Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 4, Episode 16 - Mary Tyler Moore - full transcript

Mary has just started dating Ross Nelson, the successful anchor of Channel 8 news, the number one news program in Minneapolis. They met at an awards dinner. Mary is happy about dating Ross until she visits the Channel 8 newsroom, which has ten times the staff, ten times the equipment, and as a result has ten times the sophistication as WJM. That visit shows Mary that WJM is the little station that couldn't. So, for the first time in her life, Mary feels embarrassed by her job when Ross later comes to visit her at WJM. As a result, Lou, in speaking to the station management, receives a modest increase in budget to compete better with their competitors, namely Channel 8. They collectively hope that with or without that increased budget that they can scoop Channel 8 just once in their lives.

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♪ WHO CAN TURN THE
WORLD ON WITH HER SMILE ♪

♪ WHO CAN TAKE A NOTHING DAY ♪

♪ AND SUDDENLY MAKE IT
ALL SEEM WORTHWHILE ♪

♪ WELL, IT'S YOU, GIRL
AND YOU SHOULD KNOW IT ♪

♪ WITH EACH GLANCE AND EVERY
LITTLE MOVEMENT YOU SHOW IT ♪

♪ LOVE IS ALL AROUND
NO NEED TO WASTE IT ♪

♪ YOU CAN HAVE THE TOWN
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE IT ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪

♪ YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE IT AFTER ALL ♪♪

MARY? YEAH?

I FOUND YOU A VEGETABLE. OH,
RHODA, THANK YOU. YOU SAVED MY LIFE.



WELL, IT'S ALL I
HAD IN MY FREEZER.

I'M NOT SURE WHAT IT IS
BECAUSE THE WRAPPER'S

TORN OFF, BUT I
KNOW IT'S A VEGETABLE.

YEAH? HOW DO YOU
KNOW IT'S A VEGETABLE?

WELL, BECAUSE THE ONLY THING LEFT
ON THE BOX IS THIS GIANT GREEN TOE.

CAULIFLOWER. CAULIFLOWER.

I DON'T EVEN LIKE CAULIFLOWER.

WHAT'S CAULIFLOWER
DOING IN MY FREEZER?

OH, I REMEMBER. I WAS
MAKING DINNER FOR A GUY,

AND HE ASKED ME
WHAT HE COULD BRING.

I TOLD HIM, "WE'RE HAVING FISH,

SO YOU SHOULD BRING SOMETHING
THAT'S WHITE AND CHILLED."

[Chuckles]

WHO'S COMING TO
DINNER? ROSS NELSON.



THE ANCHORMAN
FROM CHANNEL 8? YEAH.

WHERE'D YOU MEET HIM?
OH, AT THE AWARDS DINNER.

BOY, NOT ONLY DOES
CHANNEL 8 HAVE THE BEST

RATINGS IN TOWN, THEY
WIN ALL THE AWARDS TOO.

ROSS WON THREE... BEST
COVERAGE, BEST FEATURE STORY...

AND OUTSTANDING
EDITORIAL ACHIEVEMENT.

HOW'D HE DO IN THE SWIMSUIT
COMPETITION? [Chuckles]

IF THEY'D HAD ONE,
HE WOULD HAVE WON IT.

OH, REALLY? MM-HMM.

LISTEN, MAR, HOW DOES
WJM FEEL ABOUT THIS?

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, AFTER ALL, HE IS
DIRECTLY OPPOSITE YOU... YOUR SHOW.

I MEAN, IS IT DANGEROUS
DATING THE ENEMY?

OH, RHODA, THAT'S
SO HIGH SCHOOL.

THAT'S THE TRUTH. LISTEN.

IN HIGH SCHOOL, IF A
SHARKETTE WAS EVER CAUGHT...

EVEN TALKIN' TO A GUY
WHO WASN'T A SHARK,

THEY WOULD DRAG HER INTO THE
GIRLS' ROOM AND BLEACH HER BANGS.

[Laughs] I'M NOT KIDDING YOU.

WE'RE NOT REALLY ENEMIES.

I MEAN, CHANNEL 8 HAS THEIR
AUDIENCE; WE HAVE OUR AUDIENCE.

IT'S JUST THAT THEIRS
IS HUGE AND GROSS;

OURS IS SMALL AND TASTEFUL.

[Doorbell Buzzing] HERE HE IS.

WELL, I GUESS I'D BETTER
BE RACING ON BACK UPSTAIRS.

HI, ROSS. HI, MARY.
I HOPE I'M NOT LATE.

NO, NO. HEY, THANK YOU.

