Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 4, Episode 3 - Mary Tyler Moore - full transcript

Rhoda invites Mary to accompany her for an exciting weekend in New York City to attend the wedding of Rhoda's younger sister, Debbie Morgenstern. The weekend doesn't end up being quite what Mary expected when she agreed to go. Instead of staying at a hotel, Mary is invited to stay with Rhoda's parents. And as the impartial third party, Mary ends up being the mediator between Rhoda and Ida in what is the major issue of the weekend. As Debbie is her younger daughter, Ida believes that Rhoda is unhappy being the proverbial old maid. So Ida does whatever she can to ruin Debbie's wedding to make Rhoda happy. Rhoda, in turn, is happy for her sister and does whatever she can to leave before the wedding so that Ida won't ruin Debbie's wedding. The cycle between mother and oldest daughter goes full circle when Ida believes Rhoda's want to leave is because of her unhappiness in Debbie getting married first, which strengthens Ida's resolve to ruin Debbie's wedding. A thirty year old letter may give both mother and oldest daughter a little perspective in the situation. Meanwhile, back at the newsroom, Ted is filming a series of new promotional spots to make him seem like an anchorman who is active in the pursuit of news stories. The filming doesn't go quite as easily as Lou had hoped.

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♪ WHO CAN TURN THE
WORLD ON WITH HER SMILE ♪

♪ WHO CAN TAKE A NOTHING DAY ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY MAKE IT
ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S YOU, GIRL
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW IT ♪

♪ WITH EACH GLANCE AND EVERY
LITTLE MOVEMENT YOU SHOW IT ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL AROUND
NO NEED TO WASTE IT ♪

♪ YOU CAN HAVE THE TOWN
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪♪

NOW, TED, I DON'T WANT YOU
TO MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS.

WE'RE TRYING TO DO
SOMETHING REALLY TRICKY.



WE'RE TRYING TO MAKE YOU
LOOK LIKE A WORKING NEWSMAN.

HUH? ALL RIGHT.

[Disgusted Grunt]

WHAT'S GOING ON?

THE STATION MANAGER ORDERED SOME
NEW PROMOS FOR THE SIX O'CLOCK NEWS.

OKAY, TED. OKAY.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PULL
A COPY OFF THE TELETYPE,

WALK OVER TO THE
DESK, PICK UP THE PHONE...

AND PRETEND SOMEBODY'S
CALLING IN A BIG STORY.

GOT IT?

OKAY. LET'S SHOOT
IT. GIVE ME THAT!

SHOOT!

NOW! GO ON!

RING, RING.



HELLO? SOMEBODY'S
CALLING IN A BIG STORY.

[Groans] TED, WE'RE
NOT USING SOUND!

[Mouthing Words]

FORGET IT! CUT! CUT!

LET'S JUST HAVE YOU
SITTING AT THE DESK.

[Mouthing Words]

UH... AND TAKE OFF YOUR JACKET. TAKE
OFF YOUR JACKET. YOU LOOK MORE RELAXED.

I FEEL MORE RELAXED
WITH MY JACKET ON, LOU.

IT MAKES ME FEEL...
MORE LIKE A MAN.

TED, WHY DON'T YOU TRY TYPING?

[Chuckling] OKAY.

"T," "T," "T," "T," "T."

- CUT!
- HEY, THERE'S A FOUR-ALARM
FIRE DOWNTOWN!

WILL YOU HOLD IT DOWN? NEWSMEN
ARE WORKING. [Lou] FOUR-ALARM?

YEAH. GREAT.

MURRAY, TAKE TED AND
SHOOT HIM AT THE FIRE.

AT THE FIRE, LOU?

LET'S GO, TED.

UH, IT'S NOT FOR MY
OWN SAFETY, MIND YOU,

BUT I... I JUST REMEMBERED I
HAVE A PREVIOUS ENGAGEMENT.

WHAT ENGAGEMENT?
AND MAKE IT GOOD.

UH... OH, I HAVE TO PAY
MY LAST RESPECTS...

TO MY CLOSEST FRIEND.

ONE DAY... LAUGHING,
JOKING, EATING.

AND THE NEXT... THE OLD
HAPPY HUNTING GROUND.

IT WAS TRAGIC.

