Mary Tyler Moore (1970–1977): Season 1, Episode 13 - Mary Tyler Moore - full transcript

Allan Stevens, the new young cameraman at the newsroom, isn't as naive as he first appears. After Lou chastises him over the way he shot a field report, Mary, Murray and Ted, feeling sorry for him and feeling like he probably doesn't want to be alone, each individually invite him to hang out after work. But he only seems interested in Mary's invitation for dinner, which she soon finds out he interprets as a sexual come-on. After that incident, Mary doesn't want to have anything to do with him, which is made all the more difficult by an announcement and directive from Lou about Allan's work in the newsroom. Mary has to figure out a way to get Allan to stop his sexual advances toward her without involving Lou in the matter, he who is a little closer to the situation than she would like.

# How will you make it on your own #

# This world is awfully big #

# And, girl
this time you're all alone #

# But it's time you started living #

# It's time you let
someone else do some giving #

# Love is all around #

# No need to waste it #

# You can have the town
Why don't you take it #

# You might just make it #

# After all #

# You might just make it after all ##

No, Mom, I can't get off
any earlier.

Well, Christmas Eve is just like any
other day when you're doing a news show.

Well, uh, let's see,
it's a four-hour drive.

If I leave here at 7:00,
I should be there by 8:00.

Well, I'm gonna drive fast,
'cause I can't wait to see you.

All right, all right,
I won't drive fast.

I won't. I promise.
Mom, don't worry.

I won't be there until
1:00 in the morning, okay?

Okay. Bye, Mom,
and love to all.

I'll see you next week.

Merry Christmas to you too.

- Good morning, Mr. Grant.
- [Groans]

The only thing missing
is an electric train.

You got the Nativity scene
in your drawer?

- That's incredible!
- I haven't had time to set it up,

but I thought it would look very
nicely on the filing cabinet.

- I was kidding.
- Mr. Grant, uh,

I don't suppose there's any
chance I could get off early
Christmas Eve, is there?

You see, I'm gonna drive up
and spend Christmas Day with my family.

Mary, come into my office.
[Clears Throat]

Mary, the thing
I wanted to talk to you...

Well, it's Christmas.
You had to have something in here.

It's not gonna drop needles
all over my desk, is it?

- Mr. Grant.
- Sit down.

You know, Mary, I haven't
had Christmas off in seven years.

- Oh, that's terrible.
- Well, it's not too bad.
You get used to it.

Christmas is just like any other day
when you work in a newsroom.

- You know what I mean?
- Um, no.

Oh. You gotta work
on Christmas.

I've gotta work on Christmas?

Well, that's another way
of putting it.

Mr. Grant, I just...
I never thought...

that I would be working
on Christmas.

I'd better go call my mom.

She's sentimental about Christmas.

[Door Closes]

I have a feeling that
when I go to sleep tonight,

three ghosts
are going to visit me.

Rhoda, aren't you gonna help me
decorate at all?

Uh-uh. I just decorated
an entire department store.

Hey, Mary, why don't you
hang up pantyhose?

- They hold more.
- I never thought of that.

- [Knocking]
- [Phyllis] Mary, hurry up!

- Hi.
- Help me!

Ah. What... Ooh.

You know, the wonderful thing
about living in Minnesota...

We always have
a white Christmas.

The thing that gets me
is the white Easters.

I never saw so much stuff.

I can't help myself.
I'm just a Christmas nut.

Not just Christmas.

I'm sure you feel the same way about...
[Guttural] Chanukah, Rhoda.

Oh, sure, sure.

[Overly Guttural] Chanukah,
Christmas, they're all the same.

Mary, do you mind
if I leave Bess's gifts here?
I don't want her to find them.

- She's been hunting around
the apartment since Halloween.
- Oh, sure.

- Wait till you see this stuff.
It's fantastic.
- Did you get anything for me?

Not exactly what I wanted.