OH, RHODA MORGENSTERN, I'D
LIKE YOU TO MEET ROSS NELSON.

HELLO. NICE TO MEET YOU.

IT'S A GREAT PLEASURE TO MEET
YOU, REALLY. I NEVER MISS YOUR SHOW.

NEVER. I THOUGHT YOU
NEVER MISSED OUR SHOW.

AND LAST NIGHT, I LOVED
THAT EXPOSÉ YOU DID ON THE...

ON THE CORRUPTION IN
COUNCILMAN HOLMBERG'S OFFICE.

OH, LISTEN, THAT
GAVE ME GOOSE BUMPS.

TED DID A GREAT INTERVIEW
WITH THE COTTAGE CHEESE QUEEN.

IT WAS REALLY GOOD MEETING
YA. REALLY, IT WAS A PLEASURE.

SAME HERE, RHODA. MAYBE FROM
NOW ON, YOU SHOULD WATCH WJM.

THEY NEED THE AUDIENCE. [Laughs]

THAT'S THE TRUTH.

SO LONG.

EXCUSE ME. I'M
LOOKING FOR ROSS...

UH... [Mutters]

EXCUSE ME. COULD YOU TELL ME
WHERE I CAN FIND ROSS NELSON?

HE'S OUT ON AN ASSIGNMENT. I WAS
SUPPOSED TO HAVE LUNCH WITH HIM.

HE SHOULD BE BACK
IN A FEW MINUTES.

- I'M BILL BRADFORD.
- HI, I'M MARY RICHARDS.

HERE'S THE BACKGROUND ON
THE CONSTRUCTION COMPANY.

THANK YOU. BOY,
IT'S A LOT OF ACTIVITY.

OH, DON'T JUDGE US
BY THIS. IT'S A SLOW DAY.

WOW. WOULD YOU LOOK
AT ALL THE... MONITORS?

MONITORS. THEY'RE
CALLED MONITORS.

WE USE THEM TO WATCH ALL THE
OTHER NEWS SHOWS. RIGHT, RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, SEE WHO'S
GETTING A JUMP ON A STORY.

YES, I KNOW, I KNOW. I WORK
IN THE NEWSROOM AT WJM.

HEY, THAT'S FUNNY. FUNNY?

YOU'RE NOT KIDDING. HOW COME YOU
DON'T HAVE A WJM MONITOR UP THERE?

I MEAN, WE CERTAINLY GET
OUR SHARE OF STORIES TOO.

WE USED TO MONITOR YOU.

BUT YOU KNOW HOW TED BAXTER IS.

A CROWD WOULD GATHER,
EVERYBODY WOULD START TO LAUGH,

AND THEN NOBODY WOULD
GET ANY WORK DONE.

EXCUSE ME. BILL, ONE OF OUR
STRINGERS JUST PHONED IN WITH A TIP.

A FREIGHTER HIT A SANDBAR
ON THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER...

ABOUT 20 MILES SOUTH
OF HERE, AND IT'S SINKING.

THEY'RE TRYING TO GET THE MEN OFF.
NOBODY ELSE IN TOWN HAS THIS STORY.

- WE GOT A MOBILE UNIT AVAILABLE?
- YEAH. NUMBER FOUR
JUST CAME BACK.

WE'D BETTER SEND A HELICOPTER AND
COVER OURSELVES WITH SOME AERIAL SHOTS.

WE'LL LEAD WITH THIS. LET'S
HOPE NOBODY ELSE GETS IT.

BE BACK IN A MINUTE. I'VE
GOT TO TAKE CARE OF THIS.

SURE.

EXCUSE ME. COULD I
BORROW YOUR PHONE?

JUST A MINUTE. IT'S
JUST A PERSONAL CALL.

YOU KNOW, LOCAL. IT'S FREE.

[Clears Throat]

[Gunshots] [Ringing]

ANSWER THE PHONE,
WILL YOU, MURR?

I'M ON MY LUNCH
BREAK, TED. YOU GET IT.

COME ON, MURR. HOW WOULD IT SOUND
WITH THE STAR ANSWERING TELEPHONES?

THEY'D BE REAL PROUD OF YOU,
TED, FOR MASTERING A NEW SKILL.

- NEWSROOM.
- TED, LISTEN. IT'S MARY.

HI, MARY. IT'S MARY.

TED, LISTEN TO ME, WILL YOU?
BECAUSE I'VE GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING.

WILL YOU SPEAK UP, MARY? WE'VE GOT A
BAD CONNECTION. I CAN BARELY HEAR YOU.

TED, A FREIGHTER IS SINKING IN
THE MISSISSIPPI, ON A SANDBAR.

