually
going for a news story on your own.

Come on, Murray. You mean
you haven't heard? Heard what?

[Giggles] I don't
know. You guys in here.

You're so wrapped up in your little
world of current events and world problems,

you don't see life passing right in
front of you. Okay, Ted. What is it?

Well, Sue Ann's hairdresser told me
Sue Ann's got a new man in her life,

and I'm hot on
the trail of who it is.

Why do you care?

Yeah, I don't care. I just
want to know who the jerk is.

[Ted] Lou? Huh?

[Laughs] Can you imagine what kind of a
Dumbo would wanna hang out with Sue Ann?

[Both Laughing]

Either he's a glutton for punishment,
or he just got out of prison.

Honestly, Ted, don't you have
anything better to do with your time?

Well, you guys are busy all day writing
the news. I got a lot of time to fill.

My brain needs stimulation. Have
you considered shock treatments?

Anyway, time just flies now
that I've got this mystery to solve.

Murray, you must have some
idea. Who do you think it is?

Who knows? It, uh, might
be somebody on her crew.

[Clears Throat]
You think so, Mar?

I don't know, Ted.

[Quietly] Um, Mr. Grant,
you look suspicious.

If it weren't you, you'd be interested
in what they're talking about.

All right, all right.

[Clearing Throat]

So, um, you think, uh, Sue
Ann has a new fella, huh, Ted?

Right. You know
somethin', Lou? What?

I've got a hunch she's foolin' around
with someone right here at WJM.

Is that right? Yeah.

Oh, Lou.

I just wanted to give
you your socks back.

They're all laundered.
I put lemon juice in

the water. Don't they
smell nice and fresh?

Yeah. yeah. Th-Thanks. Thanks,
Sue Ann. Oh, don't mention it.

I'll be happy to
do it... anytime.

Boy, Lou, are you lucky...

Getting someone
to do your socks.

Look at that. There's a
crease in them and everything.

By the way, did you notice how cool
she acted? She's not giving out any clues.

Ted, you wanna help me carry
these files into the storage room? Sure.

Hey! Look at that... My résumé.

[Chuckles] Oh, by the way, Lou, did
you ever get in touch with Jacques?

Uh, I... I suppose
you're wondering...

- what Sue Ann was doing
with my socks.
- Mmm.

Well, uh... You see, uh,

I was down in her studio
the other day, and, uh...

Uh, she was cooking
Japanese food.

Yeah. And, uh...
And you know how...

you always, uh, take your shoes
off in a, uh, Japanese restaurant.

[Clears Throat] So I, uh...

Which explains what Sue
Ann was doing with my shoes.

Now, what was she
doing with my socks?

Lou. Huh?

You don't have to do
this in front of me. I know.

You... You know what?

I know about... you know.

[Chuckles] You... You can't
believe what Sue Ann says.

Sue Ann didn't tell me.

I only told one person.

[Footsteps Approaching]

And you crossed your heart!

Mr. Grant, won't you
please open the door?

Mary, I'm sorry. I know. I know.

Thank you for opening
the door, Mr. Grant.

Okay. I want you to make sure that
the footage on the dockworkers' strike...

is out of editing in time.

I think we should talk.
Mm-mmm. I don't want to.

Mr. Grant, I just want to say...

Mary, I don't want
to talk about it.

Okay, okay. You have
every right to be mad at me.

Mary, I'm not mad.

I still respect you as a
producer. I want you to stay here.

I want you to work here.
We're still in business.

We're just not friends anymore.

Well, I-I did... I didn't
know it was this bad.

I... I didn't realize you weren't
gonna even be angry with me.

Mr. Grant, if you could just
listen to me... Mary, Mary.

Will you please
respect me on this?

You're not gonna change my mind.

There's a lot I could say.

There's a lot I could tell you
about what I think you did to me.

I asked you not to do it.

You violated my confidence.

It was important to me.

I'm your boss. It doesn't
interfere with that.

We're just not friends anymore.

[Crying]

I don't think it's
fair for you to cry.

I can't help it.
I'm trying not to.

[Sighs]

[Sobbing Quietly]

Do you want to go outside and collect
yourself before we go on with business?

No. I'm going to collect
myself right now if I can.

[Sniffling, Gasping]

You almost collected now?

Mr. Grant, it wasn't
the way you think it was!

We're no longer friends,
Mary. [Loud Sobbing]

I don't want to talk
any more about this.

Say, Lou...

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know
you were talking to Mary.