It's a one-quarter scale transparent
figure with all the intestines.

It's very educational, also.

Hey, Mary, don't you wish they had
this kind of stuff when we were kids?

Mm. Oh, Rhoda, look.

Oh, now, she is adorable.

- Oh!
- This doll is some dresser!

I've been looking for a pair
of shoes like this all winter.

She's cute.
Isn't she darling?

- Is she a talking doll?
- No.

Oh, too bad. I was hoping she could
tell me where she got those shoes.

- [Laughs]
- What are you getting for Lars?

Hey, he's a doctor. Why don't you give
him this thing with the intestines?


That is for him.

- Oh. Here.
- Do you, uh, have any idea
what he's giving you?

He told me I could pick
my own gift this year.

I picked cash.

I'll be back up tomorrow
to wrap these. Merry Christmas!

- Yeah, you too.
- Bye.

Oh, wow, this is gonna be
some weird Christmas.

- What do you mean, Mar?
- Well, my apartment's all decorated,

I got presents under the tree,
and I'm not gonna be here to enjoy it.

- I'll be working.
- That's it, cheer yourself up.

But let me tell you something.
When I was a little girl,

we used to drive up to my
grandparents' every Christmas.

And on the way,
we'd pass this diner,

and there'd be these little old men
having their Christmas dinner alone.

And it's just that this year, I'm gonna
be one of those little old men.

You know, I came down here
because I was a little depressed,

but said to myself,
"Mary will cheer me up."

Hey, I got an idea.
I don't have to work Christmas Eve.

- Why don't you and I
celebrate it together?
- I don't know, Mar.

I get the feeling that Christmas Eve
with you could be pretty grim.

No, come on!
I'll be good. I promise.

We'll light the tree, build a fire,
have some eggnog and open our presents.
What do you say?

- You're on.
- Good.

- Does this mean we're
gonna exchange gifts?
- It wouldn't be a bad idea.

- Uh, did you get mine yet?
- Yeah.

- What is it?
- Rhoda, you're not supposed
to ask that.

How about a hint?
Mary, I'm very competitive.

- I want to get you something better.
- Get out of here.

That's not exactly
the Christmas spirit, fella.

That's not what I'd call
the Christmas spirit.

- No, sir, that is not
the Christmas spirit.
- Well, what's wrong, Ted?

They're just rubbing it in
down the hall because they're
having a Christmas party.

- Who's having a party?
- Everybody except us.

In particular, that
darned Chuckles the Clown.

Hey, Clown, you're not funny!

I don't know why we can't
have a Christmas party.

Oh, yes, you do.
It's because of what you did last year.

- What did you do, Ted?
- I don't remember.

I go to a lot of parties.
I don't know everything.

- What did he do?
- Oh, you know how it is.

You get a few drinks in you,
and you feel like telling off the boss.

- Except he did it on the air.
- You're kidding.

- You mean, he actually
told you off on the air?
- No, he didn't tell me off.

- Well, who then?
- The president.

- Of the United States?
- Of America.

- But why?
- Well, he sent the president
a Christmas card...

and got mad because
he didn't get one back.


- Hi, Fred.
- Hiya, Fred. How you doing?

Why don't you ask me New Year's Eve?
I have to work then too.



Murray, we said we weren't
going to exchange presents.

Oh, I know, but, well, I felt so bad
about you not being able to get home.

- I hope you like it.
- Oh, but, Murray,

the point is, we did discuss it,
and we decided no presents.

Oh, well, I just...
I don't know what to say...

except... here's yours.

- Oh, gee, Mary, you shouldn't have.
- I know.

Listen, Murray,
don't feel badly about me.

Rhoda and I are gonna have dinner
together tonight, open some presents...

Rhoda and I are gonna have dinner
together tonight, open some presents...

The silver Santa's here.

Right now, I have personalized gifties
for each one of my little elves.

- Lou.
- Gee, I wonder what it is.