WHAT? ON A SANDBAR.

- NO. NO, THANK YOU.
- WHAT?

WELL, THIS VERY NICE GENTLEMAN
HERE AT THE CHANNEL 8 NEWSROOM...

JUST ASKED ME IF I WOULD LIKE
TO HAVE SOMETHING TO DRINK.

NO, THANK YOU. NO,
NO. YOU JUST GO AHEAD...

AND TAKE CARE OF
THAT BIG STORY...

ABOUT THE FREIGHTER
SINKING ON THE SANDBAR.

- DID YOU HEAR THAT, TED?
- I GOT THAT. FREIGHTER ON A SANDBAR.

- TED...
- WHILE I'VE GOT YOU ON THE PHONE,

SOMEBODY STOLE THE CANVAS
CHAIR OUT OF MY DRESSING ROOM.

YOU KNOW, THE ONE WITH MY
NAME STENCILED ON THE BACK?

I WONDER IF YOU HAD
ANY CLUES... [Chuckles]

JUST 'CAUSE SHE DIDN'T KNOW THE
ANSWER, SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO GET ANGRY.

[Knocking] COME IN.

MR. GRANT, SOMETHING
HAS GOT TO BE DONE.

IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT TED'S CHAIR,
MARY, I'M CLEAN AND I CAN PROVE IT.

TED'S CHAIR! OH,
THAT'S SO TYPICAL.

DO YOU KNOW THAT WHILE THIS NEWSROOM
WAS WORRYING ABOUT TED'S CHAIR,

THAT A FREIGHTER
VANISHED ON THE MISSISSIPPI?

I DOUBT IF THE SAME GUY WAS
RESPONSIBLE. OH, MR. GRANT!

DON'T YOU EVER ASK YOURSELF WHY
WE ARE ALWAYS LAST IN THE RATINGS?

YES, AND I'VE COME UP WITH WHAT I
THINK IS A VERY GOOD EXPLANATION.

FEWER PEOPLE WATCH US. IT'S
BECAUSE THEY ARE WATCHING CHANNEL 8.

I ALWAYS HEAR ABOUT CHANNEL 8. WHAT'S
SO TERRIFIC ABOUT CHANNEL 8 ANYWAY?

MR. GRANT, BOY, THEY
HAVE GOT AN ORGANIZATION

OVER THERE LIKE
NOTHING I'VE EVER SEEN.

HEY, WE'RE NOT SO
BAD EITHER, YOU KNOW.

OH, BUT THEY'VE GOT... A LOT
OF FANCY EQUIPMENT, SURE.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE
A NEWSROOM, MARY.

YOU TAKE AWAY THEIR HELICOPTERS
AND THEIR MOBILE UNITS...

AND THEIR WALKIE-TALKIES AND THEIR
BIG BUDGET, AND WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?

US.

PEOPLE. ALL THE EQUIPMENT IN THE
WORLD DOESN'T MAKE A NEWS TEAM, MARY.

I KNOW. YOU'VE GOT
TO HAVE THE PEOPLE.

BUT THAT EQUIPMENT IS WHY THEY'RE
ALWAYS BEATING US TO THE STORIES.

OH, THERE'S MORE TO NEWS
THAN JUST GETTING THERE FIRST.

IT'S WHAT YOU DO WITH THE
STORY, HOW YOU HANDLE IT.

I WOULDN'T TRADE MY STAFF
FOR THE CHANNEL 8 NEWSROOM...

IF THEY THREW IN ALL THE
HIGH-PRICED GEAR IN MINNEAPOLIS.

MR. GRANT, YOU'RE RIGHT.
THIS IS A GREAT TEAM.

AND I AM REALLY PROUD
TO BE A PART... [Knocking]

COME IN. HEY, MARY, GUESS
WHO'S OUTSIDE. ROSS NELSON.

OH, MURRAY, WHY
DID YOU LET HIM IN?

COULDN'T YOU HAVE
KEPT HIM WAITING OUTSIDE?

I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.

AND, OF COURSE, MURRAY
HAD TO BE EATING A POPSICLE.

YOU'RE EMBARRASSED, MARY.

YOU'RE ASHAMED OF US. OH,
MR. GRANT, YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU.

MARY, LET ME TELL
YOU A LITTLE STORY.

WHEN I WAS A KID,

MY DAD HAD A TINY
LITTLE GROCERY STORE.

IT WAS A GOOD STORE
AND HONEST WORK,

BUT I WAS ASHAMED OF IT.

