Kung Fu (1972–1975): Season 2, Episode 11 - The Elixir - full transcript

Come up, gentlemen. Come up.
Theodora has arrived.

Ladies too. Come up
and meet the woman...

...who will bring health,
beauty and joy to all.

Everyone come up.
Theodora has arrived.

- Hey, are you Theodora?
- No. I am Niebo.

Theodora is a goddess
who will soon appear before you.

Where you hiding her, little fella?
Under here, huh?

No, big fellow.
Under here, I hide only myself...

...no better than the dove
that you hide in your jacket...

...or the egg that you hide in your ear.

Now, ladies and gentlemen...



...you will meet a goddess
who will hide nothing from you.

No, not even a priceless secret
of health, happiness, and beauty.

Theodora!

The first secret Theodora will share
with you is the dance of truth...

...taught to Theodora in the palace
of the sultan of Arabia.

Theodora, ladies and gentlemen...

...sharing with you
the secret dance of truth.

But that ain't the whole truth.
She's got more veils.

Theodora regrets it is as much
of the truth as the law will allow.

However, there is another truth...

...which the law
cannot prevent Theodora...

...from sharing fully with you all.

Theodora's Elixir!

Discovered on her travels
through a faraway land...



...where it was called
"the medicine of the gods. "

It transformed a frail and sickly girl...

...into the goddess of beauty
you've seen dance.

What's it supposed to do for all of us,
teach us to dance?

Well, when given with affection,
it has lifted the spirits of women...

...and men who have used it often have
fathered children past the age of 90.

Now, although she has seen
miraculous cures of countless diseases...

...Theodora promises nothing,
only that you will never again...

...have the opportunity
to buy this fabulous elixir...

...ridiculously priced
at only $2 a bottle.

When's she gonna finish the dance?

It is finished.

However, for $2, you can be comforted
with a bottle of Theodora's Elixir.

Well, a quart of whiskey costs a dollar.

Sure, I'll pay $2 for this magic elixir...

...if it's magic enough
to straighten you up, little man!

Hold him, boys!

Stop it!

You gonna finish the dance?

- The dance is over.
- You got all them veils left.

The dance is over!

Then I guess I'm just gonna
have to keep on pouring.

He has done you no harm.

Let him go.

I do not wish to fight you.

- You started it, Chinaman.
- They're gonna kill that Chinaman.

Watch out!

Niebo!

Quinn.

What's going on?

We was just having
a little fun, sheriff.

This Chinaman here
started causing trouble.

Knives and guns ain't fun.

It's her fault, sheriff.
She started taking her clothes off.

Ma'am, that comes under the heading
of creating a public nuisance.

My companion and I were trying
to please these people.

- And who's your companion?
- Niebo.

And this gentleman came to our aid.

And what are you doing in town,
stranger?

I am passing through.

Well, I'm just gonna have
to ask you all to leave.

This is a free country.

And I'm a free woman.

Ma'am, I have enough problems
with law and order here...

...without adding a loose lady
and medicine man...

...and a half-breed to my problems...

...so, as sheriff, I'm gonna have
to ask you to move on.

What if we refuse?

Well, I don't think you'd take kindly
to our jail.

Would you like a ride?

Thank you.

I am from Corfu.

Corfu?

What a beautiful name.

It's a beautiful island
in a very old part of the world.

Why did you leave?

To have what I must have:
my freedom.

Do you marvel at the carver's skill?

Yes, master.

And at his meaning.

Each is free to move,
yet each is held captive.

Are we not also?

The temple does not hold us.

We have only to open the door.

Are we then free to go anywhere
we choose, even up into the heavens?

No, master.

We, too, are captive, just as these.

Then why do I speak to you
of freedom?

It puzzles me, master.

Is your mind not free
to seek its own course...

...to soar even to the heavens...

...though you turn and spin
within a prison?

But...

...I wish to be...

...truly free.

Bind yourself to nothing.
Seek harmony with all.

Then you will be truly free.

Were you free in China?

What is free?

Doing exactly as I wish,
seeking joy and pleasure.

Knowing that I'm not a slave
to any man.

Is that possible in China?

No.

Not in Europe either.

Not for a woman.

Do you think it's wrong
for a woman to want freedom?

No.

You and Niebo are the only two men
that have ever agreed with me on that.

Isn't that so, Niebo?

Yes.

Niebo, you haven't thanked
this gentleman for helping you.

Thank you for helping me.

Niebo sometimes resents
being helped.

I don't.

Get the money, Wade.

- Frank, you have to do this?
- You can't travel without money.

- How long are we gonna look?
- Till I find Theodora.

Been almost a month.
Now taking chances like this?

We've been wasting too much time
detouring around hick towns.

- You're the only brother I got.
- She's not gonna walk out on me, Wade!

I'm gonna find that woman.
Come on.

We'll camp here.

Where are you going?

- To help Niebo.
- Niebo takes great pride in his cooking.