It's either a record album
or a very stiff handkerchief.

Fred. Mary.

- Thanks for the tie, Mar.
- Oh, you're welcome, Ted.
I hope it fits.

- [Laughs] Harlan.
- Why don't we just file by
and help ourselves?

There's a way of doing
these things, Murr. Avery.

He's the only man I know that
can make Christmas seem like mail call.

- Murray.
- Yo. Thanks a lot, Ted.

- Oh, this is terrific!
- I'm glad you like it, Lou.

Yes. "The Year in Review,
as Told by Ted Baxter. "

I had the engineers make it up.
It's a compilation of my best stuff.

I'm surprised
you needed an LP.

- Mary.
- Oh, thank you.

I heard about you not being able
to go home for Christmas
after planning to and all.

Yeah, it was
a little disappointing,

but everybody here has the same
problem, you know, or one like it.

Look at you. It's Christmas Eve,
and you have to work tonight.

Well, I just want you
to know that tomorrow,

when you're working and I'm at home,
I'll be thinking about you.

Oh, thank you, Fred.
That's very nice.

And I guess tonight,
when I'm working and you're at home,
you'll be thinking about me.

Well, I will now.

You know,
I just thought of something.

When somebody's got
a big family like I have,

it seems a shame
not to share it.

- So I was wondering...
- Yes?

- Would you work for me tonight?
- Would l...

Look, Mary, I wouldn't ask you
if you were going home to your family.

But what's Christmas Eve to you?
You're gonna be all alone.

I'll trade you.
I'll work New Year's Day for you.

That way, you'll be able to watch
all the football games.

Fred, I have... l...

Look, Mary, please.

I've never spent
Christmas Eve with my kids.

Oh, Fred, that
last part wasn't fair.

I know, but I'm desperate.

Mary, will you work
for me tonight?

- All right, yes.
- Ah, thanks.

Will you at least cover for me
while I go home and have some dinner?

Oh, sure, sure.
And, uh, Mary,

I just want you to know
I feel terrible about this.


- [Knocking]
- Who is it?

Ho, ho, ho!

- Come on in, Rhoda.
- Hi.

I'm not coming in yet because
I have this big package out here,

so big that I had to open
the door first.

Now I am bringing this big
package into your apartment,

and I am placing it
under your tree.

No, I'm not. I can't stand it.
You gotta open it now, Mary.

- Rhoda!
- Come on.

- It's for me?
- Yeah, for you. Merry Christmas.

- Thanks. Should I open it now?
- Yeah. Go on.

- It looks like
somebody already opened it.
- I did.

I opened it a few times
to take a look at this fantastic gift.

Oh, Rhoda!

- Oh, it's just...
- Isn't it great?

- It's... Oh, well...
- Listen, let me break you in on it.

You'll be able to get your license
and then solo in no time.

- Miss Richards,
this is your griddle area,
- Yes.

if you wish to fry an egg.

- Yes.
- Then, of course,
here is your rotisserie,

- if you wish to barbecue an egg.
- Uh-huh.

Then we have the oven
for your basic baked eggs.

- Yes. What's this?
- That's your egg.

- I knew it.
- Well, Mary, what do you think?

Rhoda, I think it is just wonderful,
and I think you spent too much money.

Don't worry. I got an employee's
discount down at the store.

- Oh, thank goodness.
- Yeah.

Well, I have yours,
and it's not half as nice.

- Forty percent as nice?
- Well...

- It's not too big, is it?
I'm kidding.
- [Laughs]

Oh, this is fun.

Oh, Mary, it's gorgeous!
And you paid full price, right?

- I did.
- Oh!

Hey, you know what this'll
go great with? My new suit.

Well, you think this is an accident?
Why do you think I picked it out?

Oh, kid, thanks. I love it.

Hey, me too. Thanks.
Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you.
Hey, you know what else my new
blouse will go great with?

- What? Huh?
- Your rotisserie.