SO WHENEVER ONE OF MY FRIENDS
WOULD COME TO VISIT ME AT THE STORE,

I WOULD ALWAYS TELL HIM MY
DAD HAD THREE MORE LIKE IT.

YOU SEE WHAT I'M LEADING UP TO?

THAT I SHOULD STOP BEING CHILDISH AND
GO OUT THERE WITH MY HEAD HELD HIGH.

RIGHT. WHEN YOU SHOW
HIM AROUND THE NEWSROOM,

TELL HIM WE HAVE
THREE MORE LIKE IT.

ROSS, HOW NICE
OF YOU TO DROP BY.

I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE
FOR STANDING YOU UP.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT. WOULD
YOU LIKE TO GO TO LUNCH NOW?

I'LL GO WITH YOU. I THINK I'D
RATHER SEE YOUR NEWSROOM.

WHERE IS IT? [Chuckling]

HAVE YOU MET MURRAY SLAUGHTER?
MURRAY IS OUR WRITER. YEAH.

WE'VE MET. MARY, I'M GOING
DOWN TO THE COFFEE SHOP.

YOU WANT A POPSICLE OR
SOMETHING? NO, THANK YOU, MURRAY.

I'LL SEE YOU, ROSS. RIGHT.

JUST ONE WRITER? NO. NO.

WE DON'T HAVE JUST ONE WRITER.

WE HAVE ANOTHER ONE.

OH, THIS IS OUR PRODUCER.
LOU GRANT, ROSS NELSON.

HOW YOU DOIN'? NICE LITTLE OPERATION
YOU GOT OVER THERE AT CHANNEL... 8, IS IT?

RIGHT. THANKS, LOU. YOU TOO.

OH, THANKS. GO ON, MARY.
SHOW HIM THE REST OF OUR PLANT.

OH, NO, I... I DON'T THINK
ROSS... YES, I DO. I DO, REALLY.

WELL, OKAY. UM,
THAT'S OUR MONITOR.

AND, UH... WELL, THIS IS
OUR... [Chuckles] WASTEBASKET.

YOU KNOW, THE CENTRAL
ONE THAT'S USED BY EVERYONE.

OF COURSE, THERE'S A SERIES
OF CLOCKS UP THERE WITH...

YOU KNOW, AROUND THE WORLD.

AND THE STUDIO IS RIGHT IN HERE.

LOU, WAS THAT ROSS NELSON?

YEAH.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I DON'T
WANNA BE HERE WHEN HE GETS BACK.

WHAT WILL I SAY TO
HIM? HE'S NUMBER ONE.

TED, YOU'RE AS GOOD AS HE IS.

WE'RE AS GOOD AS THEY ARE.

TELL ME THE TRUTH, LOU,
BECAUSE IT'S SO IMPORTANT TO ME.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW
IMPORTANT. TELL ME THE TRUTH.

ARE WE AS GOOD AS THEY ARE?

NO.

I SAID THE TRUTH, LOU. PLEASE.

YES. [Laughs] REALLY?

TED... OKAY, OKAY.

I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT IT. I SUPPOSE
UNDERNEATH THAT TINSEL AND GLITTER,

HE'S PROBABLY JUST
AN ORDINARY GUY.

I KNOW I AM. OF COURSE.

HE'LL BE GLAD TO MEET
YA. WHAT WILL I SAY TO HIM?

I MEAN, I'M NOT GOOD AT
MAKING CONVERSATION.

IT'S HARD FOR ME. OH,
SURE, WITH CHICKS, IT'S EASY.

BUT WITH OTHER GUYS, I
DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

A-ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS JUST
SHAKE HIS HAND AND SAY HELLO.

THEN HE'LL SAY HELLO BACK,
AND IT'LL BE MY TURN AGAIN.

THIS HAS HAPPENED
TO ME BEFORE, LOU.

ALL RIGHT, TED. WHY DON'T
YOU JUST START BY SAYING,

"HOW DO YOU DO, NELSON. IT'S ALWAYS
NICE TO MEET A FELLOW ANCHORMAN."

HELLO, NELSON. HOW
DO YOU DO, NELSON.

HOW DO YOU DO, NELSON.
IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO MEET A...

FELLOW ANCHORMAN.
FELLOW ANCHORMAN.

I SUPPOSE I CAN SAY THAT.
THEN WHAT? YEAH. [Groans]

HELLO, TED. THIS IS ROSS
NELSON. TED BAXTER.

TED BAXTER. HEY,
WHAT A PLEASURE.

HOW DO YOU DO, NELSON. IT'S ALWAYS
NICE TO MEET A FELLOW ANCHORMAN.

[Chuckling] SAME HERE.