BUT WHY CRY OVER SPILLED MILK?

I GUESS I BETTER
GO TO THAT FIRE.

YOU ALL SET, MURR?
LET'S GO. YEAH.

OH! HEY, GUYS. WHERE'S THE
FIRE? WASHINGTON AND THIRD.

HIYA, MAR. HI.

- HELLO, LOU.
- HEY, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

MARY, I HAD THIS CRAZY IDEA, AND I JUST
HAD TO COME OVER AND TELL YOU ABOUT IT.

YOU SAID YOU HAD NOTHING
PLANNED FOR THIS WEEKEND. YEAH.

- LET'S GO TO NEW YORK.
- NEW YORK?

YEAH. YOU'RE KIDDING.

NO, I'M SERIOUS. WE'LL TAKE IN A COUPLE
OF SHOWS, YOU KNOW, GO SHOPPING.

SEE THE BALLET. EAT
SOME GREAT FOOD. RIGHT.

GO TO A WEDDING.

MY SISTER'S WEDDING. YOU'LL
BE HAVING SUCH A GREAT TIME,

SURELY YOU CAN SPARE AN HOUR TO
COME TO MY LITTLE SISTER'S WEDDING.

- YEAH! SURE!
- GREAT. OH, BUT I MUST
WARN YOU ABOUT ONE THING.

- MY PARENTS WILL BE THERE.
- OH!

[Doorbell Rings]

RHODA? YEAH. IT'S US!

[Laughing] RHODA!

OH, RHODA, HONEY.
AND MARY! HIYA, POP.

HI! GEE.

YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.
WELL, THANK YOU.

HEY, LISTEN. I'LL BET YOU
TWO MUST BE EXHAUSTED.

OH, NO. NOT REALLY. HEY, UH,
POP. COULD WE COME IN, PLEASE?

[Laughing] COME ON!

YOU CRAZY! HOW GOOD TO SEE
YOU, POP. HONEY, IT'S GOOD TO SEE...

GIVE THE OLD BELLHOP HERE
THE THINGS. HI, MR. MORGENSTERN.

- RHODA!
- MA!

THERE SHE IS.

AND MARY! HI.

OH, WELCOME TO FUN CITY.

ISN'T THIS NICE?

MARY, WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF OUR LOVELY APARTMENT?

AH. IT'S... IT'S LOVELY.

LOOKIT THERE! OH,
WELL, THAT'S JUST A COPY.

- COME ON AND SIT DOWN, MARY.
- OH, NO. I CAN'T. I'VE GOT
A CAB WAITING DOWNSTAIRS.

I JUST STOPPED IN TO SAY
HELLO ON MY WAY TO THE HOTEL.

HOTEL? MARTIN, SHE SAID
"HOTEL" IN OUR HOUSE?

I'M SURPRISED AT YOU, MARY.

I'M GONNA GO DOWN TO THE CAB,
GET YOUR BAG AND PAY THE CAB DRIVER.

OH, NO. NO. HOW MUCH
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO TIP?

NEVER MIND. I'LL
FIGURE IT OUT MYSELF.

BUT I'VE GOT A ROOM ALL
RESERVED, WITH A VIEW OF THE PARK.

OH, MARY, YOU DON'T WANT TO
SEE WHAT GOES ON IN THAT PARK.

WHERE'S DEBBIE? SHE'S OUT.

OH, ALL RIGHT. IT'S ALL
RIGHT. SHE'S ENGAGED.

SHE'S GOT TILL 1:30.

MARY, YOU ARE GONNA HAVE
A WONDERFUL TIME. I KNOW.

LET ME TAKE YOU ON A LITTLE TOUR.
LET'S SEE. WE'LL START WITH THE MANTEL.

YOU WILL NEVER, IN A MILLION
YEARS, GUESS WHO IS IN THIS PHOTO.

RHODA!

YEAH, RIGHT. OH! LOOK!

OH, YEAH, THAT'S ME, ALL RIGHT,

WHEN I JUST REACHED
THE AGE OF NOT DATING.

MARY, I WANT YOU TO COME IN...

WITH ME... TO...

THE GUEST ROOM.

SURPRISED? HEY. AH, LOOK.
YOU WERE PREPARED FOR ME.