I can wear it while you cook
a turkey in there.

I bought one for us for tonight.
I'll go get it.

Rhoda, wait. Listen, how fast do you
think that thing can cook a turkey?

- Why?
- Because I have to leave
for the office in ten minutes.

- For what?
- To work.

- What?
- I traded with a man
so that he could be with his...

- I don't even want to go into it.
- Terrific. Wonderful.

You get me hyped up for Christmas Eve,
and then you run out like this.

What am I supposed to do? Stand out
in the snow and light matches?

Rhoda, will you please...
This has been a rough week,

and the worst part
is just about to begin.

- Okay, kid, listen.
I'll see you later tonight.
- I have to work till midnight.

Oh. Well, then
I'll see you tomorrow.

I can't. I'm working tomorrow.
It's Christmas.

Well, uh,
have a merry Christmas.

You too.

[Ted On TV]
And now this final Yuletide item.

We have just received word from a U.S.
radar base in northernmost Alaska...

that an unusual
flying object's been sighted:

a sleigh
with eight tiny reindeer.

Piloting the vehicle,
a man who was overheard to say...

"Ho, ho, ho."

Anyone knowing the identity of this man,
please contact the nearest child.

This is Ted Baxter saying
merry Christmas to you and yours...

from me and mine.

- Murray, did you write that last part?
- No.

As a matter of fact, that's the only
news story Ted ever wrote in his life.

He does it every year. He even
had thousands of copies printed up...

for people who write in
requesting it.

He still has thousands of copies.

Well, I better get going.

- Merry Christmas.
- You too.

Oh, Mary! How could you let Fred
talk you into working Christmas Eve?

I mean, it's bad enough you can't
go home. But working tonight!

It's all right. Look, Fred
has a family to spend the evening with.

Oh, his family isn't so great.
They bought an aluminum tree this year.

- Oh, Murray.
- Well, Mary, I guess
I'll see you tomorrow.


[Mr. Grant]

There's not much for you to check
tonight. Everything's pretty quiet.

Yeah, I know.
Typical Christmas Eve.

Uh... there's an envelope
for you on the desk there.

- Who's it from?
- Me.

"The crystal bells of Christmas
bring love and cheer tonight
to wish for you..."


Oh, Mr. Grant, I really...

Well, I don't know what to buy a girl.
Get yourself something.

Mr. Grant,
I can't accept this.

- Sure, you can.
- But a blank check!

What? Huh?
Give me that.

That's a mistake.

Why don't I, uh, just
wait outside while you...

No, no. All I have to do
is fill in an amount here.

Can I have the card
back, please?

- You want the envelope too?
- If you don't mind.

And da-da.

- Merry Christmas.
- Thank you, Mr. Grant.

Uh, Mary, it's
none of my business...

why you're working for Fred
on Christmas Eve, but...

Yes, it is, Mr. Grant.
You're head of the newsroom.

No, I don't want it
to be my business.

Because if it is,
then I have to feel responsible
for you being here all alone.

Oh, Mr. Grant, thank you,
but I'm not gonna be alone.

- The cleaning crew
will be coming around.
- No, they won't.

- They don't work on Christmas Eve.
- There's the night watchman.

Uh-uh. There's only one man
on duty tonight, and he has to
stay downstairs in the lobby.

Well, it's comforting to know
that there'll be somebody
only 12 floors away.

Look, I got some paperwork I can do.
I'll stay. You go on home.

No, Mr. Grant.
It would make it a lot easier on me...

if everyone would just stop
feeling sorry for me...

and go home and have
a merry Christmas.

- Okay, okay. I'll see you tomorrow.
- Okay.

- Take care of yourself.
- Well, you too.

- Good night.
- Good night.


## [Whistling
"Good King Wenceslas"]

## [TVOrchestra: "White Christmas"]

## [TVOrchestra: "White Christmas"]

## ["The Nutcracker"]

[Man On Intercom]
Hello there!