WELL... WELL...
WELL... [Chuckling]

SO... SO... SO...
WELL... WELL...

HEY, LOU, A BRIDGE UNDER
CONSTRUCTION JUST COLLAPSED...

HOLD IT. HOLD IT,
MURRAY. HOLD IT.

UH, I'M AFRAID YOU'LL HAVE
TO EXCUSE US, NELSON.

OH, COME ON, LOU. I HARDLY
THINK IN THIS DAY AND AGE...

SORRY, BUT WE ARE
COMPETITORS, AFTER ALL.

OKAY. THANKS FOR THE
TOUR. SEE YOU FOR DINNER.

YOU'RE WELCOME. RIGHT.

WHERE'S THAT BRIDGE?
OVER ON GROVE STREET.

MARY, GET A UNIT OUT THERE RIGHT
AWAY. AND CANCEL THAT FILM... RIGHT.

ON THAT FEATURE STORY WE'RE
RUNNING TONIGHT. WHICH ONE?

THE ONE ABOUT THE GERMAN SHEPHERD
RAISING THE BABY DUCK AS HER OWN PUPPY.

LOU... NOT NOW. THIS
IS A BIGGER EXCLUSIVE.

THIS IS A BIGGER STORY.
YOU SEE, MARY, PEOPLE.

THAT'S WHAT MAKES A
NEWS TEAM... PEOPLE.

WHERE'D YOU FIND OUT
ABOUT THAT BRIDGE ANYWAY?

THE TV WAS ON IN
THE COFFEE SHOP.

CHANNEL 8's COVERING
IT BY HELICOPTER.

I JUST THOUGHT
YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW.

MARY, PUT BACK THE
BABY DUCK. RIGHT.

OKAY, NOW, I'LL TELL YOU
WHY I ASKED YOU HERE.

I WANT US TO TRY TO
FIND WAYS TO IMPROVE...

THE QUALITY OF OUR NEWS.

NOW, FIRST OFF, I TALKED
TO THE STATION MANAGER,

AND HE SAID HE CERTAINLY
UNDERSTANDS OUR...

PROBLEM.

- HI, GUYS.
- WHAT IS IT, TED?

WELL, I WAS A LITTLE
LONELY IN MY DRESSING ROOM,

AND I FIGURED IF YOU GUYS WEREN'T
DOING ANYTHING, THAT MAYBE WE COULD...

TED, WE'RE ALL DOING SOMETHING.

SO WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOIN'?

JUST HAVING A MEETING.
MIND IF I WATCH?

WATCH WHAT? WHATEVER
IT IS YOU'RE DOING.

PLEASE! I DON'T WANNA GO BACK
TO MY EMPTY DRESSING ROOM.

THERE'S NOBODY TO TALK,
NOBODY TO HAVE FUN WITH.

PLEASE, LOU. I'LL BE GOOD.

OKAY, TED, YOU CAN
STAY ON ONE CONDITION:

YOU KEEP YOUR MOUTH
SHUT, UNDERSTOOD?

ALL RIGHT. NOW, WHERE WAS I? YOU
WERE TALKING TO THE STATION MANAGER.

RIGHT. I WAS TALKING
TO THE STATION MANAGER,

AND HE HAS APPROVED AN INCREASE
IN OUR BUDGET OF $250 A MONTH.

NOW, I KNOW THAT'S NOT A LOT,

BUT MAYBE WE CAN FIND SOME
GOOD IDEAS OF HOW TO SPEND IT.

LOU-LOU? LOU?

MURRAY?

WELL, UH... WAIT A MINUTE, LOU.

I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BE
QUIET, BUT I'VE GOT AN IDEA...

HOW TO SPEND THAT MONEY
THAT'LL MAKE THE NEWS A LOT BETTER.

- ALL RIGHT, TED. WHAT IS IT?
- [Clears Throat]

GIVE ME A RAISE OF $250 A MONTH.

THAT'S GONNA MAKE THE
NEWS BETTER? SURE IT IS.

YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR, LOU.

I'M NOT SAYING I'VE
BEEN HOLDING BACK.

I MEAN, I'VE BEEN GIVING
100%, BUT WITH $250 MORE,

YOU COULD HAVE
SOMETHING REALLY SPECIAL.

THE LID WILL BE OFF.

TED, I... I KNOW THAT YOU'RE GONNA
FIND THIS HARD TO UNDERSTAND,

BUT I DON'T WANT YOUR LID OFF.

GO AHEAD, MURRAY.
YOU WERE SAYING?

WELL, I HAVE THIS ONE IDEA.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE
GONNA LIKE IT OR NOT.

