Kongen befaler (2019–…): Season 4, Episode 8 - Skjønte de andre dette her - full transcript
Did the others understand this?
Yes!
A warm welcome to Kongen Befaler,
where five participants fight
to realise a lifelong dream.
Which is to win a bust in gold... of me!
And with me I have someone who
will never win a golden bust,
but who is worth his own weight
in gold, namely Olli Wermskog!
Yes, thank you. That's good enough for me.
-It should be.
Our five fantastic participants are:
Steinar Sagen!
Ida Fladen!
Amir Asgharnejad!
Einar Tørnquist!
And Solveig Kloppen!
Yes, Solveig. You have said that you
get a little paranoid about being here.
You are skeptical of everyone around you,
plus the rules and the programme.
There are not many tasks where
you do not go an extra round to see:
"Now no one is going to fool me."
-Then I'm fooled anyway.
You're fooling yourself.
That's the beauty of it.
Amir, in addition to being a
comedian, you are an artist.
It's a well-known fact that artists
often produce their best things
when they struggle.
So in that sense, this programme must be a gift
to the expression that comes after you finish this.
If I'm on one end of the scale, I'm happy.
If I get in the middle, I'm not happy.
Ida, how is your form today?
-It's brilliant.
Shall I tell you something a little fun?
When I woke up today, I thought,
"I think this will be Ida's day."
Today I actually thought so.
So there you have it.
Oh God, now I'm getting very...
-But my dreams never become reality.
Not at all. We have to get
started with the first task.
We start with the prize task, where
the participants have brought a thing,
and where Atle Antonsen judges
who has solved the task best.
The task today is:
"Bring something you have spent too much time on."
Bring something you have spent too much time on.
It can be so much, of course.
Einar, I want to start with you.
Hope it's ok.
-I brought my cell phone, obviously.
You think I spent too much time making this cover.
But no, it actually went pretty fast.
Although it looks very nice.
I'm going to open it.
Message from my brother, nice.
Because there's a game here called Candy Crush.
I don't know how much time
it's normal to spend on it,
but I'm on board 5,042 now.
So I have solved the 5,041 previous ones.
Yes. And it takes some time, right?
-It's swings and roundabouts.
Some can take many days,
while others go in a few minutes.
You have spent about 1,200 hours on this.
That's roughly 70% of a full time job
at, let's say, Candy Crush.
That's insane.
Yeah, and I haven't even had it that long.
-No.
You have two children.
-Oh that's right, I do!
You have a problem.
-Good lord.
I have two children.
-You have at least solved the task with bravura.
Steinar.
-Yes. I have brought with me...
It shouldn't have been like this, but that's okay.
This is how it should've been.
These are socks that I have picked up from home.
They are sorted and put together in pairs,
but I have spent...
We are six people at most.
I have spent so much time
matching and finding socks.
It's a nightmare.
I have thought to myself:
If I'm ever going to end my own life,
then it's during this process.
I think it's absolutely awful.
-During the matching process. In the act.
['matching' is the same word as 'mating' in Norwegian]
First the investigation to find, and then matching.
It's so boring.
First you need to find out:
What is a sock and what is the rest?
And then... There are five different steps.
You have my full understanding.
-Thank you.
Ida, what do you have with you?
What have you spent too much time on?
-I have my chicken with me.
There we have your chicken, yes.
-Little Anton.
We had a task to create life.
I was about to say that I
created this one. I hatched him.
And I have spent all my summer on this.
First a very long time to
get hold of a huge incubator.
Then I bought 90 eggs that had
to be turned three times a day
for quite a few weeks.
So I didn't go to the cabin or anything,
because I had to turn eggs.
When he was about to hatch,
I sat for three days in a row
and stared into the incubator.
You saw that something was going on.
-Yes, but it took three days.
And not to mention the time I have spent
after he came into the world.
It's a full time job.
Now, for example, he lives in a
hotel with me here in Drammen.
Absolutely wonderful. Amir.
-Yes.
A little over a year ago, I started a project
which was called "An ode to one Kroner coins."
We've seen that before.
-It's the money trees again?
I have walked around in Oslo and looked for Kroner.
It's to give the Kroner
the last honour it deserves.
Before everything switches to cards and you forget
how nice the coins are.
It's a very pretty coin.
Here you have a guy who is sleeping.
Well, well..
I hope you at least get an art scholarship.
-Yes.
But we still have you, Solveig.
What do you have with you?
I have brought this recorder,
which I got in the first grade
at Flatbygdi primary and secondary
school in Vik, Sogn in 1978.
So dear memories for us all.
I think that pretty much everyone
who grew up in the 70s and 80s
surely feel that they have spent an
unnecessary amount of time on the recorder.
No matter how much they have practiced.
But the thing is, as you can see,
I have practiced so much
that I have become quite good.
But never so good that I have
been able to use it for anything.
Until now.
-Completely unnecessary.
But of course, you can't
escape giving us a small taste.
Even those who have spent
only ten seconds on the recorder
think they have spend too much time on it.
And you have spent both weeks, months and years.
It's probably Candy Crush level.
-Yes, yes.
But do you have a favourite ditty
that we can hear?
You are so good that you've undermined your own theory.
You became so good that you could play it on TV.
That is impressive.
-Very good.
No!
-Some of the nicest I've heard.
You can play at my funeral.
-Can I?
Yes! If you live that long, but that's not very likely.
-I liked the body movements the most.
I think the body has to go like that,
because everyone who plays the flute does that.
Recorder music has not become any more modern in 2021.
It was probably fully developed when it arrived.
But I have only been able to use it this once.