YEAH, AND YOU
WERE TALKIN' HOTEL.

LISTEN, MAYBE I SHOULD STAY AT A
HOTEL. I REALLY FEEL I'M IMPOSING.

I'M GONNA BE IN YOUR WAY.
NONSENSE. WE'LL BE IN YOUR WAY.

MR. MORGENSTERN,
WH-WHERE'S MY MAKEUP CASE?

WHAT MAKEUP CASE? THE
CAB DRIVER SAID THIS WAS ALL.

- UH-OH.
- [Whimpers]

LOOK, DON'T WORRY. DON'T WORRY.

NEW YORK CAB DRIVERS
ALWAYS RETURN EVERYTHING.

LISTEN, I'M-I'M REALLY SORRY,
BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I'LL DO.

I'LL CALL HIM THE FIRST
THING IN THE MORNING.

OH, THANK YOU. LISTEN, I'M GONNA
HAVE TO BORROW SOME THINGS THOUGH.

WHAT? LET'S SEE. TOOTHBRUSH,
TOOTHPASTE, HAIR ROLLERS, NIGHTGOWN.

HAIR ROLLERS, NIGHTGOWN? SO WHAT
DID YOU HAVE LEFT TO PACK IN HERE?

I GOT SOME CHINESE PAJAMAS MARTIN BOUGHT
ME THREE YEARS AGO THAT I'VE NEVER WORN.

THEY'RE IN THE BREAKFRONT
IN A GIFT-WRAPPED PACKAGE.

COME ON. LET'S LEAVE
THE GIRLS ALONE. YEAH.

GOOD NIGHT, GIRLS. SLEEP TIGHT
AND DON'T LET THE BEDBUGS BITE.

GOOD NIGHT, POP.

THAT'S A JOKE.

WE NEVER HAD A
BUG IN THIS HOUSE.

HEY, MARY. LOOK WHAT I
DUG UP OUT OF A CLOSET.

WHAT? MY OLD DIARY.

OH! LOOK.

TWO TICKET STUBS FROM THE ROBE.
MY FIRST DATE WITH A CHRISTIAN.

MARY, WILL YOU LOOK
AT THIS SCRIBBLING?

OH, KID, I REMEMBER EVERY
NIGHT SITTING WITH THIS DIARY,

WRITING AND SMOKING,
WRITING AND SMOKING.

HEY, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU EVER
SMOKED. ARE YOU KIDDING?

AT P.S. 142 EVERYBODY
SMOKED. IT WAS REQUIRED.

THAT'S WHAT "P.S."
MEANT... "PEOPLE SMOKING."

OH, RHODA, AND DO YOU
REMEMBER PARTIES ON FRIDAY NIGHT,

AND THE BOYS WERE ALWAYS
AFRAID TO ASK YOU TO DANCE,

AND SO THE GIRLS HAD TO
DANCE WITH EACH OTHER?

MARY, IN THOSE DAYS, EVEN THE
GIRLS WOULDN'T ASK ME TO DANCE.

AH! REALLY.

HEY, LISTEN. "FEBRUARY 23.

"TODAY MY MOTHER CAME IN MY
ROOM, SAT ME DOWN AND WHISPERED...

"THAT A WONDERFUL THING
WAS GONNA HAPPEN TO ME...

ONCE A MONTH."

SEE? IN BLACK AND WHITE.

OH, RHODA. GEE, THE
THINGS FROM BACK THEN.

THEY'RE SO FUNNY NOW,
AREN'T THEY? NOT YET.

RHODA! OOH! SHH! YOU'LL
WAKE UP MOM AND POP.

SHE'S HERE.

DEBBIE! SHH!

HOW ARE YOU? I GOT
LIPSTICK ON... HOW ARE YOU?

YOU LOOK WONDERFUL!
OH, YOU BEAUTIFUL THING.

THIS IS MARY. THIS
IS DEBBIE, MY SISTER.

HI, DEBBIE. HI. THANKS FOR
COMING TO MY WEDDING.

OH! THANKS FOR HAVING ME. YEAH.

YOUR WEDDING. MY LITTLE
SISTER'S GETTING MARRIED.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. YEAH,
I'M GETTING MARRIED.