Hey, Fred, you there?
I got a great joke for you.

Hey, Fred, now, don't mess around.
This is really a great story I got.

- Hello?
- Fred?

No. I'm filling in for him
tonight. Who is this?

- Charlie.
- Oh, hi, Charlie.

Charlie, I don't know
what this is connected to.

- Where are you?
- Out at the transmitter.

- I'm Charlie. You've heard of me.
- Oh.

Yes, Charlie,
out at the transmitter.


Well, well.
How is the transmitter?

Sort of quiet tonight.

Yeah, I know what you mean.
I'm all alone here too.

- Well, so long.
- Well, wait!

Charlie, can't we talk
or something?

What about?

Well, you said
you had a good joke.

Oh, yeah.

There were these two guys, and they're
walking down this big alley, and...

- What's your name again?
- Uh, Mary.

I can't tell it to you.

Well, c-can't we talk
about something else?

I don't know what to say to you.
I've never spoken to you before.

do you have any family?

Nothing but.
Four kids, nine grandkids.

Gee, I bet you wish you could
be with them tonight, huh?

I will be
in about 15 minutes.

The whole family's meeting
over at my son Paul's place.

Every year, we have a real
old-fashioned Christmas.

He'll get the kids up, and they'll
open up some of their presents.

Do you have any family?

Well, uh, not tonight
I don't. No.

It was really nice
talking to you, Charlie.

Same here,
and merry Christmas.

You too. Over and out.

[Phone Ringing]

[Phone Ringing]

Merry Christmas. Newsroom.

- [Click, Dial Tone]
- Hello?



[Elevator Ascending]

Hello, Rhoda. Listen, there's not
supposed to be anyone in the building,

and I just heard the elevator.

Rhoda, I can't call the police.

What am I gonna tell them?
That I heard an elevator?

I can't call the police until
the murderer gets off the elevator.

- [Elevator Opening]
- There he is. He's off the elevator.

And he's brought his gang.

Rhoda, listen,
you were my best friend,

and I really liked
your Christmas present.


- I hope we didn't scare you.
- Oh!

We were gonna call you,
but Ted wanted it to be a surprise.
Were you surprised?

- Was I surprised? [Gasping]
- [Phone Ringing]

- Oh!
- Hello. Newsroom. Season's greetings.

- Mr. Grant...
- What do you mean,
is this the murderer?

- Ted, that's for me.
- You're the murderer?

Rhoda, yes, everything's fine.

Yes, of course I'm sure.

No, nobody's
forcing me to say that.

No, it's just Mr. Grant
and Ted and Murray.

- I don't know why they're here.
- We're having a Christmas party.

They're having a Christmas party.

No, no, no. We're having
a Christmas party.

- All of us.
- We are! Yes.

Hey, why don't you come down? All
right, we'll see you in a little while.

Merry Christmas to you too.
Bye. Oh, Mr. Grant.

- Oh, Murray, thank you very much.
- Mary.

Oh, Ted, thank you, thank you.
Oh, Ted, I'm sorry.

Oh, it's just so good
to see you.

- Come on, Mary.
The party's at my place.
- Okay, I'll get my coat.

- Hey, wait a minute.
You're not off till midnight.
- Oh, come on, Lou.

- It's Christmas Eve.
What's the difference?
- The difference is that...

the general manager has a habit
of calling at two minutes to midnight...

to wish the night man
a merry Christmas.

- If the night man isn't here...
- You mean we have to kill
a half hour here?

Well, let's make good use of it.
I got some paperwork I can take care of.

Well, I guess I can write some fillers
for tomorrow night's show.

I think I'll go listen
to my album.

- Hey, Mary,
can you type this up again?
- Oh, sure, Mr. Grant.

## [Humming: "Deck the Halls"]

# Fa-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la #

# 'Tis the season to be jolly #

[Mr. Grant. Joins In]
#Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la #

# Don we now our gay apparel #