-I know.
It's hard to decide, I think you're all good.
I think you are very good this time.
That means a lot.
-What? Oh yes, I hope it means something.
You have made it difficult for me.
You know what Amir, I'll give you one point.
-No.
Then it was easy after all.
-OK thanks.
There is no doubt that you
have spent too much time on it.
Almost so much that I pull it back.
You've spent way too much time on it!
I'm not giving up yet.
-But the overall picture gives you one point.
The bird gets two.
-Wow.
You've spent too much time on it,
but in my book, not too much time.
I really appreciated that you put in so much work.
So I don't want to say that it's too much time.
Steinar, the socks give you three points.
It's the first time socks get this
many points. No, it's the second time.
There have been four points
for socks before in this programme.
It's the worst result for socks so far.
But okay, you should be happy with three points.
I had to be told how
impressive the Candy Crush is.
It's not impressive, just...
Depressing.
There is a lot of madness here.
-I totally agree with that. High...
You played so well that you get four.
You get five for the Candy Crush,
because you're not in your right mind.
Those were the points.
Atle.
-Yes.
What is the most important thing
about running a hundred meters?
What is the most important thing?
-The most important thing is to run fast.
And get to the finish line.
-Yes. That sounds easy, that.
"Start"
Where is Olli?
-Olli?
"Welcome to the hundred meter sprint."
"The first participant to
cross the finish line wins."
"Your time starts now."
Hundred...
Where is the finish line?
No.
-You were not exactly in a hurry, Steinar.
No, I spent some time figuring out the task.
It's easy.
-Yes, the task is simple.
The participants have to run a hundred meters,
which is from start to finish.
But they don't know where the finish line is,
only that it is a hundred meters away.
Now I'm really just looking
forward to seeing them run.
We can start with the one who without a
doubt has the most entertaining running style.
Amir. And we can add Ida and Einar.
"Your time starts now."
Where is the finish line, then?
I don't understand anything.
-Olli! Is he at the finish line?
Then he must be a hundred meters
from here, in one direction or another.
Excuse me, have you seen a finish line?
Shall we see, finish line...
-You can't see anything here.
Wait!
There's something red over there.
If it's not here... it's there!
No... There is no finish line here.
There may be something red on a
green background. I'm colour blind.
No, there's nothing to see here.
I have to go somewhere else, then.
Didn't you hear me shout?
-No, it's a little windy.
"Olli!"
Olli!
You could have called me then.
-Could I?
Yes, hello, Olli.
Do you know where the finish line is?
I've stopped the clock.
Did the others understand this?
Amir, first. It's always fun
to see some people run.
Yes.
-Especially you.
What a wonderful style you have acquired.
It looks like you are running
and looking for a stray cat.
Olli is that cat.
-Precisely. At least you got to the finish line.
Not everyone did. Einar.
-Hey, Atle.
Let down by the colour blindness again.
-Funny that.
That creates humour.
-It's fun every time, that.
If you have so much trouble with the colour blindness,
maybe you should sign up for
Paralympic Kongen Befaler.
I think that's a good idea. This isn't the
first time you have played that card.
You like to show that you are a person with
flaws, faults, shortcomings and disabilities.
I might rub you in too much.
-I think you're generous.
Thanks.
-The others should show more what they have to offer.
But the times...
Of course your time is still running, Einar.
Amir then spent 12.5 minutes.
-On a hundred meters.
Ida finished in 9 minutes and 49 seconds.
In the lead for now.
-Happy with that.
We'll take a little break, then we'll be right back.
It says a bit about both the
programme and the level, I feel.
The hundred meters in nine minutes.
Not many have that as a personal best.
Do you think this will be enough to win, Ida?
-Yes, I believe.
You have seen the others in physical activity before,
so we'll never say never.
We can find out right away.
Okay, it's about finding that finish line. Correct.
No.
Ok...
Finish line...
Damn, where's Olli?
Olli!
Olli?
-You haven't seen Olli, have you?
Olli!
-He's half Finnish.
This is weird.
There's something I don't understand. What is it?
He is at...
Is it somewhere inside?
Olli!
But hell...
Maybe I need to think differently.
I'm making a finish line, myself.
One, two, three, four, five, six...
... eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen...
... ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred.
Finished.
I have run at least a hundred meters.
I ran down there and up through the house.
I'll at least run through it, then I've done it.
Now I assume that the task has been solved.
Then I'm just going out here.
You can cut away.
Yes, it was close.
You were so close.
-I was so close.
And the person I asked lied,
because he had seen Olli.
Is it true? A neighbour who lied?
-Yes. He fooled me.
Do I have those kinds of people living around me?
-Why would he fool you?
I don't know.
I guess he doesn't wish you well either.
-Damn it.
Is it like that in a marathon, do you think
that you can just make your own route,
as long as you reach the finish line after 42 kilometers?
Yes, I think so.
-Right.
Steinar. Do you think that if you
participate in the Olympics, say marathon,
that you can just make your own finish line
right over there?
I guess most marathon runners
do not think outside the box.
If they had thought about it a little,
they could have made a finish line
just a few meters from the starting line.
I believe that the task has been
accomplished, and more so.
Here you have to think outside the box.
-But just in that task
in fact, you are not on the jury.
I'm the jury.
So you did not pass.
We have Amir in second place and Ida in first place.
Four points to Amir and five to Ida.
-We can have a little applause.
It's not worth more. I remind you that
it is the hundred meters in nine minutes.
Since Steinar has not passed, have
Einar and Solveig not passed either?
No. Their times are still running.
Zero points to all three.