YOU THINK I SHOULD? I MEAN,
MAYBE I SHOULD WAIT A WHILE.

AFTER ALL, I'M ONLY 21. WELL...

RIGHT. YEAH. THAT'S
WHAT I THOUGHT.

- MARY. MARY, YOU DON'T THINK
I'M TOO YOUNG, DO YOU?
- WELL, YOU KNOW...

YEAH. YEAH. AFTER
ALL, I'M 21. WE'RE ADULTS.

HEY, THANKS, YOU GUYS.

I FEEL A LOT BETTER
NOW AFTER TALKING IT OUT.

YOU SUPPOSE SHE SLEEPS THIS
LATE IN MINNEAPOLIS? I DON'T KNOW.

OH, OH, OH. HEY!

COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!

UH... I-I... GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING! OH, MARY.

MARTIN AND I ARE
SO GLAD YOU CAME.

YOU KNOW, THIS ISN'T GONNA
BE AN EASY VISIT FOR RHODA.

WELL, YEAH, COMING
HOME IS ALWAYS A LITTLE...

WELL, HER YOUNGER SISTER
GETTING MARRIED... THAT'S TOUGH.

BUT MARTIN AND I ARE SO GRATEFUL THAT
YOU'RE GONNA BE HERE TO SUPPORT RHODA...

IN HER TIME OF REAL HURT.

NO, MRS. MORGENSTERN,
RHODA ISN'T HURT.

THAT DEBBIE IS GETTING MARRIED?

NO. CAN'T YOU SEE HOW
HAPPY SHE IS? AH, SHE COVERS.

SHE'S UNHAPPY
BECAUSE SHE THINKS...

THAT I THINK THAT RHODA
SHOULD BE GETTING MARRIED.

OH, THAT'S NOT
TRUE. YES, IT IS TRUE.

I DO THINK RHODA SHOULD
BE MARRIED. RHODA KNOWS ME.

SHE KNOWS THERE'S A PAIN
IN MY HEART THIS WEEKEND...

BECAUSE SHE'S NOT
GETTING MARRIED.

AND IT'S HARD TO CONVINCE
RHODA THAT THE PAIN IS NOT THERE...

BECAUSE THERE ISN'T ANYBODY ON THIS BLOCK
THAT DOESN'T KNOW THAT THAT PAIN IS THERE.

BUT, MRS. MORGENSTERN...

THAT'S WHY WE'VE DECIDED NOT TO
TALK ABOUT THE WEDDING OR DWELL ON IT.

DEBBIE WON'T MIND. I MEAN, SHE'S GETTING
MARRIED. SHE WON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

BUT THE POINT IS
NOT TO HURT RHODA.

MARTIN AGREES WITH ME.
DON'T YOU, MARTIN? OH, YES.

SEE, WHAT WE'LL DO, MARY, IS
WE'LL PLAY DOWN THE WHOLE THING.

SEE, IT'LL BE A SUNDAY
JUST LIKE ANY OTHER SUNDAY,

EXCEPT THERE'LL BE A LITTLE
CEREMONY WE DON'T USUALLY GO TO,

AND, UH, 350 PEOPLE WILL BE
COMING TO DINNER, THAT'S ALL.

THAT'S THE BEST
WAY TO HANDLE IT.

NO, MRS. MORGENSTERN. LISTEN TO ME
BECAUSE I'M GONNA TELL YOU THE TRUTH.

RHODA IS DELIGHTED THAT
DEBBIE IS GETTING MARRIED.

SHE IS DELIGHTED.

I MEAN, IT NEVER EVEN
ENTERED HER MIND TO BE UPSET...

BECAUSE RHODA IS VERY
HAPPY WITH HER LIFE.

SO, MRS. MORGENSTERN,
I AM TELLING YOU,

AS RHODA'S BEST FRIEND WHO KNOWS
HER BETTER THAN ANYBODY ELSE,

SHE IS THRILLED THAT DEBBIE
IS GETTING MARRIED, OKAY?

MARY, BUTT OUT.

WELL, IT'S GONNA BE A BIG
WEEKEND, RIGHT, DEB? YEAH.

OF COURSE IT'S A BIG WEEKEND. HOW MANY
TIMES DOES HER SISTER COME TO VISIT, RIGHT?