AH, NAH, YOU'RE NOT GONNA
LIKE IT. MURRAY, COME ON.

IT MIGHT BE A TERRIFIC
IDEA. GO. SAY IT.

YEAH? WELL, OKAY.
LOOK, I WAS THINKING...

THAT WE COULD TAKE THE MONEY
AND BUY AN ELECTRIC TYPEWRITER.

I MEAN, JUST THINK. IF
YOU MAKE A MISTAKE,

YOU CAN X-OUT BY HOLDING
YOUR FINGER ON THE KEY.

AND YOU CAN CHANGE
THE TYPEFACE...

ANYTIME YOU... [Laughing]

WHY DID YOU MAKE ME TELL
IT? I DIDN'T WANNA TELL IT.

YOU'RE ALWAYS PUSHING ME, MARY.

I KNEW IT WAS A LOUSY IDEA.
I NEVER SHOULD'VE SAID IT.

MR. GRANT, I HAVE AN IDEA.

IT'S SOMETHING THAT I'VE BEEN
THINKING ABOUT FOR A LONG TIME,

AND, WELL, NOW WITH THE
EXTRA MONEY AND ALL...

WHY DON'T WE FIND SOME STUDENTS?

YOU KNOW, LIKE COLLEGE KIDS
WHO ARE INTERESTED IN JOURNALISM,

AND TAKE THEM ON AS
PART-TIME REPORTERS.

- YOU MEAN, LIKE STRINGERS?
- YEAH, RIGHT. STRINGERS.

IT WOULDN'T COST US THAT MUCH MONEY,
AND THEY'D BE GETTING GREAT EXPERIENCE.

[Laughing]

WAIT A MINUTE. LET ME GET
THIS STRAIGHT. [Clears Throat]

YOU WANNA HIRE A BUNCH OF
KNOW-NOTHING TEENAGE REPORTERS?

A BUNCH OF 17, 18-YEAR-OLD KIDS TO
FIND STORIES FOR MY SHOW? [Laughing]

CAN YOU BELIEVE YOUR
EARS, LOU? CAN YOU?

YES, TED. I'M GONNA DO IT.

BECAUSE I WAS A STRINGER
WHEN I WAS 15 YEARS OLD.

AND I WAS A PRETTY
GOOD NEWSPAPERMAN TOO.

OH, SURE. FIFTEEN
YEARS OLD, BUT NOT 17, 18.

OH, BY THE WAY, MARY, I'VE
BEEN WATCHING THE SHOW.

LISTEN, KID, I FELT BAD ABOUT
WHAT HAPPENED LAST WEEK.

AND I HAVE BEEN WATCHING
IT EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

DON'T REALLY WATCH IT
TOMORROW NIGHT, RHODA.

- STICK WITH CHANNEL 8.
- MARY, WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

LISTEN, I'M WATCHING
THE SHOW. I'M ENJOYING IT.

REALLY, THAT'S HOW I FEEL.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

HEY, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

OH, RHODA, I DON'T
KNOW. IT'S JUST...

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I AM
EMBARRASSED ABOUT WHERE I WORK.

I FEEL TERRIBLE.
I MEAN, I HATE IT.

BUT SINCE I'VE BEEN GOING OUT
WITH ROSS, I... I JUST FEEL SO...

INFERIOR? INFERIOR.

GEE, IT'S FUNNY
HOW I GUESSED THAT.

I MEAN, IN MY LIFE, THAT'S
PRETTY BIG NEWS, MAR...

- YOU FEELING INFERIOR.
- YEAH, WELL, IT'S TRUE.

I MEAN, IT'S LIKE FINDING OUT
THAT EUELL GIBBONS EATS PIZZA.

LIKE THE OTHER
DAY, I TOLD ROSS...

THAT WE'D HIRED THOSE COLLEGE
STUDENTS AS PART-TIME REPORTERS.

RIGHT. SO NOW
EVERY TIME I SEE HIM,

HE SAYS, "SO, HOW ARE
THINGS ON SESAME STREET?"

- OH.
- I MEAN, ORDINARILY, RHODA,

SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING
CUTE LIKE THAT, I LAUGH.

BUT NOW ALL I WANNA DO IS JUST
WIPE THAT SMUG SMILE OFF ROSS'S FACE.

OH, KID, YOU'RE REALLY UPSET.

YEAH, BECAUSE I... I FEEL
SORRY FOR ALL OF US...

MURRAY, MR. GRANT, ME, TED EVEN.

YOU KNOW, LAST NIGHT,
ROSS'S CLOSING STORY...