Damn tight at the bottom, completely impossible
to separate. Zero points for everyone.
Then this is the position.
In total today, the standings are as follows.
Tørnquist in second, but Ida is in first place.
Yes, Olli. I think these were deplorable results,
so now we have to have a slightly easier task
that the participants can actually do.
All of them?
-At least the majority.
The only problem is that no
matter how easy a task is,
there are some participants
who overthink it and mess it up.
Then there is only one thing to do.
We have to give them a task that is
just as easy as it first seems.
I see.
-Yes.
Bead?
-There's a little yellow bead here.
And then a glass.
"Put the bead in the glass." The bead?
"Time stops when the bead
is in the glass and you say 'finished'."
"You have one try. Your time starts now."
Finished.
"You have one try. Your time starts now."
Finished.
You become uncertain.
"Put the bead in the glass.
Time stops when the bead is in the glass."
Finished.
"Put the bead in the glass.
Time stops when the bead is in the glass."
What's happening now?
Finished.
-Yes.
That was dead easy.
"Your time starts now."
It's not just doing that, probably.
"Put the bead in the glass.
Time stops when the bead is in the glass."
"Put the bead in the glass." Yes.
"Time stops when the bead is
in the glass and you say 'finished'".
"You have one try."
Finished.
Goodbye.
-Goodbye.
To be completely honest, I'm a little unsure
if you should be participating in this programme.
Is it good for you? Are we destroying you?
-Completely.
Now I actually have a bad conscience.
I think it can unravel at home, and everything.
-I think so too.
You have become really paranoid.
Everyone was partly paranoid,
but there was a complete stop.
What are you feeling at the moment?
-The same thing I've felt all along.
I don't understand!
-I just have to apologise.
I didn't know it would end up going so badly.
This wasn't a victory.
There is no doubt about who spent the longest time.
I can go through it. Let's have a look at this...
Are you ready for the results?
-I'm ready.
Steinar, you were the fastest.
You spent less than two seconds.
Followed by Ida: 8.7.
Three tenths ahead of Einar, at nine.
Amir, you spent 14 seconds.
You were a little cautious.
Solveig, you spent well over 40
seconds putting the bead in the glass.
Yes. But Steinar, congratulations.
I wonder if you are ready for
some practical housework,
mixed with some philosophising
about what it means to be free.
If you're wondering if I'm ready
for some housework, the answer is no.
But if I'm ready to see others
do some tiring housework,
then the answer is yes.
-Perfect.
Let me introduce "potato and balloon".
Oi. Is it trotting?
Do you have a birthday?
-Not a birthday.
"Pang!"
-Water.
Pan with water, potatoes, balloon... You.
And you.
-And me.
Can you imagine anything better?
-Yes, I can, actually.
"Peel the most potatoes. The most peeled
potatoes when the task is over wins."
"You can only peel potatoes as
long as this balloon is in the air."
"The balloon must be free and cannot be held down."
"The task is over if the balloon hits the ground."
"The task begins when the potato peeling begins."
What?
Is this free?
-Free.
What happens if you put...
Yes. Is that not a balloon free in the air?
Yes. Or is it a balloon lying in a pot of water?
It can be that too.
-It's one of the two. I think what I said is correct.
There was generally some confusion
about what it means to be free.
I think we can come to the conclusion that
a definition that everyone agrees with
is going to be hard.
Can't we just see the solutions,
then we can sable them down eventually?
Yes, great. Sharpen your saber,
because here is everyone except Ida.
I see this primarily as a philosophical problem.
If I puncture it and put it on the table...
Like that.
I would never hold down
a balloon. So I'll tape it down.
This here...
Now I have made a mistake.
I haven't thought carefully enough through this.
Maybe I should...
This is what I'm trying.
Now it's free, now it's hanging there.
Then the task is underway.
If I place the balloon here...
Yes.
It is not unfree.
Like that.
Now I'm almost done.
Enjoy yourself further.
You too. Thank you.
Satisfied with the solution?
-Actually quite dissatisfied.
I had hoped to avoid peeling an
entire potato box, but I will now.
Then you're up and running.
-Then I'm up and running.
And now you're done.
-Damn. No...
No, heck.
It's kind of your day today, Solveig.
The balloon fooled me.
-Yes, it did.
At least it was free for a little while.
Not everyone's was.
Are you satisfied with the effort?
-Yes.
Einar, what do you say when you
take the balloon and tape it down?
You have it literally, right?
-Yes.
"I would never hold down
a balloon. So I'll tape it down."
And there was so much peeling.
It takes time to peel so many potatoes, doesn't it?
-It took a very long time.
Then it would have been great if
you could take part in the competition.
Oh, I can't?
-It looks unlikely.
I couldn't see the balloon, because I am colour blind.
Steinar, are you surprised that more people
did not take the air out of the balloon?
But, I...
It's so hard...
-I still don't...
You who have invented this, what can you do?
I've been thinking about it since
we did it. We can't keep throwing it up in the air...
I still don't understand.
-But we are missing one.
Yes, but do you want the results?
-We can have them first.
Based on how I interpret what you said, Einar,
Steinar and Amir get zero points.
Yes.
-Because the balloon wasn't free.
While Solveig managed to peel an
eighth of a potato while it was free.
In the lead.
We'll take an ever so small break,
then we'll be right back.
I see that you are very happy.
Now you look like Daisy Duck.
But it's a little too soon to spray the champagne,
because we have not seen Ida's solution yet.
Who has either done very well, or very badly.
Here comes Ida.
The balloon must be free and cannot...
Now I came up with something.
Auch.
If I find something blowing from below, right?