MA, THAT'S RIDICULOUS. I'M
TALKING ABOUT THE WEDDING.

EH, A WEDDING. LISTEN, TODAY
A LOT OF PEOPLE GET MARRIED.

BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE
DON'T HAVE A SISTER.

DEBRA, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOUR
WEDDING DRESS YET. YOU KNOW THAT?

IT'S WHITE.

BUT, LISTEN, HAS ANYBODY
NOTICED HOW THIN RHODA'S GETTING?

- HUH, MARTIN? WHAT ABOUT THAT?
- THAT'S RIGHT. BUT THEN SHE WAS
ALWAYS THIN TO ME.

EVEN WHEN SHE WAS
FAT, SHE WAS THIN.

ISN'T IT LOVELY HOW MANY TOPICS
A CLOSE FAMILY HAS TO TALK ABOUT?

OH, YEAH... FAT,
THIN, DRESSES, WHITE.

RHODA, WE'D BETTER BE GOING. THE
WEDDING REHEARSAL STARTS PRETTY SOON.

OH, WHAT REHEARSAL? YOU
DON'T HAVE TO GO TO REHEARSAL.

AUNT ROSE CAN STAND IN FOR YOU.

I MEAN, THAT'S SILLY. GO HAVE
FUN WITH YOUR FRIEND MARY.

THAT'S RIGHT. WHY DON'T YOU GO
SHOPPING? YOU'LL TAKE IN A MATINEE.

HEY, WAIT. FOLKS, LOOK. I AM
GOING TO THAT REHEARSAL, OKAY?

RHODA, DON'T BE SO
STUBBORN. GO TO A SHOW.

WHAT DO YOU NEED A
REHEARSAL FOR? YOU'LL WING IT.

YEAH, DEBBIE WON'T
MIND. WILL YOU, DEB?

SURE. IF YOU WANT TO WING
MY WEDDING, WE CAN WING IT.

EXCUSE ME.

MARY. MEET ME IN
THE BEDROOM, QUICK.

[Whispers] MARY!

I WANT YOU TO TELL ME
EVERY WORD SHE SAYS TO YOU.

[Mouthing Words]

MARY, MY MOTHER...

SHE IS CONVINCED THAT RUINING DEBBIE'S
WEDDING WILL SOMEHOW MAKE ME HAPPY.

YEAH, I KNOW. SHE TOLD ME.

THERE'S ONLY ONE THING
I CAN DO. I GOTTA LEAVE.

RHODA, I DON'T BELIEVE
WHAT I'M HEARING. MARY...

I MEAN, YOU DRAGGED
ME HERE TO NEW YORK.

ON BENDED KNEE, YOU GOT DOWN
AND PLEADED WITH ME TO COME.

AND NOW, ALL OF A
SUDDEN, YOU'RE LEAVING?

RHODA, COME ON!
FUN, YOU PROMISED ME.

ALL RIGHT. I'M NOT
TALKING FUN ANYMORE.

I AM TALKING LIKE YOUR
MOTHER, I AM TALKING.

RHODA, ACTUALLY, WHAT I
AM TRYING TO SAY IS, COME ON!

YOU CAN'T WALK OUT ON
YOUR SISTER'S WEDDING.

I HAVE TO, MAR. DON'T
YOU SEE? FOR DEBBIE.

THEY'RE MAKING IT
TERRIBLE FOR HER.

I MEAN, THIS IS THE MOST
IMPORTANT THING IN THE KID'S LIFE,

AND MY MOTHER
IS... IS IGNORING IT!

YOU'RE SITTING ON MY COAT.

I KNOW.

GET UP.

NO.

OKAY, MAR. YOU'RE
RIGHT. I'M BEING CRAZY.

I MEAN, I'M GONNA
STAY. I'M STAYING.

NOW CAN I HAVE MY COAT?

NO, YOU MAY NOT. I
KNOW YOU, RHODA.

ONCE YOU'VE GOT YOUR MIND MADE
UP, YOU DON'T SWITCH THAT EASILY.

ALL RIGHT. I GIVE UP. I'LL STAY.

RHODA? YEAH, KID.

IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH
MOM? WELL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, SHE JUST TOLD ME NOT TO
ACT TOO HAPPY AT MY WEDDING.

HEY, MARTIN. MARTIN,
TAKE A LOOK. HUH?

DID YOU EVER SEE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL
BRIDE? RIGHT OFF A WEDDING CAKE.

HEY, DADDY, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

OH, HONEY, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

BUT I'LL SHOW YOU SOMEBODY ELSE
WHO'S GOING TO LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

HERE YOU ARE.

AH, WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN'?
MORGENSTERN, YOU'RE GORGEOUS!

♪♪ [Humming]

♪ I'M ♪

♪ PUTTIN' ON MY TOP HAT ♪
HEY, HEY!

♪ PUTTIN' ON MY WHITE TIE ♪

♪ AND I'M PUTTIN' ON THE FRITZ ♪

♪♪ [Vocalizing] COME
ON, MARY. COME ON.

ALL RIGHT. TAKE A TURN
WITH TWINKLE TOES HERE.

♪ I'M ♪

♪ I'M PUTTIN' ON MY TOP HAT ♪
HEY, HEY!

♪ PUTTIN' ON MY WHITE TIE ♪

♪ AND I'M PUTTIN' ON MY TAILS ♪♪

BIG FINISH! ♪♪ [Vocalizing]

HEY! YEAH!

OH, BOY. MR. MORGENSTERN!

YOU'RE A WONDERFUL
DANCER, YOU KNOW?

THANK YOU.

OH, BOY. IDA, TOP HAT.
DO YOU REMEMBER?

WE SAW THAT PICTURE ON
OUR HONEYMOON. YEAH, RIGHT.

JUST GUESS WHERE WE SPENT OUR
HONEYMOON. GO AHEAD, MARY. GUESS.

- NIAGARA FALLS?
- YEAH, RIGHT.

RHODA, HI! WHERE
ARE YOU... GOING?

UH, SNACK.

OH. WELL, WE WERE
JUST ALL SITTIN' AROUND,

TALKIN' ABOUT THE GREAT
PLACES THAT PEOPLE GO... UH...

ON THEIR, UH, H-HAPPY TIMES.

SO, UH, WHY DON'T YOU
COME ON IN HERE? RHODES?

SIT DOWN. RIGHT HERE.

MARY, I'M OKAY.

WELL, OF COURSE YOU'RE OKAY.
WHY WOULDN'T YOU BE OKAY?

I MEAN, YOU GOT ONE TERRIFIC LIFE
FOR YOURSELF OUT THERE IN MINNEAPOLIS.

WONDERFUL FRIENDS,
WONDERFUL JOB.

I MEAN, LISTEN... COULD BE DEBBIE
HERE THAT'S MAKING THE MISTAKE.

MISSING OUT ON ALL THAT
FREEDOM. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

MISSING OUT ON ALL THAT FREEDOM.

YOU KNOW, I'M, UH, JUST
GONNA TAKE A LITTLE WALK.

BE BACK IN A FLASH.
RHODA, DON'T GO.

IT'S OKAY, MARY. IT'S NOT AS
DANGEROUS AS YOU THINK IN NEW YORK.

- SHE'S GOING TO MINNEAPOLIS.
- OH!

RHODA! OH, MY... MY BABY!

AUNTIE ROSE! HI! DEBBIE!

OH, MY BABIES!
HI, MARTIN! HI, IDA!

HI, ROSE. GOOD TO SEE YOU, ROSE.

RHODA. DEBBIE. AUNT ROSE
NEVER PLAYS FAVORITES.

SHE GOT EACH OF YOU A
WEDDING GIFT. WELL, WHO'S THIS?

- THAT'S MARY, AUNTIE ROSE.
- HI.

MARY! WHO IS SHE?

MY FRIEND MARY,
FROM MINNEAPOLIS.

MARY! OH, SHE'S
ADORABLE! SHE'S ADORABLE!

COME GIVE YOUR AUNT ROSE A HUG!

AH-HA-HA!

MARY? COULD I SPEAK TO
YOU FOR A MOMENT IN PRIVATE?

YES. SURE. SURE. EXCUSE ME.

YEAH. WAIT TILL YOU
SEE WHAT I GOT YOU.