WAS AN INTERVIEW WITH
SECRETARY OF STATE KISSINGER.

TED'S CLOSING STORY WAS AN
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH A MYNAH BIRD...

THAT HAD BEEN TAUGHT TO SAY,
"GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD NEWS." [Squawks]

- HOW'D THEY EVER GET KISSINGER?
- I DON'T KNOW.

IT TOOK US TWO WEEKS
JUST TO GET THE BIRD.

[Ted] IN PHOENIX, ARIZONA
YESTERDAY, A SAVINGS AND LOAN BANK...

WAS HELD UP BY A
3-FOOT-2-INCH DWARF.

POLICE SAY THAT THE
CLOSED-CIRCUIT CAMERAS...

WERE UNABLE TO GET A
PICTURE OF THE HOLDUP MAN...

BECAUSE HIS HEAD DID
NOT REACH THE COUNTER.

[Laughing]

PARDON ME FOR LAUGHING, BUT
THAT'S THE FIRST TIME I HEARD THAT.

NOW ON THE LIGHTER SIDE...

HE MIXED UP HIS PAGES AGAIN.
THAT WAS THE LIGHTER SIDE.

THE FRENCH GOVERNMENT
ANNOUNCED TODAY A NEW SERIES...

OF ATOM BOMB TESTS
IN THE SOUTH PACIFIC.

- THAT'S NOT THAT FUNNY.
- [Clicks Off]

[Ringing]

NEWSROOM. OH, HI, RON.

UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

HEY, YEAH, THAT REALLY
SOUNDS INTERESTING.

HANG ON JUST A SECOND,
WILL YOU? MR. GRANT, IT'S RON.

HE'S AT THE TEACHERS' STRIKE HEADQUARTERS,
AND HE SAYS THE STRIKE IS OVER.

SEE, HIS OLD HIGH SCHOOL ENGLISH
TEACHER IS ON THE NEGOTIATING COMMITTEE,

AND SHE SAID THAT THEY'RE GONNA
VOTE TO ACCEPT THE PACKAGE.

- RON WHO?
- RON McGUIRE,

ONE OF THE KIDS I HIRED
AS A PART-TIME REPORTER.

- HE'S SURE?
- YEAH.

CALL STRIKE HEADQUARTERS AND SEE IF
YOU CAN REACH ANYONE THERE TO CONFIRM.

NO, RON SAYS THAT HE'S
THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS.

PETE, GO IN MY OFFICE AND SEE IF CHANNEL
8 HAS ANYTHING ON THE TEACHERS' STRIKE.

RIGHT. MURRAY, WE'VE ONLY
GOT THREE MINUTES AIRTIME LEFT.

NOBODY'S ANSWERING, LOU.
[Groans] TYPE UP AN INTRO FOR TED.

YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED.
LET ME SPEAK TO THE KID.

HIS NAME IS RON. HELLO, KID.

LOU GRANT. ONE
QUESTION: [Typing]

ARE YOU SURE ABOUT
THIS? HE SAYS HE'S SURE.

MR. GRANT? HUH?

- CHANNEL 8 HAS NOTHING
ON THE STRIKE YET.
- KEEP WATCHING.

- RIGHT.
- RON, LISTEN TO ME.

IT'S VERY IMPORTANT TO
US THAT YOU ARE VERY SURE.

WE'RE STICKIN' OUR
NECKS OUT ON THIS.

RON, ARE YOU REALLY SURE?

HE SAYS HE'S SURE.
OKAY, KID. HOLD ON.

WELL, HERE'S THE INTRO.
YOU GONNA TAKE A CHANCE?

- WHAT DO YOU SAY, MARY?
- I SAY... LET'S DO IT!

SO DO I. LET'S GO WITH IT.

MURRAY, GET THAT
INTRO DOWN TO TED. RIGHT.

MARY, GET THE LIBRARY TO FIND A
SLIDE OF THE TEACHERS PICKETING.

RIGHT. THEN GET THE BOOTH...

TO HOOK IT INTO THE PHONE
LINE FOR AN AUDIO FEED.

RON, LOU GRANT.

ALL RIGHT. NOW, LISTEN
VERY CAREFULLY TO ME.

AS SOON AS YOU GET A
CUE FROM THE ENGINEER,

YOU ARE GOING TO TELL
YOUR STORY OVER THE PHONE...

JUST THE WAY YOU
TOLD IT TO MARY.

HUH? THEY'RE ALL HOOKED UP.

OKAY, RON, WE'RE READY
TO PUT IT ON THE AIR.

WE INTERRUPT OUR SCHEDULED NEWS TO
BRING YOU THIS EXCLUSIVE LATE BULLETIN.