Mary?

Why are you
weeping... into a sock?

I... [Sobbing]

Ted. Will you leave us alone?

Oh, sure, Lou. I just stopped by to tell
you Sue Ann's waiting for you on her set.

- She wants to see you
right away.
- Okay.

I'd better get down there.

Mary?

Do you want to see what I do
to stop Georgette from crying?

Boo! [Screams]

Oh! No, that's for hiccups.

Sue Ann. Lou, come in.

[Kisses] Come in.

Ted said you wanted to
see me, and it's just as well,

because there were a few
things I wanted to talk to you about.

Come over here and sit down.

Lou, there's something I
want to say to you. Yeah?

And then you can say whatever
you want to say to me after.

All right. Go ahead.

Thy breath was
shed upon my breast.

All night upon my heart,
I felt a warm heart beat.

Oh, how sweet be thy face...

the next time we lovers meet.

Well, what did you
want to say to me?

How's tricks?

Not as romantic as I was hoping.

Sue Ann, I just
wanted to apologize.

Lou, apologize?

Apologize for what?
You were wonderful.

[Murmurs] Ah, let
me put it this way.

If you were a soufflé,
you'd rise high in the pan.

If you were a crêpe suzette, your
flame would light a whole room.

[Chuckles] If you were
an omelet... Now, eh, Sue...

Sue Ann, Sue Ann, none of
this is what I wanted to talk about.

No, what I wanted...

What if I were an omelet?

Oh, Lou. Sometimes I wonder if
you really know how cute you are.

Sue Ann.

I... I feel terrible.

I feel like the worst
heel on earth, and if

there's any way I can
make it up to you...

I... I don't know
how to tell you this,

but... what happened
the other night...

can never happen again.

Sure, it can. No.
N-No, it can't.

Mm-mmm. I'm really
disappointed in you, Lou.

Thinking you can take a
sensitive woman such as myself...

and toy with my affections,

take advantage
of my innocence...

and then just cast me aside.

[Groans] Sue Ann.

Come on.

Come on, come
on. Don't feel bad.

I'm sorry.

L-Listen, would you like to
go to dinner or something?

Can you really believe
that I would forgive you...

just because you offer
to buy me one dinner?

Oh, well, how about
two dinners and a lunch?

You got yourself a deal.

Lou? Oh, Lou, there you are.

[Lou] Oh. Listen, Mary asked
me to stop by to tell you...

that she's not leaving
till you get up there.

I'll see you at
dinner tonight, dear.

Sue Ann wore your overcoat.
She brought your socks.

She just kissed you
tenderly on the head.

You know somethin', Lou?

If her new boyfriend finds
out, he's gonna kill you.

Hi.

Mr. Gr... Mr. Grant,
if you buy a house...

and you find that the rooms
are drafty, you don't move out.

I agree. Is that all?

No, I'm trying to
make a point here.

Mr. Grant, my point is...

that if you have a friend
who really cares about you,

and she makes one mistake,
you don't stop being friends.

- That I don't agree with.
- Well, it's just like
the drafty house!

You have a point.

Okay, I'll move out
of the drafty house.

I only told Murray, because I knew
he would never tell anyone. Mary...

He wouldn't hurt you.

Mary, I don't care. I said I don't
want to talk about it anymore.

I was serious. I don't
want to discuss it.

Well, if we can't be friends...

then I don't think I want
to work here anymore.

You will give me two
weeks' notice, won't you?

No. No, I will give
you two years' notice.

In two years, if you're still
acting like this, then I'm gettin' out!

Boy, I can't even
get a smile out of you.

Okay. Okay, there's
just one answer.

I'm gonna tell you the
biggest secret in my life.

And you can tell anyone you
want, and then we'll be even.

There was a man...
who came into town once.

You've met him.

He was just here for one day.

I'd never met him. I...

I was at a party, and I
had a couple of cocktails.

And he drove me
home, and, well, we had...

the same sort of relationship
that you had with Sue Ann.

And that man's name is...

Walter Cronkite.

Come on, Mary.

Roger Mudd?

- You're starting to smile.
- I am not.

You are. You're starting to
smile, and you're trying to hide it.

Because you know, if you smile,
that means we're friends again.

I am not smiling. Yes,
you are. You are. Look.

See? The little corners are
starting to turn just a little.

No, they aren't. There on the left
and there on the right. Yes, they are.

You're smiling.

I can see the corners.

I can see 'em. You're smiling.

There it is.

[Mews]