A PLACE SETTING FOR EACH
OF YOU. [Debbie] OH, THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, MARY. YOU'RE THE SMART
ONE. TELL ME, WHY IS RHODA LEAVING?

WELL, MRS. MORGENSTERN, I THINK
YOU'RE TALKING TO THE WRONG PERSON.

WHY DON'T YOU ASK RHODA?

DID YOU EVER TRY AND ASK HER
ANYTHING AND GET A STRAIGHT ANSWER...

TOO LATE, MA. MARY ALREADY KNOWS ABOUT THE
WONDERFUL THING THAT HAPPENS ONCE A MONTH.

BOTH OF YOU, I'M
SORRY. GOOD-BYE.

RHODA, LISTEN... I'LL
JUST WAIT OUTSIDE.

MARY, STAY. YES, STAY,
MARY. I WANT YOU TO STAY.

I WANT YOU TO BE THE JUDGE OF
THIS. NOW, SIT. JUDGES SIT, SO SIT.

RHODA, I WANT TO TELL YOU...

THAT I KNOW WHY YOU'RE
LEAVING, AND I UNDERSTAND.

OKAY, WHY DO YOU THINK I'M
LEAVING? TEN-TO-ONE YOU'RE WRONG.

YOU'RE LEAVING BECAUSE YOU'RE
HURT THAT DEBBIE'S GETTING MARRIED.

MA, LISTEN TO ME, PLEASE.

I AM LEAVING BECAUSE
YOU HAVE THE CRAZY IDEA...

THAT IF YOU MAKE DEBBIE'S
WEDDING A DISASTER, I'LL BE HAPPY.

[Knocking]

I CAN SMELL TROUBLE A MILE
OFF. WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?

WELL, THEY'RE HAVING A TALK, AND I
REALLY THINK THEY SHOULD BE LEFT ALONE.

THEN WHY ARE YOU
HERE? I'M THE JUDGE.

- AND YOU'RE DOING FINE.
- THANKS.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID RIGHT.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG.

ALL I KNOW IS I DIDN'T
WANT TO HURT MY FAVORITE.

MA, I WAS NEVER YOUR
FAVORITE. DEBBIE WAS.

THAT'S TRUE.

BUT YOU WERE YOUR
FATHER'S FAVORITE.

THEN ABOUT THE TIME YOU MOVED, WELL,
YOUR FATHER AND DEBBIE GOT VERY CLOSE.

SO FOR THE PAST FIVE YEARS, WHILE
YOU'VE BEEN OUT IN MINNEAPOLIS,

ALTHOUGH YOU DIDN'T KNOW
IT, YOU'VE BEEN MY FAVORITE.

EXCEPT FOR THOSE TWO WEEKS WHEN
YOUR FATHER AND I CAME TO VISIT YOU,

AND THEN IT WAS OKAY BECAUSE
YOU WERE YOUR FATHER'S FAVORITE.

I... ARE YOU FINISHED, MA?

YES. OKAY.

YOU CAN GO. BUT BEFORE YOU
LEAVE, I WANNA GIVE YOU SOMETHING.

MAYBE AFTER YOU'VE READ THIS, YOU'LL
UNDERSTAND YOUR MOTHER A LITTLE BETTER.

"TO BE READ BY MY DARLING
DAUGHTER ON THE DAY OF HER WEDDING."

- THIS IS FOR DEBBIE.
- NO, IT'S FOR YOU. I WROTE IT
THE DAY YOU WERE BORN.

SOME MOTHERS WOULD JUST HAVE
RESTED AFTER SUCH AN EXHAUSTING DAY,

BUT I WROTE A LETTER.

OH, MARY, YOU READ IT, WILL YOU?

IF SHE READS IT, SHE'LL
PROBABLY CRY. CRY? I WON'T CRY.

OH, WELL, WE'LL SEE
WHO WON'T CRY. SIT.

READ.

- "DEAR MARCIA"...
- WHO'S MARCIA?

THAT'S YOU. IT'S A NAME
YOUR FATHER HATED.

"DEAR MARCIA, AS YOU
ARE READING THIS LETTER,

"I SEE YOU STANDING IN
YOUR WHITE GOWN AND VEIL.

"WELL, THIS CERTAINLY
HAS BEEN A BIG DAY.