Then I make a screen around
so it just blows, right?
Then it's free.
-Yes.
Isn't that a little smart, or?
That works.
-Ok. This is good.
I'm thinking it's easiest to peel the potatoes here.
Hey!
-Look at that.
Now! It's free.
Seriously, now I'm a little proud.
Damn, I'm a genius!
I'm doing all of them.
Just to be on the safe side.
You know...
You never know.
No.
-It stopped.
It ran out of power. But okay.
It was not fully peeled.
I'll just hope it's still enough.
It's is a huge amount of potatoes.
Thank you.
Proud.
That was amazing. Then all other
argumentation falls to the ground.
There is not much more to discuss.
It was the very best solution.
Thank you.
-You had a hell of a lot of competition.
A quarter peel and three that
have received zero points already.
But still, fantastic work.
-Thank you, Atle.
I never thought you would say that.
-The highest level. Five points!
For you to receive.
-Then we can look at the score.
There must be three zeros.
In total so far today...
Now I have never!
-It's completely wild.
First place is more or less decided.
We have a scale to relate to,
but below that it is throbbing close.
Shall we do the very last task,
as always here in the hall, on stage?
Directly in front of the audience? I'll need a 'yes' to that.
-Yes!
Get on stage.
In front of you, the audience and the
participants, there will now be a race.
Each game piece we see here
represents one of the participants.
The first piece to reach the finish line wins.
You must therefore move each
of these pieces one by one.
On your turn you have three moves.
The piece can either be moved forward or backward.
You can also divide the moves into several parts.
You do not know which piece represents yourself.
Behind here are blank faces.
It is also not allowed to peek.
When the first piece has crossed
the finish line, the game is over.
Then the points are distributed based
on how far the pieces have come.
Okay, then it's the leader who begins.
Then I'll just say ready, set...
Then we're up and running, Ida.
-Yes.
I'm considering moving the one with the hobby horse.
One forward.
-Oh well. Lets see...
Then I move the car two.
Sounds like a great tactic.
Steinar.
-Oh shit, they cheered for that car.
Yes.
-Then I'll move the car back one.
I've always loved skateboarding.
Most people here probably know that.
So maybe my face is on it.
I'm moving the skater two forward.
Solveig.
-Yes.
I'm thinking of moving...
Should I take that scooter, then?
Two forward. Then I move the skateboard back.
Einar Tørnquist.
-Thanks thanks.
I'm moving the one with me on it two forward.
-Which one is that, then?
Which one are you thinking of?
-The horse.
The horse. This one?
-Yes, we're not moving that one.
We'll take the car two forward.
-Two on the car, yes.
Although it is a bit environmentally bad and
politically incorrect. I'm taking a chance.
It's an electric car, isn't it?
-The only thing I know is that it's blue.
Then we take the skateboard back.
-OK.
Great to get that back.
-Yes.
Amir.
I think it's nice if the moped goes forward two,
and the car goes back one.
Yes, this one forward to two.
Then we make it even in the lead.
Scooter, moped and car. Exciting.
Ida, one round has passed and this is
where we are. What will you do?
I'm getting very stressed, but there's no point
since it's impossible to know.
I'm moving the horse one forward.
-Insane choice.
Then the scooter [moped] two back.
Scooter two back.
-What is it?
No, great.
-Thanks.
Then it's probably me, then.
I'm thinking the skater will go forward three.
-There was a gasp through the hall.
But what does that mean?
Should I take the skateboard back, then?
No, I'm taking it one forward.
No, because then it will win.
-It must be two forward to win.
Yes, but I'm taking the scooter one forward.
Then I'm moving the horse back one.
Then I move the car back one.
-One back, yes.
Einar.
-Then I take the car three forward.
The blue car three forward?
Then it's right by Atle. Amir.
I still think that the moped can go forward one.
Sounds good.
-Then I'll take the horse.
One forward.
-One forward.
Then I think the car is getting a little cocky.
I'll take it one back.
-One back? Yes, things are happening.
Ida.
-Yeah.
I'm taking the skater back one.
Do you have a theory about who you are?
-No, but I'm moving the car forward two.
Oi! Really?
-I'm impatient.
Now you'll be hit, Atle.
Then we have a winner.
You and you at home see who has won,
but you have no idea. We start
at the back, with the last place.
It was good that you drove it forward, Ida.
-Are you fucking serious?
Pardon.
That was really stupid.
I thought it was too stupid
for me to have the pink scooter.
But it was not.
Then we have two more.
Shared second to last place.
Amir.
-I knew it was me.
Then it's Solveig.
-Oh no!
As you do in all good programmes,
we go straight to first place.
Now we will see the first place,
which Ida chose to let win. It was...
Yes!
Then that's Steinar, of course.
That's not bad.
Then we can take a small summary
down in our seats.
Look here. We have all seen how it went,
but I can say the points quickly.
Luckily you had that lead, Ida.
Because you ended up last, with one point.
Geez. That's a new side, Amir.
You who had nothing to lose, Amir,
came in shared third place with Solveig.
Second place goes to Steinar and
five points go to Einar. Congratulations.
Then we will see how it went in the programme.
We probably already know that.
Here we have a winner.
So it is Ida who wins this competition.
Now come and get the gifts
that we've spent way too long on.
The overall position looks like this:
We are back next time with new tasks and new points,
but with the same lovely participants.
See you later.
-Goodbye.
They're mine!
Original Norwegian subs:
Sunniva S. Olsen (Iyuno-SDI Group)
Initial English translation:
/u/Sulimonstrum
Better translations and Norwegian context:
/u/msbtvxq
Pedantic final edits and reformatting:
/u/Taskmastermaster
Yes!