He would only be offended
if you tried to help him.

Will it disturb his cooking
if I help him with the fire?

Do as you like.

- She send you to help me?
- No.

Then go back to the wagon.
I don't need your help.

It pleases me to give it.

When will you be leaving us?

At the crossroad.

I will fetch the wood.

I'll get your chair from the wagon.

You are as beautiful as a goddess.

I hope you're not offended by Niebo.

He likes to do things
in a certain way...

...and I feel I owe it to him
to dress accordingly.

After you've been with us for a while,
you'll understand.

I will leave soon.

You find my company unpleasant?

No. I welcome your company...

...but I must follow my own path.

I'm sorry.

Why should you care?

Someone wants to kill me.

I need your protection.

I'm afraid.

Help me.

I thought I heard you crying.

When I came here,
he had his hands...

I thought he was hurting you.

Go. Leave us.

Forgive me.

I wish only that
which pleases Theodora.

Who is this man
who you are afraid of?

Now will you help me?

Why does he want to hurt you?

He can't stand to let me be free.

Theodora!

Are you all right?

- My mandolin!
- Theodora.

- You're not hurt?
- No.

How did it happen?

I'll fix it.

We'll never get out of here!

I'll fix it. Don't worry.

I will help you?

That will not be necessary.

Niebo, you're acting foolish.

You'll need Caine's help.

In all the years you've known me...

...have you ever seen me
need anyone's help?

Young man.

Young man.

I have these to sell.

I made them myself.

We have our own...

...and they are better.

Can we offer you food?

You look hungry.

I have eaten well today.

I do every day.

I have no need of your food.

Master.

That man suffers for want of food.

Did he not say he had eaten well?

He does not speak truly.

He is weak from hunger.

Perhaps his desire for dignity
is greater than his need of food?

He is poor. He should admit it.

He is too proud.

Perhaps pride is the only crown
he has left to wear.

Would you not truly help him
by offering first respect and then food?

It cannot be done.

Perhaps there is some other way.

Then you do it!

Is there something to dig with?

In the wagon.
Niebo, get him the shovel.

It's his way, let him get the shovel.

I cannot do it alone.

It will need two men...

...in harmony, working together.

Well, then,
we cannot do it your way...

...for there is only one man here.

Isn't that right, Theodora?

The shovel is in the wagon.

Niebo.

I've never seen you act like this.
What's wrong?

Isn't it clear?

You've never been jealous before.

Don't you know you'll
always be my first love?

- Who will be your last?
- No one, I hope.

Then send this one away.

Why is he different from the others?

He treats you differently.

You act differently.

Even if that's so...

...what does that have to do
with what I feel for you?

Make Theodora happy.

Show Mr. Caine
how useful Niebo can be.

Please, Niebo.

I tried to conjure up a man for you...

...but all I could manage
was Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Dove.

But since Mr. Rabbit
and Mr. Dove refuse to work...

...you'll have to make do with Niebo.

Not so bad, your way.

Our way.

Any task goes lighter without anger.

You're stronger than most...

...and far more kind
than any of the others.

She wants only her own freedom...

...and I want only to be her slave.

Why?

How can you look at her
and not want to?

You are too much a man
to be a slave.

I don't need your compliments.

Save them for Theodora.

I say what I feel.

Why can we not be friends?

Pretending with me
won't do you any good.

You'll not get your way
with Theodora.

She'll get hers with you...

...or with any man.

I do not pretend.

You stand straight and tall.

What can you offer to half a man?

To be your friend.

I pity you.

This little burden
is a blessing in disguise.

It keeps me from deceiving myself...

...and from being deceived.

About what?

About Theodora.

Theodora is deceiving me?

For her pleasure.

Life for Theodora
is a game of pleasure.

I do not believe that is true.

Do you really believe
she needs your protection?

She showed you the wanted posters.

She shows it to them all.

Look at her! Does she look like the kind
of woman that has to run from a man?

She fears.

Niebo!

The water's very clear.
We can make a fresh supply of elixir.

Hurry. Gather the leaves.

Is it wise to take the time,
with people following you?

I'm not afraid, as long as you're here.

And we need more elixir.
The sick won't buy empty bottles.

And what magic cure
shall we offer them today?

The leaves of the oak tree
or the pine?

You're the magician, Niebo.
You choose.

My magic is one of illusion,
not deception.

What's wrong with you?

Did you get too much sun
helping Caine fix the wagon?

You look sad. Come.

The stream will make you happy.
It's lovely there.

You can help carry the bottles.

Frank, I'm tired.
How long are we gonna keep going?

Wade, I can't rest. Not now.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

- Yes.
- Does it please you?

Then why aren't you
as happy as I am?

You will fill these
with water and leaves...

...and sell it as medicine?

I can't be free without money.

Can you be free without the truth?

I'm sorry. I can't be responsible
for people foolish enough...

...to believe everything they're told.

I, too, am sorry.