"MY MOTHER WANTS
ME TO NAME YOU RHODA,

"BUT I TOLD HER THAT I REFUSE TO
LET HER RUN MY LIFE ANYMORE, MARCIA.

"OH, GEE, YOU'RE SO CUTE.

"DARK HAIR, DARK EYES.

I KNOW YOU'LL BE LOVABLE
BECAUSE WE ARE A LOVABLE FAMILY."

DO I SEE TEARS? NO.

WELL, WE'LL SEE. "I JUST
KNEW YOU'D BE A GIRL.

"GOD HAS BEEN GOOD TO ME.

"THE NURSES HAVEN'T BEEN SO
NICE, BUT GOD HAS BEEN GOOD TO ME.

"NOW I HAVE EVERYTHING...

"A LOVING HUSBAND AND
A BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER.

SOMEONE ONCE SAID"...
LISTEN, GIRLS, IT'S GETTING LATE.

UH-OH. THE LETTER.

"SOMEONE ONCE SAID, 'A SON
IS A SON TILL HE HAS A WIFE.

"A DAUGHTER'S A
DAUGHTER ALL OF HER LIFE.'

"I HOPE THIS IS TRUE FOR US BECAUSE
TONIGHT MY IMAGINATION IS RUNNING WILD.

"WHEN YOU ARE SWEET 16, I WANT
YOU TO HAVE A DANCING PARTY,

WITH AN ORCHESTRA."

DO YOU NEED THIS? NO.

WELL, IT'LL BE RIGHT HERE
WHEN YOU DO NEED IT.

"AND WHEN YOU ARE
MARRIED, I WANT YOU TO HAVE...

"THE MOST GORGEOUS
WEDDING IN THE WHOLE WORLD,

"WITH EVEN A BIGGER ORCHESTRA.

"I HOPE BY THEN WE WILL BE
ABLE TO AFFORD THOSE THINGS.

"RIGHT NOW WE CAN'T
EVEN AFFORD YOU.

"HERE I ALREADY
HAVE YOU MARRIED,

"AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN
HAD YOUR FIRST MEAL YET.

"DEAR DAUGHTER, I
LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.

AND EVEN IF"...

AND EVEN IF I HAVE
10 MORE CHILDREN,

YOU WILL STILL BE MY FAVORITE...

BECAUSE YOU WERE MY FIRST.

LOVE AND KISSES, YOUR MOTHER.

[Quiet Sobbing]

[Sniffling] OH, MA.

OH, RHODA, PLEASE. YOU KNOW
HOW I HATE IT WHEN YOU CRY.

HI, EVERYBODY! I'M BACK.

BOY, YOU CAN'T BELIEVE
THE TRAFFIC AT THE AIRPORT.

WILL YOU, MAR? WE'RE TRYING TO
FILM HERE. HOW WAS NEW YORK?

WELL, I DIDN'T REALLY GET TO
SEE TOO MUCH OF NEW YORK.

WHAT ARE THEY DOING? DIDN'T
THEY GET THIS PROMO ON FRIDAY?

WELL, WE HAVE TO DO IT OVER. THAT FIRE WE
WENT TO TURNED OUT TO BE A FALSE ALARM.

BUT IF WE EVER NEED FILM OF TED ASKING
A FIRE CHIEF IF HE CAN RING THE BELL,

WE'VE GOT IT.

YOU READY, TED? READY, L.G.

[Groans] ALL RIGHT. SHOOT!

RIP THE COPY OFF THE
MACHINE, TED. THAT'S RIGHT.

NOW, CROSS OVER TO THE
PHONE. MARY, MURRAY, LOOK BUSY!

GOOD, TED. REALLY GOOD.

OH, DON'T SMILE AT
ME WHEN I SAY "GOOD"!

- GOOD, TED. GOOD, TED.
- RING, RING?

RING, RING.

[Mouthing Words]

OH! OH, THAT'S PERFECT, TED.

THAT'S WONDERFUL.

NOW, JUST HANG UP THE PHONE...

AND GO GET YOUR TRENCH COAT...

AND RUSH OUT THOSE
DOORS TO THAT BIG STORY!

TED, PULL.

PULL.

[Mews]