A warm welcome to Kongen Befaler,
where five participants fight
to realise a lifelong dream.
Which is to win a bust in gold... of me!
And with me I have someone who
will never win a golden bust,
but who is worth his own weight
in gold, namely Olli Wermskog!
Yes, thank you. That's good enough for me.
-It should be.
Our five fantastic participants are:
Steinar Sagen!
Ida Fladen!
Amir Asgharnejad!
Einar Tørnquist!
And Solveig Kloppen!
Yes, Solveig. You have said that you
get a little paranoid about being here.
You are skeptical of everyone around you,
plus the rules and the programme.
There are not many tasks where
you do not go an extra round to see:
"Now no one is going to fool me."
-Then I'm fooled anyway.
You're fooling yourself.
That's the beauty of it.
Amir, in addition to being a
comedian, you are an artist.
It's a well-known fact that artists
often produce their best things
when they struggle.
So in that sense, this programme must be a gift
to the expression that comes after you finish this.
If I'm on one end of the scale, I'm happy.
If I get in the middle, I'm not happy.
Ida, how is your form today?
-It's brilliant.
Shall I tell you something a little fun?
When I woke up today, I thought,
"I think this will be Ida's day."
Today I actually thought so.
So there you have it.
Oh God, now I'm getting very...
-But my dreams never become reality.
Not at all. We have to get
started with the first task.
We start with the prize task, where
the participants have brought a thing,
and where Atle Antonsen judges
who has solved the task best.
The task today is:
"Bring something you have spent too much time on."
Bring something you have spent too much time on.
It can be so much, of course.
Einar, I want to start with you.
Hope it's ok.
-I brought my cell phone, obviously.
You think I spent too much time making this cover.
But no, it actually went pretty fast.
Although it looks very nice.
I'm going to open it.
Message from my brother, nice.
Because there's a game here called Candy Crush.
I don't know how much time
it's normal to spend on it,
but I'm on board 5,042 now.
So I have solved the 5,041 previous ones.
Yes. And it takes some time, right?
-It's swings and roundabouts.
Some can take many days,
while others go in a few minutes.
You have spent about 1,200 hours on this.
That's roughly 70% of a full time job
at, let's say, Candy Crush.
That's insane.
Yeah, and I haven't even had it that long.
-No.
You have two children.
-Oh that's right, I do!
You have a problem.
-Good lord.
I have two children.
-You have at least solved the task with bravura.
Steinar.
-Yes. I have brought with me...
It shouldn't have been like this, but that's okay.
This is how it should've been.
These are socks that I have picked up from home.
They are sorted and put together in pairs,
but I have spent...
We are six people at most.
I have spent so much time
matching and finding socks.
It's a nightmare.
I have thought to myself:
If I'm ever going to end my own life,
then it's during this process.
I think it's absolutely awful.
-During the matching process. In the act.
['matching' is the same word as 'mating' in Norwegian]
First the investigation to find, and then matching.
It's so boring.
First you need to find out:
What is a sock and what is the rest?
And then... There are five different steps.
You have my full understanding.
-Thank you.
Ida, what do you have with you?
What have you spent too much time on?
-I have my chicken with me.
There we have your chicken, yes.
-Little Anton.
We had a task to create life.
I was about to say that I
created this one. I hatched him.
And I have spent all my summer on this.
First a very long time to
get hold of a huge incubator.
Then I bought 90 eggs that had
to be turned three times a day
for quite a few weeks.
So I didn't go to the cabin or anything,
because I had to turn eggs.
When he was about to hatch,
I sat for three days in a row
and stared into the incubator.
You saw that something was going on.
-Yes, but it took three days.
And not to mention the time I have spent
after he came into the world.
It's a full time job.
Now, for example, he lives in a
hotel with me here in Drammen.
Absolutely wonderful. Amir.
-Yes.
A little over a year ago, I started a project
which was called "An ode to one Kroner coins."
We've seen that before.
-It's the money trees again?
I have walked around in Oslo and looked for Kroner.
It's to give the Kroner
the last honour it deserves.
Before everything switches to cards and you forget
how nice the coins are.
It's a very pretty coin.
Here you have a guy who is sleeping.
Well, well..
I hope you at least get an art scholarship.
-Yes.
But we still have you, Solveig.
What do you have with you?
I have brought this recorder,
which I got in the first grade
at Flatbygdi primary and secondary
school in Vik, Sogn in 1978.
So dear memories for us all.
I think that pretty much everyone
who grew up in the 70s and 80s
surely feel that they have spent an
unnecessary amount of time on the recorder.
No matter how much they have practiced.
But the thing is, as you can see,
I have practiced so much
that I have become quite good.
But never so good that I have
been able to use it for anything.
Until now.
-Completely unnecessary.
But of course, you can't
escape giving us a small taste.
Even those who have spent
only ten seconds on the recorder
think they have spend too much time on it.
And you have spent both weeks, months and years.
It's probably Candy Crush level.
-Yes, yes.
But do you have a favourite ditty
that we can hear?
You are so good that you've undermined your own theory.
You became so good that you could play it on TV.
That is impressive.
-Very good.
No!
-Some of the nicest I've heard.
You can play at my funeral.
-Can I?
Yes! If you live that long, but that's not very likely.
-I liked the body movements the most.
I think the body has to go like that,
because everyone who plays the flute does that.
Recorder music has not become any more modern in 2021.
It was probably fully developed when it arrived.
But I have only been able to use it this once.
-I know.
It's hard to decide, I think you're all good.