A woman who wants to be free has
to use whatever she can in this world.

You're a man.
You have no right to judge.

I do not seek to judge.

Only to understand you.

I don't want you to understand me.

Just love me.

Who is the man
who is trying to kill you?

Fill these yourself.

Grasshopper, do you find mystery
in the fire?

My thoughts are of a girl
I saw in the marketplace.

She was very pretty.

She sought my friendship...

...and then, when she had it,
she did not want it.

Master...

...why can the female not be direct
and open, as the man can?

Is it not better
that the female act as a female?

She seeks only to confuse.

The truth is not within her.

Perhaps you only fail to perceive it.

I do not know
that I wish to perceive it.

What is it that makes the heat,
the coal or the flame?

The coal.

The heat is within the coal.

What if the coal is not touched
by the flame?

The heat is not felt.

Are not male and female
coal and flame?

If the coal does not seek to know
the flame, can either fulfill its destiny?

Caine? Hurry!

Caine?

He's gone.

He's gone.

"Play on, my child.

Niebo will do
what has to be done for you. "

What does it mean?

He's gone off to kill Frank Grogan.

He loves you.

Forgive me for doubting you.

I'm going after him.

Why do they put your name on that
poster? You haven't done anything.

You better go on back.

- Not unless you do.
- I'm gonna find her.

All right.

But I'm gonna have
a little talk with that sheriff.

- Find out why he put your name there.
- I don't think you should do that.

You never thought I should have done
anything I've done, right?

I've been going along with it.

Come on.

I'll never forgive Niebo for this.

He knows how much
that wagon means to me.

Is he not trying to save your life?

Everything I own is on that wagon.
It's my freedom.

Do you think I'd run all over
the country to save a silly man...

...who doesn't even know he's a man?

Sheriff...

...you got a mistake on your poster.
I wanna talk about it.

Mistake?

It's my brother, Wade.

He hasn't done anything.

It should be just my picture,
right there in the middle.

Well, I...

I didn't make the poster.

Where did you get this?

Well, a lady was coming
through town selling it.

- It was just yesterday.
- What happened to her?

Well, she was creating a public nuisance
and I ran her out of town.

Did you put your hands on her?

Well, I just asked her to leave,
she and her two friends.

The hunchback and the Chinaman.
I felt sort of funny-

Point the way that she left.

Keep it there.

Sorry, sheriff.

Frank, you're gonna get us
both killed over a woman.

- My woman.
- She won't be if you get killed.

Frank, come back home with me.

I can't.

Not even for you, Wade.

Then you're gonna have to go alone.

My arm!

Mr. Grogan. I've come
to take you to Theodora.

You stay here.

You would leave me here alone?

I must help Niebo.

You would help Niebo for me
after what he's done to you?

You think I would not help him
for himself.

That is why you talk
of saving the wagon.

No.

You must think me heartless...

...that I care more
for the wagon than Niebo.

But I'm admitting it
and it's painful to me.

That's a test of truth, isn't it?

Perhaps.

But would it not be more painful
to admit you truly care for him?

Niebo is my servant.
That's all the truth there is.

What would you say if I told you...

...that I cared for you more than Niebo
or my wagon or anyone?

It would not be the truth.

I'll prove it.

What truth have you for me?

I do not care for you
above all others.

That's very good.

You're like me.

We don't need anyone,
we don't love anyone but ourselves.

We're totally, completely free.

Can anyone be truly free
who serves only himself?

I am.

Wait.

How long is that gonna take?

For Niebo to cook
takes as long as it takes.

Or have you forgotten how I cooked
for you and Theodora in happier times?

No, I haven't forgotten.

I can see I've failed to open
your eyes, Mr. Grogan.

You're still impatient
to be with Theodora.

That's right, little man.

I feel sorry for you.

I know what it's like
to be a slave.

I can't change your mind, can I?

No.

You can't.

Very well.

You never had any intention
of taking me to her, did you?

Where is she, Niebo?

I won't tell you.

Frank.

Frank.

I been through a lot for you.

Close enough, Chinaman!

He doesn't mean anything to me.

Do I?

No.

I don't believe you.

Niebo.

- Go away, Theodora.
- I wanna help you.

Then leave me alone.

Do you mean that?

Even half a man
can't be a slave all his life.

He needs help.

I will stay with him.

Niebo, I don't want
to be without you.

Don't make a bigger fool
of me than I am.

I don't want to be all alone.

Is this not the freedom you seek?

You never wanted anything from me.

And you never allowed me
to do anything for you...

...or anyone.

You made me
into a helpless goddess...

...that can't even boil an egg.

Now you won't even let me
take care of you.

He wants to be like you.

Niebo...

...it's no good alone.

Help me.

You are free to give.

You to take.

Let me take care of you.

You'll want to be careful, Theodora.
I may get used to being waited on.

Do you think there's
any danger in that?

Can you not both serve...

...and be served?

We'll see.

And you, Niebo?

We'll see.