WJM HAS LEARNED EXCLUSIVELY
THAT THE TEACHERS' STRIKE IS OVER.

AND NOW WE'RE BRINGING
YOU, AND EXCLUSIVELY BY AUDIO,

OUR EXCLUSIVE WJM CORRESPONDENT
ON THE SCENE, RON McGUIRE.

COME IN, RON, WITH
THAT EXCLUSIVE BULLETIN.

[Ron] THE TEACHERS' UNION WILL
ANNOUNCE AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT...

[Woman On Phone] YOUR TIME IS
UP. PLEASE SIGNAL WHEN THROUGH.

[Ron] OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. THE
TEACHERS' UNION WILL ANNOUNCE...

AT MIDNIGHT TONIGHT
THEIR DECISION TO ACCEPT...

MANAGEMENT'S PACKAGE AND
RETURN TO WORK TOMORROW MORNING.

THIS IS RONALD BRYANT
McGUIRE, JUNIOR...

FOR WJM-TV AT
STRIKE HEADQUARTERS.

OH, GOSH. [Phone Line Clicks]

AND THAT'S IT FOR TONIGHT. THIS IS TED
BAXTER SAYING GOOD NIGHT AND GOOD NEWS.

[Clicks Off] ANYTHING
ON CHANNEL 8?

THEY SAID FROM ALL
REPORTS THAT THE STRIKE

SHOULD CONTINUE FOR
AT LEAST TWO MORE WEEKS.

YEAH, AND THERE'S
NOTHING ON THE WIRES, LOU.

NOTHING ON CHANNEL 8,
NOTHING ON THE WIRES.

LOU, LOOK. WHAT HAPPENS
IF WE'RE WRONG, LOU?

WE'RE NOT WRONG.

AND IF WE'RE WRONG,
WE'RE WRONG. THAT'S ALL.

RIGHT. SO WE MAKE A
MISTAKE. BIG DEAL. YEAH.

I BET CHANNEL 8 MAKES
LOTS OF MISTAKES.

[Mutters] RIGHT. I MEAN, WHAT'S
THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN?

THOUSANDS OF KIDS WILL SHOW UP
FOR SCHOOL TOMORROW, AND NOBODY...

[Groans]

WHAT ARE WE SO DOWN ABOUT?

RIGHT. WHAT ARE WE
SO DOWN ABOUT? YEAH.

I REMEMBER IN THE EARLY '40s
BACK THERE, WHEN I WAS A KID,

WORKING ON THE CITY DESK
ON THE DETROIT FREE PRESS.

IT WAS SUNDAY,
4:00 IN THE MORNING.

SOMEBODY PHONED IN A STORY,
AND I HAD NO WAY TO CHECK IT OUT.

[Chuckling]

IT WAS EITHER PRINT THE
BIGGEST STORY OF THE CENTURY...

AND BEAT EVERY PAPER
IN THE CITY BY HOURS...

OR KILL IT.

I WAS A GUTSY KID,
SO I DECIDED TO...

[Clicks Tongue] PRINT IT.

YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT
THAT STORY WAS, HUH?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
THAT STORY WAS.

THE JAPANESE HAD JUST
BOMBED... SAN DIEGO.

OKAY, SO I WAS WRONG. IT TAKES
GUTS TO BE WRONG, DOESN'T IT?

RIGHT. YEAH, LOU.

MR. GRANT, LOOK AT THIS.
IT JUST CAME OVER A.P.

"THE TEACHERS' UNION
ANNOUNCED TONIGHT...

THAT THE STRIKE IS OVER."

THE STRIKE IS OVER,
MARY. WE DID IT!

THE STRIKE IS OVER!
WE WERE RIGHT!

EVERYBODY MISSED
IT BUT US! [Laughing]

RIGHT, MURRAY? EVERYBODY
MISSED IT BUT US! THAT'S RIGHT!

HEY, WE... WE DID IT!

HEY! I KNEW WE'D DO IT!

[All Chattering]

[Laughing]

NICE GOING, KID!
WHOO! WOW, THE...

HEY, HEY, WHAT ARE WE SO HAPPY
ABOUT? THE TEACHERS' STRIKE IS OVER!

THAT'S RIGHT, TED. THE
TEACHERS' STRIKE IS OVER!

AND WE BEAT EVERYBODY
TO IT. WE BEAT EVERYBODY!

THE TEACHERS' STRIKE
IS OVER! [Laughing]

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT
ARE WE SO HAPPY ABOUT?

WE'RE NOT TEACHERS.

[Mews]