I think you are very good this time.
That means a lot.
-What? Oh yes, I hope it means something.
You have made it difficult for me.
You know what Amir, I'll give you one point.
-No.
Then it was easy after all.
-OK thanks.
There is no doubt that you
have spent too much time on it.
Almost so much that I pull it back.
You've spent way too much time on it!
I'm not giving up yet.
-But the overall picture gives you one point.
The bird gets two.
-Wow.
You've spent too much time on it,
but in my book, not too much time.
I really appreciated that you put in so much work.
So I don't want to say that it's too much time.
Steinar, the socks give you three points.
It's the first time socks get this
many points. No, it's the second time.
There have been four points
for socks before in this programme.
It's the worst result for socks so far.
But okay, you should be happy with three points.
I had to be told how
impressive the Candy Crush is.
It's not impressive, just...
Depressing.
There is a lot of madness here.
-I totally agree with that. High...
You played so well that you get four.
You get five for the Candy Crush,
because you're not in your right mind.
Those were the points.
Atle.
-Yes.
What is the most important thing
about running a hundred meters?
What is the most important thing?
-The most important thing is to run fast.
And get to the finish line.
-Yes. That sounds easy, that.
"Start"
Where is Olli?
-Olli?
"Welcome to the hundred meter sprint."
"The first participant to
cross the finish line wins."
"Your time starts now."
Hundred...
Where is the finish line?
No.
-You were not exactly in a hurry, Steinar.
No, I spent some time figuring out the task.
It's easy.
-Yes, the task is simple.
The participants have to run a hundred meters,
which is from start to finish.
But they don't know where the finish line is,
only that it is a hundred meters away.
Now I'm really just looking
forward to seeing them run.
We can start with the one who without a
doubt has the most entertaining running style.
Amir. And we can add Ida and Einar.
"Your time starts now."
Where is the finish line, then?
I don't understand anything.
-Olli! Is he at the finish line?
Then he must be a hundred meters
from here, in one direction or another.
Excuse me, have you seen a finish line?
Shall we see, finish line...
-You can't see anything here.
Wait!
There's something red over there.
If it's not here... it's there!
No... There is no finish line here.
There may be something red on a
green background. I'm colour blind.
No, there's nothing to see here.
I have to go somewhere else, then.
Didn't you hear me shout?
-No, it's a little windy.
"Olli!"
Olli!
You could have called me then.
-Could I?
Yes, hello, Olli.
Do you know where the finish line is?
I've stopped the clock.
Did the others understand this?
Amir, first. It's always fun
to see some people run.
Yes.
-Especially you.
What a wonderful style you have acquired.
It looks like you are running
and looking for a stray cat.
Olli is that cat.
-Precisely. At least you got to the finish line.
Not everyone did. Einar.
-Hey, Atle.
Let down by the colour blindness again.
-Funny that.
That creates humour.
-It's fun every time, that.
If you have so much trouble with the colour blindness,
maybe you should sign up for
Paralympic Kongen Befaler.
I think that's a good idea. This isn't the
first time you have played that card.
You like to show that you are a person with
flaws, faults, shortcomings and disabilities.
I might rub you in too much.
-I think you're generous.
Thanks.
-The others should show more what they have to offer.
But the times...
Of course your time is still running, Einar.
Amir then spent 12.5 minutes.
-On a hundred meters.
Ida finished in 9 minutes and 49 seconds.
In the lead for now.
-Happy with that.
We'll take a little break, then we'll be right back.
It says a bit about both the
programme and the level, I feel.
The hundred meters in nine minutes.
Not many have that as a personal best.
Do you think this will be enough to win, Ida?
-Yes, I believe.
You have seen the others in physical activity before,
so we'll never say never.
We can find out right away.
Okay, it's about finding that finish line. Correct.
No.
Ok...
Finish line...
Damn, where's Olli?
Olli!
Olli?
-You haven't seen Olli, have you?
Olli!
-He's half Finnish.
This is weird.
There's something I don't understand. What is it?
He is at...
Is it somewhere inside?
Olli!
But hell...
Maybe I need to think differently.
I'm making a finish line, myself.
One, two, three, four, five, six...
... eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen...
... ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred.
Finished.
I have run at least a hundred meters.
I ran down there and up through the house.
I'll at least run through it, then I've done it.
Now I assume that the task has been solved.
Then I'm just going out here.
You can cut away.
Yes, it was close.
You were so close.
-I was so close.
And the person I asked lied,
because he had seen Olli.
Is it true? A neighbour who lied?
-Yes. He fooled me.
Do I have those kinds of people living around me?
-Why would he fool you?
I don't know.
I guess he doesn't wish you well either.
-Damn it.
Is it like that in a marathon, do you think
that you can just make your own route,
as long as you reach the finish line after 42 kilometers?
Yes, I think so.
-Right.
Steinar. Do you think that if you
participate in the Olympics, say marathon,
that you can just make your own finish line
right over there?
I guess most marathon runners
do not think outside the box.
If they had thought about it a little,
they could have made a finish line
just a few meters from the starting line.
I believe that the task has been
accomplished, and more so.
Here you have to think outside the box.
-But just in that task
in fact, you are not on the jury.
I'm the jury.
So you did not pass.
We have Amir in second place and Ida in first place.
Four points to Amir and five to Ida.
-We can have a little applause.
It's not worth more. I remind you that
it is the hundred meters in nine minutes.
Since Steinar has not passed, have
Einar and Solveig not passed either?
No. Their times are still running.
Zero points to all three.
Damn tight at the bottom, completely impossible
to separate. Zero points for everyone.
Then this is the position.
In total today, the standings are as follows.
Tørnquist in second, but Ida is in first place.
Yes, Olli. I think these were deplorable results,
so now we have to have a slightly easier task
that the participants can actually do.
All of them?
-At least the majority.
The only problem is that no
matter how easy a task is,
there are some participants
who overthink it and mess it up.
Then there is only one thing to do.
We have to give them a task that is
just as easy as it first seems.
I see.
-Yes.
Bead?
-There's a little yellow bead here.
And then a glass.
"Put the bead in the glass." The bead?
"Time stops when the bead
is in the glass and you say 'finished'."
"You have one try. Your time starts now."
Finished.
"You have one try. Your time starts now."
Finished.
You become uncertain.
"Put the bead in the glass.
Time stops when the bead is in the glass."
Finished.
"Put the bead in the glass.
Time stops when the bead is in the glass."
What's happening now?
Finished.
-Yes.
That was dead easy.
"Your time starts now."
It's not just doing that, probably.
"Put the bead in the glass.
Time stops when the bead is in the glass."
"Put the bead in the glass." Yes.
"Time stops when the bead is
in the glass and you say 'finished'".
"You have one try."
Finished.
Goodbye.
-Goodbye.
To be completely honest, I'm a little unsure
if you should be participating in this programme.
Is it good for you? Are we destroying you?
-Completely.
Now I actually have a bad conscience.
I think it can unravel at home, and everything.
-I think so too.
You have become really paranoid.
Everyone was partly paranoid,
but there was a complete stop.
What are you feeling at the moment?
-The same thing I've felt all along.
I don't understand!
-I just have to apologise.
I didn't know it would end up going so badly.
This wasn't a victory.
There is no doubt about who spent the longest time.
I can go through it. Let's have a look at this...
Are you ready for the results?
-I'm ready.
Steinar, you were the fastest.
You spent less than two seconds.
Followed by Ida: 8.7.
Three tenths ahead of Einar, at nine.
Amir, you spent 14 seconds.
You were a little cautious.
Solveig, you spent well over 40
seconds putting the bead in the glass.
Yes. But Steinar, congratulations.
I wonder if you are ready for
some practical housework,
mixed with some philosophising
about what it means to be free.
If you're wondering if I'm ready
for some housework, the answer is no.
But if I'm ready to see others
do some tiring housework,
then the answer is yes.
-Perfect.
Let me introduce "potato and balloon".
Oi. Is it trotting?
Do you have a birthday?
-Not a birthday.
"Pang!"
-Water.
Pan with water, potatoes, balloon... You.
And you.
-And me.
Can you imagine anything better?
-Yes, I can, actually.
"Peel the most potatoes. The most peeled
potatoes when the task is over wins."
"You can only peel potatoes as
long as this balloon is in the air."
"The balloon must be free and cannot be held down."
"The task is over if the balloon hits the ground."
"The task begins when the potato peeling begins."
What?
Is this free?
-Free.
What happens if you put...
Yes. Is that not a balloon free in the air?
Yes. Or is it a balloon lying in a pot of water?
It can be that too.
-It's one of the two. I think what I said is correct.
There was generally some confusion
about what it means to be free.
I think we can come to the conclusion that
a definition that everyone agrees with
is going to be hard.
Can't we just see the solutions,
then we can sable them down eventually?
Yes, great. Sharpen your saber,
because here is everyone except Ida.
I see this primarily as a philosophical problem.
If I puncture it and put it on the table...
Like that.
I would never hold down
a balloon. So I'll tape it down.
This here...
Now I have made a mistake.
I haven't thought carefully enough through this.
Maybe I should...
This is what I'm trying.
Now it's free, now it's hanging there.
Then the task is underway.
If I place the balloon here...
Yes.
It is not unfree.
Like that.
Now I'm almost done.
Enjoy yourself further.
You too. Thank you.
Satisfied with the solution?
-Actually quite dissatisfied.
I had hoped to avoid peeling an
entire potato box, but I will now.
Then you're up and running.
-Then I'm up and running.
And now you're done.
-Damn. No...
No, heck.
It's kind of your day today, Solveig.
The balloon fooled me.
-Yes, it did.
At least it was free for a little while.
Not everyone's was.
Are you satisfied with the effort?
-Yes.
Einar, what do you say when you
take the balloon and tape it down?
You have it literally, right?
-Yes.
"I would never hold down
a balloon. So I'll tape it down."
And there was so much peeling.
It takes time to peel so many potatoes, doesn't it?
-It took a very long time.
Then it would have been great if
you could take part in the competition.
Oh, I can't?
-It looks unlikely.
I couldn't see the balloon, because I am colour blind.
Steinar, are you surprised that more people
did not take the air out of the balloon?
But, I...
It's so hard...
-I still don't...
You who have invented this, what can you do?
I've been thinking about it since
we did it. We can't keep throwing it up in the air...
I still don't understand.
-But we are missing one.
Yes, but do you want the results?
-We can have them first.
Based on how I interpret what you said, Einar,
Steinar and Amir get zero points.
Yes.
-Because the balloon wasn't free.
While Solveig managed to peel an
eighth of a potato while it was free.
In the lead.
We'll take an ever so small break,
then we'll be right back.
I see that you are very happy.
Now you look like Daisy Duck.
But it's a little too soon to spray the champagne,
because we have not seen Ida's solution yet.
Who has either done very well, or very badly.
Here comes Ida.
The balloon must be free and cannot...
Now I came up with something.
Auch.
If I find something blowing from below, right?
Then I make a screen around
so it just blows, right?
Then it's free.
-Yes.
Isn't that a little smart, or?
That works.
-Ok. This is good.
I'm thinking it's easiest to peel the potatoes here.
Hey!
-Look at that.
Now! It's free.
Seriously, now I'm a little proud.
Damn, I'm a genius!
I'm doing all of them.
Just to be on the safe side.
You know...
You never know.
No.
-It stopped.
It ran out of power. But okay.
It was not fully peeled.
I'll just hope it's still enough.
It's is a huge amount of potatoes.
Thank you.
Proud.
That was amazing. Then all other
argumentation falls to the ground.
There is not much more to discuss.
It was the very best solution.
Thank you.
-You had a hell of a lot of competition.
A quarter peel and three that
have received zero points already.
But still, fantastic work.
-Thank you, Atle.
I never thought you would say that.
-The highest level. Five points!
For you to receive.
-Then we can look at the score.
There must be three zeros.
In total so far today...
Now I have never!
-It's completely wild.
First place is more or less decided.
We have a scale to relate to,
but below that it is throbbing close.
Shall we do the very last task,
as always here in the hall, on stage?
Directly in front of the audience? I'll need a 'yes' to that.
-Yes!
Get on stage.
In front of you, the audience and the
participants, there will now be a race.
Each game piece we see here
represents one of the participants.
The first piece to reach the finish line wins.
You must therefore move each
of these pieces one by one.
On your turn you have three moves.
The piece can either be moved forward or backward.
You can also divide the moves into several parts.
You do not know which piece represents yourself.
Behind here are blank faces.
It is also not allowed to peek.
When the first piece has crossed
the finish line, the game is over.
Then the points are distributed based
on how far the pieces have come.
Okay, then it's the leader who begins.
Then I'll just say ready, set...
Then we're up and running, Ida.
-Yes.
I'm considering moving the one with the hobby horse.
One forward.
-Oh well. Lets see...
Then I move the car two.
Sounds like a great tactic.
Steinar.
-Oh shit, they cheered for that car.
Yes.
-Then I'll move the car back one.
I've always loved skateboarding.
Most people here probably know that.
So maybe my face is on it.
I'm moving the skater two forward.
Solveig.
-Yes.
I'm thinking of moving...
Should I take that scooter, then?
Two forward. Then I move the skateboard back.
Einar Tørnquist.
-Thanks thanks.
I'm moving the one with me on it two forward.
-Which one is that, then?
Which one are you thinking of?
-The horse.
The horse. This one?
-Yes, we're not moving that one.
We'll take the car two forward.
-Two on the car, yes.
Although it is a bit environmentally bad and
politically incorrect. I'm taking a chance.
It's an electric car, isn't it?
-The only thing I know is that it's blue.
Then we take the skateboard back.
-OK.
Great to get that back.
-Yes.
Amir.
I think it's nice if the moped goes forward two,
and the car goes back one.
Yes, this one forward to two.
Then we make it even in the lead.
Scooter, moped and car. Exciting.
Ida, one round has passed and this is
where we are. What will you do?
I'm getting very stressed, but there's no point
since it's impossible to know.
I'm moving the horse one forward.
-Insane choice.
Then the scooter [moped] two back.
Scooter two back.
-What is it?
No, great.
-Thanks.
Then it's probably me, then.
I'm thinking the skater will go forward three.
-There was a gasp through the hall.
But what does that mean?
Should I take the skateboard back, then?
No, I'm taking it one forward.
No, because then it will win.
-It must be two forward to win.
Yes, but I'm taking the scooter one forward.
Then I'm moving the horse back one.
Then I move the car back one.
-One back, yes.
Einar.
-Then I take the car three forward.
The blue car three forward?
Then it's right by Atle. Amir.
I still think that the moped can go forward one.
Sounds good.
-Then I'll take the horse.
One forward.
-One forward.
Then I think the car is getting a little cocky.
I'll take it one back.
-One back? Yes, things are happening.
Ida.
-Yeah.
I'm taking the skater back one.
Do you have a theory about who you are?
-No, but I'm moving the car forward two.
Oi! Really?
-I'm impatient.
Now you'll be hit, Atle.
Then we have a winner.
You and you at home see who has won,
but you have no idea. We start
at the back, with the last place.
It was good that you drove it forward, Ida.
-Are you fucking serious?
Pardon.
That was really stupid.
I thought it was too stupid
for me to have the pink scooter.
But it was not.
Then we have two more.
Shared second to last place.
Amir.
-I knew it was me.
Then it's Solveig.
-Oh no!
As you do in all good programmes,
we go straight to first place.
Now we will see the first place,
which Ida chose to let win. It was...
Yes!
Then that's Steinar, of course.
That's not bad.
Then we can take a small summary
down in our seats.
Look here. We have all seen how it went,
but I can say the points quickly.
Luckily you had that lead, Ida.
Because you ended up last, with one point.
Geez. That's a new side, Amir.
You who had nothing to lose, Amir,
came in shared third place with Solveig.
Second place goes to Steinar and
five points go to Einar. Congratulations.
Then we will see how it went in the programme.
We probably already know that.
Here we have a winner.
So it is Ida who wins this competition.
Now come and get the gifts
that we've spent way too long on.
The overall position looks like this:
We are back next time with new tasks and new points,
but with the same lovely participants.
See you later.
-Goodbye.
They're mine!
Original Norwegian subs:
Sunniva S. Olsen (Iyuno-SDI Group)
Initial English translation:
/u/Sulimonstrum
Better translations and Norwegian context:
/u/msbtvxq
Pedantic final edits and reformatting:
/u/Taskmastermaster